Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thank you all for your comments. I am still trying to find the right take on this story, what's important, and what isn't and battling the line between too little and too much.
Silver squirrel has come to his end. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! I said I was willing to face death, but you’ve shown me to be a coward. I want to be proud, but you make me ashamed. I’m angry, but you would make me forgive. I tried to live by faith, but now I fear I will die.”
Silver’s facing predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home due to some forgotten blight. Now, all he can do, is forgive them.
He’s come a long way from his humble beginnings under a stump. He was timid and immature. Now, he’s just ruined, but he’s learned how to forgive and how to love. It was a refining fire, of sorts, that got him here. If somehow he survives, perhaps he’ll yet be ready for a special kind of destiny.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 70,000 words.
Jun 16, 2010
QUERY - SPYRE REVISION 1
Click here to read the original query.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I wish I'd found this site 4 months ago.
Some of you said that you'd like me to add more to the synopsis part of the query. I feel that "less is more" when it comes to a query's synopsis. That way, it garners more interest from prospective agents. I thought that going into more detail would be reserved for a full-paged synopsis. So I'm a little conflicted on that part of the query. However, I've added another paragraph (it's in italics) to see how that works.
I'm certainly open to more constructive criticism since I've sent out multiple versions of this query to over 50 agents and have received 27 rejections and only 1 request to see more pages. Thanks again for you help and let me know what you think:
There was no way for Alex Laxa to know that asking out a girl could land him in so much trouble. When Alex, a shy and uninspired waylei dealer, chases after a beautiful doctor to ask her out, he had no idea that he'd be thrust on a harrowing journey across the Volero System that could ultimately decide the fate of billions.
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lie dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. They discover that Lara stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd while researching her father's past. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for.
Alex learns that Shepherd is a covert initiative to acquire the planet Spyre by annihilating its inhabitants. Only a select few are aware that this world holds the key to controlling the Volero System. Now he and his friends must save the Spyreans and prevent The Company from gaining indomitable power. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I wish I'd found this site 4 months ago.
Some of you said that you'd like me to add more to the synopsis part of the query. I feel that "less is more" when it comes to a query's synopsis. That way, it garners more interest from prospective agents. I thought that going into more detail would be reserved for a full-paged synopsis. So I'm a little conflicted on that part of the query. However, I've added another paragraph (it's in italics) to see how that works.
I'm certainly open to more constructive criticism since I've sent out multiple versions of this query to over 50 agents and have received 27 rejections and only 1 request to see more pages. Thanks again for you help and let me know what you think:
There was no way for Alex Laxa to know that asking out a girl could land him in so much trouble. When Alex, a shy and uninspired waylei dealer, chases after a beautiful doctor to ask her out, he had no idea that he'd be thrust on a harrowing journey across the Volero System that could ultimately decide the fate of billions.
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lie dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. They discover that Lara stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd while researching her father's past. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for.
Alex learns that Shepherd is a covert initiative to acquire the planet Spyre by annihilating its inhabitants. Only a select few are aware that this world holds the key to controlling the Volero System. Now he and his friends must save the Spyreans and prevent The Company from gaining indomitable power. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Jun 15, 2010
Query for a children's book/picture book
Dear Mr. Rutherford,
What would you do if you were visiting a zoo on an empty stomach and saw a giant banana? If you were Mr. Butchin you would take it home and make banana bread. This is the story of the Misadventures of Mr. Butchin. Mr. Butchin is a loveable cartoon man who travels the fifty states and other countries in his subsequent books. His travels involve real photos of landmarks and local places within each state. In his first book, Mr. Butchin starts off in Wisconsin. He visits a local zoo and learns a valuable lesson about sharing. The first story is completed and an outline of subsequent books has already been done. Mr. Butchin’s books are aimed for toddlers and preschoolers and have a word count of approximately 600 to 800 words. Comparative books that share a vision of culture, language, and knowledge specifically geared towards toddlers and young children were hard to find. Some such as Dora explore the language aspect. Within the research, I found that books either focused on language or realistic photos, but not both.
I live in Madison, Wisconsin and do in-home childcare using my degree in Early Childhood Education and my Master’s in Education to bring fun to learning experiences. I’ve been working directly with children and reading everyday to them for nine years. My co-author Casey Day has worked at two daycare facilities for over 15 years as a music teacher and assistant teacher.
Some possible endorsements for the book would be the University of Wisconsin-Madison, with whom I work closely. Also, libraries in Wisconsin and bookstores may allow a book signing to help endorse the book. Due to the educational value, I feel confident that one or more places will endorse this book.
My marketing plan is flexible but strong. I wrote a book that will add to the education of all young children. My mission is, by using realistic pictures and common phrases heard within a location, and simplistic text, children will have knowledge of each of the fifty states and twenty other countries once the series is complete. I will contact the intended market by using internet, print, and traveling to locations. I hope to use a low cost/high turnover approach to pricing. This plan will be modified to fit demand and cost. The specifics can be decided later.
Thank you for taking the time to review my materials.
