Click here to read the original query.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
Jul 6, 2010
Jul 5, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Silver Strand (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Jul 3, 2010
Query: The Silver Strand
Dear [Agent],
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Jul 2, 2010
QUERY- BEAUTY FOR ASHES (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Jul 1, 2010
Query Revision: Beauty for Ashes
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.
Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Dear [Agent],
After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.
Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Query- Kiromen
In the book, Kiromen, when spicy and sarcastic Chidrow Annabel Martins finds out that her supposedly long life love was dumping her to pursue his artistic dreams in the Empire State of Mind- New York, an utter series of depressions is straight on its way. Chidrow believes that nothing would ever be the same for her again. But everything changes when the mysterious Stephen Austin James runs into her life and changes the way she looks at the world.
The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.
From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.
Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.
My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.
From,
Me.
The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.
From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.
Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.
My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.
From,
Me.
Query- Liquid Smoke
Twenty-one-year-old Jenna Reece is the most supernaturally protected person on the planet. And she has no idea why.
When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.
After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.
Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.
When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.
My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.
Cordially,
Julie Huerta
When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.
After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.
Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.
When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.
My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.
Cordially,
Julie Huerta
Query- Back To Me (rewrite)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent]:
Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.
Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.
It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.
It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.
BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.
I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
[Name]
[Contact Info]
Dear [Agent]:
Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.
Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.
It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.
It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.
BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.
I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
[Name]
[Contact Info]
Jun 30, 2010
Query: The Rain Legacy (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Nothing good has ever come of Lynette always breaking her continent’s rules-- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister and steals away to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. Due to her ancestry, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle and defend the Goddess Arydne’s land. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman, or he’s got the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Nothing good has ever come of Lynette always breaking her continent’s rules-- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister and steals away to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. Due to her ancestry, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle and defend the Goddess Arydne’s land. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman, or he’s got the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 29, 2010
QUERY- A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
HERE IS THE DRAFT QUERY OF A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH. Thank you for your comments they were really helpful and showed me things I never realised. Oh sorry for that, there are paragraphs I seemed to have forgotten. I have realized the bad thing on commenting on other books, thank you for that insight.
I hope this now ‘shows’ rather than telling.
Dear Agent,
A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.
Rosario Vinros is a hopeful girl waiting for the “climax” of her life to arrive. She is alive because she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is one way to die, there is however chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from. The problem is Daniel Heath Forsyth is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in the Catholic school to be his company, and no one seems to understand why. His plans get ruined when he realizes that he has fallen for the girl. He finds it possible to turn in to a human owing to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the virus to infect him, but three vampires have already died of it and he runs a high risk of dying too. Though everyone is going back for vaccination he chooses to risk everything.
Sadly, Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone she is obliged to marry and in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel part ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders what may come of her life and through this road she learns about the values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
Click here to read the first revision.
HERE IS THE DRAFT QUERY OF A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH. Thank you for your comments they were really helpful and showed me things I never realised. Oh sorry for that, there are paragraphs I seemed to have forgotten. I have realized the bad thing on commenting on other books, thank you for that insight.
I hope this now ‘shows’ rather than telling.
Dear Agent,
A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.
Rosario Vinros is a hopeful girl waiting for the “climax” of her life to arrive. She is alive because she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is one way to die, there is however chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from. The problem is Daniel Heath Forsyth is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in the Catholic school to be his company, and no one seems to understand why. His plans get ruined when he realizes that he has fallen for the girl. He finds it possible to turn in to a human owing to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the virus to infect him, but three vampires have already died of it and he runs a high risk of dying too. Though everyone is going back for vaccination he chooses to risk everything.
Sadly, Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone she is obliged to marry and in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel part ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders what may come of her life and through this road she learns about the values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
Query - Back to Me
Dear Agent,
Jake Bailey is Kate Dalton’s boomerang love, the person from the famous Richard Bach quote who comes back when you set them free. Unfortunately for Kate, good ole Richard never said anything about what it meant when this scenario happened over and over again.
No matter how many times Kate let Jake fly free into the world, he always came back when she least expected it. She’d try to move on with someone new only to come home from a wonderful date to find Jake on her doorstep. One look at those twinkling green eyes and that boyish grin and she couldn’t help but remember she loved him.
