Dear Fantastic Agent,
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna Reece is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny Reece teams up with his long-standing enemy, agent Rick Delaruse, to uncover the truth behind the government program his daughter participated in as a child. When the inner workings of Liquid Smoke are finally revealed, Danny has a decision to make: let his daughter die by the hands of a stranger...or kill her himself.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. Thank you for your consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
May 11, 2011
QUERY: STEALING A DREAM
Dear agent,
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.
The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.
But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.
Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.
With Faziel, nothing is simple.
Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.
The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.
But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.
Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.
With Faziel, nothing is simple.
Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Apr 27, 2011
Query- Absorption
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.
Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.
Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.
Apr 26, 2011
Query: THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.
Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.
His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.
Click here to read the first revision.
The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.
Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.
His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.
Query: Abbey (1st revision) --note new title
Click here to read the original query.
On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.
By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.
The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.
The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.
The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.
Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.
Thank you for your time,
Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey
On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.
By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.
The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.
The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.
The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.
Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.
Thank you for your time,
Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey
Apr 24, 2011
Query:Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen
Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen is a 56,000 word young adult novel. Written with equal amounts of suspense and humor, the book tells the story of an unusual 15-year old. Strange things have always happened around Abbey—on her first birthday Abbey’s recently deceased grandmother is photographed looming over her in the background—but strand her at a haunted summer camp having to battle both the counselors and the undead and anything can happen.
Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.
River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.
Sincerely,
Allan Evans
Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.
River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.
Sincerely,
Allan Evans
Apr 18, 2011
QUERY- THE ODD I SEE, Third Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
(Grabbed a fistful of form rejections on the last version. Let's try this again!)
Dear Dream Agent,
After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and a rather rude entrance into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fiona wants to know why she ought to bother existing.
THE ODD I SEE is a coming of age story for the sort of person who staunchly refuses to come of age. One part heartfelt love letter, one part memory-laced suicide note, and one part metafictional choose-your-own-adventure-style romp, THE ODD I SEE is a 71,000-word work of quirky literary fiction with a speculative twist.
Twenty-two year old Fiona (or “Fifi” to everyone but her mother) works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her questionably sane worldview with recession-era middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, she uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.
Written for and by someone who graduated with a liberal arts degree in the late 2000’s, THE ODD I SEE will appeal to any reader who has ever questioned the status quo.
(Brief paragraph of personalization.) Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best,
Bre Kidman
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
(Grabbed a fistful of form rejections on the last version. Let's try this again!)
Dear Dream Agent,
After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and a rather rude entrance into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fiona wants to know why she ought to bother existing.
THE ODD I SEE is a coming of age story for the sort of person who staunchly refuses to come of age. One part heartfelt love letter, one part memory-laced suicide note, and one part metafictional choose-your-own-adventure-style romp, THE ODD I SEE is a 71,000-word work of quirky literary fiction with a speculative twist.
Twenty-two year old Fiona (or “Fifi” to everyone but her mother) works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her questionably sane worldview with recession-era middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, she uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.
Written for and by someone who graduated with a liberal arts degree in the late 2000’s, THE ODD I SEE will appeal to any reader who has ever questioned the status quo.
(Brief paragraph of personalization.) Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best,
Bre Kidman
Query - The Desmona Child
Dear Agent,
I am looking for an agent that likes fantasy/mythology with a twist. My debut novel, THE DESMONA CHILD, is a 106,000 word work of YA fantasy that leads up to the fall of Atlantis.
The ladies room is hardly where Marine Desmona expected a proposal. She had danced, giggled and enjoyed the night right up until a mysterious Duke cornered her and vowed everlasting love. In the tumultuous weeks following that event Marine is conflicted, but never more so than when she learns that she is the key to bringing magic back to the kingdom of Adara - and that having witch-blood makes her appealing to the Duke because he wants to create a progeny of untold magical power. Such a child could have god-like dominion over life and death.
A long journey to escape the Duke leads Marine to the literal doorstep of a fabled haven, the legendary Atlantis, where she hopes to disappear…
I am querying widely, but will grant exclusivity if you are interested in seeing more of my work.
