Dear Agent,
Marie broke her ankle, managing to do this in the washroom of the plane taking her to Egypt. After two days in a Cairo hospital, she decides to continue her voyage, but what was to be the trip of a lifetime for this French Canadian pharmacist has now become a trip on crutches with the occasional—and sometimes comically defective—wheelchair thrown in. All this, Marie is convinced, is the result of the curse of Ramses which has not only been delivered prematurely, but continues to dog her throughout the trip.
Marie candidly recounts her quirky misadventures with a heavy dose of humour, from the unexpected surgery in the Egyptian hospital where important things always get done at midnight, the witching hour, to an encounter with the crutch-sucking sand of the evil Beach of Torment.
To survive, Marie adapts and acquires new skills. She learns how to avoid face-first landings in the hummus when dealing with buffets—a dangerous activity for anyone on crutches who is not a three-handed mutant. She defeats the heaving, bobbing, and rolling Dock of Despair, and even manages to build a snowman while sailing down the Nile.
Marie further enlightens the reader on the mysteries of the pyramids, Egyptian mythology, and the art of building a proper mummy. She does this with the aid of Widget and Otitis, two ancient Egyptian cartoon characters who pop up throughout the book, interjecting their own interpretation of events.
AROUND EGYPT ON ONE FOOT is a non-fiction narrative of my trip to Egypt. It not only reveals the beauty of this country from the decidedly different perspective of a damaged tourist, but also shows the kindness and warmth of its people, without which, I would have been up the Nile without an oar. It is complete at 52,000 words and is my first book.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Marie Descent
Jan 31, 2010
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (sixth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. Only after she is attacked does Jess discover that Caleb’s secret is bitingly real and she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. When his pack in attacked, Caleb is singled out for brutal treatment. He is left traumatised and withdrawn. Jess chooses her side in the war when she runs for help, and risks her humanity, to reach out to Caleb. She helps him find his way back to a time before the pain, back to her love.
Jess’ problems lie in the secrets her parents keep from her; they prevent her from understanding why she is fast and strong, has an innate visual memory, and senses the true nature of others. Hoping to end a way of life built on hatred and annihilation, they have chosen to allow Fate to decide what will happen when the last-born Hunter meets the Alpha-to-be. Since an unscrupulous Were might see Jess’ ignorance as the perfect opportunity for revenge, it’s a good thing that Caleb fights for more than the right to love.
Thank your for your time and consideration.
My thanks to everyone who has contributed to the Query letter in its many forms. :)
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. Only after she is attacked does Jess discover that Caleb’s secret is bitingly real and she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. When his pack in attacked, Caleb is singled out for brutal treatment. He is left traumatised and withdrawn. Jess chooses her side in the war when she runs for help, and risks her humanity, to reach out to Caleb. She helps him find his way back to a time before the pain, back to her love.
Jess’ problems lie in the secrets her parents keep from her; they prevent her from understanding why she is fast and strong, has an innate visual memory, and senses the true nature of others. Hoping to end a way of life built on hatred and annihilation, they have chosen to allow Fate to decide what will happen when the last-born Hunter meets the Alpha-to-be. Since an unscrupulous Were might see Jess’ ignorance as the perfect opportunity for revenge, it’s a good thing that Caleb fights for more than the right to love.
Thank your for your time and consideration.
My thanks to everyone who has contributed to the Query letter in its many forms. :)
Jan 27, 2010
Query - Shifting Sand
Dear Agent:
Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it. That sounds just fine to Sadie Sloan.
Welcome to Tybee Island! Savannah's Playground! Mayberry on Acid! The End of Highway 80! And maybe the end of Sadie's marriage. But maybe that's a good thing, because she doesn't even love her husband. Or maybe it's a bad thing, because he is exactly what she needs. She can't be sure.
While in self-imposed exile on this tiny Georgia island, Sadie runs into Kyle, the man who left her shattered eighteen years ago. Seeing him releases a torrent of suppressed memories of that summer after high school when she fell in love with Kyle, her boyfriend's best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. The shocking suicide of Sadie's best friend drove them apart and Sadie never quite recovered. Now it seems like they have another chance to discover the happiness that was denied them so many years ago.
Sadie is too busy trying to pretend to be a teenager again to listen to friends and family who are all warning her to stay away from Kyle. Sadie's husband is too busy trying to soothe his bruised ego to tell Sadie that he loves her and desperately wants her to come back home.
Before Sadie throws her life away for Kyle, she must learn for herself that the past only exists in her memories and that as much as she may want to, she can't go back again.
Shifting Sand, a work of women's fiction, is complete at 89,000 words. Please contact me if you are interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it. That sounds just fine to Sadie Sloan.
Welcome to Tybee Island! Savannah's Playground! Mayberry on Acid! The End of Highway 80! And maybe the end of Sadie's marriage. But maybe that's a good thing, because she doesn't even love her husband. Or maybe it's a bad thing, because he is exactly what she needs. She can't be sure.
While in self-imposed exile on this tiny Georgia island, Sadie runs into Kyle, the man who left her shattered eighteen years ago. Seeing him releases a torrent of suppressed memories of that summer after high school when she fell in love with Kyle, her boyfriend's best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. The shocking suicide of Sadie's best friend drove them apart and Sadie never quite recovered. Now it seems like they have another chance to discover the happiness that was denied them so many years ago.
Sadie is too busy trying to pretend to be a teenager again to listen to friends and family who are all warning her to stay away from Kyle. Sadie's husband is too busy trying to soothe his bruised ego to tell Sadie that he loves her and desperately wants her to come back home.
Before Sadie throws her life away for Kyle, she must learn for herself that the past only exists in her memories and that as much as she may want to, she can't go back again.
Shifting Sand, a work of women's fiction, is complete at 89,000 words. Please contact me if you are interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Query -- The Butterfly Key (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions, Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and His so-called providence.
Upon reaching her breaking point on Christmas Eve, Nicole is losing her battle. With her soul fractured like a broken pane of glass, she is unable to purge the brutal despair that has seeped in through the cracks. Moreover, her seemingly indelible faith is at risk of erosion.
Determined to mend the shards of his wife’s shattered soul, Nicole’s husband, Drew, gathers his wife and children around the Christmas tree. Guided by something he could only consider extraordinary, Drew narrates a made-up tale of a young couple who also want children, but find themselves struggling amidst the providence of God.
As Drew spins his yarn, he is hoping to weave a story that will show Nicole that God has a purpose for all that happens – even the heartrending events in life.
When Drew finishes his emotional story, he is still unsure if Nicole can find it in her heart to forgive God. That is until a special gift appears under the Christmas tree from one of the invented characters in his story, which completely changes everything for both Drew and Nicole.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction and is set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Dear Agent,
Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions, Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and His so-called providence.
Upon reaching her breaking point on Christmas Eve, Nicole is losing her battle. With her soul fractured like a broken pane of glass, she is unable to purge the brutal despair that has seeped in through the cracks. Moreover, her seemingly indelible faith is at risk of erosion.
Determined to mend the shards of his wife’s shattered soul, Nicole’s husband, Drew, gathers his wife and children around the Christmas tree. Guided by something he could only consider extraordinary, Drew narrates a made-up tale of a young couple who also want children, but find themselves struggling amidst the providence of God.
As Drew spins his yarn, he is hoping to weave a story that will show Nicole that God has a purpose for all that happens – even the heartrending events in life.
When Drew finishes his emotional story, he is still unsure if Nicole can find it in her heart to forgive God. That is until a special gift appears under the Christmas tree from one of the invented characters in his story, which completely changes everything for both Drew and Nicole.
THE BUTTERFLY KEY is a 72,000-word work of literary fiction and is set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota. A completed manuscript is available upon your request. I look forward to working with you.
Regards,
A.D.N
Query: TEMPUS VIATOR (draft two)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Knees bent and body poised, Rochelle was ready to pounce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. He has been killing off viators one by one for the past twenty odd years. His lust for power and envy for Rochelle's unique ability to see into the past, a trait not common among the time travelers, makes her his number one priority. Rochelle, together with a group of loyal friends, set out from her hometown of Franklin, Tennessee to make the hell Hadrian's created a thing of the past. A thing that cannot be changed.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
Dear Agent,
Knees bent and body poised, Rochelle was ready to pounce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. He has been killing off viators one by one for the past twenty odd years. His lust for power and envy for Rochelle's unique ability to see into the past, a trait not common among the time travelers, makes her his number one priority. Rochelle, together with a group of loyal friends, set out from her hometown of Franklin, Tennessee to make the hell Hadrian's created a thing of the past. A thing that cannot be changed.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
QUERY- YOUNG ADULT PARANORMAL THRILLER TAKE TWO: NEW TITLE: WHISKERS: HARBINGERS OF CHANGE
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent Name]:
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, WHISKERS: HARBINGERS OF CHANGE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride. When uber-handsome Xavian confesses his knowledge of the danger, Nickie wonders if her classmate is tricking her or trying to help. Before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Xavian witnesses her new appendages and when he transforms into a panther, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope, or shapeshifter.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
Dear [Agent Name]:
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, WHISKERS: HARBINGERS OF CHANGE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride. When uber-handsome Xavian confesses his knowledge of the danger, Nickie wonders if her classmate is tricking her or trying to help. Before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Xavian witnesses her new appendages and when he transforms into a panther, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope, or shapeshifter.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
Jan 25, 2010
QUERY- YOUNG ADULT PARANORMAL THRILLER AILURANTHROPE
Dear [Agent Name]:
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, AILURANTHROPE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
When uber-handsome Xavian hints at knowing how to find her dad, Nickie notices his unnatural grace. But before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Too bad she’s not alone when it happens. Her worries are erased when Xavian transforms into a panther. With Xavian's help, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
I would be happy to send a complete manuscript of AILURANTHROPE upon your request.
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
[Personalized opening sentence] I am seeking representation for my Young Adult paranormal thriller, AILURANTHROPE, complete at 77,000 words.
Sixteen year old Nickie Leone will do whatever it takes to find her father—even if it means trusting a stranger with her most guarded secret.
When uber-handsome Xavian hints at knowing how to find her dad, Nickie notices his unnatural grace. But before she has a chance to question him, her body undergoes changes no teenager would expect—pointed ears and whiskers are not the fashion statement she wants to make. Too bad she’s not alone when it happens. Her worries are erased when Xavian transforms into a panther. With Xavian's help, Nickie is introduced to life as an Ailuranthrope.
As if that isn’t bad enough, she discovers the leader of an opposing clan wants to kill her father and adopt her into his pride.
Now Nickie must pair up with Xavian and find a way to win her father’s freedom—before she becomes a captive and her father becomes a murder victim.
[Bio]
I would be happy to send a complete manuscript of AILURANTHROPE upon your request.
Thank you for your consideration,
[Me]
[Contact Info]
http://lbdiamond.wordpress.com/
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (fifth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. When she finds out he is part of a pack rather than a family she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. Caleb is traumatised after the attack. Can Jess help him back to reality, back to a time before the pain, back to her love?
Thank your for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the synopsis and first three chapters.
Sincerely,
Elaine Piedmont Writer Smith :)
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for NEAR EDGWARE, a YA paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words.
Sixteen year old Jess Trainer does not understand Caleb Ridgeway. He alternates between interested and the cold shoulder. She could manage her emotions if he did not give her reasons to hope, but this on-off attraction drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Aware that the insular Ridgeway brothers have abilities beyond a normal person, she suspects this is why Caleb says their relationship cannot develop. When she finds out he is part of a pack rather than a family she is plunged into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland between those born human and those born were. Caleb is traumatised after the attack. Can Jess help him back to reality, back to a time before the pain, back to her love?
Thank your for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the synopsis and first three chapters.
