Click here to read the original query.
**Thanks for all your great feedback on the first attempt! I knew I would need those first impressions to see if it needed to be toned down a little. word count is 330, is that too much???
Seventeen-year-old Dan has never been punished for what he did to Hannah last spring while drunk and high at a party. He barely knew Hannah and now her life is ruined and no one will listen to Dan, not the judge or the four shrinks he's seen since that night.They all say the same thing, "It's not your fault." It's up to him to create his own miserable existence – to make sure he's punished, but he's too much of a coward to do what he should.
Instead, he leaves behind his comfortable California life, his high-profile parents, and every ounce of joy, to move to the north suburbs of Chicago, before his senior year. Dan has a brilliant mind and a gift for music. He also has a carefully crafted plan to remain in his unhappy existence – number one on his list: commit social suicide by going from cute, popular jock to most valuable member of the Trivia bowl Team. Only now, for the first time he isn't hiding his good side- he's finding it.
His plan is failing. He's surrounded with people who care for him, maybe even love him. And he can't help thinking about Claire – beautiful, kind, funny and looking at him in a way he doesn't deserve. When she leans in to kiss him, he sees Hannah's face. His mind swims with the memory of that night and he can't breathe.
Dan's slowly walking a plank and buying time in purgatory until the decision is made - either forgive himself or drown. He's knows what he deserves, but everything is off-balance now. He may have someone amazing like Claire trying to pull him from his miserable life sentence, but he can't stop asking, "Am I worth it?"
AM I WORTH IT is a 60,000 word young adult novel telling the story of a boy's ability to emerge from a sea of guilt and come out a better man.
Sep 24, 2009
Query - Llona Reese: By the Light of the Moon, young adult
Dear Agent,
I’m seeking representation for my 94,000 word young adult, urban fantasy, LLONA REESE: BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON, about a young girl who just wants to live a long life without the constant fear of being murdered for her unique gift.
LLONA REESE is not your typical seventeen-year-old high school girl. She is an Aura, a female who contains the ancient and powerful Light. Where other teen age girls have to deal with changing hormones and growing boobs, Llona has to figure out how to control Light’s power… and fast.
Strange and frightening things begin happening and she suspects a Vicen has discovered her true identity, despite her extreme efforts to protect herself. Vicens are strong, evil beings who kill Auras for the Light in their blood, which in turn gives them great power. With the help of her first real friend, MAY, who she met under unusual circumstances, and CHRISTIAN, the mysterious boy who knows more than he’s telling, Llona decides not to run. She does, after all, deserve one normal year of school, doesn’t she? By choosing to stay and fight, she risks the lives of everyone she loves and ultimately changes her life forever.
LLONA REESE: BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON is the first in a series of three, but could stand on its own. It will appeal to R.L. Stine fans and any teenager who has felt out of place. Upon your request, I am prepared to send the complete manuscript. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
(personal info)
I’m seeking representation for my 94,000 word young adult, urban fantasy, LLONA REESE: BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON, about a young girl who just wants to live a long life without the constant fear of being murdered for her unique gift.
LLONA REESE is not your typical seventeen-year-old high school girl. She is an Aura, a female who contains the ancient and powerful Light. Where other teen age girls have to deal with changing hormones and growing boobs, Llona has to figure out how to control Light’s power… and fast.
Strange and frightening things begin happening and she suspects a Vicen has discovered her true identity, despite her extreme efforts to protect herself. Vicens are strong, evil beings who kill Auras for the Light in their blood, which in turn gives them great power. With the help of her first real friend, MAY, who she met under unusual circumstances, and CHRISTIAN, the mysterious boy who knows more than he’s telling, Llona decides not to run. She does, after all, deserve one normal year of school, doesn’t she? By choosing to stay and fight, she risks the lives of everyone she loves and ultimately changes her life forever.
LLONA REESE: BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON is the first in a series of three, but could stand on its own. It will appeal to R.L. Stine fans and any teenager who has felt out of place. Upon your request, I am prepared to send the complete manuscript. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
(personal info)
Sep 22, 2009
Successful Query
I have an agent. Holy smokes, did I say that? I think I did. It must be real.
We're working to get RUDY TOOT-TOOT in shape for submission to a publisher. If you search for Rudy Toot-Toot on this blog you can find the queries, but they aren't what was important, to be honest with you. The important parts were the characters and the writing. It didn't happen overnight. [NOTE: It happened over an hour in the afternoon. You can move fast when the manuscript is only 4,000 words.]
Some history, because this is what's important:
I've been reading agent and editor blogs for about 18 months (I'm a parent, so I speak in months up to 3 years. Do the math.) I've tried to participate by commenting frequently, to show a professional attitude and foster discussion about the craft of writing and the business of publishing. And also be an occasional smart-ass. But I was careful to stay on topic and not hijack a thread (I probably just got on twelve NSA lists for using the word "hijack." You just made three for reading it.)
I've queried and been rejected many times for other works. I've had an agent review a partial, but declined the full with helpful feedback. To be honest with you, it wasn't ready. As hard a pill as that was to swallow, all that work on my first novel had to be re-done. WIP. But the re-write is better. A lot better. Good enough? Time will tell.
I also had a picture book manuscript, but most agents don't represent picture books. I found a couple that do and queried but never got a reply. Eventually I came across news of a children's publishing veteran joining a literary agency, and I reached out to her through the email address on her blog, indicating that I was familiar with the books she works with (i.e. picture books and children's books). I also noted that I read her preferred submission methods (which did not include querying), and asked if she would was open to a query for my picture book. She said for picture books she prefers the whole manuscript, but recommended I wait until her official start date at a new agency about 3 weeks later.
