Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Agent,
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped. Emil survived. His sister didn’t. So when word of a ruthless killer rampaging London convinces Emil that his kidnapper is on the move, he thinks it’s fate that his guardian, Officer Corwin James, is in charge of the case.
The basic facts of the murders are well known. A young girl is kidnapped. Three days later, the body shows up, horrifically mutilated. However, Emil and Corwin know a little more than the general public: each murder is accompanied by a note quoting Alice in Wonderland.
These notes confirm Emil’s suspicions. He knew his kidnapper by only one name: The Hatter. But as he and his guardian get closer and closer to tracking the man down, Emil starts to realize exactly what confronting his past will mean. He can live with the nightmares. But if he fails to avenge his sister’s death, he doesn’t know how he’ll live with himself- if he lives at all.
MAD AS A HATTER, a YA historical mystery, is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Me
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 29, 2010
QUERY- THE WHIP-SLIP (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Seventeen-year-old Thea Vans will do anything to protect her best friend, Tully. That’s why she’ll never speak to him again.
Thea’s always hidden her ability to heal or infect with a single touch – but the powers don’t belong to her anymore. Left-Hander, the new and inexplicable voice in her head has taken control, and unfortunately for Thea, she’s got a two-year-old’s temperament. A few cases of hives, broken legs, projectile vomiting, and heart palpitations all with Thea at the scene have put her in the spotlight at school – and now Tully thinks she’s possessed.
Thea would argue, but she knows nothing about her origins or who Left-Hander is, thanks to her guardian’s lack of blab. She doesn’t know that the teenagers who reawaken dead eels at the local waterway and sic them on a crowd of high schoolers are called The Whips, soldiers of Death.
Thea’s reward for fighting the Whips and saving her classmates is information: the Whips and Slips (the soldiers of Life) have been fighting for centuries, and their greatest weapon is Thea, whose set of powers could be used to kill thousands. Run-and-hide would be a smart move –
Except Tully’s injured in the waterway attack and is taken to the Slip base to heal. Thea’s got no choice but to follow and make sure he makes it out alive. Good thing the Slips don’t realize she’s got some Whip in her too. If she can just control her powers, maybe she and Tully can make it out alive.
As long as Left-Hander cooperates.
Seventeen-year-old Thea Vans will do anything to protect her best friend, Tully. That’s why she’ll never speak to him again.
Thea’s always hidden her ability to heal or infect with a single touch – but the powers don’t belong to her anymore. Left-Hander, the new and inexplicable voice in her head has taken control, and unfortunately for Thea, she’s got a two-year-old’s temperament. A few cases of hives, broken legs, projectile vomiting, and heart palpitations all with Thea at the scene have put her in the spotlight at school – and now Tully thinks she’s possessed.
Thea would argue, but she knows nothing about her origins or who Left-Hander is, thanks to her guardian’s lack of blab. She doesn’t know that the teenagers who reawaken dead eels at the local waterway and sic them on a crowd of high schoolers are called The Whips, soldiers of Death.
Thea’s reward for fighting the Whips and saving her classmates is information: the Whips and Slips (the soldiers of Life) have been fighting for centuries, and their greatest weapon is Thea, whose set of powers could be used to kill thousands. Run-and-hide would be a smart move –
Except Tully’s injured in the waterway attack and is taken to the Slip base to heal. Thea’s got no choice but to follow and make sure he makes it out alive. Good thing the Slips don’t realize she’s got some Whip in her too. If she can just control her powers, maybe she and Tully can make it out alive.
As long as Left-Hander cooperates.
QUERY- MAD AS A HATTER (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Awesome Agent,
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped. Emil survived. His sister didn’t. So when word of a ruthless killer rampaging London reaches home, his mother is- understandably- frightened into sending him to live with Corwin James, the officer in charge of the case, until the criminal is caught.
Every murder follows the same pattern: a young girl is kidnapped. Three days later, her body shows up, horrifically mutilated. But Emil is also privy to some extra information: each murder is accompanied by a note quoting Alice in Wonderland.
These notes don’t mean anything to the police, but they do to Emil. The man who kidnapped him was never caught, and Emil only knew him by one name: the Hatter. If the man they’re looking for and the tormenter of his past are the same person, then Emil will do anything to stop the man. He even stands a chance of avenging his sister—if he isn’t killed first.
MAD AS A HATTER, a YA historical mystery, is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Me
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Awesome Agent,
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped. Emil survived. His sister didn’t. So when word of a ruthless killer rampaging London reaches home, his mother is- understandably- frightened into sending him to live with Corwin James, the officer in charge of the case, until the criminal is caught.
Every murder follows the same pattern: a young girl is kidnapped. Three days later, her body shows up, horrifically mutilated. But Emil is also privy to some extra information: each murder is accompanied by a note quoting Alice in Wonderland.
These notes don’t mean anything to the police, but they do to Emil. The man who kidnapped him was never caught, and Emil only knew him by one name: the Hatter. If the man they’re looking for and the tormenter of his past are the same person, then Emil will do anything to stop the man. He even stands a chance of avenging his sister—if he isn’t killed first.
MAD AS A HATTER, a YA historical mystery, is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Me
Sep 28, 2010
THE WHIP-SLIP QUERY
The students and faculty of Waltham High School have had a lot of incidents lately – broken legs, allergic reactions, nosebleeds, heart palpitations – and they’re beginning to think 17-year-old Thea Vans has something to do with it.
They’re not wrong.
Thea’s always been able to hurt or heal with a single touch. Bruises, hives, projectile vomiting. Another touch cures colds, mends broken legs, or brings blissful sleep. Not even her best friend knew about the powers – until Left-Hander came along, the new and inexplicable voice in her head. And Left-Hander controls the powers now.
Unfortunately for Thea, Left-Hander prefers hurting to healing. Thea can’t stop Lefty when she decides to punish someone - and it doesn’t take much to annoy Left-Hander.
Before she can figure out just who – or what – Left-Hander is, a group of teenagers with powers identical to Thea’s attack the local park. Thea convinces Left-Hander to fight them, but doing so lands her in the middle of a war between the soldiers of Life and the soldiers of Death. A war where Thea is the weapon of mass destruction.
If either side finds out what Thea is, thousands will die – but her best friend is injured in the attack on the park and taken by the soldiers of Life. Thea follows with the hope that if she hides her abilities, maybe they’ll both make it through alive.
If Left-Hander can cooperate.
THE WHIP-SLIP is a young adult fantasy complete at 90,000 words. This will fit well alongside the works of your clients xxx & xxxx.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
They’re not wrong.
Thea’s always been able to hurt or heal with a single touch. Bruises, hives, projectile vomiting. Another touch cures colds, mends broken legs, or brings blissful sleep. Not even her best friend knew about the powers – until Left-Hander came along, the new and inexplicable voice in her head. And Left-Hander controls the powers now.
Unfortunately for Thea, Left-Hander prefers hurting to healing. Thea can’t stop Lefty when she decides to punish someone - and it doesn’t take much to annoy Left-Hander.
Before she can figure out just who – or what – Left-Hander is, a group of teenagers with powers identical to Thea’s attack the local park. Thea convinces Left-Hander to fight them, but doing so lands her in the middle of a war between the soldiers of Life and the soldiers of Death. A war where Thea is the weapon of mass destruction.
If either side finds out what Thea is, thousands will die – but her best friend is injured in the attack on the park and taken by the soldiers of Life. Thea follows with the hope that if she hides her abilities, maybe they’ll both make it through alive.
If Left-Hander can cooperate.
THE WHIP-SLIP is a young adult fantasy complete at 90,000 words. This will fit well alongside the works of your clients xxx & xxxx.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
QUERY: STEAM PALACE
Dear Esteemed Literary Agent
Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.
Sophia Stratton leaves home to discover a temptress, an immoral gutter prowler named Viola living with her gentle aunt. Shocked and curious, she follows Viola to the Steam Palace, a small city of iniquity and sin built upon an ancient half-buried barge in the Connecticut River. Despite the obvious fact that Viola hails from a native tribe and lacks the slightest touch of civilized culture, Sophia is inexplicably drawn to her, and finds to her embarrassment that they share a similar demeanor. Needless to say when Sophia discovers this wanton woman is actually her twin sister, separated at birth, it thoroughly destroys her. But that is only part of the story.
All Sophia wants is a job, perhaps a proposal of marriage to an eligible gentleman of sufficient reputation, and a means to restore her family name. She never intends on bringing her country--torn between two neighboring countries--to the brink of ruin. She now hides out in a bombed-out Native village where spirits walk among the corpses. Captain Thomas Putnam, her love, is most likely dead, his leg torn by shrapnel in a unfortunate assault on their country’s rival, the Southland, in an attempt to steal the mysterious Sea Key. And now Viola, of whom Sophia has grown quite fond despite Viola’s untoward upbringing, has surrendered to the man responsible to all this destruction and faces torture and death for her disobedience. Hartford and the Steam Palace lie in ruins, and Ghost, a powerful Fury Lord with limitless technological power at his fingertips, refuses to assist. Sophia must find a way to rescue her sister, restore Thomas’ honor, convince Ghost to join their cause, locate the mythical Sea Key, and fight off her country’s invaders before war claims the remnants of a once-proud kingdom.
Steam Palace, complete at 120,000 words, is a Steampunk romp through alternate-history America, where proto-Nazis clash with British-style royalty while the Free Southland tries to democratize both. It features twins separated at birth, secret keys to impossible powers, airships and mechohorses, and of course, tea, corsets, and goggles.
This is a very early first-draft of a query. I'm not as much interested in grammar or style as much as wondering whether this is a good place to start. Does the book sound interesting? Is there too much detail? Do you understand what's at stake? I will be posting updates that are a bit more polished.
Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.
Sophia Stratton leaves home to discover a temptress, an immoral gutter prowler named Viola living with her gentle aunt. Shocked and curious, she follows Viola to the Steam Palace, a small city of iniquity and sin built upon an ancient half-buried barge in the Connecticut River. Despite the obvious fact that Viola hails from a native tribe and lacks the slightest touch of civilized culture, Sophia is inexplicably drawn to her, and finds to her embarrassment that they share a similar demeanor. Needless to say when Sophia discovers this wanton woman is actually her twin sister, separated at birth, it thoroughly destroys her. But that is only part of the story.