Sincerely,
Elaine Piedmont Writer Smith :)
QUERY: The Bachelor Company
In my historical novel, “The Bachelor Company,” Anthony Ward and Fitch Cunningham meet on board a ship leaving England. Anthony has just dropped out of seminary. Fitch has just committed a crime. Together they befriend a shy cabin boy, Otis Allen.
The three friends settle into menial jobs in Massachusetts. They jump at the chance to join a group headed west to seek their fortune on the route of the Erie Canal, still under construction. As the Bachelor Company, the men pledge not to marry until they have built a home and a business for each of them
But pioneer life in the 1820s is hard. One man turns back as soon as they arrive in upstate New York. Another leaves to take a safer job in a bigger town. Yet another, beset by superstition, drowns himself after his wife dies in childbirth. Anthony, Fitch and Otis stand together, even as their former comrade, the greedy, envious Russell St. John, schemes against them.
The town grows as the canal succeeds, and the men prosper – until Otis is killed in a knife fight, defending his Seneca Indian bride. Without his gentle influence, the bond between Anthony and Fitch frays. Anthony misses the church; Fitch regrets his marriage to the wealthiest – and coldest – girl in the territory.
Russell, who uses blackmail and arson to further his ambitions, rejoices when a bitter quarrel divides the two old friends.
Then the Main Street Bridge, crowded with folks eager to watch a daredevil cross the canal on a tightrope, collapses into the water, and Anthony and Fitch have one last chance to save their town, their families and each other.
“The Bachelor Company” is complete at 165,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The three friends settle into menial jobs in Massachusetts. They jump at the chance to join a group headed west to seek their fortune on the route of the Erie Canal, still under construction. As the Bachelor Company, the men pledge not to marry until they have built a home and a business for each of them
But pioneer life in the 1820s is hard. One man turns back as soon as they arrive in upstate New York. Another leaves to take a safer job in a bigger town. Yet another, beset by superstition, drowns himself after his wife dies in childbirth. Anthony, Fitch and Otis stand together, even as their former comrade, the greedy, envious Russell St. John, schemes against them.
The town grows as the canal succeeds, and the men prosper – until Otis is killed in a knife fight, defending his Seneca Indian bride. Without his gentle influence, the bond between Anthony and Fitch frays. Anthony misses the church; Fitch regrets his marriage to the wealthiest – and coldest – girl in the territory.
Russell, who uses blackmail and arson to further his ambitions, rejoices when a bitter quarrel divides the two old friends.
Then the Main Street Bridge, crowded with folks eager to watch a daredevil cross the canal on a tightrope, collapses into the water, and Anthony and Fitch have one last chance to save their town, their families and each other.
“The Bachelor Company” is complete at 165,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: TEMPUS VIATOR
Dear Agent,
Rochelle kept her body posed, ready to ponce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. His greed for power and envy for her ability to see into the past make her his number one priority. Rochelle must leave her small town of Franklin, Tennessee and face the man who has ruined so much of her life already.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. I would be happy to send a manuscript upon your request.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
Rochelle kept her body posed, ready to ponce with her knife. She kept her gaze on the man who above all wanted her blood. Little did he know it was his that would be spilled.
Twenty year old Rochelle was warned he was coming for her. Hadrian, a tempus viator, or time traveler like herself, is threatening the very existence of their kind. His greed for power and envy for her ability to see into the past make her his number one priority. Rochelle must leave her small town of Franklin, Tennessee and face the man who has ruined so much of her life already.
TEMPUS VIATOR is science fiction complete at 73,000 words. I would be happy to send a manuscript upon your request.
Sincerely,
Joy Wilson
Jan 24, 2010
QUERY: THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS - Third Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mythical Agent.
November 28th, 2012. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to fail worldwide, inflicting severe casualties. Already nervous, the planet is plunged into a frenzy when days later, news is leaked that an entity is travelling towards earth.
Howard Andersen, a cynic who believes that people are fundamentally untrustworthy and those who appear to be different are simply good actors, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is activated. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who resents the appointment and wants him out.
Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are linked to the approach of the craft. Is the planet truly under attack, or is it something else, something that is linked to an ancient Mayan prophecy about the end of days? Even as he grapples with those questions, Howard’s unconventional methods of solving issues gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him. As a sequence of events begins that pushes the planet to the brink of becoming a nuclear wasteland, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul in order to save lives.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mythical Agent.
November 28th, 2012. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to fail worldwide, inflicting severe casualties. Already nervous, the planet is plunged into a frenzy when days later, news is leaked that an entity is travelling towards earth.
Howard Andersen, a cynic who believes that people are fundamentally untrustworthy and those who appear to be different are simply good actors, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is activated. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who resents the appointment and wants him out.
Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are linked to the approach of the craft. Is the planet truly under attack, or is it something else, something that is linked to an ancient Mayan prophecy about the end of days? Even as he grapples with those questions, Howard’s unconventional methods of solving issues gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him. As a sequence of events begins that pushes the planet to the brink of becoming a nuclear wasteland, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul in order to save lives.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Fallen Knight - (3rd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Ms. Agent,
Jonathan James, the computer genius responsible for hacks into the Department of Defense and NASA. David Berkowitz – the infamous Son of Sam Killer. Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold, the boys responsible for the Columbine tragedy. And last but not least, the Rajneeshee religious cult, responsible for the largest bioterrorism attack in US history. All amateurs! At least that what one individual believes, and now they plan to prove it.
The story takes place over the course of nine days, climaxing on the eve of 2011 when a twisted mind intends on culminating a carefully devised crime spree by eclipsing the events of 26 years ago. At the center of the action is a female private detective who is forced to rely on the help of an aging group of amateur sleuths, all of whom stumble across the plot while investigating the assault of a friend and co-worker. Quickly in over their heads but determined nonetheless, the boundaries of the groups friendship become tested as they suddenly shift from committed pursuers…to unsuspecting quarry.
What would it be like if the Bowery Boys grew to adulthood and squared off against Professor Moriarty? That is the essence of my story.
I am writing to you because you represented DEAD AIR by ED GOLDBERG and I believe my 105,000 word mystery/suspense novel, FALLEN KNIGHT, fits in that mold. Thank you for your consideration of this query. My full manuscript is available at your request.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Ms. Agent,
Jonathan James, the computer genius responsible for hacks into the Department of Defense and NASA. David Berkowitz – the infamous Son of Sam Killer. Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold, the boys responsible for the Columbine tragedy. And last but not least, the Rajneeshee religious cult, responsible for the largest bioterrorism attack in US history. All amateurs! At least that what one individual believes, and now they plan to prove it.
The story takes place over the course of nine days, climaxing on the eve of 2011 when a twisted mind intends on culminating a carefully devised crime spree by eclipsing the events of 26 years ago. At the center of the action is a female private detective who is forced to rely on the help of an aging group of amateur sleuths, all of whom stumble across the plot while investigating the assault of a friend and co-worker. Quickly in over their heads but determined nonetheless, the boundaries of the groups friendship become tested as they suddenly shift from committed pursuers…to unsuspecting quarry.
What would it be like if the Bowery Boys grew to adulthood and squared off against Professor Moriarty? That is the essence of my story.
I am writing to you because you represented DEAD AIR by ED GOLDBERG and I believe my 105,000 word mystery/suspense novel, FALLEN KNIGHT, fits in that mold. Thank you for your consideration of this query. My full manuscript is available at your request.
Sincerely,
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (fourth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear special Agent
The attraction sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, feels for Caleb Ridgeway is driving her to the brink of stalker-staus because his hands linger even while he is trying to push her away.
Jess abuses her position of the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway brother’s files. In their previous school data, and the bizarre meanings of their full names she finds two possible reasons why they might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private-school snob and werewolf, the second option seems more desirable.
Jess and Caleb's relationship plunges her into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human "werewolves" and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
It is Jess who runs to call back the pack protectors and prevents the massacre of many Were including Caleb, and their pack Apha, when they are attacked by once-human, werewolves.
In the aftermath of the attack, when only one of the feral Were escaped justice, Caleb is so traumatised the pack fear he may never recover. Despite the danger he may doom her, Jess risks her humanity to help Caleb remember the time before pain. She coaxes him back from the brink of madness, with her love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach many disaffected children so I developed my counselling skills. There are many would-be writers but few who understand young people as well, or who would be comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions to as many as sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled NEAR EDGWARE is a YA paranormal romance set in a normal secondary school and the woodland, called the Weald, which surrounds the town of Woodford, near Edgware. It is complete in 72,200 words.
Many thanks for your time
Elaine A M Smith
As with my initials I would have to describe my writing as more Kelley Armstrong and less Stephenie Meyer.
I can’t think how – or where – to put the comparative part – it is corny and trite and ... but where does it go?
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear special Agent
The attraction sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, feels for Caleb Ridgeway is driving her to the brink of stalker-staus because his hands linger even while he is trying to push her away.
Jess abuses her position of the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway brother’s files. In their previous school data, and the bizarre meanings of their full names she finds two possible reasons why they might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private-school snob and werewolf, the second option seems more desirable.
Jess and Caleb's relationship plunges her into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human "werewolves" and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
It is Jess who runs to call back the pack protectors and prevents the massacre of many Were including Caleb, and their pack Apha, when they are attacked by once-human, werewolves.
In the aftermath of the attack, when only one of the feral Were escaped justice, Caleb is so traumatised the pack fear he may never recover. Despite the danger he may doom her, Jess risks her humanity to help Caleb remember the time before pain. She coaxes him back from the brink of madness, with her love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach many disaffected children so I developed my counselling skills. There are many would-be writers but few who understand young people as well, or who would be comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions to as many as sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled NEAR EDGWARE is a YA paranormal romance set in a normal secondary school and the woodland, called the Weald, which surrounds the town of Woodford, near Edgware. It is complete in 72,200 words.
Many thanks for your time
Elaine A M Smith
As with my initials I would have to describe my writing as more Kelley Armstrong and less Stephenie Meyer.
I can’t think how – or where – to put the comparative part – it is corny and trite and ... but where does it go?
Query- Near Edgware (Revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, does not understand why Caleb Ridgeway hands linger even while he tries to push her away, the attraction she feels for him is chemical and gut-clenching and it drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Jess shocks everyone when she explains the differences she sees between the Ridgeways, they test her visual acuity. But when the brothers know the details of lessons they did not attend, Jess realises they have abilities beyond any normal range. She finds Caleb does not share their most intimate moments with his brothers. After Alex Ridgeway causes Jess’ accident during school’s Orientation Day, Caleb begins to explain why their relationship cannot develop, until the arrival of the Headteacher silences him.
Jess abuses her position on the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway’s files in school. In their previous school data and the bizarre meanings of their names, she finds two possible reasons why Caleb and his brothers might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private school snob and werewolf, as the explanation for Caleb’s anti-social behaviour, the second option seems more desirable.
As far as a study of a little-known subculture goes hers is enjoyable, if unscientific. When her persistence fades to long-distance adoration Caleb decides to trust her, not with his secret, but with his heart. Their relationship plunges Jess into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human werewolves and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
Caleb explains he is bound to guard and protect everything living alongside the largest Were pack in the United Kingdom in the Weald, near Edgware.
When one of Caleb’s pack allows the feral Were inside their home, it is Jess who, sensing something is wrong, gets inside and finds the dying, the injured and Caleb who has been tortured. With most of the pack patrolling the woods Jess runs to call them back, pursued by hellish humans. She uses her wits to kill one and finds the motivation to turn her balletic karate moves into a lethal force. She holds a vigil, unseen in the dark, while a larger pack than she’d ever met meets to bury the dead.
With only one of the feral Were unaccounted for, everyone has to deal with the aftermath of the attack. Caleb is so traumatised, violent and withdrawn the pack fear he may never recover. Despite their attempts to stop her, Jess locks herself in the room with Caleb to coax him from the brink of madness. She helps him remember the time before the pain, guides him back to reality and to their love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach where supply teachers fear to tread, so added a counselling qualification to my college degree. I build relationships and enable children to overcome barriers to learning. There are many would-be writers but fewer who understand young people as well, or would be as comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions with up to sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled Near Edgware is a YA paranormal romance complete in 72,200-words.
