Samantha Ridgeway loves her job as a tabloid reporter, but following the wrong story makes her a dead reporter. Dead until she’s the guinea pig in a bizarre experiment intended to save the life of spoiled heiress, Sierra Mallory. The only drawback to becoming the walking, talking undead, besides Sam’s never-ending appetite, is Sierra wants them to be BZFs (Best Zombies Forever) in her plot to take over the world.
Vampire Chief Enforcer Duncan St. James has his hands full investigating the disappearance of several of L.A.’s supernatural denizens. When a very nosy, very cute, and soon very dead reporter interferes, he has no choice but to keep her in arm’s reach – a situation he finds a little too tempting. Now if he can just keep Samantha from eating the brains of the very people he’s trying to save from the psycho zombie heiress who’s holding them prisoner…
ZOMBIE LOVE is a 90,000 word urban fantasy novel. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
***
I deliberately left out the bio paragraph. Y'all have seen it before and nothing's changed. Thanks!
Jul 5, 2009
Synopsis-The Eternal Link
Click here to read the queries.
I've been having trouble with this. I started out with a sentence and expanded, but I'm still not sure about the clarity of it. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar errors. I try to catch them all, but my mind doesn't quite work that way. Luckily I have an amazing editor I can send the nearly final draft of this too...when I get there.
Thanks in advance,
Jen
In the city of Ulcadia during the 30th century, fifteen-year old Catalina Cordova rushes past students popping in and out gut-wrenching transporters. Her heartbeat drums loudly in her head until she half leans, half falls against the cool hallway. Without warning, flames pour out from her eyes. For a moment, in the midst of screeching alarms and running students, a wave of relief calms her. Then, the world returns to focus and she remembers. They all toasted with the moon drink. One friend is dead. Another is in the hospital. And she doesn’t have a scratch on her.
After the accident, Catalina’s adoptive parents call for her return to the decaying house she once called home. But adjusting to life with those who betrayed her by sending her away proves difficult. So what if she acts a little strangely around fire and doesn’t like mindless chants to Mother Nature? Now the only family Catalina wants is the birthmother that haunts her dreams with images of love and acceptance. She must have the answer to why fire could burst out of Catalina at any time. Perhaps she could even provide some comfort for her survivor’s guilt.
Just as Catalina finds a fleeting moment of normalcy at a real high school, her sixteenth birthday arrives. With one blow, all the candles extinguish. In the darkness, her birthmother’s necklace burns into her skin and fulfills its purpose of hiding her identity. Without the necklace, Catalina transforms into the beauty she was meant to be. After the panic subsides, a glance in the mirror reveals she now has the same features as a child in a portrait she once admired.
Catalina seeks out and is beckoned through the painting now come to life with promises of answers in its depths. After being lunged into a forest, an animated tree informs her that she is thousands of years back in time. Catalina is alarmed by the revelation, but is hopeful that her mother could be near. Catalina comes upon a clearing while searching for people and loses control of her fire in a battle with a demonic creature. Her fire burns the surrounding trees and sends a signal high above the forest. From above, a flying stranger brings a soothing rain that sizzles against Catalina’s skin and, without her permission; he rescues her.
When Catalina wakes up, she butts heads with her irritating yet surprisingly intriguing savior, Darwin, who acts more like a boy than the man he is. When Darwin leaves to answer the call of his wizard master, Catalina is attacked, wrapped in fire-proof cloth, and carried away to a castle. There, a man awaits who lusts after her power and the immortality that comes with it. Catalina is powerless against the cloth and locked in a cell. For the first time, she realizes what a large part of her the inner fire has become. After barely escaping the castle by jumping into an ocean, Catalina washes up on a beach where an old wizard she almost recognizes finds her.
Thanks to the overwhelming feeling of safety that the familiar wizard, Warwick, exudes, she allows him to bring her back to his castle-home. Unbeknownst to Catalina, this is the very place where her mother resides. At the castle, Catalina bumps into Darwin, who is so relieved to see her that he kisses her without asking. Another quarrel ensues. In Catalina’s absence, Darwin realized the danger in bringing her back to a time where people know of, desire and fear the powers Catalina has. Against her will, Darwin pushes Catalina through the portrait and sends her back to where she started in 3031 CE just as her mother rushes down the hall to see her.
Fueled by anger from watching her mother slip away again, Catalina begins to hover inches over the ground. As her anger grows, so do her powers and her ability to fly. The trees see this and recognize it as the second mark of an Eternal, a keeper of time. But that is just the problem…the trees SEE.
Awakened after thousands of years, the tree Elders call for Catalina to tree-surf into their meeting on a stream of boomeranging trees. Catalina pulls information from the tree Elder’s carefully guarded secrets and learns as an Eternal, it is her job to protect time. Due to a rift in time caused by magical time-traveling, at any given moment, pieces of the past come crashing into Catalina’s present. Catalina does not have enough control over her anger or her powers to fight the enemies that pop up around her AND fix time itself. Instead, she seeks the help of he who failed before her as an Eternal: Warwick. Catalina has to restore Warwick’s powers, which, in a world where magic and emotion are tightly bound, have been slowly seeping away since the death of his one true love, Rosaline.