Now it’s been eight years since they first met and Kate finds herself faced with the realization that Jake won’t be coming back this time. As she reflects on their time together, she’s torn between the empty ache in her chest and the chance to start fresh with someone new. Can Kate learn how to say goodbye to someone she’s not certain she can live without?
"Back to Me" is a completed 80,000 word women’s fiction manuscript.
I am a [occupation] and soon-to-be published author. My nonfiction book [Title Redacted] is due out with [Publishing Company] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known publication] in their [name of section], and have been published by a leading journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [certain topics]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours truly,
[Hopeful Fiction Author]
Jake Bailey is Kate Dalton’s boomerang love, the person from the famous Richard Bach quote who comes back when you set them free. Unfortunately for Kate, good ole Richard never said anything about what it meant when this scenario happened over and over again.
No matter how many times Kate let Jake fly free into the world, he always came back when she least expected it. She’d try to move on with someone new only to come home from a wonderful date to find Jake on her doorstep. One look at those twinkling green eyes and that boyish grin and she couldn’t help but remember she loved him.
Now it’s been eight years since they first met and Kate finds herself faced with the realization that Jake won’t be coming back this time. As she reflects on their time together, she’s torn between the empty ache in her chest and the chance to start fresh with someone new. Can Kate learn how to say goodbye to someone she’s not certain she can live without?
"Back to Me" is a completed 80,000 word women’s fiction manuscript.
I am a [occupation] and soon-to-be published author. My nonfiction book [Title Redacted] is due out with [Publishing Company] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known publication] in their [name of section], and have been published by a leading journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [certain topics]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours truly,
[Hopeful Fiction Author]
QUERY: LYNETTE RAIN: THE RAIN LEGACY
Dear [Agent],
Lynette’s never benefitted from constantly breaking the rules set down by the strict religious Continent of Arydnea- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her father, but she grabs her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away in the night to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t keep running forever. As the female descendant of a hero of the Goddess, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is the king’s best friend, or he’s got the royal army with him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette’s going to up the playing field.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, then the feeling’s mutual.
LYNETTE WALKER: THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000 word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely
[My name]
Lynette’s never benefitted from constantly breaking the rules set down by the strict religious Continent of Arydnea- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her father, but she grabs her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away in the night to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t keep running forever. As the female descendant of a hero of the Goddess, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is the king’s best friend, or he’s got the royal army with him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette’s going to up the playing field.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, then the feeling’s mutual.
LYNETTE WALKER: THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000 word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely
[My name]
Jun 28, 2010
Query for Beauty for Ashes
(note: this is a from-scratch version of a query I've been working on for weeks.)
Dear [Agent],
Jonathan Douglas wants to die. After wasting years of his life serving God, he is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into the alcohol that deadens his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze just isn’t enough to stave off the torment of his existence. Plans on how to get it done are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she propositions him, he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up in bed with the prostitute, and the proverbial scales fall from his eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
Second chances are seldom deserved, and John is astounded when he finds love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
Weaving the stories of three distinct characters together, BEAUTY FOR ASHES places the reader directly into the minds of its characters through first person narratives, allowing them to listen to their heart-cries and personal prayer lives.
This contemporary novel, standing at approximately 93,000 words, fits within the General Christian Fiction genre.
Key Selling Points
• The complicated connections between John, April, and Jenni set this story apart from most other books in the genre- it’s a triangle dominated by a different kind of Love.
• The first-person narratives, from each of the three main characters, allow the reader to identify with all sides of the unfolding story.
• The story does not end with John’s repentance and everything tied up in a pretty bow. It asks the question: “What happens after the prodigal returns home and the celebration has ended?” John must still deal with the profound consequences of his sin, and its effect on those around him. This is a powerful truth for the Christian which is sometimes ignored in our fiction.
This is a simultaneous query. Per your submission guidelines I have included the full synopsis and three sample chapters below. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Dear [Agent],
Jonathan Douglas wants to die. After wasting years of his life serving God, he is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into the alcohol that deadens his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze just isn’t enough to stave off the torment of his existence. Plans on how to get it done are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she propositions him, he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up in bed with the prostitute, and the proverbial scales fall from his eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
Second chances are seldom deserved, and John is astounded when he finds love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
Weaving the stories of three distinct characters together, BEAUTY FOR ASHES places the reader directly into the minds of its characters through first person narratives, allowing them to listen to their heart-cries and personal prayer lives.
