Jun 30, 2010

Query: The Rain Legacy (Revised)

Click here to read the original query.

Nothing good has ever come of Lynette always breaking her continent’s rules-- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister and steals away to escape the same fate.

But Lynette can’t run forever. Due to her ancestry, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle and defend the Goddess Arydne’s land. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman, or he’s got the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.

If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.

THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You might know, but the reader won't understand what "continent’s rules" means. Can you make that more understandable??
And you might want to introduce the fact that this is a fantasy in the 1st paragraph. Based off of the first paragraph this could be almost any age group/genre. I was a little surprised when you suddenly brought up the sword and goddess part.

Kristi said...

I agree with the other comment about the "continent's rules" part. I also think you can shorten up "until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family" to "until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family." If she's eavesdropping, we know she's overhearing a conversation.

Also, I'm a little unsure of this, but shouldn't "never mind" be "nevermind"?

Love (!) this part: "because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play - and get revenge while she's at it."

RCWriterGirl said...

Wow, that's much clearer. I think this is a marked improvement on the previous version. It's not as confusing as it was before.

The previous comments expressed confusion over "continent's rules" Perhaps "country's rules" or "government's rules" would offer more clarity.

Great rewrite.

RCWriterGirl said...

Actually, on that "continent's rules" things, maybe it's just better to say, "Nothing good has ever come of Lynette always breaking the rules." Really, probably no one cares whose rules they are (continent's, country's, government's, her parents'), just that somebody's got rules and Lynette is breaking them.