Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Shortly after Christian Bryson promises his wife, Abigail, a family, he learns he is deploying for war, something he views as just a temporary setback in fulfilling his wife’s dream of having kids. But when wounded in battle, he tragically discovers he can no longer father children.
Wishing death’s hand would have taken him instead of this second chance at life, Christian finds himself hopelessly lost, drowning in a world of despair. Blaming his calamity on God and His so-called providence and haunted by a promise he can no longer keep, Christian refuses to tell Abigail about his injury even as she tearfully pleads for him to come home.
With their marriage on the verge of collapse, Christian determines he can no longer be the man that Abigail deserves. However, God intervenes and sends two special travelers – one alive and the other not – to return Christian home to not only his wife, but also his unknown progeny.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of Christian fiction. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Feb 2, 2010
Sample Pages- THE ELEANOR STORY (revision 1)
Click here to read the query.
Click here to read the original sample pages.
Chapter 1
Memories can stick like a tongue to a frosty pole in the middle of winter. Pulling and tugging to break free will only dismember the delicate skin leaving it raw and exposed.
I remember the exact day the spot light turned on me. And by spot-light, I don’t mean me slipping on a pair of tap shoes and performing an excerpt from a Broadway musical. More like I was standing naked with my classmates staring me down, memorizing every detail.
Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but seriously, it was bad.
Sister Clarisse calls it adolescence or puberty, but I call it exposure. The time when every girl’s self-esteem is mutilated, dismembered. For me, my moment of exposure happened at the beginning of eighth grade.
“What do you think we’ll have to do?” Alison whispered to me that morning in homeroom.
I opened my bag and started pulling out books, throwing them on top of the desk. “I don’t know. Sister Clarisse didn’t give us any details.”
My nervous tone reflected the buzz of voices drifting through the classroom. Everyone was feeling it. Today was different. Of course when you’re my age, you can’t let anyone but your very best friends know the idea of watching The Movie was freakin’ scary. Yes, that’s right, Ellie Cummings was petrified of this official rite of passage into the teenage world, but never in a million years would I have guessed how much was about to change after watching The Movie. If I had known I probably would have faked an illness this morning and never left my house.
I hung my bag on the back of my chair and tugged at my green and navy pleated skirt. It was identical to the one Alison wore, but on her the required uniform was a fashion statement. Alison was already five foot five and growing constantly. Not in the gangly awkward way, but in the I’m-thirteen-but-the-ninth-grade-boys-all-snap-their-heads-in-my-direction way. Mostly because this summer she started growing things I didn’t have yet.
Don’t think I spend all my time obsessing over the bra size of my classmates, but it was the first week of school and everyone changed over the summer. Alison changed the most of all the girls and, of course, it didn’t go unnoticed. Me, well let’s just say I have the flattest chest in my entire class. This is not opinion based. It’s a fact. Even Freddie Livingston has bigger boobs than me. Seriously, he does. I cringe every time Freddie is on the “skins” team when the boys play basketball in the gym.
I was beginning to realize everything is more complicated in eighth grade. For starters, we moved to the high school wing with the ninth graders and switched classrooms every hour, bumping into them in the hallway. And if you’re unlucky like me, and scored high on your standardized testing you might even end up in a few classes with them. Talk about feeling like a puny little girl.
My other best friend Hailey leaned in close to me and Alison and whispered, “My sister told me they make everyone put condoms on oranges.”
Hailey’s sister is in tenth grade this year and entertains herself by giving Hailey a load of crap to see if she’ll believe it.
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t put condoms on oranges. Bananas maybe?”
Alison giggled beside me then put her hand over her mouth when Sister Janet glared in our direction. The nun always did this if anyone appeared to be enjoying homeroom.
Hailey’s forehead wrinkled, and I could tell she was going to give herself a head ache thinking this hard.
I put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down before whispering as quietly as possible, “Hailey we’re not going to put condoms on anything . This isn’t public school. Catholics stress abstinence, not birth control, meaning don’t do it, so there’s no reason to know how to use a condom.”
Her face relaxed.
Alison shook her head, eyes glued to the folder in her hands. “Ellie’s right.”
TJ, the cutest boy in our grade, strolled past us and we immediately jumped apart from our huddled girl talk.
TJ’s eyes fell on Alison. His cheeks blushed a little, and he hurried over to his desk.
“Did you see that,” Hailey squealed.
I clapped my hand over her mouth to shut her up. Alison threw me a grateful look. Last year we made a pact to never be those girls. The squealing ones who pretend they’re idiots and refuse to eat in front of boys. Hailey can’t help herself. She’s naturally ditzy and forgetful. It has nothing to do with male presence, so we still love her.
“My house after school,” Alison reminded us of our Friday tradition.
It was nothing more than hanging out, pigging out, making fun of the popular girls (the Pact to stay “squeal free” evolved from one of these sessions), and occasionally inventing stories about what the nuns really do after school (my personal favorite).
“Sarah’s coming. I called her last night,” Hailey said, referring to our other best friend in a different homeroom this year.
“Alright, everyone get your Math books out and start with the problems on page ten,” Sister Janet said. She narrowed her eyes at me, pointing one hand toward the door. Freddie and Dara zipped past, books tucked under their arms. I swallowed hard and threw Alison and Hailey a desperate look. Alison bit her lower lip and Hailey chewed on her thumb nail. They were the most supportive friends a girl could have, but they didn’t have to leave. I did. Day five of Algebra with the ninth graders had officially begun.
I grabbed my book and hurried after Freddie and Dara. My stomach did flip-flops while I made the long walk down the hall. But the pukey feeling was completely unrelated to the impending movie and everything to with the older kids (I’d start worrying about the movie again after Algebra). Being forced into their world, even if only for academic reasons would frightened the coolest of eighth graders (which I wasn’t). They didn’t want me there anymore than I wanted to be there.
Sister Janet says there’s always something to be grateful for- someone who was worse off. Whenever I sit in class behind the most popular ninth grade girl, April Jenson, it’s difficult to be grateful for anything God has blessed me with. But then I look over at Jenny Ludwig and give thanks that my mother doesn’t make me wear the little girl jumpers instead of the skirts. Seriously, she’s fourteen with a plaid jumper, white button down Peter Pan collar shirt, knee socks and black Mary Jane’s.
I. Kid. You. Not.
After glancing at Jenny the first day of school, I forced myself to look down at my socially acceptable skirt, navy school polo and Nike’s then I said: Yes, there is a God. I may not be April Jenson, but Sister Janet is right. It could be worse.
I took in a deep breath before entering the classroom, letting my eyes drop to stare at my shoes like I was examining them for dog crap stuck to the bottom. It’s an unspoken rule not to make eye contact with the ninth graders while on their turf (which I was). I slid into my seat and noticed Mrs. Halloway wasn’t in the room yet.