Little does Warwick know, his love lives.
Catalina follows clues from her vivid dreams that guide her through the ever-changing landscape affected by time jumps. They lead her to outwit the fairies in their labyrinth, across the mountains where demons roam, through the roots of elvin trees, and finally into the sea with a siren. Deep into the ocean, in a cottage untouchable by magic, Catalina finds Rosaline and brings her back to Warwick. Just before she arrives, Catalina is pulled into the mind of Valmont, a wizard long after her powers. Through his eyes, Catalina watches the rise of his army of soul-sucking demons and high-tech armies alike. Through his body, Catalina feels the elation that wipes over Valmont as he murders the people she never knew she cared so much about.
Even in the face of overwhelming doubt, Catalina is driven by these images to push forward and fight Valmont herself. There is no time left to wait for Warwick’s powers to strengthen. Besides, Catalina wants retribution for all the stolen lives including her own. At the castle that popped up out of nowhere, Catalina finds not only Darwin waiting as pompous and handsome as ever, but also the woman she so desperately wanted to find: Her mother. With her mother finally by her side, Catalina finds the reassurance she needs to fight Valmont.
Catalina marches forward with her supporters into the great domed city of Ulcadia to fight Valmont and his army head-on. In the midst of battle, Catalina meets Valmont and transports them both into the fourth dimension. Below her, she sees the swirling vortex of time and the broken piece she must fix that is sputtering in and out of place. Catalina is trapped and nearly falls victim to Valmont’s mind games. His cruelty stirs an anger in her that isn’t strong enough fuel to defeat him. She had to grow up without her mother in a place where she wasn’t accepted because of people like Valmont and their relentless pursuit of her powers. He ruined and destroyed lives. The voices of those she cares for eco inside Catalina’s head and fill her to the brim with love. She gains the strength through them to annihilate Valmont, but the voices urge her not to become a killer and instead focus on the task at hand.
Catalina leaves Valmont in the fourth dimension without the ability to ever leave and fights her way down into the stream of time. There, she physically reaches out and connects her body with the vortex. Catalina realizes while becoming a link in time, she will not only lose her mother again when she sets things straight, but she will also lose her love and her life.
Unable to choose, Catalina allows herself a moment of weakness and pities herself. Ultimately, she knows she could hang in the fourth dimension forever while clinging to the image of her half-dissolved mother, or she could save both her mother and humanity. Just when she makes the decision to sacrifice herself and become a human patch for time, a new force enters the fourth dimension. Renewed by seeing Rosaline again, Warwick tells Catalina she can either return to earth with all the uncertainty ahead of her or she can go with Mother Nature and be at peace. Either way, he is the one whose duty is to fix the tear in time. Catalina understands it is because of Warwick’s weaknesses that she has been chosen as an Eternal. There is a need to have one Eternal on Earth at all times and she cannot let another child go through the same things she went through. Warwick stays behind to fix time and Catalina chooses to return to earth. She is surprised to be caught by Darwin, the boy started Catalina’s journey by painting a time-altering portrait for a special little girl.
I've been having trouble with this. I started out with a sentence and expanded, but I'm still not sure about the clarity of it. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar errors. I try to catch them all, but my mind doesn't quite work that way. Luckily I have an amazing editor I can send the nearly final draft of this too...when I get there.
Thanks in advance,
Jen
In the city of Ulcadia during the 30th century, fifteen-year old Catalina Cordova rushes past students popping in and out gut-wrenching transporters. Her heartbeat drums loudly in her head until she half leans, half falls against the cool hallway. Without warning, flames pour out from her eyes. For a moment, in the midst of screeching alarms and running students, a wave of relief calms her. Then, the world returns to focus and she remembers. They all toasted with the moon drink. One friend is dead. Another is in the hospital. And she doesn’t have a scratch on her.
After the accident, Catalina’s adoptive parents call for her return to the decaying house she once called home. But adjusting to life with those who betrayed her by sending her away proves difficult. So what if she acts a little strangely around fire and doesn’t like mindless chants to Mother Nature? Now the only family Catalina wants is the birthmother that haunts her dreams with images of love and acceptance. She must have the answer to why fire could burst out of Catalina at any time. Perhaps she could even provide some comfort for her survivor’s guilt.
Just as Catalina finds a fleeting moment of normalcy at a real high school, her sixteenth birthday arrives. With one blow, all the candles extinguish. In the darkness, her birthmother’s necklace burns into her skin and fulfills its purpose of hiding her identity. Without the necklace, Catalina transforms into the beauty she was meant to be. After the panic subsides, a glance in the mirror reveals she now has the same features as a child in a portrait she once admired.
