Click here to read the original query.
There is a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. Especially when they're pulled from their homes to spend a year in observation, living in a huge mansion and going to a private school of the experimenters' choosing. For Sami Harris, it all might just be a blessing in disguise. She sees the experience as a chance at a fresh start. She's long suffered teasing about her schizophrenia diagnosis, but hopefully, all of that can change.
Unfortunately, she begins hearing voices again as soon as they get to the mansion. When her twin sister suggests that maybe the voices are real, Sami begins following them to diary pages throughout the house. Piece by piece, she and the other kids in the house unravel what happened to make one young girl disappear from the mansion. And end up as a statue in the gardens. Sami isn't sure how, but she knows that they have to help the girl. But first, everyone in the house will have to come clean about the things that they can really do.
The Mansion: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a potential five book series. My first draft won the Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. As a result, there is a series of machinima videos, available on YouTube. The promo video that was made just before the finale videos, is about a minute long and is a wonderful representation of the feel of the book. It can be found here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Jun 11, 2009
An Awesome Writing Advice Database!!!
Yes, all three exclamation points in the post title are warranted. I could add five more and feel great about myself, this is just that good.
Sometimes I worry that I am being redundant if I mention Nathan Bransford because I know that many of you also follow Nathan's blog and you probably read it first. But sometimes I just don't care how worried I am, I just do it. I'm like Nike, I guess.
So in the rare event that someone out there has not yet visited Nathan's blog today (or *gasp* ever...), please read on with vigor:
Nathan's post today consolidates over 40 links regarding preparation, writing, revising, genres, and holding onto your marbles. It is an absolute must-read for any aspiring writer. I could probably extend that to include professional writers. Any pros out there, feel free to agree / disagree in the comments.
Click here to go to Nathan's Writing Advice Database. I added the post to the links menu at the right side of this blog, too.
Why are you still reading this? Don't you listen? I said "click here" like 34 words ago. No go back and click. Geeze.
Sometimes I worry that I am being redundant if I mention Nathan Bransford because I know that many of you also follow Nathan's blog and you probably read it first. But sometimes I just don't care how worried I am, I just do it. I'm like Nike, I guess.
So in the rare event that someone out there has not yet visited Nathan's blog today (or *gasp* ever...), please read on with vigor:
Nathan's post today consolidates over 40 links regarding preparation, writing, revising, genres, and holding onto your marbles. It is an absolute must-read for any aspiring writer. I could probably extend that to include professional writers. Any pros out there, feel free to agree / disagree in the comments.
Click here to go to Nathan's Writing Advice Database. I added the post to the links menu at the right side of this blog, too.
Why are you still reading this? Don't you listen? I said "click here" like 34 words ago. No go back and click. Geeze.
Jun 9, 2009
Query: Blood From Heaven (version 3)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read version 2.
Dear Future Agent:
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
There are women who in ancient times were liminal points between the Earthly and spirit realms. Samone is one such Priestess incarnated in the modern world. Like women before her, demons seek them out to steal their bodies and walk manifest upon the Earth. They are taught and protected by angels.
The angels choose two men to love and guard her, and when the men find her spirit and return it to her body, they must learn to use magic and fight the demons who seek to take Samone. Angels are not always what they seem, however, and sometimes people die.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read version 2.
Dear Future Agent:
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
There are women who in ancient times were liminal points between the Earthly and spirit realms. Samone is one such Priestess incarnated in the modern world. Like women before her, demons seek them out to steal their bodies and walk manifest upon the Earth. They are taught and protected by angels.
The angels choose two men to love and guard her, and when the men find her spirit and return it to her body, they must learn to use magic and fight the demons who seek to take Samone. Angels are not always what they seem, however, and sometimes people die.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 7, 2009
Query: A DARKER DAWN (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read the first revision.
After getting some great feedback, I have made the changes. Be absolutely ruthless!
-----------------------
Dear Ms. /Mr. Agent:
When the four friends accidentally killed the school bully, their friendship died, but decades later, when they confront their terrible sin, friendship is their only hope for redemption.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. The bullies led by Bappa and a school teacher abuse them relentlessly. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. They are tormented by the carnage they witness, and their rage at Bappa, who almost kills Dev, turns fatal. They make a pact of silence – never meet each other and never talk about the bully’s death to anyone.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
------
Click here to read the first revision.
