Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
The Crucible of Silver is a middle grade (and up) talking animal story completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost his home and loved ones. Now he has to join the squirrel community, and their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a squirrel female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who burned down his home in a planned "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated. Squirrel mating rituals can get a little hairy too. Silver finds that out when Sandy dumps him in a fit of spring fever.
But Silver won't give up. He's determined to win Sandy as his own, and to save the community from predation and forgive the ones who hurt him so badly. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way Silver's life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game.
Nov 14, 2010
The End Begins - 7th Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
The Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. For Raiana Okard, an under appreciated academic, she could feel the change when she surpassed everyone’s expectations and became a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in the world she knew was shattered when she discovers her people are being harvested for the power-giving crystals in their bodies. Just before she succumbs to the same fate, the price for her snooping, she escapes to the United States.
Targeted as a threat to her oppressors, The Coalition, Rai trades her services to a military union for protection, whose might is a derivative of her own power – melding human flesh to supercharged quartz. On the turn of a dime, shaky peace will become undeniable war. And the Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens. With no choice but to follow their orders, Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources.
Rai’s will to survive is constantly tested as fatigue sets in. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere, but must remain vigilant in adapting to their offenses. While The Union gains momentum, Rai’s loyalty waivers once she realizes her decisions could inadvertently bring about her community’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
The Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. For Raiana Okard, an under appreciated academic, she could feel the change when she surpassed everyone’s expectations and became a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in the world she knew was shattered when she discovers her people are being harvested for the power-giving crystals in their bodies. Just before she succumbs to the same fate, the price for her snooping, she escapes to the United States.
Targeted as a threat to her oppressors, The Coalition, Rai trades her services to a military union for protection, whose might is a derivative of her own power – melding human flesh to supercharged quartz. On the turn of a dime, shaky peace will become undeniable war. And the Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens. With no choice but to follow their orders, Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources.
Rai’s will to survive is constantly tested as fatigue sets in. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere, but must remain vigilant in adapting to their offenses. While The Union gains momentum, Rai’s loyalty waivers once she realizes her decisions could inadvertently bring about her community’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Nov 8, 2010
Contest- Win a Query Critique
Attention Slushpile followers:
Would you like your query critiqued by a professional editor?
Lynnette Labelle is offering to do just that. Check out this post on her blog for details. The deadline for submissions is Friday, November 12.
For more information on Lynette's editing services, check out her website.
Would you like your query critiqued by a professional editor?
Lynnette Labelle is offering to do just that. Check out this post on her blog for details. The deadline for submissions is Friday, November 12.
For more information on Lynette's editing services, check out her website.
Thank you, Nathan Bransford
For those of you trapped under rocks* or otherwise cut off from the world's most pressing news, Nathan Bransford announced last week that he will be leaving the world of agenting to take a position in social media for CNET.
I launched this blog on March 6, 2009. According to Google Analytics there were 30 visits that day. I was elated on Thursday the 12th when the site had 56 visitors. And the next day, Nathan Bransford mentioned the Public Query Slushpile on his blog. The site had 473 visits that day! That invaluable boost gave the Slushpile the momentum it needed, giving us all queries to read and attracting many talented people to share their feedback through the comments.
Nathan has been kind to many of us, offering encouragement, advice, and general sanity through his blog. I've even emailed him several one-off questions, and he answered every one (usually the same day I emailed him).
I would almost expect Nathan to save the world, if he wasn't busy breaking the universe with a cosmic space ka-pow.
Good luck Nathan. Thanks for all your support!
*Anyone seen 127 Hours? I bet even that guy knows.
I launched this blog on March 6, 2009. According to Google Analytics there were 30 visits that day. I was elated on Thursday the 12th when the site had 56 visitors. And the next day, Nathan Bransford mentioned the Public Query Slushpile on his blog. The site had 473 visits that day! That invaluable boost gave the Slushpile the momentum it needed, giving us all queries to read and attracting many talented people to share their feedback through the comments.
Nathan has been kind to many of us, offering encouragement, advice, and general sanity through his blog. I've even emailed him several one-off questions, and he answered every one (usually the same day I emailed him).
I would almost expect Nathan to save the world, if he wasn't busy breaking the universe with a cosmic space ka-pow.
Good luck Nathan. Thanks for all your support!
*Anyone seen 127 Hours? I bet even that guy knows.
Nov 7, 2010
Query - All Because of You (Third Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Future Agent,
Forced to kill for sport until the age of sixteen, Adelaide Banvard has been kept at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the man she feels indebted to for saving her life. For ten years she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands. But Adelaide finally has the chance to escape this existence of violence, eager to live a life of her own.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is an 85,000-word suspense. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia and would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Future Agent,
Forced to kill for sport until the age of sixteen, Adelaide Banvard has been kept at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the man she feels indebted to for saving her life. For ten years she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands. But Adelaide finally has the chance to escape this existence of violence, eager to live a life of her own.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is an 85,000-word suspense. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia and would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Nov 4, 2010
QUERY- THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH
Dear Agent,
If only Chloe Carmichael had known of her powers sooner. She might have had time to mentally prepare for the chaos that would soon ensue. Chloe is a 16 year old student at Whitney Young High School. She’s popular, she’s attractive, her parents are rich, and she truly believes she’s going insane.
THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH is complete at 74,000 words, and is young adult science fiction. Chloe's life begins to unravel as a series of unexplained occurrences take place. Her boyfriend dies a ghastly death - which she saw prior to it occurring. She begins to hear voices, see people that don’t exist, and objects mysteriously begin to move when she is angry. These things transpire as she attempts to cope with her deteriorating relationship with her mother, which only proves to further confuse her. Christopher Thomas, a new student, insists things aren’t as they seem in her perfectly created world. Chloe is faced with an unfathomable choice: Join Chris and his friends as super humans or remain in her sheltered monotonous life. The only complication: She may lose who she is to become who she always was.
