Click here to read the original query.
Dear (Agent’s Name),
Facets of Sorrow is a work of women’s fiction, which is complete at 95,000 words.
Seven months after Gemma Allen’s first date with Aaron Dullis, he takes her to a hotel to celebrate her nineteenth birthday. She falls asleep in his arms, oblivious to the hints he’s been trying to give her: It will be their last night together because when he leaves for his commitment to the Marines, he’s not taking a commitment to her with him. He does leave, and she is heartbroken.
Two years later, Gemma meets Kyle Johnson. She’s not sure what to make of the gorgeous lawyer. Who gives a woman an ant farm on the first date… or any date? He may be odd, but he introduces something new into her life, something she needs: joy.
After a few years of marriage to Kyle, his secretive behavior and mysterious business trips have Gemma convinced he’s not who she thought he was. Her confusion worsens when Aaron returns and says he needs her in his life. She’s not sure which man she should be with – the one who needs her or the one she needs.
When Gemma learns Kyle’s secret, her determination to protect it unfurls a chain of events that land her in a hospital bed, Aaron in handcuffs and Kyle in a legal and ethical dilemma as he tries to clean up the mess they’ve all made.
I have a B.A. in English from the University of Texas. My previous writing experience includes serving as a ghostwriter for Life Builders, a nationwide mentoring ministry.
Thank you for your time and for considering my novel.
Sincerely,
Genevieve Wilson
Mar 31, 2010
Mar 30, 2010
QUERY - MIRANDA'S FIRE
Dear Agent,
Miranda Dakin is a modern day Fire Mage three days shy of turning sixteen – the age at which Mages can compete in The Tournament and use magic without supervision. Her already extraordinary life is turned upside down when a horde of supposedly-extinct demons attack The Tournament, killing or kidnapping every adult Mage.
After receiving a message from her Psychic Mage mother, Miranda is charged with rescuing the surviving Mages from a place she was told doesn't exist. She sets off on a cross-country rescue mission with three others: a young man belonging to a race she also thought extinct, her Witch of a best friend, and a powerful young Water Mage she's known since birth.
An intimate betrayal, public demon attacks, and an unexpected affection complicate matters when all Miranda wants is her mother safely back at home. Miranda grapples with a seductive ancient knowledge while discovering most of what she has been taught about her world is a strategic lie.
MIRANDA'S FIRE is a 60,000 word YA urban fantasy novel. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Sarah N. Fisk
Miranda Dakin is a modern day Fire Mage three days shy of turning sixteen – the age at which Mages can compete in The Tournament and use magic without supervision. Her already extraordinary life is turned upside down when a horde of supposedly-extinct demons attack The Tournament, killing or kidnapping every adult Mage.
After receiving a message from her Psychic Mage mother, Miranda is charged with rescuing the surviving Mages from a place she was told doesn't exist. She sets off on a cross-country rescue mission with three others: a young man belonging to a race she also thought extinct, her Witch of a best friend, and a powerful young Water Mage she's known since birth.
An intimate betrayal, public demon attacks, and an unexpected affection complicate matters when all Miranda wants is her mother safely back at home. Miranda grapples with a seductive ancient knowledge while discovering most of what she has been taught about her world is a strategic lie.
MIRANDA'S FIRE is a 60,000 word YA urban fantasy novel. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Sarah N. Fisk
Query for YA fantasy: THE DESTINY STONE
Dear Agent,
Ploughing the fields was a part of daily life for seventeen-year-old Haythem. He dreams of adventure, but never expects to leave Turig until the day his mother appears – a mother he grew up believing dead. She pleads with him to leave at once, telling him he needs to find the courage to embrace his destiny and to assume his rightful place among her people the Elves. Haythem is curious to learn more and so he leaves, taking with him an old map and a stone she cautions him to protect.
With the help of Arygos, a mysterious young man, and Tarquin, an ancient creature of great wisdom, Haythem uncovers the truth about the stone and how the King’s desire to possess it is connected to unrest in the Empire. He also learns the stone gives him the power to wield magic. This newfound knowledge forces Haythem to come face to face with the true legacy of the stone. He is disturbed by what he discovers – the stone is an extension of his own magic and if he is to have mastery over it he must bind himself to its will in order to rid the Empire of the cruel King.
THE DESTINY STONE is a fast paced young adult fantasy and is complete at 115,000 words. It explores the joy of love, the pain of loss and the power of courage and sacrifice. I have a M.A. in anthropology and have experience teaching university level Sociology and Anthropology courses.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Aspiring Writer
Ploughing the fields was a part of daily life for seventeen-year-old Haythem. He dreams of adventure, but never expects to leave Turig until the day his mother appears – a mother he grew up believing dead. She pleads with him to leave at once, telling him he needs to find the courage to embrace his destiny and to assume his rightful place among her people the Elves. Haythem is curious to learn more and so he leaves, taking with him an old map and a stone she cautions him to protect.
With the help of Arygos, a mysterious young man, and Tarquin, an ancient creature of great wisdom, Haythem uncovers the truth about the stone and how the King’s desire to possess it is connected to unrest in the Empire. He also learns the stone gives him the power to wield magic. This newfound knowledge forces Haythem to come face to face with the true legacy of the stone. He is disturbed by what he discovers – the stone is an extension of his own magic and if he is to have mastery over it he must bind himself to its will in order to rid the Empire of the cruel King.
THE DESTINY STONE is a fast paced young adult fantasy and is complete at 115,000 words. It explores the joy of love, the pain of loss and the power of courage and sacrifice. I have a M.A. in anthropology and have experience teaching university level Sociology and Anthropology courses.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Aspiring Writer
QUERY - DIARY OF A HOT PINK PARTY GIRL
Click here to read the sample pages.
In only a few months, sixteen year-old Tawny Childers has gone from major slacker to straight A student, but convincing anyone that she’s shed the hard core, party girl reputation is going to take more than good grades.
Her mother’s commitment to give up drinking inspired Tawny to change her own life. While spending the summer in an anonymous support group, Tawny shares an unlikely friendship with star quarterback, Drew Strunkler.
But when junior year begins, neither can allow their very different paths to cross. Drew’s father, like Tawny’s mother is a recently recovered alcoholic, but he’s also a teacher at their school. Revealing Coach Strunkler’s secret is too big a risk for Tawny and Drew to attempt an in-school friendship, not to mention Drew’s cheer bitch girlfriend and Tawny share the common ground of complete hatred for one another.
Now Tawny’s alone, trying to find a new place among hundreds of students who see nothing but the easy girl any guy could nail. At least that’s what’s written on the walls of the boy’s locker room.
She’s thrilled when the editor of the school paper requests her anonymous blog be a part of the Warrior News. Hot Pink Party Girl becomes a huge hit among her classmates. Tawny knows she’s fooling them into seeing the ugliest side to her wild days- alcohol, drugs, and more than a few random hookups.
When Tawny’s feelings for Drew deepen, it doesn’t go unnoticed and only takes a little snooping for someone to discover the truth about Drew’s father and force Tawny into telling her story – the whole story. Hearing details about her past with the clarity of being sober is like reliving it and threatens to send her spiraling back to old habits.
The biggest challenge lies in convincing herself she truly isn’t that girl and maybe she is worthy of having a guy like Drew Strunkler love her back or anyone for that matter. DIARY OF A HOT PINK PARTY GIRL is a young adult novel complete at 80,000 words.
In only a few months, sixteen year-old Tawny Childers has gone from major slacker to straight A student, but convincing anyone that she’s shed the hard core, party girl reputation is going to take more than good grades.
Her mother’s commitment to give up drinking inspired Tawny to change her own life. While spending the summer in an anonymous support group, Tawny shares an unlikely friendship with star quarterback, Drew Strunkler.
But when junior year begins, neither can allow their very different paths to cross. Drew’s father, like Tawny’s mother is a recently recovered alcoholic, but he’s also a teacher at their school. Revealing Coach Strunkler’s secret is too big a risk for Tawny and Drew to attempt an in-school friendship, not to mention Drew’s cheer bitch girlfriend and Tawny share the common ground of complete hatred for one another.
Now Tawny’s alone, trying to find a new place among hundreds of students who see nothing but the easy girl any guy could nail. At least that’s what’s written on the walls of the boy’s locker room.
She’s thrilled when the editor of the school paper requests her anonymous blog be a part of the Warrior News. Hot Pink Party Girl becomes a huge hit among her classmates. Tawny knows she’s fooling them into seeing the ugliest side to her wild days- alcohol, drugs, and more than a few random hookups.
When Tawny’s feelings for Drew deepen, it doesn’t go unnoticed and only takes a little snooping for someone to discover the truth about Drew’s father and force Tawny into telling her story – the whole story. Hearing details about her past with the clarity of being sober is like reliving it and threatens to send her spiraling back to old habits.
The biggest challenge lies in convincing herself she truly isn’t that girl and maybe she is worthy of having a guy like Drew Strunkler love her back or anyone for that matter. DIARY OF A HOT PINK PARTY GIRL is a young adult novel complete at 80,000 words.
QUERY - MEND (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
He attacks. He springs upon his victims with hatred and blind fury, slashing their bodies and shredding the peace of The City Too Busy to Hate. He kills. With no evidence left behind, four Atlanta families have fallen in his wake, and he is not finished.
Fifteen years have passed since the day Jacob Santos opened his eyes and found his mother brutally murdered. For years he has been tormented by an unattainable desire for revenge. Unattainable, until now. Following a murder in a downtown Atlanta neighborhood, a murder that mirrors his mother’s, Jacob receives a message:
“Got another for you.”
It is an invitation from the man Jacob has spent his entire adult life envisioning killing; a provocation to come out and play a deadly game of cat and mouse. And Jacob does just that. The only help the self-proclaimed investigator receives comes from an unorthodox source; the ghost of a childhood friend that haunts both him and the killer alike. Hidden behind the specter’s cryptic messages lays the true link between the hunter and the hunted, and the only means to decipher which is which.
However, unveiling the secret might come at too high a price for the lone investigator’s fragile mind, since the killer he so desperately seeks has never been further than a mere glimpse in the mirror. Now Jacob must find a way to mend is fractured psyche, before the police catch up to him, before another family is slaughtered, before his mind and his soul are lost forever. He cannot fail. Doing so will turn him from the best hope to stop the killings, and into the catalyst of an unprecedented murderous rampage.
He attacks. He springs upon his victims with hatred and blind fury, slashing their bodies and shredding the peace of The City Too Busy to Hate. He kills. With no evidence left behind, four Atlanta families have fallen in his wake, and he is not finished.