Thank you for your time
I am looking for an agent that likes fantasy/mythology with a twist. My debut novel, THE DESMONA CHILD, is a 106,000 word work of YA fantasy that leads up to the fall of Atlantis.
The ladies room is hardly where Marine Desmona expected a proposal. She had danced, giggled and enjoyed the night right up until a mysterious Duke cornered her and vowed everlasting love. In the tumultuous weeks following that event Marine is conflicted, but never more so than when she learns that she is the key to bringing magic back to the kingdom of Adara - and that having witch-blood makes her appealing to the Duke because he wants to create a progeny of untold magical power. Such a child could have god-like dominion over life and death.
A long journey to escape the Duke leads Marine to the literal doorstep of a fabled haven, the legendary Atlantis, where she hopes to disappear…
I am querying widely, but will grant exclusivity if you are interested in seeing more of my work.
Thank you for your time
Mar 30, 2011
Query- Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover
Dear Agent,
Lucy has the kind of luck any child, or adult for that matter, would dream of- everything she wishes just happens to happen before it is said. But after an embarrassing classroom accident and a costly doll wish, it becomes very clear that her luck isn’t lucky for everyone near. When one of her wishes costs her best friend and dog the last piece of his favorite cake, he makes it his mission to put a stop to her wishing. Despite his hard work, Lucy is convinced that the only way to have fun is through self-wishes and it is not until she has a life changing experience that she begins to see the true value of her luck: her ability to wish a world of great things for the people she loves.
Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover is a 1600 word rhyming picture book that tells Lucy’s story from the perspective of her dog and best friend. Beginning with her fortuitous birth in the back of a taxicab and ending with her self-realization at a child’s birthday party, the story is a fast-passed tale of friendship and transformation that is written for both children and parents.
As indicated in your submission instructions I have included the full manuscript.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration,
Lucy has the kind of luck any child, or adult for that matter, would dream of- everything she wishes just happens to happen before it is said. But after an embarrassing classroom accident and a costly doll wish, it becomes very clear that her luck isn’t lucky for everyone near. When one of her wishes costs her best friend and dog the last piece of his favorite cake, he makes it his mission to put a stop to her wishing. Despite his hard work, Lucy is convinced that the only way to have fun is through self-wishes and it is not until she has a life changing experience that she begins to see the true value of her luck: her ability to wish a world of great things for the people she loves.
Lucky Lucy, Better than a Four Leaf Clover is a 1600 word rhyming picture book that tells Lucy’s story from the perspective of her dog and best friend. Beginning with her fortuitous birth in the back of a taxicab and ending with her self-realization at a child’s birthday party, the story is a fast-passed tale of friendship and transformation that is written for both children and parents.
As indicated in your submission instructions I have included the full manuscript.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration,
Mar 23, 2011
Query- The Silver Strand (3rd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
I submit my middle grade, fantasy adventure, The Silver Strand, complete at 55,000 words for your consideration. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds and high-tech flying devices as featured in Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.
When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, she never bargained on it draining her magical power and life.
With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information. Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad forcing her to rely on prickling warts to dodge death. Then she is challenged by a grumpy dragon who threatens to roast her on a spit.
Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned in Agartha. To escape, she must muster what remains of her magic and battle corrupt Agarthan leaders who break every rule to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
I submit my middle grade, fantasy adventure, The Silver Strand, complete at 55,000 words for your consideration. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds and high-tech flying devices as featured in Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.
When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, she never bargained on it draining her magical power and life.
With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information. Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad forcing her to rely on prickling warts to dodge death. Then she is challenged by a grumpy dragon who threatens to roast her on a spit.
Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned in Agartha. To escape, she must muster what remains of her magic and battle corrupt Agarthan leaders who break every rule to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query Joseph and the Magical Pathways
Its Joseph Wendt’s first day as a teenager and life just got infinitely more complicated. Joseph would like to think he is still that guy who doesn’t believe in magic, dragons, or wizards. He was that guy before a shadow figure attacked him, before a wizard saved him, and before he discovered a one thousand year old prophesy which points to him as the one destined to save a magical world Joseph has never even heard of.