I had the patience to wait until her second day at the agency, mostly to make sure her email account would be set up. It took a couple weeks before she responded with very good feedback, but ultimately saying it wasn't enough and encouraging more from the story. She ended with "please stay in touch."
So I got to writing. After another three weeks the 500-word picture book grew into a 4,000 word chapter book, and a quick sit-down at dinner grew to a full day of doing chores at the family Bean Market.
I re-queried by replying to her last email with the new query, and I attached a copy of the manuscript again. This is good protocol, it helps a busy agent remember who you are, and they don't have to dig for a prior email. But alas, I received an out of office reply that said she would still check messages when possible.
One month passed, and each day I wanted to email her and ask,"Did you get it? What'd you think?"
But I didn't. I waited a full month and then I decided to follow-up via email. I very politely mentioned that I re-queried with a new MS a month ago and got an out of office reply, so I just wanted to make sure it didn't fall through the cracks. I did this by forwarding the prior query (which had the entire originating thread) and I re-attached the manuscript.
It turns out the other email did fall through the cracks, and she read the re-submission right away. She got back to me within the hour (4,000 words = 16 pages) and said she would like to help get it in shape for a publisher, and the rest of that day was spent discussing the story and what it needs. This morning I woke up early to get writing before my day job, and my alarm's set for an early rise again tomorrow.
And the rest is history (in the making)...
NOTE: I have not given up on my other two works in progress, but they are on the back burner for a short while. Must keep writing. For now, this is a great step on my path to publication.
We're working to get RUDY TOOT-TOOT in shape for submission to a publisher. If you search for Rudy Toot-Toot on this blog you can find the queries, but they aren't what was important, to be honest with you. The important parts were the characters and the writing. It didn't happen overnight. [NOTE: It happened over an hour in the afternoon. You can move fast when the manuscript is only 4,000 words.]
Some history, because this is what's important:
I've been reading agent and editor blogs for about 18 months (I'm a parent, so I speak in months up to 3 years. Do the math.) I've tried to participate by commenting frequently, to show a professional attitude and foster discussion about the craft of writing and the business of publishing. And also be an occasional smart-ass. But I was careful to stay on topic and not hijack a thread (I probably just got on twelve NSA lists for using the word "hijack." You just made three for reading it.)
I've queried and been rejected many times for other works. I've had an agent review a partial, but declined the full with helpful feedback. To be honest with you, it wasn't ready. As hard a pill as that was to swallow, all that work on my first novel had to be re-done. WIP. But the re-write is better. A lot better. Good enough? Time will tell.
I also had a picture book manuscript, but most agents don't represent picture books. I found a couple that do and queried but never got a reply. Eventually I came across news of a children's publishing veteran joining a literary agency, and I reached out to her through the email address on her blog, indicating that I was familiar with the books she works with (i.e. picture books and children's books). I also noted that I read her preferred submission methods (which did not include querying), and asked if she would was open to a query for my picture book. She said for picture books she prefers the whole manuscript, but recommended I wait until her official start date at a new agency about 3 weeks later.
I had the patience to wait until her second day at the agency, mostly to make sure her email account would be set up. It took a couple weeks before she responded with very good feedback, but ultimately saying it wasn't enough and encouraging more from the story. She ended with "please stay in touch."
So I got to writing. After another three weeks the 500-word picture book grew into a 4,000 word chapter book, and a quick sit-down at dinner grew to a full day of doing chores at the family Bean Market.
I re-queried by replying to her last email with the new query, and I attached a copy of the manuscript again. This is good protocol, it helps a busy agent remember who you are, and they don't have to dig for a prior email. But alas, I received an out of office reply that said she would still check messages when possible.
One month passed, and each day I wanted to email her and ask,"Did you get it? What'd you think?"
But I didn't. I waited a full month and then I decided to follow-up via email. I very politely mentioned that I re-queried with a new MS a month ago and got an out of office reply, so I just wanted to make sure it didn't fall through the cracks. I did this by forwarding the prior query (which had the entire originating thread) and I re-attached the manuscript.
It turns out the other email did fall through the cracks, and she read the re-submission right away. She got back to me within the hour (4,000 words = 16 pages) and said she would like to help get it in shape for a publisher, and the rest of that day was spent discussing the story and what it needs. This morning I woke up early to get writing before my day job, and my alarm's set for an early rise again tomorrow.
And the rest is history (in the making)...
NOTE: I have not given up on my other two works in progress, but they are on the back burner for a short while. Must keep writing. For now, this is a great step on my path to publication.
Sep 21, 2009
QUERY: THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN (1st revision)
Click here to read the original query.
When eighteen-year-old Toby Beckett chases his dog into Washington, D.C.’s Rock Creek Park, he discovers a Nikon with digital photos of a UFO crash and a giant woman. Skeptical and thrilled, he heads to a Union Station coffee bar to show the photos to Burke Kerrigan, a former AP photographer, who just laughs at them. Toby falls for Burke’s beautiful sister Kate when she joins their table. Suddenly they spot the giant in the crowd around the subway. Leaping up, they trail her across the city until she reveals herself to be inhuman and disappears inside Buchanan House, an upscale condominium next to Rock Creek Park. Burke argues that the giant is a carnival freak who faked the photos, but when they hike into the woods, they find the UFO behind a damaged camouflage force field. Disaster strikes when Burke steps in a light filled grid and can’t get out.
THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN is a romantic, 86,000 word science fiction/fantasy novel about people as well as aliens. Toby, an amiable slacker who has never put himself on the line before, finds himself with impossible choices. After he discovers the alien is dangerous, he somehow has to find the words to warn his sister and her husband, who are about to move into Buchanan House. He finds himself falling in love with Kate and tries to help her rescue her brother, but she calls him a coward because he doesn’t want to risk their lives. While the alien adapts to the city with frightening consequences, Toby discovers who left the Nikon in the woods and finally stumbles upon the UFO’s unique purpose.
As for myself, I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the Cleveland Park neighborhood where the novel takes place. Right now I am working on a sequel. [Personalized agent information and enclosures].
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely,
Author
When eighteen-year-old Toby Beckett chases his dog into Washington, D.C.’s Rock Creek Park, he discovers a Nikon with digital photos of a UFO crash and a giant woman. Skeptical and thrilled, he heads to a Union Station coffee bar to show the photos to Burke Kerrigan, a former AP photographer, who just laughs at them. Toby falls for Burke’s beautiful sister Kate when she joins their table. Suddenly they spot the giant in the crowd around the subway. Leaping up, they trail her across the city until she reveals herself to be inhuman and disappears inside Buchanan House, an upscale condominium next to Rock Creek Park. Burke argues that the giant is a carnival freak who faked the photos, but when they hike into the woods, they find the UFO behind a damaged camouflage force field. Disaster strikes when Burke steps in a light filled grid and can’t get out.
THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN is a romantic, 86,000 word science fiction/fantasy novel about people as well as aliens. Toby, an amiable slacker who has never put himself on the line before, finds himself with impossible choices. After he discovers the alien is dangerous, he somehow has to find the words to warn his sister and her husband, who are about to move into Buchanan House. He finds himself falling in love with Kate and tries to help her rescue her brother, but she calls him a coward because he doesn’t want to risk their lives. While the alien adapts to the city with frightening consequences, Toby discovers who left the Nikon in the woods and finally stumbles upon the UFO’s unique purpose.
As for myself, I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the Cleveland Park neighborhood where the novel takes place. Right now I am working on a sequel. [Personalized agent information and enclosures].
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely,
Author
Short Story Writing Contest: "Rain Stories"
NOTE: This came through the submissions queue. I am not affiliated with the BookRix site. Technically I'm not affiliated with The Literary Lab either, but I comment there almost every day so I posted the Genre Wars contest link out of kinship. End of disclaimer.
- September 15th 2009 to October 15th 2009 -
Summer is about to end? Autumn is knocking at the door? Stormy weather and rain predicted? It is time to read a book or even write one. Take advantage of the unpleasant rainy weather and enter the latest BookRix Short Story Writing Contest for free: Tell us your rain story, turn your wordsmith powers into positive cashflow and fame. Write a story that has anything to do with rain, or Mr. Rain, or a dog named Rain, whatever.
Key Facts:
* Anyone registered at our BookRix.com website can join the contest (except citizens of Germany, Austria and Switzerland).
* Authors and readers can enter the competition for free and win cash money.
* Enter a book about rain that you have already written and published or write a new rain story.
Prizes for authors:
First Prize: $1000
Second Prize: $500
Third Prize: $300
Prizes for readers:
10 Amazon vouchers each worth $20 will be raffled for free among all readers taking part in the voting process.
* No entry fee is required
http://www.bookrix.com/precontest.html?lang=en&show=BX_1252680162
Good luck to all!
- September 15th 2009 to October 15th 2009 -
Summer is about to end? Autumn is knocking at the door? Stormy weather and rain predicted? It is time to read a book or even write one. Take advantage of the unpleasant rainy weather and enter the latest BookRix Short Story Writing Contest for free: Tell us your rain story, turn your wordsmith powers into positive cashflow and fame. Write a story that has anything to do with rain, or Mr. Rain, or a dog named Rain, whatever.
Key Facts:
* Anyone registered at our BookRix.com website can join the contest (except citizens of Germany, Austria and Switzerland).
* Authors and readers can enter the competition for free and win cash money.
* Enter a book about rain that you have already written and published or write a new rain story.
Prizes for authors:
First Prize: $1000
Second Prize: $500
Third Prize: $300
Prizes for readers:
10 Amazon vouchers each worth $20 will be raffled for free among all readers taking part in the voting process.
* No entry fee is required
http://www.bookrix.com/precontest.html?lang=en&show=BX_1252680162
Good luck to all!
Sep 20, 2009
Query - AM I WORTH IT? - young adult
Seventeen-year-old Dan has never been punished for what he did to Hannah last spring while drunk and high at a party. He barely knew Hannah and now her life is ruined and no one will listen to Dan, not the judge or the four shrinks he's seen since that night. It's up to him to create his own miserable existence – to make sure he's punished, but he's too much of a coward to do what he should.
Instead, he leaves behind his comfortable California life, his high profile parents, and every ounce of joy, to move to the North Suburbs of Chicago, before his senior year. Dan has a brilliant mind and a gift for music. He also has a carefully crafted plan to remain in his unhappy existence – number one on his list: commit social suicide by going from cute, popular, Jock to most valuable member of the Trivia bowl Team. Only now, for the first time he isn't hiding his good side, he's finding it.
His plan is failing. He's surrounded with people who care for him, maybe even love him. And he can't help thinking about Claire – beautiful, kind, funny and looking at him in a way he doesn't deserve. When she leans in to kiss him, he sees Hannah's face, terrified and streaked with tears and hears her voice screaming for him to stop, and he can't breathe. His greatest fear is he'll hurt someone else, and he's not getting close enough to find out.
Dan's slowly walking a plank and buying time in purgatory until the decision is made - either forgive himself or drown. He's knows what he deserves, but everything is off-balance now. He may have someone amazing like Claire trying to pull him from his miserable life sentence, but he can't stop asking, "Am I worth it?"