Frightening.
I was writing the date on the top of my notebook page when someone tapped me on the shoulder. My heart started pounding in my chest. It must be a trick. I wasn’t turning around just to have someone shove my finger up my nose and ask me if I’m digging for gold (this happened to Freddie yesterday, I felt terrible for him).
“Ellie, are you ignoring me?” a voice whispered in my ear.
A familiar voice. But it couldn’t be. I turned quickly in my seat and stared right into Justin’s green eyes.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t help asking.
He smiled. “It’s not an all girl’s school.”
I rolled my eyes. “You wish. But I thought you were going to George Washington?”
“My parents had me on the waiting list all summer. A spot opened up at the last minute.” He frowned and reached his hand toward my shirt and pulled off a cat hair. “Albert Einstein’s been rolling in your laundry basket again, hasn’t he?”
I laughed and pushed his hand away. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I didn’t know you were here. Plus I’m an eighth grader. I’ll probably get hung or lynched just for this little chat.”
I turned around then because Mrs. Halloway walked in to the room and I realized immediately several pairs of eyes were on me.
Spotlight number one. I wished more than anything this was the only one. It wasn’t.
My cheeks burned and I slid down in my seat hoping Mrs. Halloway would jump right in to complex equations. She did jump into the lesson but not the long boring lecture I hoped for. No, that would be lucky (which I wasn’t). And that would be reserved for traditional teachers (which Mrs. Halloway wasn’t).
Today we were doing a hands-on project- calculating angles of large objects outside using Algebraic and geometric formulas. So when she started to partner us up I glanced hopefully at Dara, even Freddie would do. Eighth graders needed to stick together, but instead I get-
“April Jenson,” Mrs. Halloway said.
April stood and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder.
Mrs. Halloway looked down at her clip board. “April your partner will be, Eleanor Cummings.”
My face turned even redder and I ducked down pretending to pick up something from the floor.
“Eleanor Cummings,” Mrs. Halloway spoke with such authority I jerked up quickly banging my head on the desk, hard.
I stood feeling the burn of everyone’s eyes.
Spotlight number two.
Mrs. Halloway was new and didn’t know name’s yet. She was just reading off the roster and the damage she caused was completely unintentional.
I heard Justin laugh a little under his breath and mutter, “Eleanor.”
I had been Ellie Cummings since preschool. Like every other day, I walked in as Ellie. But today, I left as Eleanor and today of all days Eleanor was the absolute worst name to have.
Click here to read the original sample pages.
Chapter 1
Memories can stick like a tongue to a frosty pole in the middle of winter. Pulling and tugging to break free will only dismember the delicate skin leaving it raw and exposed.
I remember the exact day the spot light turned on me. And by spot-light, I don’t mean me slipping on a pair of tap shoes and performing an excerpt from a Broadway musical. More like I was standing naked with my classmates staring me down, memorizing every detail.
Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but seriously, it was bad.
Sister Clarisse calls it adolescence or puberty, but I call it exposure. The time when every girl’s self-esteem is mutilated, dismembered. For me, my moment of exposure happened at the beginning of eighth grade.
“What do you think we’ll have to do?” Alison whispered to me that morning in homeroom.
I opened my bag and started pulling out books, throwing them on top of the desk. “I don’t know. Sister Clarisse didn’t give us any details.”
My nervous tone reflected the buzz of voices drifting through the classroom. Everyone was feeling it. Today was different. Of course when you’re my age, you can’t let anyone but your very best friends know the idea of watching The Movie was freakin’ scary. Yes, that’s right, Ellie Cummings was petrified of this official rite of passage into the teenage world, but never in a million years would I have guessed how much was about to change after watching The Movie. If I had known I probably would have faked an illness this morning and never left my house.
I hung my bag on the back of my chair and tugged at my green and navy pleated skirt. It was identical to the one Alison wore, but on her the required uniform was a fashion statement. Alison was already five foot five and growing constantly. Not in the gangly awkward way, but in the I’m-thirteen-but-the-ninth-grade-boys-all-snap-their-heads-in-my-direction way. Mostly because this summer she started growing things I didn’t have yet.
Don’t think I spend all my time obsessing over the bra size of my classmates, but it was the first week of school and everyone changed over the summer. Alison changed the most of all the girls and, of course, it didn’t go unnoticed. Me, well let’s just say I have the flattest chest in my entire class. This is not opinion based. It’s a fact. Even Freddie Livingston has bigger boobs than me. Seriously, he does. I cringe every time Freddie is on the “skins” team when the boys play basketball in the gym.
I was beginning to realize everything is more complicated in eighth grade. For starters, we moved to the high school wing with the ninth graders and switched classrooms every hour, bumping into them in the hallway. And if you’re unlucky like me, and scored high on your standardized testing you might even end up in a few classes with them. Talk about feeling like a puny little girl.
My other best friend Hailey leaned in close to me and Alison and whispered, “My sister told me they make everyone put condoms on oranges.”
Hailey’s sister is in tenth grade this year and entertains herself by giving Hailey a load of crap to see if she’ll believe it.
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t put condoms on oranges. Bananas maybe?”
Alison giggled beside me then put her hand over her mouth when Sister Janet glared in our direction. The nun always did this if anyone appeared to be enjoying homeroom.
Hailey’s forehead wrinkled, and I could tell she was going to give herself a head ache thinking this hard.
I put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down before whispering as quietly as possible, “Hailey we’re not going to put condoms on anything . This isn’t public school. Catholics stress abstinence, not birth control, meaning don’t do it, so there’s no reason to know how to use a condom.”
Her face relaxed.
Alison shook her head, eyes glued to the folder in her hands. “Ellie’s right.”
TJ, the cutest boy in our grade, strolled past us and we immediately jumped apart from our huddled girl talk.
TJ’s eyes fell on Alison. His cheeks blushed a little, and he hurried over to his desk.
“Did you see that,” Hailey squealed.
I clapped my hand over her mouth to shut her up. Alison threw me a grateful look. Last year we made a pact to never be those girls. The squealing ones who pretend they’re idiots and refuse to eat in front of boys. Hailey can’t help herself. She’s naturally ditzy and forgetful. It has nothing to do with male presence, so we still love her.
“My house after school,” Alison reminded us of our Friday tradition.
It was nothing more than hanging out, pigging out, making fun of the popular girls (the Pact to stay “squeal free” evolved from one of these sessions), and occasionally inventing stories about what the nuns really do after school (my personal favorite).
“Sarah’s coming. I called her last night,” Hailey said, referring to our other best friend in a different homeroom this year.
