Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
If Genna had thought going home would be hell, she would have brought along her hand basket.
Returning home to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual Fourth of July parade for the first time in ten years, Genna is more than excited to share the great news about her fantastic promotion as executive kitchen manager at a swanky country club in Delaware. However, she isn’t home five minutes before trouble starts when she runs into her ex-fiancé. Although everyone says he’s no good, Genna can’t see through her memories clearly enough to discern if they’re right.
Genna’s problems escalate as she discovers her aunt may have Alzheimer’s and no one in the family wants to deal with it. Angie is hysterical over a bad pap smear and a broken marriage. Robby completely shuts down when he finds out his plaid and pearl wearing girlfriend is pregnant. To put the icing on the cake, her beloved uncle has a heart attack.
Genna finds keeping her uncle’s diner open during the busiest time of the year is more than just hard work, it is in her blood and she questions if she should give up her new job in Delaware to stay in Bristol. And when little Petie DiCampo appears, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy, she wonders if he could be the man to finally break down the walls she’s built around herself since the night her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was a kid.
In twenty-one days, Genna figures out all the answers to her family’s problems before she heads back to Delaware. She also decides living without love is not in her future, the problem is, which man will she choose?
REMEMBERING YOU is a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Jul 29, 2010
Seaweeds Query (version 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by her strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect, like when she dances at his sister’s wedding or when her first words are: “Love. Pearl love Sky.”
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I've gotten so much help already and I really feel my query is close to being ready for agents but I'm still torn with a couple of lines such as: "Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean." I also have a new paragraph in the middle. THANKS!
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by her strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect, like when she dances at his sister’s wedding or when her first words are: “Love. Pearl love Sky.”
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I've gotten so much help already and I really feel my query is close to being ready for agents but I'm still torn with a couple of lines such as: "Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean." I also have a new paragraph in the middle. THANKS!
Nonfiction Query: Einstein's Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams
What if you were given a set of cognitive tools that enabled you to lucid dream any conceivable experience with precision? What if these tools not only opened up a brand new area of experience, but also unified previously disparate facts in the fields of, science, art theory and consciousness studies?
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies disparate facts in three fields of study. In the field of science, empirical evidence proves that our senses do not perceive objects, rather they detect an abstraction that philosophers call raw sense data, or more accurately, abstract sense data). In the field of art, the advent of Cubist painting 1910-1912 is Braque and Picasso’s unconscious acknowledgement that the senses perceive an abstraction. This acknowledgement continues through the Movements of Modern Art and continues into Post Modern and Contemporary Art. In the forty-year-old field of consciousness studies, the fact that the senses perceive abstract sense data, lays an empirical foundation for a radically new kind of science – a first-person science of consciousness. Handling abstract sense data allows anyone who is interested the ability not only to choose the contents of their lucid dreams before hand, but also to experience themselves in two places at one time. Einstein's Gift is a must-have for lucid dreamers, artists, academics, and anyone interested in the nature of consciousness.
A first-person science of consciousness attempts to bring the spiritual back into science and is one of academia’s hottest new fields of study. Roger Penrose, Dan Lloyd, and Douglas R. Hofstadter, all contemporary academic scholars involved in attempts to establish a first-person science of consciousness, are employing narrative non-fiction as a means to explain their theories of consciousness. Unlike their books, which define and philosophize the nature of consciousness, Einstein’s Gift narrates actual first-hand experiences from the author's own engineered lucid dreams. The Engineering of Lucid Dreams eschews narrating details of the author's personal day-to-day life and instead utilizes a fictional, but academic dialogue between two characters. The first character is a college student studying abstract art (a portrayal of the author learning how to engineer lucid dreams). The second is Einstein (based on the historical Albert Einstein 1879 – 1955 whose intellectual commentary and guidance are based upon 17 years of the author’s academic and shamanic study). In the classic Aristotle vs. Socrates dialogue and debate, the young painter and Einstein argue over the existence of abstract and imaginary sense data, the nature of Postmodern Art, the Movements of Modern Art, the disappearance of the Avant-Garde and the exquisite nature of engineered lucid dreams.
The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies a new cognitive understanding of abstract art with the contemporary academic attempt to establish an empirical basis for a first-person science of consciousness. The book confronts many of the time-tested and treasured ideas about God, evolution, the nature of reality, the nature of dying and very definition of what it means to be alive. The author’s first-hand lucid dreaming experiences demonstrate how he answered his big speculative questions: Where did the Neanderthals go? Can human consciousness experience the ultraviolet spectrum? What happened at the beginning of the universe? Can we be aware of the atoms in our own bodies? In addition, Einstein’s Gift offers controversial answers to long-standing academic questions: What is the purpose of abstract art? Why is abstract art the dominant feature of the last 100 years of art? What is the function of consciousness? What is consciousness?
Einstein’s Gift is the fruition of over 17 years of shamanistic practice and academic study, earning the author a BFA in Fine Arts from the University of Arizona and an MA in Art Theory, History and Criticism from Prescott College. He has presented his theory of consciousness at the world renowned 2006, 2008 and 2010 Tucson Consciousness Conferences. He has over 14 years of Southwestern gallery showings where he talks about and introduces people to the idea that the power of abstract art is incredibly miscalculated.
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams offers readers interested in art, science and consciousness a highly compelling argument and jaw dropping lucid dream experiences. The book will be 55,000 words, contain a bibliography, photographic reproductions of 7-15 paintings. The manuscript and all required copyright clearance will be completed three to six months (or sooner) upon receipt of advance. Chapters 4-8 (of 11) are undergoing a professional edit. Chapters 1-3 will be attached to your request for my nonfiction book proposal.
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies disparate facts in three fields of study. In the field of science, empirical evidence proves that our senses do not perceive objects, rather they detect an abstraction that philosophers call raw sense data, or more accurately, abstract sense data). In the field of art, the advent of Cubist painting 1910-1912 is Braque and Picasso’s unconscious acknowledgement that the senses perceive an abstraction. This acknowledgement continues through the Movements of Modern Art and continues into Post Modern and Contemporary Art. In the forty-year-old field of consciousness studies, the fact that the senses perceive abstract sense data, lays an empirical foundation for a radically new kind of science – a first-person science of consciousness. Handling abstract sense data allows anyone who is interested the ability not only to choose the contents of their lucid dreams before hand, but also to experience themselves in two places at one time. Einstein's Gift is a must-have for lucid dreamers, artists, academics, and anyone interested in the nature of consciousness.