I joined the military immediately after high school and because of this have no shortage of characters to choose from when I write. I am a Paralegal, a wife, and a mother to three beautiful children.
The entire novel or partial can be sent at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
If only Chloe Carmichael had known of her powers sooner. She might have had time to mentally prepare for the chaos that would soon ensue. Chloe is a 16 year old student at Whitney Young High School. She’s popular, she’s attractive, her parents are rich, and she truly believes she’s going insane.
THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH is complete at 74,000 words, and is young adult science fiction. Chloe's life begins to unravel as a series of unexplained occurrences take place. Her boyfriend dies a ghastly death - which she saw prior to it occurring. She begins to hear voices, see people that don’t exist, and objects mysteriously begin to move when she is angry. These things transpire as she attempts to cope with her deteriorating relationship with her mother, which only proves to further confuse her. Christopher Thomas, a new student, insists things aren’t as they seem in her perfectly created world. Chloe is faced with an unfathomable choice: Join Chris and his friends as super humans or remain in her sheltered monotonous life. The only complication: She may lose who she is to become who she always was.
I joined the military immediately after high school and because of this have no shortage of characters to choose from when I write. I am a Paralegal, a wife, and a mother to three beautiful children.
The entire novel or partial can be sent at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: The End Begins - Sixth Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Raiana Draco thought The Nine was an academy created for the expressed purpose of training its students of the magically inclined. She never would have thought that her father, long gone from her life, was responsible for merging human flesh with a synthetic crystal to produce their magnificent power. On top of that, then made a permanent trading agreement - their people for “protection” from the outside world.
With the truth discovered, she escapes to the United States. Hunted by the academy in a world nearly devoid of magic, she survives by soliciting her services to a military alliance that wage a secret war against her people’s oppressor.
THE END BEGINS is a 90,000 science fiction novel that follows Rai’s travels as fatigue, persecution, and traitorous minds pushes her limits as her people die from the crystal extraction process that only her father has the answers to stop.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Raiana Draco thought The Nine was an academy created for the expressed purpose of training its students of the magically inclined. She never would have thought that her father, long gone from her life, was responsible for merging human flesh with a synthetic crystal to produce their magnificent power. On top of that, then made a permanent trading agreement - their people for “protection” from the outside world.
With the truth discovered, she escapes to the United States. Hunted by the academy in a world nearly devoid of magic, she survives by soliciting her services to a military alliance that wage a secret war against her people’s oppressor.
THE END BEGINS is a 90,000 science fiction novel that follows Rai’s travels as fatigue, persecution, and traitorous minds pushes her limits as her people die from the crystal extraction process that only her father has the answers to stop.
Nov 3, 2010
QUERY- CINDER CLOUDS
Click here to read the original query (originally titled THE CHRONICLES OF CHRISTMAS).
A research team drilling ice cores at the North Pole finds something amazing buried deep in the ice: a book that tells the origins of Santa Claus.
Jason didn’t come to the North Pole with his father to learn about global warming, he just wants to see Santa Claus. After weeks surrounded by nothing but a few stuffy scientists and a whole lot of cold, Jason loses faith. But when an ice core comes back with a book embedded in it – a book that proves the existence of Santa – they face a tough decision: keep the book and get rich, or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner.
The book tells the tale of Kris Kringle. Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is raised by the Elfs of the Woodland Glen, even though contact with humans goes against eons of Elfin law. Kris is desperate to find his real family. When a lead points him to the town of Oldenton, Kris convinces the High Council to allow him to search for his family by delivering a present to each child in Oldenton on Christmas Day, as long as no human sees him. But there’s a catch: Kris – and any Elf who helps him – must leave the Glen immediately. The High Council is convinced that humans are greedy, destructive creatures, and unless Kris can bring back proof that human virtue exists, neither he nor the Elfs who join him will be allowed to return.
Bound by a stringent set of rules, Kris and two dozen Elfs set off for the legendary Great Northern Glen to set up base camp for their operation. When Christmas Day arrives, Kris – known as “the man in the cinder clouds” after an accident involving a chimney – learns his true family has been with him his entire life, and he proves that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
CINDER CLOUDS is a 34,500-word middle-grade novel written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack.
A note on style: the book was written by an Elf. Elfs always capitalize the E, and never convert the f to a v. That’s a human thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
A research team drilling ice cores at the North Pole finds something amazing buried deep in the ice: a book that tells the origins of Santa Claus.
Jason didn’t come to the North Pole with his father to learn about global warming, he just wants to see Santa Claus. After weeks surrounded by nothing but a few stuffy scientists and a whole lot of cold, Jason loses faith. But when an ice core comes back with a book embedded in it – a book that proves the existence of Santa – they face a tough decision: keep the book and get rich, or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner.
The book tells the tale of Kris Kringle. Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is raised by the Elfs of the Woodland Glen, even though contact with humans goes against eons of Elfin law. Kris is desperate to find his real family. When a lead points him to the town of Oldenton, Kris convinces the High Council to allow him to search for his family by delivering a present to each child in Oldenton on Christmas Day, as long as no human sees him. But there’s a catch: Kris – and any Elf who helps him – must leave the Glen immediately. The High Council is convinced that humans are greedy, destructive creatures, and unless Kris can bring back proof that human virtue exists, neither he nor the Elfs who join him will be allowed to return.
Bound by a stringent set of rules, Kris and two dozen Elfs set off for the legendary Great Northern Glen to set up base camp for their operation. When Christmas Day arrives, Kris – known as “the man in the cinder clouds” after an accident involving a chimney – learns his true family has been with him his entire life, and he proves that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
CINDER CLOUDS is a 34,500-word middle-grade novel written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack.
A note on style: the book was written by an Elf. Elfs always capitalize the E, and never convert the f to a v. That’s a human thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Washed-YA Paranormal
Dear Agent,
Eighteen-year-old Luke Tremaine isn’t claiming he’s an angel, in fact he's far from it, but he never thought he was really bad,like going to the Underworld forever kind of bad.