“Alright, everyone get your Math books out and start with the problems on page ten,” Sister Janet said. She narrowed her eyes at me, pointing one hand toward the door. Freddie and Dara zipped past, books tucked under their arms. I swallowed hard and threw Alison and Hailey a desperate look. Alison bit her lower lip and Hailey chewed on her thumb nail. They were the most supportive friends a girl could have, but they didn’t have to leave. I did. Day five of Algebra with the ninth graders had officially begun.
I grabbed my book and hurried after Freddie and Dara. My stomach did flip-flops while I made the long walk down the hall. But the pukey feeling was completely unrelated to the impending movie and everything to with the older kids (I’d start worrying about the movie again after Algebra). Being forced into their world, even if only for academic reasons would frightened the coolest of eighth graders (which I wasn’t). They didn’t want me there anymore than I wanted to be there.
Sister Janet says there’s always something to be grateful for- someone who was worse off. Whenever I sit in class behind the most popular ninth grade girl, April Jenson, it’s difficult to be grateful for anything God has blessed me with. But then I look over at Jenny Ludwig and give thanks that my mother doesn’t make me wear the little girl jumpers instead of the skirts. Seriously, she’s fourteen with a plaid jumper, white button down Peter Pan collar shirt, knee socks and black Mary Jane’s.
I. Kid. You. Not.
After glancing at Jenny the first day of school, I forced myself to look down at my socially acceptable skirt, navy school polo and Nike’s then I said: Yes, there is a God. I may not be April Jenson, but Sister Janet is right. It could be worse.
I took in a deep breath before entering the classroom, letting my eyes drop to stare at my shoes like I was examining them for dog crap stuck to the bottom. It’s an unspoken rule not to make eye contact with the ninth graders while on their turf (which I was). I slid into my seat and noticed Mrs. Halloway wasn’t in the room yet.
Frightening.
I was writing the date on the top of my notebook page when someone tapped me on the shoulder. My heart started pounding in my chest. It must be a trick. I wasn’t turning around just to have someone shove my finger up my nose and ask me if I’m digging for gold (this happened to Freddie yesterday, I felt terrible for him).
“Ellie, are you ignoring me?” a voice whispered in my ear.
A familiar voice. But it couldn’t be. I turned quickly in my seat and stared right into Justin’s green eyes.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t help asking.
He smiled. “It’s not an all girl’s school.”
I rolled my eyes. “You wish. But I thought you were going to George Washington?”
“My parents had me on the waiting list all summer. A spot opened up at the last minute.” He frowned and reached his hand toward my shirt and pulled off a cat hair. “Albert Einstein’s been rolling in your laundry basket again, hasn’t he?”
I laughed and pushed his hand away. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I didn’t know you were here. Plus I’m an eighth grader. I’ll probably get hung or lynched just for this little chat.”
I turned around then because Mrs. Halloway walked in to the room and I realized immediately several pairs of eyes were on me.
Spotlight number one. I wished more than anything this was the only one. It wasn’t.
My cheeks burned and I slid down in my seat hoping Mrs. Halloway would jump right in to complex equations. She did jump into the lesson but not the long boring lecture I hoped for. No, that would be lucky (which I wasn’t). And that would be reserved for traditional teachers (which Mrs. Halloway wasn’t).
Today we were doing a hands-on project- calculating angles of large objects outside using Algebraic and geometric formulas. So when she started to partner us up I glanced hopefully at Dara, even Freddie would do. Eighth graders needed to stick together, but instead I get-
“April Jenson,” Mrs. Halloway said.
April stood and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder.
Mrs. Halloway looked down at her clip board. “April your partner will be, Eleanor Cummings.”
My face turned even redder and I ducked down pretending to pick up something from the floor.
“Eleanor Cummings,” Mrs. Halloway spoke with such authority I jerked up quickly banging my head on the desk, hard.
I stood feeling the burn of everyone’s eyes.
Spotlight number two.
Mrs. Halloway was new and didn’t know name’s yet. She was just reading off the roster and the damage she caused was completely unintentional.
I heard Justin laugh a little under his breath and mutter, “Eleanor.”
I had been Ellie Cummings since preschool. Like every other day, I walked in as Ellie. But today, I left as Eleanor and today of all days Eleanor was the absolute worst name to have.
QUERY- THE ELEANOR STORY (first revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the sample pages.
On her fourteenth birthday, Ellie Cummings has one amazing seventy-two second kiss with the cutest boy in school. Three days later, she’s officially the slut of St. Vincent’s Academy.
Shy, quiet Ellie is in for a surprise when Justin, the boy she’s kept a secret from her friends all summer, transfers to her school. From the moment Ellie chooses a seat in the cafeteria next to Justin, she goes from flying under the radar, to being the center of gossip so juicy even the nuns are taking notice.
Her friendship with Justin is put under the microscope by everyone, including Ellie as she employs every method possible to protect her reputation, even forming her very own list of thirty items guaranteed to keep rumors from spreading. Eye gazing, hand holding, daydreaming (or vacant stare that might be mistaken for daydreaming), are all out of the question.
Despite her efforts to prove Justin is a friend and nothing more, Ellie’s true feelings creep in and she impulsively kisses him in front of twenty-six pairs of eyes and one hairy mole working for the evil HailMary22.
Three days later, HailMary22 has started a blog in her honor, Guess Eleanor Cummings Next Man. Rumors and lies fill the pages of the blog and Ellie can’t escape from an outcome she never asked for. Isolation from her friends and the boy she may love, lead to something far worse than any rumor spread. It’s up to Ellie to decide, hide from HailMary22 or stand up for herself for the first in her life.
THE ELEANOR STORY is a 54,000 word young adult novel. This is my first project.
Click here to read the sample pages.
On her fourteenth birthday, Ellie Cummings has one amazing seventy-two second kiss with the cutest boy in school. Three days later, she’s officially the slut of St. Vincent’s Academy.
Shy, quiet Ellie is in for a surprise when Justin, the boy she’s kept a secret from her friends all summer, transfers to her school. From the moment Ellie chooses a seat in the cafeteria next to Justin, she goes from flying under the radar, to being the center of gossip so juicy even the nuns are taking notice.
Her friendship with Justin is put under the microscope by everyone, including Ellie as she employs every method possible to protect her reputation, even forming her very own list of thirty items guaranteed to keep rumors from spreading. Eye gazing, hand holding, daydreaming (or vacant stare that might be mistaken for daydreaming), are all out of the question.
Despite her efforts to prove Justin is a friend and nothing more, Ellie’s true feelings creep in and she impulsively kisses him in front of twenty-six pairs of eyes and one hairy mole working for the evil HailMary22.
Three days later, HailMary22 has started a blog in her honor, Guess Eleanor Cummings Next Man. Rumors and lies fill the pages of the blog and Ellie can’t escape from an outcome she never asked for. Isolation from her friends and the boy she may love, lead to something far worse than any rumor spread. It’s up to Ellie to decide, hide from HailMary22 or stand up for herself for the first in her life.