This contemporary novel, standing at approximately 93,000 words, fits within the General Christian Fiction genre.
Key Selling Points
• The complicated connections between John, April, and Jenni set this story apart from most other books in the genre- it’s a triangle dominated by a different kind of Love.
• The first-person narratives, from each of the three main characters, allow the reader to identify with all sides of the unfolding story.
• The story does not end with John’s repentance and everything tied up in a pretty bow. It asks the question: “What happens after the prodigal returns home and the celebration has ended?” John must still deal with the profound consequences of his sin, and its effect on those around him. This is a powerful truth for the Christian which is sometimes ignored in our fiction.
This is a simultaneous query. Per your submission guidelines I have included the full synopsis and three sample chapters below. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle
QUERY: LIFE FIRST
Strong-willed Kelsey Reed must escape tonight, or tomorrow her government will take one of her kidneys for someone else.
My 84,000 word dystopian thriller, Life First, is set150 years after a pandemic has wiped out 90 percent of the world’s population. Where Kelsey lives, society values life above all else. But, 23-year-old Kelsey bucks convention by refusing to give up her kidney to a stranger.
Kelsey has two things in her favor: (1) if she can escape to a neighboring country, she can keep her kidney; and (2) she’s got her boyfriend Luke and a dubious doctor to help her flee. The bad news is, if Kelsey doesn’t escape undetected, her government will convict her of failing to donate. The sentence: death through life-saving — forced donation of a heart, a lung, liver, pancreas, and whatever other useful parts the government can harvest.
My writing experience includes two years as a reporter at the [PUBLICATION REDACTED] and eight years reporting and editing for various trade publications, including [PUBLICATIONS REDACTED].
Per your submission instructions, I have enclosed the first XX pages of Life First. If you’re interested in seeing more, I’d be glad to send you the complete manuscript.
MYNAMEHERE
My 84,000 word dystopian thriller, Life First, is set150 years after a pandemic has wiped out 90 percent of the world’s population. Where Kelsey lives, society values life above all else. But, 23-year-old Kelsey bucks convention by refusing to give up her kidney to a stranger.
Kelsey has two things in her favor: (1) if she can escape to a neighboring country, she can keep her kidney; and (2) she’s got her boyfriend Luke and a dubious doctor to help her flee. The bad news is, if Kelsey doesn’t escape undetected, her government will convict her of failing to donate. The sentence: death through life-saving — forced donation of a heart, a lung, liver, pancreas, and whatever other useful parts the government can harvest.
My writing experience includes two years as a reporter at the [PUBLICATION REDACTED] and eight years reporting and editing for various trade publications, including [PUBLICATIONS REDACTED].
Per your submission instructions, I have enclosed the first XX pages of Life First. If you’re interested in seeing more, I’d be glad to send you the complete manuscript.
MYNAMEHERE
Jun 25, 2010
QUERY: A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
NOTE: I AM AN ASPIRING WRITER AND I FIND THIS QUITE INTERESTING TO PARTICIPATE IN, AND WOULD ADMIRE THE FEEDBACK. THANK YOU.
Dear Agent,
I found your website upon looking for representation of Young Adult, and having gone through your list of books I feel that mine fits in. I am hereby requesting for representation of my complete manuscript entitled A Rose and an Amaranth of 115,000 words, which is Young Adult fiction and it is a first in a planned series.
This manuscript consists of a creative history to the origination of vampires that is not found in the cliché yet excellent vampire craze novels; it has its own world and functions. It tackles the relationship between a teenage girl (who is about to transform) and a vampire (who is unaware of the girl's nature, and yearns to be human so he may prove himself worthy of her love) but both face a challenge as each tries to keep up with their very different worlds. They both come to realize that she is betrothed to someone else, and infidelity is not taken lightly in his world. This is an interracial love story with a supernatural twist.