All Sophia wants is a job, perhaps a proposal of marriage to an eligible gentleman of sufficient reputation, and a means to restore her family name. She never intends on bringing her country--torn between two neighboring countries--to the brink of ruin. She now hides out in a bombed-out Native village where spirits walk among the corpses. Captain Thomas Putnam, her love, is most likely dead, his leg torn by shrapnel in a unfortunate assault on their country’s rival, the Southland, in an attempt to steal the mysterious Sea Key. And now Viola, of whom Sophia has grown quite fond despite Viola’s untoward upbringing, has surrendered to the man responsible to all this destruction and faces torture and death for her disobedience. Hartford and the Steam Palace lie in ruins, and Ghost, a powerful Fury Lord with limitless technological power at his fingertips, refuses to assist. Sophia must find a way to rescue her sister, restore Thomas’ honor, convince Ghost to join their cause, locate the mythical Sea Key, and fight off her country’s invaders before war claims the remnants of a once-proud kingdom.
Steam Palace, complete at 120,000 words, is a Steampunk romp through alternate-history America, where proto-Nazis clash with British-style royalty while the Free Southland tries to democratize both. It features twins separated at birth, secret keys to impossible powers, airships and mechohorses, and of course, tea, corsets, and goggles.
This is a very early first-draft of a query. I'm not as much interested in grammar or style as much as wondering whether this is a good place to start. Does the book sound interesting? Is there too much detail? Do you understand what's at stake? I will be posting updates that are a bit more polished.
Sep 27, 2010
Knight of Light - YA Fantasy
Dear Awesome Agent,
Knight of Light is an 89,000 word young adult fantasy about a sixteen-year-old girl and her quest to fit into the 12th century’s rigid social expectations despite her dangerous abnormalities – in fact, Scotlyn is afraid she might not be human.
After escaping torture from a servant of the Dark Rebellion, Scotlyn is hired as a handmaid in Oswestry, England. Although she is apparently betrothed to a prince of the mythical Kingdom of Neviah she catches the eye of young Duke Lyrad. Their beautiful romance is cut short when Lyrad departs and disappears in King Richard’s holy crusade. Now Lyrad’s back and is the leader of an army sent to destroy her homeland. Scotlyn must set aside social norms of a society denying equal rights and decide if she is the damsel in distress or the knight in shining armor.
To protect her country from Lyrad and the Dark Rebellion, Scotlyn enlists the help of a clever dwarf, accident-prone pixie and a rugged mysterious ranger (Cyrus, the Prince of Neviah) with his own paranormal abilities — and immortal secrets. When she starts to discern the enemy’s thoughts and is offered power, wealth and a proposal of marriage from the man she once loved, she questions her forgotten past and the reasons behind her personal crusade. In the face of war and political conspirators, the Dark Rebellion trying to steal her powers to control fire and England’s charming lords trying to steal her heart, Scotlyn must embrace her destiny, expose her secrets and set in motion an apocalyptic prophecy or concede the kingdom she swore to defend.
Knight of Light is the first book in a series, but can also stand on its own. The series progresses forward and delves into documented historical phenomenon and natural disasters of biblical proportions that entices indulgence of a fine line between intriguing fact and alluring fantasy.
As an author, I have been a featured guest at festivals and conferences throughout the United States including the international Comic-Con in San Diego. I have published numerous articles on a wide range of topics including writing techniques. I’ve worked professionally as a ghostwriter and as a playwright for a local theater. I am the manager for two of New York Times Best Seller, David Farland's writing groups and I am a member of American Night Writers Association. Aside from being a mother I juggle a full time career as an author, professional illustrator and e-book animator.
I look forward to your response.
Best,
Deirdra Eden Coppel
guidedhope@gmail.com
www.Knightess.com
Knight of Light is an 89,000 word young adult fantasy about a sixteen-year-old girl and her quest to fit into the 12th century’s rigid social expectations despite her dangerous abnormalities – in fact, Scotlyn is afraid she might not be human.
After escaping torture from a servant of the Dark Rebellion, Scotlyn is hired as a handmaid in Oswestry, England. Although she is apparently betrothed to a prince of the mythical Kingdom of Neviah she catches the eye of young Duke Lyrad. Their beautiful romance is cut short when Lyrad departs and disappears in King Richard’s holy crusade. Now Lyrad’s back and is the leader of an army sent to destroy her homeland. Scotlyn must set aside social norms of a society denying equal rights and decide if she is the damsel in distress or the knight in shining armor.
To protect her country from Lyrad and the Dark Rebellion, Scotlyn enlists the help of a clever dwarf, accident-prone pixie and a rugged mysterious ranger (Cyrus, the Prince of Neviah) with his own paranormal abilities — and immortal secrets. When she starts to discern the enemy’s thoughts and is offered power, wealth and a proposal of marriage from the man she once loved, she questions her forgotten past and the reasons behind her personal crusade. In the face of war and political conspirators, the Dark Rebellion trying to steal her powers to control fire and England’s charming lords trying to steal her heart, Scotlyn must embrace her destiny, expose her secrets and set in motion an apocalyptic prophecy or concede the kingdom she swore to defend.
Knight of Light is the first book in a series, but can also stand on its own. The series progresses forward and delves into documented historical phenomenon and natural disasters of biblical proportions that entices indulgence of a fine line between intriguing fact and alluring fantasy.
As an author, I have been a featured guest at festivals and conferences throughout the United States including the international Comic-Con in San Diego. I have published numerous articles on a wide range of topics including writing techniques. I’ve worked professionally as a ghostwriter and as a playwright for a local theater. I am the manager for two of New York Times Best Seller, David Farland's writing groups and I am a member of American Night Writers Association. Aside from being a mother I juggle a full time career as an author, professional illustrator and e-book animator.
I look forward to your response.
Best,
Deirdra Eden Coppel
guidedhope@gmail.com
www.Knightess.com
Sep 25, 2010
QUERY – IMMORTAL DECISION
Dear Super-Duper Agent looking for Queries that lack suckitutde:
As a former priest turned vampire, Stefan’s greatest desire is to end his two hundred years of tortured existence. He knows his prophesized death is at hand, but suicide is impossible and his vampiric nature prevents him from purposely losing a battle. Then the means to his end presents itself in the form of an American named William, the lost heir Stefan has been searching for.
Stefan lures the young man to Romania with the promise of a substantial inheritance. In order to receive it, William must read the complete history of his future estate and the past of his ancestors. The centuries-old manuscript - Stefan's own personal journal – provides William with an abundance of information about the supernatural world, and what it means to be a vampire.
Stefan is vexed that the mere human will flee when he realizes what he must do to claim his inheritance, and uses all his powers of psychological manipulation at his disposal to make William stay. But Stefan's conscience is torn. If Stefan succeeds, he may condemn William to eternal damnation. If he fails, he could inflict the same torture he has face hundreds of years of sunless, Godless existence.
IMMORTAL DECISION is a 109,000 word urban fantasy debut. Thank you for your consideration.
As a former priest turned vampire, Stefan’s greatest desire is to end his two hundred years of tortured existence. He knows his prophesized death is at hand, but suicide is impossible and his vampiric nature prevents him from purposely losing a battle. Then the means to his end presents itself in the form of an American named William, the lost heir Stefan has been searching for.
Stefan lures the young man to Romania with the promise of a substantial inheritance. In order to receive it, William must read the complete history of his future estate and the past of his ancestors. The centuries-old manuscript - Stefan's own personal journal – provides William with an abundance of information about the supernatural world, and what it means to be a vampire.
Stefan is vexed that the mere human will flee when he realizes what he must do to claim his inheritance, and uses all his powers of psychological manipulation at his disposal to make William stay. But Stefan's conscience is torn. If Stefan succeeds, he may condemn William to eternal damnation. If he fails, he could inflict the same torture he has face hundreds of years of sunless, Godless existence.
IMMORTAL DECISION is a 109,000 word urban fantasy debut. Thank you for your consideration.
Sep 18, 2010
QUERY- REMEMBERING YOU women's fiction
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
“Genna” Genovase is smart, beautiful, driven and about to break the glass ceiling at the swanky country club in Delaware where she works. Taking her long awaited three-week vacation before she begins as “Director of the Kitchens”, Genna decides to surprise her family by driving up to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual 4th of July Parade.
However, the surprise is on her when she runs into her ex-fiancé at her uncle’s diner. Tony makes it clear he wants her back and Genna wonders if she can forgive him for breaking her heart a decade ago.
Things get complicated though, when little Petie DiCampo shows up at the diner one morning, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy. He sets his sights and his heart on Genna but Tony isn’t giving up that easily.
Genna also finds her aunt may be in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. The family is in denial; one cousin is hysterical, another completely shuts down and her beloved uncle, dealing with all the stress, has a heart attack.
Genna steps in to keep the diner open and the family together while he recuperates and she questions what’s more important – breaking that glass ceiling or her family.
When her uncle reassures her the family and the diner will be fine without her, she heads back to Delaware. Unfortunately, she leaves her heart behind in Rhode Island and wonders what it will take to get it back.
REMEMBERING YOU is a complete work of women's fiction at 87,000 words.
etc. etc.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
“Genna” Genovase is smart, beautiful, driven and about to break the glass ceiling at the swanky country club in Delaware where she works. Taking her long awaited three-week vacation before she begins as “Director of the Kitchens”, Genna decides to surprise her family by driving up to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual 4th of July Parade.
However, the surprise is on her when she runs into her ex-fiancé at her uncle’s diner. Tony makes it clear he wants her back and Genna wonders if she can forgive him for breaking her heart a decade ago.
Things get complicated though, when little Petie DiCampo shows up at the diner one morning, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy. He sets his sights and his heart on Genna but Tony isn’t giving up that easily.
Genna also finds her aunt may be in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. The family is in denial; one cousin is hysterical, another completely shuts down and her beloved uncle, dealing with all the stress, has a heart attack.
Genna steps in to keep the diner open and the family together while he recuperates and she questions what’s more important – breaking that glass ceiling or her family.
When her uncle reassures her the family and the diner will be fine without her, she heads back to Delaware. Unfortunately, she leaves her heart behind in Rhode Island and wonders what it will take to get it back.
REMEMBERING YOU is a complete work of women's fiction at 87,000 words.
etc. etc.