A first-person science of consciousness attempts to bring the spiritual back into science and is one of academia’s hottest new fields of study. Roger Penrose, Dan Lloyd, and Douglas R. Hofstadter, all contemporary academic scholars involved in attempts to establish a first-person science of consciousness, are employing narrative non-fiction as a means to explain their theories of consciousness. Unlike their books, which define and philosophize the nature of consciousness, Einstein’s Gift narrates actual first-hand experiences from the author's own engineered lucid dreams. The Engineering of Lucid Dreams eschews narrating details of the author's personal day-to-day life and instead utilizes a fictional, but academic dialogue between two characters. The first character is a college student studying abstract art (a portrayal of the author learning how to engineer lucid dreams). The second is Einstein (based on the historical Albert Einstein 1879 – 1955 whose intellectual commentary and guidance are based upon 17 years of the author’s academic and shamanic study). In the classic Aristotle vs. Socrates dialogue and debate, the young painter and Einstein argue over the existence of abstract and imaginary sense data, the nature of Postmodern Art, the Movements of Modern Art, the disappearance of the Avant-Garde and the exquisite nature of engineered lucid dreams.
The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies a new cognitive understanding of abstract art with the contemporary academic attempt to establish an empirical basis for a first-person science of consciousness. The book confronts many of the time-tested and treasured ideas about God, evolution, the nature of reality, the nature of dying and very definition of what it means to be alive. The author’s first-hand lucid dreaming experiences demonstrate how he answered his big speculative questions: Where did the Neanderthals go? Can human consciousness experience the ultraviolet spectrum? What happened at the beginning of the universe? Can we be aware of the atoms in our own bodies? In addition, Einstein’s Gift offers controversial answers to long-standing academic questions: What is the purpose of abstract art? Why is abstract art the dominant feature of the last 100 years of art? What is the function of consciousness? What is consciousness?
Einstein’s Gift is the fruition of over 17 years of shamanistic practice and academic study, earning the author a BFA in Fine Arts from the University of Arizona and an MA in Art Theory, History and Criticism from Prescott College. He has presented his theory of consciousness at the world renowned 2006, 2008 and 2010 Tucson Consciousness Conferences. He has over 14 years of Southwestern gallery showings where he talks about and introduces people to the idea that the power of abstract art is incredibly miscalculated.
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams offers readers interested in art, science and consciousness a highly compelling argument and jaw dropping lucid dream experiences. The book will be 55,000 words, contain a bibliography, photographic reproductions of 7-15 paintings. The manuscript and all required copyright clearance will be completed three to six months (or sooner) upon receipt of advance. Chapters 4-8 (of 11) are undergoing a professional edit. Chapters 1-3 will be attached to your request for my nonfiction book proposal.
Jul 26, 2010
QUERY- REMEMBERING YOU -- women's fiction first revision
If Genna thought returning home after a long absence would be hell, she would have brought along her hand-basket. Wanting to celebrate the good news about her fabulous job offer, Genna realizes it’s time to relinquish her past demons and go home.
Not even there five minutes, it comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and her unresolved feelings for him. What he did a decade ago still twists her heart and when he asks for forgiveness, Genna decides to let the past go and move on. However, when Genna’s cousin reveals long buried secrets about her ex- Genna wonders if she made a mistake. “People don’t change” Angie says, but Genna has seen it happen in more than one person since returning. Including herself.
Unexpectedly, she discovers a promising new love in the arms of a man she once despised. Her family is pushing her into this new relationship but as she wrestles with her feelings, she makes the unbelievable mistake of sleeping with her ex-. Keeping the two men from finding out about each other proves to be impossible as they both show up for a date on the same night.
Moreover, her new promotion grows cold as she faces a family member’s health crisis no one saw coming. She wonders if she should skip the advancement and remain where she never wanted to leave or go and live the life she always thought she wanted. Genna, torn between two worlds, her decision to remain is the only one possible. However, which love will capture her heart, old or new?
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Thank you everyone, in advance for your comments.
Robin
Not even there five minutes, it comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and her unresolved feelings for him. What he did a decade ago still twists her heart and when he asks for forgiveness, Genna decides to let the past go and move on. However, when Genna’s cousin reveals long buried secrets about her ex- Genna wonders if she made a mistake. “People don’t change” Angie says, but Genna has seen it happen in more than one person since returning. Including herself.
Unexpectedly, she discovers a promising new love in the arms of a man she once despised. Her family is pushing her into this new relationship but as she wrestles with her feelings, she makes the unbelievable mistake of sleeping with her ex-. Keeping the two men from finding out about each other proves to be impossible as they both show up for a date on the same night.
Moreover, her new promotion grows cold as she faces a family member’s health crisis no one saw coming. She wonders if she should skip the advancement and remain where she never wanted to leave or go and live the life she always thought she wanted. Genna, torn between two worlds, her decision to remain is the only one possible. However, which love will capture her heart, old or new?
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Thank you everyone, in advance for your comments.
Robin
Jul 24, 2010
QUERY- REINCARNATE
Click here to read the original query.
Hi,
I hope no one minds me showing back up here. I know it's been a while. My original query has proven completely ineffectual, so I'm rewriting it from the ground up. I'm hoping to get some feedback on the new version, if anyone is willing.
Dear XXX,
Jeanne Delacey doesn’t believe in God or Heaven or angels; it’s no surprise she doesn’t believe the psychic who tells her she’s the reincarnation of Jeanne d’Arc. Still, when a demon attacks her in the French Quarter, she realizes her beliefs need to bend at least a little. Sure, she might be able to shrug off nightmares of burning to death as coincidence. Ignoring the reincarnation of Pierre Cauchon, Jeanne d’Arc’s head judge and worst enemy—not so easy. Especially since he’s leading Hell’s vanguard in a war against Heaven.
The angel Jeanne finds sitting in her living room isn’t terribly Biblical, but he is a pain in the ass; he thinks she can stop the war if she stops Cauchon. She just wants her normal life back. But no matter how much she wants to run from the problem, she can’t. Because Heaven wants to bring the fight to Hell, which will land the mortal world in the crossfire. Now she must rely on a powerful bracelet that turns into a sword, and Luca Griffith—tall, dark, and definitely hiding something—for aid. Worse, she has to rely on herself. If she can’t find the courage to fight, Cauchon will send her to the stake again. And this time, the entire world will burn with her.