After getting some great feedback, I have made the changes. Be absolutely ruthless!
-----------------------
Dear Ms. /Mr. Agent:
When the four friends accidentally killed the school bully, their friendship died, but decades later, when they confront their terrible sin, friendship is their only hope for redemption.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. The bullies led by Bappa and a school teacher abuse them relentlessly. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. They are tormented by the carnage they witness, and their rage at Bappa, who almost kills Dev, turns fatal. They make a pact of silence – never meet each other and never talk about the bully’s death to anyone.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
------
Jun 6, 2009
Query: Blood From Heaven (version 2)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read version 3.
Demons want Samone’s body so that they can walk manifest on Earth. This young Priestess is missing, and an angel is guarding her body and keeping it alive.
The angel enlists the help of Detective Paterson and Liner Dawson to find Samone’s spirit and return it before her body dies. The men learn that angels are not exactly as the myths say. This angel has killed two men, and exists to fight demons on the Earthly plane.
While searching for Samone, both men fall in love with her, and she is told by her spirits that they were sent to love and protect her. The three of them go to Chicago for a new life together but find that demons still hunt for Samone.
The three of them enlist the angels through magic to help fight the demons, but something has gone wrong. Detective Paterson discovers that a horrific string of murders has an eerily familiar feel, and the killer does not seem to be entirely human. If he can’t catch the killer, the demons may finally get what they are after: Samone.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read version 3.
Demons want Samone’s body so that they can walk manifest on Earth. This young Priestess is missing, and an angel is guarding her body and keeping it alive.
The angel enlists the help of Detective Paterson and Liner Dawson to find Samone’s spirit and return it before her body dies. The men learn that angels are not exactly as the myths say. This angel has killed two men, and exists to fight demons on the Earthly plane.
While searching for Samone, both men fall in love with her, and she is told by her spirits that they were sent to love and protect her. The three of them go to Chicago for a new life together but find that demons still hunt for Samone.
The three of them enlist the angels through magic to help fight the demons, but something has gone wrong. Detective Paterson discovers that a horrific string of murders has an eerily familiar feel, and the killer does not seem to be entirely human. If he can’t catch the killer, the demons may finally get what they are after: Samone.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 5, 2009
Query- Blood From Heaven
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Future Agent:
Your expressed interest in literary fiction with commercial appeal led me to approach you for representation for my upmarket fiction work Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words.
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
Dale Paterson and Michael “Liner’ Dawson find themselves thrust into a new life when they encounter this woman. The veils between the spirit world and the Earthly realm are shredded by the urgency of life and death: the life of Samone, who will die if her spirit is not found in time, and the murders of two men.
Serafina, the angel, is forced to trust Paterson and Liner and imprints them into the world of magic, angels, and demons. As their new lives lurch forward in a world that alienates them from "mundanes", they begin a new path of initiation into spiritual self-transcendence, guided by the interaction with the angel Serafina. Once they rescue Samone from the spirit realm, the three of them form a bond of intimacy that only unbelievable circumstances can forge. Paterson and Liner have to face their own inner struggles while learning the ways that demons invade the lives of humans, and the ways angels are not always what they seem.
My novel most certainly fits the description of edgy dark fiction that has mainstream appeal as it combines elements of paranormal, mystery, and crime fiction, with a focus on strong character development and interpersonal relationships and conflict. Blood From Heaven presents a unique perspective and voice, as it weaves together the points of view of the three protaganists without losing the readers ability to remain immersed in the story. It incorporates the ancient pagan traditions of women who served as Priestesses and liminal points to the spirit realm using an oracular technique of trance possession. Blood From Heaven was crafted with a strong and unique literary style.
I have drawn from my educational and professional background in Social Work, law enforcement, psychology, sociology, archaic and dead languages, Pagan spiritualities, occult history, modern magical movements, magical philosophy and history, and the arts and science of occult practice. I own a retail occult/Pagan business with an international customer base. This is my first novel.