Catalina seeks out and is beckoned through the painting now come to life with promises of answers in its depths. After being lunged into a forest, an animated tree informs her that she is thousands of years back in time. Catalina is alarmed by the revelation, but is hopeful that her mother could be near. Catalina comes upon a clearing while searching for people and loses control of her fire in a battle with a demonic creature. Her fire burns the surrounding trees and sends a signal high above the forest. From above, a flying stranger brings a soothing rain that sizzles against Catalina’s skin and, without her permission; he rescues her.
When Catalina wakes up, she butts heads with her irritating yet surprisingly intriguing savior, Darwin, who acts more like a boy than the man he is. When Darwin leaves to answer the call of his wizard master, Catalina is attacked, wrapped in fire-proof cloth, and carried away to a castle. There, a man awaits who lusts after her power and the immortality that comes with it. Catalina is powerless against the cloth and locked in a cell. For the first time, she realizes what a large part of her the inner fire has become. After barely escaping the castle by jumping into an ocean, Catalina washes up on a beach where an old wizard she almost recognizes finds her.
Thanks to the overwhelming feeling of safety that the familiar wizard, Warwick, exudes, she allows him to bring her back to his castle-home. Unbeknownst to Catalina, this is the very place where her mother resides. At the castle, Catalina bumps into Darwin, who is so relieved to see her that he kisses her without asking. Another quarrel ensues. In Catalina’s absence, Darwin realized the danger in bringing her back to a time where people know of, desire and fear the powers Catalina has. Against her will, Darwin pushes Catalina through the portrait and sends her back to where she started in 3031 CE just as her mother rushes down the hall to see her.
Fueled by anger from watching her mother slip away again, Catalina begins to hover inches over the ground. As her anger grows, so do her powers and her ability to fly. The trees see this and recognize it as the second mark of an Eternal, a keeper of time. But that is just the problem…the trees SEE.
Awakened after thousands of years, the tree Elders call for Catalina to tree-surf into their meeting on a stream of boomeranging trees. Catalina pulls information from the tree Elder’s carefully guarded secrets and learns as an Eternal, it is her job to protect time. Due to a rift in time caused by magical time-traveling, at any given moment, pieces of the past come crashing into Catalina’s present. Catalina does not have enough control over her anger or her powers to fight the enemies that pop up around her AND fix time itself. Instead, she seeks the help of he who failed before her as an Eternal: Warwick. Catalina has to restore Warwick’s powers, which, in a world where magic and emotion are tightly bound, have been slowly seeping away since the death of his one true love, Rosaline.
Little does Warwick know, his love lives.
Catalina follows clues from her vivid dreams that guide her through the ever-changing landscape affected by time jumps. They lead her to outwit the fairies in their labyrinth, across the mountains where demons roam, through the roots of elvin trees, and finally into the sea with a siren. Deep into the ocean, in a cottage untouchable by magic, Catalina finds Rosaline and brings her back to Warwick. Just before she arrives, Catalina is pulled into the mind of Valmont, a wizard long after her powers. Through his eyes, Catalina watches the rise of his army of soul-sucking demons and high-tech armies alike. Through his body, Catalina feels the elation that wipes over Valmont as he murders the people she never knew she cared so much about.
Even in the face of overwhelming doubt, Catalina is driven by these images to push forward and fight Valmont herself. There is no time left to wait for Warwick’s powers to strengthen. Besides, Catalina wants retribution for all the stolen lives including her own. At the castle that popped up out of nowhere, Catalina finds not only Darwin waiting as pompous and handsome as ever, but also the woman she so desperately wanted to find: Her mother. With her mother finally by her side, Catalina finds the reassurance she needs to fight Valmont.
Catalina marches forward with her supporters into the great domed city of Ulcadia to fight Valmont and his army head-on. In the midst of battle, Catalina meets Valmont and transports them both into the fourth dimension. Below her, she sees the swirling vortex of time and the broken piece she must fix that is sputtering in and out of place. Catalina is trapped and nearly falls victim to Valmont’s mind games. His cruelty stirs an anger in her that isn’t strong enough fuel to defeat him. She had to grow up without her mother in a place where she wasn’t accepted because of people like Valmont and their relentless pursuit of her powers. He ruined and destroyed lives. The voices of those she cares for eco inside Catalina’s head and fill her to the brim with love. She gains the strength through them to annihilate Valmont, but the voices urge her not to become a killer and instead focus on the task at hand.
Catalina leaves Valmont in the fourth dimension without the ability to ever leave and fights her way down into the stream of time. There, she physically reaches out and connects her body with the vortex. Catalina realizes while becoming a link in time, she will not only lose her mother again when she sets things straight, but she will also lose her love and her life.
Unable to choose, Catalina allows herself a moment of weakness and pities herself. Ultimately, she knows she could hang in the fourth dimension forever while clinging to the image of her half-dissolved mother, or she could save both her mother and humanity. Just when she makes the decision to sacrifice herself and become a human patch for time, a new force enters the fourth dimension. Renewed by seeing Rosaline again, Warwick tells Catalina she can either return to earth with all the uncertainty ahead of her or she can go with Mother Nature and be at peace. Either way, he is the one whose duty is to fix the tear in time. Catalina understands it is because of Warwick’s weaknesses that she has been chosen as an Eternal. There is a need to have one Eternal on Earth at all times and she cannot let another child go through the same things she went through. Warwick stays behind to fix time and Catalina chooses to return to earth. She is surprised to be caught by Darwin, the boy started Catalina’s journey by painting a time-altering portrait for a special little girl.