I thank you for your time.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, does not understand why Caleb Ridgeway hands linger even while he tries to push her away, the attraction she feels for him is chemical and gut-clenching and it drives her to the brink of stalker status.
Jess shocks everyone when she explains the differences she sees between the Ridgeways, they test her visual acuity. But when the brothers know the details of lessons they did not attend, Jess realises they have abilities beyond any normal range. She finds Caleb does not share their most intimate moments with his brothers. After Alex Ridgeway causes Jess’ accident during school’s Orientation Day, Caleb begins to explain why their relationship cannot develop, until the arrival of the Headteacher silences him.
Jess abuses her position on the Year Book Committee to dissect the Ridgeway’s files in school. In their previous school data and the bizarre meanings of their names, she finds two possible reasons why Caleb and his brothers might choose to isolate themselves to the fringes of all social circles. Given the choice between private school snob and werewolf, as the explanation for Caleb’s anti-social behaviour, the second option seems more desirable.
As far as a study of a little-known subculture goes hers is enjoyable, if unscientific. When her persistence fades to long-distance adoration Caleb decides to trust her, not with his secret, but with his heart. Their relationship plunges Jess into the seething war of attrition being fought in the woodland around Woodford between human hunters, once-human werewolves and those born Were. Jess finds this reality hard to stomach, she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
Caleb explains he is bound to guard and protect everything living alongside the largest Were pack in the United Kingdom in the Weald, near Edgware.
When one of Caleb’s pack allows the feral Were inside their home, it is Jess who, sensing something is wrong, gets inside and finds the dying, the injured and Caleb who has been tortured. With most of the pack patrolling the woods Jess runs to call them back, pursued by hellish humans. She uses her wits to kill one and finds the motivation to turn her balletic karate moves into a lethal force. She holds a vigil, unseen in the dark, while a larger pack than she’d ever met meets to bury the dead.
With only one of the feral Were unaccounted for, everyone has to deal with the aftermath of the attack. Caleb is so traumatised, violent and withdrawn the pack fear he may never recover. Despite their attempts to stop her, Jess locks herself in the room with Caleb to coax him from the brink of madness. She helps him remember the time before the pain, guides him back to reality and to their love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I teach where supply teachers fear to tread, so added a counselling qualification to my college degree. I build relationships and enable children to overcome barriers to learning. There are many would-be writers but fewer who understand young people as well, or would be as comfortable speaking to them en-masse. My experience of delivering sex-education sessions with up to sixty pre-teens is some foundation for selling my work to the target audience.
My novel entitled Near Edgware is a YA paranormal romance complete in 72,200-words.
I thank you for your time.
Jan 23, 2010
QUERY- EYES OF MY KILLER
Dear Ms. Dream Agent,
Please accept my submission of EYES OF MY KILLER, a thriller complete at 80,000 words.
Misty reads eyes. She needs only to glance deep within your eyes to see your soul, your world, and all your secrets. But her gift has gotten her into trouble before as it doesn’t always give a clear picture. Not everything she “sees” makes sense. Random thoughts, images, and emotions come through haphazardly. When she comes eye to eye with a serial killer Misty goes to the police for help. In shock, she can describe the brutality and horror she saw in his eyes, but not the man himself. She knows the police think she’s a kook, but she has to make them listen.
Max Jennings is a by the book cop and he’s on the trail of the nastiest serial killer in Angel Fall’s history. When Misty McAllister walks into his squad room and declares she knows who the Angel Fall’s Strangler is because she met him at the mall, Max labels her a whacko. When the strangler leaves a message on Misty’s doorstep in the form of a dead body he labels her a suspect, but Misty insists it’s a warning. Now she’s in a race for her life and only man who can help her, is the one who doesn’t believe her.
Best Regards,
Aimlesswriter
Please accept my submission of EYES OF MY KILLER, a thriller complete at 80,000 words.
Misty reads eyes. She needs only to glance deep within your eyes to see your soul, your world, and all your secrets. But her gift has gotten her into trouble before as it doesn’t always give a clear picture. Not everything she “sees” makes sense. Random thoughts, images, and emotions come through haphazardly. When she comes eye to eye with a serial killer Misty goes to the police for help. In shock, she can describe the brutality and horror she saw in his eyes, but not the man himself. She knows the police think she’s a kook, but she has to make them listen.
Max Jennings is a by the book cop and he’s on the trail of the nastiest serial killer in Angel Fall’s history. When Misty McAllister walks into his squad room and declares she knows who the Angel Fall’s Strangler is because she met him at the mall, Max labels her a whacko. When the strangler leaves a message on Misty’s doorstep in the form of a dead body he labels her a suspect, but Misty insists it’s a warning. Now she’s in a race for her life and only man who can help her, is the one who doesn’t believe her.
Best Regards,
Aimlesswriter
Query - Between Light and Dark
Dear ,
Per your request, I am submitting Between Light and Dark for your consideration.
Fynn, all of twelve years old, is terrorized by an evil menace that he doesn't understand and doesn't know how to confront. His father, Sir Trent, a well respected knight at the local barracks, is kidnapped. Shortly afterward, his childhood dream to become a knight is shattered when the mages' guild discovers latent magical ability in him. Unknown to Fynn, he has been blessed (or cursed as he sometimes feels) by the gods to save humanity from a long forgotten enemy. During his test to become a mage he sees a vision of his father and unlocks magical abilities previously dormant. Confused and believing that he is fighting against his father's captors, he uses his unbridled power to strike down his mentors.
Consumed by guilt and shame, Fynn is in a race to rescue his father and to learn how to control the immense power bestowed on him; the survival of Terreste depends on it. Between Light and Dark, the first book of a trilogy, is a 165,000 word fantasy novel that will grab your attention from the opening chapter and leave you longing for more at its end.
I have been published on-line by Stories That Lift - http://www.storiesthatlift.com/index.php/action-adventure/of-maps-and-friends.html
and I received an Honorable Mention in the 74th Annual Writers’ Digest Writing Competition.
If you would like to follow Fynn’s journey from youth to manhood, I would be pleased send a detailed synopsis, sample chapters, or the entire manuscript. I appreciate your time and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Dan Olsen
Per your request, I am submitting Between Light and Dark for your consideration.
Fynn, all of twelve years old, is terrorized by an evil menace that he doesn't understand and doesn't know how to confront. His father, Sir Trent, a well respected knight at the local barracks, is kidnapped. Shortly afterward, his childhood dream to become a knight is shattered when the mages' guild discovers latent magical ability in him. Unknown to Fynn, he has been blessed (or cursed as he sometimes feels) by the gods to save humanity from a long forgotten enemy. During his test to become a mage he sees a vision of his father and unlocks magical abilities previously dormant. Confused and believing that he is fighting against his father's captors, he uses his unbridled power to strike down his mentors.
Consumed by guilt and shame, Fynn is in a race to rescue his father and to learn how to control the immense power bestowed on him; the survival of Terreste depends on it. Between Light and Dark, the first book of a trilogy, is a 165,000 word fantasy novel that will grab your attention from the opening chapter and leave you longing for more at its end.
I have been published on-line by Stories That Lift - http://www.storiesthatlift.com/index.php/action-adventure/of-maps-and-friends.html
and I received an Honorable Mention in the 74th Annual Writers’ Digest Writing Competition.
If you would like to follow Fynn’s journey from youth to manhood, I would be pleased send a detailed synopsis, sample chapters, or the entire manuscript. I appreciate your time and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Dan Olsen
Jan 22, 2010
QUERY - WHERE THE DOVES FLY - YA
Dear Ms./Mr. X,
When 17-year-old artist Anna Sokolowska learns the Communist regime in Poland may implement martial law, she chooses to escape to Berlin—unwilling to let the government stifle her artistic voice, eager to use her anti-Communist paintings as a tool for change. What Anna fails to consider before leaving is that her abused mother and young brother need her more than she thinks they do.
A year in Berlin forces Anna to face the borderless nature of government corruption as she struggles to balance the harsh reality of poverty in the 1980’s with a passion for art and the Polish Solidarity movement.
WHERE THE DOVES FLY is a literary YA at approximately 76,000 words.
My articles and short stories have been featured in New Moon, Teen Ink, Alive, multiple e-zines, and two Creative Communications anthologies. Last year I received a YoungArts 2010 Merit Award (top 5%) and interned with [an editor; redacted]; now I intern with [an agent; redacted].
I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to query you—someone I admire for Y.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Moi
When 17-year-old artist Anna Sokolowska learns the Communist regime in Poland may implement martial law, she chooses to escape to Berlin—unwilling to let the government stifle her artistic voice, eager to use her anti-Communist paintings as a tool for change. What Anna fails to consider before leaving is that her abused mother and young brother need her more than she thinks they do.
A year in Berlin forces Anna to face the borderless nature of government corruption as she struggles to balance the harsh reality of poverty in the 1980’s with a passion for art and the Polish Solidarity movement.
WHERE THE DOVES FLY is a literary YA at approximately 76,000 words.
My articles and short stories have been featured in New Moon, Teen Ink, Alive, multiple e-zines, and two Creative Communications anthologies. Last year I received a YoungArts 2010 Merit Award (top 5%) and interned with [an editor; redacted]; now I intern with [an agent; redacted].
I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to query you—someone I admire for Y.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Moi
Jan 19, 2010
DESOLATION Revision #1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Secret Agent Man:
I believe you would be interested in my YA urban fantasy DESOLATION, complete at 84,000 words.
It’s time for the devil’s daughter to join the family business of ruining lives and stealing souls, but sixteen-year-old Desolation Black wants to be good.
Desi knows she’s part demon, but what she doesn’t know is that she’s also part angel. Raised by the Prince of Lies, she can’t imagine being anything other than what he demands. So when Desi’s caught in a power struggle for the throne of the Underworld, she makes a choice she thinks will free her from her demonic destiny—only to discover every good act ends in the very death and destruction she hoped to avoid.
With gifts and abilities yet undiscovered, Desi will never be a normal teenage girl. But she can be good—at a cost. With the help of angel and love-of-her-heart Michael, Lost Soul James, and good-girl Miri, Desi will fight the demons of hell and her own father for freedom of all people--including the right to choose for herself the kind of person she will be.
DESOLATION is a fast-paced story that mingles the edginess of Wicked Lovely and the vision of Hush, Hush to create it’s own dark love story at the end of the world.
If you would like to consider DESOLATION, I’ll happily forward the complete manuscript to you at your request. An outline for a potential sequel is also available.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ali Cross
ali@alicross.com
Dear Secret Agent Man:
I believe you would be interested in my YA urban fantasy DESOLATION, complete at 84,000 words.
It’s time for the devil’s daughter to join the family business of ruining lives and stealing souls, but sixteen-year-old Desolation Black wants to be good.
Desi knows she’s part demon, but what she doesn’t know is that she’s also part angel. Raised by the Prince of Lies, she can’t imagine being anything other than what he demands. So when Desi’s caught in a power struggle for the throne of the Underworld, she makes a choice she thinks will free her from her demonic destiny—only to discover every good act ends in the very death and destruction she hoped to avoid.
With gifts and abilities yet undiscovered, Desi will never be a normal teenage girl. But she can be good—at a cost. With the help of angel and love-of-her-heart Michael, Lost Soul James, and good-girl Miri, Desi will fight the demons of hell and her own father for freedom of all people--including the right to choose for herself the kind of person she will be.
DESOLATION is a fast-paced story that mingles the edginess of Wicked Lovely and the vision of Hush, Hush to create it’s own dark love story at the end of the world.
If you would like to consider DESOLATION, I’ll happily forward the complete manuscript to you at your request. An outline for a potential sequel is also available.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ali Cross
ali@alicross.com
QUERY: THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS - Second Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent.