I have started a blog written from the point of view of the female protagonist, Samone. [http://ejalvey.wordpress.com] It is a prequel to this novel in the form of her journal entries. Paterson and Liner use Samone's journal to learn about her and to assist them in locating her spirit and bring it back to her body. I think this will be an excellent way to help market the book and reach and maintain a fan-base for this series, as I have successfully developed a following in the blogosphere before from two blogs that I wrote and maintained, as well as when I diaried on Daily Kos.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
E J Alvey
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Future Agent:
Your expressed interest in literary fiction with commercial appeal led me to approach you for representation for my upmarket fiction work Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words.
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
Dale Paterson and Michael “Liner’ Dawson find themselves thrust into a new life when they encounter this woman. The veils between the spirit world and the Earthly realm are shredded by the urgency of life and death: the life of Samone, who will die if her spirit is not found in time, and the murders of two men.
Serafina, the angel, is forced to trust Paterson and Liner and imprints them into the world of magic, angels, and demons. As their new lives lurch forward in a world that alienates them from "mundanes", they begin a new path of initiation into spiritual self-transcendence, guided by the interaction with the angel Serafina. Once they rescue Samone from the spirit realm, the three of them form a bond of intimacy that only unbelievable circumstances can forge. Paterson and Liner have to face their own inner struggles while learning the ways that demons invade the lives of humans, and the ways angels are not always what they seem.
My novel most certainly fits the description of edgy dark fiction that has mainstream appeal as it combines elements of paranormal, mystery, and crime fiction, with a focus on strong character development and interpersonal relationships and conflict. Blood From Heaven presents a unique perspective and voice, as it weaves together the points of view of the three protaganists without losing the readers ability to remain immersed in the story. It incorporates the ancient pagan traditions of women who served as Priestesses and liminal points to the spirit realm using an oracular technique of trance possession. Blood From Heaven was crafted with a strong and unique literary style.
I have drawn from my educational and professional background in Social Work, law enforcement, psychology, sociology, archaic and dead languages, Pagan spiritualities, occult history, modern magical movements, magical philosophy and history, and the arts and science of occult practice. I own a retail occult/Pagan business with an international customer base. This is my first novel.
I have started a blog written from the point of view of the female protagonist, Samone. [http://ejalvey.wordpress.com] It is a prequel to this novel in the form of her journal entries. Paterson and Liner use Samone's journal to learn about her and to assist them in locating her spirit and bring it back to her body. I think this will be an excellent way to help market the book and reach and maintain a fan-base for this series, as I have successfully developed a following in the blogosphere before from two blogs that I wrote and maintained, as well as when I diaried on Daily Kos.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
E J Alvey
Jun 3, 2009
Query: A DARKER DAWN (Revisited)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. / Ms. Agent,
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about the bully’s death, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. They are bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a teacher in the school. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
----
- I don't have any pub credits worth mentioning :-(. So not so sure about what to mention in the bio
- Just a question Does the query seem too 'set-up'ish?
- Be absolutely brutal!
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. / Ms. Agent,
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about the bully’s death, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. They are bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a teacher in the school. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
----
- I don't have any pub credits worth mentioning :-(. So not so sure about what to mention in the bio
- Just a question Does the query seem too 'set-up'ish?
- Be absolutely brutal!
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (revisited)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Note: I really appreciate all the advice that I received for my first query attempt. I've tweaked it a bit (based on your suggestions) and humbly ask you if this is an improvement or not... I didn't change the word count issue (as the novel still needs to be edited), and I wonder if I should mention the targeted audience. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
--
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
Following the worst day of Olivia Marconi’s young life, her mother, Devi, soothes her with a unique bedtime tale, the first of many about Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven in southern Kentucky that unites families from all cultures and persuasions, supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals, and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose. Despite Devi’s evident passion for this made-up utopia, she remains disillusioned about her life as a middle-class housewife and mother in 1970s-era New Orleans.
Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN(Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, my first novel – a 150,000-word literary/mainstream saga that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world.
For more information, please visit my website: www.rubyhollow.com. If you would like to view the complete manuscript, please contact me via the email address, phone number, or mailing address listed above. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus an SASE for your convenience. Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the second revision.