REINCARNATE is an 82,000 word adult urban fantasy set in modern day New Orleans.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
July 24, 2010 5:36 PM
Hi,
I hope no one minds me showing back up here. I know it's been a while. My original query has proven completely ineffectual, so I'm rewriting it from the ground up. I'm hoping to get some feedback on the new version, if anyone is willing.
Dear XXX,
Jeanne Delacey doesn’t believe in God or Heaven or angels; it’s no surprise she doesn’t believe the psychic who tells her she’s the reincarnation of Jeanne d’Arc. Still, when a demon attacks her in the French Quarter, she realizes her beliefs need to bend at least a little. Sure, she might be able to shrug off nightmares of burning to death as coincidence. Ignoring the reincarnation of Pierre Cauchon, Jeanne d’Arc’s head judge and worst enemy—not so easy. Especially since he’s leading Hell’s vanguard in a war against Heaven.
The angel Jeanne finds sitting in her living room isn’t terribly Biblical, but he is a pain in the ass; he thinks she can stop the war if she stops Cauchon. She just wants her normal life back. But no matter how much she wants to run from the problem, she can’t. Because Heaven wants to bring the fight to Hell, which will land the mortal world in the crossfire. Now she must rely on a powerful bracelet that turns into a sword, and Luca Griffith—tall, dark, and definitely hiding something—for aid. Worse, she has to rely on herself. If she can’t find the courage to fight, Cauchon will send her to the stake again. And this time, the entire world will burn with her.
REINCARNATE is an 82,000 word adult urban fantasy set in modern day New Orleans.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
July 24, 2010 5:36 PM
Jul 23, 2010
Query- Fledgling (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
This is my revised version- I hope it reads better. Thank you for your feedback.
Fledgling, is a completed 90,000 word, young adult urban fantasy.
Eighteen-year-old Chance Morgan has a secret—but he’s not the only one.
Chance has everything he could want. With his Navajo grandfather as a guide, he successfully hides his growing ancestral powers as the concealed world of shapeshifting unfolds before him. He discovers his abilities are far more intoxicating than wasting time with small town friends, having no interest in complicating his life any further. But when Ana Hughes, the new girl at Clark Fork High, tries going undetected, he can’t help but notice her… even if he doesn’t want to.
Quiet and introspective, Ana’s sad green eyes pull Chance in, shattering his preconceived rules against love and friendship. The opaque scar rising up her sternum and an irregular heartbeat trigger his instinct to protect her and he knows she’s hiding something. But as their trust grows, Ana also becomes suspicious of his animal-like senses and miraculous healing ability. And he is forced to risk either losing her or revealing his astonishing secret life.
On graduation night his grandfather reluctantly exposes a gruesome family secret. Then a nameless cousin appears who unravels a world Chance thought he understood-- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child with heart defects, I have lived through the stress and fear associated with it and was inspired to create a character who could rise above her physical disabilities.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
This is my revised version- I hope it reads better. Thank you for your feedback.
Fledgling, is a completed 90,000 word, young adult urban fantasy.
Eighteen-year-old Chance Morgan has a secret—but he’s not the only one.
Chance has everything he could want. With his Navajo grandfather as a guide, he successfully hides his growing ancestral powers as the concealed world of shapeshifting unfolds before him. He discovers his abilities are far more intoxicating than wasting time with small town friends, having no interest in complicating his life any further. But when Ana Hughes, the new girl at Clark Fork High, tries going undetected, he can’t help but notice her… even if he doesn’t want to.
Quiet and introspective, Ana’s sad green eyes pull Chance in, shattering his preconceived rules against love and friendship. The opaque scar rising up her sternum and an irregular heartbeat trigger his instinct to protect her and he knows she’s hiding something. But as their trust grows, Ana also becomes suspicious of his animal-like senses and miraculous healing ability. And he is forced to risk either losing her or revealing his astonishing secret life.
On graduation night his grandfather reluctantly exposes a gruesome family secret. Then a nameless cousin appears who unravels a world Chance thought he understood-- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child with heart defects, I have lived through the stress and fear associated with it and was inspired to create a character who could rise above her physical disabilities.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Jul 20, 2010
Query- Fledgling
In Fledgling, a perilous and legendary world is slowly unfolding for Chance Morgan, a high school senior who has successfully hidden his powerful ancestral gift- until he meets Ana Hughes, a quiet girl cloaking a secret of her own. This completed 90,000 word, young adult urban fantasy is the first in a series.
Set apart from other eighteen-year-olds, Ana knows she is different. A severe health condition smothers her future and she yearns to feel normal. When she moves to a new town and meets Chance, an anti-social senior who sees past her guise, the two are forced to reconcile their rules about love and friendship. As Ana grows increasingly suspicious of Chance’s animal-like senses and surprising healing ability, he is forced to risk either losing Ana or revealing his astonishing secret life. But once Chance’s grandfather exposes a dangerous secret of his own, it begins unraveling the rules of a world Chance thought he understood- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child born with heart defects, I was inspired to create a strong character that could rise above her physical disabilities, while telling a story laced with humor, romance and action. A second book is in outline format now with a planned third book in the series that continues Chance and Ana’s adventures.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
mountainbrown@hotmail.com
Set apart from other eighteen-year-olds, Ana knows she is different. A severe health condition smothers her future and she yearns to feel normal. When she moves to a new town and meets Chance, an anti-social senior who sees past her guise, the two are forced to reconcile their rules about love and friendship. As Ana grows increasingly suspicious of Chance’s animal-like senses and surprising healing ability, he is forced to risk either losing Ana or revealing his astonishing secret life. But once Chance’s grandfather exposes a dangerous secret of his own, it begins unraveling the rules of a world Chance thought he understood- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child born with heart defects, I was inspired to create a strong character that could rise above her physical disabilities, while telling a story laced with humor, romance and action. A second book is in outline format now with a planned third book in the series that continues Chance and Ana’s adventures.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
mountainbrown@hotmail.com
Query: The Rain Legacy (revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
On the strictly religious continent of Arydnea, thirteen-year-old Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
It may be too late for her father, whom she found dying on his bedroom floor, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate doesn’t want to give Lynette a rest. Not only is the man who ordered the murder of her father an immortal nobleman, but the goddess of Arydnea also expects Lynette to take up arms and defend the continent from him. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the royal army’s chasing her, because Lynette’s going to make sure the odds are in her favor before stepping onto the battlefield.