November 28th, 2012. As the Mayan Calendar draws to an end, the world is plunged into a global frenzy when news of an entity heading towards the planet is leaked. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to abruptly fail, triggering fears of an impending attack. In the ensuing chaos, The Continuity of Government Plan is implemented removing the President and his Cabinet from DC.
Howard Andersen, a political appointee, noted for his ability to “influence” policy, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA - most other senior members are presumed dead. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who wants him out. Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are indeed linked to the approach of the craft.
The ship lands on Mars beside a mountain that eerily resembles a human face. Religious beliefs vie against military dogma. Is this a divine sign or the staging post for an invasion? Howard gambles that it is an invasion, and unconventional action by him prevents the military coalition formed to defend the planet from fracturing. But, it also gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him.
Back on the outside, Howard watches helplessly as an Al Qaeda detonates a bomb in Las Vegas, pulling everyone’s attention from the skies and back to earth. It prompts a severe response that swiftly pushes the planet towards nuclear warfare. To save lives, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent.
November 28th, 2012. As the Mayan Calendar draws to an end, the world is plunged into a global frenzy when news of an entity heading towards the planet is leaked. Mechanical equipment and technology begin to abruptly fail, triggering fears of an impending attack. In the ensuing chaos, The Continuity of Government Plan is implemented removing the President and his Cabinet from DC.
Howard Andersen, a political appointee, noted for his ability to “influence” policy, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA - most other senior members are presumed dead. He faces contempt and hostility from his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who wants him out. Howard’s investigations swiftly allow him to conclude that the disasters affecting the planet are indeed linked to the approach of the craft.
The ship lands on Mars beside a mountain that eerily resembles a human face. Religious beliefs vie against military dogma. Is this a divine sign or the staging post for an invasion? Howard gambles that it is an invasion, and unconventional action by him prevents the military coalition formed to defend the planet from fracturing. But, it also gives his boss the leverage needed to oust him.
Back on the outside, Howard watches helplessly as an Al Qaeda detonates a bomb in Las Vegas, pulling everyone’s attention from the skies and back to earth. It prompts a severe response that swiftly pushes the planet towards nuclear warfare. To save lives, Howard will have to release the cynicism and bitterness within and embrace the good that is hidden deep within his soul.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Query- The Butterfly Key
Dear Agent,
I am respectfully seeking your representation for my novel, THE BUTTERFLY KEY, a 72,000-word work of literary fiction set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota.
Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions, Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and his so-called providence, and regrettably, the people who love her the most – her husband and three daughters – are caught in the crossfire.
Upon reaching her breaking point on Christmas Eve, Nicole is losing her battle. With her soul fractured like a broken pane of glass, she is unable to stop the brutal despair seeping in through the cracks. Moreover, her seemingly indelible faith is at risk of erosion.
Determined to mend the shards of his wife’s shattered soul, Nicole’s husband, Drew, gathers the family together around the Christmas tree. Guided by something he could only consider extraordinary, Drew narrates to his wife and children the emotional tale of a young couple who promise each other a family, but find themselves struggling amidst the providence of God.
This is their heartrending story.
Christian Bryson is no stranger to tragedy. His mother died shortly after childbirth, his father is losing his battle to cancer. Therefore, when Abigail, his wife, discovers she is pregnant, she decides to keep it a secret from him.
Why? Because Abigail is trying to protect Christian as he deploys for war.
Unfortunately, when another terrible tragedy befalls Christian, the consequence of Abigail not telling him about her pregnancy threatens to devastate their marriage. Now Abigail must grapple with the stark realization that her husband may never come home.
When Drew finishes his story, he is still unsure if Nicole can find it in her heart to forgive God. That is until a special gift under the Christmas tree changes everything.
Regards,
XXX
I am respectfully seeking your representation for my novel, THE BUTTERFLY KEY, a 72,000-word work of literary fiction set within the small town of Columbus, Minnesota.
Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions, Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and his so-called providence, and regrettably, the people who love her the most – her husband and three daughters – are caught in the crossfire.
Upon reaching her breaking point on Christmas Eve, Nicole is losing her battle. With her soul fractured like a broken pane of glass, she is unable to stop the brutal despair seeping in through the cracks. Moreover, her seemingly indelible faith is at risk of erosion.
Determined to mend the shards of his wife’s shattered soul, Nicole’s husband, Drew, gathers the family together around the Christmas tree. Guided by something he could only consider extraordinary, Drew narrates to his wife and children the emotional tale of a young couple who promise each other a family, but find themselves struggling amidst the providence of God.
This is their heartrending story.
Christian Bryson is no stranger to tragedy. His mother died shortly after childbirth, his father is losing his battle to cancer. Therefore, when Abigail, his wife, discovers she is pregnant, she decides to keep it a secret from him.
Why? Because Abigail is trying to protect Christian as he deploys for war.
Unfortunately, when another terrible tragedy befalls Christian, the consequence of Abigail not telling him about her pregnancy threatens to devastate their marriage. Now Abigail must grapple with the stark realization that her husband may never come home.
When Drew finishes his story, he is still unsure if Nicole can find it in her heart to forgive God. That is until a special gift under the Christmas tree changes everything.
Regards,
XXX
Jan 18, 2010
QUERY - NEAR EDGWARE (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent
I have recently completed my 72,200-word YA paranormal romance entitled Near Edgware, and I hope you might consider representing me. My writing lulls with school and woodland settings and bites like a Kelley Armstrong.
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, has a lot in common with Caleb Ridgeway: the athletic skills, unusual senses and the feeling of being something different - a little apart from their peers. If her parents had told Jess their family secrets she might have understood why she is attracted to the boy who cannot let anyone see the other side of him.
Jess does not understand why Caleb fights to keep her at a distance when their classes, common interests and the almost addictive attraction makes being away from him unbearable. After spending time together Caleb's scent lingers on Jess' clothes, this brings out the worst kind of wolves still living in England. The sight of Caleb, and his protectors at work, is the solution to the puzzle she has been piecing together. Jess finds the reality hard to accept, but she realises she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
Jess risks her life, and her humanity, to reach a traumatised Caleb after the pack is attacked. Only she can guide him back with her love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I am a teacher with the usual English qualifications and a less usual counselling one.
Thank you for your time,
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent
I have recently completed my 72,200-word YA paranormal romance entitled Near Edgware, and I hope you might consider representing me. My writing lulls with school and woodland settings and bites like a Kelley Armstrong.
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, has a lot in common with Caleb Ridgeway: the athletic skills, unusual senses and the feeling of being something different - a little apart from their peers. If her parents had told Jess their family secrets she might have understood why she is attracted to the boy who cannot let anyone see the other side of him.
Jess does not understand why Caleb fights to keep her at a distance when their classes, common interests and the almost addictive attraction makes being away from him unbearable. After spending time together Caleb's scent lingers on Jess' clothes, this brings out the worst kind of wolves still living in England. The sight of Caleb, and his protectors at work, is the solution to the puzzle she has been piecing together. Jess finds the reality hard to accept, but she realises she loves someone who is neither human nor wolf - he is Were.
Jess risks her life, and her humanity, to reach a traumatised Caleb after the pack is attacked. Only she can guide him back with her love.
This book can stand alone but it has series potential.
I am a teacher with the usual English qualifications and a less usual counselling one.
Thank you for your time,
Query -- Masquerade (Second Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Business Letter Format
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for the STEWARD AND MISS HIGGINS, a single title Regency Romance complete at 98,000 words.
An outrageously beautiful, yet painfully shy Duke’s daughter must play at a dangerous game of masquerade to outsmart a villain trying to destroy her family.
When William Smith, the Earl of Westerly, agrees to do his cousin Robert a simple favor, keep an eye on an elderly relative and her companion, he doesn't realize what he's gotten himself into until it's too late. Upon his arrival at Wakefield, Quiggins, the trusted butler reveals, “…things are not what they appear to be.”
William, a confirmed bachelor, has only one passion, horses, until he meets the mysterious Miss Penny Higgins whose sweet, sunny smile and unfathomable intellect are in direct contrast to her dowdy clothes and recurring stutter. The Duchess of Caymore, his aunt’s cousin, is a wry old bird who keeps a strict eye on her companion and William means to find out why using his charm and affable nature but no one is talking. It’s obvious the ladies are in trouble, they are in hiding, and now it appears he will also have to masquerade… as the steward.
As the weeks pass, William cannot help but fall in love with the quirky Penny and wants to marry her, even without knowing who she really is. Penny loses her heart but knows nothing will come of it – her father is determined to marry her off to someone of his choosing.
When Penny’s true identity and her reason for hiding are finally revealed to William, he immediately launches a campaign entrusting some unlikely friends to help catch the villains. Upon their return to London, a confounding chain of events finds Robert masquerading as Penny’s fiancé. Moreover, now that William knows who Penny really is, he is awed but undaunted. Despite Robert’s annoying role as Penny’s fake fiancé, her father’s threats to marry her off to a duke, and the Duchess of Caymore’s machinations to keep Robert and Penny together, William is determined to marry Penny, but first he has to find the blackguard who threatens her.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Business Letter Format
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for the STEWARD AND MISS HIGGINS, a single title Regency Romance complete at 98,000 words.
An outrageously beautiful, yet painfully shy Duke’s daughter must play at a dangerous game of masquerade to outsmart a villain trying to destroy her family.
When William Smith, the Earl of Westerly, agrees to do his cousin Robert a simple favor, keep an eye on an elderly relative and her companion, he doesn't realize what he's gotten himself into until it's too late. Upon his arrival at Wakefield, Quiggins, the trusted butler reveals, “…things are not what they appear to be.”
William, a confirmed bachelor, has only one passion, horses, until he meets the mysterious Miss Penny Higgins whose sweet, sunny smile and unfathomable intellect are in direct contrast to her dowdy clothes and recurring stutter. The Duchess of Caymore, his aunt’s cousin, is a wry old bird who keeps a strict eye on her companion and William means to find out why using his charm and affable nature but no one is talking. It’s obvious the ladies are in trouble, they are in hiding, and now it appears he will also have to masquerade… as the steward.
As the weeks pass, William cannot help but fall in love with the quirky Penny and wants to marry her, even without knowing who she really is. Penny loses her heart but knows nothing will come of it – her father is determined to marry her off to someone of his choosing.
When Penny’s true identity and her reason for hiding are finally revealed to William, he immediately launches a campaign entrusting some unlikely friends to help catch the villains. Upon their return to London, a confounding chain of events finds Robert masquerading as Penny’s fiancé. Moreover, now that William knows who Penny really is, he is awed but undaunted. Despite Robert’s annoying role as Penny’s fake fiancé, her father’s threats to marry her off to a duke, and the Duchess of Caymore’s machinations to keep Robert and Penny together, William is determined to marry Penny, but first he has to find the blackguard who threatens her.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
New Critique Exchange Blog
Attention writers and readers:
If you are looking for critique partners for your manuscript, or if you are available to critique the works of others, check out this new blog, launching today:
critXchange
The goal for the critXchange is for writers to post a short description of their book, similar to a query, but instead of querying agents it is a solicitation for other writers and readers to provide feedback on the manuscript.
The critXchange blog is just a meeting place...the actual exchange if manuscripts and feedback will be direct between the writers and critiquers. The submission process is similar to submitting here at the Slushpile. Could be because I started both blogs and it worked fine here. Or that I am lazy and didn't want to think up something new. Take your pick, I won't be offended.
Like The Public Query Slushpile, the success of critXchange will hinge on the participation of wonderful people like you. Feedback on the concept and ways to make it better is welcome. Wander over there when you have a chance. Right now there's only one request posted, but I know there are more manuscripts in need of critique...
If you are looking for critique partners for your manuscript, or if you are available to critique the works of others, check out this new blog, launching today:
critXchange
The goal for the critXchange is for writers to post a short description of their book, similar to a query, but instead of querying agents it is a solicitation for other writers and readers to provide feedback on the manuscript.
