Dear Agent,
Nick Sanchez has just arrived in hell. And he didn’t have to die to get there; he simply accepted a temporary Bureau assignment in Northern Idaho.
Sprague, Idaho—a backwoods town with bad weather—is exactly how Nick envisions hell. But the only burning he feels is in the pit of stomach, stemming from the frustration of three dead-end investigations. The keys to his salvation are within sight, but illusively beyond his grasp. One comes in the form of a perky blonde cashier at the local grocery store. The other comes with the prospect that he may have stumbled upon the most abhorrent cult of the twenty-first century.
Three women have gone missing from Sprague within three consecutive years, and the FBI has sent Special Agent Nick Sanchez to investigate. When Nick discovers the common factor in all three cases, he begins to scrutinize dormant white supremacist factions in the area. What he finds is beyond shocking: a prominent author has turned his controversial books into a doomsday cult promoting beliefs in Nordicism and polygamy. Nick is about to break the biggest case of his career—if he can prove that the missing women have been inducted into the cult of Nordica. But Nordica mastermind Pierce Crawford seems to outwit and outmaneuver Nick every step of the way. Nothing—especially an intrusion by someone with dark skin—will stop Pierce from preparing his cult for the imminent Armageddon. Pierce shrewdly strikes at Nick and all that is close to his heart. Nick will come to question his instincts, his impartiality, and his future at the Bureau. But even more troubling to Nick than a major career derailment is the fact that his misjudgments may cost the only woman he’s ever loved her life.
The Saving Race is a 104,000 word romantic mystery. I am confident with my finished product, as it is certainly the best of my three completed novels. While The Saving Race does stand alone, I am now working on its sequel. I am excited with the prospect of The Saving Race entering the market in the near future, as many of the elements adapted by the cult of Nordica are taken from current headlines.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Apr 23, 2009
Query - Traitor's Plight
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Agent,
For generations the Kings of Mudamora had exiled the kingdom’s criminals to the mountains west of the Zaltana wall. Thousands of men and women were condemned by their liege and abandoned by the gods to die in the cold. The damned have found their own god, though, and instead of dying they have survived, flourished, and now march under the command of the witch queen Rufina to conquer those who persecuted them.
Lord Captain Rhys Calorian was born to the power and privilege of nobility, all of which were lost the night the Zaltana wall fell to the subterfuge of a lone female assassin. Five years later he is the sole survivor of that night, desperate to regain his honor and achieve his birthright of military command. Instead he finds himself captain of the Princess’s bodyguards and living in the midst of the women who form it.
Drusilla was raised by a wealthy patrician senator in an empire far across the seas. Under attack within the first moments of returning to her homeland of Mudamora, she discovers that a power has arisen within her when she restores Rhys from a mortal injury and is forced to suffer the physical pain that results. The power proves to be an unwelcome one, as all healers are bound to the mad King’s failing army and destined to suffer in their servitude. Alone in an unfamiliar kingdom and desperate to keep her power a secret, Drusilla agrees to join the ranks of the Princess’ bodyguards and unwittingly finds herself drawn into a love affair with Rhys.
With the capital under threat of attack, Rhys is given command of a suicide mission to stop Rufina’s exile army, while Drusilla finds herself entangled in web of political intrigue. Bound by oaths to protect a royal family plagued by madness, she is forced to put her love, liberty and even her life at risk in order to avoid a war of ascendancy that would leave Mudamora ripe for Rufina’s picking.
TRAITOR’S PLIGHT is a 106,000 word fantasy with a strong romantic element, and is the first volume in a trilogy. I have a Bachelor of Commerce degree from the University of XYZ and this is my first novel. I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Dear Agent,
For generations the Kings of Mudamora had exiled the kingdom’s criminals to the mountains west of the Zaltana wall. Thousands of men and women were condemned by their liege and abandoned by the gods to die in the cold. The damned have found their own god, though, and instead of dying they have survived, flourished, and now march under the command of the witch queen Rufina to conquer those who persecuted them.
Lord Captain Rhys Calorian was born to the power and privilege of nobility, all of which were lost the night the Zaltana wall fell to the subterfuge of a lone female assassin. Five years later he is the sole survivor of that night, desperate to regain his honor and achieve his birthright of military command. Instead he finds himself captain of the Princess’s bodyguards and living in the midst of the women who form it.
Drusilla was raised by a wealthy patrician senator in an empire far across the seas. Under attack within the first moments of returning to her homeland of Mudamora, she discovers that a power has arisen within her when she restores Rhys from a mortal injury and is forced to suffer the physical pain that results. The power proves to be an unwelcome one, as all healers are bound to the mad King’s failing army and destined to suffer in their servitude. Alone in an unfamiliar kingdom and desperate to keep her power a secret, Drusilla agrees to join the ranks of the Princess’ bodyguards and unwittingly finds herself drawn into a love affair with Rhys.
With the capital under threat of attack, Rhys is given command of a suicide mission to stop Rufina’s exile army, while Drusilla finds herself entangled in web of political intrigue. Bound by oaths to protect a royal family plagued by madness, she is forced to put her love, liberty and even her life at risk in order to avoid a war of ascendancy that would leave Mudamora ripe for Rufina’s picking.
TRAITOR’S PLIGHT is a 106,000 word fantasy with a strong romantic element, and is the first volume in a trilogy. I have a Bachelor of Commerce degree from the University of XYZ and this is my first novel. I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Query - Andra
Dear Mr. Agent,
Claudia meant to save her best friend, but she ended up saving the nation.
In Claudia’s world there are lots of laws, as well as a few unspoken rules that everyone knows. If you have a powerful ability – keep it a secret, even from your friends and family. And if you have an opinion on how things are being run – don’t say it.