Jul 3, 2009
Query—ANGEL’S FALL
Click here to read version 2.
Click here to read version 3.
When Russia is taken over by Martin Sarafanov, a fallen angel with designs on European domination, Liam Michaels, the Angel of Death, must head off a biological and nuclear war. As the conflict intensifies and innocent people die, Liam’s angelic companions question the goodness of God. The last thing Liam needs as he tries to answer the doubts of his comrades is the appearance of the ultimate evil. But that’s exactly what he finds when he learns that the real power driving Russia is his brother, Lucifer.
My 80,000 word science fantasy thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores how, in a world where evil is prevalent, can God be considered good. Stylistically it resembles a merger of Clive Cussler with Dean Koontz.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. In my day job, I work as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters, I am new to the world of creative writing.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 3.
When Russia is taken over by Martin Sarafanov, a fallen angel with designs on European domination, Liam Michaels, the Angel of Death, must head off a biological and nuclear war. As the conflict intensifies and innocent people die, Liam’s angelic companions question the goodness of God. The last thing Liam needs as he tries to answer the doubts of his comrades is the appearance of the ultimate evil. But that’s exactly what he finds when he learns that the real power driving Russia is his brother, Lucifer.
My 80,000 word science fantasy thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores how, in a world where evil is prevalent, can God be considered good. Stylistically it resembles a merger of Clive Cussler with Dean Koontz.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. In my day job, I work as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters, I am new to the world of creative writing.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
The Voice of a Query?
This comment came through last night, and since it raises an interesting question and it's really directed to all of us, I though it deserved its own post. Please weigh in your opinions...I know you have them!
Hi, All!
After re-reading the comments here, I have a concern. And please be advised that this is merely a point of curiosity - not a criticism of this or any other query...
But I've just noticed an interesting trend with voice-related comments on this site. Even though I agree that Scott's query has a memorable voice, I find it curious that every time someone says a query has a unique voice (like this one and the "Quest Support" query), it's usually funny or snarky in tone.
So, how can a writer capture the voice of a non-funny novel in a one-page query? Is it even possible?
Hi, All!
After re-reading the comments here, I have a concern. And please be advised that this is merely a point of curiosity - not a criticism of this or any other query...
But I've just noticed an interesting trend with voice-related comments on this site. Even though I agree that Scott's query has a memorable voice, I find it curious that every time someone says a query has a unique voice (like this one and the "Quest Support" query), it's usually funny or snarky in tone.
So, how can a writer capture the voice of a non-funny novel in a one-page query? Is it even possible?
Jul 2, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (version 5)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello I'm back with version five and besides input on this version I would also like to know if you guys prefer version 4 or 5. Thanks so much!
Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to the 31st century after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now she is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. With the revelation that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time, her quest for the birth-mother she never knew is put on hold. But control over her swiftly growing magic lies just beyond her reach which leaves her unable to fix time alone. Catalina seeks the help of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders arrive at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello I'm back with version five and besides input on this version I would also like to know if you guys prefer version 4 or 5. Thanks so much!
Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to the 31st century after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now she is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. With the revelation that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time, her quest for the birth-mother she never knew is put on hold. But control over her swiftly growing magic lies just beyond her reach which leaves her unable to fix time alone. Catalina seeks the help of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders arrive at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Jul 1, 2009
Query for Eden's Gate
Zander Jaden hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in three years. Ever since his mother’s death, the minute the sun goes down, he feels eyes on him, watching him, and waiting. In a desperate attempt to get some rest, he swallows an entire bottle of prescription sleep-aids. After his supposed suicide attempt, Zander is committed to Edensgate State Psychiatric Hospital, a massive sprawling building in the Kirkbride style, now mostly defunct.
He meets Rafe Nazario there, and the two boys become fast friends. Zander confides his problems in Rafe, and in turn, Rafe details the reasons he finds himself there in Edensgate. As they grow closer, their routine is interrupted by the arrival of Dominick O’Brennan, the son of an infamous mafia family from Boston. Dominick despises Rafe and Zander from the start, and does everything he possibly can to make their lives miserable, up to and including stealing Zander’s file from the hospital and taunting him with information. After Rafe and Zander have a fight, however, Dominick moves in, and Zander falls into bed with him.
After Dominick is released from the hospital on the word of his family, Rafe and Zander are finally free to explore their own relationship, with the ever present night-watchers a constant irritant. As Zander tries to find a way to free himself of his curse, he begins to delve deeper into the history of Edensgate – in fact, history presents itself to him clearly in the form of a girl who died there sixty years ago! – and he discovers the powers within him, passed down by his mother, that will help him be free of the night-watchers once and for all.