AM I WORTH IT is a 60,000 word young adult novel telling the story of a boy's ability to emerge from a sea of guilt and come out a better man.
Instead, he leaves behind his comfortable California life, his high profile parents, and every ounce of joy, to move to the North Suburbs of Chicago, before his senior year. Dan has a brilliant mind and a gift for music. He also has a carefully crafted plan to remain in his unhappy existence – number one on his list: commit social suicide by going from cute, popular, Jock to most valuable member of the Trivia bowl Team. Only now, for the first time he isn't hiding his good side, he's finding it.
His plan is failing. He's surrounded with people who care for him, maybe even love him. And he can't help thinking about Claire – beautiful, kind, funny and looking at him in a way he doesn't deserve. When she leans in to kiss him, he sees Hannah's face, terrified and streaked with tears and hears her voice screaming for him to stop, and he can't breathe. His greatest fear is he'll hurt someone else, and he's not getting close enough to find out.
Dan's slowly walking a plank and buying time in purgatory until the decision is made - either forgive himself or drown. He's knows what he deserves, but everything is off-balance now. He may have someone amazing like Claire trying to pull him from his miserable life sentence, but he can't stop asking, "Am I worth it?"
AM I WORTH IT is a 60,000 word young adult novel telling the story of a boy's ability to emerge from a sea of guilt and come out a better man.
QUERY: THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN
When eighteen-year-old Toby Beckett chases his dog into Washington, D.C.’s Rock Creek Park, he discovers a Nikon with digital photos of a UFO crash and a giant woman. Both skeptical and thrilled, he heads to a Union Station coffee bar to show the photos to Burke Kerrigan, a former AP photographer, who just laughs at them. Toby falls for Burke’s beautiful sister Kate when she joins their table. Suddenly they spot the giant in the subway crowd. Leaping up, they trail her across the city until she reveals herself to be inhuman and disappears inside Buchanan House, an elegant condominium near the woods where Toby found the Nikon. Burke argues that the giant is a carnival freak who faked the photos to make money, but when they hike into Rock Creek Park, they find the UFO behind a damaged camouflage force field.
THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN is a romantic, 85,800 word science fiction/fantasy novel about three couples who cross paths with a mysterious UFO that crashes in Rock Creek Park. Toby, falling for his friend Kate, discovers the UFO with her, but when her brother Burke gets trapped inside the saucer, no one believes them. Toby’s sister Lisa Mitchell and her husband Ian, constantly bickering with each other, move into Buchanan House and find they have a strange neighbor. Monroe Broussard, a friend of Toby’s who is struggling to return to law school after a hurricane kills his family, keeps seeing a door in the sky, but doesn’t know how to explain his vision to his fiancée. While the alien adapts to the city with frightening consequences, one person stumbles upon the UFO’s unique purpose.
As for myself, I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the area where the novel takes place. Right now I’m writing a sequel. A copyeditor has checked THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN (_________name and credentials of copyeditor). I’m enclosing a SASE, synopsis and the first (__________per agent's submission guidelines) pages, which are disposable copy.
(Personalized paragraph about why I am contacting this agent). Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely,
Author
THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN is a romantic, 85,800 word science fiction/fantasy novel about three couples who cross paths with a mysterious UFO that crashes in Rock Creek Park. Toby, falling for his friend Kate, discovers the UFO with her, but when her brother Burke gets trapped inside the saucer, no one believes them. Toby’s sister Lisa Mitchell and her husband Ian, constantly bickering with each other, move into Buchanan House and find they have a strange neighbor. Monroe Broussard, a friend of Toby’s who is struggling to return to law school after a hurricane kills his family, keeps seeing a door in the sky, but doesn’t know how to explain his vision to his fiancée. While the alien adapts to the city with frightening consequences, one person stumbles upon the UFO’s unique purpose.
As for myself, I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the area where the novel takes place. Right now I’m writing a sequel. A copyeditor has checked THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN (_________name and credentials of copyeditor). I’m enclosing a SASE, synopsis and the first (__________per agent's submission guidelines) pages, which are disposable copy.
(Personalized paragraph about why I am contacting this agent). Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely,
Author
Sep 19, 2009
Question about sample pages
Rick,
What's your take on language content for our sample pages posted on query slush pile. Should I **** them or something?
Thanks,
Julie
ANSWER: That's a good f%*$ing question.
I don't believe there are bad words, just inappropriate times and places to use them. Submit your content as-is, I think we have a mature readership here. If it gets to a point where a submission is too adult-oriented that I cannot keep the site open for everyone, I may respectfully decline to post a submission. If the submitter's contact info is in his/her profile, I will reach out to explain why.
I am tempted to say, "Don't worry, I doubt that I will ever be so offended as to without a post." However, I know that doing so would be inviting the more inventive of you to a seeming dual of ideals, and I'm pretty sure somebody else would win. Not because of my own personal tolerance, but because I am restricted by the environs of public decorum.
What's your take on language content for our sample pages posted on query slush pile. Should I **** them or something?
Thanks,
Julie
ANSWER: That's a good f%*$ing question.
I don't believe there are bad words, just inappropriate times and places to use them. Submit your content as-is, I think we have a mature readership here. If it gets to a point where a submission is too adult-oriented that I cannot keep the site open for everyone, I may respectfully decline to post a submission. If the submitter's contact info is in his/her profile, I will reach out to explain why.
I am tempted to say, "Don't worry, I doubt that I will ever be so offended as to without a post." However, I know that doing so would be inviting the more inventive of you to a seeming dual of ideals, and I'm pretty sure somebody else would win. Not because of my own personal tolerance, but because I am restricted by the environs of public decorum.