Sep 17, 2010
QUERY- MAD AS A HATTER (first revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Awesome Agent,
London, 1882. Kidnapped as a toddler, Emil Aleric and his mother survived. The rest of the family didn't. So the word of a ruthless killer rampaging London frightens his mother into sending Emil to live with Officer Corwin James.
Every murder follows the same pattern: a young girl is kidnapped. Three days later, her body shows up, killed in a horrific fashion. But what throws everyone off is the notes quoting Alice in Wonderland.
This doesn’t mean anything to the police, but it does to Emil. The man who kidnapped him was never caught, and Emil only knew him by one name: the Hatter. If the man they’re looking for and the tormenter of his past are the same person, then Emil will do anything to stop the man. He even stands a chance of avenging his sister—if he isn’t killed first.
MAD AS A HATTER, a YA historical mystery with a supernatural twist, is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Me
Dear Awesome Agent,
London, 1882. Kidnapped as a toddler, Emil Aleric and his mother survived. The rest of the family didn't. So the word of a ruthless killer rampaging London frightens his mother into sending Emil to live with Officer Corwin James.
Every murder follows the same pattern: a young girl is kidnapped. Three days later, her body shows up, killed in a horrific fashion. But what throws everyone off is the notes quoting Alice in Wonderland.
This doesn’t mean anything to the police, but it does to Emil. The man who kidnapped him was never caught, and Emil only knew him by one name: the Hatter. If the man they’re looking for and the tormenter of his past are the same person, then Emil will do anything to stop the man. He even stands a chance of avenging his sister—if he isn’t killed first.
MAD AS A HATTER, a YA historical mystery with a supernatural twist, is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Me
Sep 16, 2010
Query - Possessed
Dear Agent So-and-So,
Fourteen year old Gabriel is stuck at home with his parents after fighting in the Napoleonic War for two years. His father has forbidden him to return to sea after losing his left hand in battle.
To make matters worse, Gabriel is forced to go on a long trip to visit his aging aunt in the country. His boredom evaporates when he hears voices in a dark room filled with locked cabinets.
Gabriel's curiosity is cut short when a series of tragic events drive him into the woods with a madman in hot pursuit. The voices from the room follow him there. Just when he thinks that he is going mad, the truth unravels.
Everything that he thought was real is a lie, including his identity. He is not a soldier. He is a cold blooded murderer.
The angry voices of those that he shot five years ago only become worse. He fears the day when he, too, will enter into eternity.
Is there any way out of everlasting punishment for killing the innocent? Gabriel is certain that there isn`t one.
Possessed is a supernatural thriller that contains a final word count of 56,139 words. I have pasted the first ten pages at the bottom of this email.
Thank you for taking the time to review my work. If you would like to see more of my manuscript, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Sara Flower
Fourteen year old Gabriel is stuck at home with his parents after fighting in the Napoleonic War for two years. His father has forbidden him to return to sea after losing his left hand in battle.
To make matters worse, Gabriel is forced to go on a long trip to visit his aging aunt in the country. His boredom evaporates when he hears voices in a dark room filled with locked cabinets.
Gabriel's curiosity is cut short when a series of tragic events drive him into the woods with a madman in hot pursuit. The voices from the room follow him there. Just when he thinks that he is going mad, the truth unravels.
Everything that he thought was real is a lie, including his identity. He is not a soldier. He is a cold blooded murderer.
The angry voices of those that he shot five years ago only become worse. He fears the day when he, too, will enter into eternity.
Is there any way out of everlasting punishment for killing the innocent? Gabriel is certain that there isn`t one.
Possessed is a supernatural thriller that contains a final word count of 56,139 words. I have pasted the first ten pages at the bottom of this email.
Thank you for taking the time to review my work. If you would like to see more of my manuscript, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Sara Flower
Sep 15, 2010
YA query: A HEART-SHAPED HOLE (first revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Annabelle's life hinges on one thing: her ability to deceive the people around her into believing she is perfectly happy. She's got everything she could ever want: rich parents who stay out of her way, a wild group of partygoing friends, and the world practically at her fingertips. At the center of it all is her highly sought-after boyfriend, Emmett. But Annabelle has a horrible secret: her smile is a lie.
Emmett physically and emotionally abuses Annabelle, slowly turning her into a twisted whirlwind of self-hatred and guilt. Her one pride is her ability to manipulate her peers into looking straight through the problems she hides. Stuck with a family too absorbed in their own petty problems, she has no one to turn to. That is, until she meets Brendon while hiding in the bathroom during a party.
Brendon is just as disillusioned as Annabelle. He becomes a shoulder for her to lean on, always eerily able to see right through her shallow charade of happiness. As Annabelle reclaims the person she once was, she begins to find self-worth, open her eyes to her boyfriend's faults, and come to terms with her reasons for staying with Emmett. But Annabelle has a past, and Brendon knows more about her situation than he lets on. These two factors become what may ultimately prevent Annabelle from ever feeling genuine happiness again.
Annabelle's life hinges on one thing: her ability to deceive the people around her into believing she is perfectly happy. She's got everything she could ever want: rich parents who stay out of her way, a wild group of partygoing friends, and the world practically at her fingertips. At the center of it all is her highly sought-after boyfriend, Emmett. But Annabelle has a horrible secret: her smile is a lie.
Emmett physically and emotionally abuses Annabelle, slowly turning her into a twisted whirlwind of self-hatred and guilt. Her one pride is her ability to manipulate her peers into looking straight through the problems she hides. Stuck with a family too absorbed in their own petty problems, she has no one to turn to. That is, until she meets Brendon while hiding in the bathroom during a party.
Brendon is just as disillusioned as Annabelle. He becomes a shoulder for her to lean on, always eerily able to see right through her shallow charade of happiness. As Annabelle reclaims the person she once was, she begins to find self-worth, open her eyes to her boyfriend's faults, and come to terms with her reasons for staying with Emmett. But Annabelle has a past, and Brendon knows more about her situation than he lets on. These two factors become what may ultimately prevent Annabelle from ever feeling genuine happiness again.
MAD AS A HATTER- Query
Dear xxx,
Corwin James, a Scotland Yard officer investigating a series of murders, knows he's in over his head when the newspapers report him as dead.
Following instructions in a mysterious letter from his boss, Corwin and his teenage ward, Emil, take advantage of his current alibi to investigate the case. The only clues they have as to who the murderer is are notes left at the sites of the murders, all quoting Alice in Wonderland. Though both of them are desperate to catch the man who killed their loved ones, they soon discover that the murderer is not only as intelligent as both of the combined, but twice as devious. To get to the bottom of the case, Emil must face the demons of his horrific past and the two must go on a literal rabbit chase for answers. If they find the murderer, they’ll never be free of the nightmare.
If they fail to capture him, he lays his hands on his final intended victims: the royal family.
MAD AS A HATTER is a 50,000 word mystery with a supernatural twist set in Victorian London. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
xxx
Corwin James, a Scotland Yard officer investigating a series of murders, knows he's in over his head when the newspapers report him as dead.
Following instructions in a mysterious letter from his boss, Corwin and his teenage ward, Emil, take advantage of his current alibi to investigate the case. The only clues they have as to who the murderer is are notes left at the sites of the murders, all quoting Alice in Wonderland. Though both of them are desperate to catch the man who killed their loved ones, they soon discover that the murderer is not only as intelligent as both of the combined, but twice as devious. To get to the bottom of the case, Emil must face the demons of his horrific past and the two must go on a literal rabbit chase for answers. If they find the murderer, they’ll never be free of the nightmare.
If they fail to capture him, he lays his hands on his final intended victims: the royal family.
MAD AS A HATTER is a 50,000 word mystery with a supernatural twist set in Victorian London. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
xxx
Sep 11, 2010
First Sentence Help- Off The Edge
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Hi Everyone-- I need help. I am trying to fix my MS first sentence (we all know how important that first sentence is). I'm just not getting it right. I know what I want to say, but the words aren't coming. I need your advice.
Here it is:
If I had an inkling that everything would change in less than twelve hours I would have stayed on the plane.
Any ideas?? One sentance only.
Thanks-Erin
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Hi Everyone-- I need help. I am trying to fix my MS first sentence (we all know how important that first sentence is). I'm just not getting it right. I know what I want to say, but the words aren't coming. I need your advice.
Here it is:
If I had an inkling that everything would change in less than twelve hours I would have stayed on the plane.
Any ideas?? One sentance only.
Thanks-Erin
Sep 10, 2010
Query - Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting
Cody J. McLean
(My Address)
(My City, State & ZIP Code)
(My Phone Number)
elementalmattersbooks@gmail.com
http://elemental-matters.blogspot.com/
(Agent)
(Agency)
(Street Address)
(City, State, Zip Code)
(Date of Submission)
Dear Mr./Ms. (Agent),
I am seeking representation for my novel, Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting, the first draft of which was completed at approximately 120,000 words on March 7 of this year. This book is to be the first in a planned series that can be best classified as a contemporary fantasy. It starts off fun and light, exploring the wonders of the mystic in a manner similar to Harry Potter. However, it progressively delves into deeper, darker territory. With an enthralling storyline, deep characters, and a unique blend of sci-fi and fantasy, Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting is sure to pull in readers like a black hole.
Life just isn’t fair; it’s a fact and everyone knows it. People just handle it in different ways. Chunhua is a girl who knows this all too well. Her family means everything to her, but her ancestral past has determined her future. On a shared birthday, she and her sisters receive mystic powers and new responsibilities. This seems innocent enough, but Chunhua’s life is thrown into oblivion when distant relatives hunt down her family for these powers, threaten them, and force her to follow their every whim. Her freedom is the price to save her dear kin. Somehow, she must find a way to break away from her new masters while still carrying out their dirty deeds. But in the midst of all this, Chunhua makes choices of her own that may prevent her from ever going back.
I am a seventeen-year-old high school student and as such, I can relate the audience to the protagonist better than, say, some middle-aged author could with recollections of their own teenage experiences. I also strongly believe that the market needs a bit of spicing up from some new blood. Read my work and you will likely agree.