What would you do if you were visiting a zoo on an empty stomach and saw a giant banana? If you were Mr. Butchin you would take it home and make banana bread. This is the story of the Misadventures of Mr. Butchin. Mr. Butchin is a loveable cartoon man who travels the fifty states and other countries in his subsequent books. His travels involve real photos of landmarks and local places within each state. In his first book, Mr. Butchin starts off in Wisconsin. He visits a local zoo and learns a valuable lesson about sharing. The first story is completed and an outline of subsequent books has already been done. Mr. Butchin’s books are aimed for toddlers and preschoolers and have a word count of approximately 600 to 800 words. Comparative books that share a vision of culture, language, and knowledge specifically geared towards toddlers and young children were hard to find. Some such as Dora explore the language aspect. Within the research, I found that books either focused on language or realistic photos, but not both.
I live in Madison, Wisconsin and do in-home childcare using my degree in Early Childhood Education and my Master’s in Education to bring fun to learning experiences. I’ve been working directly with children and reading everyday to them for nine years. My co-author Casey Day has worked at two daycare facilities for over 15 years as a music teacher and assistant teacher.
Some possible endorsements for the book would be the University of Wisconsin-Madison, with whom I work closely. Also, libraries in Wisconsin and bookstores may allow a book signing to help endorse the book. Due to the educational value, I feel confident that one or more places will endorse this book.
My marketing plan is flexible but strong. I wrote a book that will add to the education of all young children. My mission is, by using realistic pictures and common phrases heard within a location, and simplistic text, children will have knowledge of each of the fifty states and twenty other countries once the series is complete. I will contact the intended market by using internet, print, and traveling to locations. I hope to use a low cost/high turnover approach to pricing. This plan will be modified to fit demand and cost. The specifics can be decided later.
Thank you for taking the time to review my materials.
Jun 14, 2010
QUERY- SPYRE
How could Alex Laxa have known that trying to ask out a pretty girl could land him in so much trouble? When Alex, a shy and uninspired waylei dealer pondering his unfulfilling job and uncertain future, has a chance encounter with a beautiful, young doctor and chases after her in a rare effort to ask her out, he had no idea that he'd be thrust on a harrowing journey across the Volero System that could ultimately decide the fate of billions.
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the beautiful doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lay dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. Together they discover that in Lara's curious research of her father's past on the planet Spyre, she stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence, killing Lara's father in the process. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
I've always admired the way a good story not only sparks one's imagination and opens the door to a world of limitless possibilities, but allows the audience to experience the emotions of its characters. It's my dream to write a novel that does precisely that.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. May I send you the complete manuscript? I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the beautiful doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lay dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. Together they discover that in Lara's curious research of her father's past on the planet Spyre, she stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence, killing Lara's father in the process. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
I've always admired the way a good story not only sparks one's imagination and opens the door to a world of limitless possibilities, but allows the audience to experience the emotions of its characters. It's my dream to write a novel that does precisely that.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. May I send you the complete manuscript? I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Query- Crucible of Silver (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Some animals seem to have a much harder time of life. These few special animals aren't unintelligent or unlucky. They endure these trails and tribulations as if in a crucible, making them fit for a special kind of destiny. Silver Squirrel is one such animal.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 73,000 words.
As a fire burns a forest, and flame sets mountains ablaze, Silver Squirrel learns to survive his first year in a world that is in chaos around him.
Fear of the cataclysmic chestnut blight leads squirrel leaders to destroy their own forest, leaving Silver homeless. Repercussions of the fire – starvation, predation and more – bring the animals to ruin.
Through it all, Silver tries to find friendship with crows, a relationship with a female squirrel, and a sense of who he is. Everything always seems to be against him – the community, a hawk, and even spring fever, but these problems cause him to learn and grow.
Silver dreams of a day when he can be at a piece with a mate by his side, far from the heartaches of daily life, but Silver is at last caught by the hawk, and all seems lost. Her plan will pit him against his own kind to redeem the most fearsome predator the skies have known. Still, his experience with the birds may help him survive this most terrible trial yet.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally story edited along with the two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals. There are occasional allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not preachy. It’s intended the be good clean fun. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a huge influence as well.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Some animals seem to have a much harder time of life. These few special animals aren't unintelligent or unlucky. They endure these trails and tribulations as if in a crucible, making them fit for a special kind of destiny. Silver Squirrel is one such animal.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 73,000 words.
As a fire burns a forest, and flame sets mountains ablaze, Silver Squirrel learns to survive his first year in a world that is in chaos around him.
Fear of the cataclysmic chestnut blight leads squirrel leaders to destroy their own forest, leaving Silver homeless. Repercussions of the fire – starvation, predation and more – bring the animals to ruin.
Through it all, Silver tries to find friendship with crows, a relationship with a female squirrel, and a sense of who he is. Everything always seems to be against him – the community, a hawk, and even spring fever, but these problems cause him to learn and grow.
Silver dreams of a day when he can be at a piece with a mate by his side, far from the heartaches of daily life, but Silver is at last caught by the hawk, and all seems lost. Her plan will pit him against his own kind to redeem the most fearsome predator the skies have known. Still, his experience with the birds may help him survive this most terrible trial yet.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally story edited along with the two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals. There are occasional allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not preachy. It’s intended the be good clean fun. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a huge influence as well.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
QUERY - Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
When the soft body of seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming morphs overnight into a twenty-something sleek and muscled Nephilim, a new world unveils Colsen never knew existed.