If you ask Joseph, however, the prophesy has named the wrong man. Forget the fact that being brave is not one of Joseph’s characteristics, or that words have a funny way of fighting him; Joseph isn’t magical, never has been, not a day in his life. He is certainly not the type of boy you would expect to be chosen to save the world or save, well, anything. But all of that is about to change.
Joseph is thrust into a world where things are never what they seem. Wizards are the norm and fairies are evil. Luckily, Juliana, a wizard-in-training with a fierce competitive streak, is up for the challenge of getting one befuddled teenage boy ready for the fight of his life.
With a few lessons, and one very interesting game night where things only went mildly wrong (Joseph really hadn’t meant to levitate Juliana’s family, that was definitely his wand’s fault), Joseph almost believes, that maybe, just maybe...nah.
But doubt shuffling around Joseph’s rambling mind is the least of his worries. With magic, the line between the truth and a lie are quickly blurred and betrayal is an easily accomplished task. Joseph must face the facts. His new friends may not be what they seem. And time is running out.
Joseph and the Magical Pathways is a complete young adult fantasy novel at 65,000 words. Thank you for your time.
If you ask Joseph, however, the prophesy has named the wrong man. Forget the fact that being brave is not one of Joseph’s characteristics, or that words have a funny way of fighting him; Joseph isn’t magical, never has been, not a day in his life. He is certainly not the type of boy you would expect to be chosen to save the world or save, well, anything. But all of that is about to change.
Joseph is thrust into a world where things are never what they seem. Wizards are the norm and fairies are evil. Luckily, Juliana, a wizard-in-training with a fierce competitive streak, is up for the challenge of getting one befuddled teenage boy ready for the fight of his life.
With a few lessons, and one very interesting game night where things only went mildly wrong (Joseph really hadn’t meant to levitate Juliana’s family, that was definitely his wand’s fault), Joseph almost believes, that maybe, just maybe...nah.
But doubt shuffling around Joseph’s rambling mind is the least of his worries. With magic, the line between the truth and a lie are quickly blurred and betrayal is an easily accomplished task. Joseph must face the facts. His new friends may not be what they seem. And time is running out.
Joseph and the Magical Pathways is a complete young adult fantasy novel at 65,000 words. Thank you for your time.
Mar 21, 2011
Query- WALKING OFF PLUTO (Version 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Lynn’s father is dying, but she’s more concerned about Pluto losing its status in the solar system. She’d rather be alone and mourn for the dwarf planet than grieve for a man she secretly hates in WALKING OFF PLUTO, a contemporary young adult novel at 78,000 words.
Seventeen-year-old Lynn risks losing control of her emotions when she meets Peter in the hospital, the same night her father passes away. She’s attracted to Peter because he speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Despite multiple medical conditions, including a fear of food, he is Lynn’s ultimate distraction, while Lynn’s older sister, Chloe, is the ultimate agitation.
Chloe seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell in order to understand Lynn’s resentment. Chloe’s attempts are a failure as Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even cringing when she bashes a mirror with her bare hands. The only time Lynn feels remotely alive is when she is with Peter who has a few secrets of his own. When Peter opens up about the tragedies of his past, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father’s death and the resentment she holds against him, she’ll never be able to love anyone.
WALKING OFF PLUTO began as a short play. (INSERT INFO ABOUT PERFORMANCES AND FESTIVALS AND HOW PLAY GREW INTO A NOVEL)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The Blank Girl
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Lynn’s father is dying, but she’s more concerned about Pluto losing its status in the solar system. She’d rather be alone and mourn for the dwarf planet than grieve for a man she secretly hates in WALKING OFF PLUTO, a contemporary young adult novel at 78,000 words.
Seventeen-year-old Lynn risks losing control of her emotions when she meets Peter in the hospital, the same night her father passes away. She’s attracted to Peter because he speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Despite multiple medical conditions, including a fear of food, he is Lynn’s ultimate distraction, while Lynn’s older sister, Chloe, is the ultimate agitation.