If this has grabbed you by the collar, please contact me to request my full manuscript. Thank you for your time; I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Cody J. McLean
(My Address)
(My City, State & ZIP Code)
(My Phone Number)
elementalmattersbooks@gmail.com
http://elemental-matters.blogspot.com/
(Agent)
(Agency)
(Street Address)
(City, State, Zip Code)
(Date of Submission)
Dear Mr./Ms. (Agent),
I am seeking representation for my novel, Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting, the first draft of which was completed at approximately 120,000 words on March 7 of this year. This book is to be the first in a planned series that can be best classified as a contemporary fantasy. It starts off fun and light, exploring the wonders of the mystic in a manner similar to Harry Potter. However, it progressively delves into deeper, darker territory. With an enthralling storyline, deep characters, and a unique blend of sci-fi and fantasy, Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting is sure to pull in readers like a black hole.
Life just isn’t fair; it’s a fact and everyone knows it. People just handle it in different ways. Chunhua is a girl who knows this all too well. Her family means everything to her, but her ancestral past has determined her future. On a shared birthday, she and her sisters receive mystic powers and new responsibilities. This seems innocent enough, but Chunhua’s life is thrown into oblivion when distant relatives hunt down her family for these powers, threaten them, and force her to follow their every whim. Her freedom is the price to save her dear kin. Somehow, she must find a way to break away from her new masters while still carrying out their dirty deeds. But in the midst of all this, Chunhua makes choices of her own that may prevent her from ever going back.
I am a seventeen-year-old high school student and as such, I can relate the audience to the protagonist better than, say, some middle-aged author could with recollections of their own teenage experiences. I also strongly believe that the market needs a bit of spicing up from some new blood. Read my work and you will likely agree.
If this has grabbed you by the collar, please contact me to request my full manuscript. Thank you for your time; I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Cody J. McLean
Query: BOUND (1st revision)
Click here to read the original query.
First off, you'll note a drastic change in POV here. The book is told from both Grant and Morana's POV (as they are both the protag's).
Secondly, you'll notice a title change in the last paragraph.
Dear (NAME)
Morana Lewis discovers everything she knew about life is a lie, right down what species she is. Everything she learns, she tries to ignore, but one thing remains persistent—her bloodlust—because she’s half vampire.
Her struggle between vampire instincts and human morals ends when she falls into the hands of a full blood vampire and is forced through the transition—the process that brings her vampire traits out by drinking their blood. With her vampire traits fully asserted, everything in life is a new experience. In a moment of self-discovery, she exchanges blood with her vampire captor, binding herself to him. She feels the hollow void of his emotions, every physical sensation he feels, and experiences his memories every time she takes blood from him.
As his lengthy past unfolds before her, she learns there’s a reason for her existence, a reason he knew about because he was part of the vampire council that wants her back. Morana accepts that she’s half vampire, bound to an emotionless void of a being, and craves blood, but not that she’s a pawn in an attempt to evolve the vampire species.
Morana must find balance within the turmoil, decide whom she can trust and elude the councils’ servants who’ve been sent for her, because something tells her she’s more than anyone conceives.
THE LAST SCION, an 87,000-word adult urban fantasy novel, is set against the backdrop of brutal murders rocking Seattle shoreline and explores evolution and its fragility.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jodi Henry
First off, you'll note a drastic change in POV here. The book is told from both Grant and Morana's POV (as they are both the protag's).
Secondly, you'll notice a title change in the last paragraph.
Dear (NAME)
Morana Lewis discovers everything she knew about life is a lie, right down what species she is. Everything she learns, she tries to ignore, but one thing remains persistent—her bloodlust—because she’s half vampire.
Her struggle between vampire instincts and human morals ends when she falls into the hands of a full blood vampire and is forced through the transition—the process that brings her vampire traits out by drinking their blood. With her vampire traits fully asserted, everything in life is a new experience. In a moment of self-discovery, she exchanges blood with her vampire captor, binding herself to him. She feels the hollow void of his emotions, every physical sensation he feels, and experiences his memories every time she takes blood from him.
As his lengthy past unfolds before her, she learns there’s a reason for her existence, a reason he knew about because he was part of the vampire council that wants her back. Morana accepts that she’s half vampire, bound to an emotionless void of a being, and craves blood, but not that she’s a pawn in an attempt to evolve the vampire species.
Morana must find balance within the turmoil, decide whom she can trust and elude the councils’ servants who’ve been sent for her, because something tells her she’s more than anyone conceives.
THE LAST SCION, an 87,000-word adult urban fantasy novel, is set against the backdrop of brutal murders rocking Seattle shoreline and explores evolution and its fragility.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jodi Henry
QUERY SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER (ROUND II)
Click here to read the original query.
I revised my query based on all of the great suggestions you all have provided, again many thanks! this would be the more generalized version of the query, with a more accurate word count.
if anyone wants to find out more information about my story, you are welcome to visit http://www.roymauritsen.com (you can watch the book trailer there.)
thanks everyone- here's the query:
Dear_______,
Enclosed is an introduction to my story's plotline, along with some additional information about my novel.
In the aftermath of Happily Ever After, Cinderella has risen to the throne, although the once-innocent princess has now become a far more wicked prodigy of her stepmother. She reigns over her kingdom with tyrannical abandon. A rebel band of fairy tale heroes, led by General Snow White and her dwarven resistance fighters, discovers Cinderella's plans to invade Alice's Wonderland. Time is running out as Snow White, Rapunzel, Goldilocks, and others mount a desperate attempt to stop Cinderella before her plans destroy the kingdom and everything they hold dear. The rebels' only hope of success rests on the shoulders of a young girl named Patience Muffet. Patience carries the fabled shards of Cinderella's glass slippers, as well as the dark secret of who murdered the last of the fairy godmothers.
SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER, at about 118,000 words is YA fantasy novel with strong female heroes. Classic fairy tale characters are faithfully reinterpreted from their fabled origins and are woven into an ensemble cast with the benefit of pre-existing familiarity. Although SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER can be stand-alone story with resolution, it has great potential to be made into a series of books.
As a professional graphic artist, I have had the opportunity to build exposure for this concept. I was awarded Best in Show for my artwork from SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER and have gone on to display at several fantasy convention art shows,including DragonCon. I have received enthusiastic feedback and great interest in this story while in attendance at these events.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Roy Mauritsen
I revised my query based on all of the great suggestions you all have provided, again many thanks! this would be the more generalized version of the query, with a more accurate word count.
if anyone wants to find out more information about my story, you are welcome to visit http://www.roymauritsen.com (you can watch the book trailer there.)
thanks everyone- here's the query:
Dear_______,
Enclosed is an introduction to my story's plotline, along with some additional information about my novel.
In the aftermath of Happily Ever After, Cinderella has risen to the throne, although the once-innocent princess has now become a far more wicked prodigy of her stepmother. She reigns over her kingdom with tyrannical abandon. A rebel band of fairy tale heroes, led by General Snow White and her dwarven resistance fighters, discovers Cinderella's plans to invade Alice's Wonderland. Time is running out as Snow White, Rapunzel, Goldilocks, and others mount a desperate attempt to stop Cinderella before her plans destroy the kingdom and everything they hold dear. The rebels' only hope of success rests on the shoulders of a young girl named Patience Muffet. Patience carries the fabled shards of Cinderella's glass slippers, as well as the dark secret of who murdered the last of the fairy godmothers.
SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER, at about 118,000 words is YA fantasy novel with strong female heroes. Classic fairy tale characters are faithfully reinterpreted from their fabled origins and are woven into an ensemble cast with the benefit of pre-existing familiarity. Although SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER can be stand-alone story with resolution, it has great potential to be made into a series of books.
As a professional graphic artist, I have had the opportunity to build exposure for this concept. I was awarded Best in Show for my artwork from SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER and have gone on to display at several fantasy convention art shows,including DragonCon. I have received enthusiastic feedback and great interest in this story while in attendance at these events.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Roy Mauritsen
Sep 6, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness (3rd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read what was once the supposed final revesion ;-)
Please disregard the previous version (2nd) saying "Final Revision." Despite my stance, I realized I could gain more for filling out the query to that 250 mark. Thanks to all!
Dear [agent],
[Personal introduction.]
Valence, a Lunata warrior, hears a not-so-avoidable voice in his head. It pokes around and guides him, but also haunts him to remember his greatest sin -- the day he killed a friend. He claims he was forced to murder, but by an unknown means. For fourteen years, he has lived among the diverse races of Villis-Idun, each of which fear the Lunata.
Valence has an equal fear that the people cannot sense. Evidence grows that the Darkness, a destructive infection, has returned to their land. It claims its victims' hearts and transforms them into murderous creatures. Already, Valence is hunted by creatures and servants of the infection, but he seeks salvation for himself and the innocent. Along with a few strong-willed friends, he must scour Villis-Idun and rediscover how the infection was first contained.
The fight for survival quickly becomes a war, and Valence is charged with saving those he has never met. He must shed his stigma and regain his honor. He must relearn to trust those who have wronged him, all while unifying a nation against an enemy they cannot see. If they cannot suppress the infection, the Darkness’ path will be open to destroy all interracial civilization.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper.
Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read what was once the supposed final revesion ;-)
Please disregard the previous version (2nd) saying "Final Revision." Despite my stance, I realized I could gain more for filling out the query to that 250 mark. Thanks to all!
Dear [agent],
[Personal introduction.]
Valence, a Lunata warrior, hears a not-so-avoidable voice in his head. It pokes around and guides him, but also haunts him to remember his greatest sin -- the day he killed a friend. He claims he was forced to murder, but by an unknown means. For fourteen years, he has lived among the diverse races of Villis-Idun, each of which fear the Lunata.
Valence has an equal fear that the people cannot sense. Evidence grows that the Darkness, a destructive infection, has returned to their land. It claims its victims' hearts and transforms them into murderous creatures. Already, Valence is hunted by creatures and servants of the infection, but he seeks salvation for himself and the innocent. Along with a few strong-willed friends, he must scour Villis-Idun and rediscover how the infection was first contained.
The fight for survival quickly becomes a war, and Valence is charged with saving those he has never met. He must shed his stigma and regain his honor. He must relearn to trust those who have wronged him, all while unifying a nation against an enemy they cannot see. If they cannot suppress the infection, the Darkness’ path will be open to destroy all interracial civilization.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sep 5, 2010
Query- Off the Edge (2nd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks for all your great feedback. I hope this is my final draft. I don't want to talk more about the accident, because everything I've learned about query says to not give away the ending (cuz the accident is crazy). I'm confused on what genre still. It's a romance novel, but it's also full of adventure and suspense. Any thoughts?