A life of blending into the background of his small high school is no longer an option. During Colsen's first day back after his transformation, girls pine for him and guys throw menacing looks his way, tempting him to fight with sneers of jealousy and whispers of steroid abuse. Colsen becomes angry by the sudden attention. As his anger strengthens, vivid images of hurting the people around him become increasingly powerful.
After school, Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and extreme temperament, offering him insight into his murky past. He learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Colsen's foster brother is kidnapped by his father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save his only brother from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Colsen's brother without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
Click here to read the first revision.
When the soft body of seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming morphs overnight into a twenty-something sleek and muscled Nephilim, a new world unveils Colsen never knew existed.
A life of blending into the background of his small high school is no longer an option. During Colsen's first day back after his transformation, girls pine for him and guys throw menacing looks his way, tempting him to fight with sneers of jealousy and whispers of steroid abuse. Colsen becomes angry by the sudden attention. As his anger strengthens, vivid images of hurting the people around him become increasingly powerful.
After school, Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and extreme temperament, offering him insight into his murky past. He learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Colsen's foster brother is kidnapped by his father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save his only brother from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Colsen's brother without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
Jun 10, 2010
Query- Winter Roses Never Die (fourth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At thirty-four, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider a bit incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the divide this difference is. The Librarian, Sylvia, leans more to the positive and appreciates Jennie's thoughtfulness and integrity. Meanwhile, Helen, the more outspoken of the two, finds Jennie's whimsical, spiritual nature more hard to take. When Jennie announces she has heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met an angelic looking man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it's the strange side of the divide for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man - angelic or otherwise - in the cemetery, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance of the man she has come to know as Charos, lead her to despair. Despite his thorny nature, he was the one person who showed understanding and made her feel special. Only the magical winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' mirky, surreal past; and only her inspirationals provide her with the key to real love - understanding and compassion - which can break the curse of his death-like existence. Both the roses and her inspirationals enable her to realise that while many have come to take blood away for their own benefit, only one came to share it for the benefit of others. The culmination of knowledge imparted to Jennie through her inspired thoughts enables her to tap into the same spiritual power source as that contained in the Holy Blood of scripture and legend.
Winter Roses Never Die combines inspirational and mystic Christianity and paranormal romance in a contemporary but similar manner to Merlin and Nimue and the Holy Grail aspects of the Arthurian Legends. The work is complete at 95,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At thirty-four, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider a bit incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the divide this difference is. The Librarian, Sylvia, leans more to the positive and appreciates Jennie's thoughtfulness and integrity. Meanwhile, Helen, the more outspoken of the two, finds Jennie's whimsical, spiritual nature more hard to take. When Jennie announces she has heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met an angelic looking man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it's the strange side of the divide for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man - angelic or otherwise - in the cemetery, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance of the man she has come to know as Charos, lead her to despair. Despite his thorny nature, he was the one person who showed understanding and made her feel special. Only the magical winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' mirky, surreal past; and only her inspirationals provide her with the key to real love - understanding and compassion - which can break the curse of his death-like existence. Both the roses and her inspirationals enable her to realise that while many have come to take blood away for their own benefit, only one came to share it for the benefit of others. The culmination of knowledge imparted to Jennie through her inspired thoughts enables her to tap into the same spiritual power source as that contained in the Holy Blood of scripture and legend.
Winter Roses Never Die combines inspirational and mystic Christianity and paranormal romance in a contemporary but similar manner to Merlin and Nimue and the Holy Grail aspects of the Arthurian Legends. The work is complete at 95,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
QUERY - Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming has a problem. He won't be able to shield his younger foster brother, Alex, from the drunken attacks of their foster mother when she kicks him out of her house on his eighteenth birthday.
Colsen wants to ensure Alex's safety and broaches the subject of his departure with him while walking home. He upsets the boy and ends up chasing after him into an abandoned alley. As he retrieves Alex, Colsen is attacked by two men and his body morphs into a Nephilim to protect them.
Terrified from murdering the two men, the disappearance of their corpses and the transformation of his body, he returns to the scene of the crime for answers. Once there Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and offers insight into his murky past.
Colsen learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Alex is kidnapped by Colsen's father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save the only brother he has ever known from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Alex without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
Seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming has a problem. He won't be able to shield his younger foster brother, Alex, from the drunken attacks of their foster mother when she kicks him out of her house on his eighteenth birthday.
Colsen wants to ensure Alex's safety and broaches the subject of his departure with him while walking home. He upsets the boy and ends up chasing after him into an abandoned alley. As he retrieves Alex, Colsen is attacked by two men and his body morphs into a Nephilim to protect them.
Terrified from murdering the two men, the disappearance of their corpses and the transformation of his body, he returns to the scene of the crime for answers. Once there Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and offers insight into his murky past.
