Dear Agent,
Kill. That is what warriors are supposed to do. They are not supposed to dream visions or fall for their worst enemy.
Twenty-two year old Talya is a knight who lives and breathes to fight. The need to avenge her mother`s death fuels her as Sanctus, her country, prepares for war against the expanding Malinorian Empire. She hates the Malinorians, especially their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered her king, he`s almost killed Talya twice.
With the upcoming battle on her mind, Talya is shocked when a prophet from the woods tells her that God has called her to go on a mission to Hunter Forest. When the messenger of God confirms the graphic nightmares that Talya has been having, she agrees to go.
It is in Hunter Forest that Talya finds Jalarn. Her plan to slay him doesn`t exactly go as planned. When she awakens within a Malinorian prison, she needs to make a decision to follow Jalarn`s religion in order to live, or stay true to her faith and die.
By the Sword is a fantasy novel that is 81,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 7, 2011
Jun 3, 2011
The Best Writing Advice...
The submissions queue has been light lately, and I'm about to embark on a week of international travel, so here's a discussion thread for you all to ponder in the event we have a query drought.
What's the best writing advice you have ever received?
Please post it here in the comments. It can be related to any aspect of writing, publishing, how to live with being a writer and stay sane, how to live with a writer and stay sane (for our friends and family), etc.
For me, it came in the form of query feedback: try to sum up your novel in one sentence. I've found this to be incredibly helpful for queries and for my manuscripts as a whole. Being able to identify the heart of a story is critical, and sometimes it's a moving target as I write, re-write, and revise.
How about you? What's the best writing advice you've received?
What's the best writing advice you have ever received?
Please post it here in the comments. It can be related to any aspect of writing, publishing, how to live with being a writer and stay sane, how to live with a writer and stay sane (for our friends and family), etc.
For me, it came in the form of query feedback: try to sum up your novel in one sentence. I've found this to be incredibly helpful for queries and for my manuscripts as a whole. Being able to identify the heart of a story is critical, and sometimes it's a moving target as I write, re-write, and revise.
How about you? What's the best writing advice you've received?
May 28, 2011
Query People of Fae
Dear Future Agent,
Accidentally being left behind on a biology class field trip in the woods, seventeen year old Lyssa Cleverthorn is almost abducted by a lizard like creature and a woman that looked like she walked off a fashion show runway, this could have been the result of hitting her head too hard, a figment of her imagination or a link to her puzzled past. Always feeling out of step with others her age, Lyssa never thought her social abnormalities were spell induced. Even when tall, dark, emerald green eyed Toby abandons his hot girlfriend, leaves her to think she is the center of some elaborate joke. It isn't until Lyssa receives an unexpected message from Zoey her dad's ex-girlfriend who suddenly left, wants something from Lyssa. Unknowingly, Lyssa is used by Zoey as a vessel for hiding a legendary magic called Everspell that has grown tendrils into her and removing it would mean death. Not only having Toby interested in her, she has also gained the interest of the power hungry, mafia like Muse brothers that are part of a hidden world called Fae. Lyssa is a wild card, and before Zoey can reach her, the cat and mouse game has begun. Within twenty four hours Lyssa is thrown into the Fae world after her father disappears and attacked herself by one of the Muse's henchmen. Everything unravels and secrets are revealed from long time family friends about Lyssa's connection with the Fae world now on the brink of destruction or revolution. Even Toby's infatuation was only a spell to trick him to protect her, now has secrets of his own that leaves Lyssa doubting her feelings. With the power to change what is wrong, Lyssa must decide in sacrificing herself to a world she never knew existed or let it die. The Everspell now tangled with her should have killed her that is until she discovered who she really is.