Fifteen years have passed since the day Jacob Santos opened his eyes and found his mother brutally murdered. For years he has been tormented by an unattainable desire for revenge. Unattainable, until now. Following a murder in a downtown Atlanta neighborhood, a murder that mirrors his mother’s, Jacob receives a message:
“Got another for you.”
It is an invitation from the man Jacob has spent his entire adult life envisioning killing; a provocation to come out and play a deadly game of cat and mouse. And Jacob does just that. The only help the self-proclaimed investigator receives comes from an unorthodox source; the ghost of a childhood friend that haunts both him and the killer alike. Hidden behind the specter’s cryptic messages lays the true link between the hunter and the hunted, and the only means to decipher which is which.
However, unveiling the secret might come at too high a price for the lone investigator’s fragile mind, since the killer he so desperately seeks has never been further than a mere glimpse in the mirror. Now Jacob must find a way to mend is fractured psyche, before the police catch up to him, before another family is slaughtered, before his mind and his soul are lost forever. He cannot fail. Doing so will turn him from the best hope to stop the killings, and into the catalyst of an unprecedented murderous rampage.
Query- THE DESTINY STONE
Dear Agent,
Ploughing the fields was a part of daily life for seventeen-year-old Haythem. He dreams of adventure, but never expects to leave Turig until the day his mother appears – a mother he grew up believing dead. She pleads with him to leave at once, telling him he needs to find the courage to embrace his destiny and to assume his rightful place among her people the Elves. Haythem is curious to learn more and so he leaves, taking with him an old map and a stone she cautions him to protect.
With the help of Arygos, a mysterious young man, and Tarquin, an ancient creature of great wisdom, Haythem uncovers the truth about the stone and how the King's desire to possess it, is connected to unrest in the Empire. He also learns the stone gives him the power to wield magic. This newfound knowledge forces Haythem to come face to face with the true legacy of the stone. He is disturbed by what he discovers – the stone is an extension of his own magic and if he is to have mastery over it he must bind himself to its will in order to rid the Empire of the cruel King and fulfill his destiny.
THE DESTINY STONE is a fast-paced young adult fantasy and is complete at 115,000 words. It explores the joy of love, the pain of loss and the power of courage and sacrifice. I have a M.A. in anthropology and have experience teaching university level Sociology and Anthropology courses.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Aspiring Writer
Don't miss a beat Get Messenger on your phone
Ploughing the fields was a part of daily life for seventeen-year-old Haythem. He dreams of adventure, but never expects to leave Turig until the day his mother appears – a mother he grew up believing dead. She pleads with him to leave at once, telling him he needs to find the courage to embrace his destiny and to assume his rightful place among her people the Elves. Haythem is curious to learn more and so he leaves, taking with him an old map and a stone she cautions him to protect.
With the help of Arygos, a mysterious young man, and Tarquin, an ancient creature of great wisdom, Haythem uncovers the truth about the stone and how the King's desire to possess it, is connected to unrest in the Empire. He also learns the stone gives him the power to wield magic. This newfound knowledge forces Haythem to come face to face with the true legacy of the stone. He is disturbed by what he discovers – the stone is an extension of his own magic and if he is to have mastery over it he must bind himself to its will in order to rid the Empire of the cruel King and fulfill his destiny.
THE DESTINY STONE is a fast-paced young adult fantasy and is complete at 115,000 words. It explores the joy of love, the pain of loss and the power of courage and sacrifice. I have a M.A. in anthropology and have experience teaching university level Sociology and Anthropology courses.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Aspiring Writer
Don't miss a beat Get Messenger on your phone
Mar 29, 2010
QUERY - MOURN THEIR COURAGE
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Liu Jie fears losing family members more than anything, so he raises an army when his nephew, the Ron Emperor, requires protection from Yellow Turban rebels. With the help of Aiyu, an orphaned boy Jie saved, the rebels are destroyed. However, Jie does not believe they were the Emperor’s true threat. He suspects the Imperial Chancellor intends to usurp the throne. Rather than waging war and risking the lives of thousands, Jie attacks the Chancellor during a chance meeting. The attack fails and Jie, his family and Aiyu flee, continuing their struggle to survive amidst drought and warfare. Bitter loss continues to overshadow Jie until he must choose between the safety of his family or his Empire’s survival.
MOURN THEIR COURAGE is a 94,000-word fantasy based on Chinese folktales collectively called “The Romance of the Three Kingdoms.” Though adapted for film, comics and video game serialization, there are no modern English novelizations of this treasure. MOURN THEIR COURAGE may interest fans of Eric Flint, Cindy Pon and Guy Gavriel Kay and is similar in setting to Kay’s “Under Heaven,” due April 27th.
I have published fiction in several online publications and am a member of the Wuxia Society and The China History Forum Online, where I contribute book reviews. I am also an active book reviewer on two blogs.
Saving an orphan launches Jie on an epic journey where ghosts are guides and heroes are traitors. I invite you to experience MOURN THEIR COURAGE. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I look forward to your suggestions.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Liu Jie fears losing family members more than anything, so he raises an army when his nephew, the Ron Emperor, requires protection from Yellow Turban rebels. With the help of Aiyu, an orphaned boy Jie saved, the rebels are destroyed. However, Jie does not believe they were the Emperor’s true threat. He suspects the Imperial Chancellor intends to usurp the throne. Rather than waging war and risking the lives of thousands, Jie attacks the Chancellor during a chance meeting. The attack fails and Jie, his family and Aiyu flee, continuing their struggle to survive amidst drought and warfare. Bitter loss continues to overshadow Jie until he must choose between the safety of his family or his Empire’s survival.
MOURN THEIR COURAGE is a 94,000-word fantasy based on Chinese folktales collectively called “The Romance of the Three Kingdoms.” Though adapted for film, comics and video game serialization, there are no modern English novelizations of this treasure. MOURN THEIR COURAGE may interest fans of Eric Flint, Cindy Pon and Guy Gavriel Kay and is similar in setting to Kay’s “Under Heaven,” due April 27th.
I have published fiction in several online publications and am a member of the Wuxia Society and The China History Forum Online, where I contribute book reviews. I am also an active book reviewer on two blogs.
Saving an orphan launches Jie on an epic journey where ghosts are guides and heroes are traitors. I invite you to experience MOURN THEIR COURAGE. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I look forward to your suggestions.
Mar 26, 2010
Query- Snare
College freshman Chloe Shepherd’s knows that guys like Dylan Hughes don’t fall for girls like her. So, when he seems equally smitten, Chloe is ecstatic – and totally unprepared for the girl in the corridor. She grills Chloe about her date with Dylan, finishing with a terse, “Don’t like him too much. The last girl who did ended up dead.”
The words ring in Chloe’s head. Are they a warning or a sinister promise? She can’t ask Dylan; he doesn’t speak to her now. He won’t even look at her as they sit next to each other in class. Yet months later Dylan confesses that he’s missed her, and Chloe dives headlong into his words despite his admission that the dead girlfriend is the least of it. She’s been waiting for this, and if that explosive first kiss is anything to go by, so has he.
But, Dylan warns her – he’s still not a good bet. That hasn’t changed. He and his family are part of the great Rayhm clan of witches; the symbol of the clan burned into his skin is testament to how very powerful he is. Yet, to Chloe, they are just two ordinary people falling extraordinarily in love.
Who knows how long it might have stayed that way if she hadn’t eavesdropped on him in the library? Now she realizes what he’s been keeping from her. For every secret he’s revealed, there’s a deeper one. Because of her, Dylan will be forced to defend his birthright. Chloe is the only person in the world who can give him the one thing he’s never wanted – the power to rule the Rayhm.
Snare is a YA/New Adult paranormal romance, complete at 94,000 words.
Personal info below.
Thank you for your consideration.
Brenda St John Brown
The words ring in Chloe’s head. Are they a warning or a sinister promise? She can’t ask Dylan; he doesn’t speak to her now. He won’t even look at her as they sit next to each other in class. Yet months later Dylan confesses that he’s missed her, and Chloe dives headlong into his words despite his admission that the dead girlfriend is the least of it. She’s been waiting for this, and if that explosive first kiss is anything to go by, so has he.
But, Dylan warns her – he’s still not a good bet. That hasn’t changed. He and his family are part of the great Rayhm clan of witches; the symbol of the clan burned into his skin is testament to how very powerful he is. Yet, to Chloe, they are just two ordinary people falling extraordinarily in love.
Who knows how long it might have stayed that way if she hadn’t eavesdropped on him in the library? Now she realizes what he’s been keeping from her. For every secret he’s revealed, there’s a deeper one. Because of her, Dylan will be forced to defend his birthright. Chloe is the only person in the world who can give him the one thing he’s never wanted – the power to rule the Rayhm.
Snare is a YA/New Adult paranormal romance, complete at 94,000 words.
Personal info below.
Thank you for your consideration.
Brenda St John Brown
QUERY- IRON THIRST - Urban Fantasy
Click here to read the last query.
*trying something new here. Want to see if less is more - or just more confusing.*
Dear Most Awesome Agent Ever,
The why I picked you paragraph.
Looking for an escape from the norm, Felicity Johnson dresses for trouble, and finds it when she attends DragonCon – the convention that celebrates everything sci-fi and fantasy. Felicity meets a love interest, discovers the dead body of a friend, and stumbles over a real vampire, who develops a thirst for the iron running through her veins. The trip that started as a search for adventure leads her down a path that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover, one that can't be undone without a stake to the heart.
Iron Thirst is an 88,000 word urban fantasy. I am a member of the Atlanta Writers Club and Sisters in Crime.
Sincerely,
Would be nicest client ever.
*trying something new here. Want to see if less is more - or just more confusing.*
Dear Most Awesome Agent Ever,
The why I picked you paragraph.
Looking for an escape from the norm, Felicity Johnson dresses for trouble, and finds it when she attends DragonCon – the convention that celebrates everything sci-fi and fantasy. Felicity meets a love interest, discovers the dead body of a friend, and stumbles over a real vampire, who develops a thirst for the iron running through her veins. The trip that started as a search for adventure leads her down a path that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover, one that can't be undone without a stake to the heart.
Iron Thirst is an 88,000 word urban fantasy. I am a member of the Atlanta Writers Club and Sisters in Crime.
Sincerely,
Would be nicest client ever.
sample pages -DIARY OF A HOT PINK PARTY GIRL
I should have known Drew Strunkler, Skunkler, would morph into a big, giant douche bag the second school started. Like I was just some fly he could flick right off his shoulder. I mean, seriously, the guy wasn’t even capable of intelligent thought.
As if to prove my point, he was trying to kick a football over the roof of the school building with his other brainless jock friends.