If she’s going to defend Arydnea, then she’d better get a formal request- and a little help.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
On the strictly religious continent of Arydnea, thirteen-year-old Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
It may be too late for her father, whom she found dying on his bedroom floor, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate doesn’t want to give Lynette a rest. Not only is the man who ordered the murder of her father an immortal nobleman, but the goddess of Arydnea also expects Lynette to take up arms and defend the continent from him. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the royal army’s chasing her, because Lynette’s going to make sure the odds are in her favor before stepping onto the battlefield.
If she’s going to defend Arydnea, then she’d better get a formal request- and a little help.
Jul 13, 2010
Query: Pawn's Gambit
Dear Agent,
I have been following your blog for the last few months and etc, etc. I hope that you will consider representing my contemporary fantasy novel, PAWN’S GAMBIT.
Steven Bauer always thought chess was just a game, until the sexy brunette in the black dress did her level best to incinerate him. He is rescued from this literal baptism of fire by a world-weary mystic known only as Grey, who introduces Steven to the world of the Game, an ancient conflict that takes the form of a nightmare version of the game of kings. Steven draws his preordained chess piece from Grey’s mystical pouch and assumes the role of the White Pawn, the first of a chosen few fated to take their places among the White and fight until only one side remains. Before the Game can begin, though, the remaining Pieces must be gathered, and that job falls to Steven. Armed with only the weapons of his station, he goes in search of the others. But he isn’t alone in seeking his brethren among the White, as the opposition led by his attempted assassin, the Black Queen, is also on the hunt. At every turn, the stakes get higher, leading to a showdown in the heart of Atlanta between the forces of light and darkness for the fate of the world.
PAWN'S GAMBIT, complete at 114,000 words, should appeal to fans of Neil Gaiman, Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series and Piers Anthony’s “Incarnations of Immortality” series. It is a complete story with a satisfying ending, though I do imagine this book as the beginning of a series, all culminating in the playing of the Game in the final book. Of note, I had the pleasure of meeting Lou Anders, the editorial director at Pyr, at DragonCon last September. He found the concept of my story interesting and asked that I submit there once I obtained representation.
When I’m not writing about mystical chess games, I work as a family doctor based out of Charlotte, NC. I recently finished eight years as an Army physician during which my ten and a half month stint in Iraq allowed me to write the first half of my novel. I have spent the last couple of years completing and preparing this manuscript for the next step and am excited to share it with you. With my background, you might ask why I’m not writing medical thrillers or military memoirs, but telling Steven’s story has become my passion.
Please find the synopsis and first chapter below. Additional information is available at my website as listed. Thank you for considering my manuscript.
Darin Kennedy
www.darinkennedy.com
I have been following your blog for the last few months and etc, etc. I hope that you will consider representing my contemporary fantasy novel, PAWN’S GAMBIT.
Steven Bauer always thought chess was just a game, until the sexy brunette in the black dress did her level best to incinerate him. He is rescued from this literal baptism of fire by a world-weary mystic known only as Grey, who introduces Steven to the world of the Game, an ancient conflict that takes the form of a nightmare version of the game of kings. Steven draws his preordained chess piece from Grey’s mystical pouch and assumes the role of the White Pawn, the first of a chosen few fated to take their places among the White and fight until only one side remains. Before the Game can begin, though, the remaining Pieces must be gathered, and that job falls to Steven. Armed with only the weapons of his station, he goes in search of the others. But he isn’t alone in seeking his brethren among the White, as the opposition led by his attempted assassin, the Black Queen, is also on the hunt. At every turn, the stakes get higher, leading to a showdown in the heart of Atlanta between the forces of light and darkness for the fate of the world.
PAWN'S GAMBIT, complete at 114,000 words, should appeal to fans of Neil Gaiman, Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series and Piers Anthony’s “Incarnations of Immortality” series. It is a complete story with a satisfying ending, though I do imagine this book as the beginning of a series, all culminating in the playing of the Game in the final book. Of note, I had the pleasure of meeting Lou Anders, the editorial director at Pyr, at DragonCon last September. He found the concept of my story interesting and asked that I submit there once I obtained representation.
When I’m not writing about mystical chess games, I work as a family doctor based out of Charlotte, NC. I recently finished eight years as an Army physician during which my ten and a half month stint in Iraq allowed me to write the first half of my novel. I have spent the last couple of years completing and preparing this manuscript for the next step and am excited to share it with you. With my background, you might ask why I’m not writing medical thrillers or military memoirs, but telling Steven’s story has become my passion.
Please find the synopsis and first chapter below. Additional information is available at my website as listed. Thank you for considering my manuscript.
Darin Kennedy
www.darinkennedy.com
QUERY- STRAPPED
Dear Mr. Torrence,
After countless horror movies, books and video games, Paul Thomas-an unemployed shock jock-always dreamed about what if a real life zombie outbreak happened like this. Not that he had wanted this to happen, but, outside of Sophia, he had had little to lose, which made the adventure of it attractive to his day dreams. Real life was so boring. Two weeks ago, movies and games were just entertainment, an escape from the mundane rigors of life. Today, they were training. In this world, he was the one with the edge. However, in all of his corpse-infested fantasies it had never been this damn cold.
He could feel her shivering against him now in the flickering candlelight. The snow covered farmhouse was deserted and drafty, caught in the clutches of Iowa’s third worst winter in state history. The nine-millimeter strapped to his leg was cold as ice. He would have to get Sophia to warmer weather and fast. If he had learned one thing over the past five years they’d been dating, it was to make her bring a sweater to the movies. Even if it was ninety degrees out. She was always cold and if the zombies didn’t get them, the freezing temps would. Sun, margaritas and bikinis in the Gulf of Mexico was the only way to go. And guns. No crappy jobs or relentless bills. Hell, it would almost be romantic, especially with the right boat. But when she gets bitten along the way and painfully turns, all of that changes. He blames himself for failing her. Now he must decide wether to give up altogether or to carry on with Wendy, a pretty dancer they had met while seeking shelter in a small town Kansas strip bar. She is no replacement for his Sophia, yet ironically, he is able to save her life time and time again. Months of hiding together leave them entangled in a true test of the limits of love in a world with no rules. Things move too fast now, but old ghosts are hard to shake.