The only thing standing between Zander and total freedom is once again Dominick – after his family found themselves unable to deal with him, they recommit him to the hospital, and this time, he’s not so forgiving. Knowing Zander’s paralyzing fear of the dark, Dominick nearly kills him when he locks him in the unlit basement for three days.
Time is running out when Zander recovers from Dominick’s mischief, however, for he knows that the power of a solar eclipse on Halloween night will give the night-watchers exactly what they need to obtain their goals – to leave their bleak home and overrun the Earth. Dominick’s acting strangely, Rafe is concerned, and Zander just wants to get some sleep. With the help of the ghosts of Edensgate and a doctor who works there, the two boys work to stop the night-watchers before they can use the hospital as a launch-pad for the destruction of the human race.
The fate of the world is resting on the shoulders of one young man in a mental hospital, and all Hell’s about to break loose at Eden’s Gate.
He meets Rafe Nazario there, and the two boys become fast friends. Zander confides his problems in Rafe, and in turn, Rafe details the reasons he finds himself there in Edensgate. As they grow closer, their routine is interrupted by the arrival of Dominick O’Brennan, the son of an infamous mafia family from Boston. Dominick despises Rafe and Zander from the start, and does everything he possibly can to make their lives miserable, up to and including stealing Zander’s file from the hospital and taunting him with information. After Rafe and Zander have a fight, however, Dominick moves in, and Zander falls into bed with him.
After Dominick is released from the hospital on the word of his family, Rafe and Zander are finally free to explore their own relationship, with the ever present night-watchers a constant irritant. As Zander tries to find a way to free himself of his curse, he begins to delve deeper into the history of Edensgate – in fact, history presents itself to him clearly in the form of a girl who died there sixty years ago! – and he discovers the powers within him, passed down by his mother, that will help him be free of the night-watchers once and for all.
The only thing standing between Zander and total freedom is once again Dominick – after his family found themselves unable to deal with him, they recommit him to the hospital, and this time, he’s not so forgiving. Knowing Zander’s paralyzing fear of the dark, Dominick nearly kills him when he locks him in the unlit basement for three days.
Time is running out when Zander recovers from Dominick’s mischief, however, for he knows that the power of a solar eclipse on Halloween night will give the night-watchers exactly what they need to obtain their goals – to leave their bleak home and overrun the Earth. Dominick’s acting strangely, Rafe is concerned, and Zander just wants to get some sleep. With the help of the ghosts of Edensgate and a doctor who works there, the two boys work to stop the night-watchers before they can use the hospital as a launch-pad for the destruction of the human race.
The fate of the world is resting on the shoulders of one young man in a mental hospital, and all Hell’s about to break loose at Eden’s Gate.
Query - Winter Roses Never Die
Dear Literary Editor,
Although endearing in a way, Jennie is rather too imaginative and naive for someone of thirty-four. As she lives in a small country town where most of the inhabitants are earthy and provincial, her whimsical, shy nature stands out even more than her colourful array of shabby chic clothing. When she breathlessly relates to her library co-workers of meeting a handsome man (in a wheel chair) in an abandoned winter cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. And then when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seemed to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However, she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a beautiful lady with sloe-shaped green eyes was reclining on a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie went into sensory overload and couldn't move. Only when she was able to recite her favourite prayer (asking for the protection of the Holy Blood) did the vision disappear.
The two focal points of the old, abandoned cemetery where most of the story is set are the blood red roses growing over the co-joined graves of Charos and his mother, and the blood red cloak worn by the statue of the Christ. Both signify the healing and transforming power of selfless, unconditional love. Jennie discovers through her 'inspirationals' that the power of the human soul is in the blood and is triggered by the emotions. Humankind does not know how to tap into that power, but The Family do through their spiritual awareness - an awareness that was taken away from most of humanity but which Jesus came to restore. The difference between Jennie's two favourite men, Jesus and Charos, is that while the vampire-like Charos must take human blood to live, the Blood of Jesus was given on His death so that humankind would throw off their guilt and forgive themselves and find healing and spiritual life, which before was denied to them - through their guilt and lack of spiritual knowledge. Like humanity, Charos has also been cursed - along with his enigmatic people called The Family - and they are also partly dead. But unlike humanity, the power of their spirits is still intact and, hence, their knowledge and understanding of spiritual/supernatural?power. It is?this power, contained in?the soul, which has been lost to them. Their souls have been captured by infernal spirits which live off the power and energy from these souls. The only way The Family can keep physically alive and powerful is by absorbing human blood. The roses growing over Charos' and his mother's graves are actually his transformed mother, transformed through her selfless love and compassion for her son. They are blood red, the radiance of which helped him heal of his terrible burns inflicted by The People. The blood red of the roses signify her love for her son and the energy and comfort which she gave at the expense of her own life-force. The blood red cloak worn by the statue of Jesus in the cemetery also?symbolises the transformed nature of the Christ through His compassion and selfless love for us. He gave His Blood to bring comfort, life and healing to?humanity - the same way that Charos' mother did when she was transformed through the same selfless love for her son into the roses which never die.
