Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 2)Thanks to all the commenters for improving this! sorry I put this in wrong spot before...on to helping someone else.
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He finds it in the mountain forest above his home when he befriends talking animals created from the DNA of super powered creatures that roamed the earth long ago. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends he rescues, a bully and an old man, and they vow to protect the secret of their forest friends.
When a power-hungry fox secretly recreates thousands of his own animals to conquer and rule the forest Joshua must find a way to save his friends, and himself. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and craft an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000-word middle grade adventure that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Mar 16, 2010
Query- Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Revision to Joshua and the Fantastic Forest - thank you!
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can magically change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He soon finds it in the mountain forest above his home, but not with kids or even humans, when he befriends talking animals. They share the story of their accidental transformation into animals of amazing strength and reason that roamed the earth millions of years ago, whose existence was blasted away by a meteorite siege that left no trace behind...well, almost none.
When a bumbling, old Mr. Bimble’s walking stick (carved from wood he dug up as a boy that held the DNA of these ancient animals giving him their powers) is struck by lightning in the forest and explodes into shimmering dust, it changes every creature it touches into the animals of long ago.
Bound with their new powers, these animals also carry the memories of their ancestors and know not all were decent and wise. They know some carried dark urges to plunder and conquer their own. Could there be others like that now? All of this is forgotten in the idyllic days that follow as Joshua spends them soaring over the forest on a magnificent bald eagle, playing tag in the meadow with deer, racing through the woods hanging onto the scruff of a mighty bear and sharing fireside tales with his best friend, a beaver.
Joshua soon realizes he can’t keep the secret of the animals to himself when he encounters Mr. Bimble looking for his lost walking stick and Matt, a school bully heading up the mountain to shoot off fireworks in the woods. He must decide to rescue them from a forest sinkhole, with the help of his generous new friends, and risk sharing their secret. The unlikely trio becomes friends and vows to protect the secret of the animals no matter what the consequence.
Joshua discovers Mr. Bimble is dying from cancer and encourages his friends to create a special magic DNA brew in the hopes to cure him. They have no idea one of their own is creating his own DNA concoction, only not to cure – to create and conquer.
When a power-hungry fox carrying the dark seed of his ancestors secretly recreates thousands of his own fantastic animals into an army of soldiers to rule the forest, and possibly the world, Joshua must find a way to save his forest friends. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil animal hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Revision to Joshua and the Fantastic Forest - thank you!
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can magically change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He soon finds it in the mountain forest above his home, but not with kids or even humans, when he befriends talking animals. They share the story of their accidental transformation into animals of amazing strength and reason that roamed the earth millions of years ago, whose existence was blasted away by a meteorite siege that left no trace behind...well, almost none.
When a bumbling, old Mr. Bimble’s walking stick (carved from wood he dug up as a boy that held the DNA of these ancient animals giving him their powers) is struck by lightning in the forest and explodes into shimmering dust, it changes every creature it touches into the animals of long ago.
Bound with their new powers, these animals also carry the memories of their ancestors and know not all were decent and wise. They know some carried dark urges to plunder and conquer their own. Could there be others like that now? All of this is forgotten in the idyllic days that follow as Joshua spends them soaring over the forest on a magnificent bald eagle, playing tag in the meadow with deer, racing through the woods hanging onto the scruff of a mighty bear and sharing fireside tales with his best friend, a beaver.
Joshua soon realizes he can’t keep the secret of the animals to himself when he encounters Mr. Bimble looking for his lost walking stick and Matt, a school bully heading up the mountain to shoot off fireworks in the woods. He must decide to rescue them from a forest sinkhole, with the help of his generous new friends, and risk sharing their secret. The unlikely trio becomes friends and vows to protect the secret of the animals no matter what the consequence.
Joshua discovers Mr. Bimble is dying from cancer and encourages his friends to create a special magic DNA brew in the hopes to cure him. They have no idea one of their own is creating his own DNA concoction, only not to cure – to create and conquer.
When a power-hungry fox carrying the dark seed of his ancestors secretly recreates thousands of his own fantastic animals into an army of soldiers to rule the forest, and possibly the world, Joshua must find a way to save his forest friends. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil animal hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Nameless - Query (Revision #2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision. It's labeled Revision #2, but it's really Version #2, Revision #1. Oops.
Okay I thought my query still needed some tweaking. I dropped the question at the end, please let me know if this reads better:
Dear Agent:
Eighteen-year-old Erica Ann Dawson falls asleep in her bed in Batesfield, Connecticut and awakens to find herself driving down a four-lane highway.
Plagued by inexplicable blackouts, she begins losing hours, even days, with no memory of what transpired in the intervening time. As the blackouts worsen, she starts to doubt her own sanity. But the truth is even crazier.
Erica is slowly being replaced from her own life by a creature known only as a Changeling. This doppelganger has bewitched Erica’s name and is using it to steal away her memories, her life - her very soul.
To save herself from being completely consumed, Erica is forced to make a terrible sacrifice; she gives up her name, and with it, relinquishes all rights to her own identity.
Now, nameless and forgotten by friends and family alike, the girl is plunged into a world of magic where a Sharpie and a book of matches could mean the difference between life and death. She must learn to harness the power of names and sigils to fight back against the Changelings and the dark force invading Batesfield. But if Erica stands a chance at reclaiming her former life, she will need to discover the truth behind what the changelings truly are. If she fails, she will remain nameless forever.
THE NAMELESS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 60,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Emily XXXX
Address
Phone
Email
Click here to read the first revision. It's labeled Revision #2, but it's really Version #2, Revision #1. Oops.
Okay I thought my query still needed some tweaking. I dropped the question at the end, please let me know if this reads better:
Dear Agent:
Eighteen-year-old Erica Ann Dawson falls asleep in her bed in Batesfield, Connecticut and awakens to find herself driving down a four-lane highway.
Plagued by inexplicable blackouts, she begins losing hours, even days, with no memory of what transpired in the intervening time. As the blackouts worsen, she starts to doubt her own sanity. But the truth is even crazier.
Erica is slowly being replaced from her own life by a creature known only as a Changeling. This doppelganger has bewitched Erica’s name and is using it to steal away her memories, her life - her very soul.
To save herself from being completely consumed, Erica is forced to make a terrible sacrifice; she gives up her name, and with it, relinquishes all rights to her own identity.
Now, nameless and forgotten by friends and family alike, the girl is plunged into a world of magic where a Sharpie and a book of matches could mean the difference between life and death. She must learn to harness the power of names and sigils to fight back against the Changelings and the dark force invading Batesfield. But if Erica stands a chance at reclaiming her former life, she will need to discover the truth behind what the changelings truly are. If she fails, she will remain nameless forever.
