Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Agent,
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped. Emil survived. His sister didn’t. So when word of a ruthless killer rampaging London convinces Emil that his kidnapper is on the move, he thinks it’s fate that his guardian, Officer Corwin James, is in charge of the case.
The basic facts of the murders are well known. A young girl is kidnapped. Three days later, the body shows up, horrifically mutilated. However, Emil and Corwin know a little more than the general public: each murder is accompanied by a note quoting Alice in Wonderland.
These notes confirm Emil’s suspicions. He knew his kidnapper by only one name: The Hatter. But as he and his guardian get closer and closer to tracking the man down, Emil starts to realize exactly what confronting his past will mean. He can live with the nightmares. But if he fails to avenge his sister’s death, he doesn’t know how he’ll live with himself- if he lives at all.
MAD AS A HATTER, a YA historical mystery, is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Me
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7 comments:
Wait- so in the first query, you said that this was a historical, but with a supernatural twist. Is it supernatural or is it not?
And 50,000 words for an adult fiction? Thats only, like, 100 pages! YA's minimum (from what I can tell) is 50,000 and an adult historical fiction is much more than that!
Other than that, the actual query I find to be good.
Hi Anne,
Word counts can be subjective...a page with a lot of dialogue may have fewer words than a page that's strictly narrative. One rule of thumb I've seen is to use an average of 275 words per page, so 50,000 words would be around 181 pages.
This query is young adult (YA historical mystery) so the author is in the ballpark with the word count, although it's on the lower side of the scale.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your feedback, it's very cool to see younger writers take such an interest!
Thanks for the feedback! I'm only fourteen, so I don't know everything yet.
Tally- I'm 39, and I don't know everything either. I think what I said to Anne is worth repeating...it's very cool to see young writers take such initiative. Don't get discouraged and keep trying. Good luck to both of you!
Tally, this is so much better than the original! Much more active and concise. Send it out a handful of agents. If you don't get a request, I'll be very surprised.
Except for one issue -- when you say that the killer convinces him, that makes me think the murder sat him down and explained the issue over some coffee -- I thought this query was fabulous. Clear, concise, containing all pertinent information.
Tally, can I just tell you how much I love this title! I think it's awesome :)
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