It has diary entries from the vampire for readers to learn about its world and how it is run today, and what troubles modern-day vampires face. In addition, minor characters give notes and details of the epidemic history of vampires, their culture and customs. And through this, the main character, an 18yr old girl (Rosario Ntombi Vinros) learns about the pains of love, and to keep her social life normal while also having to keep to obligations even at her most volatile state. There is a different side to being a vampire that no one ever knew.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
NOTE: I AM AN ASPIRING WRITER AND I FIND THIS QUITE INTERESTING TO PARTICIPATE IN, AND WOULD ADMIRE THE FEEDBACK. THANK YOU.
Dear Agent,
I found your website upon looking for representation of Young Adult, and having gone through your list of books I feel that mine fits in. I am hereby requesting for representation of my complete manuscript entitled A Rose and an Amaranth of 115,000 words, which is Young Adult fiction and it is a first in a planned series.
This manuscript consists of a creative history to the origination of vampires that is not found in the cliché yet excellent vampire craze novels; it has its own world and functions. It tackles the relationship between a teenage girl (who is about to transform) and a vampire (who is unaware of the girl's nature, and yearns to be human so he may prove himself worthy of her love) but both face a challenge as each tries to keep up with their very different worlds. They both come to realize that she is betrothed to someone else, and infidelity is not taken lightly in his world. This is an interracial love story with a supernatural twist.
It has diary entries from the vampire for readers to learn about its world and how it is run today, and what troubles modern-day vampires face. In addition, minor characters give notes and details of the epidemic history of vampires, their culture and customs. And through this, the main character, an 18yr old girl (Rosario Ntombi Vinros) learns about the pains of love, and to keep her social life normal while also having to keep to obligations even at her most volatile state. There is a different side to being a vampire that no one ever knew.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
Jun 24, 2010
QUERY - Dead Meat
Dear Agent:
In my thriller Dead Meat, Gil Becker just wants to be left alone in the abandoned brewery he calls home so he can perfect his beer recipe, but the guys who blew up the newest hotel and casino on the Las Vegas Strip didn’t get the memo. That’s when the call came in. His day job. Yeah, driving a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham sounds glamorous, but that’s just his cover.
See, Becker kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. That’s how Becker ends up driving the Ham-ster to Vegas just in time to get shot at by an old buddy of his from the FBI who’s working for the other team. Why he goes to Colombia to get intentionally abducted by the revolutionaries who’ve taken credit for the bombing, just so he can have a little chat with their reclusive leader.
But then the bad guys try to kill Becker in his own brewery. Well, technically it belongs to the IRS, but thanks to some sleight of hand they think it belongs to Homeland Security, who believes they transferred it to the CIA, who doesn’t care. Not the point. They came into his home, and now he’s mad. Becker recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve picked a fight with their own country to keep the gravy train rolling, and Becker is the one man standing in their way.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the 2007 ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
In my thriller Dead Meat, Gil Becker just wants to be left alone in the abandoned brewery he calls home so he can perfect his beer recipe, but the guys who blew up the newest hotel and casino on the Las Vegas Strip didn’t get the memo. That’s when the call came in. His day job. Yeah, driving a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham sounds glamorous, but that’s just his cover.
See, Becker kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. That’s how Becker ends up driving the Ham-ster to Vegas just in time to get shot at by an old buddy of his from the FBI who’s working for the other team. Why he goes to Colombia to get intentionally abducted by the revolutionaries who’ve taken credit for the bombing, just so he can have a little chat with their reclusive leader.
But then the bad guys try to kill Becker in his own brewery. Well, technically it belongs to the IRS, but thanks to some sleight of hand they think it belongs to Homeland Security, who believes they transferred it to the CIA, who doesn’t care. Not the point. They came into his home, and now he’s mad. Becker recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve picked a fight with their own country to keep the gravy train rolling, and Becker is the one man standing in their way.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the 2007 ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
Synopsis- Crucible of Silver
Click here to read revision 3 of the query.
Hi all. It was a lot to post, so this was intended to go with ver. 3 of the "Crucible of Silver" query:
Crucible of Silver
Synopsis
Silver Squirrel is enjoying a day of fun and games when he meets Sandy Brown, the daughter of one of the squirrel leaders. Silver is terribly timid. He’s had a hard and lonely first year of life and he hasn’t learned social skills. He even unwittingly embarrasses Sandy by implying that she has flees. She leaves red-faced, but he knows he likes her a lot.