The critXchange blog is just a meeting place...the actual exchange if manuscripts and feedback will be direct between the writers and critiquers. The submission process is similar to submitting here at the Slushpile. Could be because I started both blogs and it worked fine here. Or that I am lazy and didn't want to think up something new. Take your pick, I won't be offended.
Like The Public Query Slushpile, the success of critXchange will hinge on the participation of wonderful people like you. Feedback on the concept and ways to make it better is welcome. Wander over there when you have a chance. Right now there's only one request posted, but I know there are more manuscripts in need of critique...
Query -- Masquerade (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Business Letter Format
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation at this time for The Steward and Miss Higgins, a single title Regency Romance complete at 99,000 words.
Bored with his staid life, William Smith, the Earl of Westerly agrees to do his cousin Robert a favor; remove to Wakefield to keep an eye on an elderly cousin and her traveling companion. He is more than surprised upon his arrival when Quiggins, the trusted butler reveals, “…things are not what they appear to be.”
William, a confirmed bachelor, has only one passion, horses, until he meets the mysterious Miss Penelope Higgins whose sweet, sunny smile and unfathomable intellect is in direct contrast to her dowdy clothes and recurring stutter. He discerns she is not the person she is pretending to be. The Duchess of Caymore is a meddlesome old bird, who keeps a strict eye on Penny, and William means to find out why but no one is talking. It is obvious the Ladies are in trouble, they are in hiding, and now it appears he will also have to masquerade…as the steward.
When Penny’s true identity (she is the Duke of Olmstead’s incomparable daughter) and her reason for hiding (someone has tried to kill her father and now the fiend has turned his sights on her) are finally revealed to William, he entrusts some unlikely friends to devise a plan to bring the villains to justice. Upon their return to London, a comedic chain of events finds Robert masquerading as Penny’s fiancé. Moreover, now that William knows who Penny really is, he is awed but undaunted. Despite Robert’s annoying role as Penny’s fake fiancé, her father’s threats to marry her off to a duke, and the Duchess of Caymore’s machinations to keep Robert and Penny together, William is determined to marry Penny, but first he has to find the blackguard who threatens her.
I would be delighted to send you the synopsis and first three chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.
Business Letter Format
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation at this time for The Steward and Miss Higgins, a single title Regency Romance complete at 99,000 words.
Bored with his staid life, William Smith, the Earl of Westerly agrees to do his cousin Robert a favor; remove to Wakefield to keep an eye on an elderly cousin and her traveling companion. He is more than surprised upon his arrival when Quiggins, the trusted butler reveals, “…things are not what they appear to be.”
William, a confirmed bachelor, has only one passion, horses, until he meets the mysterious Miss Penelope Higgins whose sweet, sunny smile and unfathomable intellect is in direct contrast to her dowdy clothes and recurring stutter. He discerns she is not the person she is pretending to be. The Duchess of Caymore is a meddlesome old bird, who keeps a strict eye on Penny, and William means to find out why but no one is talking. It is obvious the Ladies are in trouble, they are in hiding, and now it appears he will also have to masquerade…as the steward.
When Penny’s true identity (she is the Duke of Olmstead’s incomparable daughter) and her reason for hiding (someone has tried to kill her father and now the fiend has turned his sights on her) are finally revealed to William, he entrusts some unlikely friends to devise a plan to bring the villains to justice. Upon their return to London, a comedic chain of events finds Robert masquerading as Penny’s fiancé. Moreover, now that William knows who Penny really is, he is awed but undaunted. Despite Robert’s annoying role as Penny’s fake fiancé, her father’s threats to marry her off to a duke, and the Duchess of Caymore’s machinations to keep Robert and Penny together, William is determined to marry Penny, but first he has to find the blackguard who threatens her.
I would be delighted to send you the synopsis and first three chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.
Jan 17, 2010
QUERY: THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS - First Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent.
December 6, 2012. As the Mayan calendar draws to its end, the world is plunged into a global frenzy when news of an entity heading toward earth is leaked. An American led coalition to defend the planet is created when mechanical equipment and technology begin to abruptly fail, triggering fears of an imminent attack.
Howard Andersen, a political appointee, who is noted for his ability to “influence” policy, is unexpectedly appointed Director of FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is implemented. A political enforcer, Howard is faced with contempt and hostility by his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who wants him out.
The craft disappears as it nears the Solar System and the coalition begins to fracture. A challenge is made by countries who are skeptical of the unfolding events and feel threatened. They dispute the assertions of an alien presence and demand proof. When none is forthcoming they accuse the United States of fear mongering and crimes against humanity.
Howard is thrust into a chaotic world where religious beliefs vie against military dogma when the ship is discovered on Mars beside a mountain that eerily resembles a human face. As the planet marches towards nuclear warfare it falls to him to discern what is the truth. Is this a divine sign or staging post for an invasion?
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thanks for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Dear Agent.
December 6, 2012. As the Mayan calendar draws to its end, the world is plunged into a global frenzy when news of an entity heading toward earth is leaked. An American led coalition to defend the planet is created when mechanical equipment and technology begin to abruptly fail, triggering fears of an imminent attack.
Howard Andersen, a political appointee, who is noted for his ability to “influence” policy, is unexpectedly appointed Director of FEMA when the Continuity of Government Plan is implemented. A political enforcer, Howard is faced with contempt and hostility by his boss, the Homeland Security Secretary who wants him out.
The craft disappears as it nears the Solar System and the coalition begins to fracture. A challenge is made by countries who are skeptical of the unfolding events and feel threatened. They dispute the assertions of an alien presence and demand proof. When none is forthcoming they accuse the United States of fear mongering and crimes against humanity.
Howard is thrust into a chaotic world where religious beliefs vie against military dogma when the ship is discovered on Mars beside a mountain that eerily resembles a human face. As the planet marches towards nuclear warfare it falls to him to discern what is the truth. Is this a divine sign or staging post for an invasion?
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 115,000 words. Thanks for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Query -- Masquerade Romance
Business letter format
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation at this time for Masquerade, a single title Regency Romance complete at 99,081 words.
When the Earl of Westerly agrees to do his cousin a favor, he is more than surprised upon his arrival at Wakefield. Mr. Quiggins, the trusted butler reveals, “…things are not what they appear to be.”
William Smith, the Earl of Westerly, has only one passion, horses, until he meets the mysterious Miss Penelope Higgins whose sweet, sunny smile makes his heart skip a beat. He knows she is not the person she is pretending to be. The Duchess of Caymore, is a meddlesome old bird who keeps a strict eye on Penny and William means to find out why but no one is talking. He knows the Ladies are in trouble, they are in hiding, and now it appears he will also have to masquerade…as the steward.
When Penny’s’ true identity and her reason for hiding is finally revealed to William, he entrusts some unlikely friends to devise a plan to bring the villains to justice. Upon their return to London, a comedic chain of events finds Robert, William’s cousin, masquerading as Penny’s fiancé. Moreover, now that William knows who Penny really is, he is awed but undaunted. Despite Robert’s annoying role as Penny’s fake fiancé, her father’s threats to marry her off to a duke, and the Duchess of Caymore’s machinations to keep Robert and Penny together, William is determined to marry Penny, even if he has to give up her enormous dowry to do it.
I would be delighted to send you the synopsis and first three chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.
Sincerely,
Me
My contact info
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation at this time for Masquerade, a single title Regency Romance complete at 99,081 words.
When the Earl of Westerly agrees to do his cousin a favor, he is more than surprised upon his arrival at Wakefield. Mr. Quiggins, the trusted butler reveals, “…things are not what they appear to be.”
William Smith, the Earl of Westerly, has only one passion, horses, until he meets the mysterious Miss Penelope Higgins whose sweet, sunny smile makes his heart skip a beat. He knows she is not the person she is pretending to be. The Duchess of Caymore, is a meddlesome old bird who keeps a strict eye on Penny and William means to find out why but no one is talking. He knows the Ladies are in trouble, they are in hiding, and now it appears he will also have to masquerade…as the steward.
When Penny’s’ true identity and her reason for hiding is finally revealed to William, he entrusts some unlikely friends to devise a plan to bring the villains to justice. Upon their return to London, a comedic chain of events finds Robert, William’s cousin, masquerading as Penny’s fiancé. Moreover, now that William knows who Penny really is, he is awed but undaunted. Despite Robert’s annoying role as Penny’s fake fiancé, her father’s threats to marry her off to a duke, and the Duchess of Caymore’s machinations to keep Robert and Penny together, William is determined to marry Penny, even if he has to give up her enormous dowry to do it.
I would be delighted to send you the synopsis and first three chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.
Sincerely,
Me
My contact info
Query: OUT OF TIME (3rd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
OUT OF TIME tells the story of Drew Evans, a police officer in one of St. Paul's worst gang-infested precincts who recovers a device that allows him to travel through time. Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew makes the decision to use the device to travel back to visit his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, who died when Drew was young. He visits his father in 1947 Chicago just as his father is getting his big break at the new Jazz Ltd nightclub.
Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when Drew interferes with a robbery, it causes the Chicago mob to have a newfound interest in the club.
Now, caught in the middle and facing near insurmountable odds, Drew chooses to bring his by-the-book partner back to help. Drew must use their experience with combating gangs to force the Chicago mob away from the club and save his father’s future—while risking the opportunity to re-connect with his father.
OUT OF TIME—complete at 75,000 words—is an adventure novel infused with humor and action that will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton’s TMELINE and Clive Cussler’s SAHARA.
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
OUT OF TIME tells the story of Drew Evans, a police officer in one of St. Paul's worst gang-infested precincts who recovers a device that allows him to travel through time. Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew makes the decision to use the device to travel back to visit his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, who died when Drew was young. He visits his father in 1947 Chicago just as his father is getting his big break at the new Jazz Ltd nightclub.
Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when Drew interferes with a robbery, it causes the Chicago mob to have a newfound interest in the club.
Now, caught in the middle and facing near insurmountable odds, Drew chooses to bring his by-the-book partner back to help. Drew must use their experience with combating gangs to force the Chicago mob away from the club and save his father’s future—while risking the opportunity to re-connect with his father.
OUT OF TIME—complete at 75,000 words—is an adventure novel infused with humor and action that will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton’s TMELINE and Clive Cussler’s SAHARA.
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
Jan 16, 2010
QUERY: THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS
Dear [AGENT],
Howard, a thug who wears nice suits, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA. His first task is to find out why every plane fell from the sky (taking out the upper hierarchy of the organization). Known as brawn and an enforcer, Howard is faced with contempt and hostility as he tries to find his footing within the political corridors of power. As he scrambles to solve the mystery, he discovers an entity travelling towards the planet.
News of this approach is leaked to a nervous public, sparking a global frenzy. Religious zealots interpret it as the Second Coming of Christ. Amid a groundswell of theories and speculation, Bradley, a preacher who is grappling with his own issues of faith, is thrust into the spotlight and unwittingly becomes a religious icon.
Believing the approaching entity to be hostile, the President instigates a coalition to defend the planet. However, skeptical of the unfolding events and feeling threatened, a League of Thirty-Seven Nations is formed. They dispute the assertions of an alien entity and demand proof, all the while insisting that a plot to destabilize their governments was being executed.
As it nears the Solar System, the entity disappears. The coalition begins to fracture while the League threatens to respond to what it perceives as unnecessary American aggression. It is up to Howard to find proof in order to save the coalition and Bradley to rally the planet to face the unknown.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 110,000 words. I have never been published before, but being an eternal optimist I have already started research on a sequel. I look forward to hearing from you and hope that this initial contact will be the beginning of a long and beneficial association.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Howard, a thug who wears nice suits, is unexpectedly appointed to head FEMA. His first task is to find out why every plane fell from the sky (taking out the upper hierarchy of the organization). Known as brawn and an enforcer, Howard is faced with contempt and hostility as he tries to find his footing within the political corridors of power. As he scrambles to solve the mystery, he discovers an entity travelling towards the planet.