So when Claudia’s best friend, Selma, announces that she can converse with plants, Claudia isn’t surprised when Selma is arrested on orders of the government. Though that doesn’t mean she’s going to let them get away with it.
After a chance meeting with the ruler’s second son, Erik, the rescue mission turns into an opportunity to overthrow the corrupt government. After suffering years of imprisonment at his father and brother’s hands, Erik is more than ready to join the rebellion along with Selma and Claudia.
The journey leads to self-discovery when Claudia discovers she can control others by force, giving the rebels the extra edge they need to be victorious. But Claudia has another reason for the rebellion to succeed: she’s in love with Erik, the very man they hope to crown. If the rebels can’t win this time, Claudia will lose the man she loves and the world will lose what could be its last chance to escape oppression.
ANDRA is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 80,000 words and set in the fictional world of Sicyon. The manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Author
Claudia meant to save her best friend, but she ended up saving the nation.
In Claudia’s world there are lots of laws, as well as a few unspoken rules that everyone knows. If you have a powerful ability – keep it a secret, even from your friends and family. And if you have an opinion on how things are being run – don’t say it.
So when Claudia’s best friend, Selma, announces that she can converse with plants, Claudia isn’t surprised when Selma is arrested on orders of the government. Though that doesn’t mean she’s going to let them get away with it.
After a chance meeting with the ruler’s second son, Erik, the rescue mission turns into an opportunity to overthrow the corrupt government. After suffering years of imprisonment at his father and brother’s hands, Erik is more than ready to join the rebellion along with Selma and Claudia.
The journey leads to self-discovery when Claudia discovers she can control others by force, giving the rebels the extra edge they need to be victorious. But Claudia has another reason for the rebellion to succeed: she’s in love with Erik, the very man they hope to crown. If the rebels can’t win this time, Claudia will lose the man she loves and the world will lose what could be its last chance to escape oppression.
ANDRA is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 80,000 words and set in the fictional world of Sicyon. The manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Author
Excellent Agent Post on Query Letters
Jessica Faust at BookEnds, LLC has an excellent post today about query letters. Click here to read it (and you really should! If you read it already, read it again. It's worth it.)
- Rick
- Rick
Apr 22, 2009
Revision 4 - BROKEN
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
A hate-filled attack in a London alley two years ago claimed his lover, but left Eli Burke with a limp and scars as permanent reminders.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli on a busy street.
Though fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. By way of a sympathetic ear, a bold embrace, and his persistent proximity as one of four other housemates, Alec works his way under Eli’s skin and past his defenses. But Eli fights his growing attraction to Alec, having set his sights on isolated charity work abroad to avoid loving and losing again.
BROKEN is an m/m romance complete at 65,500 words. The full manuscript is available upon request.
I have a B.A. in Journalism and worked as a copy editor for The Charleston Daily Mail for eight years, occasionally writing columns and movie reviews for the lifestyle section.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
A hate-filled attack in a London alley two years ago claimed his lover, but left Eli Burke with a limp and scars as permanent reminders.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli on a busy street.
Though fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. By way of a sympathetic ear, a bold embrace, and his persistent proximity as one of four other housemates, Alec works his way under Eli’s skin and past his defenses. But Eli fights his growing attraction to Alec, having set his sights on isolated charity work abroad to avoid loving and losing again.
BROKEN is an m/m romance complete at 65,500 words. The full manuscript is available upon request.
I have a B.A. in Journalism and worked as a copy editor for The Charleston Daily Mail for eight years, occasionally writing columns and movie reviews for the lifestyle section.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Apr 21, 2009
Query-The Release (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent:
I am currently seeking representation for my novel The Release is a 65,000 word suspense fiction that shares several similarities with The Escape by Robert Pierce, which I understand is a favorite of yours. Both novels share certain similarities in that they deal with the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
A brief synopsis of my novel follows:
John Michaels has just spent the past 7 years in a Texas sanatorium. His crime? Meting out only a small fraction of the brutal abuse, he suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father on a classmate. Now at the age of 22, John Michaels hopes to find the release from his all-too-real prison, his past. To do so, he must convince Dr. Holt, the chief psychiatrist that he's been rehabilitated and can safely be released into society.
It takes every ounce of his inner resolve and cunning, but John's charade prevails. He's released. However, the John Michaels that's set free is no longer a child - he's a ruggedly handsome man that is extremely attractive to the ladies. Unfortunately, for him, it's because of his sexual attractiveness that he finds himself implicated in the murder of a beautiful young girl less than twenty-four hours after his release. Karen Weeks was a girl that he only had dinner with, but because of his past, he immediately becomes the prime suspect in her death. Now, he must rely on complete strangers to fight for his freedom and release. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Dear Agent:
I am currently seeking representation for my novel The Release is a 65,000 word suspense fiction that shares several similarities with The Escape by Robert Pierce, which I understand is a favorite of yours. Both novels share certain similarities in that they deal with the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
A brief synopsis of my novel follows:
John Michaels has just spent the past 7 years in a Texas sanatorium. His crime? Meting out only a small fraction of the brutal abuse, he suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father on a classmate. Now at the age of 22, John Michaels hopes to find the release from his all-too-real prison, his past. To do so, he must convince Dr. Holt, the chief psychiatrist that he's been rehabilitated and can safely be released into society.