Chloe seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell in order to understand Lynn’s resentment. Chloe’s attempts are a failure as Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even cringing when she bashes a mirror with her bare hands. The only time Lynn feels remotely alive is when she is with Peter who has a few secrets of his own. When Peter opens up about the tragedies of his past, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father’s death and the resentment she holds against him, she’ll never be able to love anyone.
WALKING OFF PLUTO began as a short play. (INSERT INFO ABOUT PERFORMANCES AND FESTIVALS AND HOW PLAY GREW INTO A NOVEL)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The Blank Girl
Mar 18, 2011
Query- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 5th revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.
But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.
Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-word thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.
Thank you for reviewing this query. Please let me know if I can send you a synopsis or any part of the manuscript.
Mar 17, 2011
Query: The Narrow Way-1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
"I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dharma. I take refuge in the Sangha," I say, repeating the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as they wash over me from the crackling loudspeakers.
And with that, I am a Buddhist. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
Only three years before, I was crouched on the floor, picking through a dirty carpet for bits of crack cocaine that might have sizzled of the end of my pipe. That was the climax of my life twenty years in the making, hiding in the closet, pretending to be straight, seeking to drown myself in a violent ocean of drinking, drugs and attempted suicides.
But now, out, sober and free, I am in India following the footsteps of the Buddha and for the first time in my life, I am certain that I have come the right way.
The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.
Sincerely,
Chris Lemig
Dear Agent,
"I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dharma. I take refuge in the Sangha," I say, repeating the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as they wash over me from the crackling loudspeakers.
And with that, I am a Buddhist. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
Only three years before, I was crouched on the floor, picking through a dirty carpet for bits of crack cocaine that might have sizzled of the end of my pipe. That was the climax of my life twenty years in the making, hiding in the closet, pretending to be straight, seeking to drown myself in a violent ocean of drinking, drugs and attempted suicides.
But now, out, sober and free, I am in India following the footsteps of the Buddha and for the first time in my life, I am certain that I have come the right way.
The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.
Sincerely,
Chris Lemig
Mar 13, 2011
QUERY-REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 4th REVISION
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck driver rammed into his car. He had no idea how deadly the truck's cargo was, or that the men guarding it had been given very explicit instructions- exterminate any witnesses.
But when the men from the truck hunt him down and brutally attack, Ryan retaliates with the help of attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out, she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not the Chechen gang posing as a trucking company that they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry his illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.
Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize that his seemingly random accident has thrust them into the middle of a sinister scheme set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to the Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out, he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Alex Berenson, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.
I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.
Thank you for reviewing this query.
Query: The Silver Strand (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
The Silver Strand is a middle grade, fantasy adventure complete at 55,000 words. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud at Morris Gleitzman's Toad Rage, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds, high-tech flying devices and action adventures like Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.
When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, it tarnishes and withers away, along with her imagination. Turns out the lock is her source of inner magic and in five days time it will die, and so will she. To save her strand, she must undertake three tests with the help of two Masterminds. In exchange, she agrees to deliver a crystal bracelet encoded with information.
Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad until she masters tapping into her animal instincts. Sure, toad warts aren't pretty. But when they prickle, she best get her poison glands ready, unless she wants to be gobbled by a snake or squished by her father's spade. Second, she stands up to a dragon that threatens to roast her on a spit if she fails to draw his portrait.
After defying death, Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and one of her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned. All along, Isabelle is used a pawn in the Masterminds' game to expose corruption within the ranks of Agartha's rulers. To escape, she must muster what remains of her inner magic and battle powerful enemies who break all the rules to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
The Silver Strand is a middle grade, fantasy adventure complete at 55,000 words. The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha. It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud at Morris Gleitzman's Toad Rage, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds, high-tech flying devices and action adventures like Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.
When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, it tarnishes and withers away, along with her imagination. Turns out the lock is her source of inner magic and in five days time it will die, and so will she. To save her strand, she must undertake three tests with the help of two Masterminds. In exchange, she agrees to deliver a crystal bracelet encoded with information.
Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare. First they transform her into a toad until she masters tapping into her animal instincts. Sure, toad warts aren't pretty. But when they prickle, she best get her poison glands ready, unless she wants to be gobbled by a snake or squished by her father's spade. Second, she stands up to a dragon that threatens to roast her on a spit if she fails to draw his portrait.
After defying death, Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and one of her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned. All along, Isabelle is used a pawn in the Masterminds' game to expose corruption within the ranks of Agartha's rulers. To escape, she must muster what remains of her inner magic and battle powerful enemies who break all the rules to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets. If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Louisa Clarkson
Mar 11, 2011
Query: The Narrow Way
Dear (Agent's Name),
In 2007, after twenty years of addiction, depression and attempted suicides, I finally found the courage to come out to family and friends as being gay. This profound inner shift was the spark for a spiritual revolution that would open my eyes to the teachings of Buddhism and lead me all the way to a life changing pilgrimage in India and Nepal.
Part psychological mystery, part spiritual adventure story, The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha traces my life from the confines of the closet and hopeless addiction, all the way through an extraordinary transformation into a man who has finally learned to love himself.
I hope that the book I have written about this journey will not only be a guide for the people and families who are working through the coming out process but also a source of comfort and support for the millions who suffer the pain of addiction and an inspiration to all who read it to live according to their highest truth.
Since coming out three and a half years ago, I have traveled for two months in India and Nepal, completed a college course on creative non-fiction, written a full-length memoir and continued to stay clean and sober. I also teach weekly meditation classes in Colorado Springs under the guidance of Tibetan Buddhist nun, Venerable Tenzin Kacho.
I believe that The Narrow Way fits your agency’s criteria as a work that “sees the world through an uncommon lens” and that your passion and commitment to stories that inspire and promote positive change in the world make you a perfect choice for representation. As a result, I am sending this query exclusively to you.
The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.
Sincerely,
Chris Lemig
In 2007, after twenty years of addiction, depression and attempted suicides, I finally found the courage to come out to family and friends as being gay. This profound inner shift was the spark for a spiritual revolution that would open my eyes to the teachings of Buddhism and lead me all the way to a life changing pilgrimage in India and Nepal.
Part psychological mystery, part spiritual adventure story, The Narrow Way: A Memoir of Coming Out, Getting Clean and Finding Buddha traces my life from the confines of the closet and hopeless addiction, all the way through an extraordinary transformation into a man who has finally learned to love himself.
I hope that the book I have written about this journey will not only be a guide for the people and families who are working through the coming out process but also a source of comfort and support for the millions who suffer the pain of addiction and an inspiration to all who read it to live according to their highest truth.
Since coming out three and a half years ago, I have traveled for two months in India and Nepal, completed a college course on creative non-fiction, written a full-length memoir and continued to stay clean and sober. I also teach weekly meditation classes in Colorado Springs under the guidance of Tibetan Buddhist nun, Venerable Tenzin Kacho.
I believe that The Narrow Way fits your agency’s criteria as a work that “sees the world through an uncommon lens” and that your passion and commitment to stories that inspire and promote positive change in the world make you a perfect choice for representation. As a result, I am sending this query exclusively to you.
The completed manuscript of The Narrow Way is approximately 62,000 words. A comprehensive book proposal, including a detailed market analysis and promotion strategy, is also available upon request.
Sincerely,
Chris Lemig
Query, The Nymph's Heart
Dear Agent X
Louisa Ramirez is immortal, forever nineteen and living in Jazz Age Miami. Some would consider it paradise, but for Louisa, it is more like paradise lost. Centuries have passed since her galleon washed up on these shores. She has seen too many loved ones grow old and die, and is tired of being a custodian to their memories. When Louisa falls in love with Anastasia, she is determined to free herself from her immortality, and live a single lifetime with the woman she loves.
Louisa would gladly sacrifice her immortality, but her life is not hers to give. She is bound to the nymph who once guarded the Fountain of Youth, and only she can release Louisa. In order to live a mortal life, Louisa must find the nymph, and return her to the Fountains’ waters. Standing in her way is Miami’s other immortal citizen, Juan Ponce De Leon. He has claimed the Fountain, and he will not relinquish his prize without a fight.
