Apr 21, 2010

Query- Coming Around Again (revision 2)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

When Maggie jumped into the ocean to save a young girl, she never expected that the course of her life would change, but it did.

Four year before when her husband and two kids died in a car accident, Maggie had pulled the shutters down on her soul. But those few moments in the cold Atlantic waters catapulted Maggie back to life with a vengeance. Feelings she had long since locked away came bursting back - anger, grief and surprisingly, happiness, in the form of the drowning girl’s father, Connor McGowan.

Not so recently divorced, Connor is the town’s new Police Chief and Maggie is fascinated by him. Connor is charming and has an easy confidence that draws Maggie out of her shell. Soon she is spending all of her time with him, loving life – loving him.

Until she realizes she is pregnant. Loving a grown, capable man is one thing but opening herself to a child, and possibly losing a child again, is more than Maggie can bear. Driven by fear, she leaves Connor without telling him of her condition. Away from Connor, she can see how barren an existence she had led and realizes she is not prepared to lose him; even if it means she must face her fears at last.

COMING AROUND AGAIN, a contemporary romance novel complete at 90,000 words, may appeal to readers of Susan Wiggs or Barbara Delinsky. I appreciate your consideration.


Anonymous said...

Better. Maybe a few tweaks?

Remove "but it did." from the first sentence. That makes it awkward and it's implied anyways.

I'd switch the verb tense in the next sentence:
"Four year ago when her husband and two kids died in a car accident, Maggie pulled the shutters down on her soul."

And side note: What happened to the child that she saved from drowning? Is she able to love that child?

Dominique said...

You mention that she saved a kid from drowning and that this changed her life, but you failed to spell out for the reader how this is true in correlation to the rest of the plot.