People of Fae(104,000 words) is an urban fantasy sparking interest of teenage girls and possibly cross marketing into older YA categories. I truly enjoy YA and hope you will consider my project and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
MM Winke
Accidentally being left behind on a biology class field trip in the woods, seventeen year old Lyssa Cleverthorn is almost abducted by a lizard like creature and a woman that looked like she walked off a fashion show runway, this could have been the result of hitting her head too hard, a figment of her imagination or a link to her puzzled past. Always feeling out of step with others her age, Lyssa never thought her social abnormalities were spell induced. Even when tall, dark, emerald green eyed Toby abandons his hot girlfriend, leaves her to think she is the center of some elaborate joke. It isn't until Lyssa receives an unexpected message from Zoey her dad's ex-girlfriend who suddenly left, wants something from Lyssa. Unknowingly, Lyssa is used by Zoey as a vessel for hiding a legendary magic called Everspell that has grown tendrils into her and removing it would mean death. Not only having Toby interested in her, she has also gained the interest of the power hungry, mafia like Muse brothers that are part of a hidden world called Fae. Lyssa is a wild card, and before Zoey can reach her, the cat and mouse game has begun. Within twenty four hours Lyssa is thrown into the Fae world after her father disappears and attacked herself by one of the Muse's henchmen. Everything unravels and secrets are revealed from long time family friends about Lyssa's connection with the Fae world now on the brink of destruction or revolution. Even Toby's infatuation was only a spell to trick him to protect her, now has secrets of his own that leaves Lyssa doubting her feelings. With the power to change what is wrong, Lyssa must decide in sacrificing herself to a world she never knew existed or let it die. The Everspell now tangled with her should have killed her that is until she discovered who she really is.
People of Fae(104,000 words) is an urban fantasy sparking interest of teenage girls and possibly cross marketing into older YA categories. I truly enjoy YA and hope you will consider my project and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
MM Winke
May 19, 2011
QUERY: STEALING A DREAM (3rd attempt)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear agent,
Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.
Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear agent,
Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.
Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)
May 14, 2011
QUERY- STEALING A DREAM (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Ms. agent,
When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.
Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.
When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.
Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.
Dear Ms. agent,
When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.
Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.
When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.
Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.
May 11, 2011
QUERY: LIQUID SMOKE
Dear Fantastic Agent,
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna Reece is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny Reece teams up with his long-standing enemy, agent Rick Delaruse, to uncover the truth behind the government program his daughter participated in as a child. When the inner workings of Liquid Smoke are finally revealed, Danny has a decision to make: let his daughter die by the hands of a stranger...or kill her himself.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. Thank you for your consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna Reece is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny Reece teams up with his long-standing enemy, agent Rick Delaruse, to uncover the truth behind the government program his daughter participated in as a child. When the inner workings of Liquid Smoke are finally revealed, Danny has a decision to make: let his daughter die by the hands of a stranger...or kill her himself.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. Thank you for your consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
QUERY: STEALING A DREAM
Dear agent,
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.
The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.
But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.
Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.
With Faziel, nothing is simple.
Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.
The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.
But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.
Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.
With Faziel, nothing is simple.
Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Apr 27, 2011
Query- Absorption
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.
Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.
Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.
Apr 26, 2011
Query: THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.
Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.
His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.
Click here to read the first revision.
The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.
Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.
His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.
Query: Abbey (1st revision) --note new title
Click here to read the original query.
On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.
By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.
The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.
The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.
The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.
Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.
Thank you for your time,
Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey
On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.
By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.
The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.
The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.
The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.
Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.
Thank you for your time,
Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey
Apr 24, 2011
Query:Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen
Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen is a 56,000 word young adult novel. Written with equal amounts of suspense and humor, the book tells the story of an unusual 15-year old. Strange things have always happened around Abbey—on her first birthday Abbey’s recently deceased grandmother is photographed looming over her in the background—but strand her at a haunted summer camp having to battle both the counselors and the undead and anything can happen.
Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.
River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.
Sincerely,
Allan Evans
Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.
River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.
Sincerely,
Allan Evans
Apr 18, 2011
QUERY- THE ODD I SEE, Third Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
(Grabbed a fistful of form rejections on the last version. Let's try this again!)
Dear Dream Agent,
After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and a rather rude entrance into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fiona wants to know why she ought to bother existing.
THE ODD I SEE is a coming of age story for the sort of person who staunchly refuses to come of age. One part heartfelt love letter, one part memory-laced suicide note, and one part metafictional choose-your-own-adventure-style romp, THE ODD I SEE is a 71,000-word work of quirky literary fiction with a speculative twist.