Jennie's initial quest is to discover the identity and true nature of the enigmatic man in the wheel chair, to liberate him and the rest of his (non-human) Family from the evil that holds them captive on this earthly plane and which prevents them from being able to feel and be truly alive.? Most importantly, she wants to win the love of this man, Charos, and bring him back into her life and that of their beautiful child, Julianna.?
Combined with this outer quest are Jennie's spiritual experiences which seek her out as opposed to?her outward efforts to find love and happiness.? In the process she discovers that the inner world, the Kingdom of Heaven,?is?such a treasure trove of inspiration, love and happiness that she is tempted to abandon?her seemingly impossible outer quest.? However, as part of her growing process, she discovers she's not the only one fighting terrible battles?of insecurity.? Everyone, no matter how powerful they seem or how perfect their life appears, is fighting the same battle - even the seemingly invincible Charos.? She realises that even though she doesn't need his love for happiness, he needs her love and human power to regain his soul and freedom.
At the end of the story, Jennie's faith and love are victorious. Through her courage and faithful love, Charos is redeemed from his soulless existence, and he and The Family are free to return to their own plane. He, however, chooses to stay with Jennie and their daughter. But it is only when Jennie is able to demonstrate a more perfect and deeper love through compassion and understanding of his past suffering and his insecurities is she able to disarm those insecurities. Only then is Charos able to say the words Jennie has waited years to hear: I love you.
Winter Roses Never Dies is a paranormal romance combined with elements of mystic Christanity, 87,000 words in length, for the adult reader.
Thank you for your time and consideration of this project.
Yours faithfully...
Although endearing in a way, Jennie is rather too imaginative and naive for someone of thirty-four. As she lives in a small country town where most of the inhabitants are earthy and provincial, her whimsical, shy nature stands out even more than her colourful array of shabby chic clothing. When she breathlessly relates to her library co-workers of meeting a handsome man (in a wheel chair) in an abandoned winter cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. And then when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seemed to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However, she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a beautiful lady with sloe-shaped green eyes was reclining on a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie went into sensory overload and couldn't move. Only when she was able to recite her favourite prayer (asking for the protection of the Holy Blood) did the vision disappear.
The two focal points of the old, abandoned cemetery where most of the story is set are the blood red roses growing over the co-joined graves of Charos and his mother, and the blood red cloak worn by the statue of the Christ. Both signify the healing and transforming power of selfless, unconditional love. Jennie discovers through her 'inspirationals' that the power of the human soul is in the blood and is triggered by the emotions. Humankind does not know how to tap into that power, but The Family do through their spiritual awareness - an awareness that was taken away from most of humanity but which Jesus came to restore. The difference between Jennie's two favourite men, Jesus and Charos, is that while the vampire-like Charos must take human blood to live, the Blood of Jesus was given on His death so that humankind would throw off their guilt and forgive themselves and find healing and spiritual life, which before was denied to them - through their guilt and lack of spiritual knowledge. Like humanity, Charos has also been cursed - along with his enigmatic people called The Family - and they are also partly dead. But unlike humanity, the power of their spirits is still intact and, hence, their knowledge and understanding of spiritual/supernatural?power. It is?this power, contained in?the soul, which has been lost to them. Their souls have been captured by infernal spirits which live off the power and energy from these souls. The only way The Family can keep physically alive and powerful is by absorbing human blood. The roses growing over Charos' and his mother's graves are actually his transformed mother, transformed through her selfless love and compassion for her son. They are blood red, the radiance of which helped him heal of his terrible burns inflicted by The People. The blood red of the roses signify her love for her son and the energy and comfort which she gave at the expense of her own life-force. The blood red cloak worn by the statue of Jesus in the cemetery also?symbolises the transformed nature of the Christ through His compassion and selfless love for us. He gave His Blood to bring comfort, life and healing to?humanity - the same way that Charos' mother did when she was transformed through the same selfless love for her son into the roses which never die.
Jennie's initial quest is to discover the identity and true nature of the enigmatic man in the wheel chair, to liberate him and the rest of his (non-human) Family from the evil that holds them captive on this earthly plane and which prevents them from being able to feel and be truly alive.? Most importantly, she wants to win the love of this man, Charos, and bring him back into her life and that of their beautiful child, Julianna.?
Combined with this outer quest are Jennie's spiritual experiences which seek her out as opposed to?her outward efforts to find love and happiness.? In the process she discovers that the inner world, the Kingdom of Heaven,?is?such a treasure trove of inspiration, love and happiness that she is tempted to abandon?her seemingly impossible outer quest.? However, as part of her growing process, she discovers she's not the only one fighting terrible battles?of insecurity.? Everyone, no matter how powerful they seem or how perfect their life appears, is fighting the same battle - even the seemingly invincible Charos.? She realises that even though she doesn't need his love for happiness, he needs her love and human power to regain his soul and freedom.