I tugged at the collar of my shirt, feeling the heat creep all the way up to my face. Ugh! Did my eyes actually light up when I saw him? It didn’t matter because Drew Strunkler was too busy winning a bet. I wonder which pinhead will have to moon poor Mrs. Elkin, the librarian.
“The book lady’s gonna get another piece of ass today, huh?”
Alex Stoner slid into the bench beside me and I turned to him and laughed. “You would think she’d wear a blindfold by now, with all the butt cracks she’s had flashed in front of her.”
We watched Drew back up, his face tight with concentration. The broad and brawny William Peckman (aka – Pecker), with his tiny head and giant body held the football upright in the grass by his fingertips. A guy that huge had to be covering some other insecurity, like a small penis.
With a graceful swing of his leg, Drew’s foot made perfect contact with the ball and it sailed over the roof.
“Damn,” Pecker muttered.
Drew punched him in the arm, laughing like the stupid-ass idiot he was. “Somebody’s dropping his pants today.”
And just like that, his eyes turned in my direction and paused.
“Tawny,” Alex whispered. “Did Strunkler just look at you?”
I shrugged, but my heart was pounding. “Yeah, for about a quarter of a second.”
Alex flipped back the mop of dark, curly hair falling in his eyes. “Looked like he was checking you out.”
“Like I care. Let’s go inside, its five minutes till homeroom.” I was nearly twenty feet away before I realized Alex wasn’t following. He stood in the middle of the grass gaping at me like an imbecile. “What?”
He shook his head and grinned. “Sorry, I’m still not used to the good Tawny. The one who actually cares about being on time.”
“I’ve been here all summer. Caring about school has become an annoying habit.” I reached for the door, but another hand beat me to it. Both Alex and I jumped back as Drew Strunkler flung the door open. His gaze went straight over my head and then he turned quickly and raced into the school building before us.
“So rude,” Alex said.
I sucked in a breath wishing I was less observant. The way his eyes conveniently traveled over my head when we should have been face-to-face. It was intentional. He planned to ignore me on the first day of school.
I groaned. It sucks to care.
Alex and I headed to my locker when Mr. Feldman the vice principal jumped in front of us, blocking my way. “Miss Childers, I see an entire summer hasn’t knocked some sense into you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I responded.
Alex snorted back laughter and I jabbed my elbow into his side.
Mr. Feldman shoved his glasses further up his nose and returned to crossing his arms. “I’m referring to your blatant disregard for school dress code.”
He picked up a lock of my blonde hair, the chunk with the pink streak and tugged on it. I jerked away from his touch. “Actually, I decided to make it permanent over the summer.”
“Detention, today after school,” he growled.
“I’d die before I missed spending an afternoon with you.” We ran around him and blended in with the mob of students, all dressed in navy and khaki, flooding the halls.
***
By the time I collapsed into my seat for study hall it was apparent that junior year was going to be a much bigger pill to swallow than last year. And to top it off, Drew Strunkler and Pecker sat right behind me.
Damn!
I pulled out a magazine and lifted my black boots onto the table, relieved to have forty minutes of peace before yet another mind-numbing class.
“Hey Strunk, listen to this,” Pecker said to Drew from behind me.
I glanced under my arm and saw his cell phone lay on his lap.
“Hey everyone and happy first day of school,” Pecker read aloud. “Hot Pink Party girl has had one busy summer. Do you realize how many guys are willing to get to second base while completely loaded? Yeah, pretty much all of them. Okay, so one turned me down and I had to listen to him yap and quote biblical scripture for twenty tortuous minutes. If that doesn’t put out your fire, I don’t know what does. My summer total was over fifty guys and let me tell you I’ve seen more little firemen (some smaller than others) in three months than I thought possible-”
“Quiet Mr. Peckman! This is study hall!” the teacher shouted from the front of the large lecture hall.
“Dude, this chick sounds so hot. I’d love to nail her,” Pecker whispered to Drew.
They both chuckled and I turned a little, lowering my copy of National Geographic just enough to lift one eyebrow in Drew’s direction.
A silent warning.
His smile faded and he dropped his gaze to the Algebra book in front of him. I stifled a laugh. That’s right, be afraid, be very afraid ‘cause I know all your secrets Drew Strunkler. All your virgin secrets.
***
“You do realize I won’t budge on school dress code,” Mr. Feldman said to me as I walked into detention.
“She knows,” Alex said.
I grinned at him. “How did you end up in here?”
“What are friends for? Couldn’t leave you all by yourself.”
In other words, he wasn’t going to tell me in front of Mr. Feldman. We moved to the back of the room and scooted our desks closer together.
“Okay, so I was in the locker room changing after gym class.” Alex made a face. Hand eye coordination was not something he’d been blessed with so gym was torture for a kid like him. “Anyway, Strunkler and what’s that dude’s name? The one that hikes the ball to the thrower guy?”
I laughed. Alex had only been at West Montgomery High for a year and didn’t know everyone’s name like I did. Nor did he have any knowledge of football. “You’re talking about the center and his name is Patrick Johnson.”
“Right, Strunkler and Johnson were tossing towels over the lockers and they still hadn’t changed yet out of their gym clothes. Johnson was being an ass, shoving all the freshman midgets out of his way and so I just snatched his clothes off the bench when he wasn’t looking and tossed them in an open locker.”
“You didn’t!”
He nodded proudly. “It was an unassigned locker and since we’ve got those built in locks, he had to go out of the changing room in a towel to Coach Strunkler’s office to have him look up the combination.”
I busted out laughing and Mr. Feldman glared in our direction. “Alex, you are far braver than I ever gave you credit for.”
He beamed. “It was a shining moment.”
“Yeah, just like winning an Olympic medal.” I lowered my voice. “So you have Coach Strunkler for P.E.?”
“Yeah, why?”
“So Drew’s in his dad’s class?”
“Hey, if it isn’t the legend, Tawny Childers.”
I spun in my chair to face the wild haired boy. “Lenny, I thought you were dropping out.”
“My parents say they’ll keep making my car payments if I pass most of my classes.”
“Cool,” I said.
“You missed an awesome party last night,” Lenny said.
“Why don’t you fill me in,” I said.
His face broke into vacant, “I’m drunk off my ass,” stupid grin that hadn’t changed in two years. Mostly because Lenny hadn’t changed. “Well, my brother pulled through and got us a keg. Razor’s band played and they were so on fire. This chick they’ve got singing for them is like . . . mega hot.”
I listened intently for at least ten minutes, absorbing every detail of that party. The old Tawny’s life. The one I still struggled to shed.
“It was a damn good party,” Alex said. “A lot of people asked about you.”
Lenny leaned his head closer to me and Alex. “I’ve got a massive bottle of Jack Daniels in the back of my car. You guys want to drive out to the lake after this school shit is over?”
Alex looked at me and shrugged, but I shook my head. “I’ve got a meeting.”
“Bummer. Sucks to be you, all academic and committed. How do you survive?” Lenny asked.
I rolled my eyes. “People survive one school day without getting loaded. I’m not a freakin’ saint or anything.”
Lenny put a hand over his heart. “You’re my hero, Tawny.”
Feldman was glaring again so Lenny turned back to the open text book on his desk. He raised it up a little and slipped a copy of Hustler inside. So predictable.
Alex nudged me in the shoulder. “You’re still doing that group thing?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
“All summer, while I was gone?”
“Yes.” I blew the hair off my face, trying to give off the leave-me-alone-vibe.
“Don’t they have bring a friend day or something?”
“Why would they have that? And why are you so curious all of a sudden?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s like this big part of your life and you could be at a strip club for all I know.”
“Why would I be at a strip club?”
“Quit answering my questions with a question. At least tell me where it is.”
This was a joke to him. It was last year and it still is. “You know I can’t do that.”
“What if I needed to join? Is anybody I know in your group?”
I turned my eyes away from him and pulled out one of the many thick textbooks taking up space in my bag. “You don’t need to go. And there’s no one you know.”
“Whatever,” he said.
He was pissed. But even if I wanted to tell him, I couldn’t.
As if to prove my point, he was trying to kick a football over the roof of the school building with his other brainless jock friends.
I tugged at the collar of my shirt, feeling the heat creep all the way up to my face. Ugh! Did my eyes actually light up when I saw him? It didn’t matter because Drew Strunkler was too busy winning a bet. I wonder which pinhead will have to moon poor Mrs. Elkin, the librarian.
“The book lady’s gonna get another piece of ass today, huh?”
Alex Stoner slid into the bench beside me and I turned to him and laughed. “You would think she’d wear a blindfold by now, with all the butt cracks she’s had flashed in front of her.”
We watched Drew back up, his face tight with concentration. The broad and brawny William Peckman (aka – Pecker), with his tiny head and giant body held the football upright in the grass by his fingertips. A guy that huge had to be covering some other insecurity, like a small penis.
With a graceful swing of his leg, Drew’s foot made perfect contact with the ball and it sailed over the roof.
“Damn,” Pecker muttered.
Drew punched him in the arm, laughing like the stupid-ass idiot he was. “Somebody’s dropping his pants today.”
And just like that, his eyes turned in my direction and paused.
“Tawny,” Alex whispered. “Did Strunkler just look at you?”
I shrugged, but my heart was pounding. “Yeah, for about a quarter of a second.”
Alex flipped back the mop of dark, curly hair falling in his eyes. “Looked like he was checking you out.”
“Like I care. Let’s go inside, its five minutes till homeroom.” I was nearly twenty feet away before I realized Alex wasn’t following. He stood in the middle of the grass gaping at me like an imbecile. “What?”
He shook his head and grinned. “Sorry, I’m still not used to the good Tawny. The one who actually cares about being on time.”
“I’ve been here all summer. Caring about school has become an annoying habit.” I reached for the door, but another hand beat me to it. Both Alex and I jumped back as Drew Strunkler flung the door open. His gaze went straight over my head and then he turned quickly and raced into the school building before us.
“So rude,” Alex said.
I sucked in a breath wishing I was less observant. The way his eyes conveniently traveled over my head when we should have been face-to-face. It was intentional. He planned to ignore me on the first day of school.
I groaned. It sucks to care.
Alex and I headed to my locker when Mr. Feldman the vice principal jumped in front of us, blocking my way. “Miss Childers, I see an entire summer hasn’t knocked some sense into you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I responded.
Alex snorted back laughter and I jabbed my elbow into his side.
Mr. Feldman shoved his glasses further up his nose and returned to crossing his arms. “I’m referring to your blatant disregard for school dress code.”
He picked up a lock of my blonde hair, the chunk with the pink streak and tugged on it. I jerked away from his touch. “Actually, I decided to make it permanent over the summer.”
“Detention, today after school,” he growled.