Twenty-two year old Fiona (or “Fifi” to everyone but her mother) works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her questionably sane worldview with recession-era middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, she uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.
Written for and by someone who graduated with a liberal arts degree in the late 2000’s, THE ODD I SEE will appeal to any reader who has ever questioned the status quo.
(Brief paragraph of personalization.) Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best,
Bre Kidman
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
(Grabbed a fistful of form rejections on the last version. Let's try this again!)
Dear Dream Agent,
After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and a rather rude entrance into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fiona wants to know why she ought to bother existing.
THE ODD I SEE is a coming of age story for the sort of person who staunchly refuses to come of age. One part heartfelt love letter, one part memory-laced suicide note, and one part metafictional choose-your-own-adventure-style romp, THE ODD I SEE is a 71,000-word work of quirky literary fiction with a speculative twist.
Twenty-two year old Fiona (or “Fifi” to everyone but her mother) works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her questionably sane worldview with recession-era middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, she uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.
Written for and by someone who graduated with a liberal arts degree in the late 2000’s, THE ODD I SEE will appeal to any reader who has ever questioned the status quo.
(Brief paragraph of personalization.) Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best,
Bre Kidman
Query - The Desmona Child
Dear Agent,
I am looking for an agent that likes fantasy/mythology with a twist. My debut novel, THE DESMONA CHILD, is a 106,000 word work of YA fantasy that leads up to the fall of Atlantis.
The ladies room is hardly where Marine Desmona expected a proposal. She had danced, giggled and enjoyed the night right up until a mysterious Duke cornered her and vowed everlasting love. In the tumultuous weeks following that event Marine is conflicted, but never more so than when she learns that she is the key to bringing magic back to the kingdom of Adara - and that having witch-blood makes her appealing to the Duke because he wants to create a progeny of untold magical power. Such a child could have god-like dominion over life and death.
A long journey to escape the Duke leads Marine to the literal doorstep of a fabled haven, the legendary Atlantis, where she hopes to disappear…
I am querying widely, but will grant exclusivity if you are interested in seeing more of my work.
Thank you for your time
I am looking for an agent that likes fantasy/mythology with a twist. My debut novel, THE DESMONA CHILD, is a 106,000 word work of YA fantasy that leads up to the fall of Atlantis.
The ladies room is hardly where Marine Desmona expected a proposal. She had danced, giggled and enjoyed the night right up until a mysterious Duke cornered her and vowed everlasting love. In the tumultuous weeks following that event Marine is conflicted, but never more so than when she learns that she is the key to bringing magic back to the kingdom of Adara - and that having witch-blood makes her appealing to the Duke because he wants to create a progeny of untold magical power. Such a child could have god-like dominion over life and death.
A long journey to escape the Duke leads Marine to the literal doorstep of a fabled haven, the legendary Atlantis, where she hopes to disappear…
I am querying widely, but will grant exclusivity if you are interested in seeing more of my work.
Thank you for your time
Mar 30, 2011
Query- Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover
Dear Agent,
Lucy has the kind of luck any child, or adult for that matter, would dream of- everything she wishes just happens to happen before it is said. But after an embarrassing classroom accident and a costly doll wish, it becomes very clear that her luck isn’t lucky for everyone near. When one of her wishes costs her best friend and dog the last piece of his favorite cake, he makes it his mission to put a stop to her wishing. Despite his hard work, Lucy is convinced that the only way to have fun is through self-wishes and it is not until she has a life changing experience that she begins to see the true value of her luck: her ability to wish a world of great things for the people she loves.
Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover is a 1600 word rhyming picture book that tells Lucy’s story from the perspective of her dog and best friend. Beginning with her fortuitous birth in the back of a taxicab and ending with her self-realization at a child’s birthday party, the story is a fast-passed tale of friendship and transformation that is written for both children and parents.