Dear (Agent):
Twenty-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and unlucky in love. When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about boys. She's determined to spend the summer on the beach, healing her heart and working on her tan.
So, when the handsome Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a player is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change. She tries keeping their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves difficult to resist.
When Eden agrees to accompany him on a sailing trip to Maui, she finds herself jumping off cliffs (something she swore she would never do again), swimming with sharks, and braving a storm that threatens to sink their tiny sailboat. Eden falls hard for Noa and quickly discovers why his reputation is the talk of the town.
But it might not matter when something unexpected risks everything—including her life.
"Off the Edge" is a complete 94,000 word romance novel.
I spent five years as a tour guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island, culture, and expectations of typical tourists. To find out more, please visit my website at www.erinapelu.com.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Erin Apelu
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks for all your great feedback. I hope this is my final draft. I don't want to talk more about the accident, because everything I've learned about query says to not give away the ending (cuz the accident is crazy). I'm confused on what genre still. It's a romance novel, but it's also full of adventure and suspense. Any thoughts?
Dear (Agent):
Twenty-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and unlucky in love. When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about boys. She's determined to spend the summer on the beach, healing her heart and working on her tan.
So, when the handsome Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a player is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change. She tries keeping their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves difficult to resist.
When Eden agrees to accompany him on a sailing trip to Maui, she finds herself jumping off cliffs (something she swore she would never do again), swimming with sharks, and braving a storm that threatens to sink their tiny sailboat. Eden falls hard for Noa and quickly discovers why his reputation is the talk of the town.
But it might not matter when something unexpected risks everything—including her life.
"Off the Edge" is a complete 94,000 word romance novel.
I spent five years as a tour guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island, culture, and expectations of typical tourists. To find out more, please visit my website at www.erinapelu.com.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Erin Apelu
Sep 4, 2010
Query - The End Begins (4th Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Editor/Agent,
The End Begins follows Rai coping as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of the world around her so she can reunite with her father; lost in a dystopian United States.
For her latest assignment she must reach the Source of Sentient Free Will and protect it from the C.U.T. an invading enemy force taking control of alien technology as they conquer the country settlement by settlement.
But the population of non-human anomalies is growing and forces C.U.T. to go after the coveted Artifact ahead of their schedule. And they will take down anyone in their path to reign control over the population.
Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, Rai must navigate dangerous territory while racing against C.U.T. for the sake not only of her own personal peace, but for the dying country whose life continues to be sucked dry.
The End Begins is a 120,000 word science fantasy story with sample chapters available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Editor/Agent,
The End Begins follows Rai coping as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of the world around her so she can reunite with her father; lost in a dystopian United States.
For her latest assignment she must reach the Source of Sentient Free Will and protect it from the C.U.T. an invading enemy force taking control of alien technology as they conquer the country settlement by settlement.
But the population of non-human anomalies is growing and forces C.U.T. to go after the coveted Artifact ahead of their schedule. And they will take down anyone in their path to reign control over the population.
Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, Rai must navigate dangerous territory while racing against C.U.T. for the sake not only of her own personal peace, but for the dying country whose life continues to be sucked dry.
The End Begins is a 120,000 word science fantasy story with sample chapters available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
QUERY- SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER
Dear AGENT,
Good morning! I was given your name by a colleague who thought you might be interested in a fantasy/fairy tale novel that I have been working on. Below please find an introduction to the story's plotline, along with some additional information about the novel.
In the aftermath of Happily Ever After, Cinderella has risen to the throne, although the once-innocent princess is now more wicked than her stepmother. She reigns over her kingdom with tyrannical abandon. A rebel band of fairy tale heroes, led by General Snow White and her dwarven resistance fighters, discovers Cinderella's power hungry plans to invade Alice's Wonderland. Time is running out as Snow White, Rapunzel, Goldilocks, and others mount a desperate attempt to stop Cinderella before her war destroys the kingdom and everything they hold dear. The rebels' only hope of success rests on the shoulders of a young girl named Patience Muffet. Patience carries the fabled shards of Cinderella's glass slippers, as well as the dark secret of who murdered the last of the fairy god mothers.
SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER, at about 114,000 words, is a quest-centered fairy tale adventure with strong female heroes, and should appeal to Young Adult fans that enjoy such popular fantasy series as "The Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter." Classic fairy tale characters are faithfully reinterpreted from their fabled origins and are woven into an ensemble cast with the benefit of pre-existing familiarity. It is no coincidence that Hollywood continues to draw from these stories, as evidenced by a multitude of Disney blockbusters, as well as the recent success of "Alice in Wonderland." In addition, although SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER is a stand-alone story with a satisfying resolution, it has great potential to be made into a series of books.
As a professional graphic artist, I have had the opportunity to build a significant fan base for this story. My award-winning artwork from SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER has been displayed at several fantasy convention art shows, including DragonCon, which was attended by more than 30,000 people in 2009. I have received enthusiastic feedback and great interest in this story while in attendance at these events and via the Internet.
Please let me know if you would like me to submit chapter samples, as well as a promotional kit that provides more information about the story and its
characters. You may also visit [WEBSITE NOT PROVIDED] for more information about
the story and the artwork.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Good morning! I was given your name by a colleague who thought you might be interested in a fantasy/fairy tale novel that I have been working on. Below please find an introduction to the story's plotline, along with some additional information about the novel.
In the aftermath of Happily Ever After, Cinderella has risen to the throne, although the once-innocent princess is now more wicked than her stepmother. She reigns over her kingdom with tyrannical abandon. A rebel band of fairy tale heroes, led by General Snow White and her dwarven resistance fighters, discovers Cinderella's power hungry plans to invade Alice's Wonderland. Time is running out as Snow White, Rapunzel, Goldilocks, and others mount a desperate attempt to stop Cinderella before her war destroys the kingdom and everything they hold dear. The rebels' only hope of success rests on the shoulders of a young girl named Patience Muffet. Patience carries the fabled shards of Cinderella's glass slippers, as well as the dark secret of who murdered the last of the fairy god mothers.
SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER, at about 114,000 words, is a quest-centered fairy tale adventure with strong female heroes, and should appeal to Young Adult fans that enjoy such popular fantasy series as "The Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter." Classic fairy tale characters are faithfully reinterpreted from their fabled origins and are woven into an ensemble cast with the benefit of pre-existing familiarity. It is no coincidence that Hollywood continues to draw from these stories, as evidenced by a multitude of Disney blockbusters, as well as the recent success of "Alice in Wonderland." In addition, although SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER is a stand-alone story with a satisfying resolution, it has great potential to be made into a series of books.
As a professional graphic artist, I have had the opportunity to build a significant fan base for this story. My award-winning artwork from SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER has been displayed at several fantasy convention art shows, including DragonCon, which was attended by more than 30,000 people in 2009. I have received enthusiastic feedback and great interest in this story while in attendance at these events and via the Internet.
Please let me know if you would like me to submit chapter samples, as well as a promotional kit that provides more information about the story and its
characters. You may also visit [WEBSITE NOT PROVIDED] for more information about
the story and the artwork.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Query - Penahligon's Attic
Dear Agent.
Molly Mackenzie is quite happy to be moving to Cornwall. She’s upset Gran died, of course; they were very close, and living in her home will be difficult to begin with. But Molly likes the little town of Helston, she likes her school, her new friends, and she particularly likes her part-time job in Gran’s bookshop.
What she doesn’t like, is discovering the ghost of a sixteen year old girl has been prowling the attic for over 350 years. According to local lore, Amy Trevellick had been murdered over an illicit affair by her brother, Sebastian. Now she haunts what used to be the town jail, where Sebastian had spent his last hours before being hanged for the crime.
Sebastian himself haunts the inn where Amy died, and when Molly’s friend – keen to help her investigate – ventures too close, Sebastian mistakes him for the reborn spirit of the man who had caused the deadly confrontation there.
Unless Molly can unite the two ghosts and uncover the truth of what happened the night Amy died, Sebastian’s need for revenge will drive him across the thin divide between the territories of the dead and the living, and more innocents will die.
In her search for a way to save her friend, Molly finds Granny Ally’s diaries, filled with the ramblings of a woman generally dismissed as likeable but eccentric. But they prove Gran to have been far more in tune with her world than her indulgent but sceptical family had ever imagined.
PENHALIGON’S ATTIC, a paranormal tale for young adults, is complete at 70,000 words.
Many thanks for your time.
Molly Mackenzie is quite happy to be moving to Cornwall. She’s upset Gran died, of course; they were very close, and living in her home will be difficult to begin with. But Molly likes the little town of Helston, she likes her school, her new friends, and she particularly likes her part-time job in Gran’s bookshop.
What she doesn’t like, is discovering the ghost of a sixteen year old girl has been prowling the attic for over 350 years. According to local lore, Amy Trevellick had been murdered over an illicit affair by her brother, Sebastian. Now she haunts what used to be the town jail, where Sebastian had spent his last hours before being hanged for the crime.
Sebastian himself haunts the inn where Amy died, and when Molly’s friend – keen to help her investigate – ventures too close, Sebastian mistakes him for the reborn spirit of the man who had caused the deadly confrontation there.
Unless Molly can unite the two ghosts and uncover the truth of what happened the night Amy died, Sebastian’s need for revenge will drive him across the thin divide between the territories of the dead and the living, and more innocents will die.
In her search for a way to save her friend, Molly finds Granny Ally’s diaries, filled with the ramblings of a woman generally dismissed as likeable but eccentric. But they prove Gran to have been far more in tune with her world than her indulgent but sceptical family had ever imagined.
PENHALIGON’S ATTIC, a paranormal tale for young adults, is complete at 70,000 words.
Many thanks for your time.
Sep 3, 2010
Query- Tainted Legacy (2nd Revision.)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Many thanks to all who've helped out with this, I hope I've taken in account all the great advice. And thanks, Rick, for providing this amazing service, it's wonderful!
Dear _______
All Lizzy Parker wants is to do a good job, and as scullery maid for the Creswells she works hard and learns quickly. But when a priceless Creswell heirloom goes missing and all the evidence points towards her, who’s going to care whether or not she scrubs a good bedpan?