A fire sweeps the forest. There are questions as to why all of a sudden, the woods have burst into flames, and Sandy is told to lie about it by her mother.
Silver reluctantly joins the colony, forced out of their homes. As the squirrels resettle, Silver takes refuge in the Lodge where he grew up. This is the home of Jacob, his old mentor. Here, he begins to form an emotional relationship with Sandy, but he’s restless, disquieted by ghosts from his past and a need to prove himself. He chooses rather to head out into the unknown where he finds that he feels more alone than ever.
An unusual friendship grows out of a chance encounter with a crow named Crackle, and this is the beginning of a number of schemes that the crows come up with. Deep down, his heart is pining away for Sandy.
Silver is confused. He doesn’t know what to make of these new feelings. He decides to meet Sandy again at a gathering the squirrels are holding as an excuse to get a look at the new stock. At the point of dusk, the hawk and a night owl, clash while trying to catch the same squirrel. This makes the animals yet more fearful and distrustful of birds, and Silver.
Despite all the problems the crows cause him, Silver takes an injured one named Morning into his home. She too was attacked by the hawk. Silver relates. He wonders about these attacks of the hawk’s and about stories he’s heard of her, if there’s something more going on than can be seen.
He confides in the crows his feelings for Sandy, and they soon begin a matchmaking scheme. They lure Sandy into a game of chase – all the squirrels play at it – only it’s not just a game. Sandy is feeling the effects of spring fever, and she quickly puts Silver in his place, by biting him.
He returns to the crows, dejected. He decides honesty is best and goes nervously to tell Sandy the whole truth. Sandy decides reluctantly to helps the crows, though she fears them so much, and now distrusts Silver.
Time passes and the crows move on, devastating Silver. He is alone again in the dead of winter. His strength is all but gone when a new predator catches his scent, some ermines. Silver flees to the one place where there might be a glimmer of life, the Lodge. He finds it bustling. The community has taken shelter there too. Silver now has no option but to work hard and fit in. The animals are sending out cache-raiding parties. The leaders are presenting a discourse on the dangers of the new predator, Sandy is dreaming of weasel skeletons, and everything that happens seems to keep Silver and Sandy apart.
Old Jacob has choked. Silver is heartbroken and doesn’t know how to cope with the loss, or with the leaders telling him what to do. The whole thing finally comes to blow. The ermines pick that moment to start their assault on the Lodge.
The group begins a retreat. Silver pulls himself together and fights for the girl he loves and saves her in a mid-air chase through top of the lodge. Now the animals are out in the cold with no provisions. They survive the only way they can, even if it means eating old dry bones in the snow.
Silver wants to take Sandy someplace better, but he discovers that Sandy’s mother and the other leaders where the ones who set the fire and caused all this mayhem, this terrible chain of events that lead to their ruin.
Silver’s been used and abused by them for far too long. He storms out, finding that his only remaining food has been stolen. He hunts down the little bird that did it and sits down, perplexed. There, he admits to himself that he just can't make things right. He wants to live, but he just doesn’t know how. He’s ready to give up, and he discovers that there is only one option that has any merit, to forgive.
He takes his idea to Sandy, and together they talk to the leaders and tell them of their forgiveness, and propose a plan to save them all. Soon, a whole expedition is put together to return to their original home that will soon be sprouting with new life. It’s a good plan.
All is going well, until the ermines catch up with them. Their trip becomes a gauntlet of attacks until the group is split up. Silver and Sandy are surrounded. Only at the last moment, the hawk intervenes. She takes Silver in her clawstaking him up to her mate. She’s been planning something for a long time, ever since Silver was together with the crows.
It’s no use trying to get loose. “Our leg bones lock into place,” says the hawk. “That’s how we sleep while perched.”
The hawk’s mate no longer hunts for himself. He’s become old and useless, though once the fiercest hunter in the sky. He was the one that killed Silver’s mother, while hunting in a pair with the female. Silver's terrified, but he taunts the male hawk. He sings of his worthlessness for all to hear, as far as his tiny voice will carry from the hillside. The male is irate. Finally, when he gets the right moment, Silver jumps from the hill.