It takes every ounce of his inner resolve and cunning, but John's charade prevails. He's released. However, the John Michaels that's set free is no longer a child - he's a ruggedly handsome man that is extremely attractive to the ladies. Unfortunately, for him, it's because of his sexual attractiveness that he finds himself implicated in the murder of a beautiful young girl less than twenty-four hours after his release. Karen Weeks was a girl that he only had dinner with, but because of his past, he immediately becomes the prime suspect in her death. Now, he must rely on complete strangers to fight for his freedom and release. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Apr 20, 2009
Query - Quest Support (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear (Agent Name),
An Ancient Evil has arisen, but a Cryptic Prophecy speaks of a Young Boy who will wield a Mystic Sword and defeat it. Gilbert Gaberlunzie has seen this tired old plot play out more times than he can count. Gilbert works at Quest Support, a call center that provides assistance to Heroes, Villains, and anyone else involved in Quests. Even though he’s sure he’d make a better adventurer than any of the idiots who call him, Gilbert is satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t work out quite that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets an extra-stupid Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert decides to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. After doing interviews for party members and appropriating some malfunctioning magical artifacts from his ex-employer, Gilbert sets off on a journey down the well-trodden paths of fantasydom. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
QUEST SUPPORT is complete at 94,000 words. It is a lighthearted fantasy that pokes some good-natured fun at the genre’s clichés and refuses to take itself seriously. It will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on a familiar formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear (Agent Name),
An Ancient Evil has arisen, but a Cryptic Prophecy speaks of a Young Boy who will wield a Mystic Sword and defeat it. Gilbert Gaberlunzie has seen this tired old plot play out more times than he can count. Gilbert works at Quest Support, a call center that provides assistance to Heroes, Villains, and anyone else involved in Quests. Even though he’s sure he’d make a better adventurer than any of the idiots who call him, Gilbert is satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t work out quite that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets an extra-stupid Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert decides to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. After doing interviews for party members and appropriating some malfunctioning magical artifacts from his ex-employer, Gilbert sets off on a journey down the well-trodden paths of fantasydom. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
QUEST SUPPORT is complete at 94,000 words. It is a lighthearted fantasy that pokes some good-natured fun at the genre’s clichés and refuses to take itself seriously. It will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on a familiar formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
QUERY- VAMPIRES RULE
Seventeen-year-old Jack Creed is unhappy as a vampire. He would give anything to have his old life back. After a werewolf attack, it seems he's gotten his wish. He's human again. Now his problems really begin.
His high school english teacher is the head werewolf; the girl he's seriously crushing on is a hunter with secrets; his brother can't make up his mind if he should welcome Jack home or stake him through the heart to be on the safe side. Then Jack starts to regain some of his vampire powers. Also, he's developing new werewolf powers.
Jack just wants to be normal. He wants to graduate from high school and leave the werewolf killing to others, but everyone he knows is in danger. In the end Jack will have to make a hard choice between what he wants, what's good for him, and what is good for the people he loves.
Vampires Rule is complete at 73,000 words.
His high school english teacher is the head werewolf; the girl he's seriously crushing on is a hunter with secrets; his brother can't make up his mind if he should welcome Jack home or stake him through the heart to be on the safe side. Then Jack starts to regain some of his vampire powers. Also, he's developing new werewolf powers.
Jack just wants to be normal. He wants to graduate from high school and leave the werewolf killing to others, but everyone he knows is in danger. In the end Jack will have to make a hard choice between what he wants, what's good for him, and what is good for the people he loves.
Vampires Rule is complete at 73,000 words.
QUERY- THE RELEASE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Agent:
I graduated from The University of Texas in May of 1997 with a degree in journalism. While at the university, several of my articles received The Almay Award for Excellence in Journalism.
I chose to submit my novel for your consideration after seeing that you had interest in this particular genre, especially after you pointed out that Robert Pierce's novel, The Escape, was one of your favorite reads. Did I not only read the book, but also found it similar to mine in that it shows the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
The Release
While spending seven years in a Texas sanatorium for re-enacting the physical abuse he received as a child on a peer of fifteen years of age, John Michaels finds his escape. John realized that inner strength, his mind, would convince the good Dr. Holt to okay his release.
John, a ruggedly handsome man with smooth black hair, fashionable stubble, and a chiseled six foot three inch frame is not out of the sanatorium for twenty-four hours before his life becomes extremely complicated. He finds himself tightly wrapped in lust, having dinner given by the beautiful Karen Weeks, being accused of murder, befriending a court appointed defense attorney, rescued from the Texas death penalty by witty Richard, a private detective extraordinaire, and falling in love with Delaney, a bookstore clerk.
John's inner release does not become final until he visits the graves of his alcoholic father and drug addicted mother. John is able to get the answers and let go pent up feelings that need their escape. John's will to seek a better life comes to fruition.
Upon request, I am prepared to send the completed manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Joshua Kearns
Dear Agent:
I graduated from The University of Texas in May of 1997 with a degree in journalism. While at the university, several of my articles received The Almay Award for Excellence in Journalism.
I chose to submit my novel for your consideration after seeing that you had interest in this particular genre, especially after you pointed out that Robert Pierce's novel, The Escape, was one of your favorite reads. Did I not only read the book, but also found it similar to mine in that it shows the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
The Release
While spending seven years in a Texas sanatorium for re-enacting the physical abuse he received as a child on a peer of fifteen years of age, John Michaels finds his escape. John realized that inner strength, his mind, would convince the good Dr. Holt to okay his release.
John, a ruggedly handsome man with smooth black hair, fashionable stubble, and a chiseled six foot three inch frame is not out of the sanatorium for twenty-four hours before his life becomes extremely complicated. He finds himself tightly wrapped in lust, having dinner given by the beautiful Karen Weeks, being accused of murder, befriending a court appointed defense attorney, rescued from the Texas death penalty by witty Richard, a private detective extraordinaire, and falling in love with Delaney, a bookstore clerk.