Sep 18, 2009
Query- Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine (revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Take two - I incorporated some of the changes and tweaked a couple of things. I originally included the part about relationships at the bottom for precisely the reason Rick stated - vampires are a tough sell in the post-Twilight era. I was trying to make it clear that there's more to the story than vampires. Let me know if you think the new sentence is any better or it confuses things. And thank you for your willingness to help!
Dear [Agent},
When Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year, but feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories: she moves across the Atlantic to find solace in the cottage she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.
Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.
She should have been scared.
Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there…
To further complicate matters, there are some in the vampire community who seem to know that Grace possesses The Soul Collector--the only mirror that allows vampires to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace to figure out how to safeguard it from those who might use it for their own corrupt purposes.
I hope you will be interested in representing my paranormal romance, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a relatable tale with the lightness and humor of chick lit, the passion of romance, and the dark glamour of vampires.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Kristy Hutchison
Take two - I incorporated some of the changes and tweaked a couple of things. I originally included the part about relationships at the bottom for precisely the reason Rick stated - vampires are a tough sell in the post-Twilight era. I was trying to make it clear that there's more to the story than vampires. Let me know if you think the new sentence is any better or it confuses things. And thank you for your willingness to help!
Dear [Agent},
When Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year, but feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories: she moves across the Atlantic to find solace in the cottage she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.
Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.
She should have been scared.
Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there…
To further complicate matters, there are some in the vampire community who seem to know that Grace possesses The Soul Collector--the only mirror that allows vampires to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace to figure out how to safeguard it from those who might use it for their own corrupt purposes.
I hope you will be interested in representing my paranormal romance, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a relatable tale with the lightness and humor of chick lit, the passion of romance, and the dark glamour of vampires.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Kristy Hutchison
Sep 17, 2009
Query- Winter Roses Never Die (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks for adding this again, Rick.
This time I'm just going to paste in the main gist of the query without salutations, etc. Thanks, all :)
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance with elements of mystical Christianity and is 92,000 words in length.
Introverted, shy and imaginative, Jennie is a late bloomer while Charos is a force of nature. She notices him for the first time while taking a shortcut through the abandoned Catholic cemetery. The powerfully built, darkly beautiful man beside the rose-covered grave is rather hard to miss. As he is often at the rosy gravesite, she plucks up courage to introduce herself. Charos shows little interest which disappoints but doesn't surprise Jennie. However one 'man' always has time for her. During her treks through the cemetery to and from work, Jennie stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ, garbed in a maroon cloak, and sometimes receives wonderful 'inspirationals' when she does.
Despite his initial coolness, Charos seems to warm towards her when she shows interest in the blood red roses that are flourising in mid-winter. He explains that the winter roses never die only sleep through summer returning every winter when 'she' is needed the most. Although they begin to spend more time together, he remains an edgy, unpredictable mystery. However, she feels he understands her and sees her real worth more than anyone else. He is the only one to call her by her real name, Genevieve, as he thinks this is who she really is. The name means 'woman of the people' and turns out to be a fitting choice as Jennie discovers Charos is not human, and like the rest of his kind who haunt the cemetery, he refers to human beings as The People.
Come late spring the winter roses and Charos fade away leaving Jennie in despair but impregnated with life like the budding flowers and trees that have overgrown the cemetery. She is determined to find out the truth about Charos and to bring him back into her life and her unborn child's. Only the 'Man' Jennie needs the most can arm her with wisdom and faith to win the love of the man who needs her the most. And only the magical winter roses will enable her to understand how the truest, most selfless love - found in the realms of spirit and legend - can restore not only Charos' soul but the spiritual life of humanity.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks for adding this again, Rick.
This time I'm just going to paste in the main gist of the query without salutations, etc. Thanks, all :)
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance with elements of mystical Christianity and is 92,000 words in length.
Introverted, shy and imaginative, Jennie is a late bloomer while Charos is a force of nature. She notices him for the first time while taking a shortcut through the abandoned Catholic cemetery. The powerfully built, darkly beautiful man beside the rose-covered grave is rather hard to miss. As he is often at the rosy gravesite, she plucks up courage to introduce herself. Charos shows little interest which disappoints but doesn't surprise Jennie. However one 'man' always has time for her. During her treks through the cemetery to and from work, Jennie stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ, garbed in a maroon cloak, and sometimes receives wonderful 'inspirationals' when she does.
Despite his initial coolness, Charos seems to warm towards her when she shows interest in the blood red roses that are flourising in mid-winter. He explains that the winter roses never die only sleep through summer returning every winter when 'she' is needed the most. Although they begin to spend more time together, he remains an edgy, unpredictable mystery. However, she feels he understands her and sees her real worth more than anyone else. He is the only one to call her by her real name, Genevieve, as he thinks this is who she really is. The name means 'woman of the people' and turns out to be a fitting choice as Jennie discovers Charos is not human, and like the rest of his kind who haunt the cemetery, he refers to human beings as The People.
Come late spring the winter roses and Charos fade away leaving Jennie in despair but impregnated with life like the budding flowers and trees that have overgrown the cemetery. She is determined to find out the truth about Charos and to bring him back into her life and her unborn child's. Only the 'Man' Jennie needs the most can arm her with wisdom and faith to win the love of the man who needs her the most. And only the magical winter roses will enable her to understand how the truest, most selfless love - found in the realms of spirit and legend - can restore not only Charos' soul but the spiritual life of humanity.
Sep 16, 2009
Query- Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine
Dear [Agent],
When twenty-something Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year and still feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories; she packs up her life and moves across the Atlantic to find solace in a cottage that she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.
Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.
She should have been scared.
Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there.