At the end of the story, Jennie's faith and love are victorious. Through her courage and faithful love, Charos is redeemed from his soulless existence, and he and The Family are free to return to their own plane. He, however, chooses to stay with Jennie and their daughter. But it is only when Jennie is able to demonstrate a more perfect and deeper love through compassion and understanding of his past suffering and his insecurities is she able to disarm those insecurities. Only then is Charos able to say the words Jennie has waited years to hear: I love you.
Winter Roses Never Dies is a paranormal romance combined with elements of mystic Christanity, 87,000 words in length, for the adult reader.
Thank you for your time and consideration of this project.
Yours faithfully...
Jun 30, 2009
Query- Queen of the Angels
When Julia became a woman, she discovered that she was chosen to bear not only a secret life, but a child that was not human.
Caught in a world of passion and magic, Julia loves a creature of mythology―a being who was cast in ancient lore as a fallen angel, but whose purpose is the empowerment of women through the teaching of secret magical lore. From their first kiss Julia begins a journey to the realization of her female powers. She had never imagined the power that had been demonized and repressed through religion for thousands of years. She had never dreamed that she had such power.
It is the mission of the Nephilim to find the women born for this path and not only teach them, but breed from them future generations of angel/human hybrids. Julia, caught up in her perfect life of love, passion, and magic, does not know that these angels not only can, but will reproduce. When she discovers she is pregnant, she is trapped by fear, feelings of betrayal, and a growing realization that bearing a hybrid child in the modern world will cement her in total isolation from her fellow man.
She must decide if she can love such a child, if she can love the being who made her feel used, and if she can truly live an extraordinary life—the life that seems chosen for her, as an Amazon Queen. The battle for the future has only just begun.
I would be happy to submit my urban fantasy manuscript, Queen of the Angels, for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
e j alvey
Caught in a world of passion and magic, Julia loves a creature of mythology―a being who was cast in ancient lore as a fallen angel, but whose purpose is the empowerment of women through the teaching of secret magical lore. From their first kiss Julia begins a journey to the realization of her female powers. She had never imagined the power that had been demonized and repressed through religion for thousands of years. She had never dreamed that she had such power.
It is the mission of the Nephilim to find the women born for this path and not only teach them, but breed from them future generations of angel/human hybrids. Julia, caught up in her perfect life of love, passion, and magic, does not know that these angels not only can, but will reproduce. When she discovers she is pregnant, she is trapped by fear, feelings of betrayal, and a growing realization that bearing a hybrid child in the modern world will cement her in total isolation from her fellow man.
She must decide if she can love such a child, if she can love the being who made her feel used, and if she can truly live an extraordinary life—the life that seems chosen for her, as an Amazon Queen. The battle for the future has only just begun.
I would be happy to submit my urban fantasy manuscript, Queen of the Angels, for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
e j alvey
Jun 29, 2009
Query - Margarita Nights
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Great Query Discussion at The Literary Lab
There is a great post on queries over at The Literary Lab today, if you have a few minutes it may be worth your time to check it out.
I think the comment thread is still active, jump in!
I think the comment thread is still active, jump in!
Jun 28, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (version 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Jun 24, 2009
Successful Query- BROKEN
Thanks for all your support and kind words at the Slushpile.
Here's the final query I used for BROKEN.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli Burke on a busy street. Eli knows loss, too. He can’t escape it. After watching his lover beaten to death in a London alley, he’s been left with a limp, scars, and nightmares as permanent reminders.
Fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. Eli is charmed when Alec offers him an escape from a difficult day and a sympathetic ear; he’s delighted when Alec takes an interest in his work; and he’s turned on when Alec lays a bold, passionate embrace on him. Now what? Does Eli attempt to outrun his painful past with isolated charity work abroad, or reward Alec’s romantic efforts and risk his heart again? One thing is certain: neither of them want to lose anything else.
Along with this I also sent them a short bio, synopsis, and partial on 4/26. I received the request for the full MS on 5/20 and the contract on 6/20. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and good wishes. I'm still on cloud nine.
Dawn
Here's the final query I used for BROKEN.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli Burke on a busy street. Eli knows loss, too. He can’t escape it. After watching his lover beaten to death in a London alley, he’s been left with a limp, scars, and nightmares as permanent reminders.
Fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. Eli is charmed when Alec offers him an escape from a difficult day and a sympathetic ear; he’s delighted when Alec takes an interest in his work; and he’s turned on when Alec lays a bold, passionate embrace on him. Now what? Does Eli attempt to outrun his painful past with isolated charity work abroad, or reward Alec’s romantic efforts and risk his heart again? One thing is certain: neither of them want to lose anything else.
Along with this I also sent them a short bio, synopsis, and partial on 4/26. I received the request for the full MS on 5/20 and the contract on 6/20. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and good wishes. I'm still on cloud nine.
Dawn
Jun 22, 2009
Immortalis Query -Revised
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent/Editor
I am pleased to submit for your consideration, IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, an Urban Fantasy story, complete at 80,000 words.
Thrust into a dark world filled with bloodlust, religious fanaticism, and thousand-year old vendettas, Alyssa will have to find the strength to accept her terrifying new reality or submit to final death.