Colsen learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Alex is kidnapped by Colsen's father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save the only brother he has ever known from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Alex without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
QUERY- REMEMBERING YOU -- women's fiction
Dear Ms. Agent,
Ten years is a long time to live in a self-imposed exile and when Genna’s longing for the familiar turn into nightmares about her future, she realizes it’s time to go home.
Once there, the past comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and his dead wife. Genna’s unresolved feelings for him and what he did a decade ago only twist her heart and lead her down a perilous path. He wants her back and Genna wonders if it’s only for her money.
Coming home has also brought her aunt’s Alzheimer’s to light, something the family refuses to face. Her cousin is falling apart under the strain of a too perfect marriage and her best friend is ignoring her. Genna also finds herself encumbered with an inheritance that threatens to destroy her relationship with her uncle.
What’s a girl to do?
Genna needs to makes some tough decisions regarding her future; does she give up the job of a lifetime and come home to work for peanuts or does she go back and live the same lonely life she’s had for the last decade? And will trying to get over her broken heart lead her to find comfort in the arms of a man she once despised? With the help of the only person who has ever put her first, Genna makes the decisions that will change her life forever.
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words. (I have also added a sentence as to why I chose them as the agent.)
Thank you for your consideration.
Robin
Ten years is a long time to live in a self-imposed exile and when Genna’s longing for the familiar turn into nightmares about her future, she realizes it’s time to go home.
Once there, the past comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and his dead wife. Genna’s unresolved feelings for him and what he did a decade ago only twist her heart and lead her down a perilous path. He wants her back and Genna wonders if it’s only for her money.
Coming home has also brought her aunt’s Alzheimer’s to light, something the family refuses to face. Her cousin is falling apart under the strain of a too perfect marriage and her best friend is ignoring her. Genna also finds herself encumbered with an inheritance that threatens to destroy her relationship with her uncle.
What’s a girl to do?
Genna needs to makes some tough decisions regarding her future; does she give up the job of a lifetime and come home to work for peanuts or does she go back and live the same lonely life she’s had for the last decade? And will trying to get over her broken heart lead her to find comfort in the arms of a man she once despised? With the help of the only person who has ever put her first, Genna makes the decisions that will change her life forever.
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words. (I have also added a sentence as to why I chose them as the agent.)
Thank you for your consideration.
Robin
QUERY- LIFE and BETH latest version.
I've been sending this out there and getting requests, but I keep tweaking it. Now I'm wondering if this last tweak is working.
Seventeen-year-old rocker Beth Collins plays a killer lead guitar, but that's not what's nabbed her a scholarship to the exclusive Hamilton Academy.
It's Beth's other killer talent—the one for causing death.
Beth is a Deathcrafter and Hamilton is no ordinary school. It's a school for the differently Talented—in other words, freaks like Beth.
At Hamilton, Beth learns to cope with loss, attempts to reclaim her dormant muse and falls in in love with a uniquely gifted blind boy. But behind the school's nurturing façade lurks danger. Forced to kill her new boyfriend or risk the loss of everyone else she loves, Beth must come to terms with her own deadly skills—all while facing down a powerful and other-worldly headmistress.
Seventeen-year-old rocker Beth Collins plays a killer lead guitar, but that's not what's nabbed her a scholarship to the exclusive Hamilton Academy.
It's Beth's other killer talent—the one for causing death.
Beth is a Deathcrafter and Hamilton is no ordinary school. It's a school for the differently Talented—in other words, freaks like Beth.
At Hamilton, Beth learns to cope with loss, attempts to reclaim her dormant muse and falls in in love with a uniquely gifted blind boy. But behind the school's nurturing façade lurks danger. Forced to kill her new boyfriend or risk the loss of everyone else she loves, Beth must come to terms with her own deadly skills—all while facing down a powerful and other-worldly headmistress.
Jun 9, 2010
Query- Bait (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Nothing was more important to Aubrey than gaining her freedom, but the one man who could give it to her was the last man on Earth she could trust.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister, Savannah. Three years behind bars has left her with a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey, and he realizes immediately that not only was she wrongfully convicted, she was likely Sandman’s intended victim the night her sister was murdered. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi hates using Aubrey as bait, but knows it’s the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Nothing was more important to Aubrey than gaining her freedom, but the one man who could give it to her was the last man on Earth she could trust.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister, Savannah. Three years behind bars has left her with a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey, and he realizes immediately that not only was she wrongfully convicted, she was likely Sandman’s intended victim the night her sister was murdered. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi hates using Aubrey as bait, but knows it’s the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Jun 8, 2010
Query- Winter Roses Never Die
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At 34 years old, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. She's not religious or mentally challenged, but she is a little of what she seeks in the wonderful and strange. Her shy, spiritual, over-imaginative, child-like persona makes her appear eccentric, masking her kind nature and strong integrity. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the wonderful and strange scale she's on. When Jennie announces she's heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met a gorgeous man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it is the the strange end of the scale for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man, gorgeous or otherwise, in the cemetery where Jennie claimed they're always to be found, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance from the cemetery of the man she has come to know as Charos, bring Jennie into despair. Despite his thorny nature, Charos had shown more understanding for her spiritual, imaginative nature than anyone else, and Jennie had begun to believe he was the Prince Charming she had always dreamt of meeting. Gradually, her inspirationals lead her into a more positive understanding of people and life, and the optimism and courage these inspirationals give enable her to win the admiration of Sylvia and Helen and even the elusive and potentially dangerous Charos. Her unfailing love and support enables him to see her worth and helps free him from his cursed existence. But only the winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' surreal past and inspire her to fully understand the reasons for his misdeeds and how he now suffers because of them. She also realises that even though there have been many to take blood away, there has only ever been One who came to give it, and whose words - like the magical roses - will never die.
