Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
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2 comments:
Hi. I didn't read the original queries, so I could come into this fresh (like an agent would). Overall, the query and premise sound good. A couple things that hit me, though.
I stumbled at '3031 CE'. Maybe it's just me, but it's hard to wrap my brain around that as a year. Could you possibly just put something like: When sixteen year old Catalina returns to the 30th century after searching through time for her mother, she never imagined pieces of the world's magical past would come back with her.
I'm thinking you're using her name a wee bit much throughout. You really only mention one other person, and then not in depth, so I think you can get away with using 'she'.
Does her missing mother play into the plot through the rest of the book, or was she just the catakyst for the time-traveling and the choice later? I guess I'm still confused about the main plot line of the book. What is the crux of it, and what about that is going to draw an agent in?
I'd be interested to know what happens, and it sounds like a book I'd like to read, but the idea seems lost in all the details. I know they're important to the novel, but you've got 80K to explain the nuances there.
Sorry if I wasn't clear this morning. If you have any questions, shoot me an email through my profile.
Hi, Jen.
I agree with B.E. re: the century (although I think it would be the 31st century) and your protag's name (no need to say Catalina so often). I also think that the plot here can be streamlined - you need just enough to whet an agent's appetite.
I noticed a couple of other things, too...
1. It should be "80,000-word" in the first sentence.
2. In the second sentence, you have different tenses... it should read "she never imagines".
3. The last paragraph is awkward - in fact, I don't understand the second sentence. Could you try re-writing it?
Good luck with the query - and the book. It sounds interesting!
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