THE ELEANOR STORY is a 54,000 word young adult novel. This is my first project.
Feb 1, 2010
The Butterfly Key -- Revision 2 (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
When Nicole Kuefler’s seemingly indelible faith crumbles after her miscarriage, she falls into an agonizing conflict against God. Concerned for his wife, Nicole’s husband Drew gathers his family around the Christmas tree to weave a story about God and His so-called providence. This is the allegory of The Butterfly Key.
Christian Bryson’s mother died after childbirth, his father recently lost his battle with cancer. Therefore, when Abigail, his wife, discovers she is pregnant, she is ecstatic to deliver him some good news. Sadly, before Abigail can tell him, Christian crushes her world by informing her that he is deploying for war. Consequently, Abigail reluctantly decides to keep her pregnancy a secret so Christian can focus on keeping himself alive.
When wounded in battle, Christian learns he can no longer father children, thus his promise of making Abigail a mother haunts his soul. Struggling to accept his calamity, Christian cannot bring himself to tell Abigail about his injury even as she pleads for him to come home. Believing Christian should return for love and not for a sense of obligation, Abigail wrongly decides not to tell him about the birth of their progeny.
With their marriage on the verge of collapsing, God intervenes and sends two special travelers to bring Christian back home to his family.
After Drew finishes his story, he is unsure if Nicole can forgive God. That is, until a unique present appears under the Christmas tree from an invented character in his story. A gift with the power to restore what Nicole had lost – her faith.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
When Nicole Kuefler’s seemingly indelible faith crumbles after her miscarriage, she falls into an agonizing conflict against God. Concerned for his wife, Nicole’s husband Drew gathers his family around the Christmas tree to weave a story about God and His so-called providence. This is the allegory of The Butterfly Key.
Christian Bryson’s mother died after childbirth, his father recently lost his battle with cancer. Therefore, when Abigail, his wife, discovers she is pregnant, she is ecstatic to deliver him some good news. Sadly, before Abigail can tell him, Christian crushes her world by informing her that he is deploying for war. Consequently, Abigail reluctantly decides to keep her pregnancy a secret so Christian can focus on keeping himself alive.
When wounded in battle, Christian learns he can no longer father children, thus his promise of making Abigail a mother haunts his soul. Struggling to accept his calamity, Christian cannot bring himself to tell Abigail about his injury even as she pleads for him to come home. Believing Christian should return for love and not for a sense of obligation, Abigail wrongly decides not to tell him about the birth of their progeny.
With their marriage on the verge of collapsing, God intervenes and sends two special travelers to bring Christian back home to his family.
After Drew finishes his story, he is unsure if Nicole can forgive God. That is, until a unique present appears under the Christmas tree from an invented character in his story. A gift with the power to restore what Nicole had lost – her faith.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
The Butterfly Key -- Revision 2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
First off I would like to thank everyone for their comments. I'm trying hard to condense this down into its essence, hopefully I can get some more of your wonderful feedback. so... with no further ado.
Dear Agent,
When Nicole Kuefler’s seemingly indelible faith crumbles after her miscarriage, she falls into an agonizing conflict against God. Concerned for his wife, Nicole’s husband Drew gathers his family around the Christmas tree to weave a story about God and His so-called providence. This is the allegory of The Butterfly Key.
Christian Bryson’s mother died shortly after childbirth, his father recently lost his battle with cancer. Therefore, when Abigail, his wife, discovers she is pregnant, she decides not to tell him because he is deploying for war.
When wounded in battle, Christian learns he can no longer father children, thus a promise he made to make Abigail a mother haunts his soul. As Christian struggles to accept a pledge he believes he cannot fulfill, Abigail fights for a husband who does not want to come home. Believing he should return for their love and not for a sense of obligation, Abigail decides not to tell Christian about her recent birth.
With their marriage on the verge of collapsing, God intervenes and sends two special travelers to bring Christian home to his wife and unknown progeny.
After Drew finishes his story, he is unsure if Nicole can forgive God. That is, until a unique present appears under the Christmas tree from an invented character in his story. A gift with the power to restore what Nicole had lost – her faith.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction, set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Click here to read the first revision.
First off I would like to thank everyone for their comments. I'm trying hard to condense this down into its essence, hopefully I can get some more of your wonderful feedback. so... with no further ado.
Dear Agent,
When Nicole Kuefler’s seemingly indelible faith crumbles after her miscarriage, she falls into an agonizing conflict against God. Concerned for his wife, Nicole’s husband Drew gathers his family around the Christmas tree to weave a story about God and His so-called providence. This is the allegory of The Butterfly Key.
Christian Bryson’s mother died shortly after childbirth, his father recently lost his battle with cancer. Therefore, when Abigail, his wife, discovers she is pregnant, she decides not to tell him because he is deploying for war.
When wounded in battle, Christian learns he can no longer father children, thus a promise he made to make Abigail a mother haunts his soul. As Christian struggles to accept a pledge he believes he cannot fulfill, Abigail fights for a husband who does not want to come home. Believing he should return for their love and not for a sense of obligation, Abigail decides not to tell Christian about her recent birth.
With their marriage on the verge of collapsing, God intervenes and sends two special travelers to bring Christian home to his wife and unknown progeny.
After Drew finishes his story, he is unsure if Nicole can forgive God. That is, until a unique present appears under the Christmas tree from an invented character in his story. A gift with the power to restore what Nicole had lost – her faith.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction, set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Jan 31, 2010
QUERY: Around Egypt on One Foot
Dear Agent,
Marie broke her ankle, managing to do this in the washroom of the plane taking her to Egypt. After two days in a Cairo hospital, she decides to continue her voyage, but what was to be the trip of a lifetime for this French Canadian pharmacist has now become a trip on crutches with the occasional—and sometimes comically defective—wheelchair thrown in. All this, Marie is convinced, is the result of the curse of Ramses which has not only been delivered prematurely, but continues to dog her throughout the trip.
Marie candidly recounts her quirky misadventures with a heavy dose of humour, from the unexpected surgery in the Egyptian hospital where important things always get done at midnight, the witching hour, to an encounter with the crutch-sucking sand of the evil Beach of Torment.
To survive, Marie adapts and acquires new skills. She learns how to avoid face-first landings in the hummus when dealing with buffets—a dangerous activity for anyone on crutches who is not a three-handed mutant. She defeats the heaving, bobbing, and rolling Dock of Despair, and even manages to build a snowman while sailing down the Nile.
Marie further enlightens the reader on the mysteries of the pyramids, Egyptian mythology, and the art of building a proper mummy. She does this with the aid of Widget and Otitis, two ancient Egyptian cartoon characters who pop up throughout the book, interjecting their own interpretation of events.