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance of approximately 95,000 words which also combines elements of inspirational Christianity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At 34 years old, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. She's not religious or mentally challenged, but she is a little of what she seeks in the wonderful and strange. Her shy, spiritual, over-imaginative, child-like persona makes her appear eccentric, masking her kind nature and strong integrity. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the wonderful and strange scale she's on. When Jennie announces she's heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met a gorgeous man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it is the the strange end of the scale for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man, gorgeous or otherwise, in the cemetery where Jennie claimed they're always to be found, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance from the cemetery of the man she has come to know as Charos, bring Jennie into despair. Despite his thorny nature, Charos had shown more understanding for her spiritual, imaginative nature than anyone else, and Jennie had begun to believe he was the Prince Charming she had always dreamt of meeting. Gradually, her inspirationals lead her into a more positive understanding of people and life, and the optimism and courage these inspirationals give enable her to win the admiration of Sylvia and Helen and even the elusive and potentially dangerous Charos. Her unfailing love and support enables him to see her worth and helps free him from his cursed existence. But only the winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' surreal past and inspire her to fully understand the reasons for his misdeeds and how he now suffers because of them. She also realises that even though there have been many to take blood away, there has only ever been One who came to give it, and whose words - like the magical roses - will never die.
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance of approximately 95,000 words which also combines elements of inspirational Christianity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 7, 2010
Query-A Troll Wife's Tale
Dear agent (snip name)
I took stock of my injuries. I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. Being a tooth fairy shouldn't be this hard.
So opens my 95,000 word urban fantasy novel, A Troll Wife's Tale.
When Troll Wife first becomes a tooth fairy, all she can see are the good things. She has a steady job. She's making friends. Best of all are the tooth fairy wings and flying.
After a few days, she starts to see the problems. She's racking up an impressive number of on the job injuries. Her friends only accept her because they can't tell she's a troll while she's wearing the wings. The wings take away her troll ability to smell a person's character and emotions.
She notices that going even a day without wearing the wings makes her irritable. Are the wings addictive? If so, why?
It seems that tooth fairies also have enemies. Oubliette, the most efficient soldier in the human/fae war hundreds of years ago, hasn't given up fighting the war against the humans.
Tooth fairies keep the peace pact with humans and Oubliette wants to end that pact. Oubliette seems determined to convince Troll Wife of the dangers of humans. If Oubliette is right, is the peace pact actually destroying all the fae?
When a homeless boy that Troll Wife has befriended loses his first tooth, Troll Wife has to make sure he keeps the pact before Oubliette catches up to him.
(snip reason I'm submitting to this agent)
I took stock of my injuries. I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. Being a tooth fairy shouldn't be this hard.
So opens my 95,000 word urban fantasy novel, A Troll Wife's Tale.
When Troll Wife first becomes a tooth fairy, all she can see are the good things. She has a steady job. She's making friends. Best of all are the tooth fairy wings and flying.
After a few days, she starts to see the problems. She's racking up an impressive number of on the job injuries. Her friends only accept her because they can't tell she's a troll while she's wearing the wings. The wings take away her troll ability to smell a person's character and emotions.
She notices that going even a day without wearing the wings makes her irritable. Are the wings addictive? If so, why?
It seems that tooth fairies also have enemies. Oubliette, the most efficient soldier in the human/fae war hundreds of years ago, hasn't given up fighting the war against the humans.
Tooth fairies keep the peace pact with humans and Oubliette wants to end that pact. Oubliette seems determined to convince Troll Wife of the dangers of humans. If Oubliette is right, is the peace pact actually destroying all the fae?
When a homeless boy that Troll Wife has befriended loses his first tooth, Troll Wife has to make sure he keeps the pact before Oubliette catches up to him.
(snip reason I'm submitting to this agent)
Jun 6, 2010
Query - Bait
Nothing was more important to Aubrey than gaining her freedom, but the one man who could give it to her was the last man on Earth she could trust.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until one tragic night took everything away from her. Wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister Savannah, she's spent the last three years behind bars nurturing a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey and he realizes immediately that he's found the key to finally stopping this madman. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi is reluctant to use Aubrey as bait but knows it's the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
Joining forces, Levi and Aubrey fight attraction, then for their lives when everything goes according to Levi's plan and Sandman finally comes.