See, according to Karma, a freaky supernatural entity, Luke’s on his hundredth reincarnated life and it seems that his trademark, couldn’t care less attitude has been a constant in every one of those past lives. Bottom line, he’s got a lot of making up to do with the souls he’s messed with over the years, or what Karma calls getting Washed.
As far as Luke’s concerned, the whole Washed plan has epic fail written all over it. Seriously, how’s he going to find all his so called jobs since, news flash, he has no idea who they are. And even if he does, how’s he supposed to fix up with them, he’s not exactly a giving kind of guy?
But when Moveora, Karma’s gnarly evil twin, shows a vested interest in Luke doing his job,the whole game plan changes. Suddenly it’s not just his neck on the line because Moveora’s got Luke’s best friend Daria in her claws and if Luke knows what’s good for him, he’ll follow the Washed plan to the tee, otherwise Daria will be the one paying for his mistakes.
Washed is Young Adult Paranormal complete at about 68,000. I can be reached at the address provided. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks so much,any comments will be appreciated.D
Eighteen-year-old Luke Tremaine isn’t claiming he’s an angel, in fact he's far from it, but he never thought he was really bad,like going to the Underworld forever kind of bad.
See, according to Karma, a freaky supernatural entity, Luke’s on his hundredth reincarnated life and it seems that his trademark, couldn’t care less attitude has been a constant in every one of those past lives. Bottom line, he’s got a lot of making up to do with the souls he’s messed with over the years, or what Karma calls getting Washed.
As far as Luke’s concerned, the whole Washed plan has epic fail written all over it. Seriously, how’s he going to find all his so called jobs since, news flash, he has no idea who they are. And even if he does, how’s he supposed to fix up with them, he’s not exactly a giving kind of guy?
But when Moveora, Karma’s gnarly evil twin, shows a vested interest in Luke doing his job,the whole game plan changes. Suddenly it’s not just his neck on the line because Moveora’s got Luke’s best friend Daria in her claws and if Luke knows what’s good for him, he’ll follow the Washed plan to the tee, otherwise Daria will be the one paying for his mistakes.
Washed is Young Adult Paranormal complete at about 68,000. I can be reached at the address provided. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks so much,any comments will be appreciated.D
Oct 28, 2010
Query- DAGGER ( FIRST REVISION )
Click here to read the original query.
Thirteen-year-old Nathan Dagger must transform himself from a chubby video gaming geek, into a strong and fearless warrior.
OPAL, the omni- psychic assassin league, believes Nathan has a powerful remote viewing gift. Locking onto their ruthless enemy Zafaar, and challenging him to a psychic battle is the mission assigned to him. The problem is, there is no getting out of this fight to the death.
An elaborate plan of deception is set in place to test and train Nathan. He is tried physically and mentally for ten agonizing weeks, using military drills and psychological tactics, designed to push him to his breaking point, and test his morals. Throughout his trials, and radical metamorphosis from a weakling into a fierce soldier, Nathan must discover the awesome power and the terrible curse of his hidden gifts. Only then can he enter the mysterious world of OPAL, where advanced technology is merged with psychic abilities to fight evil.
Deep underground in OPAL’s command center, Nathan is told the shocking news about Zafaar. He was an agent of OPAL, but turned traitor when he got denied leadership of the mind control program. Now he commands a radical organization with a dark ideology. His goal, purify the earth of anyone weak or unwilling to serve him. Cloaking his mind from OPAL, is the key to Zafaar’s success. Underestimating Nathan as a lethal enemy, is the biggest mistake he can make.
DAGGER is an 86,000 word paranormal young adult novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Thirteen-year-old Nathan Dagger must transform himself from a chubby video gaming geek, into a strong and fearless warrior.
OPAL, the omni- psychic assassin league, believes Nathan has a powerful remote viewing gift. Locking onto their ruthless enemy Zafaar, and challenging him to a psychic battle is the mission assigned to him. The problem is, there is no getting out of this fight to the death.
An elaborate plan of deception is set in place to test and train Nathan. He is tried physically and mentally for ten agonizing weeks, using military drills and psychological tactics, designed to push him to his breaking point, and test his morals. Throughout his trials, and radical metamorphosis from a weakling into a fierce soldier, Nathan must discover the awesome power and the terrible curse of his hidden gifts. Only then can he enter the mysterious world of OPAL, where advanced technology is merged with psychic abilities to fight evil.
Deep underground in OPAL’s command center, Nathan is told the shocking news about Zafaar. He was an agent of OPAL, but turned traitor when he got denied leadership of the mind control program. Now he commands a radical organization with a dark ideology. His goal, purify the earth of anyone weak or unwilling to serve him. Cloaking his mind from OPAL, is the key to Zafaar’s success. Underestimating Nathan as a lethal enemy, is the biggest mistake he can make.
DAGGER is an 86,000 word paranormal young adult novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Oct 26, 2010
The End Begins - Fifth Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent of my Dreams,
Out of a closed community of the Magic Academy of the Nine, the newest evolution of Man proceeds. But Raiana Draco, one of their top students, discovered its plot to use students as a means to power a warring nations’ fleet. Her punishment? She’s signed up to be made into a battery. But thanks to the loving instructor she escaped into a fractured United States.
Hunted by the academy and its ally, The Coalition of United Territories, in a world nearly devoid of magic, she must survive a science driven society by soliciting her services to a military union who wages a secret war against them.
With war already in motion, she quickly gains her commander’s trust and is assigned to a special team to protect the countries last stockpile of vital resources.
But not all is what it seems.
Rai and her company must traverse the hostile territory as they are pushed to their limits by fatigue, persecution, and misled by a traitorous mind. But the wolf among their sheep discovers his union’s details about the stockade. An emergency wormhole device designed to retrieve other agents of war from alternate worlds.
The C.U.T. need their homegrown batteries to make it work. And only her father has the answers for them to stop them.