Note: I really appreciate all the advice that I received for my first query attempt. I've tweaked it a bit (based on your suggestions) and humbly ask you if this is an improvement or not... I didn't change the word count issue (as the novel still needs to be edited), and I wonder if I should mention the targeted audience. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
--
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
Following the worst day of Olivia Marconi’s young life, her mother, Devi, soothes her with a unique bedtime tale, the first of many about Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven in southern Kentucky that unites families from all cultures and persuasions, supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals, and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose. Despite Devi’s evident passion for this made-up utopia, she remains disillusioned about her life as a middle-class housewife and mother in 1970s-era New Orleans.
Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN(Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, my first novel – a 150,000-word literary/mainstream saga that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world.
For more information, please visit my website: www.rubyhollow.com. If you would like to view the complete manuscript, please contact me via the email address, phone number, or mailing address listed above. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus an SASE for your convenience. Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jun 2, 2009
Query - The Chosen Ones
Dear Mr. Agent:
When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.
Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.
Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.
The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.
Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.
Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.
The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
The Eternal Link Query (version 3)
Click here to read the original query. Sorry, short on time. You can get to revision 2 from the original...
Click here to read version 4.
Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.
Thanks,
Wistful
*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.
In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.
THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.
Thanks,
Wistful
*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.
In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.
THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.
Query letter for Wesley Grey
To editor/agent at ***:
I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.
Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.
Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.
I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.
Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.
Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.
I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
Jun 1, 2009
100 Followers! And a contest!
This weekend The Public Query Slushpile picked up its 100th follower!
[NOTE: insert cyber confetti and a ticker tape parade across the World Wide Web here. Oh, and multi-colored balloons. They are quite festive.]
Thanks to everyone who stops by, whether you are submitting queries, commenting on queries posted, or even if you just lurk and read. And if all you do is lurk and read blogs all day, I hope you unplug and go outdoors occasionally. Really. It's nice out there.
And now a contest...The Best Query Competition
There are over 70 unique queries in the Slushpile. Over 125 if you count revisions. Have you read them all?
Look deep into the blog. You are getting sleepy. Wait, sorry. Wrong post. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
Look deep into the blog. Use the labels to the right, the search function at the top-left, or scan the titles in the archive. Find a few queries you never read. Re-read a few that you remember.
Leave a comment to this post letting us know which query you think is the best. [NOTE: I don't know why I said us just now, since there's only one of me here. Perhaps I need to take myself up on that "go outside" thing I mentioned earlier.]
And the prize? Sorry, I got nothing for you except this:
Thanks again for your support. And remember, you have to post to receive total consciousness on your deathbed...
[NOTE: insert cyber confetti and a ticker tape parade across the World Wide Web here. Oh, and multi-colored balloons. They are quite festive.]
Thanks to everyone who stops by, whether you are submitting queries, commenting on queries posted, or even if you just lurk and read. And if all you do is lurk and read blogs all day, I hope you unplug and go outdoors occasionally. Really. It's nice out there.
And now a contest...The Best Query Competition
There are over 70 unique queries in the Slushpile. Over 125 if you count revisions. Have you read them all?
Look deep into the blog. You are getting sleepy. Wait, sorry. Wrong post. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
Look deep into the blog. Use the labels to the right, the search function at the top-left, or scan the titles in the archive. Find a few queries you never read. Re-read a few that you remember.
Leave a comment to this post letting us know which query you think is the best. [NOTE: I don't know why I said us just now, since there's only one of me here. Perhaps I need to take myself up on that "go outside" thing I mentioned earlier.]
And the prize? Sorry, I got nothing for you except this:
Thanks again for your support. And remember, you have to post to receive total consciousness on your deathbed...
May 31, 2009
QUERY: A DARKER DAWN
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. /Ms. Agent:
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about their crime to anyone, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
Growing up in a small town of India, twelve-year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet come from broken families. Bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a school teacher, their friendship is the only wonderful thing in their lives.
The town has a violent history of religious and political tensions. One day, after a bomb explodes in front of an old mosque, a riot erupts between the Hindus and Muslims and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
Torn by guilt, they go their separate ways. Over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement.
They return to the town as strangers to each other, their friendship forgotten. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the man who called them back wants them to atone with their lives. The four friends have nothing but their old friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships desert.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Rohit Gore
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. /Ms. Agent:
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about their crime to anyone, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
Growing up in a small town of India, twelve-year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet come from broken families. Bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a school teacher, their friendship is the only wonderful thing in their lives.