Lizzy finds herself in the dock for the theft, and her only alibi hangs on the word of Jack Buchanan; a regular visitor to the house and the subject of much below-stairs gossip – some even say he killed his best friend during their tour of duty in Africa.
Despite the rumours, Lizzy pins her hopes on the unspoken bond that has grown between them, hoping that will bring him to her rescue. But Jack lets her down and, with the evidence stacked against her, Lizzy is convicted and sentenced to five years in Holloway.
She is forced to put her trust in Jack once more when, shortly after her release, her sister is kidnapped in the belief Lizzy still has the diamond.
Aware he owes her, Jack agrees to help and as they work together to release Emily, Lizzy learns the truth about Jack and the secret war work that had kept him from giving evidence at her trial. She also learns that those rumours are true: he did kill his friend, he admits it. The choice Lizzy must make now, is whether she can trust him with her life.
Following your guidelines in the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook, I am pleased to enclose the synopsis and first three chapters of my 98,000 word historical novel TAINTED LEGACY, for your consideration.
I am currently writing a companion novella covering Lizzy’s time in prison, entitled The Stolen Years.
Many thanks for your time.
Click here to read the first revision.
Many thanks to all who've helped out with this, I hope I've taken in account all the great advice. And thanks, Rick, for providing this amazing service, it's wonderful!
Dear _______
All Lizzy Parker wants is to do a good job, and as scullery maid for the Creswells she works hard and learns quickly. But when a priceless Creswell heirloom goes missing and all the evidence points towards her, who’s going to care whether or not she scrubs a good bedpan?
Lizzy finds herself in the dock for the theft, and her only alibi hangs on the word of Jack Buchanan; a regular visitor to the house and the subject of much below-stairs gossip – some even say he killed his best friend during their tour of duty in Africa.
Despite the rumours, Lizzy pins her hopes on the unspoken bond that has grown between them, hoping that will bring him to her rescue. But Jack lets her down and, with the evidence stacked against her, Lizzy is convicted and sentenced to five years in Holloway.
She is forced to put her trust in Jack once more when, shortly after her release, her sister is kidnapped in the belief Lizzy still has the diamond.
Aware he owes her, Jack agrees to help and as they work together to release Emily, Lizzy learns the truth about Jack and the secret war work that had kept him from giving evidence at her trial. She also learns that those rumours are true: he did kill his friend, he admits it. The choice Lizzy must make now, is whether she can trust him with her life.
Following your guidelines in the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook, I am pleased to enclose the synopsis and first three chapters of my 98,000 word historical novel TAINTED LEGACY, for your consideration.
I am currently writing a companion novella covering Lizzy’s time in prison, entitled The Stolen Years.
Many thanks for your time.
Query: BOUND
Dear (NAME)
Private investigator, Grant Stevens, has been watching Morana Lewis her entire life. When the daughter of his long time acquaintance turns up brutally murdered he’s called in to track down the killer. Morana tops the list of suspects because she’s like Grant, half vampire, only she doesn’t know it.
Grant eliminates Morana as a suspect, and finds she’s started the transition that will bring her vampire traits out. He’s been waiting for the day to no longer be alone in limbo between two species and to gain freedom from the vampire council, but both come with a price—Morana. And he’s fallen in love with her.
Determined to stop the murders rocking Seattle’s shoreline and keep Morana from transitioning, Grant’s focus is split. The body count continues to grow and he loses Morana to a vampire. Grant knows the vampire will force Morana through the transition, but he doesn’t know the vampire intends to seal the blood bond with her.
That’s just one of the many things Grant doesn’t know.
As he closes in on the killer, pieces to a puzzle he didn’t know existed fall into place. As they do, Grant’s world tips upside down. He’s forced to do two things he never thought himself capable of: kill a friend and make an alliance with a vampire, all to protect a woman he can never have; a woman that if allowed to fulfill her purpose for existing, will bring about the decimation of humans and vampires alike.
I am unpublished and seeking representation for BOUND, an 87,000-word adult urban fantasy novel about murder and evolution.
Thank you for your consideration,
(NAME)
Private investigator, Grant Stevens, has been watching Morana Lewis her entire life. When the daughter of his long time acquaintance turns up brutally murdered he’s called in to track down the killer. Morana tops the list of suspects because she’s like Grant, half vampire, only she doesn’t know it.
Grant eliminates Morana as a suspect, and finds she’s started the transition that will bring her vampire traits out. He’s been waiting for the day to no longer be alone in limbo between two species and to gain freedom from the vampire council, but both come with a price—Morana. And he’s fallen in love with her.
Determined to stop the murders rocking Seattle’s shoreline and keep Morana from transitioning, Grant’s focus is split. The body count continues to grow and he loses Morana to a vampire. Grant knows the vampire will force Morana through the transition, but he doesn’t know the vampire intends to seal the blood bond with her.
That’s just one of the many things Grant doesn’t know.
As he closes in on the killer, pieces to a puzzle he didn’t know existed fall into place. As they do, Grant’s world tips upside down. He’s forced to do two things he never thought himself capable of: kill a friend and make an alliance with a vampire, all to protect a woman he can never have; a woman that if allowed to fulfill her purpose for existing, will bring about the decimation of humans and vampires alike.
I am unpublished and seeking representation for BOUND, an 87,000-word adult urban fantasy novel about murder and evolution.
Thank you for your consideration,
(NAME)
Query- "Off the Edge" (1st Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear (Agent):
Nineteen-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and unlucky in love. When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin, Claire, for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about boys. She's determined to spend the summer on the beach, healing her heart and getting a tan.
So, when a charming playboy named Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a player is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change. She tries her best to keep their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves difficult to resist.
But it might not matter when an unexpected accident risks everything--including her life.
"Off the Edge" is a complete 96,000 word young adult novel.
I spent five years as a tour-guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island and culture and expectations of typical tourists. To find out more, please visit my website at www.erinapelu.com.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Erin Apelu
Dear (Agent):
Nineteen-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and unlucky in love. When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin, Claire, for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about boys. She's determined to spend the summer on the beach, healing her heart and getting a tan.
So, when a charming playboy named Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a player is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change. She tries her best to keep their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves difficult to resist.
But it might not matter when an unexpected accident risks everything--including her life.
"Off the Edge" is a complete 96,000 word young adult novel.
I spent five years as a tour-guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island and culture and expectations of typical tourists. To find out more, please visit my website at www.erinapelu.com.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Erin Apelu
Query: Dead Spell (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Brea Miller is struggling with the social lines of small town Reston High School. She is coping with the tragic loss of her father. Her mother's in major denial. And Harmony Wolcott, her troubled best friend and one person she can talk to, is spiraling out of control.
When Harmony dies, Brea feels guilty about the fight that defined their last days as friends. She inherits Harmony's Ouija board and faces her fear of the supernatural to use it, hoping to apologize and to find out why she committed suicide.
Brea's disapproving mother destroys the board but Harmony has a message to deliver and keeping her away from Brea has never been easy. Harmony's spirit has already used the Ouija to possess Brea and now that the board is gone, she has no choice but to inhabit her until she's delivered it. Brea begins having nightmares of a broken down house in the woods--a house that exists in real life--and undergoes drastic physical and emotional changes that catch the attention of Adam, Harmony's former boyfriend.
Brea goes from reclusive to reckless, breaking down barriers at school and at home by asserting herself in a way only Harmony knew how. She is torn between living life as Brea or as Harmony and between the boys in each of their lives. As she investigates the house’s dark history and its tie to Harmony, she finds love and pain, acceptance and grief, and a way to help mother move on. Thrown headlong into Harmony's fast-lane life, Brea searches for closure and realizes that even best friends have secrets.
Dead Spell is a paranormal young adult novel complete at 55,000 words.
Brea Miller is struggling with the social lines of small town Reston High School. She is coping with the tragic loss of her father. Her mother's in major denial. And Harmony Wolcott, her troubled best friend and one person she can talk to, is spiraling out of control.
When Harmony dies, Brea feels guilty about the fight that defined their last days as friends. She inherits Harmony's Ouija board and faces her fear of the supernatural to use it, hoping to apologize and to find out why she committed suicide.
Brea's disapproving mother destroys the board but Harmony has a message to deliver and keeping her away from Brea has never been easy. Harmony's spirit has already used the Ouija to possess Brea and now that the board is gone, she has no choice but to inhabit her until she's delivered it. Brea begins having nightmares of a broken down house in the woods--a house that exists in real life--and undergoes drastic physical and emotional changes that catch the attention of Adam, Harmony's former boyfriend.
Brea goes from reclusive to reckless, breaking down barriers at school and at home by asserting herself in a way only Harmony knew how. She is torn between living life as Brea or as Harmony and between the boys in each of their lives. As she investigates the house’s dark history and its tie to Harmony, she finds love and pain, acceptance and grief, and a way to help mother move on. Thrown headlong into Harmony's fast-lane life, Brea searches for closure and realizes that even best friends have secrets.
Dead Spell is a paranormal young adult novel complete at 55,000 words.
Query- Sub Rosa (Second Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
(Thanks to everyone who has critiqued my previous queries. Your advice has been constructive and supportive, and I hope to do you all proud with this effort! So, in the interests of keeping it short and sweet, here goes...)
The dinner party didn’t turn out the way Aemilius Valerius expected. He didn’t expect a place at the main table. He didn’t expect to drink that much. He didn’t expect to hook up with one of the scarier dancers. And he certainly didn’t expect to trip over the bloody corpse of his host on the floor of the informal dining room.
One man’s grisly murder is another man’s opportunity. Valerius teams up with the investigator, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.
Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Burke
Click here to read the first revision.
(Thanks to everyone who has critiqued my previous queries. Your advice has been constructive and supportive, and I hope to do you all proud with this effort! So, in the interests of keeping it short and sweet, here goes...)
The dinner party didn’t turn out the way Aemilius Valerius expected. He didn’t expect a place at the main table. He didn’t expect to drink that much. He didn’t expect to hook up with one of the scarier dancers. And he certainly didn’t expect to trip over the bloody corpse of his host on the floor of the informal dining room.
One man’s grisly murder is another man’s opportunity. Valerius teams up with the investigator, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.
Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Burke
Sep 2, 2010
Off the Edge Query
Dear (Agent):
Nineteen-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and well endowed. Her adventurous personality and perfect figure makes her the envy of many girls from her small town in Idaho. But Eden is unexpectedly single and always leery of attention from the opposite sex after enduring a life-time of unwanted eyeball body scans and inappropriate comments. After finding the “man of her dreams,” she is dumped and discarded like yesterday’s paper when she won’t take their relationship to the next step—physically.
When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin, Claire, for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about the male species. But Claire puts “Operation Eden” into play from day one, and tries setting her up with beach-volleyball-surfers hoping her cousin will find someone like her own Adonis-like boyfriend. Eden has no intention of indulging her cousin’s desires and only wants to relax on the beach while preparing her brain to start college in the fall.
Everything changes when Eden meets Noa, the mysterious playboy back from college and the one boy who can never be hers. She’s determined to have him, but only in her fantasy—the safest place for her beaten-down heart. When the charming Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a "player" is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change, and she’s not willing to take that train again. Not to mention his “supposed” lunatic ex-girlfriend is stalking her. She tries her best to keep their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves this a difficult task. When Eden agrees to accompany him on a sailing trip to Maui, she finds herself jumping off cliffs (something she swore she would never do again), swimming with sharks, and braving a storm that threatens to sink their tiny sailboat. Eden falls hard for the charming playboy, but it might not matter when an unexpected accident will most surely take everything away, including her life.
Eden’s summer adventure in Hawaii starts as a journey of escape, but follows deeper paths of real love and self-discovery. Come join Eden as she spends an adventurous summer in Paradise discovering if taking the leap of love is worth the risk. Told in Eden’s distinctive voice, at turns sarcastic and sensitive, “Off the Edge” is a complete 96,000 word young adult novel.
I spent five years as a tour-guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island, culture, and expectations of typical tourists. Based on my real-life adventures while attending Brigham Young University Hawaii on the North Shore of Oahu, “Off the Edge” brings to life the everyday insecurities that young adults face with heartbreak, love, and lose.
Nineteen-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and well endowed. Her adventurous personality and perfect figure makes her the envy of many girls from her small town in Idaho. But Eden is unexpectedly single and always leery of attention from the opposite sex after enduring a life-time of unwanted eyeball body scans and inappropriate comments. After finding the “man of her dreams,” she is dumped and discarded like yesterday’s paper when she won’t take their relationship to the next step—physically.
When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin, Claire, for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about the male species. But Claire puts “Operation Eden” into play from day one, and tries setting her up with beach-volleyball-surfers hoping her cousin will find someone like her own Adonis-like boyfriend. Eden has no intention of indulging her cousin’s desires and only wants to relax on the beach while preparing her brain to start college in the fall.
Everything changes when Eden meets Noa, the mysterious playboy back from college and the one boy who can never be hers. She’s determined to have him, but only in her fantasy—the safest place for her beaten-down heart. When the charming Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a "player" is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change, and she’s not willing to take that train again. Not to mention his “supposed” lunatic ex-girlfriend is stalking her. She tries her best to keep their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves this a difficult task. When Eden agrees to accompany him on a sailing trip to Maui, she finds herself jumping off cliffs (something she swore she would never do again), swimming with sharks, and braving a storm that threatens to sink their tiny sailboat. Eden falls hard for the charming playboy, but it might not matter when an unexpected accident will most surely take everything away, including her life.
Eden’s summer adventure in Hawaii starts as a journey of escape, but follows deeper paths of real love and self-discovery. Come join Eden as she spends an adventurous summer in Paradise discovering if taking the leap of love is worth the risk. Told in Eden’s distinctive voice, at turns sarcastic and sensitive, “Off the Edge” is a complete 96,000 word young adult novel.
I spent five years as a tour-guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island, culture, and expectations of typical tourists. Based on my real-life adventures while attending Brigham Young University Hawaii on the North Shore of Oahu, “Off the Edge” brings to life the everyday insecurities that young adults face with heartbreak, love, and lose.
Query: Dead Spell
Brea Miller is straddling the social lines of small town Reston High School. On one hand, she’s caught the attention of one of its most popular boys and will have to take on an “elite” to get him. On the other, being one of the “in crowd” means betraying Harmony Wolcott, her outcast best friend of ten years whose never-ending criminal behavior has her in more trouble than out.
She is coping with the tragic loss of her Army sergeant father. Her mother's in major denial. And Harmony, the one person she can talk to, is out of control.
When Harmony dies, Brea feels guilty about the fight that defined their last days as friends. She inherits Harmony's Ouija board and faces her fear of the supernatural hoping to apologize and to find out why she committed suicide.
In short time, Brea's disapproving mother destroys the board leaving Brea possessed of Harmony's spirit. She begins having nightmares of a broken down house in the woods--a house that exists in real life--and undergoes drastic physical and emotional changes that catch the attention of Adam, Harmony's former boyfriend.
Brea goes from reclusive to reckless, breaking down barriers at school and at home by asserting herself in a way only Harmony knew how. She is torn between the good and bad boys and between living life as Brea or as Harmony. She investigates the house and its dark Wolcott history finding love and pain, acceptance and grief, and a way to help mother move on. As she experiences Harmony's fast-lane life and searches for closure, she realizes even best friends have secrets.
Dead Spell is a paranormal young adult novel complete at 55,000 words.
She is coping with the tragic loss of her Army sergeant father. Her mother's in major denial. And Harmony, the one person she can talk to, is out of control.
When Harmony dies, Brea feels guilty about the fight that defined their last days as friends. She inherits Harmony's Ouija board and faces her fear of the supernatural hoping to apologize and to find out why she committed suicide.
In short time, Brea's disapproving mother destroys the board leaving Brea possessed of Harmony's spirit. She begins having nightmares of a broken down house in the woods--a house that exists in real life--and undergoes drastic physical and emotional changes that catch the attention of Adam, Harmony's former boyfriend.
Brea goes from reclusive to reckless, breaking down barriers at school and at home by asserting herself in a way only Harmony knew how. She is torn between the good and bad boys and between living life as Brea or as Harmony. She investigates the house and its dark Wolcott history finding love and pain, acceptance and grief, and a way to help mother move on. As she experiences Harmony's fast-lane life and searches for closure, she realizes even best friends have secrets.
Dead Spell is a paranormal young adult novel complete at 55,000 words.
A Note on Submissions
Hey all,
Traffic on the site has been pretty high recently, and I'm busy in the day job and family life, so I want to let you know how I'm currently managing submissions.
I try to run through the submissions in the morning. They go great with coffee. I set up the posts for the day based on what's in queue by 7:00 am EST. [NOTE: That time may change or disappear altogether on any given day.]
I stagger the posts so each one gets 2-3 hours at the top of the list. I try to space them out as evenly as possible, but I don't schedule any to post in the wee hours of the morning (EST). I know there are followers in the UK and down under, maybe if the submission volume goes up I'll post round-the-clock so you can get updates in the daytime. Heck with your day jobs. You need the distraction.
I delete submissions from the submission comment thread when I prepare the posts. Except sometimes I forget to delete them. Or I forget to post them. Or blogger gives me an error. But to date, I am not aware of a situation where I deleted an entry and didn't post it. However, I probably just set the stage for the very thing to happen. Sorry to whomever it might affect. [NOTE TO GRAMMAR NERDS: I'm pretty sure that's the proper use of affect vs. effect. Also who vs. whom. If not, let me know in the comments. I don't have time to look it up right now.]
That's all for now. I have to line some queries up for the day.
Rick
Traffic on the site has been pretty high recently, and I'm busy in the day job and family life, so I want to let you know how I'm currently managing submissions.
I try to run through the submissions in the morning. They go great with coffee. I set up the posts for the day based on what's in queue by 7:00 am EST. [NOTE: That time may change or disappear altogether on any given day.]
I stagger the posts so each one gets 2-3 hours at the top of the list. I try to space them out as evenly as possible, but I don't schedule any to post in the wee hours of the morning (EST). I know there are followers in the UK and down under, maybe if the submission volume goes up I'll post round-the-clock so you can get updates in the daytime. Heck with your day jobs. You need the distraction.
I delete submissions from the submission comment thread when I prepare the posts. Except sometimes I forget to delete them. Or I forget to post them. Or blogger gives me an error. But to date, I am not aware of a situation where I deleted an entry and didn't post it. However, I probably just set the stage for the very thing to happen. Sorry to whomever it might affect. [NOTE TO GRAMMAR NERDS: I'm pretty sure that's the proper use of affect vs. effect. Also who vs. whom. If not, let me know in the comments. I don't have time to look it up right now.]
That's all for now. I have to line some queries up for the day.
Rick
Sep 1, 2010
Query - Live Action Pick-Up
Okay, y'all can have a chance to punch me back now. The destination-specific bit at the bottom is for the first place I intend to ask, Carina Press. They DO publish stories this length, so yeah, it's okay that it's not a novel.
Devan is only good at two things: martial arts and fantasy gaming. He's learned the hard way that he's not what women in their twenties want. When he meets a girl at a gaming convention, he's glad he's wearing a ninja costume so she can't see his face. He agrees to play linked characters in a live-action roleplaying game because she let him budge in line and it's too hard for an introvert to say no.
The longer he plays with her, though, the more he's impressed by her enthusiasm for the games they both love. All he knows about her is what he can tell from her costume and what leaks through the character she's playing. She knows how to wear heels. She loves the same books he loves. She's a good actress. In other words, she's out of his league. He thinks only chance is to impress her by playing the game well. That means using his luck with dice and his eye for intrigue to defeat the aliens and solve the murder mystery--without letting what he knows out-of-character influence what he knows in-character.
Live Action Pick-Up is a 19,000-word love story without explicit sexual content. I'm excited about the way Carina is opening up established publishing and strong editorial support to online markets that can offer readers stories too long for anthologies and too short for print on their own. The personal tidbits about the process that I see on Twitter and Facebook always impress me with both the commitment to quality I expect from professionals and the warmth that makes reading and selling romance so rewarding.
Sincerely,
Zee Lemke
Devan is only good at two things: martial arts and fantasy gaming. He's learned the hard way that he's not what women in their twenties want. When he meets a girl at a gaming convention, he's glad he's wearing a ninja costume so she can't see his face. He agrees to play linked characters in a live-action roleplaying game because she let him budge in line and it's too hard for an introvert to say no.