To further complicate matters, there are those in the vampire community who think Grace possesses a mirror called, The Soul Collector. It’s the only mirror that allows a vampire to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace, and Hagan--if he can be trusted--to figure out how to safeguard it from those who would use it for their own corrupt purposes.
According to agentquery.com you represent women’s fiction. I hope that you will be interested in representing my debut, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a story involving vampires, but at its heart it’s about love, loss, and all the complexities of the relationships we all experience.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Kristy Hutchison
When twenty-something Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year and still feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories; she packs up her life and moves across the Atlantic to find solace in a cottage that she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.
Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.
She should have been scared.
Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there.
To further complicate matters, there are those in the vampire community who think Grace possesses a mirror called, The Soul Collector. It’s the only mirror that allows a vampire to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace, and Hagan--if he can be trusted--to figure out how to safeguard it from those who would use it for their own corrupt purposes.
According to agentquery.com you represent women’s fiction. I hope that you will be interested in representing my debut, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a story involving vampires, but at its heart it’s about love, loss, and all the complexities of the relationships we all experience.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Kristy Hutchison
Sep 15, 2009
QUERY - The Broadwater Challenges
Dear Agent,
Congratulations on your recent success with _________________ by __________. Perhaps you would be interested in our project.
Imagine Watership Down with dragons instead of rabbits. That’s The Broadwater Challenges, our approximately 69,000-word middle-grade fantasy novel.
Harold may be the son of a dragon king, but he sure doesn’t feel like one. He doesn’t want any part of the Three Challenges, the dangerous competition that the six dragon kings have set up for their heirs. He didn’t mean to pick that fight with T’Roc, the menacing son of his own father’s chief rival. He didn’t expect to fall for Rosewing, the beautiful daughter of another king. He doesn’t know what he did to make Canus, the leader of the outlaw Clanless Ones, angry enough to want to kill him. And then there’s that kraken on the loose, hunting dragons and threatening his family. Of course, Harold could ignore it all and nap on the beach. But sometimes being the son of the king means doing what you have to do, not what you want to do.
We have several published short stories to our credit, including one of Harold’s earlier adventures in [name redated], a fantasy/sci-fi magazine for children. Both of us are members of the New Jersey Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. In fact, The Broadwater Challenges won an NJSCBWI Award for Best Young Adult Fantasy. While it was written as a standalone novel, we also have outlines for two sequels.
Please be advised that this is a simultaneous submission. We can provide sample chapters or the full manuscript upon request.
Thank you for your consideration.
Us
P.S. - I know that an actual query would not have a P.S., but I do have a specific question about our query. Harold is a slightly overweight vegetarian dragon. This fact, of course, causes some serious problems for him throughout the novel. We do not mention that anywhere in the query. Should we?
Congratulations on your recent success with _________________ by __________. Perhaps you would be interested in our project.
Imagine Watership Down with dragons instead of rabbits. That’s The Broadwater Challenges, our approximately 69,000-word middle-grade fantasy novel.
Harold may be the son of a dragon king, but he sure doesn’t feel like one. He doesn’t want any part of the Three Challenges, the dangerous competition that the six dragon kings have set up for their heirs. He didn’t mean to pick that fight with T’Roc, the menacing son of his own father’s chief rival. He didn’t expect to fall for Rosewing, the beautiful daughter of another king. He doesn’t know what he did to make Canus, the leader of the outlaw Clanless Ones, angry enough to want to kill him. And then there’s that kraken on the loose, hunting dragons and threatening his family. Of course, Harold could ignore it all and nap on the beach. But sometimes being the son of the king means doing what you have to do, not what you want to do.
We have several published short stories to our credit, including one of Harold’s earlier adventures in [name redated], a fantasy/sci-fi magazine for children. Both of us are members of the New Jersey Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. In fact, The Broadwater Challenges won an NJSCBWI Award for Best Young Adult Fantasy. While it was written as a standalone novel, we also have outlines for two sequels.
Please be advised that this is a simultaneous submission. We can provide sample chapters or the full manuscript upon request.
Thank you for your consideration.
Us
P.S. - I know that an actual query would not have a P.S., but I do have a specific question about our query. Harold is a slightly overweight vegetarian dragon. This fact, of course, causes some serious problems for him throughout the novel. We do not mention that anywhere in the query. Should we?
THE SECOND CHANCE (3rd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Okay - I took some of each of the other queries, all the great suggestions I have been given, and put a little more of myself into this one. . . hope it is starting to work! And thanks again to everyone who has been commenting on my query - you are all a GREAT help!
Dear Agent:
Jerry awakes in a hospital bed thinking of a woman he hasn’t seen in seven years. With his company closed and a broken past he is now determined to fix, Jerry travels to Pennsylvania to reclaim the only woman he has ever loved. Except there’s a problem: she’s dead - and when she left seven years ago, she was pregnant.
With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. The moment is bittersweet as Jerry is presented with a box of notes from Debbie that was never sent and the news that the disease that took Debbie’s life was passed on to Jake. The box of notes provides Jerry with some comfort and closure towards Debbie. The mitochondrial disease that caused heart failure for Debbie was causing Jake’s heart to be smaller in size than normal.
As Jerry becomes a father to Jake, he finds himself falling in love with Amy. Struggling to let go of the past and appreciate the future, Jerry is tested once again on the day he is going to propose to Amy. After finding Jake face down in living room a victim to the disease that now takes two people he has loved, Jerry must find the strength within himself to be strong again for Amy and for his second chance.
THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses the personal journey. It is set through the eyes of a man as he learns to become a better person through some of life’s hardest lessons. It is also a reminder that it is never too late to go back and change things.