A Stanford University graduate with a degree in Psychology, I've researched extensively, spending time in Louisiana and visiting the actual prison that the heroine of the story is sentenced to. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I’m currently employed as a Senior Project / Account Manager. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until one tragic night took everything away from her. Wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister Savannah, she's spent the last three years behind bars nurturing a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey and he realizes immediately that he's found the key to finally stopping this madman. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi is reluctant to use Aubrey as bait but knows it's the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
Joining forces, Levi and Aubrey fight attraction, then for their lives when everything goes according to Levi's plan and Sandman finally comes.
A Stanford University graduate with a degree in Psychology, I've researched extensively, spending time in Louisiana and visiting the actual prison that the heroine of the story is sentenced to. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I’m currently employed as a Senior Project / Account Manager. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Query: House Dreams
I am writing to introduce my novel, House Dreams, for your consideration.
House Dreams is a work of women’s fiction about mothers and daughters, and about the sometimes destructive power of the imagination.
The main character, Lillian, is a home health aide who has built her career around choosing assignments that allow her to live briefly in the houses of people much wealthier than herself. Her devotion is lavished on the houses she can pretend are hers for the duration of her stay, while her care for her patients is chilly and efficient.
As the novel opens, Lillian arrives at a new house, inhabited by a demanding, bed-ridden elderly woman, Ellen Whitmore. But this house is different: from the moment she arrives, Lillian finds the house and everything in it strangely familiar. As the days go by, she is drawn deeper into her fantasy of possessing the house.
The arrival of Ellen’s daughter and teenage granddaughter is an unwelcome interruption for Lillian. Ellen and her daughter, Carlotta, have been estranged since Carlotta’s marriage, and Ellen has never met her granddaughter, Maggie. Carlotta’s relationship with Ellen remains remote but Maggie is entranced by her grandmother’s stories of her youth. Maggie also tries to befriend Lillian, although Lillian is irritated by Maggie’s mannerisms, intrusiveness and aura of privilege.
Life for the four women settles into a routine of fragile alliances until a sudden crisis in Ellen’s health forces Lillian to realize that the imaginary home and family she has built for herself are necessarily impermanent: Ellen is failing, and Carlotta and Maggie will be leaving in time for Maggie to start school in the fall. Lillian will have to return to her life of brief sojourns in other people’s houses.
Carlotta and Ellen have several confrontations about Carlotta’s marriage and about Carlotta’s unhappy childhood. As her relationship with Carlotta deteriorates, Ellen starts to hint that she may leave the house to Lillian. Ellen is hoping for Lillian’s attention and loyalty, but that temptation, and her passion for the house, lead Lillian down a very different, and dangerous, path.
House Dreams is my first novel. Portions of my first book, a short story collection, have appeared in Kalliope and PMS, and in the anthology Prompted. I have had other short fiction published on line. I am currently at work on my second novel.
House Dreams is a work of women’s fiction about mothers and daughters, and about the sometimes destructive power of the imagination.
The main character, Lillian, is a home health aide who has built her career around choosing assignments that allow her to live briefly in the houses of people much wealthier than herself. Her devotion is lavished on the houses she can pretend are hers for the duration of her stay, while her care for her patients is chilly and efficient.
As the novel opens, Lillian arrives at a new house, inhabited by a demanding, bed-ridden elderly woman, Ellen Whitmore. But this house is different: from the moment she arrives, Lillian finds the house and everything in it strangely familiar. As the days go by, she is drawn deeper into her fantasy of possessing the house.
The arrival of Ellen’s daughter and teenage granddaughter is an unwelcome interruption for Lillian. Ellen and her daughter, Carlotta, have been estranged since Carlotta’s marriage, and Ellen has never met her granddaughter, Maggie. Carlotta’s relationship with Ellen remains remote but Maggie is entranced by her grandmother’s stories of her youth. Maggie also tries to befriend Lillian, although Lillian is irritated by Maggie’s mannerisms, intrusiveness and aura of privilege.
Life for the four women settles into a routine of fragile alliances until a sudden crisis in Ellen’s health forces Lillian to realize that the imaginary home and family she has built for herself are necessarily impermanent: Ellen is failing, and Carlotta and Maggie will be leaving in time for Maggie to start school in the fall. Lillian will have to return to her life of brief sojourns in other people’s houses.
Carlotta and Ellen have several confrontations about Carlotta’s marriage and about Carlotta’s unhappy childhood. As her relationship with Carlotta deteriorates, Ellen starts to hint that she may leave the house to Lillian. Ellen is hoping for Lillian’s attention and loyalty, but that temptation, and her passion for the house, lead Lillian down a very different, and dangerous, path.
House Dreams is my first novel. Portions of my first book, a short story collection, have appeared in Kalliope and PMS, and in the anthology Prompted. I have had other short fiction published on line. I am currently at work on my second novel.
Query - Silver Squirrel and the Crucible of Silver
Silver Squirrel realized that the hawk was planning something terrible for him, ever since she attacked his friend Morning, the crow, and left her in his care.
This relationship he had with the crows got him in a lot of trouble, with the community, with his girlfriend, and now with the hawk.
His plan to save the community was a good one, but somehow it all went wrong. Now lives are shattered, and here he is, caught in the hawk's talons. Why didn't she kill him? Silver could only wonder.