THE NAMELESS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 60,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Emily XXXX
Address
Phone
Mar 15, 2010
QUERY- FINDING TESSA
Dear Ms. (Agent Name),
I am seeking representation for my romance novel “Finding Tessa” (72,400-word, 230-page),
a steaming and passionate love story between a Romanian do-not-step-on-my toes feisty woman and an Italian don’t-take-no-for-an-answer attractive man.
When people fall in love, there are circumstances that either bring them together or drive them apart. So is the story of my main characters, Tessa and Alex. He is a handsome Italian, powerful and successful, and a loving husband. He is living the good life until one night his wife is killed in a car accident and his whole world falls apart. Nothing and nobody can help him snap out of it or fill the emptiness in his heart. His life passes by without him being able to feel anything until he meets Tessa. She is a young Romanian, beautiful, smart and a very independent, full of energy and ready for whatever life throws at her. Her accidental encounter with Alex impacts their life forever, without either one of them knowing. Following a one-night stand, the two of them part and each returns to their normal life. Years later, the two characters get another chance to meet, but their union is tested again.
After things seem to have taken a normal course, an attack by her ex boy friend leaves Tessa in a coma until one day she wakes up, but has no recollection of who she was, nor any of the people around her. From a normal and happy existence, Tessa’s life turned upside down. Her inability to remember anything from her past, her frustrations and struggle to find herself again takes a toll on her relationship with Alex. For a period of time, she opts to battle by herself the internal turmoil and demons that feasted at her soul and heart.
Eventually, time and love prevail and the two lovers find themselves once again in each other’s arms. They accept the fact that Tessa’s memory was lost forever … or so they thought. Familiar surroundings, a smell, an image and all that was lost came back to her in a moment. In a blink of an eye she remembers who she is, and how she got there. In a moment, she got back what she longed for, her previous life and memories, but also a lot more. There is still one more secret she needs to tell Alex before they can be free to live and love one another.
Writing about Romania and Romanian people only makes sense because of my background. I was born and raised in Romania but moved to the US about six years ago and have lived ever since in Arizona.
Thank you for considering this query concerning my romance novel, “Finding Tessa.” I would love to send you my manuscript and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
My name
My contact info
I am seeking representation for my romance novel “Finding Tessa” (72,400-word, 230-page),
a steaming and passionate love story between a Romanian do-not-step-on-my toes feisty woman and an Italian don’t-take-no-for-an-answer attractive man.
When people fall in love, there are circumstances that either bring them together or drive them apart. So is the story of my main characters, Tessa and Alex. He is a handsome Italian, powerful and successful, and a loving husband. He is living the good life until one night his wife is killed in a car accident and his whole world falls apart. Nothing and nobody can help him snap out of it or fill the emptiness in his heart. His life passes by without him being able to feel anything until he meets Tessa. She is a young Romanian, beautiful, smart and a very independent, full of energy and ready for whatever life throws at her. Her accidental encounter with Alex impacts their life forever, without either one of them knowing. Following a one-night stand, the two of them part and each returns to their normal life. Years later, the two characters get another chance to meet, but their union is tested again.
After things seem to have taken a normal course, an attack by her ex boy friend leaves Tessa in a coma until one day she wakes up, but has no recollection of who she was, nor any of the people around her. From a normal and happy existence, Tessa’s life turned upside down. Her inability to remember anything from her past, her frustrations and struggle to find herself again takes a toll on her relationship with Alex. For a period of time, she opts to battle by herself the internal turmoil and demons that feasted at her soul and heart.
Eventually, time and love prevail and the two lovers find themselves once again in each other’s arms. They accept the fact that Tessa’s memory was lost forever … or so they thought. Familiar surroundings, a smell, an image and all that was lost came back to her in a moment. In a blink of an eye she remembers who she is, and how she got there. In a moment, she got back what she longed for, her previous life and memories, but also a lot more. There is still one more secret she needs to tell Alex before they can be free to live and love one another.
Writing about Romania and Romanian people only makes sense because of my background. I was born and raised in Romania but moved to the US about six years ago and have lived ever since in Arizona.
Thank you for considering this query concerning my romance novel, “Finding Tessa.” I would love to send you my manuscript and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
My name
My contact info
Query- Joshua and the Fantastic Forest
Dear Mr. Brown,
Your interest in middle grade fantasy fiction - and willingness to work with new authors - is what drew me to contacting you about representing my recently completed work. My manuscript, Joshua and the Fantastic Forest, is a 51,680 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy.
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper enjoys nature treks but he’s about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – forever – or end it.
As the new kid in town on summer break he is desperate for adventure and he finds it in the nearby forest, but not with other kids – or even humans for that matter. He encounters fantastic, talking animals accidentally created from the DNA of their ancestors long before dinosaurs roamed the earth. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends – a bully and an old man – and they vow to protect the secret of the amazing animals always.
But, when an evil fox creates an army to rule the forest – and destroy the world – Joshua must find a way with his new friends to raise their own army and defend themselves in the battle of their lives. When Joshua victoriously leads the animals in bloody war against the evil animal hoard he is struck down near death – and it is up to his friends to figure out how to bring him back to life.
I am the author of a self-published memoir (xxxxxx) and a freelance writer. Please find enclosed a sample chapter. I would love the opportunity to share the entire manuscript of Joshua and the Fantastic Forest with you.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
Your interest in middle grade fantasy fiction - and willingness to work with new authors - is what drew me to contacting you about representing my recently completed work. My manuscript, Joshua and the Fantastic Forest, is a 51,680 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy.
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper enjoys nature treks but he’s about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – forever – or end it.
As the new kid in town on summer break he is desperate for adventure and he finds it in the nearby forest, but not with other kids – or even humans for that matter. He encounters fantastic, talking animals accidentally created from the DNA of their ancestors long before dinosaurs roamed the earth. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends – a bully and an old man – and they vow to protect the secret of the amazing animals always.
But, when an evil fox creates an army to rule the forest – and destroy the world – Joshua must find a way with his new friends to raise their own army and defend themselves in the battle of their lives. When Joshua victoriously leads the animals in bloody war against the evil animal hoard he is struck down near death – and it is up to his friends to figure out how to bring him back to life.