The female hawk dives and saves him from being crushed. She explains to him her plan to humiliate her mate, perhaps the only to motivate him to live again.
The hawk has completed her plan. Silver is broken at having been used by his worst enemy. This is an offense he doesn’t know how to forgive. Life has taken such a hard turn.
The hawk at last leaves him alone again. He finds Sandy and they take comfort in each others embrace. They contemplate life and wonder what such an unsure future holds. They know only one thing, they yet have a destiny together, and they want to be together for as long as it lasts.
Hi all. It was a lot to post, so this was intended to go with ver. 3 of the "Crucible of Silver" query:
Crucible of Silver
Synopsis
Silver Squirrel is enjoying a day of fun and games when he meets Sandy Brown, the daughter of one of the squirrel leaders. Silver is terribly timid. He’s had a hard and lonely first year of life and he hasn’t learned social skills. He even unwittingly embarrasses Sandy by implying that she has flees. She leaves red-faced, but he knows he likes her a lot.
A fire sweeps the forest. There are questions as to why all of a sudden, the woods have burst into flames, and Sandy is told to lie about it by her mother.
Silver reluctantly joins the colony, forced out of their homes. As the squirrels resettle, Silver takes refuge in the Lodge where he grew up. This is the home of Jacob, his old mentor. Here, he begins to form an emotional relationship with Sandy, but he’s restless, disquieted by ghosts from his past and a need to prove himself. He chooses rather to head out into the unknown where he finds that he feels more alone than ever.
An unusual friendship grows out of a chance encounter with a crow named Crackle, and this is the beginning of a number of schemes that the crows come up with. Deep down, his heart is pining away for Sandy.
Silver is confused. He doesn’t know what to make of these new feelings. He decides to meet Sandy again at a gathering the squirrels are holding as an excuse to get a look at the new stock. At the point of dusk, the hawk and a night owl, clash while trying to catch the same squirrel. This makes the animals yet more fearful and distrustful of birds, and Silver.
Despite all the problems the crows cause him, Silver takes an injured one named Morning into his home. She too was attacked by the hawk. Silver relates. He wonders about these attacks of the hawk’s and about stories he’s heard of her, if there’s something more going on than can be seen.
He confides in the crows his feelings for Sandy, and they soon begin a matchmaking scheme. They lure Sandy into a game of chase – all the squirrels play at it – only it’s not just a game. Sandy is feeling the effects of spring fever, and she quickly puts Silver in his place, by biting him.
He returns to the crows, dejected. He decides honesty is best and goes nervously to tell Sandy the whole truth. Sandy decides reluctantly to helps the crows, though she fears them so much, and now distrusts Silver.
Time passes and the crows move on, devastating Silver. He is alone again in the dead of winter. His strength is all but gone when a new predator catches his scent, some ermines. Silver flees to the one place where there might be a glimmer of life, the Lodge. He finds it bustling. The community has taken shelter there too. Silver now has no option but to work hard and fit in. The animals are sending out cache-raiding parties. The leaders are presenting a discourse on the dangers of the new predator, Sandy is dreaming of weasel skeletons, and everything that happens seems to keep Silver and Sandy apart.
Old Jacob has choked. Silver is heartbroken and doesn’t know how to cope with the loss, or with the leaders telling him what to do. The whole thing finally comes to blow. The ermines pick that moment to start their assault on the Lodge.
The group begins a retreat. Silver pulls himself together and fights for the girl he loves and saves her in a mid-air chase through top of the lodge. Now the animals are out in the cold with no provisions. They survive the only way they can, even if it means eating old dry bones in the snow.
Silver wants to take Sandy someplace better, but he discovers that Sandy’s mother and the other leaders where the ones who set the fire and caused all this mayhem, this terrible chain of events that lead to their ruin.
Silver’s been used and abused by them for far too long. He storms out, finding that his only remaining food has been stolen. He hunts down the little bird that did it and sits down, perplexed. There, he admits to himself that he just can't make things right. He wants to live, but he just doesn’t know how. He’s ready to give up, and he discovers that there is only one option that has any merit, to forgive.