News of this approach is leaked to a nervous public, sparking a global frenzy. Religious zealots interpret it as the Second Coming of Christ. Amid a groundswell of theories and speculation, Bradley, a preacher who is grappling with his own issues of faith, is thrust into the spotlight and unwittingly becomes a religious icon.
Believing the approaching entity to be hostile, the President instigates a coalition to defend the planet. However, skeptical of the unfolding events and feeling threatened, a League of Thirty-Seven Nations is formed. They dispute the assertions of an alien entity and demand proof, all the while insisting that a plot to destabilize their governments was being executed.
As it nears the Solar System, the entity disappears. The coalition begins to fracture while the League threatens to respond to what it perceives as unnecessary American aggression. It is up to Howard to find proof in order to save the coalition and Bradley to rally the planet to face the unknown.
THESE ARE THE END OF DAYS is a completed manuscript of 110,000 words. I have never been published before, but being an eternal optimist I have already started research on a sequel. I look forward to hearing from you and hope that this initial contact will be the beginning of a long and beneficial association.
Sincerely
Lenworth Wesley
Jan 15, 2010
QUERY: A STORM HITS VALPARAISO
Dear [AGENT],
I am writing to you because you represented [TITLE] by [AUTHOR], and I feel A STORM HITS VALPARAISO, at 100,000 words, may suit your list.
In 1822, after twelve years of a brutal war, Spain was on the verge of losing her empire. The two greatest figures in South American history, José de San MartÃn and Simón BolÃvar, met for the first and last time to discuss the conclusion of the conflict. They spoke alone, and no historical record was made of their meeting, where San MartÃn resigned to become an anonymous farmer in France. This tale of life, love and loss follows San MartÃn and his rag-tag army of Indians, freed slaves and ex-convicts until the dramatic meeting with Bolivar. For two hundred years San MartÃn's motives for stepping aside have remained a mystery. Until now.
This is my first novel, written and researched over two years in Peru and Argentina. Thank you for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
David Gaughran
www.davidgaughran.com
I am writing to you because you represented [TITLE] by [AUTHOR], and I feel A STORM HITS VALPARAISO, at 100,000 words, may suit your list.
In 1822, after twelve years of a brutal war, Spain was on the verge of losing her empire. The two greatest figures in South American history, José de San MartÃn and Simón BolÃvar, met for the first and last time to discuss the conclusion of the conflict. They spoke alone, and no historical record was made of their meeting, where San MartÃn resigned to become an anonymous farmer in France. This tale of life, love and loss follows San MartÃn and his rag-tag army of Indians, freed slaves and ex-convicts until the dramatic meeting with Bolivar. For two hundred years San MartÃn's motives for stepping aside have remained a mystery. Until now.
This is my first novel, written and researched over two years in Peru and Argentina. Thank you for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
David Gaughran
www.davidgaughran.com
QUERY- THE DEVIL YOU DON'T KNOW
Dear [agent],
Burned-out newspaper editor Michael Reed reluctantly takes a call from a disgraced former nun that changes his life forever. The desperate woman’s request that he meet her son sets Michael on a quest to determine the true identity of fifteen-year-old Jordan Crane. Is the kid Jesus Christ in the flesh? A fraud? Or is he something far worse?
Within hours of the call, Michael’s life inexplicably falls apart. He loses his job and eighteen years of sobriety. Two days later, his eight-year-old son is killed on the highway in front of his home. Within seconds, Jordan Crane mysteriously arrives on the scene and places his hands on the child’s body. When the dead boy opens his eyes, Michael finds himself face to face with the unthinkable.
Fearing for his very sanity, Michael must choose between believing what his heart tells him is true and what his mind says is madness. As a journalist, Michael has valued truth over all else. But what if the truth leads not only to his own death, but the death of everything he holds dear?
My first novel, THE DEVIL YOU DON’T KNOW is a mainstream thriller complete at 113,000 words.
As a career journalist, I received several national, regional and state awards for writing and reporting. My newspaper, the Peoria Journal Star, submitted my work to the Heywood Broun Award and the Pulitzer Prize committees.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Terry Towery
[contact info]
Burned-out newspaper editor Michael Reed reluctantly takes a call from a disgraced former nun that changes his life forever. The desperate woman’s request that he meet her son sets Michael on a quest to determine the true identity of fifteen-year-old Jordan Crane. Is the kid Jesus Christ in the flesh? A fraud? Or is he something far worse?
Within hours of the call, Michael’s life inexplicably falls apart. He loses his job and eighteen years of sobriety. Two days later, his eight-year-old son is killed on the highway in front of his home. Within seconds, Jordan Crane mysteriously arrives on the scene and places his hands on the child’s body. When the dead boy opens his eyes, Michael finds himself face to face with the unthinkable.
Fearing for his very sanity, Michael must choose between believing what his heart tells him is true and what his mind says is madness. As a journalist, Michael has valued truth over all else. But what if the truth leads not only to his own death, but the death of everything he holds dear?
My first novel, THE DEVIL YOU DON’T KNOW is a mainstream thriller complete at 113,000 words.
As a career journalist, I received several national, regional and state awards for writing and reporting. My newspaper, the Peoria Journal Star, submitted my work to the Heywood Broun Award and the Pulitzer Prize committees.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Terry Towery
[contact info]
Jan 14, 2010
Query: Out of Time (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Out of Time tells the story of Drew Evans, a police officer in one of St. Paul's worst gang-infested precincts that recovers a device that allows him to travel through time. Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew learns to control the device and travels back to visit his father, renowned musician Doc Evans. Drew chooses to visit his father in 1947 Chicago just as his father is getting his big break leading the band at the new Jazz Ltd nightclub. Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when Drew interferes with a robbery, it causes the Chicago mob to have a newfound interest in the club. Now, caught in the middle, Drew must use his experience with combating gangs to force the Chicago mob away from the club to save his father’s future—while risking the opportunity to connect with his father.
OUT OF TIME, an adventure novel complete at 75,000 words, will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton’s Tmeline and Clive Cussler’s Sahara.
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
Click here to read the first revision.
Out of Time tells the story of Drew Evans, a police officer in one of St. Paul's worst gang-infested precincts that recovers a device that allows him to travel through time. Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew learns to control the device and travels back to visit his father, renowned musician Doc Evans. Drew chooses to visit his father in 1947 Chicago just as his father is getting his big break leading the band at the new Jazz Ltd nightclub. Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when Drew interferes with a robbery, it causes the Chicago mob to have a newfound interest in the club. Now, caught in the middle, Drew must use his experience with combating gangs to force the Chicago mob away from the club to save his father’s future—while risking the opportunity to connect with his father.
OUT OF TIME, an adventure novel complete at 75,000 words, will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton’s Tmeline and Clive Cussler’s Sahara.
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
Jan 13, 2010
Query- Blind Pig
Blind Pig
The unexpected discovery of a bag of money is just the beginning, as Alan tries to stay one step ahead of a drug dealer, the mob and NYPD. A crime story with a twist - suspense, romance and humor.
Accidentally stumbling onto a drug sale, Alan is forced to kill in self-defense. Fleeing with a satchel of 'appropriated' loot, he battles the drug kingpin who hopes to recoup his loss and the mobster who financed the deal.
All that might have been easy — except that his girl friend is the NYPD detective assigned to make sense of the case, which rather complicates the romance.
I grew up in Colorado and spent the 60s in Greenwich village and Little Italy. Familiarity with the West and friendships with various NYers, savory and otherwise, has allowed me to create authentic characters to populate genuine locales.
I greatly appreciate your time and consideration. The completed manuscript is available on request.
The unexpected discovery of a bag of money is just the beginning, as Alan tries to stay one step ahead of a drug dealer, the mob and NYPD. A crime story with a twist - suspense, romance and humor.
Accidentally stumbling onto a drug sale, Alan is forced to kill in self-defense. Fleeing with a satchel of 'appropriated' loot, he battles the drug kingpin who hopes to recoup his loss and the mobster who financed the deal.
All that might have been easy — except that his girl friend is the NYPD detective assigned to make sense of the case, which rather complicates the romance.
I grew up in Colorado and spent the 60s in Greenwich village and Little Italy. Familiarity with the West and friendships with various NYers, savory and otherwise, has allowed me to create authentic characters to populate genuine locales.
I greatly appreciate your time and consideration. The completed manuscript is available on request.
Query DESOLATION
Dear Secret Agent Man:
I believe you would be interested in my YA urban fantasy DESOLATION, complete at 84,000 words.
It’s time for the devil’s daughter to join the family business of ruining lives and stealing souls, but sixteen-year-old Desolation Black only wants to do good.
Desi knows she’s part demon, but what she doesn’t know is that she’s also part angel. Caught in a power struggle between her father, Luke Black, and his minions, Desi feels destined to bring death and destruction wherever she goes. Until angel and love-of-her-heart Michael shows up to help her remember who she really is.
Reginald Knowles, Luke’s right-hand-man, convinces Desi that she can make a grand gesture for good—a singular act only she can perform that will allow the Fallen Angels to be forgiven. Only after she reads from the Book of Life does Desi realize she’s been tricked and she’s just granted demons the right to possess the bodies of the children of God.
Desi will never be a normal teenage girl. But she can be good—at a cost. With Michael’s help, the balance between heaven and hell could be restored, but the price may be too high for Desi to pay.
DESOLATION is a fast-paced story that mingles the edginess of Wicked Lovely and the vision of Hush, Hush to create it’s own dark love story at the end of the world.
If you would like to consider DESOLATION, I’ll happily forward the complete manuscript to you at your request. An outline for a potential sequel is also available.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ali Cross
ali@alicross.com
PHONE NUMBER
I believe you would be interested in my YA urban fantasy DESOLATION, complete at 84,000 words.
It’s time for the devil’s daughter to join the family business of ruining lives and stealing souls, but sixteen-year-old Desolation Black only wants to do good.
Desi knows she’s part demon, but what she doesn’t know is that she’s also part angel. Caught in a power struggle between her father, Luke Black, and his minions, Desi feels destined to bring death and destruction wherever she goes. Until angel and love-of-her-heart Michael shows up to help her remember who she really is.
Reginald Knowles, Luke’s right-hand-man, convinces Desi that she can make a grand gesture for good—a singular act only she can perform that will allow the Fallen Angels to be forgiven. Only after she reads from the Book of Life does Desi realize she’s been tricked and she’s just granted demons the right to possess the bodies of the children of God.
Desi will never be a normal teenage girl. But she can be good—at a cost. With Michael’s help, the balance between heaven and hell could be restored, but the price may be too high for Desi to pay.
DESOLATION is a fast-paced story that mingles the edginess of Wicked Lovely and the vision of Hush, Hush to create it’s own dark love story at the end of the world.
If you would like to consider DESOLATION, I’ll happily forward the complete manuscript to you at your request. An outline for a potential sequel is also available.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ali Cross
ali@alicross.com
PHONE NUMBER
Query: Out of Time (1st revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Drew Evans, a police officer in one of St. Paul's worst gang-infested precincts, is working at the Republican National Convention when he finds himself drawn to a solitary man. Something about the man doesn’t look right. Watching him leave, he spots the glint of metal under the man’s seat, bringing a momentary vision of the Unibomber. No worries though, it’s only a cell phone that Drew pockets, planning to leave it with the lost & found.
Fighting with a burglary suspect the following week, the phone falls from his vest pocket. Recognizing it as the phone from the convention, Drew hits the re-dial button to track down the owner, when a wave of vertigo hits. When he’s able to stand, Drew find that he’s no longer leaning against his squad car; he’s in an alley. Noise draws him out of the alley; there are helicopters circling overhead and cops in full riot gear. It becomes clear that he’s back at the Republican National Convention—which ended a week ago. Stunned, Drew stares at the phone in his hand. Could he really have made a call bringing him to the past? Pressing the end button, the vertigo returns and he’s back leaning against his squad car.
Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew makes the decision to use the device to travel back to visit his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, who died during Drew’s teenage years. Drew chooses to visit his father in 1947 Chicago at a pivotal time of his father’s life when he becomes a star headlining the Jazz Ltd nightclub. Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when Drew interferes with a robbery, it causes the Chicago mob to have a newfound interest in the club. Now, caught in the middle, Drew must use his experience with combating gangs to force the Chicago mob away from the club to save his father’s future—while risking the opportunity to connect with his father.
OUT OF TIME, an adventure novel complete at 75,000 words, will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton and Clive Cussler. This is an adventure story that has time travel, but isn’t science fiction—in the same sort of way The Time Traveler’s Wife wasn’t a science fiction story. Think of it as Mike Hammer meets Chris Hughes (the main character of Timeline).
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
Drew Evans, a police officer in one of St. Paul's worst gang-infested precincts, is working at the Republican National Convention when he finds himself drawn to a solitary man. Something about the man doesn’t look right. Watching him leave, he spots the glint of metal under the man’s seat, bringing a momentary vision of the Unibomber. No worries though, it’s only a cell phone that Drew pockets, planning to leave it with the lost & found.
Fighting with a burglary suspect the following week, the phone falls from his vest pocket. Recognizing it as the phone from the convention, Drew hits the re-dial button to track down the owner, when a wave of vertigo hits. When he’s able to stand, Drew find that he’s no longer leaning against his squad car; he’s in an alley. Noise draws him out of the alley; there are helicopters circling overhead and cops in full riot gear. It becomes clear that he’s back at the Republican National Convention—which ended a week ago. Stunned, Drew stares at the phone in his hand. Could he really have made a call bringing him to the past? Pressing the end button, the vertigo returns and he’s back leaning against his squad car.
Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew makes the decision to use the device to travel back to visit his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, who died during Drew’s teenage years. Drew chooses to visit his father in 1947 Chicago at a pivotal time of his father’s life when he becomes a star headlining the Jazz Ltd nightclub. Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when Drew interferes with a robbery, it causes the Chicago mob to have a newfound interest in the club. Now, caught in the middle, Drew must use his experience with combating gangs to force the Chicago mob away from the club to save his father’s future—while risking the opportunity to connect with his father.
OUT OF TIME, an adventure novel complete at 75,000 words, will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton and Clive Cussler. This is an adventure story that has time travel, but isn’t science fiction—in the same sort of way The Time Traveler’s Wife wasn’t a science fiction story. Think of it as Mike Hammer meets Chris Hughes (the main character of Timeline).
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
QUERY- CEDARS
Cedars is a 70,000 word character-driven historical novel, in which a twelve-year-old girl has to cope with the loss of her mother and find her own future.
In Ohio and Colorado in the 1880s, Liza has to run her home and tend her younger siblings, then hire out to do the same for another widower's family. At 15, she sets out on her own for Colorado, discovering romance en route. At 16, she becomes a reporter, marries and starts a newspaper. Quite successful in whatever she does, she still feels unfulfilled and gives it all up to live alone in the wilderness. Befriended and taught by the local Indians, she learns how to survive on her own, prosper and eventually blossom into womanhood. Along the way, she rehabilitates a few broken people, helps the Indians deal with the white man's world and discovers who she is and how she has to live her life.
I grew up in Colorado, weaned on tales of hardship and survival, hardrock mining and cattle rustlers, self-sufficiency and courage. A lot of those tales were part of my family's history.
I greatly appreciate your time and consideration. The entire manuscript or portions thereof are available on request.
Sincerely yours,
The author
In Ohio and Colorado in the 1880s, Liza has to run her home and tend her younger siblings, then hire out to do the same for another widower's family. At 15, she sets out on her own for Colorado, discovering romance en route. At 16, she becomes a reporter, marries and starts a newspaper. Quite successful in whatever she does, she still feels unfulfilled and gives it all up to live alone in the wilderness. Befriended and taught by the local Indians, she learns how to survive on her own, prosper and eventually blossom into womanhood. Along the way, she rehabilitates a few broken people, helps the Indians deal with the white man's world and discovers who she is and how she has to live her life.
I grew up in Colorado, weaned on tales of hardship and survival, hardrock mining and cattle rustlers, self-sufficiency and courage. A lot of those tales were part of my family's history.
I greatly appreciate your time and consideration. The entire manuscript or portions thereof are available on request.
Sincerely yours,
The author
Jan 11, 2010
Query: OUT OF TIME
Drew Evans, a sarcastic cop in one of St. Paul's crime ridden neighborhoods, was working at the Republican National Convention (RNC) when … Let’s let him tell you what happened.
“I’ve been called a cold bitter man. Personally, I think I just drink too much lemonade. After dealing with the riots the night before, I needed to be inside or else I would shoot someone. I was working security inside the Excel Center, when I saw him. You know how it is, when you see someone that is a bit off, something about a person just doesn’t look right? I was drawn to him, and after some awkward conversation, he ambles off lost in the crowd. The glint of metal under his seat brings a momentary vision of the Unibomber. No worries, though, it’s only a cell phone. I stash it my vest, forgetting to leave it with the lost & found.
“The following week, I’m in a fight with a burglary suspect. We’re rolling on the ground, trading punches as my backup makes a welcome appearance. The suspect is being hauled off when another cop tosses me a cell phone, thinking it’s mine. I recognize it as the one from the convention last week. I hit the re-dial button to track down the owner, when a wave of vertigo hits me, doubling me over. When I can stand, I find that I’m no longer leaning against my squad car; I’m in an alley. Noise draws me out of the alley and I find myself joining a crowd moving along a city street. There are helicopters circling overhead and cops in full riot gear. Unbelievably, I am back at the RNC—which ended a week ago. I am absolutely stunned. Did I just make a call to the past? If this is a call, I want it to end. Pressing the end button, I find myself back leaning against my squad. I’m back right where—and when—I was before I fell down the rabbit hole. Curiouser and curiouser.”
Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew makes the decision to use the device to travel back to visit his father who died during Drew’s teenage years. It had been a difficult experience, so for Drew it was a no-brainer. Go back and see his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, right when he got his big break, headlining at the Jazz Ltd nightclub— in1947 Chicago. Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when the Chicago mob decides to have an interest in the club, Drew finds himself caught right in the middle.
Out of Time, my 75,000 word adventure novel, will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton. His novels have taught me that strong characters, tight plotting and page turning action are important ingredients to a successful novel. This is a time travel adventure that’s not a science fiction story.
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
“I’ve been called a cold bitter man. Personally, I think I just drink too much lemonade. After dealing with the riots the night before, I needed to be inside or else I would shoot someone. I was working security inside the Excel Center, when I saw him. You know how it is, when you see someone that is a bit off, something about a person just doesn’t look right? I was drawn to him, and after some awkward conversation, he ambles off lost in the crowd. The glint of metal under his seat brings a momentary vision of the Unibomber. No worries, though, it’s only a cell phone. I stash it my vest, forgetting to leave it with the lost & found.
“The following week, I’m in a fight with a burglary suspect. We’re rolling on the ground, trading punches as my backup makes a welcome appearance. The suspect is being hauled off when another cop tosses me a cell phone, thinking it’s mine. I recognize it as the one from the convention last week. I hit the re-dial button to track down the owner, when a wave of vertigo hits me, doubling me over. When I can stand, I find that I’m no longer leaning against my squad car; I’m in an alley. Noise draws me out of the alley and I find myself joining a crowd moving along a city street. There are helicopters circling overhead and cops in full riot gear. Unbelievably, I am back at the RNC—which ended a week ago. I am absolutely stunned. Did I just make a call to the past? If this is a call, I want it to end. Pressing the end button, I find myself back leaning against my squad. I’m back right where—and when—I was before I fell down the rabbit hole. Curiouser and curiouser.”
Presented with an opportunity like no other, Drew makes the decision to use the device to travel back to visit his father who died during Drew’s teenage years. It had been a difficult experience, so for Drew it was a no-brainer. Go back and see his father, renowned musician Doc Evans, right when he got his big break, headlining at the Jazz Ltd nightclub— in1947 Chicago. Of course things never go as planned—that Murphy guy got it right—and when the Chicago mob decides to have an interest in the club, Drew finds himself caught right in the middle.
Out of Time, my 75,000 word adventure novel, will appeal to fans of Michael Crichton. His novels have taught me that strong characters, tight plotting and page turning action are important ingredients to a successful novel. This is a time travel adventure that’s not a science fiction story.
Having written professionally for the last ten years in advertising and marketing, I’ve learned the value of powerful ideas and concise execution.
Thank you for your consideration,
Allan Evans
Jan 9, 2010
QUERY- THE UNCOMMON ONE (third revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision
Click here to read the sample pages.
I've taken everyone's comments into consideration (and read a lot of the Query Shark). I hope this one does the trick. I'm ready for your worst!
Dear [Agent Name]
When Sarah Daugherty is grabbed and knocked unconscious in the parking garage of her work, she wakes up in the safety of her car unaware of how she got there. The next day she agrees to a night out with a friend just so she won’t be alone.
Sarah catches the bartender, John Pennington, staring at her and she becomes nervous. When her ex-husband shows up unexpectedly and interrupts her evening, John comes to her aid and intervenes. He impresses her with his kindness and looks good to boot, looking perfect in every way. She boldly asks him out.
What Sarah doesn’t know is that John is a vampire.
Since the night he saved her from the serial killer, John is drawn to her so he agrees to the date. Then he discovers he can’t wipe her mind and breaks it off. She tries to convince him to reconsider and he gives the only excuse he can think of: he’s allergic to the sun.
When Sarah admits defeat and leaves, John feels incomplete without her and decides she’s worth the risk. However, someone isn’t happy they are dating and expresses their opinion in a malicious way.
Sarah’s car is vandalized, her apartment is trashed, and she suspects someone is following her. John suspects it may be Maddie, a friend of his, and he feels guilty.
When Maddie reveals to Sarah that John is a vampire and proves it, her world is shaken. Sarah runs away. However, her life is miserable without him and she comes back. Since her return, there are two attempts to kidnap her. John is determined to find the perpetrator before she is taken away from him forever.
THE UNCOMMON ONE is a paranormal romance novel complete at 109,000 words. I am a member of Romance Writers of America. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Stacy McKitrick
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision
Click here to read the sample pages.
I've taken everyone's comments into consideration (and read a lot of the Query Shark). I hope this one does the trick. I'm ready for your worst!
Dear [Agent Name]
When Sarah Daugherty is grabbed and knocked unconscious in the parking garage of her work, she wakes up in the safety of her car unaware of how she got there. The next day she agrees to a night out with a friend just so she won’t be alone.
Sarah catches the bartender, John Pennington, staring at her and she becomes nervous. When her ex-husband shows up unexpectedly and interrupts her evening, John comes to her aid and intervenes. He impresses her with his kindness and looks good to boot, looking perfect in every way. She boldly asks him out.
What Sarah doesn’t know is that John is a vampire.
Since the night he saved her from the serial killer, John is drawn to her so he agrees to the date. Then he discovers he can’t wipe her mind and breaks it off. She tries to convince him to reconsider and he gives the only excuse he can think of: he’s allergic to the sun.
When Sarah admits defeat and leaves, John feels incomplete without her and decides she’s worth the risk. However, someone isn’t happy they are dating and expresses their opinion in a malicious way.
Sarah’s car is vandalized, her apartment is trashed, and she suspects someone is following her. John suspects it may be Maddie, a friend of his, and he feels guilty.
When Maddie reveals to Sarah that John is a vampire and proves it, her world is shaken. Sarah runs away. However, her life is miserable without him and she comes back. Since her return, there are two attempts to kidnap her. John is determined to find the perpetrator before she is taken away from him forever.