I am the author of a self-published memoir (xxxxxx) and a freelance writer. Please find enclosed a sample chapter. I would love the opportunity to share the entire manuscript of Joshua and the Fantastic Forest with you.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
Mar 10, 2010
Query-Standing Asleep
Dear Query Slushpile,
Homecoming Queen Mandy doesn’t like her home town, assigned homework topics or her lip gloss smeared. When her English teacher gives her the assignment to write a paper on the missing youth in Holden, Mandy laughs through her candy-apple red lips; until she finds herself in the middle of intrigue and mystery.
Mandy figures her English assignment will be easy until she starts interviewing locals for her paper; most of them believe in the stories of alien abductions. Mandy chases clues from the town drunk to the mayor to old mines. As she gets closer to the truth, she finds she and her family are more involved than she could guess.
For one, all the missing youth are boys. And second: they are the same age. Then her underwear-model boyfriend goes missing and Mandy decides there is more to her paper than she realizes. What she discovers next brings many of Holden’s prominent citizens together to rescue the boys before they disappear for good.
Will she solve the mystery in time? And will she get an ‘A’ on her English paper?
“Standing Asleep” is 40000 YA Sci/Fi.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
He looked around, careful not to move his head. He was here again, closer to his escape away from the monsters that brought him here. Why was he here? He looked slowly to his left and saw the newest victim. Younger than most the monsters had taken and he was slim built, tall and dressed in white; like himself and all the others.
He closed his eyes. He didn’t know how long it had been since he was taken from his home. Years most likely. Everyday he worked on his escape and every time he escaped he was caught. Each time, the monsters made him sleep again.
***
Mandy had only been inside the jail once when she was ten years-old. The jail had seemed huge and scary then. But today when Mandy pulled up to the jail it didn’t feel as impressive. Mandy smiled. She was much more mature now.
A guard showed her into a room just like the ones she saw in the movies: Plexiglas windows, an old chair and phone. Mandy got her supplies out and nervously arranged her pencils into a straight line. She glanced up when she heard the lock open on her side of the Plexiglas. An older woman shuffled to an empty chair and sat.
What am I doing here? Quickly, Mandy shoved her stuff back in her pack. She reached for the recorder and her hand froze.
Steve was sitting in front of her. He looked awful, which was an improvement. Mandy couldn’t take her eyes off his weathered and stubble-lined face. His mouth opened in what Mandy could only believe was a smile. It revealed broken and missing teeth. He picked up his phone and waited for Mandy to do the same.
“Hey missy,” he croaked when she put the receiver to her ear. Mandy held her breath, as if she’d be afflicted by his bad breath.
“It’s Mandy,” she corrected without thinking.
“I know who you are,” he said. “Whaddya want?”
“I uh, need to do an interview for a class.”
While he cackled she looked at his clothes. He wore a tattered red sweater which hung limply over a dirty t-shirt that read, ‘This Earth is mine!’ Didn’t prisoners have to wear black and white stripes or something?
“Maybe you want to hear my story?” If possible, his eyes sparkled.
“Sure, Steve, that’d be great,” she said with crafted nonchalance. It was exactly what she wanted.
Homecoming Queen Mandy doesn’t like her home town, assigned homework topics or her lip gloss smeared. When her English teacher gives her the assignment to write a paper on the missing youth in Holden, Mandy laughs through her candy-apple red lips; until she finds herself in the middle of intrigue and mystery.
Mandy figures her English assignment will be easy until she starts interviewing locals for her paper; most of them believe in the stories of alien abductions. Mandy chases clues from the town drunk to the mayor to old mines. As she gets closer to the truth, she finds she and her family are more involved than she could guess.
For one, all the missing youth are boys. And second: they are the same age. Then her underwear-model boyfriend goes missing and Mandy decides there is more to her paper than she realizes. What she discovers next brings many of Holden’s prominent citizens together to rescue the boys before they disappear for good.
Will she solve the mystery in time? And will she get an ‘A’ on her English paper?
“Standing Asleep” is 40000 YA Sci/Fi.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
He looked around, careful not to move his head. He was here again, closer to his escape away from the monsters that brought him here. Why was he here? He looked slowly to his left and saw the newest victim. Younger than most the monsters had taken and he was slim built, tall and dressed in white; like himself and all the others.
He closed his eyes. He didn’t know how long it had been since he was taken from his home. Years most likely. Everyday he worked on his escape and every time he escaped he was caught. Each time, the monsters made him sleep again.
***
Mandy had only been inside the jail once when she was ten years-old. The jail had seemed huge and scary then. But today when Mandy pulled up to the jail it didn’t feel as impressive. Mandy smiled. She was much more mature now.
A guard showed her into a room just like the ones she saw in the movies: Plexiglas windows, an old chair and phone. Mandy got her supplies out and nervously arranged her pencils into a straight line. She glanced up when she heard the lock open on her side of the Plexiglas. An older woman shuffled to an empty chair and sat.
What am I doing here? Quickly, Mandy shoved her stuff back in her pack. She reached for the recorder and her hand froze.
Steve was sitting in front of her. He looked awful, which was an improvement. Mandy couldn’t take her eyes off his weathered and stubble-lined face. His mouth opened in what Mandy could only believe was a smile. It revealed broken and missing teeth. He picked up his phone and waited for Mandy to do the same.
“Hey missy,” he croaked when she put the receiver to her ear. Mandy held her breath, as if she’d be afflicted by his bad breath.
“It’s Mandy,” she corrected without thinking.
“I know who you are,” he said. “Whaddya want?”
“I uh, need to do an interview for a class.”
While he cackled she looked at his clothes. He wore a tattered red sweater which hung limply over a dirty t-shirt that read, ‘This Earth is mine!’ Didn’t prisoners have to wear black and white stripes or something?
“Maybe you want to hear my story?” If possible, his eyes sparkled.
“Sure, Steve, that’d be great,” she said with crafted nonchalance. It was exactly what she wanted.
Mar 9, 2010
Query: ONLY HUMAN
Dear [Do your worst commenters!!],
Rachel Daniels’ grandfather is dead, and everything she knew about herself died with him. She had lived her entire life with one overriding goal: to be like him. Now she is six weeks into her last semester of college, and her carefully planned life is falling apart.
When Rachel discovers twenty-eight journals her grandfather had been secretly writing for seventy years, she knows he left them for her.
As Rachel delves into the journals, she is disillusioned by accounts of her grandfather’s misjudgments and selfishness. Worst of all, while Rachel thought Lyle was proud of her for striving for mainstream success, she finds that he wondered if she would ever listen to her own instincts instead of his opinions.