Complete at 97,000 words, THE NYMPH’S HEART is a Historical-Fantasy.
Louisa Ramirez is immortal, forever nineteen and living in Jazz Age Miami. Some would consider it paradise, but for Louisa, it is more like paradise lost. Centuries have passed since her galleon washed up on these shores. She has seen too many loved ones grow old and die, and is tired of being a custodian to their memories. When Louisa falls in love with Anastasia, she is determined to free herself from her immortality, and live a single lifetime with the woman she loves.
Louisa would gladly sacrifice her immortality, but her life is not hers to give. She is bound to the nymph who once guarded the Fountain of Youth, and only she can release Louisa. In order to live a mortal life, Louisa must find the nymph, and return her to the Fountains’ waters. Standing in her way is Miami’s other immortal citizen, Juan Ponce De Leon. He has claimed the Fountain, and he will not relinquish his prize without a fight.
Complete at 97,000 words, THE NYMPH’S HEART is a Historical-Fantasy.
Mar 8, 2011
Query- Helen Incriminates Herself
Title: Helen Incriminates Herself
Genre: cozy mystery
Most amateur sleuths get started by trying to clear themselves, or a loved one, of murder charges. Not Helen Binney. When her visiting nurse is murdered, Helen tries to prove she could have done it.
Helen is fed up with people thinking that her lupus, which recently forced her into retirement, makes her too frail and helpless to do anything. The police take one look at Helen, leaning on her cane, and write her off as a suspect, despite damning circumstances. The victim is a woman Helen had argued with on a daily basis. There were plenty of witnesses to Helen's saying she wanted to get rid of the nurse. And if that's not enough to make Helen a prime suspect, the victim was killed outside Helen's cottage, and Helen is the one who found the body.
In the course of trying to prove her own potential guilt, Helen finds evidence to suggest a friend was the killer. She can't believe he's guilty, but by then, it's obvious that she herself is the only other viable suspect.
Now Helen feels as helpless as everyone assumes she is. When the real killer threatens her, Helen has to prove just how strong she really is.
HELEN INCRIMINATES HERSELF is an eighty-thousand-word cozy mystery.
Genre: cozy mystery
Most amateur sleuths get started by trying to clear themselves, or a loved one, of murder charges. Not Helen Binney. When her visiting nurse is murdered, Helen tries to prove she could have done it.
Helen is fed up with people thinking that her lupus, which recently forced her into retirement, makes her too frail and helpless to do anything. The police take one look at Helen, leaning on her cane, and write her off as a suspect, despite damning circumstances. The victim is a woman Helen had argued with on a daily basis. There were plenty of witnesses to Helen's saying she wanted to get rid of the nurse. And if that's not enough to make Helen a prime suspect, the victim was killed outside Helen's cottage, and Helen is the one who found the body.
In the course of trying to prove her own potential guilt, Helen finds evidence to suggest a friend was the killer. She can't believe he's guilty, but by then, it's obvious that she herself is the only other viable suspect.
Now Helen feels as helpless as everyone assumes she is. When the real killer threatens her, Helen has to prove just how strong she really is.
HELEN INCRIMINATES HERSELF is an eighty-thousand-word cozy mystery.
QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 3rd Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.Click here to read the second revision.
(same thing here- the word 'really' is meant to be in italics
Thanks for the help and feedback to this point- I really appreciate it.)
Ex-Army security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck rammed into his car. He had no idea how dangerous its cargo was- or who was behind it.
But when the men in the truck brutally attack him, Ryan retaliates with the help of beautiful attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad man who paid them to ferry their illicit shipment to Seattle from half a world away.
Working together, Ryan and Jessica quickly realize it wasn't just a random accident, but part of a sinister scheme set in motion by the fall of the Soviet Union, decades ago. They uncover a bloody trail that leads from Washington to the Sudan to Moscow, when Jessica suddenly disappears. Turns out he's the brave one. The one who knows that unless he can find her, and stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.
I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.
Thank you for reviewing this query.
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