As indicated in your submission instructions I have included the full manuscript.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration,
Lucy has the kind of luck any child, or adult for that matter, would dream of- everything she wishes just happens to happen before it is said. But after an embarrassing classroom accident and a costly doll wish, it becomes very clear that her luck isn’t lucky for everyone near. When one of her wishes costs her best friend and dog the last piece of his favorite cake, he makes it his mission to put a stop to her wishing. Despite his hard work, Lucy is convinced that the only way to have fun is through self-wishes and it is not until she has a life changing experience that she begins to see the true value of her luck: her ability to wish a world of great things for the people she loves.
Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover is a 1600 word rhyming picture book that tells Lucy’s story from the perspective of her dog and best friend. Beginning with her fortuitous birth in the back of a taxicab and ending with her self-realization at a child’s birthday party, the story is a fast-passed tale of friendship and transformation that is written for both children and parents.
As indicated in your submission instructions I have included the full manuscript.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration,
Mar 23, 2011
Query- The Silver Strand (3rd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
I submit my middle grade, fantasy adventure, The Silver Strand, complete at 55,000 words for your consideration. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds and high-tech flying devices as featured in Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.
When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, she never bargained on it draining her magical power and life.
With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information. Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad forcing her to rely on prickling warts to dodge death. Then she is challenged by a grumpy dragon who threatens to roast her on a spit.
Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned in Agartha. To escape, she must muster what remains of her magic and battle corrupt Agarthan leaders who break every rule to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
I submit my middle grade, fantasy adventure, The Silver Strand, complete at 55,000 words for your consideration. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds and high-tech flying devices as featured in Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.
When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, she never bargained on it draining her magical power and life.
With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information. Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad forcing her to rely on prickling warts to dodge death. Then she is challenged by a grumpy dragon who threatens to roast her on a spit.
Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned in Agartha. To escape, she must muster what remains of her magic and battle corrupt Agarthan leaders who break every rule to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query Joseph and the Magical Pathways
Its Joseph Wendt’s first day as a teenager and life just got infinitely more complicated. Joseph would like to think he is still that guy who doesn’t believe in magic, dragons, or wizards. He was that guy before a shadow figure attacked him, before a wizard saved him, and before he discovered a one thousand year old prophesy which points to him as the one destined to save a magical world Joseph has never even heard of.
If you ask Joseph, however, the prophesy has named the wrong man. Forget the fact that being brave is not one of Joseph’s characteristics, or that words have a funny way of fighting him; Joseph isn’t magical, never has been, not a day in his life. He is certainly not the type of boy you would expect to be chosen to save the world or save, well, anything. But all of that is about to change.
Joseph is thrust into a world where things are never what they seem. Wizards are the norm and fairies are evil. Luckily, Juliana, a wizard-in-training with a fierce competitive streak, is up for the challenge of getting one befuddled teenage boy ready for the fight of his life.
With a few lessons, and one very interesting game night where things only went mildly wrong (Joseph really hadn’t meant to levitate Juliana’s family, that was definitely his wand’s fault), Joseph almost believes, that maybe, just maybe...nah.
But doubt shuffling around Joseph’s rambling mind is the least of his worries. With magic, the line between the truth and a lie are quickly blurred and betrayal is an easily accomplished task. Joseph must face the facts. His new friends may not be what they seem. And time is running out.
Joseph and the Magical Pathways is a complete young adult fantasy novel at 65,000 words. Thank you for your time.
If you ask Joseph, however, the prophesy has named the wrong man. Forget the fact that being brave is not one of Joseph’s characteristics, or that words have a funny way of fighting him; Joseph isn’t magical, never has been, not a day in his life. He is certainly not the type of boy you would expect to be chosen to save the world or save, well, anything. But all of that is about to change.
Joseph is thrust into a world where things are never what they seem. Wizards are the norm and fairies are evil. Luckily, Juliana, a wizard-in-training with a fierce competitive streak, is up for the challenge of getting one befuddled teenage boy ready for the fight of his life.
With a few lessons, and one very interesting game night where things only went mildly wrong (Joseph really hadn’t meant to levitate Juliana’s family, that was definitely his wand’s fault), Joseph almost believes, that maybe, just maybe...nah.
But doubt shuffling around Joseph’s rambling mind is the least of his worries. With magic, the line between the truth and a lie are quickly blurred and betrayal is an easily accomplished task. Joseph must face the facts. His new friends may not be what they seem. And time is running out.
