Sep 29, 2010


Click here to read the original query.

Seventeen-year-old Thea Vans will do anything to protect her best friend, Tully. That’s why she’ll never speak to him again.

Thea’s always hidden her ability to heal or infect with a single touch – but the powers don’t belong to her anymore. Left-Hander, the new and inexplicable voice in her head has taken control, and unfortunately for Thea, she’s got a two-year-old’s temperament. A few cases of hives, broken legs, projectile vomiting, and heart palpitations all with Thea at the scene have put her in the spotlight at school – and now Tully thinks she’s possessed.

Thea would argue, but she knows nothing about her origins or who Left-Hander is, thanks to her guardian’s lack of blab. She doesn’t know that the teenagers who reawaken dead eels at the local waterway and sic them on a crowd of high schoolers are called The Whips, soldiers of Death.

Thea’s reward for fighting the Whips and saving her classmates is information: the Whips and Slips (the soldiers of Life) have been fighting for centuries, and their greatest weapon is Thea, whose set of powers could be used to kill thousands. Run-and-hide would be a smart move –

Except Tully’s injured in the waterway attack and is taken to the Slip base to heal. Thea’s got no choice but to follow and make sure he makes it out alive. Good thing the Slips don’t realize she’s got some Whip in her too. If she can just control her powers, maybe she and Tully can make it out alive.

As long as Left-Hander cooperates.

1 comment:

Rick Daley said...

I prefer the first version, I think it had more voice to it. Had there been pages submitted with it, I would have been interested enough to read them attentively.

This one seems kind of forced, where the original flowed a little more naturally.

As you get more feedback, be sure to apply a filter to it...if you try to revise and incorporate everything everyone told you, you're likely to miss the mark. Not to say any one piece of feedback is wrong, but sometimes two valid ideas might not meld together. It's up to you to decide what advice you heed, you know the story better than any of us...