He takes his idea to Sandy, and together they talk to the leaders and tell them of their forgiveness, and propose a plan to save them all. Soon, a whole expedition is put together to return to their original home that will soon be sprouting with new life. It’s a good plan.
All is going well, until the ermines catch up with them. Their trip becomes a gauntlet of attacks until the group is split up. Silver and Sandy are surrounded. Only at the last moment, the hawk intervenes. She takes Silver in her clawstaking him up to her mate. She’s been planning something for a long time, ever since Silver was together with the crows.
It’s no use trying to get loose. “Our leg bones lock into place,” says the hawk. “That’s how we sleep while perched.”
The hawk’s mate no longer hunts for himself. He’s become old and useless, though once the fiercest hunter in the sky. He was the one that killed Silver’s mother, while hunting in a pair with the female. Silver's terrified, but he taunts the male hawk. He sings of his worthlessness for all to hear, as far as his tiny voice will carry from the hillside. The male is irate. Finally, when he gets the right moment, Silver jumps from the hill.
The female hawk dives and saves him from being crushed. She explains to him her plan to humiliate her mate, perhaps the only to motivate him to live again.
The hawk has completed her plan. Silver is broken at having been used by his worst enemy. This is an offense he doesn’t know how to forgive. Life has taken such a hard turn.
The hawk at last leaves him alone again. He finds Sandy and they take comfort in each others embrace. They contemplate life and wonder what such an unsure future holds. They know only one thing, they yet have a destiny together, and they want to be together for as long as it lasts.
QUERY- DEMON HUNT
Created from follwoing a help book strictly.
Dear…
I am writing to you because you represented TITLE by AUTHOR, and I feel my book is similar.
My book takes place in the present day, over a six month period, in the magical realm of Veneseron. The novel is in the vein of Harry Potter, crossed with the Demonata series. Fifteen year old Evan Umbra, reclusive orphan and bully victim, is ripped from our world by a demon, but saved and taken by a warrior to Veneseron. Evan trains in magic and weaponry to become a demon hunter and protector of the worlds, finding friendship and romance on the way. But demons continue to hunt him for he is demon spawn- the key to the dark god’s rebirth, or his demise. The demon god once ruled all the realms, and his Dread lords will stop at nothing to bring him back.
From learning to harness the power of the elements to riding dragons, DEMON HUNT- is an 84,000 word young adult, fantasy novel available to you for representation. Thank you sincerely for taking the time to consider my work.
Dear…
I am writing to you because you represented TITLE by AUTHOR, and I feel my book is similar.
My book takes place in the present day, over a six month period, in the magical realm of Veneseron. The novel is in the vein of Harry Potter, crossed with the Demonata series. Fifteen year old Evan Umbra, reclusive orphan and bully victim, is ripped from our world by a demon, but saved and taken by a warrior to Veneseron. Evan trains in magic and weaponry to become a demon hunter and protector of the worlds, finding friendship and romance on the way. But demons continue to hunt him for he is demon spawn- the key to the dark god’s rebirth, or his demise. The demon god once ruled all the realms, and his Dread lords will stop at nothing to bring him back.
From learning to harness the power of the elements to riding dragons, DEMON HUNT- is an 84,000 word young adult, fantasy novel available to you for representation. Thank you sincerely for taking the time to consider my work.
Jun 23, 2010
Success Story!
NOTE: The queries for this book have been taken down at the author's request. The working title was ENEMIES OF TIME. Thanks to all who make this site what it is; as the moderator, my role is minimal. The commentors are the ones who bring the value, and those brave enough to share their work provide the platform.
Dear Rick,
Since my deal went public this morning, I wanted to write an official thank you letter for starting The Public Query Slushpile blog. I began reading queries on your blog sometime last May (2009) and it took me until the end of July (I think) to actually post one of my own.
After it posted, I was so nervous, waiting to see if anyone responded. At the time it was the hardest thing I had ever done with my writing.
But I survived both the good and the bad feedback and slowly, with each post, my skin got a little thicker and I really learned to listen to what others were saying.
Right now, I probably hold the record for the most queries and sample pages posted on The Public Query Slushpile. Seriously, I've put up a ton. A few people even came back and put a second comment after I had written my thank you comment. One person said something like, "Dang Julie, this is your query. How many books have you written?"