“I’d die before I missed spending an afternoon with you.” We ran around him and blended in with the mob of students, all dressed in navy and khaki, flooding the halls.
***
By the time I collapsed into my seat for study hall it was apparent that junior year was going to be a much bigger pill to swallow than last year. And to top it off, Drew Strunkler and Pecker sat right behind me.
Damn!
I pulled out a magazine and lifted my black boots onto the table, relieved to have forty minutes of peace before yet another mind-numbing class.
“Hey Strunk, listen to this,” Pecker said to Drew from behind me.
I glanced under my arm and saw his cell phone lay on his lap.
“Hey everyone and happy first day of school,” Pecker read aloud. “Hot Pink Party girl has had one busy summer. Do you realize how many guys are willing to get to second base while completely loaded? Yeah, pretty much all of them. Okay, so one turned me down and I had to listen to him yap and quote biblical scripture for twenty tortuous minutes. If that doesn’t put out your fire, I don’t know what does. My summer total was over fifty guys and let me tell you I’ve seen more little firemen (some smaller than others) in three months than I thought possible-”
“Quiet Mr. Peckman! This is study hall!” the teacher shouted from the front of the large lecture hall.
“Dude, this chick sounds so hot. I’d love to nail her,” Pecker whispered to Drew.
They both chuckled and I turned a little, lowering my copy of National Geographic just enough to lift one eyebrow in Drew’s direction.
A silent warning.
His smile faded and he dropped his gaze to the Algebra book in front of him. I stifled a laugh. That’s right, be afraid, be very afraid ‘cause I know all your secrets Drew Strunkler. All your virgin secrets.
***
“You do realize I won’t budge on school dress code,” Mr. Feldman said to me as I walked into detention.
“She knows,” Alex said.
I grinned at him. “How did you end up in here?”
“What are friends for? Couldn’t leave you all by yourself.”
In other words, he wasn’t going to tell me in front of Mr. Feldman. We moved to the back of the room and scooted our desks closer together.
“Okay, so I was in the locker room changing after gym class.” Alex made a face. Hand eye coordination was not something he’d been blessed with so gym was torture for a kid like him. “Anyway, Strunkler and what’s that dude’s name? The one that hikes the ball to the thrower guy?”
I laughed. Alex had only been at West Montgomery High for a year and didn’t know everyone’s name like I did. Nor did he have any knowledge of football. “You’re talking about the center and his name is Patrick Johnson.”
“Right, Strunkler and Johnson were tossing towels over the lockers and they still hadn’t changed yet out of their gym clothes. Johnson was being an ass, shoving all the freshman midgets out of his way and so I just snatched his clothes off the bench when he wasn’t looking and tossed them in an open locker.”
“You didn’t!”
He nodded proudly. “It was an unassigned locker and since we’ve got those built in locks, he had to go out of the changing room in a towel to Coach Strunkler’s office to have him look up the combination.”
I busted out laughing and Mr. Feldman glared in our direction. “Alex, you are far braver than I ever gave you credit for.”
He beamed. “It was a shining moment.”
“Yeah, just like winning an Olympic medal.” I lowered my voice. “So you have Coach Strunkler for P.E.?”
“Yeah, why?”
“So Drew’s in his dad’s class?”
“Hey, if it isn’t the legend, Tawny Childers.”
I spun in my chair to face the wild haired boy. “Lenny, I thought you were dropping out.”
“My parents say they’ll keep making my car payments if I pass most of my classes.”
“Cool,” I said.
“You missed an awesome party last night,” Lenny said.
“Why don’t you fill me in,” I said.
His face broke into vacant, “I’m drunk off my ass,” stupid grin that hadn’t changed in two years. Mostly because Lenny hadn’t changed. “Well, my brother pulled through and got us a keg. Razor’s band played and they were so on fire. This chick they’ve got singing for them is like . . . mega hot.”
I listened intently for at least ten minutes, absorbing every detail of that party. The old Tawny’s life. The one I still struggled to shed.
“It was a damn good party,” Alex said. “A lot of people asked about you.”
Lenny leaned his head closer to me and Alex. “I’ve got a massive bottle of Jack Daniels in the back of my car. You guys want to drive out to the lake after this school shit is over?”
Alex looked at me and shrugged, but I shook my head. “I’ve got a meeting.”
“Bummer. Sucks to be you, all academic and committed. How do you survive?” Lenny asked.
I rolled my eyes. “People survive one school day without getting loaded. I’m not a freakin’ saint or anything.”
Lenny put a hand over his heart. “You’re my hero, Tawny.”
Feldman was glaring again so Lenny turned back to the open text book on his desk. He raised it up a little and slipped a copy of Hustler inside. So predictable.
Alex nudged me in the shoulder. “You’re still doing that group thing?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
“All summer, while I was gone?”
“Yes.” I blew the hair off my face, trying to give off the leave-me-alone-vibe.
“Don’t they have bring a friend day or something?”
“Why would they have that? And why are you so curious all of a sudden?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s like this big part of your life and you could be at a strip club for all I know.”
“Why would I be at a strip club?”
“Quit answering my questions with a question. At least tell me where it is.”
This was a joke to him. It was last year and it still is. “You know I can’t do that.”
“What if I needed to join? Is anybody I know in your group?”
I turned my eyes away from him and pulled out one of the many thick textbooks taking up space in my bag. “You don’t need to go. And there’s no one you know.”
“Whatever,” he said.
He was pissed. But even if I wanted to tell him, I couldn’t.
Mar 24, 2010
Query- Launch On Need
Dear (Agent),
For more than two decades, NASA launch-imaging expert Ken Brown complained to upper management that debris would eventually bring down a shuttle. They didn’t listen. Brown could only watch as wayward pieces of foam and falling daggers of ice, threatened to wreck his birds.
Then on January 17th, 2003, Brown’s worst fear is realized while reviewing the previous day’s launch film: a small-suitcase-sized debris chunk smashed into Columbia’s wing during her ride to orbit.
Brown knows that if Columbia’s heat shield has been damaged, that in fourteen days the seven person international crew will perish in the inferno of reentry.
Although Brown contacts the necessary NASA officials about his findings, he is skeptical that sufficient action will be taken by management in time to save the crew. He decides to leak his findings to his friend John Stangley, a former CNN senior science correspondent.
NASA suddenly finds itself forced to respond to the international media’s demand for answers. Satellite imaging of Columbia is ordered, but the photos prove inconclusive. NASA then calls on two Columbia astronauts to perform an emergency wing inspection spacewalk, that reveals catastrophic wing damage.
NASA is challenged to solve the highest profile problem they’ve ever faced. The whole world watches and waits while NASA figures out how and if, it can safely bring the crew home.
The Columbia Accident Investigation Board was formed only hours after Columbia’s break-up February 1st, 2003. NASA engineers were asked by the Board if anything could have been done to save the crew. The Board’s final report published late 2003, contained a 22 page document created by NASA engineers, that outlined in detail how the crew might have been rescued.
Launch On Need, complete at 98,000 words, is a fictionalization of NASA’s rescue plan.
Thank you for your time considering my project for representation.
Sincerely,
Daniel Guiteras
(Address)
(Phone)
For more than two decades, NASA launch-imaging expert Ken Brown complained to upper management that debris would eventually bring down a shuttle. They didn’t listen. Brown could only watch as wayward pieces of foam and falling daggers of ice, threatened to wreck his birds.
Then on January 17th, 2003, Brown’s worst fear is realized while reviewing the previous day’s launch film: a small-suitcase-sized debris chunk smashed into Columbia’s wing during her ride to orbit.
Brown knows that if Columbia’s heat shield has been damaged, that in fourteen days the seven person international crew will perish in the inferno of reentry.
Although Brown contacts the necessary NASA officials about his findings, he is skeptical that sufficient action will be taken by management in time to save the crew. He decides to leak his findings to his friend John Stangley, a former CNN senior science correspondent.
NASA suddenly finds itself forced to respond to the international media’s demand for answers. Satellite imaging of Columbia is ordered, but the photos prove inconclusive. NASA then calls on two Columbia astronauts to perform an emergency wing inspection spacewalk, that reveals catastrophic wing damage.
NASA is challenged to solve the highest profile problem they’ve ever faced. The whole world watches and waits while NASA figures out how and if, it can safely bring the crew home.
The Columbia Accident Investigation Board was formed only hours after Columbia’s break-up February 1st, 2003. NASA engineers were asked by the Board if anything could have been done to save the crew. The Board’s final report published late 2003, contained a 22 page document created by NASA engineers, that outlined in detail how the crew might have been rescued.
Launch On Need, complete at 98,000 words, is a fictionalization of NASA’s rescue plan.
Thank you for your time considering my project for representation.
Sincerely,
Daniel Guiteras
(Address)
(Phone)
Query- Facets of Sorrow
Dear (Agent’s Name),
Thank you for allowing me to introduce my novel to you. Facets of Sorrow is a work of women’s fiction, which is complete at 95,000 words.
Gemma Allen knows sorrow – she knows him well. He overwhelmed her with his confidence, seduced her with his charm and injured her with his strength. His name is Aaron Dullis, and if she would just stop needing him maybe he could stop loving her. She refuses to give him that satisfaction.
When Gemma meets Kyle Johnson, she thinks he’s the one person who can bring her joy, and he does. The problem with loving two men, however, is that she’s not sure how to balance her need for each of them with her desire for them both. It seems an impossible choice – maybe it is, but she knows she must choose.
Gemma and Kyle marry, but after a few years of marriage his secretive behavior and mysterious business trips have Gemma convinced he’s not who she thought he was. She’s right. He has a past of his own, full of his own sorrow and regret. When Gemma is forced to protect Kyle’s secret, she makes decisions that land her in a hospital bed, Aaron in handcuffs and Kyle in a legal and ethical dilemma as he tries to clean up the mess they’ve all made.
I have a B.A. in English from the University of Texas. My previous writing experience includes serving as a ghostwriter for Life Builders, a nationwide mentoring ministry.
Thank you so much for your time and for considering my novel.
Sincerely,
Genevieve Wilson
Thank you for allowing me to introduce my novel to you. Facets of Sorrow is a work of women’s fiction, which is complete at 95,000 words.
Gemma Allen knows sorrow – she knows him well. He overwhelmed her with his confidence, seduced her with his charm and injured her with his strength. His name is Aaron Dullis, and if she would just stop needing him maybe he could stop loving her. She refuses to give him that satisfaction.
When Gemma meets Kyle Johnson, she thinks he’s the one person who can bring her joy, and he does. The problem with loving two men, however, is that she’s not sure how to balance her need for each of them with her desire for them both. It seems an impossible choice – maybe it is, but she knows she must choose.
