A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Intro
Larkin Shift is in danger, threatened by innate magical powers with a mind of their own and helpless without Mr. Amurat’s expert guidance. Aided by an ancient amulet, Mr. Amurat has gone to the underworld to retrieve his deceased wife and daughter and it’s up to Larkin, Caitlin, Benny, and Trent to get him back safely. But her rescue mission comes with an unexpected consequence—Benny’s death.
A mythical revival puts Benny up against dwindling mortality with only hours until his condition becomes permanent unless Larkin embraces her unique abilities and makes it to the Hall of Two Truths where she must defeat an omnipotent nemesis, thwart a plot against her, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—all before the next sunrise.
“Larkin Shift and the Hall of Two Truths” is a 45,000 word young adult novel.
Thanks to everyone for feedback!
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3 comments:
There's a lot of info here, but some of it leaves me a little confused. Who is Mr. Amurat? And if Benny is dead then how is he put up against his own mortality? And what is a mythical revival?
It sounds promising.
I'm left with a LOT of questions after reading this query... and that's not a good thing. Agents want to know exactly what happens in a novel from the query.
Defining the kind of magical powers Larkin has, how Mr. Amurat is important, and who Catlin, Benny, and Trent are would help immensely. The last one is the easiest to fix... just replace their names with "Larkin and her friends". We don't need to know their names and the description is much more useful to agents.
At 45,000 words, your manuscript is also a little short for the young adult fantasy genre. The preferred length for YA fantasy books is 50-80 thousand words long, and many are at the upper end of the scale. You might consider revising your book to hit the market's "target" word limit, though for the right agent, 45,000 might be perfect. Just something to think about.
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