"Our leg bones lock into place. That's how we sleep while perched," the hawk said. "I could die of old age and rot, and you still won't escape my grip."
The hawk is a smart one, but Silver's experience with the birds might help, if he can only put together the pieces of the puzzle before it's too late.
Silver Squirrel and the Crucible of Silver is a coming of age novel completed at 75,000 words. Two additional Silver Squirrel novels are also completed.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in special effects for film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
This relationship he had with the crows got him in a lot of trouble, with the community, with his girlfriend, and now with the hawk.
His plan to save the community was a good one, but somehow it all went wrong. Now lives are shattered, and here he is, caught in the hawk's talons. Why didn't she kill him? Silver could only wonder.
"Our leg bones lock into place. That's how we sleep while perched," the hawk said. "I could die of old age and rot, and you still won't escape my grip."
The hawk is a smart one, but Silver's experience with the birds might help, if he can only put together the pieces of the puzzle before it's too late.
Silver Squirrel and the Crucible of Silver is a coming of age novel completed at 75,000 words. Two additional Silver Squirrel novels are also completed.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in special effects for film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - A Tale of Youth and Sorrow (revised!)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear X:
I visited AGENCY NAME's website and noticed that you are interested in YA and fantasy projects. A Tale of Youth and Sorrow, my 53,400-word novel, might interest you.
Traumatized by the death of her mother two years prior, twelve-year-old Potioneer Minette Bublee would like nothing more than the approval of her guardian, the master thief, Ilona Njis. Then one day, Minette saves the life of a victim of a brutal beating, one who utters to her one name in warning: Belphelial. It is a name that spurs Ilona to explode with unprecedented viciousness, shattering Minette’s faith in their friendship, and hurtling the thief down a path of self-destruction. In a race to save Ilona from herself, Minette unwittingly draws the attention of arcane forces, permitting her a glimpse into her world’s tumultuous history through the eyes of a tortured young Priestess – Ilona, in a former life. Minette will not only confront the ancient demon, Belphelial, himself, but come face to face with an even greater evil; the sole reason for Ilona’s demise. With the horrors of their past threatening to tear them apart, both friends will voyage through time to unlock the secrets of a power greater than any magic, the only power that can save them: love.
Five of my short stories were published in Malate Literary Folio (De La Salle University, Philippines) between 1997 and 2002, one of which won second place in my university's 1999 Literary Awards. A member of Writing.com, I received the 2007 WDC Wonderfuls Award for outstanding writing.
I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely yours,
Michael Cunanan Logarta
Dear X:
I visited AGENCY NAME's website and noticed that you are interested in YA and fantasy projects. A Tale of Youth and Sorrow, my 53,400-word novel, might interest you.
Traumatized by the death of her mother two years prior, twelve-year-old Potioneer Minette Bublee would like nothing more than the approval of her guardian, the master thief, Ilona Njis. Then one day, Minette saves the life of a victim of a brutal beating, one who utters to her one name in warning: Belphelial. It is a name that spurs Ilona to explode with unprecedented viciousness, shattering Minette’s faith in their friendship, and hurtling the thief down a path of self-destruction. In a race to save Ilona from herself, Minette unwittingly draws the attention of arcane forces, permitting her a glimpse into her world’s tumultuous history through the eyes of a tortured young Priestess – Ilona, in a former life. Minette will not only confront the ancient demon, Belphelial, himself, but come face to face with an even greater evil; the sole reason for Ilona’s demise. With the horrors of their past threatening to tear them apart, both friends will voyage through time to unlock the secrets of a power greater than any magic, the only power that can save them: love.
Five of my short stories were published in Malate Literary Folio (De La Salle University, Philippines) between 1997 and 2002, one of which won second place in my university's 1999 Literary Awards. A member of Writing.com, I received the 2007 WDC Wonderfuls Award for outstanding writing.
I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely yours,
Michael Cunanan Logarta
Jun 5, 2010
Query- The Spinner's Wheel (revised)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Dear Agent,
When Valerius Anaxandros time travels from his home on the Planet Elledra to Earth he faces espionage, intrigue and surprise attacks. As Elledra’s chosen Time Rider it’s just part of his job description.
The Watchers, a group of men and women on Earth who think that time travel is an abomination, are always willing to help him into the next life, but Valerius’s most recent encounter is not with one of the Watchers, but with a scarred face man who knows what he is.
Valerius’s problems don’t end there. His niece, fifteen year old Sara Gallager, a genetically gifted time traveler, needs to be relocated from her home in the United States to Elledra to be trained. Valerius finds himself overseeing her training while dealing with Crassius Atrapes, the man he met earlier, who turns out to be a rogue time traveler from 40B.C. who wants to wrest control of Rome from Julius Caesar and rule as Emperor.
When Crassius goes back in time to recruit two of Earths great warriors, Hannibal of Carthage from 207 B.C and Cassivellaunus of Britannia from 50 B.C, Valerius must act to preserve the true history of Earth which he is sworn to protect.
If he doesn’t succeed, Earth as we know it will be changed forever.