Gemma and Kyle marry, but after a few years of marriage his secretive behavior and mysterious business trips have Gemma convinced he’s not who she thought he was. She’s right. He has a past of his own, full of his own sorrow and regret. When Gemma is forced to protect Kyle’s secret, she makes decisions that land her in a hospital bed, Aaron in handcuffs and Kyle in a legal and ethical dilemma as he tries to clean up the mess they’ve all made.
I have a B.A. in English from the University of Texas. My previous writing experience includes serving as a ghostwriter for Life Builders, a nationwide mentoring ministry.
Thank you so much for your time and for considering my novel.
Sincerely,
Genevieve Wilson
Mar 22, 2010
Middle Grade/Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (revision #3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper finds out a walk in the woods can change his life – or end it.
Bored as the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He finds it in the forest when he befriends talking animals transformed accidentally from DNA of the same highly-evolved animals that lived millions of years ago and died out. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends he rescues and they vow to protect the secret of their forest friends.
When a power-hungry fox secretly transforms thousands of animals with his prehistoric DNA into his allies to rule the forest, Joshua must find a way to save his captured friends and stop the fox. He rallies his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000-word middle grade adventure that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper finds out a walk in the woods can change his life – or end it.
Bored as the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He finds it in the forest when he befriends talking animals transformed accidentally from DNA of the same highly-evolved animals that lived millions of years ago and died out. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends he rescues and they vow to protect the secret of their forest friends.
When a power-hungry fox secretly transforms thousands of animals with his prehistoric DNA into his allies to rule the forest, Joshua must find a way to save his captured friends and stop the fox. He rallies his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000-word middle grade adventure that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Mar 20, 2010
Query: THE WATCHERS' DAUGHTER
Dear Agent:
Eighteen-year-old Morgan Meadows has promised her Arabian mare Epona they will never be parted. Yet, she doesn't realize that while she works to build a life on a Kentucky horse farm guardians lurk in the shadows, carefully observing her until the secrets of her family can be revealed.
Keeping her promise to Epona, Morgan takes her along when she gets a chance to meet the parents she's never known. Morgan learns her father comes from a family of fallen angels known as Watchers, immortal beings searching for redemption as they strive to protect all creatures, including the creatures of a parallel world known as Gaia.
Morgan's parents left her behind as an infant because she showed no evidence of their powers, reasoning it best she live a normal, human life. Only after begging the Council (ancient rulers of the Watchers) are they able to arrange this reunion. However, to protect their secrets on Earth, the Council decrees Morgan be taken to Gaia.
In Gaia, Morgan finds herself a target of creatures who have been feeding the fire of their hatred for humanity for centuries. Their hatred stems from the abuse and neglect humans have inflicted on their world and the creatures in it, because if Earth dies--Gaia does as well. Morgan tries to convince them of the good in humanity, using her love for Epona as an example, but many believe it is a trick.
Morgan has her own magic, a magic she shares with Epona. Her powers grow with each new obstacle she faces. As visions present her first assignment as a Watcher--to find and protect the White Buffalo Calf from Sioux legend, she hopes her magic will also help her make peace with the Gaians. But when a Gaian kills her best friend, Morgan plans to use her new powers for vengeance instead.
THE WATCHERS' DAUGHTER is an 82,000word young adult fantasy complete and ready for review upon your request. I have a B.A. in English and taught college-level English courses for several years. I have been co-editor of a statewide periodical and was recently published in Modern Arabian Horse magazine.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Angela Greenlief
Eighteen-year-old Morgan Meadows has promised her Arabian mare Epona they will never be parted. Yet, she doesn't realize that while she works to build a life on a Kentucky horse farm guardians lurk in the shadows, carefully observing her until the secrets of her family can be revealed.
Keeping her promise to Epona, Morgan takes her along when she gets a chance to meet the parents she's never known. Morgan learns her father comes from a family of fallen angels known as Watchers, immortal beings searching for redemption as they strive to protect all creatures, including the creatures of a parallel world known as Gaia.
Morgan's parents left her behind as an infant because she showed no evidence of their powers, reasoning it best she live a normal, human life. Only after begging the Council (ancient rulers of the Watchers) are they able to arrange this reunion. However, to protect their secrets on Earth, the Council decrees Morgan be taken to Gaia.
In Gaia, Morgan finds herself a target of creatures who have been feeding the fire of their hatred for humanity for centuries. Their hatred stems from the abuse and neglect humans have inflicted on their world and the creatures in it, because if Earth dies--Gaia does as well. Morgan tries to convince them of the good in humanity, using her love for Epona as an example, but many believe it is a trick.
Morgan has her own magic, a magic she shares with Epona. Her powers grow with each new obstacle she faces. As visions present her first assignment as a Watcher--to find and protect the White Buffalo Calf from Sioux legend, she hopes her magic will also help her make peace with the Gaians. But when a Gaian kills her best friend, Morgan plans to use her new powers for vengeance instead.
THE WATCHERS' DAUGHTER is an 82,000word young adult fantasy complete and ready for review upon your request. I have a B.A. in English and taught college-level English courses for several years. I have been co-editor of a statewide periodical and was recently published in Modern Arabian Horse magazine.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Angela Greenlief
Mar 19, 2010
QUERY- Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 2)Thanks to all the commenters for improving this! sorry I put this in wrong spot before...on to helping someone else.
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He finds it in the mountain forest above his home when he befriends talking animals created from the DNA of super powered creatures that roamed the earth long ago. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends he rescues, a bully and an old man, and they vow to protect the secret of their forest friends.
When a power-hungry fox secretly recreates thousands of his own animals to conquer and rule the forest Joshua must find a way to save his friends, and himself. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and craft an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000-word middle grade adventure that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 2)Thanks to all the commenters for improving this! sorry I put this in wrong spot before...on to helping someone else.
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He finds it in the mountain forest above his home when he befriends talking animals created from the DNA of super powered creatures that roamed the earth long ago. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends he rescues, a bully and an old man, and they vow to protect the secret of their forest friends.
When a power-hungry fox secretly recreates thousands of his own animals to conquer and rule the forest Joshua must find a way to save his friends, and himself. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and craft an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000-word middle grade adventure that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Mar 16, 2010
Query- Joshua and the Fantastic Forest (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Revision to Joshua and the Fantastic Forest - thank you!
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can magically change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He soon finds it in the mountain forest above his home, but not with kids or even humans, when he befriends talking animals. They share the story of their accidental transformation into animals of amazing strength and reason that roamed the earth millions of years ago, whose existence was blasted away by a meteorite siege that left no trace behind...well, almost none.
When a bumbling, old Mr. Bimble’s walking stick (carved from wood he dug up as a boy that held the DNA of these ancient animals giving him their powers) is struck by lightning in the forest and explodes into shimmering dust, it changes every creature it touches into the animals of long ago.
Bound with their new powers, these animals also carry the memories of their ancestors and know not all were decent and wise. They know some carried dark urges to plunder and conquer their own. Could there be others like that now? All of this is forgotten in the idyllic days that follow as Joshua spends them soaring over the forest on a magnificent bald eagle, playing tag in the meadow with deer, racing through the woods hanging onto the scruff of a mighty bear and sharing fireside tales with his best friend, a beaver.
Joshua soon realizes he can’t keep the secret of the animals to himself when he encounters Mr. Bimble looking for his lost walking stick and Matt, a school bully heading up the mountain to shoot off fireworks in the woods. He must decide to rescue them from a forest sinkhole, with the help of his generous new friends, and risk sharing their secret. The unlikely trio becomes friends and vows to protect the secret of the animals no matter what the consequence.
Joshua discovers Mr. Bimble is dying from cancer and encourages his friends to create a special magic DNA brew in the hopes to cure him. They have no idea one of their own is creating his own DNA concoction, only not to cure – to create and conquer.
When a power-hungry fox carrying the dark seed of his ancestors secretly recreates thousands of his own fantastic animals into an army of soldiers to rule the forest, and possibly the world, Joshua must find a way to save his forest friends. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil animal hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Revision to Joshua and the Fantastic Forest - thank you!
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper is about to find out how a walk in the woods can magically change his life – or end it.
As the new kid in town he is desperate for adventure. He soon finds it in the mountain forest above his home, but not with kids or even humans, when he befriends talking animals. They share the story of their accidental transformation into animals of amazing strength and reason that roamed the earth millions of years ago, whose existence was blasted away by a meteorite siege that left no trace behind...well, almost none.
When a bumbling, old Mr. Bimble’s walking stick (carved from wood he dug up as a boy that held the DNA of these ancient animals giving him their powers) is struck by lightning in the forest and explodes into shimmering dust, it changes every creature it touches into the animals of long ago.
Bound with their new powers, these animals also carry the memories of their ancestors and know not all were decent and wise. They know some carried dark urges to plunder and conquer their own. Could there be others like that now? All of this is forgotten in the idyllic days that follow as Joshua spends them soaring over the forest on a magnificent bald eagle, playing tag in the meadow with deer, racing through the woods hanging onto the scruff of a mighty bear and sharing fireside tales with his best friend, a beaver.
Joshua soon realizes he can’t keep the secret of the animals to himself when he encounters Mr. Bimble looking for his lost walking stick and Matt, a school bully heading up the mountain to shoot off fireworks in the woods. He must decide to rescue them from a forest sinkhole, with the help of his generous new friends, and risk sharing their secret. The unlikely trio becomes friends and vows to protect the secret of the animals no matter what the consequence.
Joshua discovers Mr. Bimble is dying from cancer and encourages his friends to create a special magic DNA brew in the hopes to cure him. They have no idea one of their own is creating his own DNA concoction, only not to cure – to create and conquer.
When a power-hungry fox carrying the dark seed of his ancestors secretly recreates thousands of his own fantastic animals into an army of soldiers to rule the forest, and possibly the world, Joshua must find a way to save his forest friends. He leads his comrades to raise their own army and build an arsenal of weapons to defend themselves against the evil animal hoard in the battle of their lives.
I am seeking your representation for my manuscript, JOSHUA AND THE FANTASTIC FOREST, a 52,000 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy that appeals to boys. I am a freelance writer with a background in reporting and marketing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Nameless - Query (Revision #2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision. It's labeled Revision #2, but it's really Version #2, Revision #1. Oops.
Okay I thought my query still needed some tweaking. I dropped the question at the end, please let me know if this reads better:
Dear Agent:
Eighteen-year-old Erica Ann Dawson falls asleep in her bed in Batesfield, Connecticut and awakens to find herself driving down a four-lane highway.