Rachel disconnects as she struggles through the semester, thriving on apathy and anger. She alienates her family, acts recklessly, and contemplates dropping out of college altogether. Every journal reveals more of the real Lyle, who despite instances of extraordinary kindness or courage, falls far short of the perfect person she thought she knew.
In the midst of her grief, her philosophy professor poses a question that consumes her: What is truth? To answer it she must journey from mistake, to reflection, to acceptance, to see that her grandfather is teaching her his last lesson through the pages of his life.
ONLY HUMAN is an 88,000-word work of literary fiction that reflects a section of 20- to 40- something adult culture: cynical and blunt yet inspired and unafraid to question interpersonal relationships and the human condition. Rachel’s unapologetic and biting observations are interwoven with slices of Lyle’s life that range from laugh-out-loud funny to heart-wrenching.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
As of yet unpublished
Rachel Daniels’ grandfather is dead, and everything she knew about herself died with him. She had lived her entire life with one overriding goal: to be like him. Now she is six weeks into her last semester of college, and her carefully planned life is falling apart.
When Rachel discovers twenty-eight journals her grandfather had been secretly writing for seventy years, she knows he left them for her.
As Rachel delves into the journals, she is disillusioned by accounts of her grandfather’s misjudgments and selfishness. Worst of all, while Rachel thought Lyle was proud of her for striving for mainstream success, she finds that he wondered if she would ever listen to her own instincts instead of his opinions.
Rachel disconnects as she struggles through the semester, thriving on apathy and anger. She alienates her family, acts recklessly, and contemplates dropping out of college altogether. Every journal reveals more of the real Lyle, who despite instances of extraordinary kindness or courage, falls far short of the perfect person she thought she knew.
In the midst of her grief, her philosophy professor poses a question that consumes her: What is truth? To answer it she must journey from mistake, to reflection, to acceptance, to see that her grandfather is teaching her his last lesson through the pages of his life.
ONLY HUMAN is an 88,000-word work of literary fiction that reflects a section of 20- to 40- something adult culture: cynical and blunt yet inspired and unafraid to question interpersonal relationships and the human condition. Rachel’s unapologetic and biting observations are interwoven with slices of Lyle’s life that range from laugh-out-loud funny to heart-wrenching.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
As of yet unpublished
QUERY - MAKIN' LOVE - young adult
For seventeen-year old Annie Winters, finding the perfect guy is simple science, if only she could keep from falling for an incompatible subject.
Maintaining her Harvard bound image while being the daughter of two famous folk singers in a band called Smokin' Grass (both a name and an act they practice daily) is complicated enough without Kyle Williams butting in on her efforts to win the National Science Fair.
Her potential blue ribbon project involves a complex scientific formula, ninth month's worth of data and a compatibility test guaranteed to score her the right man, or so she thought. Until Kyle, an incompatible subject, locks them in an office and lures Annie into a few hours of impulsive fun.
Her emotions spun out of control while in the arms of an incredibly hot guy, but that doesn't mean her test is invalid. As if she would give in to his half-British charm and fall instantly in love- even if his kissing score is double that of all the compatible subjects. And even if she can't stop obsessing over all things Kyle.
Annie may be the girl who pushed and shoved her way to number one in her class, but lying about the test results, cheating on her project are two things she could never do, no matter what is at stake. The problem is, being honest with herself is more difficult than anything she's had to learn in school.
MAKIN' LOVE is a 54,000 word young adult novel. When I'm not writing, I am a Gymnastics Program Director for the YMCA and have recently published a short story in International Gymnast magazine for the April, 2010 issue. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.
Maintaining her Harvard bound image while being the daughter of two famous folk singers in a band called Smokin' Grass (both a name and an act they practice daily) is complicated enough without Kyle Williams butting in on her efforts to win the National Science Fair.
Her potential blue ribbon project involves a complex scientific formula, ninth month's worth of data and a compatibility test guaranteed to score her the right man, or so she thought. Until Kyle, an incompatible subject, locks them in an office and lures Annie into a few hours of impulsive fun.
Her emotions spun out of control while in the arms of an incredibly hot guy, but that doesn't mean her test is invalid. As if she would give in to his half-British charm and fall instantly in love- even if his kissing score is double that of all the compatible subjects. And even if she can't stop obsessing over all things Kyle.
Annie may be the girl who pushed and shoved her way to number one in her class, but lying about the test results, cheating on her project are two things she could never do, no matter what is at stake. The problem is, being honest with herself is more difficult than anything she's had to learn in school.
MAKIN' LOVE is a 54,000 word young adult novel. When I'm not writing, I am a Gymnastics Program Director for the YMCA and have recently published a short story in International Gymnast magazine for the April, 2010 issue. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.
Mar 6, 2010
IRON THIRST - URBAN FANTASY
*I've changed the story a bit since the last time I was here, so I had to start over with my query. Thanks in advance for your comments and advice*
You can search for the original query, but since this is more of a fresh start I'm not adding the links to the top like I do with most revisions.
- Rick
The why I picked you paragraph.
Atlanta vampires are a gentler breed than most, but that is not true for the out-of-towners that are flocking to the downtown hotels for this year’s annual DragonCon. The vamps use this opportunity to take off their disguises while blending in with the costumed humans, but there are rules and Adam Bristow, forensics biologist by trade and vampire slayer by design, is there to enforce them and to keep the vampires’ existence secret.
Meanwhile, straight-laced, Felicity Johnson, is looking forward to an escape from the norm. And DragonCon, the convention that celebrates everything science fiction and fantasy, is the perfect prescription. Throw in a scrumptious attorney named Blake, and she’s landed in her own gothic paradise. However, Felicity gets an overdose of adventure when she stumbles upon one friend’s mangled body immediately after her best friend vanishes.
Felicity is introduced into the dark world of vampires when the leader of Bristow’s team and her new crush, Blake, offers to help Felicity find her missing best friend, leading her down a road that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover, one that cannot be undone without a stake to the heart.
Iron Thirst is a 90,000 word urban fantasy told through the eyes of both Felicity and Bristow, inviting the reader into the dark world of the vampire while Felicity slowly discovers that things are not as they seem.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
You can search for the original query, but since this is more of a fresh start I'm not adding the links to the top like I do with most revisions.
- Rick
The why I picked you paragraph.
Atlanta vampires are a gentler breed than most, but that is not true for the out-of-towners that are flocking to the downtown hotels for this year’s annual DragonCon. The vamps use this opportunity to take off their disguises while blending in with the costumed humans, but there are rules and Adam Bristow, forensics biologist by trade and vampire slayer by design, is there to enforce them and to keep the vampires’ existence secret.