The traitor leads to the companies escape and advance on their mission, but they must remain vigilant. They race against time and decaying moral, unsure what awaits them at the end of their road: salvation or destruction.
THE END BEGINS is a Science Fiction story at 90,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent of my Dreams,
Out of a closed community of the Magic Academy of the Nine, the newest evolution of Man proceeds. But Raiana Draco, one of their top students, discovered its plot to use students as a means to power a warring nations’ fleet. Her punishment? She’s signed up to be made into a battery. But thanks to the loving instructor she escaped into a fractured United States.
Hunted by the academy and its ally, The Coalition of United Territories, in a world nearly devoid of magic, she must survive a science driven society by soliciting her services to a military union who wages a secret war against them.
With war already in motion, she quickly gains her commander’s trust and is assigned to a special team to protect the countries last stockpile of vital resources.
But not all is what it seems.
Rai and her company must traverse the hostile territory as they are pushed to their limits by fatigue, persecution, and misled by a traitorous mind. But the wolf among their sheep discovers his union’s details about the stockade. An emergency wormhole device designed to retrieve other agents of war from alternate worlds.
The C.U.T. need their homegrown batteries to make it work. And only her father has the answers for them to stop them.
The traitor leads to the companies escape and advance on their mission, but they must remain vigilant. They race against time and decaying moral, unsure what awaits them at the end of their road: salvation or destruction.
THE END BEGINS is a Science Fiction story at 90,000 words.
Possessed - Fourth Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the scond revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
Nineteen year-old Gabriel is not supposed to remember who he is or what he has done. But the White Horizon Research Center's pyschological experiment fails.
Everything that Gabriel thought was real turns out to be a product of radiation, electrodes, and drugs – including his identity as a young midshipman in the Napoleonic War.
It doesn’t help when the angry voices of the high school jocks he murdered five years ago return.
They want revenge. He hates himself for what he did to them.
Locked in a debriefing room, Gabriel and two other patients overhear the doctors make the decision to kill them and terminate their illegal project. Gabriel discovers that his troubled cousin has already escaped in a violent rage. The experiments drove her insane. They find a way out of the facility, but Gabriel`s cousin stalks them. She wants to kill them.
Gabriel will have to find a way to keep himself - and his new friends - alive without harming his cousin. But there is nothing that can save him from the afterlife. Everyone knows that there is no way out of eternal damnation for a cold blooded killer.
Possessed is a young adult supernatural thriller with a word count of 56,000 words.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration of my work.
Sincerely,
Sara Kjeldsen
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the scond revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
Nineteen year-old Gabriel is not supposed to remember who he is or what he has done. But the White Horizon Research Center's pyschological experiment fails.
Everything that Gabriel thought was real turns out to be a product of radiation, electrodes, and drugs – including his identity as a young midshipman in the Napoleonic War.
It doesn’t help when the angry voices of the high school jocks he murdered five years ago return.
They want revenge. He hates himself for what he did to them.
Locked in a debriefing room, Gabriel and two other patients overhear the doctors make the decision to kill them and terminate their illegal project. Gabriel discovers that his troubled cousin has already escaped in a violent rage. The experiments drove her insane. They find a way out of the facility, but Gabriel`s cousin stalks them. She wants to kill them.
Gabriel will have to find a way to keep himself - and his new friends - alive without harming his cousin. But there is nothing that can save him from the afterlife. Everyone knows that there is no way out of eternal damnation for a cold blooded killer.
Possessed is a young adult supernatural thriller with a word count of 56,000 words.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration of my work.
Sincerely,
Sara Kjeldsen
Oct 25, 2010
Sample Pages - Liquid Smoke
Click here to read the query.
Rick got up off of the couch and reached into the inner lining of his jacket. He pulled out a large manila envelope and tossed it on the coffee table in front of Danny.
Danny reached over and snatched the envelope off of the table. He eyed it closely and then looked up at Rick. "What's this?"
"Just open it."
Danny peeled the top of the envelope open and dumped out the contents. Photos and papers fluttered to the coffee table.
"What am I looking at?" Danny asked.
Rick bent down and began sifting through the paperwork. He pulled an old photo of a boy from the stack and held it up for Danny to see.
"Carlos Rimerez, age ten in the photo. He was number twelve in the group."
Danny studied the photo. It was an eight-by-ten snapshot of a boy with black curly hair and olive skin, standing awkwardly in front of a smooth concrete wall. His large, chocolate brown eyes stared back at Danny with fear. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and his statistics were scrawled in tiny block letters across the bottom of the photo.
Rick riffled through the rest of the paperwork until he found what he was looking for. He shoved a single page of a newspaper into Danny's hands and pointed at a circled article in the paper.
Danny leaned in close to read it, only to find the entire paper was in Spanish.
"This kid was shipped to Mexico to live with his grandparents after the program ended," Rick said. "He died two years ago. Local Federales claim he committed suicide by driving his car straight into the Rio Grande."
"So what if he did?" asked Danny.
"They located his car at the bottom of the river about two hundred miles away from Santiago, where he lived with his grandparents," Rick said, "Why would he drive almost two hundred miles away from his hometown to commit suicide?"
"Maybe the kid had some thinking to do before he died," Danny said, shrugging.
Rick nodded, "Okay, good point."
He riffled through the paperwork and pulled another photograph out of the stack. He slid it across the papers so that it came to a stop in front of Danny.
"Patricia Clark, age thirteen in the photo. She was number eleven in the group." Rick said, pointing to the photo of a dark haired, green eyed little girl standing in front of the same bland cement wall. She was also wearing a white t-shirt and the same tiny, blocked handwriting was scribbled on her photograph.
"What happened to her?" Danny asked.
"She lived in West Virginia with her aunt and uncle. Approximately twenty-two months ago she cut the padlock on her uncle's gun cabinet and blasted a hole through the back of her skull with a single-action semi-automatic pistol," Rick said, pulling a stack of photos out from underneath the pile and slapping them down in front of Danny.