Like Paul, I am also an unemployed radio guy, devoted fan of all things horror and my girlfriend’s best chance of surviving the inevitable zombie infection. STRAPPED is 90,000 words and my completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request. I would love to work with you and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Sean F
Address
Phone
E-mail
After countless horror movies, books and video games, Paul Thomas-an unemployed shock jock-always dreamed about what if a real life zombie outbreak happened like this. Not that he had wanted this to happen, but, outside of Sophia, he had had little to lose, which made the adventure of it attractive to his day dreams. Real life was so boring. Two weeks ago, movies and games were just entertainment, an escape from the mundane rigors of life. Today, they were training. In this world, he was the one with the edge. However, in all of his corpse-infested fantasies it had never been this damn cold.
He could feel her shivering against him now in the flickering candlelight. The snow covered farmhouse was deserted and drafty, caught in the clutches of Iowa’s third worst winter in state history. The nine-millimeter strapped to his leg was cold as ice. He would have to get Sophia to warmer weather and fast. If he had learned one thing over the past five years they’d been dating, it was to make her bring a sweater to the movies. Even if it was ninety degrees out. She was always cold and if the zombies didn’t get them, the freezing temps would. Sun, margaritas and bikinis in the Gulf of Mexico was the only way to go. And guns. No crappy jobs or relentless bills. Hell, it would almost be romantic, especially with the right boat. But when she gets bitten along the way and painfully turns, all of that changes. He blames himself for failing her. Now he must decide wether to give up altogether or to carry on with Wendy, a pretty dancer they had met while seeking shelter in a small town Kansas strip bar. She is no replacement for his Sophia, yet ironically, he is able to save her life time and time again. Months of hiding together leave them entangled in a true test of the limits of love in a world with no rules. Things move too fast now, but old ghosts are hard to shake.
Like Paul, I am also an unemployed radio guy, devoted fan of all things horror and my girlfriend’s best chance of surviving the inevitable zombie infection. STRAPPED is 90,000 words and my completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request. I would love to work with you and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Sean F
Address
Phone
Query- Crucible of Silver (revision 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
One more try. Any feedback is welcome at all.
Silver squirrel has tried everything and failed. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! ”
Silver’s faced predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home, starting this tangled chain of natural events. Silver sits in the snow after a tiny bird stole his last few morsels of food, contemplating how it all came to this, and he wonders: does he have to forgive the leaders now?
He’s come a long way from insignificant beginnings under a stump. He was timid and inexperienced. Now, he’s just ruined, but perhaps he’s learned how to love others. He loved Sandy Brown, that’s for sure. Maybe he has grown. Maybe it was a refining fire that got him here.
An idea begins to form, a plan, not just to save himself, but all of them. Old Jacob used to say he had a special destiny. It can’t end like this. He’s faced a hawk and lived, battled ermine hand to hand, and even wooed a female. His plan very well could be a disaster, but if it works, he’ll have this one treasure, Sandy by his side.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story completed at 70,000 words.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally copy edited. There are two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals, forming a trilogy. The series has been in the works for 16 years, while I spent time in the wilderness. There are allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not religious in nature. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a big influence as well, existing in a similar universe.
According to your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
One more try. Any feedback is welcome at all.
Silver squirrel has tried everything and failed. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! ”
Silver’s faced predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home, starting this tangled chain of natural events. Silver sits in the snow after a tiny bird stole his last few morsels of food, contemplating how it all came to this, and he wonders: does he have to forgive the leaders now?
He’s come a long way from insignificant beginnings under a stump. He was timid and inexperienced. Now, he’s just ruined, but perhaps he’s learned how to love others. He loved Sandy Brown, that’s for sure. Maybe he has grown. Maybe it was a refining fire that got him here.
An idea begins to form, a plan, not just to save himself, but all of them. Old Jacob used to say he had a special destiny. It can’t end like this. He’s faced a hawk and lived, battled ermine hand to hand, and even wooed a female. His plan very well could be a disaster, but if it works, he’ll have this one treasure, Sandy by his side.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story completed at 70,000 words.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally copy edited. There are two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals, forming a trilogy. The series has been in the works for 16 years, while I spent time in the wilderness. There are allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not religious in nature. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a big influence as well, existing in a similar universe.
According to your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - It's All About the Music
Corinne’s best friend Heather breaks into her house to steal lyrics to enter her in the songwriting competition she’s been begging Corinne to do for more than a year. A bewildered Corinne gets a phone call from the manager of Christian Meyer, Chris, a man whose music she’s loved for years.
A week later she’s on a plane for California leaving her tidy home and six year old twins behind. After a weekend of writing music with Christian and swapping stories about their youth, Corinne heads home. Chris shows up a week later.
Corinne is suddenly in the most passionate relationship of her life. Chris immerses himself in her beloved routine and adores her children. Almost immediately the chaos of his life creeps into hers and she begins to realize the complexities of being with someone like him. With tour dates set and a long separation looming in the very near future, Corinne is forced to choose between the man she loves and the quiet, stable life she’s worked so hard to achieve.
It’s All About the Music is a 108,000 word work of women’s fiction written in Corinne’s first person view. This is my first novel and I am seeking representation.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration,
Jolene B Perry
This is one of two that I've written. If you guys tear it to shreds - and please feel free - maybe I'll post number two.
A week later she’s on a plane for California leaving her tidy home and six year old twins behind. After a weekend of writing music with Christian and swapping stories about their youth, Corinne heads home. Chris shows up a week later.
Corinne is suddenly in the most passionate relationship of her life. Chris immerses himself in her beloved routine and adores her children. Almost immediately the chaos of his life creeps into hers and she begins to realize the complexities of being with someone like him. With tour dates set and a long separation looming in the very near future, Corinne is forced to choose between the man she loves and the quiet, stable life she’s worked so hard to achieve.
It’s All About the Music is a 108,000 word work of women’s fiction written in Corinne’s first person view. This is my first novel and I am seeking representation.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration,
Jolene B Perry
This is one of two that I've written. If you guys tear it to shreds - and please feel free - maybe I'll post number two.
Jul 12, 2010
Synopsis for Beauty For Ashes
Click here to read the most recent query.
word count: 1,160
Critique requested: Is it too dry? Does it use phrases that don't work? Does the end satisfy? Enough/too much detal? Does it do its job (making the reader want to request the manuscript)?
