Mar 16, 2009

Query for Demon Dreams, main stream paranormal fiction...

Almost thirty years ago Margaret Turner left the occult world and the duties of being a Guardian for a normal life. Two marriages and three kids later she’s still trying to find normal.

Late one night while relaxing and reading a good book an old friend pops in to pay Meg a visit. More curious than scared of the demon, Meg agrees to a battle of wills and quickly gains control of the situation. What she learns from the demon under her control makes her less than thrilled. Hell is in danger and needs her help.

A power hungry warlock has been killing demons and assuming their powers. He’s somehow blocked the higher level demons from leaving hell on their own and any move they make to attack him misses. Having exhausted every evil plan they can think of, Satan and his minions turn to their earthly counterparts for help.

The idea of returning to her duties as Guardian of the Way makes Meg pause. She left all of that behind to live a normal life. As she wonders if she can pick up where she left off, she realizes that if she doesn’t help everything she knows and loves will die. So with help from her psychic friend, druidic boss, a few demons and angels, Meg immerses herself into the world she left behind. Can she find a way to defeat the warlock at his own game before hell takes over earth?

Demon Dreams is a finished 65,000 word paranormal/fiction manuscript that follows Meg Turner, witch and Guardian of the Way on a wild ride to save Hell. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely Yours,

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi! Nice query. Good voice coming through with a touch of humor.

I have only a few suggestions that would tighten it up.

Start with the last paragraph. DEMON DREAMS, a 65,000 word paranormal follows Meg Turner, (reformed? inactive? retired? maybe?)witch and Guardian of the Way, on a wild ride to save Hell.

Almost thirty years ago Margaret Turner left the occult world and the duties of being a Guardian for a normal life. Two marriages and three kids later she’s still trying to find normal. Late one night, an old friend pops into Meg's (tranquil/domesstic?) world to pay a little visit. What she learns from the demon makes her less than thrilled. Hell is in danger and needs her help. A power hungry warlock has been killing demons and assuming their powers. Exhausting every evil plan they can think of, Satan and his minions turn to their earthly counterparts for help.

To save all that she holds dear, especially the life she now loves, Meg once again immerses herself into the world she left behind. With help from her psychic friend, druidic boss, and a few demons and angels, Meg must find a way to defeat the warlock at his own game before Hell takes over earth.

Just a little tweaking to shorten and tighten the pitch. I'd watch the last sentence because it makes me ask, Why wouldn't Satan want Hell to take over Earth? I thought she had to save Hell? Also, watch using the word help too much. One last suggestion, cut the line of enjoy reading as much as writing. End only with the thank you.

Hope this is helpful!

Rick Daley said...

This is a fun premise, but I agree that you could streamline it for the query.

"Meg realizes she will have to abandon her new, almost normal life to do what no one else can: she must save Hell, and with it, the world."

You don't need to state that the manuscript is finished, the agent will assume that it is, since you are querying.

I would leave out the line "I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it."

Good luck, and thanks for submitting!

Anette J Kres said...

The Paranormal genre usually refers to paranormal romance, but there doesn’t seem to be a romantic theme in your story (at least it’s not evident from your query). This reads more like a Fantasy novel than a paranormal. This does give me a good idea of the what the story is about, but it doesn’t tell me anything about what happens in your book except the old friend showing up. Might want to consider going a lighter on the backstory/premise and heavier on what conflicts and events happen in the novel.

Judy said...

I haven't much more to add, I think the last paragraph, minus the finished, the reading, and thank you, would make a great opening.
Put a comma between ..of the Way, on a wild...
I also wanted to add that this sounds very interesting.
I think this might be an urban fantasy. ????

Anonymous said...

About your word length:

65,000 words may be short for the genre you're writing in.

I got this from Colleen Lindsay's blog (though there are exceptions to every rule, this is a good guideline)

YA/50K to 80K but rarely above 90K
Urban Fantasy-Paranormal Romance
80K to 100K

Paranormal-urban fantasy-mainstream fiction 80K to 100K

Scifi-fantasy 100K

Rick, this is a good site.
Might I suggest a FAQ with answers to typical questions like word count, the difference between a synopsis and and a query, what is the font most agents prefer, etc. if at all possible.

Rick Daley said...

Anon,

I'm glad you like the site. Good suggestion for the FAQ's. I've been thinking a bout putting up a post to solicit questions, then I can answer (or find answers for) the most common ones.

Drgnwrtr said...

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate the help. I knew it needed tweaking but not exactly where. I thought 65K was a little short but thats how the book came out. I was thinking of adding about 5k onto the end and I still might.
As for the genre, its definitely NOT a romance so perhaps labeling an urban legend might be the way to go.
As for why wouldn't Satan want hell taking over earth, um, yeah, you'll have to read the book!