John's inner release does not become final until he visits the graves of his alcoholic father and drug addicted mother. John is able to get the answers and let go pent up feelings that need their escape. John's will to seek a better life comes to fruition.
Upon request, I am prepared to send the completed manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Joshua Kearns
Apr 19, 2009
Query -- A FATHER'S PROMISE
Dear Agent Name:
Ten-year-old Lucas Gibson knows there's not enough money for his mom's textbooks, a new alternator for the truck, or even a Mega Mini Scooter, but he's not worried. His dad has been hired to train an imported curly coated retriever for a field trial, and he promises that when they win, their family problems will be over. But the promise seems for naught when his father is killed in an accident that injures both Lucas and the dog and leaves their family deep in debt.
Still, Lucas can't forget. Despite his mother's objections, the disabled boy takes on the challenge of rehabbing the dog. Joined by his wayfaring uncle and a woman who trains chickens for carnivals, Lucas sets out to save his crumbling family only to find that field trials don't have a cash prize, the bank is going to foreclose on their farm regardless, and worst of all, winning will require him to choose between his father's dream and the dog he loves. His dad's promise sure isn't turning out like Lucas expected. Can his family help him find his happy ending?
A FATHER'S PROMISE, a 100,000 word novel written for the commercial/mainstream fiction market, is a story of faith and healing as three generations of an estranged family come together to fulfill a father's last promise to his son.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Name
Contact information
Ten-year-old Lucas Gibson knows there's not enough money for his mom's textbooks, a new alternator for the truck, or even a Mega Mini Scooter, but he's not worried. His dad has been hired to train an imported curly coated retriever for a field trial, and he promises that when they win, their family problems will be over. But the promise seems for naught when his father is killed in an accident that injures both Lucas and the dog and leaves their family deep in debt.
Still, Lucas can't forget. Despite his mother's objections, the disabled boy takes on the challenge of rehabbing the dog. Joined by his wayfaring uncle and a woman who trains chickens for carnivals, Lucas sets out to save his crumbling family only to find that field trials don't have a cash prize, the bank is going to foreclose on their farm regardless, and worst of all, winning will require him to choose between his father's dream and the dog he loves. His dad's promise sure isn't turning out like Lucas expected. Can his family help him find his happy ending?
A FATHER'S PROMISE, a 100,000 word novel written for the commercial/mainstream fiction market, is a story of faith and healing as three generations of an estranged family come together to fulfill a father's last promise to his son.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Name
Contact information
Apr 18, 2009
Query- Deadly secret
Deadly secret"
A romance gone sour by jealousy. But it wasn't a romance at all, just a one second snapshot that turned into a life-time of memories that ended in murder.
No one suspected Jared of such a deed until he devulged the one bit of evidence only known at autopsy. After all, there was no one else to blame.
The first time I saw Lisa Barrette, she stood outside the schoolyard engaged in girlish chatter with her friends. She did not notice me gawking, silently hoping that one day I would hear those magic words; "Yes, I will go out with you."
I marveled at her soft red hair and her green eyes that sparkled in the sunlight. Mostly, her easy smile and kind demeanor smote me. I summoned that little piece of courage deep inside me. Courage smothered by the tight knot in my gut. Finally, gushing out in high-pitched cracked voice, my attempt at hell-o got their attention. All the girls turned, pointed at me, and giggled, muttering insults that set my stomach on fire. I wanted to run away, hide, or simply vanish. Looking at the ground and feeling shameful for attempting such an act, I started to walk away. I lifted my head and in that moment, our eyes met. Lisa smiled at me and suddenly everything was okay. My heart warmed and I stood tall. I wanted to read the message in her eyes. I wanted her eyes to mirror how I saw her but to my disappointment, all I saw was pity. I accepted her pleasant smile and the apology in her eyes and for now, that was enough.
I saw her in the days that followed, standing at her locker, practicing cheerleader stuff, and briskly walking by me in the halls, never noticing me.
A romance gone sour by jealousy. But it wasn't a romance at all, just a one second snapshot that turned into a life-time of memories that ended in murder.
No one suspected Jared of such a deed until he devulged the one bit of evidence only known at autopsy. After all, there was no one else to blame.
The first time I saw Lisa Barrette, she stood outside the schoolyard engaged in girlish chatter with her friends. She did not notice me gawking, silently hoping that one day I would hear those magic words; "Yes, I will go out with you."
I marveled at her soft red hair and her green eyes that sparkled in the sunlight. Mostly, her easy smile and kind demeanor smote me. I summoned that little piece of courage deep inside me. Courage smothered by the tight knot in my gut. Finally, gushing out in high-pitched cracked voice, my attempt at hell-o got their attention. All the girls turned, pointed at me, and giggled, muttering insults that set my stomach on fire. I wanted to run away, hide, or simply vanish. Looking at the ground and feeling shameful for attempting such an act, I started to walk away. I lifted my head and in that moment, our eyes met. Lisa smiled at me and suddenly everything was okay. My heart warmed and I stood tall. I wanted to read the message in her eyes. I wanted her eyes to mirror how I saw her but to my disappointment, all I saw was pity. I accepted her pleasant smile and the apology in her eyes and for now, that was enough.
I saw her in the days that followed, standing at her locker, practicing cheerleader stuff, and briskly walking by me in the halls, never noticing me.
Apr 17, 2009
Revised Query - Where Demons Fear to Tread
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want Alexis Powers’ soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. Alex is a violent crimes investigator, not a Finder, but Death makes it crystal clear that she is the one who must handle this case or face his wrath. When the reason why becomes apparent, it will destroy Alex’s family forever.