Critique tolerance is high. Anything you have to say is appreciated!
Synopsis
JONATHAN DOUGLAS had a beautiful young wife, a job he loved, and a faith in God he thought couldn’t be shaken. When a desperate phone call from his mother sends him racing home from work, he arrives to find the air filled with smoke and ash, while neighbors and firemen surround his smoldering house. The news that his wife and infant daughter were killed in the fire ends life as he knows it.
Stripped of everything he loved, John rebels against the God who betrayed him. He ignores the Voice of the Lord tickling his soul and continues a downward spiral into depression. Haunted by vivid nightmares- images of his family in the flames- John turns to alcohol for escape. He eventually makes his way to the Las Vegas strip where he spends his time alternately giving himself over to his despair, and fighting off the pain with drink.
APRIL is a strong, independent woman. She watched her mother jump from one abusive relationship to another and is determined not to be as weak as she was. So when her own boyfriend turns violent- beating and raping her after a late night of drinking- April refuses to be a victim. She sneaks out during the night and speeds away from everything she knows. With nothing but a few bucks, she melts into the crowds of Vegas and fights to start over. After living out of her car and serving drinks to sweaty, boorish men, April lands an apartment and roommate but struggles to come up with the rent each month. Losing one job after another leaves her desperate to keep a roof over her head- so desperate that she is willing to do anything to keep off the streets.
John meanwhile, can no longer cope with his pain and decides to end his life. On what would have been his last night alive, he meets April in the hotel bar. April reminds him so much of his deceased wife that when she propositions him and names her price he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up the next morning to a shattered illusion and profound shame. John is finally broken before the Almighty. Falling to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor of a Vegas hotel room, he finds the Lord waiting with open arms.
In search of a new start, John plants himself in southern California and begins to put down roots there. He becomes involved at a local church where he meets JENNI.
Jenni’s life is decidedly centered on Christ. In between college and her job at Just Juice, Jenni performs sign language with the Worship Team at church. She isn’t looking for romance when she meets John, but he captures her heart. Jenni hadn’t thought she’d fall in love with a man who had one marriage already under his belt, and she wrestles with their difference in life experience. But she and John are both flooded by the peace of God and are sure He has brought them together.
John is amazed by God’s grace and the blessing of a second chance at love. But even though his relationship with the Lord has been restored, sin always has its consequences. His days of hard living catch up with him when April appears on his doorstep, pregnant, and claims he is the father.
April had just lost yet another job when she discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was her only option. There was no way she could support a child when she couldn’t even support herself. But when she arrives at the clinic, she is struck by the images and words of a protestor’s sign. The reality of the new life in her womb overwhelms her and she refuses to go through with the procedure. With no medical insurance, severe morning sickness, and no support from friends on her decision to keep the baby, she decides to try and find John.
John knows that to follow Christ he cannot hide the truth of his past. He must surrender his pride, endure the gossip at church, and risk his relationship with Jenni. When he breaks the news to her, he isn’t surprised that she needs time alone to process everything.
While John focuses on getting medical care for April and the unborn baby, Jenni wrestles with her roiling emotions over the devastating news. She fights to hold onto her faith even under these unthinkable circumstances, and in one desperate moment is tempted by her own past of self-mutilation. Instead, she looks to Christ to hold her together. Though she doesn’t know how she will find the strength to do it, she knows the Lord is asking her to forgive and to show His love even to April.
April feels guilty that her arrival has upturned John’s life and damaged his relationship with his new fiancé. He has been more than kind in taking her to doctor appointments and giving her a place to stay. He is a different man than the tortured soul she met at the bar, always talking about the love of God. April had never spared a thought on God; she had done her best to rely only on herself. So when her medical evaluations uncover that she has leukemia, she decides it must be divine punishment. She feels it’s what she deserves, but agonizes over the risk to the baby. However, when Jenni extends the hand of friendship, April begins to realize she is not as alone as she thought.
Though Jenni’s pain still threatens to tear her apart, her heart softens toward April, who she begins to see through the eyes of God. Both Jenni and John continually share the message of God’s love and grace with April, and little by little she opens up to the possibility that He really does love her. In the face of her declining health, April gives her heart and her life to Christ and experiences more joy and peace than she’s ever known.
April’s uncontrolled fever necessitates an early C-section, and it is a bittersweet time for Jenni. When she sees John cradling baby DAVID, she feels both the familiar pang of insecurity as well as happiness for John at becoming a father again. David is small but healthy, and he squirms his way into Jenni’s heart despite the thorny situation.
Grave circumstances mar the celebration over this new life. April is dying. In the days before her death she has found salvation and joy and is ready to let go. She asks John to raise their son in the knowledge of God, and Jenni to be a mommy to him in her absence. After April passes away, Jenni reflects on God’s amazing sovereignty in working all things together for the good of those who love Him. She has a new son, the love of a man she adores, the knowledge that April is safely in the arms of God, and a much stronger faith in the Lord.
****
word count: 1,160
Critique requested: Is it too dry? Does it use phrases that don't work? Does the end satisfy? Enough/too much detal? Does it do its job (making the reader want to request the manuscript)?
Critique tolerance is high. Anything you have to say is appreciated!
Synopsis
JONATHAN DOUGLAS had a beautiful young wife, a job he loved, and a faith in God he thought couldn’t be shaken. When a desperate phone call from his mother sends him racing home from work, he arrives to find the air filled with smoke and ash, while neighbors and firemen surround his smoldering house. The news that his wife and infant daughter were killed in the fire ends life as he knows it.
Stripped of everything he loved, John rebels against the God who betrayed him. He ignores the Voice of the Lord tickling his soul and continues a downward spiral into depression. Haunted by vivid nightmares- images of his family in the flames- John turns to alcohol for escape. He eventually makes his way to the Las Vegas strip where he spends his time alternately giving himself over to his despair, and fighting off the pain with drink.
APRIL is a strong, independent woman. She watched her mother jump from one abusive relationship to another and is determined not to be as weak as she was. So when her own boyfriend turns violent- beating and raping her after a late night of drinking- April refuses to be a victim. She sneaks out during the night and speeds away from everything she knows. With nothing but a few bucks, she melts into the crowds of Vegas and fights to start over. After living out of her car and serving drinks to sweaty, boorish men, April lands an apartment and roommate but struggles to come up with the rent each month. Losing one job after another leaves her desperate to keep a roof over her head- so desperate that she is willing to do anything to keep off the streets.