The town has a violent history of religious and political tensions. One day, after a bomb explodes in front of an old mosque, a riot erupts between the Hindus and Muslims and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
Torn by guilt, they go their separate ways. Over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement.
They return to the town as strangers to each other, their friendship forgotten. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the man who called them back wants them to atone with their lives. The four friends have nothing but their old friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships desert.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Rohit Gore
Query - HOLLOW SOULS
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
In recent decades, the world has become increasingly more dangerous and more restrictive, making many people long for a refuge like Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven that unites families from all cultures, religions, and persuasions; supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals; and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose.
Devi Marconi, an unhappy housewife and mother, first shares the legend of this mysterious, century-old utopia with her youngest child, Olivia, following a particularly horrid day in 1970s-era New Orleans. Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world. While researching cave geology and varied cultures for the Hollow, I created detailed maps, census records, and the history of founder Ruby Fitzgerald, a dedicated abolitionist and the inspiration for my second novel, currently in progress.
Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work. If you would like to view the complete synopsis, proposal, or manuscript, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me via the email, phone, or mailing information listed above. I’ve enclosed a brief synopsis and an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
In recent decades, the world has become increasingly more dangerous and more restrictive, making many people long for a refuge like Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven that unites families from all cultures, religions, and persuasions; supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals; and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose.
Devi Marconi, an unhappy housewife and mother, first shares the legend of this mysterious, century-old utopia with her youngest child, Olivia, following a particularly horrid day in 1970s-era New Orleans. Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world. While researching cave geology and varied cultures for the Hollow, I created detailed maps, census records, and the history of founder Ruby Fitzgerald, a dedicated abolitionist and the inspiration for my second novel, currently in progress.
Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work. If you would like to view the complete synopsis, proposal, or manuscript, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me via the email, phone, or mailing information listed above. I’ve enclosed a brief synopsis and an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
May 30, 2009
Query Raising Kain: Diseased God
I would like to submit my short novel Raising Kain: Diseased God to the *** Literary agency for representation resulting in eventual publication. It is a novel that is exactly 44,560 words long, by the count of Microsoft Word.
I consider Raising Kain: Diseased God a combination of the Fantasy and Mythology genres. There are aspects about the novel that I would also consider Science Fiction because of the fact that a lot of the magic used by the powerful beings that exist in the story is more of a type of telepathy than actual magic. I would also say that there are some aspects of horror in the novel. The villain is an undead god of Disease named Pestilence after the biblical figure of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Raising Kain: Diseased God is the novel about a six year old boy named Apophis Kain. Kain is the child of Celita and Ouranus, the rulers of Atlantis and Gods in their own rights. The six year old protagonist is thrust into a Spartanesque training program headed by his aunt, the Aspect of the Earth Gaia. Gaia was told by Destiny himself that Kain would one day be her replacement as the Aspect of the Earth and, throughout the course of the novel (which covers the time in Kain's life from age six-nine) Gaia teaches the boy to fight and how the world around him works. Their training is interrupted, though, by a being named Pestilence. Pestilence is one of the three Dark Aspects, and is an undead disease ridden being. He is hell bent on getting revenge on Gaia, his former master before he was transformed into the Dark Aspect, by putting Kain through a veritable hell.
I would like to embark on a career as an author, and Raising Kain: Diseased God is my first completed novel. I have one prior publication credit in Concord Universitys literary magazine Reflexes. I intend on expanding Raising Kain into a trilogy relating the tail of Kains first trip into adulthood, with the possibility of another trilogy or two based on the outcome of the first. I am working on a second novel right now, but it is not the second book in the series.
I have the prologue and first chapter available on my blog: http://ryanmsmith1986.blogspot.com/2009/05/heres-what-every-body-has-been-waiting.html
More material is available upon request, and I do want to thank you for your consideration of my novel, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
I consider Raising Kain: Diseased God a combination of the Fantasy and Mythology genres. There are aspects about the novel that I would also consider Science Fiction because of the fact that a lot of the magic used by the powerful beings that exist in the story is more of a type of telepathy than actual magic. I would also say that there are some aspects of horror in the novel. The villain is an undead god of Disease named Pestilence after the biblical figure of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Raising Kain: Diseased God is the novel about a six year old boy named Apophis Kain. Kain is the child of Celita and Ouranus, the rulers of Atlantis and Gods in their own rights. The six year old protagonist is thrust into a Spartanesque training program headed by his aunt, the Aspect of the Earth Gaia. Gaia was told by Destiny himself that Kain would one day be her replacement as the Aspect of the Earth and, throughout the course of the novel (which covers the time in Kain's life from age six-nine) Gaia teaches the boy to fight and how the world around him works. Their training is interrupted, though, by a being named Pestilence. Pestilence is one of the three Dark Aspects, and is an undead disease ridden being. He is hell bent on getting revenge on Gaia, his former master before he was transformed into the Dark Aspect, by putting Kain through a veritable hell.