THE UNCOMMON ONE is a paranormal romance novel complete at 109,000 words. I am a member of Romance Writers of America. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Stacy McKitrick
Jan 5, 2010
Query - Fallen Knight (2nd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Ms. Agent,
My 105,000 word mystery/suspense novel, FALLEN KNIGHT, fits the material you’re in search of. Think of it in the mold of The Bowery Boys versus Professor Moriarty.
On the eve of 2011, a twisted mind is intent on replicating the largest bio-terrorism act in US history. How ironic that the only thing standing in his way is a group of aging friends who still revere the Quest for the Holy Grail.
Lee Hamilton is a middle-aged human resource manager for a manufacturing plant located in the Deep South. Aside from being recently re-married, the only thing keeping him from slipping into a mind-numbing normalcy is his occasional rendezvous with the knights. One of six college buddies, who in their mischievous heyday were labeled ‘The Knights Who Say Ni’ for their love of all things Monty Python, Lee has come to treasure his re-kindled friendship with the tight-knit group. Then tragedy strikes.
A call from Dianne Williams, the manager of the detective agency where one of the knights works, informs Lee that somebody has savagely beaten their friend into a coma. Furthermore, a mysterious illness has suddenly befallen the majority of the investigators at her agency. Lee rallies the rest of the knights to help Dianne search for the assailant, which points in the direction of one of the fallen knights previous investigations. The pursuit leads to a student responsible for a lethal high school shooting sixty miles outside the nation’s capital. Though the boy committed suicide following his rampage, the group discovers the authorities have been suppressing facts about the young shooter, including a note hinting at an ominous on-going threat. Utilizing sometimes questionable (aka illegal) methods, Dianne and the knights link a cryptic series of numbers to the boy and several other crimes, pulling the covers back on a plot more ambitious than anybody had previously imagined.
In over their heads and scrambling to avoid arrest, the boundaries of the knight’s friendship become tested. But the nickname so casually bestowed on the band many years ago, becomes prophetic as they personify the grand chivalrous behavior the title of knight once proudly stood for. And if they fail, a lethal biological agent will be unleashed on the streets of Washington DC.
Thank you, Ms. Agent, for your consideration of this query. At your request, I will be happy to send along the complete manuscript.
Sincerely,
DL Hammons
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Ms. Agent,
My 105,000 word mystery/suspense novel, FALLEN KNIGHT, fits the material you’re in search of. Think of it in the mold of The Bowery Boys versus Professor Moriarty.
On the eve of 2011, a twisted mind is intent on replicating the largest bio-terrorism act in US history. How ironic that the only thing standing in his way is a group of aging friends who still revere the Quest for the Holy Grail.
Lee Hamilton is a middle-aged human resource manager for a manufacturing plant located in the Deep South. Aside from being recently re-married, the only thing keeping him from slipping into a mind-numbing normalcy is his occasional rendezvous with the knights. One of six college buddies, who in their mischievous heyday were labeled ‘The Knights Who Say Ni’ for their love of all things Monty Python, Lee has come to treasure his re-kindled friendship with the tight-knit group. Then tragedy strikes.
A call from Dianne Williams, the manager of the detective agency where one of the knights works, informs Lee that somebody has savagely beaten their friend into a coma. Furthermore, a mysterious illness has suddenly befallen the majority of the investigators at her agency. Lee rallies the rest of the knights to help Dianne search for the assailant, which points in the direction of one of the fallen knights previous investigations. The pursuit leads to a student responsible for a lethal high school shooting sixty miles outside the nation’s capital. Though the boy committed suicide following his rampage, the group discovers the authorities have been suppressing facts about the young shooter, including a note hinting at an ominous on-going threat. Utilizing sometimes questionable (aka illegal) methods, Dianne and the knights link a cryptic series of numbers to the boy and several other crimes, pulling the covers back on a plot more ambitious than anybody had previously imagined.
In over their heads and scrambling to avoid arrest, the boundaries of the knight’s friendship become tested. But the nickname so casually bestowed on the band many years ago, becomes prophetic as they personify the grand chivalrous behavior the title of knight once proudly stood for. And if they fail, a lethal biological agent will be unleashed on the streets of Washington DC.
Thank you, Ms. Agent, for your consideration of this query. At your request, I will be happy to send along the complete manuscript.
Sincerely,
DL Hammons
Jan 4, 2010
QUERY-WITHOUT HER
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 77,000-word young adult novel, Without Her.
After her older sister commits suicide, sixteen-year-old Lana Lindval, stuck in a desolate North Dakota oil town, struggles to rebuild her life. Her sister Skye was unreliable, emotional, and sometimes even cruel, but she always protected Lana. Now Lana has to forge her own way, and the fact that she’s alienated her old friends doesn’t make it any easier.
The only one willing to put up with Lana now is her born-again cousin Britta, and even Britta has an agenda. Britta wants Lana to become a model Christian, but Lana is more interested in Tucker Stevens, a new boy with a smart mouth and a rebellious streak. Britta thinks he’s dangerous, but Lana is sure she’s wrong. Tucker’s example gives Lana the courage to act on her desperate need to get away from Burnt Earth. But her mother, who has grown overprotective since Skye’s death, resists all her plans to gain more independence—including her friendship with Tucker.
Her mother’s disapproval drives Lana to spend even more time with Tucker, who understands how trapped she feels. He may not be completely open about his past—or his love life—but he really listens to her, and Lana is more and more convinced that she’s the one who’s right about Tucker. But when a stupid idea turns into a trip to jail, Lana catches Tucker in a big lie. Maybe Britta and her mother were right all along.
Thank you for considering Without Her. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
I am seeking representation for my 77,000-word young adult novel, Without Her.
After her older sister commits suicide, sixteen-year-old Lana Lindval, stuck in a desolate North Dakota oil town, struggles to rebuild her life. Her sister Skye was unreliable, emotional, and sometimes even cruel, but she always protected Lana. Now Lana has to forge her own way, and the fact that she’s alienated her old friends doesn’t make it any easier.
The only one willing to put up with Lana now is her born-again cousin Britta, and even Britta has an agenda. Britta wants Lana to become a model Christian, but Lana is more interested in Tucker Stevens, a new boy with a smart mouth and a rebellious streak. Britta thinks he’s dangerous, but Lana is sure she’s wrong. Tucker’s example gives Lana the courage to act on her desperate need to get away from Burnt Earth. But her mother, who has grown overprotective since Skye’s death, resists all her plans to gain more independence—including her friendship with Tucker.
Her mother’s disapproval drives Lana to spend even more time with Tucker, who understands how trapped she feels. He may not be completely open about his past—or his love life—but he really listens to her, and Lana is more and more convinced that she’s the one who’s right about Tucker. But when a stupid idea turns into a trip to jail, Lana catches Tucker in a big lie. Maybe Britta and her mother were right all along.
Thank you for considering Without Her. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Jan 2, 2010
Query: The Rough on the Diamond
Dear Agent,
The Rough on the Diamond takes game of baseball where it's never been before: the barren plains of West Africa.
Blake Portis is an ex-backup catcher who has failed as a ballplayer, a broadcaster, a coach and a human being. All he has to show for his years in the major leagues is enough money to buy anything he could ever want and not a single thing he truly needs. Fed up with the game that turned its back on him and on the verge of a personal breakdown, Portis gets one last chance through a job as a scout in the baseball wasteland of Africa.
Portis soon realizes prospects are nowhere to be found and plans to give up, but a chance encounter takes Blake to the small nation of Senegal, where a peculiar doctor has started a baseball program out of the dust. What he finds in Senegal – young boys with a passion for the game and true, unadulterated talent – makes Blake remember why he loved baseball in the first place. In partnership with the doctor, Portis helps guide the baseball program toward its ultimate goal: an African-born player in the major leagues. Along the way, Blake Portis finds love, hope and, ultimately, his own salvation in the land of the griot storytellers.
For over 10 years I worked as an editor, reporter and sportswriter at newspapers and magazines of all sizes across the Midwest, winning numerous writing awards from the press associations of Missouri, Kansas and Arkansas.
The Rough on the Diamond is complete at 80,000 words. Thank you in advance for considering it. May I send you a synopsis, sample chapters or the full manuscript?
Sincerely,
Matt Kelsey
The Rough on the Diamond takes game of baseball where it's never been before: the barren plains of West Africa.
Blake Portis is an ex-backup catcher who has failed as a ballplayer, a broadcaster, a coach and a human being. All he has to show for his years in the major leagues is enough money to buy anything he could ever want and not a single thing he truly needs. Fed up with the game that turned its back on him and on the verge of a personal breakdown, Portis gets one last chance through a job as a scout in the baseball wasteland of Africa.
Portis soon realizes prospects are nowhere to be found and plans to give up, but a chance encounter takes Blake to the small nation of Senegal, where a peculiar doctor has started a baseball program out of the dust. What he finds in Senegal – young boys with a passion for the game and true, unadulterated talent – makes Blake remember why he loved baseball in the first place. In partnership with the doctor, Portis helps guide the baseball program toward its ultimate goal: an African-born player in the major leagues. Along the way, Blake Portis finds love, hope and, ultimately, his own salvation in the land of the griot storytellers.
For over 10 years I worked as an editor, reporter and sportswriter at newspapers and magazines of all sizes across the Midwest, winning numerous writing awards from the press associations of Missouri, Kansas and Arkansas.
The Rough on the Diamond is complete at 80,000 words. Thank you in advance for considering it. May I send you a synopsis, sample chapters or the full manuscript?
Sincerely,
Matt Kelsey
QUERY - SECOND SIGHT
Seven years ago,a frightened five year old escaped from his kidnapper, hid in the woods for days, and finally surrended to the Hawthorns who found him scavaging from their cafe trash cans. He's known as MICK HAWTHORN today and the most frightening thing that's happened to him lately is kissing JULIE RAINWATER at a summer Band picnic.Then the nightmares begin.
A new preacher has come to Jasper, Arkansas, population 500. As his generic prayer for a safe sports season rolls over the students at the first school pep rally, Mick is shocked to recognize the voice he feared as a child. But PASTOR RICHTER is charismatic and the community flocks to join his congregation.
Mick confronts Richter, who laughs and tells him that no one will ever believe his story. When Julie and some of the other girls begin attending extra study sessions at the church and plan a trip with Richter to present a play at other churches in St Louis, Mick knows that the man has chosen his new victims.
Mick joins the drama group, persuading Richter that he holds no grudges for his mistreatment. During a storm, the students are abandoned at a cabin on the way to Missouri. Waking from a drugged sleep, Mick forces Richter into releasing two of the girls, but nearly loses Julie as the preacher attempts to drive away.
The final solution to stopping Richter is up to Mick. Even though he is smaller, he attacks the man, drives him into the woods, and contacts the authorities. Sometimes even a boy has to summon the force within himself to be the hero.
Second Sight is a 40,000 word novel for middle grades.
A new preacher has come to Jasper, Arkansas, population 500. As his generic prayer for a safe sports season rolls over the students at the first school pep rally, Mick is shocked to recognize the voice he feared as a child. But PASTOR RICHTER is charismatic and the community flocks to join his congregation.
Mick confronts Richter, who laughs and tells him that no one will ever believe his story. When Julie and some of the other girls begin attending extra study sessions at the church and plan a trip with Richter to present a play at other churches in St Louis, Mick knows that the man has chosen his new victims.
Mick joins the drama group, persuading Richter that he holds no grudges for his mistreatment. During a storm, the students are abandoned at a cabin on the way to Missouri. Waking from a drugged sleep, Mick forces Richter into releasing two of the girls, but nearly loses Julie as the preacher attempts to drive away.
The final solution to stopping Richter is up to Mick. Even though he is smaller, he attacks the man, drives him into the woods, and contacts the authorities. Sometimes even a boy has to summon the force within himself to be the hero.
Second Sight is a 40,000 word novel for middle grades.
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