John meanwhile, can no longer cope with his pain and decides to end his life. On what would have been his last night alive, he meets April in the hotel bar. April reminds him so much of his deceased wife that when she propositions him and names her price he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up the next morning to a shattered illusion and profound shame. John is finally broken before the Almighty. Falling to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor of a Vegas hotel room, he finds the Lord waiting with open arms.
In search of a new start, John plants himself in southern California and begins to put down roots there. He becomes involved at a local church where he meets JENNI.
Jenni’s life is decidedly centered on Christ. In between college and her job at Just Juice, Jenni performs sign language with the Worship Team at church. She isn’t looking for romance when she meets John, but he captures her heart. Jenni hadn’t thought she’d fall in love with a man who had one marriage already under his belt, and she wrestles with their difference in life experience. But she and John are both flooded by the peace of God and are sure He has brought them together.
John is amazed by God’s grace and the blessing of a second chance at love. But even though his relationship with the Lord has been restored, sin always has its consequences. His days of hard living catch up with him when April appears on his doorstep, pregnant, and claims he is the father.
April had just lost yet another job when she discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was her only option. There was no way she could support a child when she couldn’t even support herself. But when she arrives at the clinic, she is struck by the images and words of a protestor’s sign. The reality of the new life in her womb overwhelms her and she refuses to go through with the procedure. With no medical insurance, severe morning sickness, and no support from friends on her decision to keep the baby, she decides to try and find John.
John knows that to follow Christ he cannot hide the truth of his past. He must surrender his pride, endure the gossip at church, and risk his relationship with Jenni. When he breaks the news to her, he isn’t surprised that she needs time alone to process everything.
While John focuses on getting medical care for April and the unborn baby, Jenni wrestles with her roiling emotions over the devastating news. She fights to hold onto her faith even under these unthinkable circumstances, and in one desperate moment is tempted by her own past of self-mutilation. Instead, she looks to Christ to hold her together. Though she doesn’t know how she will find the strength to do it, she knows the Lord is asking her to forgive and to show His love even to April.
April feels guilty that her arrival has upturned John’s life and damaged his relationship with his new fiancé. He has been more than kind in taking her to doctor appointments and giving her a place to stay. He is a different man than the tortured soul she met at the bar, always talking about the love of God. April had never spared a thought on God; she had done her best to rely only on herself. So when her medical evaluations uncover that she has leukemia, she decides it must be divine punishment. She feels it’s what she deserves, but agonizes over the risk to the baby. However, when Jenni extends the hand of friendship, April begins to realize she is not as alone as she thought.
Though Jenni’s pain still threatens to tear her apart, her heart softens toward April, who she begins to see through the eyes of God. Both Jenni and John continually share the message of God’s love and grace with April, and little by little she opens up to the possibility that He really does love her. In the face of her declining health, April gives her heart and her life to Christ and experiences more joy and peace than she’s ever known.
April’s uncontrolled fever necessitates an early C-section, and it is a bittersweet time for Jenni. When she sees John cradling baby DAVID, she feels both the familiar pang of insecurity as well as happiness for John at becoming a father again. David is small but healthy, and he squirms his way into Jenni’s heart despite the thorny situation.
Grave circumstances mar the celebration over this new life. April is dying. In the days before her death she has found salvation and joy and is ready to let go. She asks John to raise their son in the knowledge of God, and Jenni to be a mommy to him in her absence. After April passes away, Jenni reflects on God’s amazing sovereignty in working all things together for the good of those who love Him. She has a new son, the love of a man she adores, the knowledge that April is safely in the arms of God, and a much stronger faith in the Lord.
****
Query- Seaweeds (version 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t talk and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. He names her Pearl and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her magic long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
A few sample pages:
I knew Ronnie was going to surprise me with a party. But I didn’t know there’d be beer. I’m old enough to drink, but I prefer not to. Alcohol doesn’t get along with my stomach. And I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, like fall off a boat.
Or on that particular evening, fall off a boat while having sex with a beautiful girl.
***
“All aboard!” Ronnie surveyed the ladies as they strolled up the ramp, giggling like Paris Hilton wannabes. He twisted the side of his mouth into a lopsided grin and winked at me. “I picked a fine bunch, didn’t I?”
I rolled my eyes and set the tray of dipping snacks I was carrying on top of a table. The April wind raged without remorse; it’d be smart to put the food inside so nothing would blow away, but Ronnie wanted food and drinks to be accessible everywhere on the 32-meter yacht. He even put water bottles next to the toilet in case someone, probably me, got sick.
Best friends since the sandbox days. Ronnie and I always got along, despite our differences. I was the introvert. He was the extrovert, loud and obnoxious, always trying to be the center of attention. I preferred the sideline.
I watched from a distance as the girls promenaded in heels high enough to make my 6-feet-tall self feel midgetified. There were four girls altogether. I knew three of them; the fourth was a mystery.
She tagged behind the others, carrying a basket of cookies. I tried not to ogle, but she was like a goddess. Her eyes were green and sharp. Lengthy eyelashes, decorated with thick coats of mascara. Jet black hair glided across her shoulders effortlessly, not a tangle or curl in sight. I raked my eyes up and down her body, taking in her runway model stature. She was naturally tan; her arms seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her green cotton dress was not blatant or revealing, but fit her figure so perfectly, it made her more desirable than the other girls who were scarcely dressed.
Maybe, if luck was on my side and I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, this girl would end up my birthday present.
In your dreams, my conscious said.
Click here to read the first revision.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t talk and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. He names her Pearl and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her magic long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
A few sample pages:
I knew Ronnie was going to surprise me with a party. But I didn’t know there’d be beer. I’m old enough to drink, but I prefer not to. Alcohol doesn’t get along with my stomach. And I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, like fall off a boat.
Or on that particular evening, fall off a boat while having sex with a beautiful girl.
***
“All aboard!” Ronnie surveyed the ladies as they strolled up the ramp, giggling like Paris Hilton wannabes. He twisted the side of his mouth into a lopsided grin and winked at me. “I picked a fine bunch, didn’t I?”