To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses. The stakes are raised even higher when Alex’s disabled partner is brutally murdered in his bed as a warning for her to stay away.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market holy relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage uses the priest’s holy soul to raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R. Barnard
Dear Agent,
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want Alexis Powers’ soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. Alex is a violent crimes investigator, not a Finder, but Death makes it crystal clear that she is the one who must handle this case or face his wrath. When the reason why becomes apparent, it will destroy Alex’s family forever.
To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses. The stakes are raised even higher when Alex’s disabled partner is brutally murdered in his bed as a warning for her to stay away.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market holy relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage uses the priest’s holy soul to raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R. Barnard
Query 1/Query 2--Larkin Shift and the Hall of Two Truths
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Quick poll time. I know I said I'd end at revision three, but I need help deciding which of these to use and this has been really helpful so, any suggestions?
#1
An unknowing descendant of the Wenwet priestesses, Larkin Shift doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her magical powers, but they have a mind of their own. And her 8th grade teacher, Mr. Amurat, the one person that can help her, is trapped in the Egyptian underworld. He is a pawn in Principal Reameny’s quest to overthrow the sun god, Ra, and to plunge Earth into eternal darkness and chaos, unless Larkin and her friends can stop him.
But the rescue mission begins with an unexpected consequence—Benny, Larkin’s friend’s, death—and when Ra’s light temporarily revives him, there are only hours until his condition becomes permanent.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape and its dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must develop her powers to defeat the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
#2
Larkin’s is a rescue mission where every minute counts. Each passing second brings her friend Benny closer to death and failure to save her mentor, Mr. Amurat, means losing the one person that can help her control her innate magical ability.
An unknowing descendant of a powerful line of priestesses, Larkin doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her powers, but they have a mind of their own and with Mr. Amurat trapped in the underworld, she has no choice but to embrace them.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape full of dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must free Mr. Amurat from his captor, the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Quick poll time. I know I said I'd end at revision three, but I need help deciding which of these to use and this has been really helpful so, any suggestions?
#1
An unknowing descendant of the Wenwet priestesses, Larkin Shift doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her magical powers, but they have a mind of their own. And her 8th grade teacher, Mr. Amurat, the one person that can help her, is trapped in the Egyptian underworld. He is a pawn in Principal Reameny’s quest to overthrow the sun god, Ra, and to plunge Earth into eternal darkness and chaos, unless Larkin and her friends can stop him.
But the rescue mission begins with an unexpected consequence—Benny, Larkin’s friend’s, death—and when Ra’s light temporarily revives him, there are only hours until his condition becomes permanent.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape and its dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must develop her powers to defeat the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
#2
Larkin’s is a rescue mission where every minute counts. Each passing second brings her friend Benny closer to death and failure to save her mentor, Mr. Amurat, means losing the one person that can help her control her innate magical ability.
An unknowing descendant of a powerful line of priestesses, Larkin doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her powers, but they have a mind of their own and with Mr. Amurat trapped in the underworld, she has no choice but to embrace them.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape full of dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must free Mr. Amurat from his captor, the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
QUERY/LIFE AFTER DEATH
Dear Ms. Agent:
Violet Young is eager to spend a week without parental authority. When her parents leave for their cruise, she is positive that her plans of hanging out with friends, attending rock concerts, and attaining sun-kissed perfection will end her summer off flawlessly. However, her plans come to a smashing halt on her very first day of freedom, thanks to a life-altering car accident.
Strangers find Violet lying on the side of the road and rescue her. When she awakens from death’s grasp, she is frightened and alone, trapped in a fortress. As she tries every means of escape, James—too cute to be a psychotic kidnapper—enters the picture. He reveals a bevy of problems: she is now an unwilling member of his undead colony, blood is her only gruesome sustenance, and she must abandon her heart-beating biological family to prevent herself from the temptation of “dinnertime”.
Violet battles her conflicted emotions of transitioning into a vampire (who wants to drink blood for eternity? Ew!), her growing attraction for James, and the severed ties from her family. Once things begin to feel semi-normal (as normal as it could be for an undead teenager), skeletons from the past find her and her colony, unleashing a fatal vampire plague. Violet must defend herself from disloyal vampires, vengeful witches, and a mysterious prepubescent soul-sucker. It is up to Violet to save not only her own soul, but also stop the destruction of those she cherishes most dearly.
I have researched your agency through ___________ and found that your company is currently seeking paranormal fiction. My first novel in a supernatural series, LIFE AFTER DEATH, is complete at 114,000 words. I have spent the last six years teaching Language Arts to middle-grade students.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Violet Young is eager to spend a week without parental authority. When her parents leave for their cruise, she is positive that her plans of hanging out with friends, attending rock concerts, and attaining sun-kissed perfection will end her summer off flawlessly. However, her plans come to a smashing halt on her very first day of freedom, thanks to a life-altering car accident.
Strangers find Violet lying on the side of the road and rescue her. When she awakens from death’s grasp, she is frightened and alone, trapped in a fortress. As she tries every means of escape, James—too cute to be a psychotic kidnapper—enters the picture. He reveals a bevy of problems: she is now an unwilling member of his undead colony, blood is her only gruesome sustenance, and she must abandon her heart-beating biological family to prevent herself from the temptation of “dinnertime”.
Violet battles her conflicted emotions of transitioning into a vampire (who wants to drink blood for eternity? Ew!), her growing attraction for James, and the severed ties from her family. Once things begin to feel semi-normal (as normal as it could be for an undead teenager), skeletons from the past find her and her colony, unleashing a fatal vampire plague. Violet must defend herself from disloyal vampires, vengeful witches, and a mysterious prepubescent soul-sucker. It is up to Violet to save not only her own soul, but also stop the destruction of those she cherishes most dearly.