Bleeding to death after brutal mugging on the campus of UNLV, Twenty-five year old Alyssa, is rescued by beguiling and immortal Lysander. He gives her the gift, and curse, of immortality. Alyssa awakens as a vampire and is devastated by harsh realities of her new way of life: the loss of her friends, her independence, and her humanity.
Alyssa’s “turning,” did not go unnoticed by other members of the immortal world. She and Lysander are targeted for final death. An ancient sect of Catholic vampire hunters, known as the Acta Sanctorum, begins their hunt, vowing to destroy all vampires, in God’s name. Meanwhile, a vengeful lover from Lysander’s past seeks to exact her revenge, citing vampire law as her reason to kill them both. Only by letting go of her old self and accepting that she is a vampire, can Alyssa hope to survive. She will have to stand alongside of Lysander and fight, against two enemies who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.
IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, will take you on a journey with Alyssa, delving deep into the emotional upheaval that is the transformation from human to vampire. This is my début novel and the first in a series of dark and sexy vampire stories. I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author
Dear Agent/Editor
I am pleased to submit for your consideration, IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, an Urban Fantasy story, complete at 80,000 words.
Thrust into a dark world filled with bloodlust, religious fanaticism, and thousand-year old vendettas, Alyssa will have to find the strength to accept her terrifying new reality or submit to final death.
Bleeding to death after brutal mugging on the campus of UNLV, Twenty-five year old Alyssa, is rescued by beguiling and immortal Lysander. He gives her the gift, and curse, of immortality. Alyssa awakens as a vampire and is devastated by harsh realities of her new way of life: the loss of her friends, her independence, and her humanity.
Alyssa’s “turning,” did not go unnoticed by other members of the immortal world. She and Lysander are targeted for final death. An ancient sect of Catholic vampire hunters, known as the Acta Sanctorum, begins their hunt, vowing to destroy all vampires, in God’s name. Meanwhile, a vengeful lover from Lysander’s past seeks to exact her revenge, citing vampire law as her reason to kill them both. Only by letting go of her old self and accepting that she is a vampire, can Alyssa hope to survive. She will have to stand alongside of Lysander and fight, against two enemies who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.
IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, will take you on a journey with Alyssa, delving deep into the emotional upheaval that is the transformation from human to vampire. This is my début novel and the first in a series of dark and sexy vampire stories. I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author
A Submitter got a Contract
Here's proof that it can happen: Dawn Johnson emailed me to let me know that she was offered a publication contract for her novel BROKEN by Dreamspinner Press.
Click here to read the original query for BROKEN. You can link to revisions from that post.
Congrats Dawn, and thanks to everyone who offers advice on this blog. A little bit of help can make a big difference in someone's career.
Click here to read the original query for BROKEN. You can link to revisions from that post.
Congrats Dawn, and thanks to everyone who offers advice on this blog. A little bit of help can make a big difference in someone's career.
Jun 21, 2009
Query - The Braidwood Circle
(Note: In the UK, we don't use query letters as such, but a covering letter that travels with a synopsis and the first 30 pages. You still need to give a brief overview of the work in two paragraphs, which is what I am seeking feedback on. Thanks.)
In Elizabethan England death comes often, but when a body found in the woods is that of a wealthy merchant's wife, constable John Rowntree is sent to investigate. The people of Braidwood are keen to assist, and to tell him their secrets, but regardless of the evidence they claim to have, he does not believe their allegations. He especially scoffs when they involve frail old ladies committing murder and practicing witchcraft.
Close to solving the case, Rowntree is confronted by further deaths. More gruesome and brutal, they fuel a frenzy of accusations and threats among the townsfolk. Rowntree's fight to maintain order and stop any further murders leads him to a shocking revelation. One that means he must accept that the town's mid-wife is not only capable of killing, but that she practices sorcery. To stop her from claiming more victims, he must face his strongest childhood fear and break the witch's ever growing circle of power.
In Elizabethan England death comes often, but when a body found in the woods is that of a wealthy merchant's wife, constable John Rowntree is sent to investigate. The people of Braidwood are keen to assist, and to tell him their secrets, but regardless of the evidence they claim to have, he does not believe their allegations. He especially scoffs when they involve frail old ladies committing murder and practicing witchcraft.
Close to solving the case, Rowntree is confronted by further deaths. More gruesome and brutal, they fuel a frenzy of accusations and threats among the townsfolk. Rowntree's fight to maintain order and stop any further murders leads him to a shocking revelation. One that means he must accept that the town's mid-wife is not only capable of killing, but that she practices sorcery. To stop her from claiming more victims, he must face his strongest childhood fear and break the witch's ever growing circle of power.
Jun 19, 2009
QUERY- UNTOUCHED
Dear Agent,
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 18, 2009
Sample Pages are Welcome
Just a reminder that 4-5 pages of your first chapter are welcome. Just include them with your query submission the same as you would in an email query.
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE (Rev 2)
Click here to read the original query.
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
Jun 17, 2009
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Jun 14, 2009
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
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