The longer he plays with her, though, the more he's impressed by her enthusiasm for the games they both love. All he knows about her is what he can tell from her costume and what leaks through the character she's playing. She knows how to wear heels. She loves the same books he loves. She's a good actress. In other words, she's out of his league. He thinks only chance is to impress her by playing the game well. That means using his luck with dice and his eye for intrigue to defeat the aliens and solve the murder mystery--without letting what he knows out-of-character influence what he knows in-character.
Live Action Pick-Up is a 19,000-word love story without explicit sexual content. I'm excited about the way Carina is opening up established publishing and strong editorial support to online markets that can offer readers stories too long for anthologies and too short for print on their own. The personal tidbits about the process that I see on Twitter and Facebook always impress me with both the commitment to quality I expect from professionals and the warmth that makes reading and selling romance so rewarding.
Sincerely,
Zee Lemke
Query - Tainted Legacy (1st Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear (named agent)
It’s 1912 and Lizzy Parker’s first day as a scullery maid at the Cheshire home of the Creswell Family is suitably inauspicious: before she even sets foot in the house she manages to make an enemy of ambitious kitchen maid, Ruth. And, as time will show, Ruth is a dangerous enemy to have.
Lizzy’s talent for minor trouble soon overtakes her ability to control it, and in a frightening step into deeper waters she finds herself in the dock for a crime she did not commit: the theft of a priceless diamond necklace belonging to the Creswells.
With Ruth only too keen to see her sent down, Lizzy’s only alibi hangs on the word of Creswell family friend, Jack Buchanan, and the below-stairs rumours about him are frightening to say the least – one such story declares him to have killed his best friend during their tour of duty in Africa.
But for his own shadowy reasons, Jack has disappeared and Lizzy is convicted of the theft and sentenced to five years in Holloway Prison.
Shortly after her release her sister is kidnapped – the kidnappers believing Lizzy to be in possession of the diamond and demanding its return. Having no other option, she tracks down Jack and calls in the debt, and he agrees to help her find Emily and the diamond.
Then she finds out those stories about Jack are true. The death of his friend in Africa was no accident; Jack admits he’d pulled the trigger himself.
Already in love with him, Lizzy has to make a choice: trust her instincts, or assume he knows more about the theft of the diamond, and the kidnap, than he is giving away. Either way, she and Emily are now in the hands of an extremely dangerous man.
Following your guidelines in the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook, I am pleased to enclose the synopsis and first three chapters of my 98,000 word historical novel TAINTED LEGACY, for your consideration.
Many thanks for your time and consideration.
Dear (named agent)
It’s 1912 and Lizzy Parker’s first day as a scullery maid at the Cheshire home of the Creswell Family is suitably inauspicious: before she even sets foot in the house she manages to make an enemy of ambitious kitchen maid, Ruth. And, as time will show, Ruth is a dangerous enemy to have.
Lizzy’s talent for minor trouble soon overtakes her ability to control it, and in a frightening step into deeper waters she finds herself in the dock for a crime she did not commit: the theft of a priceless diamond necklace belonging to the Creswells.
With Ruth only too keen to see her sent down, Lizzy’s only alibi hangs on the word of Creswell family friend, Jack Buchanan, and the below-stairs rumours about him are frightening to say the least – one such story declares him to have killed his best friend during their tour of duty in Africa.
But for his own shadowy reasons, Jack has disappeared and Lizzy is convicted of the theft and sentenced to five years in Holloway Prison.
Shortly after her release her sister is kidnapped – the kidnappers believing Lizzy to be in possession of the diamond and demanding its return. Having no other option, she tracks down Jack and calls in the debt, and he agrees to help her find Emily and the diamond.
Then she finds out those stories about Jack are true. The death of his friend in Africa was no accident; Jack admits he’d pulled the trigger himself.
Already in love with him, Lizzy has to make a choice: trust her instincts, or assume he knows more about the theft of the diamond, and the kidnap, than he is giving away. Either way, she and Emily are now in the hands of an extremely dangerous man.
Following your guidelines in the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook, I am pleased to enclose the synopsis and first three chapters of my 98,000 word historical novel TAINTED LEGACY, for your consideration.
Many thanks for your time and consideration.
QUERY - SUB ROSA (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
The dinner party didn’t turn out the way Aemilius Valerius expected. He didn’t expect a place at the main table. He didn’t expect to drink that much. He didn’t expect to hook up with one of the scarier dancers. And he certainly didn’t expect to trip over the bloody corpse of his host on the floor of the informal dining room.
Rome, 58 AD. Valerius is back from the army. He is young, wealthy and has a pedigree stretching back to the founding of Rome, but unless he can get a job offer soon he’ll never have the career expected of a man of his rank.
One man’s grisly murder, it turns out, is another man’s opportunity. Valerius finds himself working with the investigator Atreus, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother Agrippina. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.
There are the added complications of an ex-brother-in-law who fell on his sword, a slum gangster who wants Atreus dead, political pressures, class divisions, and Valerius’ ongoing domestic hassles with his wife, sister, stepdaughter and assorted slaves.
Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
The dinner party didn’t turn out the way Aemilius Valerius expected. He didn’t expect a place at the main table. He didn’t expect to drink that much. He didn’t expect to hook up with one of the scarier dancers. And he certainly didn’t expect to trip over the bloody corpse of his host on the floor of the informal dining room.
Rome, 58 AD. Valerius is back from the army. He is young, wealthy and has a pedigree stretching back to the founding of Rome, but unless he can get a job offer soon he’ll never have the career expected of a man of his rank.
One man’s grisly murder, it turns out, is another man’s opportunity. Valerius finds himself working with the investigator Atreus, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother Agrippina. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.
There are the added complications of an ex-brother-in-law who fell on his sword, a slum gangster who wants Atreus dead, political pressures, class divisions, and Valerius’ ongoing domestic hassles with his wife, sister, stepdaughter and assorted slaves.
Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Crystor (1st Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent:
Seventeen-year-old Kira Edwards can deal with her friend, Lydia, having two spirits—one of whom hates her—but when she finds out Lydia’s brother wants to eat her, well, that’s just not acceptable.
When Lydia is severely injured, Kira chooses to accept the Crystor, a magical healing charm that not only gives her the power to heal Lydia, but enhances Kira’s natural ability to sense danger. Good thing, because Lydia’s brother, Octavion, is the victim of an ancient curse that gives him the heart of a wild cat and if he can’t control his primal instincts, Kira may be his next victim. But Kira can see through his tough exterior and has a plan. If she can find a way to tame the beast raging within him, he might let her into his heart. If not, she’ll pay the ultimate price.
THE CRYSTOR is a YA paranormal romance at 103,000 words that has the potential to cross over into the New Adult market. It will appeal to the same audience as Shiver and Graceling.
The completed manuscript is available for your review.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent:
Seventeen-year-old Kira Edwards can deal with her friend, Lydia, having two spirits—one of whom hates her—but when she finds out Lydia’s brother wants to eat her, well, that’s just not acceptable.
When Lydia is severely injured, Kira chooses to accept the Crystor, a magical healing charm that not only gives her the power to heal Lydia, but enhances Kira’s natural ability to sense danger. Good thing, because Lydia’s brother, Octavion, is the victim of an ancient curse that gives him the heart of a wild cat and if he can’t control his primal instincts, Kira may be his next victim. But Kira can see through his tough exterior and has a plan. If she can find a way to tame the beast raging within him, he might let her into his heart. If not, she’ll pay the ultimate price.
THE CRYSTOR is a YA paranormal romance at 103,000 words that has the potential to cross over into the New Adult market. It will appeal to the same audience as Shiver and Graceling.
The completed manuscript is available for your review.
Sincerely,
QUERY- GREEN-EYED MONSTER, 1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Dear AGENT NAME,
After PERSONAL TIDBIT, I believe my 80,000 word urban fantasy novel, GREEN-EYED MONSTER, may be a good fit for your representation.
Rookie detective Lucy Santone measures everything with the black and white rulebook of the Detroit Metro Police Department. Since tangling with a homicidal carjacker, she also sees demons crawling on suspects, a halo above the cleaning lady, and a stalker-angel who claims to be her Guardian. Denial’s easy until the delusions try to kill her.
During an arson investigation, Lucy uncovers the involvement of Levi Johanneson, the director of an NPO that renovates dilapidated houses. It’s all from the goodness of his shriveled heart until the contract comes due: one soul, a bit singed. Caveat emptor takes on new meaning when dealing with the agents of Good and Evil.
But Levi's not the only player in town. Another demon is vying for control over the broken souls of Detroit. Combined they have too many minions, too much power. She refuses to back down, but Lucy is in over her not-so-delusional head.
When each demon offers her an alliance, she is forced to make a choice: the citizens she swore to protect, or her own ticket to the pearly gates. Suddenly the rulebook looks a little gray.
GREEN-EYED MONSTER is a fantastical twist on detective fiction, researched through interviews with police/arson experts. I have a synopsis for a potential sequel.
The first five pages are included below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Mesmerix @ Scribbler to Scribe
http://mesmerix.blogspot.com/
Dear AGENT NAME,
After PERSONAL TIDBIT, I believe my 80,000 word urban fantasy novel, GREEN-EYED MONSTER, may be a good fit for your representation.
Rookie detective Lucy Santone measures everything with the black and white rulebook of the Detroit Metro Police Department. Since tangling with a homicidal carjacker, she also sees demons crawling on suspects, a halo above the cleaning lady, and a stalker-angel who claims to be her Guardian. Denial’s easy until the delusions try to kill her.
During an arson investigation, Lucy uncovers the involvement of Levi Johanneson, the director of an NPO that renovates dilapidated houses. It’s all from the goodness of his shriveled heart until the contract comes due: one soul, a bit singed. Caveat emptor takes on new meaning when dealing with the agents of Good and Evil.
But Levi's not the only player in town. Another demon is vying for control over the broken souls of Detroit. Combined they have too many minions, too much power. She refuses to back down, but Lucy is in over her not-so-delusional head.
When each demon offers her an alliance, she is forced to make a choice: the citizens she swore to protect, or her own ticket to the pearly gates. Suddenly the rulebook looks a little gray.
GREEN-EYED MONSTER is a fantastical twist on detective fiction, researched through interviews with police/arson experts. I have a synopsis for a potential sequel.
The first five pages are included below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Mesmerix @ Scribbler to Scribe
http://mesmerix.blogspot.com/
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