I would like to embark on a career as an author, and Raising Kain: Diseased God is my first completed novel. I have one prior publication credit in Concord Universitys literary magazine Reflexes. I intend on expanding Raising Kain into a trilogy relating the tail of Kains first trip into adulthood, with the possibility of another trilogy or two based on the outcome of the first. I am working on a second novel right now, but it is not the second book in the series.
I have the prologue and first chapter available on my blog: http://ryanmsmith1986.blogspot.com/2009/05/heres-what-every-body-has-been-waiting.html
More material is available upon request, and I do want to thank you for your consideration of my novel, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 5)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 26, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (Version 2)
Click here to read the original query.
*any comments would be really helpful to me! thanks in advance!
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of thin air, and the wizard Valmont arrives in the 3000 CE ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wants to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than a 2,000 year old memory.
*any comments would be really helpful to me! thanks in advance!
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of thin air, and the wizard Valmont arrives in the 3000 CE ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wants to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than a 2,000 year old memory.
May 24, 2009
Query - Nowhere to Run
Dear agent:
Corporate greed and one man’s plan for vengence collide in NOWHERE TO RUN, a 96,000 word dark romantic suspense, for which I am seeking representation.
Shae McCrary is a runner. Not in a sweaty, aerobic way, but in a jump-on-a-bus-because-the-boyfriend-proposed sort of way. She has a bad habit of sneaking away when her personal life gets jumbled, and right now, with her journalism career in shambles and strangers following her and ransacking her apartment, she’s definitely jumbled. When a man who would look more at home in a war zone than Greenwich Village grabs her outside her building, she decides he’s marginally less threatening than the bozos upstairs. And he flaunts the one thing that could bring her to a squealing halt: inside information on the story she just got canned for writing.
Noah Cole’s been buried in the underside of global politics for a lot of years, providing security for anyone who can afford his protection. Enough years to know when he’s being suckered: when the pesky reporter blinks those big brown eyes at him, says she teaches elementary school or some such nonsense, and couldn’t possibly know why his client called her hours before being kidnapped in Baghdad. Or how she’s come to be the next target.
So Cole does what he does best: snatches her before anyone else can, sure he can keep her alive long enough to get information out of her. And if seduction is the only thing that makes her talk, well, he can get past his aversion for her to make the sacrifice. But as the stakes go up, and the cost of justice becomes Shae herself, will he be able to let go of the woman who’s conned her way into his heart?
I am a member of Romance Writers Association of America. I have been published in nonfiction articles in international conflict and diplomacy, and am under contract for two nonfiction books with Syracuse University Press and Cambridge Press (UK).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Corporate greed and one man’s plan for vengence collide in NOWHERE TO RUN, a 96,000 word dark romantic suspense, for which I am seeking representation.
Shae McCrary is a runner. Not in a sweaty, aerobic way, but in a jump-on-a-bus-because-the-boyfriend-proposed sort of way. She has a bad habit of sneaking away when her personal life gets jumbled, and right now, with her journalism career in shambles and strangers following her and ransacking her apartment, she’s definitely jumbled. When a man who would look more at home in a war zone than Greenwich Village grabs her outside her building, she decides he’s marginally less threatening than the bozos upstairs. And he flaunts the one thing that could bring her to a squealing halt: inside information on the story she just got canned for writing.
Noah Cole’s been buried in the underside of global politics for a lot of years, providing security for anyone who can afford his protection. Enough years to know when he’s being suckered: when the pesky reporter blinks those big brown eyes at him, says she teaches elementary school or some such nonsense, and couldn’t possibly know why his client called her hours before being kidnapped in Baghdad. Or how she’s come to be the next target.