The Spinner’s Wheel, is a Fantasy/Science Fiction novel complete at 75,000 words.
Thanks for taking the time to consider my submission.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Sincerely,
K.D.Vassall
Dear Agent,
When Valerius Anaxandros time travels from his home on the Planet Elledra to Earth he faces espionage, intrigue and surprise attacks. As Elledra’s chosen Time Rider it’s just part of his job description.
The Watchers, a group of men and women on Earth who think that time travel is an abomination, are always willing to help him into the next life, but Valerius’s most recent encounter is not with one of the Watchers, but with a scarred face man who knows what he is.
Valerius’s problems don’t end there. His niece, fifteen year old Sara Gallager, a genetically gifted time traveler, needs to be relocated from her home in the United States to Elledra to be trained. Valerius finds himself overseeing her training while dealing with Crassius Atrapes, the man he met earlier, who turns out to be a rogue time traveler from 40B.C. who wants to wrest control of Rome from Julius Caesar and rule as Emperor.
When Crassius goes back in time to recruit two of Earths great warriors, Hannibal of Carthage from 207 B.C and Cassivellaunus of Britannia from 50 B.C, Valerius must act to preserve the true history of Earth which he is sworn to protect.
If he doesn’t succeed, Earth as we know it will be changed forever.
The Spinner’s Wheel, is a Fantasy/Science Fiction novel complete at 75,000 words.
Thanks for taking the time to consider my submission.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Sincerely,
K.D.Vassall
Jun 1, 2010
Contest Alert!
And not the kind of no-prize experiments I put on here at the Slushpile. Agent extraordinaire Nathan Bransford is hosting a contest with very cool prizes. If you can write the most compelling chase and/or action and/or suspense sequence (in 500 words or less), you can win!
Check out this post for details...
Check out this post for details...
Query Me This...Discussion Thread
Thanks to everyone who submitted a query and sample pages for our QUERY ME THIS experiment. Some comments are starting to come through, I hope they keep coming during the week. I'm going to hold off on posting new queries until Saturday, June 5 (feel free to submit them, though).
Remember, all queries and sample pages were requested to follow this prompt:
Our protagonist has found evidence that the government is being lured into war. If the country engages in the conflict abroad, its military will not be able to deal with an imminent invasion by a rival nation. The problem is that the source of the information is a double-agent, and our protagonist is being set up to cause the war he/she is trying to prevent.
Many thanks to the writers who so quickly put together entries. There are several that would make very interesting books, hopefully you will continue with the stories.
Here are quick links to the 10 entries. Each entry post has been updated with a link back to this discussion thread. Please provide specific feedback for an entry on its post, and use the comments on this post for a general discussion on the experiment as a whole:
- Age of Steel and Stone
- Blood Lines
- In Darker Times
- Lions and Tigers and Bears
- On Her Majesty's Special Service
- Star of Aurora
- The Incantata
- The Next Attack
- The Spy I Loved
- Third Daughter
Here are my main questions regarding the experiment. Please ask your own in the comments, and let's get the discussion rolling:
- Some entries followed the prompt more closely than others, but even given the common plot elements, all entries are unique. Each writer's voice and imagination brings life to the story. Are you afraid of other people stealing your ideas, or does this help demonstrate that it's all about the execution?
- There are a few comments along the lines of "If I were an agent, I would request this..." What does it say about writing queries vs. novels when some people can craft a great query without a novel to back it up?
- As a follow-up to the previous question, even though several entries showed a promising opening, what are the chances the writer can screw it all up in the next 59,000 words? There's a long way to go for any of these stories to be publishable, however promising they may seem...
Remember, all queries and sample pages were requested to follow this prompt:
Our protagonist has found evidence that the government is being lured into war. If the country engages in the conflict abroad, its military will not be able to deal with an imminent invasion by a rival nation. The problem is that the source of the information is a double-agent, and our protagonist is being set up to cause the war he/she is trying to prevent.
Many thanks to the writers who so quickly put together entries. There are several that would make very interesting books, hopefully you will continue with the stories.
Here are quick links to the 10 entries. Each entry post has been updated with a link back to this discussion thread. Please provide specific feedback for an entry on its post, and use the comments on this post for a general discussion on the experiment as a whole:
- Age of Steel and Stone
- Blood Lines
- In Darker Times
- Lions and Tigers and Bears
- On Her Majesty's Special Service
- Star of Aurora
- The Incantata
- The Next Attack
- The Spy I Loved
- Third Daughter
Here are my main questions regarding the experiment. Please ask your own in the comments, and let's get the discussion rolling:
- Some entries followed the prompt more closely than others, but even given the common plot elements, all entries are unique. Each writer's voice and imagination brings life to the story. Are you afraid of other people stealing your ideas, or does this help demonstrate that it's all about the execution?
- There are a few comments along the lines of "If I were an agent, I would request this..." What does it say about writing queries vs. novels when some people can craft a great query without a novel to back it up?
- As a follow-up to the previous question, even though several entries showed a promising opening, what are the chances the writer can screw it all up in the next 59,000 words? There's a long way to go for any of these stories to be publishable, however promising they may seem...
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