Aug 22, 2010

Query- Motherless Day

Dear Agent,

I am writing to you about my picture book Motherless Day. It is complete at 600 words and I am querying you exclusively.

Little Kali Krumpets is the only child in Miss Piddlewink's pre-school class without a mother. When her class decides to make cards on the Friday before Mother's Day, Kali decides to figure out what makes a mommy so special. Her friends Emily and Griffin tell her all about there mothers, but Kali isn't convinced. Her dads do the same things, so why are mothers so important?

In the end, she realizes that a mother is just a parent that loves you, just like her two dads. Miss Piddlewink helps her realize all parents are special and that family should be celebrated every day.

Thank you for your time and consideration.



Zee Lemke said...

I like the concept, but I have some major concerns with the query.

1. Don't query exclusively unless the agent requires it--they don't expect it and it's too pushy.

2. You say "there" instead of "their" at one point. Did you not proofread or do you not know the difference? Red flag either way (but fortunately a very easy fix).

3. The meat of this book isn't the political message, it's the good things that Kali's dads do. List some of them? At the moment, nothing in the query conveys any charm. It's all general.

4. No one in Kali's class has divorced parents and lives with their father, or has had their mother die? I did not immediately draw the conclusion that she had another father in place of a mother. I felt like I was being set up: like you could have drawn a comparison between children whose mothers are not present and children of same-sex couples, which seems to not be the point at all.

I think this could be a very strong concept and it's just a matter of getting the query to show the charm. What's cute? What's funny? Those are the things I look for in picture books.

Anonymous Author said...

I agree with everything Zee said, and would add that I assumed from the title that this was a story about a child whose mother had died. The word "motherless" conveys lack. Since that's not your message, perhaps that's not the title you want.