AROUND EGYPT ON ONE FOOT is a non-fiction narrative of my trip to Egypt. It not only reveals the beauty of this country from the decidedly different perspective of a damaged tourist, but also shows the kindness and warmth of its people, without which, I would have been up the Nile without an oar. It is complete at 52,000 words and is my first book.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Marie Descent
Marie broke her ankle, managing to do this in the washroom of the plane taking her to Egypt. After two days in a Cairo hospital, she decides to continue her voyage, but what was to be the trip of a lifetime for this French Canadian pharmacist has now become a trip on crutches with the occasional—and sometimes comically defective—wheelchair thrown in. All this, Marie is convinced, is the result of the curse of Ramses which has not only been delivered prematurely, but continues to dog her throughout the trip.
Marie candidly recounts her quirky misadventures with a heavy dose of humour, from the unexpected surgery in the Egyptian hospital where important things always get done at midnight, the witching hour, to an encounter with the crutch-sucking sand of the evil Beach of Torment.
To survive, Marie adapts and acquires new skills. She learns how to avoid face-first landings in the hummus when dealing with buffets—a dangerous activity for anyone on crutches who is not a three-handed mutant. She defeats the heaving, bobbing, and rolling Dock of Despair, and even manages to build a snowman while sailing down the Nile.
Marie further enlightens the reader on the mysteries of the pyramids, Egyptian mythology, and the art of building a proper mummy. She does this with the aid of Widget and Otitis, two ancient Egyptian cartoon characters who pop up throughout the book, interjecting their own interpretation of events.
AROUND EGYPT ON ONE FOOT is a non-fiction narrative of my trip to Egypt. It not only reveals the beauty of this country from the decidedly different perspective of a damaged tourist, but also shows the kindness and warmth of its people, without which, I would have been up the Nile without an oar. It is complete at 52,000 words and is my first book.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Marie Descent
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (sixth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. Only after she is attacked does Jess discover that Caleb’s secret is bitingly real and she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. When his pack in attacked, Caleb is singled out for brutal treatment. He is left traumatised and withdrawn. Jess chooses her side in the war when she runs for help, and risks her humanity, to reach out to Caleb. She helps him find his way back to a time before the pain, back to her love.
Jess’ problems lie in the secrets her parents keep from her; they prevent her from understanding why she is fast and strong, has an innate visual memory, and senses the true nature of others. Hoping to end a way of life built on hatred and annihilation, they have chosen to allow Fate to decide what will happen when the last-born Hunter meets the Alpha-to-be. Since an unscrupulous Were might see Jess’ ignorance as the perfect opportunity for revenge, it’s a good thing that Caleb fights for more than the right to love.
Thank your for your time and consideration.
My thanks to everyone who has contributed to the Query letter in its many forms. :)
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. Only after she is attacked does Jess discover that Caleb’s secret is bitingly real and she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. When his pack in attacked, Caleb is singled out for brutal treatment. He is left traumatised and withdrawn. Jess chooses her side in the war when she runs for help, and risks her humanity, to reach out to Caleb. She helps him find his way back to a time before the pain, back to her love.
Jess’ problems lie in the secrets her parents keep from her; they prevent her from understanding why she is fast and strong, has an innate visual memory, and senses the true nature of others. Hoping to end a way of life built on hatred and annihilation, they have chosen to allow Fate to decide what will happen when the last-born Hunter meets the Alpha-to-be. Since an unscrupulous Were might see Jess’ ignorance as the perfect opportunity for revenge, it’s a good thing that Caleb fights for more than the right to love.
Thank your for your time and consideration.
My thanks to everyone who has contributed to the Query letter in its many forms. :)
Jan 27, 2010
Query - Shifting Sand
Dear Agent:
Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it. That sounds just fine to Sadie Sloan.
Welcome to Tybee Island! Savannah's Playground! Mayberry on Acid! The End of Highway 80! And maybe the end of Sadie's marriage. But maybe that's a good thing, because she doesn't even love her husband. Or maybe it's a bad thing, because he is exactly what she needs. She can't be sure.
While in self-imposed exile on this tiny Georgia island, Sadie runs into Kyle, the man who left her shattered eighteen years ago. Seeing him releases a torrent of suppressed memories of that summer after high school when she fell in love with Kyle, her boyfriend's best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. The shocking suicide of Sadie's best friend drove them apart and Sadie never quite recovered. Now it seems like they have another chance to discover the happiness that was denied them so many years ago.
Sadie is too busy trying to pretend to be a teenager again to listen to friends and family who are all warning her to stay away from Kyle. Sadie's husband is too busy trying to soothe his bruised ego to tell Sadie that he loves her and desperately wants her to come back home.
Before Sadie throws her life away for Kyle, she must learn for herself that the past only exists in her memories and that as much as she may want to, she can't go back again.
Shifting Sand, a work of women's fiction, is complete at 89,000 words. Please contact me if you are interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it. That sounds just fine to Sadie Sloan.
Welcome to Tybee Island! Savannah's Playground! Mayberry on Acid! The End of Highway 80! And maybe the end of Sadie's marriage. But maybe that's a good thing, because she doesn't even love her husband. Or maybe it's a bad thing, because he is exactly what she needs. She can't be sure.
While in self-imposed exile on this tiny Georgia island, Sadie runs into Kyle, the man who left her shattered eighteen years ago. Seeing him releases a torrent of suppressed memories of that summer after high school when she fell in love with Kyle, her boyfriend's best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. The shocking suicide of Sadie's best friend drove them apart and Sadie never quite recovered. Now it seems like they have another chance to discover the happiness that was denied them so many years ago.
Sadie is too busy trying to pretend to be a teenager again to listen to friends and family who are all warning her to stay away from Kyle. Sadie's husband is too busy trying to soothe his bruised ego to tell Sadie that he loves her and desperately wants her to come back home.
Before Sadie throws her life away for Kyle, she must learn for herself that the past only exists in her memories and that as much as she may want to, she can't go back again.
Shifting Sand, a work of women's fiction, is complete at 89,000 words. Please contact me if you are interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Query -- The Butterfly Key (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions, Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and His so-called providence.
Upon reaching her breaking point on Christmas Eve, Nicole is losing her battle. With her soul fractured like a broken pane of glass, she is unable to purge the brutal despair that has seeped in through the cracks. Moreover, her seemingly indelible faith is at risk of erosion.
Determined to mend the shards of his wife’s shattered soul, Nicole’s husband, Drew, gathers his wife and children around the Christmas tree. Guided by something he could only consider extraordinary, Drew narrates a made-up tale of a young couple who also want children, but find themselves struggling amidst the providence of God.
As Drew spins his yarn, he is hoping to weave a story that will show Nicole that God has a purpose for all that happens – even the heartrending events in life.