Meanwhile, straight-laced, Felicity Johnson, is looking forward to an escape from the norm. And DragonCon, the convention that celebrates everything science fiction and fantasy, is the perfect prescription. Throw in a scrumptious attorney named Blake, and she’s landed in her own gothic paradise. However, Felicity gets an overdose of adventure when she stumbles upon one friend’s mangled body immediately after her best friend vanishes.
Felicity is introduced into the dark world of vampires when the leader of Bristow’s team and her new crush, Blake, offers to help Felicity find her missing best friend, leading her down a road that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover, one that cannot be undone without a stake to the heart.
Iron Thirst is a 90,000 word urban fantasy told through the eyes of both Felicity and Bristow, inviting the reader into the dark world of the vampire while Felicity slowly discovers that things are not as they seem.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Absorption (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent X:
At first Brett Johnson is convinced that the hive mind is a malignant entity intent on devouring humanity. Enraptured by the strange beauty he discovers, he must determine if war is unnecessary, or if he’s been tricked and seduced himself.
Major Johnson is sent to deliver an ultimatum. The planet Oceania must abandon the nanotechnology that links individual brains into a supermind or prepare for war. To demonstrate that the Federalist Worlds are not merely driven by fear and ignorance, he reluctantly agrees to learn to use the technology himself, without completely joining the overmind.
During negotiations he rashly seduces a beautiful woman, hoping to distract her from the hive mind he believes may destroy her. With her help he learns more about Oceania than his superiors could have imagined – but begins to question what he’s been told. Is the hive mind truly an entity seeking to absorb humanity – or a collaborative tool enabling people to perform superhuman feats of intellect?
He can only find out by becoming part of the supermind. If he was right all along and no individual can ever leave, he will never know what he’s lost – and those who hear his report may not understand until it’s too late. If his doubts are correct, it may well be too late to convince his superiors, and the home world of the woman he comes to love may be wracked by a devastating and unnecessary war.
Absorption is an 80,000 word science fiction novel. I received my Masters of Library Science from the State University of New York at Albany.
Grateful Regards,
David Weisman
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent X:
At first Brett Johnson is convinced that the hive mind is a malignant entity intent on devouring humanity. Enraptured by the strange beauty he discovers, he must determine if war is unnecessary, or if he’s been tricked and seduced himself.
Major Johnson is sent to deliver an ultimatum. The planet Oceania must abandon the nanotechnology that links individual brains into a supermind or prepare for war. To demonstrate that the Federalist Worlds are not merely driven by fear and ignorance, he reluctantly agrees to learn to use the technology himself, without completely joining the overmind.
During negotiations he rashly seduces a beautiful woman, hoping to distract her from the hive mind he believes may destroy her. With her help he learns more about Oceania than his superiors could have imagined – but begins to question what he’s been told. Is the hive mind truly an entity seeking to absorb humanity – or a collaborative tool enabling people to perform superhuman feats of intellect?
He can only find out by becoming part of the supermind. If he was right all along and no individual can ever leave, he will never know what he’s lost – and those who hear his report may not understand until it’s too late. If his doubts are correct, it may well be too late to convince his superiors, and the home world of the woman he comes to love may be wracked by a devastating and unnecessary war.
Absorption is an 80,000 word science fiction novel. I received my Masters of Library Science from the State University of New York at Albany.
Grateful Regards,
David Weisman
Mar 5, 2010
Query - The Ice King (Revision #2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Joshua, a child-king, sits in the comfort of his room by a fire consumed with thoughts about the peculiar weather. He looks out his window, checking on the village below, and sees something small flying towards him: a fairy. The Oracles have sent Princess Madasine to Mount Moore to bring him to them.
The Ice King’s daughter has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King has frozen all of the realms, hoping that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is being held captive. If the princess is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles send Joshua on a quest to the Ice King, hoping he can rescue the princess and set things right in the other realms before it is too late. The power inside of him has awakened and Princess Madasine is given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it, or end his life.
During his quest, Joshua discovers his true identity and is forced to face his destiny. A destiny only he is capable of changing.
THE ICE KING is a 75,000 word, completed young adult novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Joshua, a child-king, sits in the comfort of his room by a fire consumed with thoughts about the peculiar weather. He looks out his window, checking on the village below, and sees something small flying towards him: a fairy. The Oracles have sent Princess Madasine to Mount Moore to bring him to them.
The Ice King’s daughter has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King has frozen all of the realms, hoping that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is being held captive. If the princess is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles send Joshua on a quest to the Ice King, hoping he can rescue the princess and set things right in the other realms before it is too late. The power inside of him has awakened and Princess Madasine is given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it, or end his life.
During his quest, Joshua discovers his true identity and is forced to face his destiny. A destiny only he is capable of changing.
THE ICE KING is a 75,000 word, completed young adult novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
Revised Query - The Ice King
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
A Chosen One falls from the heavens every thousand years, destined to bring back peace to all races: mortal and immortal. The last two became evil and twisted; will Joshua follow them or will he change his destiny?
Azalla, a powerful shapeshifter, has guarded and protected Joshua, patiently waiting for him to be called upon. Everyday that passes, he becomes more than a quest to her. She loves and fears him, torn between her quest and his destiny.
The Ice King’s daughter, Arriell, has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King freezes all of the realms, in hopes that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is now being held captive. If she is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles summon Princess Madasine, a fairy princess, and command her to bring Joshua to them. The power inside of him has awakened early and Princess Madasine has been given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it. The Oracles send him on a quest to the Ice King, in hopes that he can rescue Princess Arriell and set things right in the other realms before it is too late.
THE ICE KING is a Middle Grade-Young Adult 75,000 word, completed novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world full of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent,
A Chosen One falls from the heavens every thousand years, destined to bring back peace to all races: mortal and immortal. The last two became evil and twisted; will Joshua follow them or will he change his destiny?
Azalla, a powerful shapeshifter, has guarded and protected Joshua, patiently waiting for him to be called upon. Everyday that passes, he becomes more than a quest to her. She loves and fears him, torn between her quest and his destiny.
The Ice King’s daughter, Arriell, has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King freezes all of the realms, in hopes that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is now being held captive. If she is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles summon Princess Madasine, a fairy princess, and command her to bring Joshua to them. The power inside of him has awakened early and Princess Madasine has been given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it. The Oracles send him on a quest to the Ice King, in hopes that he can rescue Princess Arriell and set things right in the other realms before it is too late.
THE ICE KING is a Middle Grade-Young Adult 75,000 word, completed novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world full of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Mar 4, 2010
Query - The Ice King
Dear Agent,
I am writing to you because I just finished my first novel and I am hoping you will represent me.