My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jim Wisneski
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Okay - I took some of each of the other queries, all the great suggestions I have been given, and put a little more of myself into this one. . . hope it is starting to work! And thanks again to everyone who has been commenting on my query - you are all a GREAT help!
Dear Agent:
Jerry awakes in a hospital bed thinking of a woman he hasn’t seen in seven years. With his company closed and a broken past he is now determined to fix, Jerry travels to Pennsylvania to reclaim the only woman he has ever loved. Except there’s a problem: she’s dead - and when she left seven years ago, she was pregnant.
With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. The moment is bittersweet as Jerry is presented with a box of notes from Debbie that was never sent and the news that the disease that took Debbie’s life was passed on to Jake. The box of notes provides Jerry with some comfort and closure towards Debbie. The mitochondrial disease that caused heart failure for Debbie was causing Jake’s heart to be smaller in size than normal.
As Jerry becomes a father to Jake, he finds himself falling in love with Amy. Struggling to let go of the past and appreciate the future, Jerry is tested once again on the day he is going to propose to Amy. After finding Jake face down in living room a victim to the disease that now takes two people he has loved, Jerry must find the strength within himself to be strong again for Amy and for his second chance.
THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses the personal journey. It is set through the eyes of a man as he learns to become a better person through some of life’s hardest lessons. It is also a reminder that it is never too late to go back and change things.
My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jim Wisneski
Sep 14, 2009
QUERY: FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD...
Dear Agent,
Scotland, 2010. When Aggie MacLayne discovers that her best friend Sandra´s new husband and his mates are playing a grossly violent and misogynistic illegal online game, she agonizes over what to do. All she knows is that she wants to cause her friend the least possible pain. To sort out her jumbled thoughts Aggie writes them down and on the spur of the moment sends them to a magazine agony aunt. The magazine turns out to be legally obliged to inform the authorities. Aggie is questioned and pressurized into divulging names. The police raid the newlyweds´council house, finding not only evidence of the notorious game but also a stash of illegal guns. Sandra won´t be holding her man for a long, long time.
Just as it looks as though Aggie might be getting somewhere in trying to pick her trebly shocked friend up from the floor, the guns´owners become convinced that Sandra grassed up her hubbie. She barely escapes a vicious attack. Aggie, terrified that her role in events might emerge, comes clean to Sandra. Together the friends decide that they must flee their never more claustrophobic Glasgow estate and go on the run.
A gritty literary novel about two young women´s rise above poverty, violence and rampant chauvinism in a country where it seems not only the weather is getting colder, FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD… is complete at 90,000 words.
Please find enclosed a synopsis and three sample chapters as per your submissions guidelines (or similar, and personalized tidbit plus biog bit).
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Author
Scotland, 2010. When Aggie MacLayne discovers that her best friend Sandra´s new husband and his mates are playing a grossly violent and misogynistic illegal online game, she agonizes over what to do. All she knows is that she wants to cause her friend the least possible pain. To sort out her jumbled thoughts Aggie writes them down and on the spur of the moment sends them to a magazine agony aunt. The magazine turns out to be legally obliged to inform the authorities. Aggie is questioned and pressurized into divulging names. The police raid the newlyweds´council house, finding not only evidence of the notorious game but also a stash of illegal guns. Sandra won´t be holding her man for a long, long time.
Just as it looks as though Aggie might be getting somewhere in trying to pick her trebly shocked friend up from the floor, the guns´owners become convinced that Sandra grassed up her hubbie. She barely escapes a vicious attack. Aggie, terrified that her role in events might emerge, comes clean to Sandra. Together the friends decide that they must flee their never more claustrophobic Glasgow estate and go on the run.
A gritty literary novel about two young women´s rise above poverty, violence and rampant chauvinism in a country where it seems not only the weather is getting colder, FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD… is complete at 90,000 words.
Please find enclosed a synopsis and three sample chapters as per your submissions guidelines (or similar, and personalized tidbit plus biog bit).
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Author
Sep 13, 2009
FOURTH REVISION - THE CHOSEN ONES AND THE DRAGON WAR
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version.
Click here to read the third version.
Dear Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone.
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny. When he finally discovers his destiny, he is elated and fully embraces his powers.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey and finally tells her the truth. Unlike Jack, Katie doesn't want to be different and she doesn't want to fight the fey. Her intelligence works against her as she doesn't want to believe these illogical tales are true. She reluctantly agrees to train with the Mages, but secretly plans an escape back to Earth. Then she discovers dragons are alive and thriving there, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone)
Click here to read the second version.
Click here to read the third version.
Dear Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone.
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny. When he finally discovers his destiny, he is elated and fully embraces his powers.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey and finally tells her the truth. Unlike Jack, Katie doesn't want to be different and she doesn't want to fight the fey. Her intelligence works against her as she doesn't want to believe these illogical tales are true. She reluctantly agrees to train with the Mages, but secretly plans an escape back to Earth. Then she discovers dragons are alive and thriving there, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone)
Sep 12, 2009
Third Revision - The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version
(so, I listened to the comments (after I cried) and I have taken the wonderful advice given to me to heart and I think I'm getting closer to explaining my epic (read too-long) book. I'm chopping the novel also, so I don't know how many words it will be in the end. Thank you all for your wonderful coments and for helping make me a better queriest! - Natalie)
Dear Mr/Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone. But first, can they save a clan of dragons in the midst of war?
