Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want Alexis Powers’ soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. Alex is a violent crimes investigator, not a Finder, but Death makes it crystal clear that she is the one who must handle this case or face his wrath. When the reason why becomes apparent, it will destroy Alex’s family forever.
To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses. The stakes are raised even higher when Alex’s disabled partner is brutally murdered in his bed as a warning for her to stay away.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market holy relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage uses the priest’s holy soul to raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R. Barnard
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2 comments:
I really love the improvements! The first version wasn't quite right, the second version has so much more action! #2 invites the reader in.
One suggestion, the prtion regarding the setting--Western Massachusetts after the fall of the veil...could probably be taken out. It would be more streamlined and keep the reader interested. Just a thought.
Good luck!
I hadn't read your original query, so was a little confused by the "not a Finder" reference. I figured that would be clarified later, but there was only the mention in the second paragraph about her darker demonic impulses. I think you probably do want to work in the part about Alex being a half demon.
I agree with the other comment about leaving out the setting info.
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