I have researched your agency through ___________ and found that your company is currently seeking paranormal fiction. My first novel in a supernatural series, LIFE AFTER DEATH, is complete at 114,000 words. I have spent the last six years teaching Language Arts to middle-grade students.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Apr 16, 2009
Query - Where Demons Fear to Tread
Dear,
Half-demon Vamyraset Agent Alexis Powers has been given what could very well be her toughest and deadliest case ever.
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want her soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market Holy Relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her Agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage can raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R Barnard
Half-demon Vamyraset Agent Alexis Powers has been given what could very well be her toughest and deadliest case ever.
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want her soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market Holy Relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her Agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage can raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R Barnard
QUERY -PAY ATTENTION
Okay, here goes my very first query and four pages of my novel....
Dear My Agent,
A ravaged corpse is discovered in the mountains while a local medical specialist goes missing without a trace. A young woman and her children suddenly disappear and the only witness is a teenage boy who doesn’t realize yet what he’s seen.
Ben Drake hopes to strengthen his relationship with his teenage son Jason during a road trip that takes them from their home in California to the Mountains of Colorado. Their plans are interrupted when they are unexpectedly drawn into a police investigation involving Maeve Tidewell and her two young daughters. Ben and Jason are compelled to keep searching for the missing family near a cabin they have discovered deep in the woods, and an almost psychic connection draws Ben toward a dangerous, and possibly deadly, confrontation.
Meanwhile Maeve finds herself held captive, along with her daughters and the missing doctor, by a disturbed man from her past. They work together to devise a plan to over power the gruesome killer before he decides the time is right for them to die. Somehow, fate brings them all together in a brave and desperate attempt to escape a bizarre kidnapper.
PAY ATTENTION is the first in a series of suspense stories that border on the paranormal, and is complete at approximately 70,000 words. Thank you so much for your time and consideration of this query and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The sirens stopped in mid screech, leaving behind an eerie silence while the muted flashes of red and blue continued to flicker like strobe lights across the dozen or so vehicles strewn across the road. They were parked pal-mel in the brush and a group of search and rescue workers moved solemnly around the scene under a canopy of dark, billowing clouds.
Arnold Baker dug the toe of his work boot into the damp soil and shoved his hands into the pockets of his battered sheep skin coat. He glanced up at the sky as a low rumble of thunder started far off in the distance and then turned his attention to the SUV that was just pulling on to the scene. He raised his arm and signaled to the tall, slightly bowed figure that crawled from behind the wheel, and then watched and waited patiently while he picked his way over the uneven ground.
“Arnie” The coroner bobbed his head by way of greeting and the two fell in step as they walked together to the mutilated body.
“It looks like maybe we found that missin’ hiker we been lookin’ for.” Baker speculated.
“Any clue what happened to him?”
“Looks like he probably fell from the ridge up here.” The short barrel-chested sheriff dipped his balding head toward the edge of the overhang that ended a few feet away. Baker peered up at the coroner from under his bushy gray brows. “S&R had a time pullin’ him up from the bottom of the ravine. He was wedged in pretty tight down there and the critters’ve had a go at him, so you just might have a rough time figurin’ out the exact cause of death.”
“If I didn’t know you better sheriff, I’d say that sounded like a challenge.” Sam Kaufman said light heartedly as he slapped the sheriff on the back. Sam was tall and gaunt and slightly stooped from a life of bending over to avoid knocking his head on every other door frame. The contrast in their appearance and difference in education made the two men an unlikely pair, but early on they had discovered a mutual love for books and the pleasures of fishing that led to a solid friendship. They knelt down over the body and studied the decomposing form. Most of the skin and muscle of the extremities had been torn away, leaving the bones jutting and exposed. Ragged pieces of what appeared to be a faded flannel work shirt were stuck here and there to denim jeans and a tough leather hiking boot was still clinging to one foot. Like the rest of the body, it was almost completely covered with dirt and twigs.
“Well, it looks like the wildlife sure has had a hay day. I suppose this poor guy could be your hiker, but I’d say from the looks of it that he’s been dead for more than a few days. Of course, I can’t really say anything for sure until after the autopsy.”
Sheriff Baker shrugged and nodded in a maybe - maybe not sort of agreement while he chewed down the end of the toothpick he’d been swilling around between his teeth and waited for his old friend to take in the details of the gruesome cadaver. It wasn’t long before his patience was rewarded with Kaufman’s shocked exclamation.
“Jesus H Christ Arnie! What in blue blazes happened to his head?”
“Well now, that’s a good question Sam, but I only know one kind a’ animal that skins the hair off its supper ‘fore he sits down to eat.”
As was typical, Glen ended up being the last one out of the office at the end of a really long day. More and more they were all becoming long days. He could hear Lily’s voice in his head reminding him that if he didn’t slow down, one of these first times he was going to crash and then he wouldn’t be any good to her or his patients. He smiled and told himself he would make it up to her this weekend with a tour of the valleys vineyards and a whole day of wine tasting. He checked to make sure that everything was turned off and the alarm was set before he twisted the key and gave one last tug on the door.
He made his way down the stairs off the back porch of the old Victorian where he had set up his practice almost two years ago and started toward the black Jaguar, his pride and joy, parked just a few feet away. A slight movement caught his attention and just as he looked up, Joseph came lumbering around the corner of the house.