When Drew finishes his emotional story, he is still unsure if Nicole can find it in her heart to forgive God. That is until a special gift appears under the Christmas tree from one of the invented characters in his story, which completely changes everything for both Drew and Nicole.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction and is set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Dear Agent,
Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions, Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and His so-called providence.
Upon reaching her breaking point on Christmas Eve, Nicole is losing her battle. With her soul fractured like a broken pane of glass, she is unable to purge the brutal despair that has seeped in through the cracks. Moreover, her seemingly indelible faith is at risk of erosion.
Determined to mend the shards of his wife’s shattered soul, Nicole’s husband, Drew, gathers his wife and children around the Christmas tree. Guided by something he could only consider extraordinary, Drew narrates a made-up tale of a young couple who also want children, but find themselves struggling amidst the providence of God.
As Drew spins his yarn, he is hoping to weave a story that will show Nicole that God has a purpose for all that happens – even the heartrending events in life.
When Drew finishes his emotional story, he is still unsure if Nicole can find it in her heart to forgive God. That is until a special gift appears under the Christmas tree from one of the invented characters in his story, which completely changes everything for both Drew and Nicole.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction and is set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Query: TEMPUS VIATOR (draft two)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Knees bent and body poised, Rochelle was ready to pounce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. He has been killing off viators one by one for the past twenty odd years. His lust for power and envy for Rochelle's unique ability to see into the past, a trait not common among the time travelers, makes her his number one priority. Rochelle, together with a group of loyal friends, set out from her hometown of Franklin, Tennessee to make the hell Hadrian's created a thing of the past. A thing that cannot be changed.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
Dear Agent,
Knees bent and body poised, Rochelle was ready to pounce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. He has been killing off viators one by one for the past twenty odd years. His lust for power and envy for Rochelle's unique ability to see into the past, a trait not common among the time travelers, makes her his number one priority. Rochelle, together with a group of loyal friends, set out from her hometown of Franklin, Tennessee to make the hell Hadrian's created a thing of the past. A thing that cannot be changed.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
QUERY- YOUNG ADULT PARANORMAL THRILLER TAKE TWO: NEW TITLE: WHISKERS: HARBINGERS OF CHANGE
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent Name]:
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, WHISKERS: HARBINGERS OF CHANGE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride. When uber-handsome Xavian confesses his knowledge of the danger, Nickie wonders if her classmate is tricking her or trying to help. Before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Xavian witnesses her new appendages and when he transforms into a panther, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope, or shapeshifter.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
Dear [Agent Name]:
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, WHISKERS: HARBINGERS OF CHANGE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride. When uber-handsome Xavian confesses his knowledge of the danger, Nickie wonders if her classmate is tricking her or trying to help. Before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Xavian witnesses her new appendages and when he transforms into a panther, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope, or shapeshifter.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
Jan 25, 2010
QUERY- YOUNG ADULT PARANORMAL THRILLER AILURANTHROPE
Dear [Agent Name]:
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, AILURANTHROPE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
When uber-handsome Xavian hints at knowing how to find her dad, Nickie notices his unnatural grace. But before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Too bad she’s not alone when it happens. Her worries are erased when Xavian transforms into a panther. With Xavian's help, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
I would be happy to send a complete manuscript of AILURANTHROPE upon your request.
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, AILURANTHROPE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
When uber-handsome Xavian hints at knowing how to find her dad, Nickie notices his unnatural grace. But before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Too bad she’s not alone when it happens. Her worries are erased when Xavian transforms into a panther. With Xavian's help, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
I would be happy to send a complete manuscript of AILURANTHROPE upon your request.
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (fifth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. When she finds out he is part of a pack rather than a family she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. Caleb is traumatised after the attack. Can Jess help him back to reality, back to a time before the pain, back to her love?
Thank your for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the synopsis and first three chapters.
Sincerely,
Elaine Piedmont Writer Smith :)
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. When she finds out he is part of a pack rather than a family she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. Caleb is traumatised after the attack. Can Jess help him back to reality, back to a time before the pain, back to her love?
Thank your for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the synopsis and first three chapters.
Sincerely,
Elaine Piedmont Writer Smith :)
QUERY: The Bachelor Company
In my historical novel, “The Bachelor Company,” Anthony Ward and Fitch Cunningham meet on board a ship leaving England. Anthony has just dropped out of seminary. Fitch has just committed a crime. Together they befriend a shy cabin boy, Otis Allen.
The three friends settle into menial jobs in Massachusetts. They jump at the chance to join a group headed west to seek their fortune on the route of the Erie Canal, still under construction. As the Bachelor Company, the men pledge not to marry until they have built a home and a business for each of them
But pioneer life in the 1820s is hard. One man turns back as soon as they arrive in upstate New York. Another leaves to take a safer job in a bigger town. Yet another, beset by superstition, drowns himself after his wife dies in childbirth. Anthony, Fitch and Otis stand together, even as their former comrade, the greedy, envious Russell St. John, schemes against them.
The town grows as the canal succeeds, and the men prosper – until Otis is killed in a knife fight, defending his Seneca Indian bride. Without his gentle influence, the bond between Anthony and Fitch frays. Anthony misses the church; Fitch regrets his marriage to the wealthiest – and coldest – girl in the territory.
Russell, who uses blackmail and arson to further his ambitions, rejoices when a bitter quarrel divides the two old friends.
Then the Main Street Bridge, crowded with folks eager to watch a daredevil cross the canal on a tightrope, collapses into the water, and Anthony and Fitch have one last chance to save their town, their families and each other.
“The Bachelor Company” is complete at 165,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The three friends settle into menial jobs in Massachusetts. They jump at the chance to join a group headed west to seek their fortune on the route of the Erie Canal, still under construction. As the Bachelor Company, the men pledge not to marry until they have built a home and a business for each of them
But pioneer life in the 1820s is hard. One man turns back as soon as they arrive in upstate New York. Another leaves to take a safer job in a bigger town. Yet another, beset by superstition, drowns himself after his wife dies in childbirth. Anthony, Fitch and Otis stand together, even as their former comrade, the greedy, envious Russell St. John, schemes against them.
The town grows as the canal succeeds, and the men prosper – until Otis is killed in a knife fight, defending his Seneca Indian bride. Without his gentle influence, the bond between Anthony and Fitch frays. Anthony misses the church; Fitch regrets his marriage to the wealthiest – and coldest – girl in the territory.
Russell, who uses blackmail and arson to further his ambitions, rejoices when a bitter quarrel divides the two old friends.
Then the Main Street Bridge, crowded with folks eager to watch a daredevil cross the canal on a tightrope, collapses into the water, and Anthony and Fitch have one last chance to save their town, their families and each other.