Danny looked down at the photos and scowled. They were vivid pictures of Patricia sprawled out on the floor in front of an opened gun cabinet, blood splattered down the wall behind her.
"What did the police have to say about that one?"
"They ruled it a suicide. Funny thing is the uncle swears the girl never touched a gun her entire life and wouldn't know how to use one."
Danny had never fired a gun either, let alone had one in his house for Jenna to accidently stumble upon.
"So? Don't kids accidently shoot themselves all the time?" Danny asked.
Rick grimaced, "A single-action semi-automatic pistol can only be cocked by operating the slide or cocking the hammer manually if a round is already in the chamber. The uncle claims the gun was not loaded. His gun cabinet was stacked with bullets for several different types of guns. Let's say even though Patricia had an aversion to guns, never even touching one before, that she knew what ammo to load in the pistol and knew how to load it, cock it and unlock the safety on the handle. Then it would make sense that it would be pretty easy for her to take the next step and end her life."
"Okay, so what am I missing here?" Danny asked.
"Uncle claims not only was the gun not loaded, but he had taken it apart to clean it the day before and wasn't finished cleaning it when Patricia had apparently put it back together, selected the correct bullets to load into the chamber and then used it to blow her brains out." Rick said.
"So you think this Brad kid somehow drove Carlos' car into the river with him in it and then a few months after that broke into a gun cabinet in this Patricia's uncle's house, put the uncle's pistol back together and forced Patricia to shoot herself with it?" Danny asked.
Whatever Rick was trying to tell Danny didn't make sense. This Brad maybe tried killing Jenna at the facility when she was eight and eleven years later kills a couple members of this disbanded secret group of kids?
"Not convinced yet?" Rick asked. He pushed another photo of a child in front of Danny's face.
"Stephanie Haze, age ten in the photo, group member ten. Hung herself in her college dorm room in New York eighteen months ago," Rick said, replacing the photo of the little girl with one of a young woman's body hanging by a thick rope over a twin bed littered with stuffed animals.
Another photo was thrown at Danny.
"Daren Childs, age twelve here, group member nine. Mauled to death seventeen months ago by a black bear in the woods of South Dakota."
Rick slipped another photo in front of Danny with a barely recognizable body ripped to shreds, lying in a patch of grass next to some trees.
Another photo.
"Katie Benson, age nine, member eight. Slipped and fell down three flights of stairs at a hotel in Florida and broke her neck thirteen months ago."
Rick pushed more photos of the grown-up Katie Benson into Danny's hands. Her body rested at the foot of a flight of stairs, left leg curled underneath her, right arm splayed at an unnatural angle, tangled in a thick mess of dirty blonde hair. Her vacant eyes stared directly at Danny.
"Jack Fox, second oldest of the group at fifteen, seventh member. Overdosed on Vicodin twelve months ago," Rick said as he flipped two photos over to Danny—one of the fifteen year old Fox, the next of an adult male lying facedown on a dirty couch. A trail of vomit led from the edge of the couch to a small pool formed on the floor.
"Do I really need to continue or are you getting this now?" Rick asked in exasperation.
Danny sat still on the couch, surrounded by photos of young children interspersed with photos of their older, dead selves. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the pictures.
"Member six is Steve LaFonde, age ten in this photo here," Rick said, holding up the picture, "Slit his own throat on a beach right here in Washington a little over eight weeks ago."
Rick held up the other photo of a young man lying next to a smooth log on the rocky beach, blood pooled around his head.
Danny's blood ran cold as Rick threw the pictures at him. He knew the kid in this photo. It was the obituary he was reading on Jenna's last morning home before returning to college.
Rick got up off of the couch and reached into the inner lining of his jacket. He pulled out a large manila envelope and tossed it on the coffee table in front of Danny.
Danny reached over and snatched the envelope off of the table. He eyed it closely and then looked up at Rick. "What's this?"
"Just open it."
Danny peeled the top of the envelope open and dumped out the contents. Photos and papers fluttered to the coffee table.
"What am I looking at?" Danny asked.
Rick bent down and began sifting through the paperwork. He pulled an old photo of a boy from the stack and held it up for Danny to see.
"Carlos Rimerez, age ten in the photo. He was number twelve in the group."
Danny studied the photo. It was an eight-by-ten snapshot of a boy with black curly hair and olive skin, standing awkwardly in front of a smooth concrete wall. His large, chocolate brown eyes stared back at Danny with fear. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and his statistics were scrawled in tiny block letters across the bottom of the photo.
Rick riffled through the rest of the paperwork until he found what he was looking for. He shoved a single page of a newspaper into Danny's hands and pointed at a circled article in the paper.
Danny leaned in close to read it, only to find the entire paper was in Spanish.
"This kid was shipped to Mexico to live with his grandparents after the program ended," Rick said. "He died two years ago. Local Federales claim he committed suicide by driving his car straight into the Rio Grande."
"So what if he did?" asked Danny.
"They located his car at the bottom of the river about two hundred miles away from Santiago, where he lived with his grandparents," Rick said, "Why would he drive almost two hundred miles away from his hometown to commit suicide?"
"Maybe the kid had some thinking to do before he died," Danny said, shrugging.
Rick nodded, "Okay, good point."
He riffled through the paperwork and pulled another photograph out of the stack. He slid it across the papers so that it came to a stop in front of Danny.
"Patricia Clark, age thirteen in the photo. She was number eleven in the group." Rick said, pointing to the photo of a dark haired, green eyed little girl standing in front of the same bland cement wall. She was also wearing a white t-shirt and the same tiny, blocked handwriting was scribbled on her photograph.
"What happened to her?" Danny asked.
"She lived in West Virginia with her aunt and uncle. Approximately twenty-two months ago she cut the padlock on her uncle's gun cabinet and blasted a hole through the back of her skull with a single-action semi-automatic pistol," Rick said, pulling a stack of photos out from underneath the pile and slapping them down in front of Danny.