Joseph and the Magical Pathways is a complete young adult fantasy novel at 65,000 words. Thank you for your time.
Mar 21, 2011
Query- WALKING OFF PLUTO (Version 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Lynn’s father is dying, but she’s more concerned about Pluto losing its status in the solar system. She’d rather be alone and mourn for the dwarf planet than grieve for a man she secretly hates in WALKING OFF PLUTO, a contemporary young adult novel at 78,000 words.
Seventeen-year-old Lynn risks losing control of her emotions when she meets Peter in the hospital, the same night her father passes away. She’s attracted to Peter because he speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Despite multiple medical conditions, including a fear of food, he is Lynn’s ultimate distraction, while Lynn’s older sister, Chloe, is the ultimate agitation.
Chloe seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell in order to understand Lynn’s resentment. Chloe’s attempts are a failure as Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even cringing when she bashes a mirror with her bare hands. The only time Lynn feels remotely alive is when she is with Peter who has a few secrets of his own. When Peter opens up about the tragedies of his past, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father’s death and the resentment she holds against him, she’ll never be able to love anyone.
WALKING OFF PLUTO began as a short play. (INSERT INFO ABOUT PERFORMANCES AND FESTIVALS AND HOW PLAY GREW INTO A NOVEL)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The Blank Girl
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Lynn’s father is dying, but she’s more concerned about Pluto losing its status in the solar system. She’d rather be alone and mourn for the dwarf planet than grieve for a man she secretly hates in WALKING OFF PLUTO, a contemporary young adult novel at 78,000 words.
Seventeen-year-old Lynn risks losing control of her emotions when she meets Peter in the hospital, the same night her father passes away. She’s attracted to Peter because he speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Despite multiple medical conditions, including a fear of food, he is Lynn’s ultimate distraction, while Lynn’s older sister, Chloe, is the ultimate agitation.
Chloe seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell in order to understand Lynn’s resentment. Chloe’s attempts are a failure as Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even cringing when she bashes a mirror with her bare hands. The only time Lynn feels remotely alive is when she is with Peter who has a few secrets of his own. When Peter opens up about the tragedies of his past, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father’s death and the resentment she holds against him, she’ll never be able to love anyone.
WALKING OFF PLUTO began as a short play. (INSERT INFO ABOUT PERFORMANCES AND FESTIVALS AND HOW PLAY GREW INTO A NOVEL)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The Blank Girl
Mar 18, 2011
Query- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 5th revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.
But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.
Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-word thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.
Thank you for reviewing this query. Please let me know if I can send you a synopsis or any part of the manuscript.
Mar 17, 2011
Query: The Narrow Way-1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
"I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dharma. I take refuge in the Sangha," I say, repeating the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as they wash over me from the crackling loudspeakers.
And with that, I am a Buddhist. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
Only three years before, I was crouched on the floor, picking through a dirty carpet for bits of crack cocaine that might have sizzled of the end of my pipe. That was the climax of my life twenty years in the making, hiding in the closet, pretending to be straight, seeking to drown myself in a violent ocean of drinking, drugs and attempted suicides.
But now, out, sober and free, I am in India following the footsteps of the Buddha and for the first time in my life, I am certain that I have come the right way.
The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.
Sincerely,
Chris Lemig
Dear Agent,
"I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dharma. I take refuge in the Sangha," I say, repeating the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as they wash over me from the crackling loudspeakers.
And with that, I am a Buddhist. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
Only three years before, I was crouched on the floor, picking through a dirty carpet for bits of crack cocaine that might have sizzled of the end of my pipe. That was the climax of my life twenty years in the making, hiding in the closet, pretending to be straight, seeking to drown myself in a violent ocean of drinking, drugs and attempted suicides.
But now, out, sober and free, I am in India following the footsteps of the Buddha and for the first time in my life, I am certain that I have come the right way.
The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.
Sincerely,
Chris Lemig
Mar 13, 2011
QUERY-REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 4th REVISION
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.
But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.
Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to the Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.
I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.
Thank you for reviewing this query.
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