“The Bachelor Company” is complete at 165,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: TEMPUS VIATOR
Dear Agent,
Rochelle kept her body posed, ready to ponce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. His greed for power and envy for her ability to see into the past make her his number one priority. Rochelle must leave her small town of Franklin, Tennessee and face the man who has ruined so much of her life already.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. I would be happy to send a manuscript upon your request.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
Rochelle kept her body posed, ready to ponce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. His greed for power and envy for her ability to see into the past make her his number one priority. Rochelle must leave her small town of Franklin, Tennessee and face the man who has ruined so much of her life already.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. I would be happy to send a manuscript upon your request.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
Jan 24, 2010
QUERY: THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS - Third Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mythical Agent.
November 28th, 2012. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to fail worldwide, inflicting severe casualties. Already nervous, the planet is plunged into a frenzy when days later, news is leaked that an entity is travelling towards earth.
Howard Andersen, a cynic who believes that people are fundamentally untrustworthy and those who appear to be different are simply good actors, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is activated. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who resents the appointment and wants him out.
Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are linked to the approach of the craft. Is the planet truly under attack, or is it something else, something that is linked to an ancient Mayan prophecy about the end of days? Even as he grapples with those questions, Howard’s unconventional methods of solving issues gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him. As a sequence of events begins that pushes the planet to the brink of becoming a nuclear wasteland, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul in order to save lives.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mythical Agent.
November 28th, 2012. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to fail worldwide, inflicting severe casualties. Already nervous, the planet is plunged into a frenzy when days later, news is leaked that an entity is travelling towards earth.
Howard Andersen, a cynic who believes that people are fundamentally untrustworthy and those who appear to be different are simply good actors, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is activated. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who resents the appointment and wants him out.
Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are linked to the approach of the craft. Is the planet truly under attack, or is it something else, something that is linked to an ancient Mayan prophecy about the end of days? Even as he grapples with those questions, Howard’s unconventional methods of solving issues gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him. As a sequence of events begins that pushes the planet to the brink of becoming a nuclear wasteland, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul in order to save lives.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Fallen Knight - (3rd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Ms. Agent,
Jonathan James, the computer genius responsible for hacks into the Department of Defense and NASA. David Berkowitz – the infamous Son of Sam Killer. Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold, the boys responsible for the Columbine tragedy. And last but not least, the Rajneeshee religious cult, responsible for the largest bioterrorism attack in US history. All amateurs! At least that what one individual believes, and now they plan to prove it.
The story takes place over the course of nine days, climaxing on the eve of 2011 when a twisted mind intends on culminating a carefully devised crime spree by eclipsing the events of 26 years ago. At the center of the action is a female private detective who is forced to rely on the help of an aging group of amateur sleuths, all of whom stumble across the plot while investigating the assault of a friend and co-worker. Quickly in over their heads but determined nonetheless, the boundaries of the groups friendship become tested as they suddenly shift from committed pursuers…to unsuspecting quarry.
What would it be like if the Bowery Boys grew to adulthood and squared off against Professor Moriarty? That is the essence of my story.
I am writing to you because you represented DEAD AIR by ED GOLDBERG and I believe my 105,000 word mystery/suspense novel, FALLEN KNIGHT, fits in that mold. Thank you for your consideration of this query. My full manuscript is available at your request.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Ms. Agent,
Jonathan James, the computer genius responsible for hacks into the Department of Defense and NASA. David Berkowitz – the infamous Son of Sam Killer. Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold, the boys responsible for the Columbine tragedy. And last but not least, the Rajneeshee religious cult, responsible for the largest bioterrorism attack in US history. All amateurs! At least that what one individual believes, and now they plan to prove it.
The story takes place over the course of nine days, climaxing on the eve of 2011 when a twisted mind intends on culminating a carefully devised crime spree by eclipsing the events of 26 years ago. At the center of the action is a female private detective who is forced to rely on the help of an aging group of amateur sleuths, all of whom stumble across the plot while investigating the assault of a friend and co-worker. Quickly in over their heads but determined nonetheless, the boundaries of the groups friendship become tested as they suddenly shift from committed pursuers…to unsuspecting quarry.
What would it be like if the Bowery Boys grew to adulthood and squared off against Professor Moriarty? That is the essence of my story.
I am writing to you because you represented DEAD AIR by ED GOLDBERG and I believe my 105,000 word mystery/suspense novel, FALLEN KNIGHT, fits in that mold. Thank you for your consideration of this query. My full manuscript is available at your request.
Sincerely,
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (fourth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear special Agent
The attraction sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, feels for Caleb Ridgeway is driving her to the brink of stalker-staus because his hands linger even while he is trying to push her away.
Jess abuses her position of the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway brother’s files. In their previous school data, and the bizarre meanings of their full names she finds two possible reasons why they might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private-school snob and werewolf, the second option seems more desirable.
Jess and Caleb's relationship plunges her into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human "werewolves" and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
It is Jess who runs to call back the pack protectors and prevents the massacre of many Were including Caleb, and their pack Apha, when they are attacked by once-human, werewolves.
In the aftermath of the attack, when only one of the feral Were escaped justice, Caleb is so traumatised the pack fear he may never recover. Despite the danger he may doom her, Jess risks her humanity to help Caleb remember the time before pain. She coaxes him back from the brink of madness, with her love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach many disaffected children so I developed my counselling skills. There are many would-be writers but few who understand young people as well, or who would be comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions to as many as sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled NEAR EDGWARE is a YA paranormal romance set in a normal secondary school and the woodland, called the Weald, which surrounds the town of Woodford, near Edgware. It is complete in 72,200 words.
Many thanks for your time
Elaine A M Smith
As with my initials I would have to describe my writing as more Kelley Armstrong and less Stephenie Meyer.
I can’t think how – or where – to put the comparative part – it is corny and trite and ... but where does it go?
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear special Agent
The attraction sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, feels for Caleb Ridgeway is driving her to the brink of stalker-staus because his hands linger even while he is trying to push her away.
Jess abuses her position of the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway brother’s files. In their previous school data, and the bizarre meanings of their full names she finds two possible reasons why they might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private-school snob and werewolf, the second option seems more desirable.
Jess and Caleb's relationship plunges her into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human "werewolves" and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
It is Jess who runs to call back the pack protectors and prevents the massacre of many Were including Caleb, and their pack Apha, when they are attacked by once-human, werewolves.
In the aftermath of the attack, when only one of the feral Were escaped justice, Caleb is so traumatised the pack fear he may never recover. Despite the danger he may doom her, Jess risks her humanity to help Caleb remember the time before pain. She coaxes him back from the brink of madness, with her love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach many disaffected children so I developed my counselling skills. There are many would-be writers but few who understand young people as well, or who would be comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions to as many as sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled NEAR EDGWARE is a YA paranormal romance set in a normal secondary school and the woodland, called the Weald, which surrounds the town of Woodford, near Edgware. It is complete in 72,200 words.