My manuscript, The Ice King, is the first novel in a young adult series entitled The Chosen that I am in the process of writing. The Ice King, will take the reader on a magical adventure alongside characters such as: a child-king, a fairy princess, and a powerful shapeshifter. My novel is 75,000 words in its completed form and is similar to the writings of Cornelia Funke.
Joshua never expected that his world would be turned upside down by the arrival of an uninvited guest lingering outside his bedchamber window. A small fairy princess, boiling over with pride, demands entrance into his chambers. She tells him he must leave immediately with her and he has no choice. She has an unexpected surprise when a powerful immortal walks in. A shapeshifter, disguised as his nanny, has been protecting him and waiting for him to come of age so she can reveal who he truly is and what he is destined to become. Something has gone terribly wrong in the Ice Kingdom, causing the Ice King to freeze all the realms. A journey to meet the Oracles, sends Joshua on a quest to realms he never knew existed, and begins a destiny he will find hard to accept.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
I am writing to you because I just finished my first novel and I am hoping you will represent me.
My manuscript, The Ice King, is the first novel in a young adult series entitled The Chosen that I am in the process of writing. The Ice King, will take the reader on a magical adventure alongside characters such as: a child-king, a fairy princess, and a powerful shapeshifter. My novel is 75,000 words in its completed form and is similar to the writings of Cornelia Funke.
Joshua never expected that his world would be turned upside down by the arrival of an uninvited guest lingering outside his bedchamber window. A small fairy princess, boiling over with pride, demands entrance into his chambers. She tells him he must leave immediately with her and he has no choice. She has an unexpected surprise when a powerful immortal walks in. A shapeshifter, disguised as his nanny, has been protecting him and waiting for him to come of age so she can reveal who he truly is and what he is destined to become. Something has gone terribly wrong in the Ice Kingdom, causing the Ice King to freeze all the realms. A journey to meet the Oracles, sends Joshua on a quest to realms he never knew existed, and begins a destiny he will find hard to accept.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
Mar 1, 2010
Query- Mayhem, Inc. (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Archer Quinn eats only food he can count, organizes his clothes by color, and polishes every bullet before loading his gun. Quinn, a former Special Forces operative, has carved out a simple life of order with his courier company, a job that permits him to be virtually invisible as he avoids stepping on cracks and taps the side of his truck three times after every delivery. But, after he foils a seemingly random hit on his life, Quinn is thrust headlong into a corporate conspiracy with the sole endgame of toppling the globe into anarchy.
On the run from strange men in gray suits and fighting for his life, Quinn soon realizes the world is going to end in two weeks, and that he is the only one able to see the method to the madness. As society teeters on the edge, Quinn has to make a decision. Stop the corporation’s plan? Or help it along? They are, after all, the order behind the chaos.
Mayhem, Inc. is a 78,000-word thriller.
Dear Agent,
Archer Quinn eats only food he can count, organizes his clothes by color, and polishes every bullet before loading his gun. Quinn, a former Special Forces operative, has carved out a simple life of order with his courier company, a job that permits him to be virtually invisible as he avoids stepping on cracks and taps the side of his truck three times after every delivery. But, after he foils a seemingly random hit on his life, Quinn is thrust headlong into a corporate conspiracy with the sole endgame of toppling the globe into anarchy.
On the run from strange men in gray suits and fighting for his life, Quinn soon realizes the world is going to end in two weeks, and that he is the only one able to see the method to the madness. As society teeters on the edge, Quinn has to make a decision. Stop the corporation’s plan? Or help it along? They are, after all, the order behind the chaos.
Mayhem, Inc. is a 78,000-word thriller.
Feb 28, 2010
Revised Query - Absorption
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent X:
Does the hive mind on the planet Oceania threaten to devour humanity – or can Major Brett Johnson find a way to avert a bloody invasion of the home world of the woman he loves?
As a young medic, Brett Johnson saw atrocities perpetrated by the hive mind Alexander. Now the Space Force sends him to the planet Oceania where the nanotechnology Alexander was based upon was developed. Many thousands of brains are linked together by nanotechnology into the oldest and largest hive mind in existence, and the planet has derived many economic and medical benefits from it.
Major Brett Johnson’s job is to convince the Oceanians that those who voluntarily became part of the hive mind don’t fully understand the peril to their humanity, and that they must allow the nanotechnology and everything based on it to be destroyed rather than forcing the Federalist Worlds to fight a war against them. He is also to learn as much as possible about Oceanian technology to win a war if one is inevitable.
At first Brett believes in his mission. Then he rashly seduces a beautiful woman, knowing this may interfere with his task, yet wanting to distract her from giving her soul to the hive mind. With her help he learns more about Oceania than his superiors could have hoped – but begins to question what he’s been told. Is the hive mind truly a malignant entity seeking to trick humans into building the tools it needs to absorb them – or a collaborative tool enabling people to perform superhuman feats of intellect?
He can only find out by becoming part of the supermind. If he was right all along and no individual can ever leave, he will never know what he’s lost – and those who hear his report may not understand until it’s too late. If his doubts are correct, it may well be too late to convince his superiors, and the home world of the woman he loves may be wracked by a devastating and unnecessary war.
Absorption is an 80,000 word science fiction novel. I received my Masters of Library Science from the State University of New York at Albany.
Grateful Regards,
David Weisman
Dear Agent X:
Does the hive mind on the planet Oceania threaten to devour humanity – or can Major Brett Johnson find a way to avert a bloody invasion of the home world of the woman he loves?
As a young medic, Brett Johnson saw atrocities perpetrated by the hive mind Alexander. Now the Space Force sends him to the planet Oceania where the nanotechnology Alexander was based upon was developed. Many thousands of brains are linked together by nanotechnology into the oldest and largest hive mind in existence, and the planet has derived many economic and medical benefits from it.
Major Brett Johnson’s job is to convince the Oceanians that those who voluntarily became part of the hive mind don’t fully understand the peril to their humanity, and that they must allow the nanotechnology and everything based on it to be destroyed rather than forcing the Federalist Worlds to fight a war against them. He is also to learn as much as possible about Oceanian technology to win a war if one is inevitable.
At first Brett believes in his mission. Then he rashly seduces a beautiful woman, knowing this may interfere with his task, yet wanting to distract her from giving her soul to the hive mind. With her help he learns more about Oceania than his superiors could have hoped – but begins to question what he’s been told. Is the hive mind truly a malignant entity seeking to trick humans into building the tools it needs to absorb them – or a collaborative tool enabling people to perform superhuman feats of intellect?