Plagued by inexplicable blackouts, she begins losing hours, even days, with no memory of what transpired in the intervening time. As the blackouts worsen, she starts to doubt her own sanity. But the truth is even crazier.
Erica is slowly being replaced from her own life by a creature known only as a Changeling. This doppelganger has bewitched Erica’s name and is using it to steal away her memories, her life - her very soul.
To save herself from being completely consumed, Erica is forced to make a terrible sacrifice; she gives up her name, and with it, relinquishes all rights to her own identity.
Now, nameless and forgotten by friends and family alike, the girl is plunged into a world of magic where a Sharpie and a book of matches could mean the difference between life and death. She must learn to harness the power of names and sigils to fight back against the Changelings and the dark force invading Batesfield. But if Erica stands a chance at reclaiming her former life, she will need to discover the truth behind what the changelings truly are. If she fails, she will remain nameless forever.
THE NAMELESS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 60,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Emily XXXX
Address
Phone
Email
Click here to read the first revision. It's labeled Revision #2, but it's really Version #2, Revision #1. Oops.
Okay I thought my query still needed some tweaking. I dropped the question at the end, please let me know if this reads better:
Dear Agent:
Eighteen-year-old Erica Ann Dawson falls asleep in her bed in Batesfield, Connecticut and awakens to find herself driving down a four-lane highway.
Plagued by inexplicable blackouts, she begins losing hours, even days, with no memory of what transpired in the intervening time. As the blackouts worsen, she starts to doubt her own sanity. But the truth is even crazier.
Erica is slowly being replaced from her own life by a creature known only as a Changeling. This doppelganger has bewitched Erica’s name and is using it to steal away her memories, her life - her very soul.
To save herself from being completely consumed, Erica is forced to make a terrible sacrifice; she gives up her name, and with it, relinquishes all rights to her own identity.
Now, nameless and forgotten by friends and family alike, the girl is plunged into a world of magic where a Sharpie and a book of matches could mean the difference between life and death. She must learn to harness the power of names and sigils to fight back against the Changelings and the dark force invading Batesfield. But if Erica stands a chance at reclaiming her former life, she will need to discover the truth behind what the changelings truly are. If she fails, she will remain nameless forever.
THE NAMELESS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 60,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Emily XXXX
Address
Phone
Mar 15, 2010
QUERY- FINDING TESSA
Dear Ms. (Agent Name),
I am seeking representation for my romance novel “Finding Tessa” (72,400-word, 230-page),
a steaming and passionate love story between a Romanian do-not-step-on-my toes feisty woman and an Italian don’t-take-no-for-an-answer attractive man.
When people fall in love, there are circumstances that either bring them together or drive them apart. So is the story of my main characters, Tessa and Alex. He is a handsome Italian, powerful and successful, and a loving husband. He is living the good life until one night his wife is killed in a car accident and his whole world falls apart. Nothing and nobody can help him snap out of it or fill the emptiness in his heart. His life passes by without him being able to feel anything until he meets Tessa. She is a young Romanian, beautiful, smart and a very independent, full of energy and ready for whatever life throws at her. Her accidental encounter with Alex impacts their life forever, without either one of them knowing. Following a one-night stand, the two of them part and each returns to their normal life. Years later, the two characters get another chance to meet, but their union is tested again.
After things seem to have taken a normal course, an attack by her ex boy friend leaves Tessa in a coma until one day she wakes up, but has no recollection of who she was, nor any of the people around her. From a normal and happy existence, Tessa’s life turned upside down. Her inability to remember anything from her past, her frustrations and struggle to find herself again takes a toll on her relationship with Alex. For a period of time, she opts to battle by herself the internal turmoil and demons that feasted at her soul and heart.
Eventually, time and love prevail and the two lovers find themselves once again in each other’s arms. They accept the fact that Tessa’s memory was lost forever … or so they thought. Familiar surroundings, a smell, an image and all that was lost came back to her in a moment. In a blink of an eye she remembers who she is, and how she got there. In a moment, she got back what she longed for, her previous life and memories, but also a lot more. There is still one more secret she needs to tell Alex before they can be free to live and love one another.
Writing about Romania and Romanian people only makes sense because of my background. I was born and raised in Romania but moved to the US about six years ago and have lived ever since in Arizona.
Thank you for considering this query concerning my romance novel, “Finding Tessa.” I would love to send you my manuscript and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
My name
My contact info
I am seeking representation for my romance novel “Finding Tessa” (72,400-word, 230-page),
a steaming and passionate love story between a Romanian do-not-step-on-my toes feisty woman and an Italian don’t-take-no-for-an-answer attractive man.
When people fall in love, there are circumstances that either bring them together or drive them apart. So is the story of my main characters, Tessa and Alex. He is a handsome Italian, powerful and successful, and a loving husband. He is living the good life until one night his wife is killed in a car accident and his whole world falls apart. Nothing and nobody can help him snap out of it or fill the emptiness in his heart. His life passes by without him being able to feel anything until he meets Tessa. She is a young Romanian, beautiful, smart and a very independent, full of energy and ready for whatever life throws at her. Her accidental encounter with Alex impacts their life forever, without either one of them knowing. Following a one-night stand, the two of them part and each returns to their normal life. Years later, the two characters get another chance to meet, but their union is tested again.
After things seem to have taken a normal course, an attack by her ex boy friend leaves Tessa in a coma until one day she wakes up, but has no recollection of who she was, nor any of the people around her. From a normal and happy existence, Tessa’s life turned upside down. Her inability to remember anything from her past, her frustrations and struggle to find herself again takes a toll on her relationship with Alex. For a period of time, she opts to battle by herself the internal turmoil and demons that feasted at her soul and heart.
Eventually, time and love prevail and the two lovers find themselves once again in each other’s arms. They accept the fact that Tessa’s memory was lost forever … or so they thought. Familiar surroundings, a smell, an image and all that was lost came back to her in a moment. In a blink of an eye she remembers who she is, and how she got there. In a moment, she got back what she longed for, her previous life and memories, but also a lot more. There is still one more secret she needs to tell Alex before they can be free to live and love one another.
Writing about Romania and Romanian people only makes sense because of my background. I was born and raised in Romania but moved to the US about six years ago and have lived ever since in Arizona.
Thank you for considering this query concerning my romance novel, “Finding Tessa.” I would love to send you my manuscript and look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
My name
My contact info
Query- Joshua and the Fantastic Forest
Dear Mr. Brown,
Your interest in middle grade fantasy fiction - and willingness to work with new authors - is what drew me to contacting you about representing my recently completed work. My manuscript, Joshua and the Fantastic Forest, is a 51,680 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy.
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper enjoys nature treks but he’s about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – forever – or end it.
As the new kid in town on summer break he is desperate for adventure and he finds it in the nearby forest, but not with other kids – or even humans for that matter. He encounters fantastic, talking animals accidentally created from the DNA of their ancestors long before dinosaurs roamed the earth. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends – a bully and an old man – and they vow to protect the secret of the amazing animals always.
But, when an evil fox creates an army to rule the forest – and destroy the world – Joshua must find a way with his new friends to raise their own army and defend themselves in the battle of their lives. When Joshua victoriously leads the animals in bloody war against the evil animal hoard he is struck down near death – and it is up to his friends to figure out how to bring him back to life.
I am the author of a self-published memoir (xxxxxx) and a freelance writer. Please find enclosed a sample chapter. I would love the opportunity to share the entire manuscript of Joshua and the Fantastic Forest with you.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
Your interest in middle grade fantasy fiction - and willingness to work with new authors - is what drew me to contacting you about representing my recently completed work. My manuscript, Joshua and the Fantastic Forest, is a 51,680 word contemporary middle grade adventure fantasy.
Twelve-year old Joshua Cooper enjoys nature treks but he’s about to find out how a walk in the woods can change his life – forever – or end it.
As the new kid in town on summer break he is desperate for adventure and he finds it in the nearby forest, but not with other kids – or even humans for that matter. He encounters fantastic, talking animals accidentally created from the DNA of their ancestors long before dinosaurs roamed the earth. He shares his magical world with two unlikely friends – a bully and an old man – and they vow to protect the secret of the amazing animals always.
But, when an evil fox creates an army to rule the forest – and destroy the world – Joshua must find a way with his new friends to raise their own army and defend themselves in the battle of their lives. When Joshua victoriously leads the animals in bloody war against the evil animal hoard he is struck down near death – and it is up to his friends to figure out how to bring him back to life.
I am the author of a self-published memoir (xxxxxx) and a freelance writer. Please find enclosed a sample chapter. I would love the opportunity to share the entire manuscript of Joshua and the Fantastic Forest with you.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
Mar 10, 2010
Query-Standing Asleep
Dear Query Slushpile,
Homecoming Queen Mandy doesn’t like her home town, assigned homework topics or her lip gloss smeared. When her English teacher gives her the assignment to write a paper on the missing youth in Holden, Mandy laughs through her candy-apple red lips; until she finds herself in the middle of intrigue and mystery.
Mandy figures her English assignment will be easy until she starts interviewing locals for her paper; most of them believe in the stories of alien abductions. Mandy chases clues from the town drunk to the mayor to old mines. As she gets closer to the truth, she finds she and her family are more involved than she could guess.
For one, all the missing youth are boys. And second: they are the same age. Then her underwear-model boyfriend goes missing and Mandy decides there is more to her paper than she realizes. What she discovers next brings many of Holden’s prominent citizens together to rescue the boys before they disappear for good.
Will she solve the mystery in time? And will she get an ‘A’ on her English paper?
“Standing Asleep” is 40000 YA Sci/Fi.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
He looked around, careful not to move his head. He was here again, closer to his escape away from the monsters that brought him here. Why was he here? He looked slowly to his left and saw the newest victim. Younger than most the monsters had taken and he was slim built, tall and dressed in white; like himself and all the others.
He closed his eyes. He didn’t know how long it had been since he was taken from his home. Years most likely. Everyday he worked on his escape and every time he escaped he was caught. Each time, the monsters made him sleep again.
***
Mandy had only been inside the jail once when she was ten years-old. The jail had seemed huge and scary then. But today when Mandy pulled up to the jail it didn’t feel as impressive. Mandy smiled. She was much more mature now.
A guard showed her into a room just like the ones she saw in the movies: Plexiglas windows, an old chair and phone. Mandy got her supplies out and nervously arranged her pencils into a straight line. She glanced up when she heard the lock open on her side of the Plexiglas. An older woman shuffled to an empty chair and sat.
What am I doing here? Quickly, Mandy shoved her stuff back in her pack. She reached for the recorder and her hand froze.