I rolled my eyes and set the tray of dipping snacks I was carrying on top of a table. The April wind raged without remorse; it’d be smart to put the food inside so nothing would blow away, but Ronnie wanted food and drinks to be accessible everywhere on the 32-meter yacht. He even put water bottles next to the toilet in case someone, probably me, got sick.
Best friends since the sandbox days. Ronnie and I always got along, despite our differences. I was the introvert. He was the extrovert, loud and obnoxious, always trying to be the center of attention. I preferred the sideline.
I watched from a distance as the girls promenaded in heels high enough to make my 6-feet-tall self feel midgetified. There were four girls altogether. I knew three of them; the fourth was a mystery.
She tagged behind the others, carrying a basket of cookies. I tried not to ogle, but she was like a goddess. Her eyes were green and sharp. Lengthy eyelashes, decorated with thick coats of mascara. Jet black hair glided across her shoulders effortlessly, not a tangle or curl in sight. I raked my eyes up and down her body, taking in her runway model stature. She was naturally tan; her arms seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her green cotton dress was not blatant or revealing, but fit her figure so perfectly, it made her more desirable than the other girls who were scarcely dressed.
Maybe, if luck was on my side and I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, this girl would end up my birthday present.
In your dreams, my conscious said.
Jul 9, 2010
Query - Dead Meat (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
I want to thank everyone who commented on the last version. Hopefully this one is a bit closer to the mark.
Dear Agent,
In my thriller Dead Meat, the only thing standing between America and a trumped-up war in a foreign land is a guy who drives a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham. But that’s just Gil Becker’s day job. See, he kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it, the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. They put Becker in the game to figure out who was really responsible for blowing up a Las Vegas casino, but the clues lead away from the Colombian revolutionaries who claimed credit, and closer to something more sinister in the old US of A.
So when five guys in body armor try to kill Becker while he’s singing off-key in the shower, he gets mad. He recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve pissed off the wrong guy, and now it’s personal.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
I want to thank everyone who commented on the last version. Hopefully this one is a bit closer to the mark.
Dear Agent,
In my thriller Dead Meat, the only thing standing between America and a trumped-up war in a foreign land is a guy who drives a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham. But that’s just Gil Becker’s day job. See, he kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it, the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. They put Becker in the game to figure out who was really responsible for blowing up a Las Vegas casino, but the clues lead away from the Colombian revolutionaries who claimed credit, and closer to something more sinister in the old US of A.
So when five guys in body armor try to kill Becker while he’s singing off-key in the shower, he gets mad. He recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve pissed off the wrong guy, and now it’s personal.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
Query- A Cover Story
This is just the meat of the query
Cleo Caswell never knew her father, but if he was of the same breed as her Las Vegas showgirl mother, one parent is plenty, thank you very much. Now, thanks to Mom and her mother's new lover, a not quite over-the-hill showgirl, Cleo has given up her shot at being a respected journalist for a job at a smarmy tabloid.
Not everything at the tabloid is repulsive however. Cleo certainly never expected anyone on the dark side would have her thinking wicked thoughts. But Alec is more than a pretty face (or even an enticing hardbody) as he proves when Cleo's mother is arrested for the murder of a Las Vegas casino owner. Cleo needs help to prove her mother's innocence, and if that means she has to pander to Alec's pursuit of a lurid story about murder, sex, and money, she'll do it. She won't like it but she might just learn that she doesn't have to win a Pulizer to be proud of what she does and that love can be found in the strangest places.
Thanks to all.
Cleo Caswell never knew her father, but if he was of the same breed as her Las Vegas showgirl mother, one parent is plenty, thank you very much. Now, thanks to Mom and her mother's new lover, a not quite over-the-hill showgirl, Cleo has given up her shot at being a respected journalist for a job at a smarmy tabloid.
Not everything at the tabloid is repulsive however. Cleo certainly never expected anyone on the dark side would have her thinking wicked thoughts. But Alec is more than a pretty face (or even an enticing hardbody) as he proves when Cleo's mother is arrested for the murder of a Las Vegas casino owner. Cleo needs help to prove her mother's innocence, and if that means she has to pander to Alec's pursuit of a lurid story about murder, sex, and money, she'll do it. She won't like it but she might just learn that she doesn't have to win a Pulizer to be proud of what she does and that love can be found in the strangest places.
Thanks to all.
Jul 7, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
Yes, she may have snuck out in the middle of the night and followed her neighbour out of town. She was expecting to find adventure, not to overhear the woman meeting up with a nobleman who may or may not have been in love with her great-grandmother. Nor was she expecting her insignificant family to be targeted. It may be to late for her father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. She’s a chosen hero of her land’s Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the most corrupt man in the nation. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the murderer has centuries of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
Yes, she may have snuck out in the middle of the night and followed her neighbour out of town. She was expecting to find adventure, not to overhear the woman meeting up with a nobleman who may or may not have been in love with her great-grandmother. Nor was she expecting her insignificant family to be targeted. It may be to late for her father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. She’s a chosen hero of her land’s Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the most corrupt man in the nation. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the murderer has centuries of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jul 6, 2010
Query- Seaweeds (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
Jul 5, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Silver Strand (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Jul 3, 2010
Query: The Silver Strand
Dear [Agent],
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Jul 2, 2010
QUERY- BEAUTY FOR ASHES (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Jul 1, 2010
Query Revision: Beauty for Ashes
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.
Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Dear [Agent],
After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.
Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Query- Kiromen
In the book, Kiromen, when spicy and sarcastic Chidrow Annabel Martins finds out that her supposedly long life love was dumping her to pursue his artistic dreams in the Empire State of Mind- New York, an utter series of depressions is straight on its way. Chidrow believes that nothing would ever be the same for her again. But everything changes when the mysterious Stephen Austin James runs into her life and changes the way she looks at the world.
The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.
From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.
Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.
My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.
From,
Me.
The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.
From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.
Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.
My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.
From,
Me.
Query- Liquid Smoke
Twenty-one-year-old Jenna Reece is the most supernaturally protected person on the planet. And she has no idea why.
When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.
After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.
Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.
When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.
My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.
Cordially,
Julie Huerta
When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.
After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.
Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.
When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.
My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.
Cordially,
Julie Huerta
Query- Back To Me (rewrite)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent]:
Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.
Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.
It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.
It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.
BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.
I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
[Name]
[Contact Info]
Dear [Agent]:
Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.
Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.
It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.
It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.
BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.
I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
[Name]
[Contact Info]
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