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos, designing them to work together as a team. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. She attends school with her peers. She helps around the farm. She even plays with her brothers. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey, where she discovers dragons are alive and thriving, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone number)
Click here to read the second version
(so, I listened to the comments (after I cried) and I have taken the wonderful advice given to me to heart and I think I'm getting closer to explaining my epic (read too-long) book. I'm chopping the novel also, so I don't know how many words it will be in the end. Thank you all for your wonderful coments and for helping make me a better queriest! - Natalie)
Dear Mr/Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone. But first, can they save a clan of dragons in the midst of war?
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos, designing them to work together as a team. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. She attends school with her peers. She helps around the farm. She even plays with her brothers. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey, where she discovers dragons are alive and thriving, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone number)
Sep 11, 2009
Short Story Writing Contest
The Literary Lab just announced a short story writing contest!
The deadline for submissions is December 1, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. PST, so you have plenty of time to polish up your best 1,000-2,000 word short story (or write a new one).
Details are posted here.
The Lab will be awarding prizes, and all genres of fiction are invited to submit.
I know am going to submit, and I think it would be awesome to see some of the Slushpile regulars among the winning entries, I know there are a lot of talented writers following this blog. Here's a chance to show off your chops!
The deadline for submissions is December 1, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. PST, so you have plenty of time to polish up your best 1,000-2,000 word short story (or write a new one).
Details are posted here.
The Lab will be awarding prizes, and all genres of fiction are invited to submit.
I know am going to submit, and I think it would be awesome to see some of the Slushpile regulars among the winning entries, I know there are a lot of talented writers following this blog. Here's a chance to show off your chops!
QUERY: NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE Revision 3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy Thompson believes she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert Crane won’t take no for an answer. After weeks of persistence, and a commitment to sobriety, he wins Amy’s heart.
It doesn’t take long for the couple to feel the pressure from Robert’s family and church to marry, and though Robert is eager for a family of his own, Amy still has nightmares about the trauma of her own childhood and the "accidental" death of her mother. One solid year’s sobriety is Amy’s price, but no matter how much Robert prays, or how many sacrifices Amy and his best friend Calvin Mertz make for him, his own insecurities drive Robert repeatedly back to the bottle.
As Robert’s alcoholism and brutality escalates, Amy becomes convinced that she has two choices: abandon Robert and try to rebuild the hard-won independence she’d gained before she met him, or make the ultimate commitment and hope that marriage and family is truly the cure for his alcoholism. Before Amy can make a decision, a new option opens in the form of a long, passionate kiss from Cal.
Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction about testing the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy Thompson believes she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert Crane won’t take no for an answer. After weeks of persistence, and a commitment to sobriety, he wins Amy’s heart.
It doesn’t take long for the couple to feel the pressure from Robert’s family and church to marry, and though Robert is eager for a family of his own, Amy still has nightmares about the trauma of her own childhood and the "accidental" death of her mother. One solid year’s sobriety is Amy’s price, but no matter how much Robert prays, or how many sacrifices Amy and his best friend Calvin Mertz make for him, his own insecurities drive Robert repeatedly back to the bottle.
As Robert’s alcoholism and brutality escalates, Amy becomes convinced that she has two choices: abandon Robert and try to rebuild the hard-won independence she’d gained before she met him, or make the ultimate commitment and hope that marriage and family is truly the cure for his alcoholism. Before Amy can make a decision, a new option opens in the form of a long, passionate kiss from Cal.
Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction about testing the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
La Dame D'Or - 1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.
A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.
A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.
As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.
A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.
A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.
As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sep 10, 2009
Query: Ready or Not
Dear Agent:
Yeah, Katherine missed birth control pills in the past, but she never got a freakin' plus sign on her pregnancy test! Now she has to decide how to deal with Nate, her boyfriend of four years who she doesn't really even like. And she is clueless about what to do with these unexpected feelings for Brandon, the ladies man of the payroll office where she works.
Katherine and Nate have had a tumultuous relationship, but because every other man (including her father) ditched her after a few months of her company, she finds it impossible and impractical to leave him—even though Brandon persistently tries to convince her otherwise.
After the baby is born, postpartum depression sets in. Katherine worries about harming her baby, develops an obsession with Vicodin, and struggles with a nagging feeling that Nate is cheating on her. Nate, unable to cope with Katherine's unpredictable emotions, takes off five weeks after the baby is born.
Katherine is convinced that Nate left because of the weight she gained during pregnancy and can only find comfort in skipping meals—not that she's anorexic or anything! Oh, she also develops a nasty habit of sleeping with strange men—anything to not be alone. She can only turn her life around with the help of the man who never loved her enough and the man who never got a chance to love her.
Ready or Not, complete at 96,000 words, is a work of women's fiction. Please contact me if you're interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Yeah, Katherine missed birth control pills in the past, but she never got a freakin' plus sign on her pregnancy test! Now she has to decide how to deal with Nate, her boyfriend of four years who she doesn't really even like. And she is clueless about what to do with these unexpected feelings for Brandon, the ladies man of the payroll office where she works.
Katherine and Nate have had a tumultuous relationship, but because every other man (including her father) ditched her after a few months of her company, she finds it impossible and impractical to leave him—even though Brandon persistently tries to convince her otherwise.
After the baby is born, postpartum depression sets in. Katherine worries about harming her baby, develops an obsession with Vicodin, and struggles with a nagging feeling that Nate is cheating on her. Nate, unable to cope with Katherine's unpredictable emotions, takes off five weeks after the baby is born.
Katherine is convinced that Nate left because of the weight she gained during pregnancy and can only find comfort in skipping meals—not that she's anorexic or anything! Oh, she also develops a nasty habit of sleeping with strange men—anything to not be alone. She can only turn her life around with the help of the man who never loved her enough and the man who never got a chance to love her.
Ready or Not, complete at 96,000 words, is a work of women's fiction. Please contact me if you're interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
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