Oct 20, 2010

Query - MY DEMONIC LOVE (First Revision)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear [Agent name],

Betrayed by her angelic lover, Dendera is punished to live out her days as an immortal in a mortal’s world. She has no demonic powers left and the Afterlife grows into a far memory as she searches for a way to become mortal, realizing the only person who can help her is the man who cost her everything.

Dendera finds she’s not strong enough to keep her distance from her now mortal angel, stalking Ryan in the shadows of New York City for his own protection. Emotions Dendera never experienced as a demon are running high at the idea of letting herself trust him again, but Ryan isn’t her only problem.

An evil far more ancient and violent is out for revenge and the only thing it wants from Dendera is the mortal man she’s protecting.

MY DEMONIC LOVE is a completed work of paranormal romance at 90-000 words. Enclosed I have included [whatever they want]. Thank you for your time and consideration.

1 comment:

Kristina Fugate said...

This is a little better. You're still misusing 'punished' in the first sentence. The second sentence reads a little awkwardly--it's sort of wordy. And you mention she's trying to become mortal. Why? We need to know her motivation.

Also, I still really think you should include a little more about this evil. What is it? What does it want with Ryan?

Good luck!