Steve was sitting in front of her. He looked awful, which was an improvement. Mandy couldn’t take her eyes off his weathered and stubble-lined face. His mouth opened in what Mandy could only believe was a smile. It revealed broken and missing teeth. He picked up his phone and waited for Mandy to do the same.
“Hey missy,” he croaked when she put the receiver to her ear. Mandy held her breath, as if she’d be afflicted by his bad breath.
“It’s Mandy,” she corrected without thinking.
“I know who you are,” he said. “Whaddya want?”
“I uh, need to do an interview for a class.”
While he cackled she looked at his clothes. He wore a tattered red sweater which hung limply over a dirty t-shirt that read, ‘This Earth is mine!’ Didn’t prisoners have to wear black and white stripes or something?
“Maybe you want to hear my story?” If possible, his eyes sparkled.
“Sure, Steve, that’d be great,” she said with crafted nonchalance. It was exactly what she wanted.
Homecoming Queen Mandy doesn’t like her home town, assigned homework topics or her lip gloss smeared. When her English teacher gives her the assignment to write a paper on the missing youth in Holden, Mandy laughs through her candy-apple red lips; until she finds herself in the middle of intrigue and mystery.
Mandy figures her English assignment will be easy until she starts interviewing locals for her paper; most of them believe in the stories of alien abductions. Mandy chases clues from the town drunk to the mayor to old mines. As she gets closer to the truth, she finds she and her family are more involved than she could guess.
For one, all the missing youth are boys. And second: they are the same age. Then her underwear-model boyfriend goes missing and Mandy decides there is more to her paper than she realizes. What she discovers next brings many of Holden’s prominent citizens together to rescue the boys before they disappear for good.
Will she solve the mystery in time? And will she get an ‘A’ on her English paper?
“Standing Asleep” is 40000 YA Sci/Fi.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
He looked around, careful not to move his head. He was here again, closer to his escape away from the monsters that brought him here. Why was he here? He looked slowly to his left and saw the newest victim. Younger than most the monsters had taken and he was slim built, tall and dressed in white; like himself and all the others.
He closed his eyes. He didn’t know how long it had been since he was taken from his home. Years most likely. Everyday he worked on his escape and every time he escaped he was caught. Each time, the monsters made him sleep again.
***
Mandy had only been inside the jail once when she was ten years-old. The jail had seemed huge and scary then. But today when Mandy pulled up to the jail it didn’t feel as impressive. Mandy smiled. She was much more mature now.
A guard showed her into a room just like the ones she saw in the movies: Plexiglas windows, an old chair and phone. Mandy got her supplies out and nervously arranged her pencils into a straight line. She glanced up when she heard the lock open on her side of the Plexiglas. An older woman shuffled to an empty chair and sat.
What am I doing here? Quickly, Mandy shoved her stuff back in her pack. She reached for the recorder and her hand froze.
Steve was sitting in front of her. He looked awful, which was an improvement. Mandy couldn’t take her eyes off his weathered and stubble-lined face. His mouth opened in what Mandy could only believe was a smile. It revealed broken and missing teeth. He picked up his phone and waited for Mandy to do the same.
“Hey missy,” he croaked when she put the receiver to her ear. Mandy held her breath, as if she’d be afflicted by his bad breath.
“It’s Mandy,” she corrected without thinking.
“I know who you are,” he said. “Whaddya want?”
“I uh, need to do an interview for a class.”
While he cackled she looked at his clothes. He wore a tattered red sweater which hung limply over a dirty t-shirt that read, ‘This Earth is mine!’ Didn’t prisoners have to wear black and white stripes or something?
“Maybe you want to hear my story?” If possible, his eyes sparkled.
“Sure, Steve, that’d be great,” she said with crafted nonchalance. It was exactly what she wanted.
Mar 9, 2010
Query: ONLY HUMAN
Dear [Do your worst commenters!!],
Rachel Daniels’ grandfather is dead, and everything she knew about herself died with him. She had lived her entire life with one overriding goal: to be like him. Now she is six weeks into her last semester of college, and her carefully planned life is falling apart.
When Rachel discovers twenty-eight journals her grandfather had been secretly writing for seventy years, she knows he left them for her.
As Rachel delves into the journals, she is disillusioned by accounts of her grandfather’s misjudgments and selfishness. Worst of all, while Rachel thought Lyle was proud of her for striving for mainstream success, she finds that he wondered if she would ever listen to her own instincts instead of his opinions.
Rachel disconnects as she struggles through the semester, thriving on apathy and anger. She alienates her family, acts recklessly, and contemplates dropping out of college altogether. Every journal reveals more of the real Lyle, who despite instances of extraordinary kindness or courage, falls far short of the perfect person she thought she knew.
In the midst of her grief, her philosophy professor poses a question that consumes her: What is truth? To answer it she must journey from mistake, to reflection, to acceptance, to see that her grandfather is teaching her his last lesson through the pages of his life.
ONLY HUMAN is an 88,000-word work of literary fiction that reflects a section of 20- to 40- something adult culture: cynical and blunt yet inspired and unafraid to question interpersonal relationships and the human condition. Rachel’s unapologetic and biting observations are interwoven with slices of Lyle’s life that range from laugh-out-loud funny to heart-wrenching.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
As of yet unpublished
Rachel Daniels’ grandfather is dead, and everything she knew about herself died with him. She had lived her entire life with one overriding goal: to be like him. Now she is six weeks into her last semester of college, and her carefully planned life is falling apart.
When Rachel discovers twenty-eight journals her grandfather had been secretly writing for seventy years, she knows he left them for her.
As Rachel delves into the journals, she is disillusioned by accounts of her grandfather’s misjudgments and selfishness. Worst of all, while Rachel thought Lyle was proud of her for striving for mainstream success, she finds that he wondered if she would ever listen to her own instincts instead of his opinions.
Rachel disconnects as she struggles through the semester, thriving on apathy and anger. She alienates her family, acts recklessly, and contemplates dropping out of college altogether. Every journal reveals more of the real Lyle, who despite instances of extraordinary kindness or courage, falls far short of the perfect person she thought she knew.
In the midst of her grief, her philosophy professor poses a question that consumes her: What is truth? To answer it she must journey from mistake, to reflection, to acceptance, to see that her grandfather is teaching her his last lesson through the pages of his life.
ONLY HUMAN is an 88,000-word work of literary fiction that reflects a section of 20- to 40- something adult culture: cynical and blunt yet inspired and unafraid to question interpersonal relationships and the human condition. Rachel’s unapologetic and biting observations are interwoven with slices of Lyle’s life that range from laugh-out-loud funny to heart-wrenching.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
As of yet unpublished
QUERY - MAKIN' LOVE - young adult
For seventeen-year old Annie Winters, finding the perfect guy is simple science, if only she could keep from falling for an incompatible subject.
Maintaining her Harvard bound image while being the daughter of two famous folk singers in a band called Smokin' Grass (both a name and an act they practice daily) is complicated enough without Kyle Williams butting in on her efforts to win the National Science Fair.
Her potential blue ribbon project involves a complex scientific formula, ninth month's worth of data and a compatibility test guaranteed to score her the right man, or so she thought. Until Kyle, an incompatible subject, locks them in an office and lures Annie into a few hours of impulsive fun.
Her emotions spun out of control while in the arms of an incredibly hot guy, but that doesn't mean her test is invalid. As if she would give in to his half-British charm and fall instantly in love- even if his kissing score is double that of all the compatible subjects. And even if she can't stop obsessing over all things Kyle.
Annie may be the girl who pushed and shoved her way to number one in her class, but lying about the test results, cheating on her project are two things she could never do, no matter what is at stake. The problem is, being honest with herself is more difficult than anything she's had to learn in school.
MAKIN' LOVE is a 54,000 word young adult novel. When I'm not writing, I am a Gymnastics Program Director for the YMCA and have recently published a short story in International Gymnast magazine for the April, 2010 issue. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.
Maintaining her Harvard bound image while being the daughter of two famous folk singers in a band called Smokin' Grass (both a name and an act they practice daily) is complicated enough without Kyle Williams butting in on her efforts to win the National Science Fair.
Her potential blue ribbon project involves a complex scientific formula, ninth month's worth of data and a compatibility test guaranteed to score her the right man, or so she thought. Until Kyle, an incompatible subject, locks them in an office and lures Annie into a few hours of impulsive fun.
Her emotions spun out of control while in the arms of an incredibly hot guy, but that doesn't mean her test is invalid. As if she would give in to his half-British charm and fall instantly in love- even if his kissing score is double that of all the compatible subjects. And even if she can't stop obsessing over all things Kyle.
Annie may be the girl who pushed and shoved her way to number one in her class, but lying about the test results, cheating on her project are two things she could never do, no matter what is at stake. The problem is, being honest with herself is more difficult than anything she's had to learn in school.
MAKIN' LOVE is a 54,000 word young adult novel. When I'm not writing, I am a Gymnastics Program Director for the YMCA and have recently published a short story in International Gymnast magazine for the April, 2010 issue. Thank you for taking the time to consider my novel.
Mar 6, 2010
IRON THIRST - URBAN FANTASY
*I've changed the story a bit since the last time I was here, so I had to start over with my query. Thanks in advance for your comments and advice*
You can search for the original query, but since this is more of a fresh start I'm not adding the links to the top like I do with most revisions.
- Rick
The why I picked you paragraph.
Atlanta vampires are a gentler breed than most, but that is not true for the out-of-towners that are flocking to the downtown hotels for this year’s annual DragonCon. The vamps use this opportunity to take off their disguises while blending in with the costumed humans, but there are rules and Adam Bristow, forensics biologist by trade and vampire slayer by design, is there to enforce them and to keep the vampires’ existence secret.
Meanwhile, straight-laced, Felicity Johnson, is looking forward to an escape from the norm. And DragonCon, the convention that celebrates everything science fiction and fantasy, is the perfect prescription. Throw in a scrumptious attorney named Blake, and she’s landed in her own gothic paradise. However, Felicity gets an overdose of adventure when she stumbles upon one friend’s mangled body immediately after her best friend vanishes.
Felicity is introduced into the dark world of vampires when the leader of Bristow’s team and her new crush, Blake, offers to help Felicity find her missing best friend, leading her down a road that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover, one that cannot be undone without a stake to the heart.
Iron Thirst is a 90,000 word urban fantasy told through the eyes of both Felicity and Bristow, inviting the reader into the dark world of the vampire while Felicity slowly discovers that things are not as they seem.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
You can search for the original query, but since this is more of a fresh start I'm not adding the links to the top like I do with most revisions.
- Rick
The why I picked you paragraph.