‘What the hell is he doing here?’ Glen spoke under his breath, talking to no one in particular. He had an instinctive dislike for the big ogre and he was always on edge whenever he was forced to meet the man’s cold gaze. He started to open the car door, hoping he could drive away and pretend he hadn’t noticed, but by then Joseph was in the parking lot. He was obviously agitated, waving and babbling something about the kids needing him right away.
However annoyed or edgy Glen might be with the father, he would never ignore the needs of the kids and he immediately forgot about trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed him there.
It never occurred to Glen that Joseph’s behavior was completely out of character, his first and only concern being for the kids. All he could hear was the sense of urgency in the other man’s tone and the almost panic stricken expression on his face.
“Where are they?” He asked, and then without waiting for an answer he added in disgust “I’ll follow you but we might need an ambulance this time, I don’t care what your convictions are!”
He pressed the button to unlock the car door, yanking it open in a fit of temper. He was leaning in to throw his medical bag in the back seat when he felt a sudden overwhelming jolt as something hit him hard between the shoulder blades. He gasped at the blow and fell face first across the console. It was like an electrical shock had robbed him of the ability to move his arms or legs and he struggled as someone folded him like a rag doll into the car. He was beginning to lose consciousness but still he tried to twist away and instead came face to face with his attacker.
A much younger version of Joseph was leaning over him and shoving him on to the floor.
“Carl, you little prick!” Glen snarled the words and was horrified when all that came out was a drunken mumble. Drool rolled out of the side of his mouth and down his chin.
What little reality there was came to him like snatches of scenes from a movie flickering in and out of focus. He was partially awake now and he was being jostled around on the floor board of a car. His car. He recognized the feel of the engine slowing and accelerating each time it took another winding turn. He fought to regain his senses as his body rocked with the motion of the car but the effort only made him more disoriented until suddenly, he turned his head and vomited on the rough carpet that was chafing against the side of his face. He blacked out for a few minutes and when he came to again everything was even more unclear, with only fragments of voices and wispy impressions flitting here and there through his mind as everything slowly faded to black.
Dear My Agent,
A ravaged corpse is discovered in the mountains while a local medical specialist goes missing without a trace. A young woman and her children suddenly disappear and the only witness is a teenage boy who doesn’t realize yet what he’s seen.
Ben Drake hopes to strengthen his relationship with his teenage son Jason during a road trip that takes them from their home in California to the Mountains of Colorado. Their plans are interrupted when they are unexpectedly drawn into a police investigation involving Maeve Tidewell and her two young daughters. Ben and Jason are compelled to keep searching for the missing family near a cabin they have discovered deep in the woods, and an almost psychic connection draws Ben toward a dangerous, and possibly deadly, confrontation.
Meanwhile Maeve finds herself held captive, along with her daughters and the missing doctor, by a disturbed man from her past. They work together to devise a plan to over power the gruesome killer before he decides the time is right for them to die. Somehow, fate brings them all together in a brave and desperate attempt to escape a bizarre kidnapper.
PAY ATTENTION is the first in a series of suspense stories that border on the paranormal, and is complete at approximately 70,000 words. Thank you so much for your time and consideration of this query and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The sirens stopped in mid screech, leaving behind an eerie silence while the muted flashes of red and blue continued to flicker like strobe lights across the dozen or so vehicles strewn across the road. They were parked pal-mel in the brush and a group of search and rescue workers moved solemnly around the scene under a canopy of dark, billowing clouds.
Arnold Baker dug the toe of his work boot into the damp soil and shoved his hands into the pockets of his battered sheep skin coat. He glanced up at the sky as a low rumble of thunder started far off in the distance and then turned his attention to the SUV that was just pulling on to the scene. He raised his arm and signaled to the tall, slightly bowed figure that crawled from behind the wheel, and then watched and waited patiently while he picked his way over the uneven ground.
“Arnie” The coroner bobbed his head by way of greeting and the two fell in step as they walked together to the mutilated body.
“It looks like maybe we found that missin’ hiker we been lookin’ for.” Baker speculated.
“Any clue what happened to him?”
“Looks like he probably fell from the ridge up here.” The short barrel-chested sheriff dipped his balding head toward the edge of the overhang that ended a few feet away. Baker peered up at the coroner from under his bushy gray brows. “S&R had a time pullin’ him up from the bottom of the ravine. He was wedged in pretty tight down there and the critters’ve had a go at him, so you just might have a rough time figurin’ out the exact cause of death.”
“If I didn’t know you better sheriff, I’d say that sounded like a challenge.” Sam Kaufman said light heartedly as he slapped the sheriff on the back. Sam was tall and gaunt and slightly stooped from a life of bending over to avoid knocking his head on every other door frame. The contrast in their appearance and difference in education made the two men an unlikely pair, but early on they had discovered a mutual love for books and the pleasures of fishing that led to a solid friendship. They knelt down over the body and studied the decomposing form. Most of the skin and muscle of the extremities had been torn away, leaving the bones jutting and exposed. Ragged pieces of what appeared to be a faded flannel work shirt were stuck here and there to denim jeans and a tough leather hiking boot was still clinging to one foot. Like the rest of the body, it was almost completely covered with dirt and twigs.
“Well, it looks like the wildlife sure has had a hay day. I suppose this poor guy could be your hiker, but I’d say from the looks of it that he’s been dead for more than a few days. Of course, I can’t really say anything for sure until after the autopsy.”
Sheriff Baker shrugged and nodded in a maybe - maybe not sort of agreement while he chewed down the end of the toothpick he’d been swilling around between his teeth and waited for his old friend to take in the details of the gruesome cadaver. It wasn’t long before his patience was rewarded with Kaufman’s shocked exclamation.
“Jesus H Christ Arnie! What in blue blazes happened to his head?”