He can only find out by becoming part of the supermind. If he was right all along and no individual can ever leave, he will never know what he’s lost – and those who hear his report may not understand until it’s too late. If his doubts are correct, it may well be too late to convince his superiors, and the home world of the woman he loves may be wracked by a devastating and unnecessary war.
Absorption is an 80,000 word science fiction novel. I received my Masters of Library Science from the State University of New York at Albany.
Grateful Regards,
David Weisman
Feb 22, 2010
QUERY- The Brigid
This is too long and not focused enough, but I can't see how to fix it.
In this 80,000 word urban fantasy, The Brigid, one man's lack of faith in his unseen heritage may be the weakness that destroys the entire world, starting with those closest to him.
They are brothers. Twins. They live in the white world, but a piece of them belongs to their mother's people, the Nez Perce. Caleb accepts that piece of himself, but Mika's doubts haunt him. In spite of what his brother thinks, it's intuition that sometimes guides Mika, not the spirit guide he courted in his adolescence.
Into their lives comes Brigid, a beautiful woman with no memory and enemies—and friends—who stretch the brothers' credulity. Creatures like the beautiful but terrifying Tuatha de dannan and the wee man who smokes a dragonbone pipe and who just might be a leprechaun. These creatures aren't even from their heritage, but the twins' spirit guides won't let turn their backs no matter how unbelievable all this is. They can't, because the magic that has been locked away in various pocket worlds for nearly two millennium is flooding back into the world through dangerously wide-open portals created by those who want to reclaim this world, but whose recklessness threatens to destroy everything in an explosive chain reaction. And behind it all, the dragons of Brigid's world laugh at how easy humankind is to manipulate.
In order to save not just the world of the mysterious stranger, who both brothers are starting to fall in love with, but their own world as well, Mika must learn to believe and Caleb must learn to see his own worth outside of his brother's shadow.
Thanks to anyone who has any ideas.
In this 80,000 word urban fantasy, The Brigid, one man's lack of faith in his unseen heritage may be the weakness that destroys the entire world, starting with those closest to him.
They are brothers. Twins. They live in the white world, but a piece of them belongs to their mother's people, the Nez Perce. Caleb accepts that piece of himself, but Mika's doubts haunt him. In spite of what his brother thinks, it's intuition that sometimes guides Mika, not the spirit guide he courted in his adolescence.
Into their lives comes Brigid, a beautiful woman with no memory and enemies—and friends—who stretch the brothers' credulity. Creatures like the beautiful but terrifying Tuatha de dannan and the wee man who smokes a dragonbone pipe and who just might be a leprechaun. These creatures aren't even from their heritage, but the twins' spirit guides won't let turn their backs no matter how unbelievable all this is. They can't, because the magic that has been locked away in various pocket worlds for nearly two millennium is flooding back into the world through dangerously wide-open portals created by those who want to reclaim this world, but whose recklessness threatens to destroy everything in an explosive chain reaction. And behind it all, the dragons of Brigid's world laugh at how easy humankind is to manipulate.
In order to save not just the world of the mysterious stranger, who both brothers are starting to fall in love with, but their own world as well, Mika must learn to believe and Caleb must learn to see his own worth outside of his brother's shadow.
Thanks to anyone who has any ideas.
Feb 21, 2010
Query - Avid Heights (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear (Agent):
Just like every other girl in the city of Avid Heights, Sailor Tulley has a crush on the local superhero, Corey Cantrell. It’s too bad she’s the sidekick of his nemesis, the city villain.
When Sailor ditches her sidekick disguise to get closer to Corey, she’s surprised to see that he returns her feelings. But when her boss mysteriously discovers her relationship with his rival the same day that Corey begins giving her the cold shoulder, she realizes it’s no coincidence. The connection between hero and villain runs deeper than she expected, and Corey may not be the hero that he says he is.
She must now decide which is more important: salvaging a relationship with her ideal man, or holding onto her irreplaceable career. Both hero and villain are lying about their identity, and the only way for Sailor to make a decision is to uncover who they really are.
AVID HEIGHTS is a work of commercial fiction complete at 60,000 words. This book can stand alone, but I also have a sequel planned.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
** Notes from the author:
1) Thank you so much to those who helped me shorten this query, and to Rick for making this possible. I welcome as many more critiques as it takes.
2) I'm trying this from a "commercial fiction" angle instead of chick lit. Does this work?
Dear (Agent):
Just like every other girl in the city of Avid Heights, Sailor Tulley has a crush on the local superhero, Corey Cantrell. It’s too bad she’s the sidekick of his nemesis, the city villain.
When Sailor ditches her sidekick disguise to get closer to Corey, she’s surprised to see that he returns her feelings. But when her boss mysteriously discovers her relationship with his rival the same day that Corey begins giving her the cold shoulder, she realizes it’s no coincidence. The connection between hero and villain runs deeper than she expected, and Corey may not be the hero that he says he is.
She must now decide which is more important: salvaging a relationship with her ideal man, or holding onto her irreplaceable career. Both hero and villain are lying about their identity, and the only way for Sailor to make a decision is to uncover who they really are.
AVID HEIGHTS is a work of commercial fiction complete at 60,000 words. This book can stand alone, but I also have a sequel planned.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
** Notes from the author:
1) Thank you so much to those who helped me shorten this query, and to Rick for making this possible. I welcome as many more critiques as it takes.
2) I'm trying this from a "commercial fiction" angle instead of chick lit. Does this work?
Feb 20, 2010
Query - Shards of Glass
SHARDS OF GLASS is women's fiction, complete at 83,000 words.
April Mitchell was seventeen years old when she helped her terminally ill father commit suicide. Six years later, she's living the perfect life, as a medical school student with a handsome boyfriend, but can't quite put the past behind her.
As her father requested, she lied to her mother, saying that he died alone. After her mother’s emotional breakdown, April realized no one was ever going to love her if she told them the truth. She’s been lying ever since – borrowing other people’s stories for her own, pretending that her father is still alive, even changing what she ate for lunch that day. It seems like the only way to remake her world – and herself – into what it should be.
The truth starts to come out when April runs into ex-lover Nick, who tells April’s true story to his jealous girlfriend. She exposes April's secret, endangering April's seat at medical school and the family's life insurance money. April must finally talk to her mother about the night her father died, as her lies are all uncovered. But telling the truth about her father’s suicide and her chronic lying since might cost her dream of being a doctor, her boyfriend, and any possibility of ever reconciling with her mom.