Danny looked down at the photos and scowled. They were vivid pictures of Patricia sprawled out on the floor in front of an opened gun cabinet, blood splattered down the wall behind her.
"What did the police have to say about that one?"
"They ruled it a suicide. Funny thing is the uncle swears the girl never touched a gun her entire life and wouldn't know how to use one."
Danny had never fired a gun either, let alone had one in his house for Jenna to accidently stumble upon.
"So? Don't kids accidently shoot themselves all the time?" Danny asked.
Rick grimaced, "A single-action semi-automatic pistol can only be cocked by operating the slide or cocking the hammer manually if a round is already in the chamber. The uncle claims the gun was not loaded. His gun cabinet was stacked with bullets for several different types of guns. Let's say even though Patricia had an aversion to guns, never even touching one before, that she knew what ammo to load in the pistol and knew how to load it, cock it and unlock the safety on the handle. Then it would make sense that it would be pretty easy for her to take the next step and end her life."
"Okay, so what am I missing here?" Danny asked.
"Uncle claims not only was the gun not loaded, but he had taken it apart to clean it the day before and wasn't finished cleaning it when Patricia had apparently put it back together, selected the correct bullets to load into the chamber and then used it to blow her brains out." Rick said.
"So you think this Brad kid somehow drove Carlos' car into the river with him in it and then a few months after that broke into a gun cabinet in this Patricia's uncle's house, put the uncle's pistol back together and forced Patricia to shoot herself with it?" Danny asked.
Whatever Rick was trying to tell Danny didn't make sense. This Brad maybe tried killing Jenna at the facility when she was eight and eleven years later kills a couple members of this disbanded secret group of kids?
"Not convinced yet?" Rick asked. He pushed another photo of a child in front of Danny's face.
"Stephanie Haze, age ten in the photo, group member ten. Hung herself in her college dorm room in New York eighteen months ago," Rick said, replacing the photo of the little girl with one of a young woman's body hanging by a thick rope over a twin bed littered with stuffed animals.
Another photo was thrown at Danny.
"Daren Childs, age twelve here, group member nine. Mauled to death seventeen months ago by a black bear in the woods of South Dakota."
Rick slipped another photo in front of Danny with a barely recognizable body ripped to shreds, lying in a patch of grass next to some trees.
Another photo.
"Katie Benson, age nine, member eight. Slipped and fell down three flights of stairs at a hotel in Florida and broke her neck thirteen months ago."
Rick pushed more photos of the grown-up Katie Benson into Danny's hands. Her body rested at the foot of a flight of stairs, left leg curled underneath her, right arm splayed at an unnatural angle, tangled in a thick mess of dirty blonde hair. Her vacant eyes stared directly at Danny.
"Jack Fox, second oldest of the group at fifteen, seventh member. Overdosed on Vicodin twelve months ago," Rick said as he flipped two photos over to Danny—one of the fifteen year old Fox, the next of an adult male lying facedown on a dirty couch. A trail of vomit led from the edge of the couch to a small pool formed on the floor.
"Do I really need to continue or are you getting this now?" Rick asked in exasperation.
Danny sat still on the couch, surrounded by photos of young children interspersed with photos of their older, dead selves. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the pictures.
"Member six is Steve LaFonde, age ten in this photo here," Rick said, holding up the picture, "Slit his own throat on a beach right here in Washington a little over eight weeks ago."
Rick held up the other photo of a young man lying next to a smooth log on the rocky beach, blood pooled around his head.
Danny's blood ran cold as Rick threw the pictures at him. He knew the kid in this photo. It was the obituary he was reading on Jenna's last morning home before returning to college.
Query- Liquid Smoke
Click here to read the sample pages.
Dear Fantastic Agent,
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny is forced to team up with his long-standing enemy to revisit the past and uncover the true reason behind the government program she was forced to participate in when she was a child.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
Dear Fantastic Agent,
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny is forced to team up with his long-standing enemy to revisit the past and uncover the true reason behind the government program she was forced to participate in when she was a child.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
Oct 24, 2010
QUERY: THE ODD I SEE (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Please consider representing my novel THE ODD I SEE, a 71,000-word work of slipstream fiction.
After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and entry into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fifi wants to know why she ought to bother existing.
Twenty-two year old Fifi works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her surrealistic worldview with modern middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, Fifi uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.
I am writing to you because I connected with your interview on Guide to Literary Agents, your submission guidelines, and (novel you represented). An excerpt of this novel was published in the spring 2009 edition of the Newport Review literary magazine. A separate excerpt was published in the 2006 edition of Loyola University Chicago’s annual literary journal, Cadence. I can be reached by phone at ### ### ####, by email at bre@jamstage.net, or by postal mail at 123 XYZ St.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best regards,
Bre Kidman
----------------------------------------
SIDEBAR: This is a small revision, I guess, but I'm having trouble packing more info into such a small space. Eep!
Also, a question: When an agent asks for a certain number of sample pages, should one take the number of pages, multiply by 250, and include that number of words? Is it safe to take that number of pages out of a Word document and include those? How does one calculate the length of a ten page excerpt?
Thanks for reading!!!
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Please consider representing my novel THE ODD I SEE, a 71,000-word work of slipstream fiction.
After a falling out with her favorite hallucination, a half-assed stay in the loony bin, and entry into the “real world” by way of college graduation, Fifi wants to know why she ought to bother existing.
Twenty-two year old Fifi works an underachiever’s dream job while struggling to reconcile her surrealistic worldview with modern middle-class American living. Her maybe-imaginary vampire lover tries to convince her that she'll become part of a constellation if she kills herself. On the other hand, her real-life boyfriend (whom she met while having an adventure in the art of pretending to be a prostitute) seems a solid case for divine intervention in a world Fifi deems just shy of apocalypse. Unsure of her continued interest in the business of existence, Fifi uses blue (and sometimes black) humor to systematically reason her way through the meaning of life and into a decision about whether the act of living is worth the effort.