So Cole does what he does best: snatches her before anyone else can, sure he can keep her alive long enough to get information out of her. And if seduction is the only thing that makes her talk, well, he can get past his aversion for her to make the sacrifice. But as the stakes go up, and the cost of justice becomes Shae herself, will he be able to let go of the woman who’s conned her way into his heart?
I am a member of Romance Writers Association of America. I have been published in nonfiction articles in international conflict and diplomacy, and am under contract for two nonfiction books with Syracuse University Press and Cambridge Press (UK).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Wolf Of The Sea
A Pictish princess and a prophet of the future, Loxa is apprenticed to the old seer of her tribe. The king, her uncle, decides she is to marry his son, an honour that she can't refuse, despite their mutual loathing. Locked into a loveless marriage that her husband cannot bring himself to consummate, she is hounded by the Christian priest who is fearful of her powers, while terror comes to the kingdom's shores, as Norse longships are seen sailing into the bay.
Almost captured by the fearsome Norseman, Jorund, she finds that she cannot stop thinking about him long after the invaders have left. Unhappy with her life, in a village where it is whispered she is barren, Loxa seeks hope in her ability to predict future events. But seeing that she is to follow her husband to live and rule in a neighbouring kingdom, she refuses to leave. After being drugged, she wakes to find that she has been transported while unconscious.
Away from her kin and misunderstood in her new home, Loxa is almost relieved when the Norsemen strike again. As she re-encounters Jorund, she knows that he means abduct her and does not lament being taken across the sea. The new world she enters is unlike any she has known, where her powers are respected and she is honoured as Jorund's woman.
The Norsemen continue to make raids across the water and Loxa is left distraught when Jorund does not return from a skirmish. As she plans to take her life and honourably join him in Valhalla, Loxa finds that she is pregnant and choses to live for Jorund's child. As attacks come from surrounding tribes, Loxa and her son escape with the remaining villagers over the sea, arriving back in the bay where she was raised.
Under pressure to return to her husband, Loxa fights that the marriage be annulled. The king disagrees as there is no evidence that Jorund is alive and that he is able to claim her and their son. Loxa's predictions allow her to see that Jorund will return the day after a ball of fire flies across the night sky, but these claims are not believed. The evening before the priest is take her back to the neighbouring lands, a comet is seen clearly moving across the horizon.
The villagers wait with Loxa the next day to witness the arrive of the Norseman, but it is not until sunset that a small skiff is seen entering into the bay.
THE WOLF OF THE SEA is a work of historical fiction, complete at 90,000 words.
Almost captured by the fearsome Norseman, Jorund, she finds that she cannot stop thinking about him long after the invaders have left. Unhappy with her life, in a village where it is whispered she is barren, Loxa seeks hope in her ability to predict future events. But seeing that she is to follow her husband to live and rule in a neighbouring kingdom, she refuses to leave. After being drugged, she wakes to find that she has been transported while unconscious.
Away from her kin and misunderstood in her new home, Loxa is almost relieved when the Norsemen strike again. As she re-encounters Jorund, she knows that he means abduct her and does not lament being taken across the sea. The new world she enters is unlike any she has known, where her powers are respected and she is honoured as Jorund's woman.
The Norsemen continue to make raids across the water and Loxa is left distraught when Jorund does not return from a skirmish. As she plans to take her life and honourably join him in Valhalla, Loxa finds that she is pregnant and choses to live for Jorund's child. As attacks come from surrounding tribes, Loxa and her son escape with the remaining villagers over the sea, arriving back in the bay where she was raised.
Under pressure to return to her husband, Loxa fights that the marriage be annulled. The king disagrees as there is no evidence that Jorund is alive and that he is able to claim her and their son. Loxa's predictions allow her to see that Jorund will return the day after a ball of fire flies across the night sky, but these claims are not believed. The evening before the priest is take her back to the neighbouring lands, a comet is seen clearly moving across the horizon.
The villagers wait with Loxa the next day to witness the arrive of the Norseman, but it is not until sunset that a small skiff is seen entering into the bay.
THE WOLF OF THE SEA is a work of historical fiction, complete at 90,000 words.
May 23, 2009
Query - Story for a Shipwright (Revision 4)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
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