I have been previously published in Cicada and Windhover. I also run the writing blog This Is Not My Day Job (http://thisisnotmydayjob.blogspot.com).
I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Guinevere
April Mitchell was seventeen years old when she helped her terminally ill father commit suicide. Six years later, she's living the perfect life, as a medical school student with a handsome boyfriend, but can't quite put the past behind her.
As her father requested, she lied to her mother, saying that he died alone. After her mother’s emotional breakdown, April realized no one was ever going to love her if she told them the truth. She’s been lying ever since – borrowing other people’s stories for her own, pretending that her father is still alive, even changing what she ate for lunch that day. It seems like the only way to remake her world – and herself – into what it should be.
The truth starts to come out when April runs into ex-lover Nick, who tells April’s true story to his jealous girlfriend. She exposes April's secret, endangering April's seat at medical school and the family's life insurance money. April must finally talk to her mother about the night her father died, as her lies are all uncovered. But telling the truth about her father’s suicide and her chronic lying since might cost her dream of being a doctor, her boyfriend, and any possibility of ever reconciling with her mom.
I have been previously published in Cicada and Windhover. I also run the writing blog This Is Not My Day Job (http://thisisnotmydayjob.blogspot.com).
I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Guinevere
Feb 19, 2010
Query - Avid Heights
Dear (Agent):
There’s no doubt in Sailor Tulley’s mind that her crush on Corey Cantrell is unrequited. He’s brawny and tan with flawless physical features, and she’s vertically challenged and overweight. Not to mention he’s the superhero of the city of Avid Heights, and she’s the sidekick of his nemesis.
Corey treats her like dirt because of her job position, but Sailor is convinced that if he knew her as a person and not an enemy, he would return her feelings. She ditches her sidekick disguise and approaches him in plain clothes, and he’s fooled into believing she’s a different person. Despite their contrasting physiques, he appears to be falling for her.
At first, Sailor manages to keep the taboo romance under wraps while simultaneously concealing her professional identity around Corey. But when her boss mysteriously discovers her relationship with his rival the same day that Corey begins giving her the cold shoulder, Sailor realizes it’s no coincidence. The connection between hero and villain runs deeper than she expected.
She must now decide whose side she is really on: her handsome lover who is now suddenly uninterested, or his nemesis, her concerned employer to whom she failed to remain loyal. Both men have been hiding behind lies, but the only way for Sailor to see them for who they really are is to start being honest with herself.
AVID HEIGHTS is a 60,000-word chick lit novel set in a futuristic city. This book can stand alone, but I also have a sequel planned.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
**Notes from the author:
1) I'm aware that this is super long, but I can't figure out how to trim it. Any advice would be great!
2) Novel word count is on the shorter side, but I'm hoping to get it up to 70k with more editing.
There’s no doubt in Sailor Tulley’s mind that her crush on Corey Cantrell is unrequited. He’s brawny and tan with flawless physical features, and she’s vertically challenged and overweight. Not to mention he’s the superhero of the city of Avid Heights, and she’s the sidekick of his nemesis.
Corey treats her like dirt because of her job position, but Sailor is convinced that if he knew her as a person and not an enemy, he would return her feelings. She ditches her sidekick disguise and approaches him in plain clothes, and he’s fooled into believing she’s a different person. Despite their contrasting physiques, he appears to be falling for her.
At first, Sailor manages to keep the taboo romance under wraps while simultaneously concealing her professional identity around Corey. But when her boss mysteriously discovers her relationship with his rival the same day that Corey begins giving her the cold shoulder, Sailor realizes it’s no coincidence. The connection between hero and villain runs deeper than she expected.
She must now decide whose side she is really on: her handsome lover who is now suddenly uninterested, or his nemesis, her concerned employer to whom she failed to remain loyal. Both men have been hiding behind lies, but the only way for Sailor to see them for who they really are is to start being honest with herself.
AVID HEIGHTS is a 60,000-word chick lit novel set in a futuristic city. This book can stand alone, but I also have a sequel planned.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
**Notes from the author:
1) I'm aware that this is super long, but I can't figure out how to trim it. Any advice would be great!
2) Novel word count is on the shorter side, but I'm hoping to get it up to 70k with more editing.
Feb 17, 2010
Query- 7 Days (Revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
All pastors claim to believe in God; some even believe in demons – too bad Nathan Hanlin isn’t one of them.
Tired of preaching about a God who supposedly loves mankind, Nathan figures life would be easier if he took destiny into his own hands. And it is, easier that is, until a demon shows up. But it’s not just one demon that Nathan encounters, nor is he the only one having this problem. It turns out that when Nathan turned his back on God, he created a crack in the spiritual shield protecting his town, a shield that has stood in place for over 100 years.
All Nathan wants is for life to get back to normal. He’d like his nightmares to end, his friends to accept he’s never going to preach again and for his older sister to stop insisting God is trying to get his attention. Enough already. Actually, what Nathan really wants is to step back in time, to a place where he was happy, fulfilled and there were no demons to deal with. When Nathan finally gets the courage to go through his dead wife’s things, he finds out the life he thought he had never really existed.
Nathan must now choose to stop blaming God and accept his life or completely forsake everyone and let whatever comes have its way, demons and all.
7 DAYS TO REDEMPTION completed at 77,000 words is a supernatural suspense in which a pastor's faith in God is tested and his trust in his sister is betrayed.
Click here to read the second revision.
All pastors claim to believe in God; some even believe in demons – too bad Nathan Hanlin isn’t one of them.
Tired of preaching about a God who supposedly loves mankind, Nathan figures life would be easier if he took destiny into his own hands. And it is, easier that is, until a demon shows up. But it’s not just one demon that Nathan encounters, nor is he the only one having this problem. It turns out that when Nathan turned his back on God, he created a crack in the spiritual shield protecting his town, a shield that has stood in place for over 100 years.
All Nathan wants is for life to get back to normal. He’d like his nightmares to end, his friends to accept he’s never going to preach again and for his older sister to stop insisting God is trying to get his attention. Enough already. Actually, what Nathan really wants is to step back in time, to a place where he was happy, fulfilled and there were no demons to deal with. When Nathan finally gets the courage to go through his dead wife’s things, he finds out the life he thought he had never really existed.
Nathan must now choose to stop blaming God and accept his life or completely forsake everyone and let whatever comes have its way, demons and all.
7 DAYS TO REDEMPTION completed at 77,000 words is a supernatural suspense in which a pastor's faith in God is tested and his trust in his sister is betrayed.
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