Atlanta vampires are a gentler breed than most, but that is not true for the out-of-towners that are flocking to the downtown hotels for this year’s annual DragonCon. The vamps use this opportunity to take off their disguises while blending in with the costumed humans, but there are rules and Adam Bristow, forensics biologist by trade and vampire slayer by design, is there to enforce them and to keep the vampires’ existence secret.
Meanwhile, straight-laced, Felicity Johnson, is looking forward to an escape from the norm. And DragonCon, the convention that celebrates everything science fiction and fantasy, is the perfect prescription. Throw in a scrumptious attorney named Blake, and she’s landed in her own gothic paradise. However, Felicity gets an overdose of adventure when she stumbles upon one friend’s mangled body immediately after her best friend vanishes.
Felicity is introduced into the dark world of vampires when the leader of Bristow’s team and her new crush, Blake, offers to help Felicity find her missing best friend, leading her down a road that could leave her either dead or with the ultimate makeover, one that cannot be undone without a stake to the heart.
Iron Thirst is a 90,000 word urban fantasy told through the eyes of both Felicity and Bristow, inviting the reader into the dark world of the vampire while Felicity slowly discovers that things are not as they seem.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Absorption (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent X:
At first Brett Johnson is convinced that the hive mind is a malignant entity intent on devouring humanity. Enraptured by the strange beauty he discovers, he must determine if war is unnecessary, or if he’s been tricked and seduced himself.
Major Johnson is sent to deliver an ultimatum. The planet Oceania must abandon the nanotechnology that links individual brains into a supermind or prepare for war. To demonstrate that the Federalist Worlds are not merely driven by fear and ignorance, he reluctantly agrees to learn to use the technology himself, without completely joining the overmind.
During negotiations he rashly seduces a beautiful woman, hoping to distract her from the hive mind he believes may destroy her. With her help he learns more about Oceania than his superiors could have imagined – but begins to question what he’s been told. Is the hive mind truly an entity seeking to absorb humanity – or a collaborative tool enabling people to perform superhuman feats of intellect?
He can only find out by becoming part of the supermind. If he was right all along and no individual can ever leave, he will never know what he’s lost – and those who hear his report may not understand until it’s too late. If his doubts are correct, it may well be too late to convince his superiors, and the home world of the woman he comes to love may be wracked by a devastating and unnecessary war.
Absorption is an 80,000 word science fiction novel. I received my Masters of Library Science from the State University of New York at Albany.
Grateful Regards,
David Weisman
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent X:
At first Brett Johnson is convinced that the hive mind is a malignant entity intent on devouring humanity. Enraptured by the strange beauty he discovers, he must determine if war is unnecessary, or if he’s been tricked and seduced himself.
Major Johnson is sent to deliver an ultimatum. The planet Oceania must abandon the nanotechnology that links individual brains into a supermind or prepare for war. To demonstrate that the Federalist Worlds are not merely driven by fear and ignorance, he reluctantly agrees to learn to use the technology himself, without completely joining the overmind.
During negotiations he rashly seduces a beautiful woman, hoping to distract her from the hive mind he believes may destroy her. With her help he learns more about Oceania than his superiors could have imagined – but begins to question what he’s been told. Is the hive mind truly an entity seeking to absorb humanity – or a collaborative tool enabling people to perform superhuman feats of intellect?
He can only find out by becoming part of the supermind. If he was right all along and no individual can ever leave, he will never know what he’s lost – and those who hear his report may not understand until it’s too late. If his doubts are correct, it may well be too late to convince his superiors, and the home world of the woman he comes to love may be wracked by a devastating and unnecessary war.
Absorption is an 80,000 word science fiction novel. I received my Masters of Library Science from the State University of New York at Albany.
Grateful Regards,
David Weisman
Mar 5, 2010
Query - The Ice King (Revision #2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Joshua, a child-king, sits in the comfort of his room by a fire consumed with thoughts about the peculiar weather. He looks out his window, checking on the village below, and sees something small flying towards him: a fairy. The Oracles have sent Princess Madasine to Mount Moore to bring him to them.
The Ice King’s daughter has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King has frozen all of the realms, hoping that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is being held captive. If the princess is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles send Joshua on a quest to the Ice King, hoping he can rescue the princess and set things right in the other realms before it is too late. The power inside of him has awakened and Princess Madasine is given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it, or end his life.
During his quest, Joshua discovers his true identity and is forced to face his destiny. A destiny only he is capable of changing.
THE ICE KING is a 75,000 word, completed young adult novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Joshua, a child-king, sits in the comfort of his room by a fire consumed with thoughts about the peculiar weather. He looks out his window, checking on the village below, and sees something small flying towards him: a fairy. The Oracles have sent Princess Madasine to Mount Moore to bring him to them.
The Ice King’s daughter has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King has frozen all of the realms, hoping that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is being held captive. If the princess is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles send Joshua on a quest to the Ice King, hoping he can rescue the princess and set things right in the other realms before it is too late. The power inside of him has awakened and Princess Madasine is given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it, or end his life.
During his quest, Joshua discovers his true identity and is forced to face his destiny. A destiny only he is capable of changing.
THE ICE KING is a 75,000 word, completed young adult novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
Revised Query - The Ice King
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
A Chosen One falls from the heavens every thousand years, destined to bring back peace to all races: mortal and immortal. The last two became evil and twisted; will Joshua follow them or will he change his destiny?
Azalla, a powerful shapeshifter, has guarded and protected Joshua, patiently waiting for him to be called upon. Everyday that passes, he becomes more than a quest to her. She loves and fears him, torn between her quest and his destiny.
The Ice King’s daughter, Arriell, has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King freezes all of the realms, in hopes that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is now being held captive. If she is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles summon Princess Madasine, a fairy princess, and command her to bring Joshua to them. The power inside of him has awakened early and Princess Madasine has been given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it. The Oracles send him on a quest to the Ice King, in hopes that he can rescue Princess Arriell and set things right in the other realms before it is too late.
THE ICE KING is a Middle Grade-Young Adult 75,000 word, completed novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world full of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent,
A Chosen One falls from the heavens every thousand years, destined to bring back peace to all races: mortal and immortal. The last two became evil and twisted; will Joshua follow them or will he change his destiny?
Azalla, a powerful shapeshifter, has guarded and protected Joshua, patiently waiting for him to be called upon. Everyday that passes, he becomes more than a quest to her. She loves and fears him, torn between her quest and his destiny.
The Ice King’s daughter, Arriell, has been taken from her tower-room by a fire dragon. The Ice King freezes all of the realms, in hopes that the cold will reach the Realm of Fire where she is now being held captive. If she is not rescued soon, she will surely die.
The Oracles summon Princess Madasine, a fairy princess, and command her to bring Joshua to them. The power inside of him has awakened early and Princess Madasine has been given the task of teaching him how to contain and use it. The Oracles send him on a quest to the Ice King, in hopes that he can rescue Princess Arriell and set things right in the other realms before it is too late.
THE ICE KING is a Middle Grade-Young Adult 75,000 word, completed novel. This novel is a magical adventure full of mystical creatures, powerful immortals, and a world full of endless possibilities.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Mar 4, 2010
Query - The Ice King
Dear Agent,
I am writing to you because I just finished my first novel and I am hoping you will represent me.
My manuscript, The Ice King, is the first novel in a young adult series entitled The Chosen that I am in the process of writing. The Ice King, will take the reader on a magical adventure alongside characters such as: a child-king, a fairy princess, and a powerful shapeshifter. My novel is 75,000 words in its completed form and is similar to the writings of Cornelia Funke.
Joshua never expected that his world would be turned upside down by the arrival of an uninvited guest lingering outside his bedchamber window. A small fairy princess, boiling over with pride, demands entrance into his chambers. She tells him he must leave immediately with her and he has no choice. She has an unexpected surprise when a powerful immortal walks in. A shapeshifter, disguised as his nanny, has been protecting him and waiting for him to come of age so she can reveal who he truly is and what he is destined to become. Something has gone terribly wrong in the Ice Kingdom, causing the Ice King to freeze all the realms. A journey to meet the Oracles, sends Joshua on a quest to realms he never knew existed, and begins a destiny he will find hard to accept.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
I am writing to you because I just finished my first novel and I am hoping you will represent me.
My manuscript, The Ice King, is the first novel in a young adult series entitled The Chosen that I am in the process of writing. The Ice King, will take the reader on a magical adventure alongside characters such as: a child-king, a fairy princess, and a powerful shapeshifter. My novel is 75,000 words in its completed form and is similar to the writings of Cornelia Funke.
Joshua never expected that his world would be turned upside down by the arrival of an uninvited guest lingering outside his bedchamber window. A small fairy princess, boiling over with pride, demands entrance into his chambers. She tells him he must leave immediately with her and he has no choice. She has an unexpected surprise when a powerful immortal walks in. A shapeshifter, disguised as his nanny, has been protecting him and waiting for him to come of age so she can reveal who he truly is and what he is destined to become. Something has gone terribly wrong in the Ice Kingdom, causing the Ice King to freeze all the realms. A journey to meet the Oracles, sends Joshua on a quest to realms he never knew existed, and begins a destiny he will find hard to accept.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Angela Brown
Mar 1, 2010
Query- Mayhem, Inc. (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Archer Quinn eats only food he can count, organizes his clothes by color, and polishes every bullet before loading his gun. Quinn, a former Special Forces operative, has carved out a simple life of order with his courier company, a job that permits him to be virtually invisible as he avoids stepping on cracks and taps the side of his truck three times after every delivery. But, after he foils a seemingly random hit on his life, Quinn is thrust headlong into a corporate conspiracy with the sole endgame of toppling the globe into anarchy.
On the run from strange men in gray suits and fighting for his life, Quinn soon realizes the world is going to end in two weeks, and that he is the only one able to see the method to the madness. As society teeters on the edge, Quinn has to make a decision. Stop the corporation’s plan? Or help it along? They are, after all, the order behind the chaos.
Mayhem, Inc. is a 78,000-word thriller.
Dear Agent,
Archer Quinn eats only food he can count, organizes his clothes by color, and polishes every bullet before loading his gun. Quinn, a former Special Forces operative, has carved out a simple life of order with his courier company, a job that permits him to be virtually invisible as he avoids stepping on cracks and taps the side of his truck three times after every delivery. But, after he foils a seemingly random hit on his life, Quinn is thrust headlong into a corporate conspiracy with the sole endgame of toppling the globe into anarchy.
On the run from strange men in gray suits and fighting for his life, Quinn soon realizes the world is going to end in two weeks, and that he is the only one able to see the method to the madness. As society teeters on the edge, Quinn has to make a decision. Stop the corporation’s plan? Or help it along? They are, after all, the order behind the chaos.
Mayhem, Inc. is a 78,000-word thriller.
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