I am writing to you because I connected with your interview on Guide to Literary Agents, your submission guidelines, and (novel you represented). An excerpt of this novel was published in the spring 2009 edition of the Newport Review literary magazine. A separate excerpt was published in the 2006 edition of Loyola University Chicago’s annual literary journal, Cadence. I can be reached by phone at ### ### ####, by email at bre@jamstage.net, or by postal mail at 123 XYZ St.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best regards,
Bre Kidman
----------------------------------------
SIDEBAR: This is a small revision, I guess, but I'm having trouble packing more info into such a small space. Eep!
Also, a question: When an agent asks for a certain number of sample pages, should one take the number of pages, multiply by 250, and include that number of words? Is it safe to take that number of pages out of a Word document and include those? How does one calculate the length of a ten page excerpt?
Thanks for reading!!!
Oct 22, 2010
Query- Possessed (Third Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Nineteen year-old Gabriel is not supposed to remember who he is or what he has done. However, the White Horizon Research Facility experiment fails.
Everything that Gabriel thought was real turns out to be a product of radiation, electrodes, and drugs – including his identity as a young midshipman in the Napoleonic War.
Gabriel's memory returns, along with the angry voices of those that he killed five years ago. They want revenge. He wishes he could erase what he did to them.
When Gabriel and two other participants are locked in a "debriefing room", they overhear the doctors' decision to euthenize them. The study is illegal. They are not supposed to be alive and one of the other "volunteers" - Gabriel's troubled cousin - has already escaped. They find a way out, but Gabriel's cousin will not rest until she kills all three of them. Wherever they go, she finds them.
Gabriel will have to find a way to keep himself - and his new friends - alive. But nothing can save him from the guilt and remorse he feels. Everyone knows that there is no way out of eternal damnation for a killer.
Possessed is a young adult supernatural thriller with a final word count of 56,000 words.
Thank you for taking the time to review my work.
Sincerely,
Sara Flower Kjeldsen
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Nineteen year-old Gabriel is not supposed to remember who he is or what he has done. However, the White Horizon Research Facility experiment fails.
Everything that Gabriel thought was real turns out to be a product of radiation, electrodes, and drugs – including his identity as a young midshipman in the Napoleonic War.
Gabriel's memory returns, along with the angry voices of those that he killed five years ago. They want revenge. He wishes he could erase what he did to them.
When Gabriel and two other participants are locked in a "debriefing room", they overhear the doctors' decision to euthenize them. The study is illegal. They are not supposed to be alive and one of the other "volunteers" - Gabriel's troubled cousin - has already escaped. They find a way out, but Gabriel's cousin will not rest until she kills all three of them. Wherever they go, she finds them.
Gabriel will have to find a way to keep himself - and his new friends - alive. But nothing can save him from the guilt and remorse he feels. Everyone knows that there is no way out of eternal damnation for a killer.
Possessed is a young adult supernatural thriller with a final word count of 56,000 words.
Thank you for taking the time to review my work.
Sincerely,
Sara Flower Kjeldsen
Oct 21, 2010
Query- Anti-Boys
Dear Agent,
America Van Roy has had enough of boys. After having her heart broken one last time, she decides to go without guys for a year, complete with a set of rules. However, after an accident involving a PE class and a flying football lands her in a very dizzy situation, America is rescued by a knight in shining armor. End of romantic story, right?
Wrong. Caleb Bartlette, the new kid in school, who everyone can't get enough of, tries every trick in the book to get America's attention, but she's not caving. Even though she finds him charming, handsome, and impossible to avoid, America won't show anyone what's going on inside her broken heart. Only when their new friendship is threatened by a stubborn parent, who wants to pick up and move away, will America be convinced to tell the truth.
In 63,000 words, my Young Adult novel, Anti-Boys, tells the story of a girl who has to learn to trust again, after many cruel heart breaks. Some of the best Young Adult novels are written by people who are young adults themselves. As a college sophomore, I find it easy to capture their emotions and tell a realistic story. Although this is my second novel, I am currently unpublished. I hope young adult readers will fall in love with the characters of Anti-Boys and find themselves able to relate to America's problems.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I hope I have captured your interest.
America Van Roy has had enough of boys. After having her heart broken one last time, she decides to go without guys for a year, complete with a set of rules. However, after an accident involving a PE class and a flying football lands her in a very dizzy situation, America is rescued by a knight in shining armor. End of romantic story, right?
Wrong. Caleb Bartlette, the new kid in school, who everyone can't get enough of, tries every trick in the book to get America's attention, but she's not caving. Even though she finds him charming, handsome, and impossible to avoid, America won't show anyone what's going on inside her broken heart. Only when their new friendship is threatened by a stubborn parent, who wants to pick up and move away, will America be convinced to tell the truth.
In 63,000 words, my Young Adult novel, Anti-Boys, tells the story of a girl who has to learn to trust again, after many cruel heart breaks. Some of the best Young Adult novels are written by people who are young adults themselves. As a college sophomore, I find it easy to capture their emotions and tell a realistic story. Although this is my second novel, I am currently unpublished. I hope young adult readers will fall in love with the characters of Anti-Boys and find themselves able to relate to America's problems.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I hope I have captured your interest.
Oct 20, 2010
Query - MY DEMONIC LOVE (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent name],
Betrayed by her angelic lover, Dendera is punished to live out her days as an immortal in a mortal’s world. She has no demonic powers left and the Afterlife grows into a far memory as she searches for a way to become mortal, realizing the only person who can help her is the man who cost her everything.
Dendera finds she’s not strong enough to keep her distance from her now mortal angel, stalking Ryan in the shadows of New York City for his own protection. Emotions Dendera never experienced as a demon are running high at the idea of letting herself trust him again, but Ryan isn’t her only problem.