Like most writers, amazing words and perfect prose didn't just fall onto the page for me. I had to write lots and lots of bad stuff before I got to something that made one agent and one editor say, "I think this could be a good book." This, of course, followed many rejections and rewrites.
But still, neither said I was done. Nor did they say it was perfect. Not even close. And if it weren't for all the people who gave honest critique and feedback on my queries and sample pages, I would probably be hiding under my bed now, never wanting to come out.
Instead, I listened to everything an editor told me was wrong with my book and then I started sending chapters that were better. Not perfect, but better. Then he got excited because I was so open to revisions and asked for more. Alas, a book was made! And there is still lots more editing to come.
Writing is just like the saying "It takes a town to raise a child." It takes a community like The Public Query Slushpile to make a an aspiring writer into an accomplished writer. At least this is what happened with a new writer like me. Maybe others can do it alone but I know I couldn't.
Thank you Rick and all your many followers!
Julie Cross
P.S. feel free to post this if you would like! I'm pasting my official PMP announcement below. It is a YA book but my editor wanted to call it Debut Fiction for some reason.
--
Julie Cross
wannabewriter2009@gmail.com
http://diaryofanunpublishedwannabewriter.blogspot.com/
Publishers Marketplace
New deals for June 23, 2010
FICTION
Debut
Julie Cross's TEMPEST, the first in a trilogy about a 19-year-old time traveler who witnesses his girlfriend's murder and inadvertently jumps back two years; stuck there, he's recruited by a shadowy government agency run by the man he thought was his father and vows to save his girlfriend no matter the cost, pitched as "Twilight" meets "The Time Traveler's Wife," to Brendan Deneen at Thomas Dunne Books, in a pre-empt, by Suzie Townsend at FinePrint Literary Management (World).
Dear Rick,
Since my deal went public this morning, I wanted to write an official thank you letter for starting The Public Query Slushpile blog. I began reading queries on your blog sometime last May (2009) and it took me until the end of July (I think) to actually post one of my own.
After it posted, I was so nervous, waiting to see if anyone responded. At the time it was the hardest thing I had ever done with my writing.
But I survived both the good and the bad feedback and slowly, with each post, my skin got a little thicker and I really learned to listen to what others were saying.
Right now, I probably hold the record for the most queries and sample pages posted on The Public Query Slushpile. Seriously, I've put up a ton. A few people even came back and put a second comment after I had written my thank you comment. One person said something like, "Dang Julie, this is your query. How many books have you written?"
Like most writers, amazing words and perfect prose didn't just fall onto the page for me. I had to write lots and lots of bad stuff before I got to something that made one agent and one editor say, "I think this could be a good book." This, of course, followed many rejections and rewrites.
But still, neither said I was done. Nor did they say it was perfect. Not even close. And if it weren't for all the people who gave honest critique and feedback on my queries and sample pages, I would probably be hiding under my bed now, never wanting to come out.
Instead, I listened to everything an editor told me was wrong with my book and then I started sending chapters that were better. Not perfect, but better. Then he got excited because I was so open to revisions and asked for more. Alas, a book was made! And there is still lots more editing to come.
Writing is just like the saying "It takes a town to raise a child." It takes a community like The Public Query Slushpile to make a an aspiring writer into an accomplished writer. At least this is what happened with a new writer like me. Maybe others can do it alone but I know I couldn't.
Thank you Rick and all your many followers!
Julie Cross
P.S. feel free to post this if you would like! I'm pasting my official PMP announcement below. It is a YA book but my editor wanted to call it Debut Fiction for some reason.
--
Julie Cross
wannabewriter2009@gmail.com
http://diaryofanunpublishedwannabewriter.blogspot.com/
Publishers Marketplace
New deals for June 23, 2010
FICTION
Debut
Julie Cross's TEMPEST, the first in a trilogy about a 19-year-old time traveler who witnesses his girlfriend's murder and inadvertently jumps back two years; stuck there, he's recruited by a shadowy government agency run by the man he thought was his father and vows to save his girlfriend no matter the cost, pitched as "Twilight" meets "The Time Traveler's Wife," to Brendan Deneen at Thomas Dunne Books, in a pre-empt, by Suzie Townsend at FinePrint Literary Management (World).
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