“Well now, that’s a good question Sam, but I only know one kind a’ animal that skins the hair off its supper ‘fore he sits down to eat.”
As was typical, Glen ended up being the last one out of the office at the end of a really long day. More and more they were all becoming long days. He could hear Lily’s voice in his head reminding him that if he didn’t slow down, one of these first times he was going to crash and then he wouldn’t be any good to her or his patients. He smiled and told himself he would make it up to her this weekend with a tour of the valleys vineyards and a whole day of wine tasting. He checked to make sure that everything was turned off and the alarm was set before he twisted the key and gave one last tug on the door.
He made his way down the stairs off the back porch of the old Victorian where he had set up his practice almost two years ago and started toward the black Jaguar, his pride and joy, parked just a few feet away. A slight movement caught his attention and just as he looked up, Joseph came lumbering around the corner of the house.
‘What the hell is he doing here?’ Glen spoke under his breath, talking to no one in particular. He had an instinctive dislike for the big ogre and he was always on edge whenever he was forced to meet the man’s cold gaze. He started to open the car door, hoping he could drive away and pretend he hadn’t noticed, but by then Joseph was in the parking lot. He was obviously agitated, waving and babbling something about the kids needing him right away.
However annoyed or edgy Glen might be with the father, he would never ignore the needs of the kids and he immediately forgot about trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed him there.
It never occurred to Glen that Joseph’s behavior was completely out of character, his first and only concern being for the kids. All he could hear was the sense of urgency in the other man’s tone and the almost panic stricken expression on his face.
“Where are they?” He asked, and then without waiting for an answer he added in disgust “I’ll follow you but we might need an ambulance this time, I don’t care what your convictions are!”
He pressed the button to unlock the car door, yanking it open in a fit of temper. He was leaning in to throw his medical bag in the back seat when he felt a sudden overwhelming jolt as something hit him hard between the shoulder blades. He gasped at the blow and fell face first across the console. It was like an electrical shock had robbed him of the ability to move his arms or legs and he struggled as someone folded him like a rag doll into the car. He was beginning to lose consciousness but still he tried to twist away and instead came face to face with his attacker.
A much younger version of Joseph was leaning over him and shoving him on to the floor.
“Carl, you little prick!” Glen snarled the words and was horrified when all that came out was a drunken mumble. Drool rolled out of the side of his mouth and down his chin.
What little reality there was came to him like snatches of scenes from a movie flickering in and out of focus. He was partially awake now and he was being jostled around on the floor board of a car. His car. He recognized the feel of the engine slowing and accelerating each time it took another winding turn. He fought to regain his senses as his body rocked with the motion of the car but the effort only made him more disoriented until suddenly, he turned his head and vomited on the rough carpet that was chafing against the side of his face. He blacked out for a few minutes and when he came to again everything was even more unclear, with only fragments of voices and wispy impressions flitting here and there through his mind as everything slowly faded to black.
Query- Severed Ties (Revision #3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne learns her son is dead. When her dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, Suzanne is convinced that he is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an adjoining bedroom reveals the truth.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne learns her son is dead. When her dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, Suzanne is convinced that he is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an adjoining bedroom reveals the truth.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
The Eternal Link Query Letter
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of nowhere, and the evil wizard Valmont arrives in the future ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All of this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wanted to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina manages her ever growing powers and accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than dust below her feet.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of nowhere, and the evil wizard Valmont arrives in the future ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All of this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wanted to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina manages her ever growing powers and accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than dust below her feet.
Query- Severed Ties (Revision #2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an ajoining bedroom reveals everything Suzanne has been searching for. Caleb is alive.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an ajoining bedroom reveals everything Suzanne has been searching for. Caleb is alive.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Apr 15, 2009
Thank You
I try to read every query and every comment on this blog. It's tough, but I try. Many of you have thanked me for starting this and maintaining it, but I can only take partial credit for it. Sure, it was my idea and I moderate it, but the real benefit is not from me. It's from all of you who read the queries and offer your input.
I also need to spread that thanks out to everyone who has helped promote this blog, especially Nathan Bransford, who included a link in one of his This Week in Publishing posts and helped me go from 56 visits one day to 473 the next. He's also gracious enough to allow the occasional link in the comments on his blog. Janet Reid has also allowed links in the comments on her blog. If, by any odd chance, there is someone reading this who has not yet visited either of the aforementioned agent blogs, you really need to check them out.
Some time I'll be adding on links to other writing-centric blogs. There are many good ones out there that help you delve deeper into the craft, like The Innocent Flower, the QueryTracker blog, and The Literary Lab, and some that are fun ways to stretch your creative muscles, like Come in Character.
So thanks all the way around, and good luck!
Oh, and one shameless plug. I have another blog, My Daley Rant, where I let loose with life's little absurdities. If you really want to thank me, stop by there and leave a comment!
I also need to spread that thanks out to everyone who has helped promote this blog, especially Nathan Bransford, who included a link in one of his This Week in Publishing posts and helped me go from 56 visits one day to 473 the next. He's also gracious enough to allow the occasional link in the comments on his blog. Janet Reid has also allowed links in the comments on her blog. If, by any odd chance, there is someone reading this who has not yet visited either of the aforementioned agent blogs, you really need to check them out.
Some time I'll be adding on links to other writing-centric blogs. There are many good ones out there that help you delve deeper into the craft, like The Innocent Flower, the QueryTracker blog, and The Literary Lab, and some that are fun ways to stretch your creative muscles, like Come in Character.
So thanks all the way around, and good luck!
Oh, and one shameless plug. I have another blog, My Daley Rant, where I let loose with life's little absurdities. If you really want to thank me, stop by there and leave a comment!
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