An evil far more ancient and violent is out for revenge and the only thing it wants from Dendera is the mortal man she’s protecting.
MY DEMONIC LOVE is a completed work of paranormal romance at 90-000 words. Enclosed I have included [whatever they want]. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear [Agent name],
Betrayed by her angelic lover, Dendera is punished to live out her days as an immortal in a mortal’s world. She has no demonic powers left and the Afterlife grows into a far memory as she searches for a way to become mortal, realizing the only person who can help her is the man who cost her everything.
Dendera finds she’s not strong enough to keep her distance from her now mortal angel, stalking Ryan in the shadows of New York City for his own protection. Emotions Dendera never experienced as a demon are running high at the idea of letting herself trust him again, but Ryan isn’t her only problem.
An evil far more ancient and violent is out for revenge and the only thing it wants from Dendera is the mortal man she’s protecting.
MY DEMONIC LOVE is a completed work of paranormal romance at 90-000 words. Enclosed I have included [whatever they want]. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: BITCH (working title:)
Dear super agent,
BITCH.
Its what the kids in high school call Lilly Parker. Dumping Keegan Williams earned her the title, but now that he has fled his abusive stepfather and sought refuge at her house, she hopes to shake the label.
But there's a kink in every plan and Lilly's got a whole knot of them.
He mother turns traitor and offers Keegan a permanent place to stay against Lilly's protests.
Keegan's renewed presence ignites old passions, but why shouldn't it? She didn't break up with him because of him. She loved Keegan. It was his stepfather she couldn't handle. So she moved on.
Despite her new boyfriend's frequent disappearances for work, she's falling in love with him. Explaining why her ex is staying with her isn't going to be fun and avoiding it isn't possible. Or so she thinks.
For Lilly, problems don't just evaporate when her boyfriend leaves town and Keegan goes to live with his grandmother, they condense down to one kidnapper waiting for her in her bedroom.
Alone and scared and locked in a cage, she will do anything to get her complicated life back. Even if it means losing both of the boys she loves and tattooing the word BITCH on her forehead. Too bad for her, things are never that easy.
BITCH is a 60,000-word young adult paranormal romance novel and available upon request.
Thank you for you consideration.
Jodi
this is very rough. Give me what you have to pick about. I appreciate suggestions for fixes. Thanks in advance.
BITCH.
Its what the kids in high school call Lilly Parker. Dumping Keegan Williams earned her the title, but now that he has fled his abusive stepfather and sought refuge at her house, she hopes to shake the label.
But there's a kink in every plan and Lilly's got a whole knot of them.
He mother turns traitor and offers Keegan a permanent place to stay against Lilly's protests.
Keegan's renewed presence ignites old passions, but why shouldn't it? She didn't break up with him because of him. She loved Keegan. It was his stepfather she couldn't handle. So she moved on.
Despite her new boyfriend's frequent disappearances for work, she's falling in love with him. Explaining why her ex is staying with her isn't going to be fun and avoiding it isn't possible. Or so she thinks.
For Lilly, problems don't just evaporate when her boyfriend leaves town and Keegan goes to live with his grandmother, they condense down to one kidnapper waiting for her in her bedroom.
Alone and scared and locked in a cage, she will do anything to get her complicated life back. Even if it means losing both of the boys she loves and tattooing the word BITCH on her forehead. Too bad for her, things are never that easy.
BITCH is a 60,000-word young adult paranormal romance novel and available upon request.
Thank you for you consideration.
Jodi
this is very rough. Give me what you have to pick about. I appreciate suggestions for fixes. Thanks in advance.
Oct 19, 2010
QUERY - THE ACADEMY
Dear Public Query Slushpile,
At thirteen years old, Lucy Gibbons has her career set. She will follow in the footsteps of her late ballerina mother and become the principal female dancer of the Montgomery Ballet in England. With the school verging on bankruptcy, what better money-maker than a young ballerina taking over where her famous dead mother left off?
Or, at least, that's what her instructors at Montgomery's have in mind. All Lucy wants to do is enjoy her first year in England - make friends, explore London, perfect her arabesque, and find one straight boy in a sea of gays.
When she snags all the good roles, however, and meets all the right people, her fellow first years turn their noses up at her. Turns out it's pretty lonely at the top. She pulls some strings amongst her newfound connections and gains her best friend Alex a supporting role. Bad move. Alex isn't what they're looking for, and if Lucy doesn't fire her, Montgomery's might garnish a bad review and lose its sponsors.
THE ACADEMY is a young adult novel of 50,000 words that follows Lucy's journey from tutus and pointe shoes to every prima ballerina's ultimate dilemma: fame or friendship? Will Lucy please her instructors and follow her dreams, or does limelight really wreck a girl's complexion?
I am a dance teacher and bookseller with a bachelor's degree in English literature. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
At thirteen years old, Lucy Gibbons has her career set. She will follow in the footsteps of her late ballerina mother and become the principal female dancer of the Montgomery Ballet in England. With the school verging on bankruptcy, what better money-maker than a young ballerina taking over where her famous dead mother left off?
Or, at least, that's what her instructors at Montgomery's have in mind. All Lucy wants to do is enjoy her first year in England - make friends, explore London, perfect her arabesque, and find one straight boy in a sea of gays.
When she snags all the good roles, however, and meets all the right people, her fellow first years turn their noses up at her. Turns out it's pretty lonely at the top. She pulls some strings amongst her newfound connections and gains her best friend Alex a supporting role. Bad move. Alex isn't what they're looking for, and if Lucy doesn't fire her, Montgomery's might garnish a bad review and lose its sponsors.
THE ACADEMY is a young adult novel of 50,000 words that follows Lucy's journey from tutus and pointe shoes to every prima ballerina's ultimate dilemma: fame or friendship? Will Lucy please her instructors and follow her dreams, or does limelight really wreck a girl's complexion?
I am a dance teacher and bookseller with a bachelor's degree in English literature. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
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