Many thanks for your time
Elaine A M Smith
As with my initials I would have to describe my writing as more Kelley Armstrong and less Stephenie Meyer.
I can’t think how – or where – to put the comparative part – it is corny and trite and ... but where does it go?
Query- Near Edgware (Revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, does not understand why Caleb Ridgeway hands linger even while he tries to push her away, the attraction she feels for him is chemical and gut-clenching and it drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Jess shocks everyone when she explains the differences she sees between the Ridgeways, they test her visual acuity. But when the brothers know the details of lessons they did not attend, Jess realises they have abilities beyond any normal range. She finds Caleb does not share their most intimate moments with his brothers. After Alex Ridgeway causes Jess’ accident during school’s Orientation Day, Caleb begins to explain why their relationship cannot develop, until the arrival of the Headteacher silences him.
Jess abuses her position on the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway’s files in school. In their previous school data and the bizarre meanings of their names, she finds two possible reasons why Caleb and his brothers might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private school snob and werewolf, as the explanation for Caleb’s anti-social behaviour, the second option seems more desirable.
As far as a study of a little-known subculture goes hers is enjoyable, if unscientific. When her persistence fades to long-distance adoration Caleb decides to trust her, not with his secret, but with his heart. Their relationship plunges Jess into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human werewolves and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
Caleb explains he is bound to guard and protect everything living alongside the largest Were pack in the United Kingdom in the Weald, near Edgware.
When one of Caleb’s pack allows the feral Were inside their home, it is Jess who, sensing something is wrong, gets inside and finds the dying, the injured and Caleb who has been tortured. With most of the pack patrolling the woods Jess runs to call them back, pursued by hellish humans. She uses her wits to kill one and finds the motivation to turn her balletic karate moves into a lethal force. She holds a vigil, unseen in the dark, while a larger pack than she’d ever met meets to bury the dead.
With only one of the feral Were unaccounted for, everyone has to deal with the aftermath of the attack. Caleb is so traumatised, violent and withdrawn the pack fear he may never recover. Despite their attempts to stop her, Jess locks herself in the room with Caleb to coax him from the brink of madness. She helps him remember the time before the pain, guides him back to reality and to their love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach where supply teachers fear to tread, so added a counselling qualification to my college degree. I build relationships and enable children to overcome barriers to learning. There are many would-be writers but fewer who understand young people as well, or would be as comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions with up to sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled Near Edgware is a YA paranormal romance complete in 72,200-words.
I thank you for your time.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, does not understand why Caleb Ridgeway hands linger even while he tries to push her away, the attraction she feels for him is chemical and gut-clenching and it drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Jess shocks everyone when she explains the differences she sees between the Ridgeways, they test her visual acuity. But when the brothers know the details of lessons they did not attend, Jess realises they have abilities beyond any normal range. She finds Caleb does not share their most intimate moments with his brothers. After Alex Ridgeway causes Jess’ accident during school’s Orientation Day, Caleb begins to explain why their relationship cannot develop, until the arrival of the Headteacher silences him.
Jess abuses her position on the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway’s files in school. In their previous school data and the bizarre meanings of their names, she finds two possible reasons why Caleb and his brothers might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private school snob and werewolf, as the explanation for Caleb’s anti-social behaviour, the second option seems more desirable.
As far as a study of a little-known subculture goes hers is enjoyable, if unscientific. When her persistence fades to long-distance adoration Caleb decides to trust her, not with his secret, but with his heart. Their relationship plunges Jess into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human werewolves and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
Caleb explains he is bound to guard and protect everything living alongside the largest Were pack in the United Kingdom in the Weald, near Edgware.
When one of Caleb’s pack allows the feral Were inside their home, it is Jess who, sensing something is wrong, gets inside and finds the dying, the injured and Caleb who has been tortured. With most of the pack patrolling the woods Jess runs to call them back, pursued by hellish humans. She uses her wits to kill one and finds the motivation to turn her balletic karate moves into a lethal force. She holds a vigil, unseen in the dark, while a larger pack than she’d ever met meets to bury the dead.
With only one of the feral Were unaccounted for, everyone has to deal with the aftermath of the attack. Caleb is so traumatised, violent and withdrawn the pack fear he may never recover. Despite their attempts to stop her, Jess locks herself in the room with Caleb to coax him from the brink of madness. She helps him remember the time before the pain, guides him back to reality and to their love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach where supply teachers fear to tread, so added a counselling qualification to my college degree. I build relationships and enable children to overcome barriers to learning. There are many would-be writers but fewer who understand young people as well, or would be as comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions with up to sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled Near Edgware is a YA paranormal romance complete in 72,200-words.
I thank you for your time.
Jan 23, 2010
QUERY- EYES OF MY KILLER
Dear Ms. Dream Agent,
Please accept my submission of EYES OF MY KILLER, a thriller complete at 80,000 words.
Misty reads eyes. She needs only to glance deep within your eyes to see your soul, your world, and all your secrets. But her gift has gotten her into trouble before as it doesn’t always give a clear picture. Not everything she “sees” makes sense. Random thoughts, images, and emotions come through haphazardly. When she comes eye to eye with a serial killer Misty goes to the police for help. In shock, she can describe the brutality and horror she saw in his eyes, but not the man himself. She knows the police think she’s a kook, but she has to make them listen.
Max Jennings is a by the book cop and he’s on the trail of the nastiest serial killer in Angel Fall’s history. When Misty McAllister walks into his squad room and declares she knows who the Angel Fall’s Strangler is because she met him at the mall, Max labels her a whacko. When the strangler leaves a message on Misty’s doorstep in the form of a dead body he labels her a suspect, but Misty insists it’s a warning. Now she’s in a race for her life and only man who can help her, is the one who doesn’t believe her.
Best Regards,
Aimlesswriter
Please accept my submission of EYES OF MY KILLER, a thriller complete at 80,000 words.
Misty reads eyes. She needs only to glance deep within your eyes to see your soul, your world, and all your secrets. But her gift has gotten her into trouble before as it doesn’t always give a clear picture. Not everything she “sees” makes sense. Random thoughts, images, and emotions come through haphazardly. When she comes eye to eye with a serial killer Misty goes to the police for help. In shock, she can describe the brutality and horror she saw in his eyes, but not the man himself. She knows the police think she’s a kook, but she has to make them listen.
Max Jennings is a by the book cop and he’s on the trail of the nastiest serial killer in Angel Fall’s history. When Misty McAllister walks into his squad room and declares she knows who the Angel Fall’s Strangler is because she met him at the mall, Max labels her a whacko. When the strangler leaves a message on Misty’s doorstep in the form of a dead body he labels her a suspect, but Misty insists it’s a warning. Now she’s in a race for her life and only man who can help her, is the one who doesn’t believe her.
Best Regards,
Aimlesswriter
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)