Jun 29, 2010

QUERY- A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH (Revision 2)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

HERE IS THE DRAFT QUERY OF A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH. Thank you for your comments they were really helpful and showed me things I never realised. Oh sorry for that, there are paragraphs I seemed to have forgotten. I have realized the bad thing on commenting on other books, thank you for that insight.
I hope this now ‘shows’ rather than telling.


Dear Agent,

A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.

Rosario Vinros is a hopeful girl waiting for the “climax” of her life to arrive. She is alive because she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is one way to die, there is however chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from. The problem is Daniel Heath Forsyth is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in the Catholic school to be his company, and no one seems to understand why. His plans get ruined when he realizes that he has fallen for the girl. He finds it possible to turn in to a human owing to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the virus to infect him, but three vampires have already died of it and he runs a high risk of dying too. Though everyone is going back for vaccination he chooses to risk everything.

Sadly, Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone she is obliged to marry and in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel part ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders what may come of her life and through this road she learns about the values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Me

5 comments:

Sarah said...

I got lost a little in the sentences, because they're really long. I think it's better to keep them a little shorter and simpler in a query. It's only my opinion, though!

The Rejection Queen said...

I've written 3 queries for the same book.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand what is going on, it does not post exactly what I wrote, i have revised this many times but everytime I post it, it does not come out the same.

Rick Daley said...

Anon- Hopefully I didn't post the wrong query. I think one of the versions came through on the comments on the query thread, not the submissions post, so I may have grabbed the wrong one.

My apologies if it was a copy & paste error on my part!

Anonymous said...

Oh then i will sumbit it then, rather then post it as a comment. thanks