Occasionally people submit queries without stating the genre in them. I label these queries as "Guess the Genre." I've also seen revisions come through where the genre changes.
Do you struggle to define the genre for your novel?
Maybe you're trying to think like an agent, or like a publisher. It can be tough for a novice writer to really see inside their heads. But picking the right genre can be simple. Just think like a reader:
If you went to buy your book at the bookstore, where would you go to look for it?
Bookstores are divided up into sections. Where would you go to look for your funny but heartwarming tale of love? Humor, literary fiction, or romance?
Go to a couple bookstores and look at the books on the shelves where you think yours should be. When you get there, pick a couple and read the jacket copy. Think about your query, and think about your manuscript:
Does it fit in? And more importantly, does it stand out?
If you really want to get down and dirty, look at the acknowledgements in a few of the books. Agent names are usually listed. Add them to your query list if they are not already there.
Oh...and good luck!
Apr 29, 2009
Query- Seven-Inch Vinyl -Revision 2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the birth of Rock and Roll music!
As young Joseph Rabinowitz, a New York teenager, trains in Kentucky for combat in the Korean Conflict he is introduced to a new brand of music called Rhythm & Blues. We’ll follow Joseph and a wealth of other fictional characters for sixteen years as the music evolves into something called Rock and Roll and changes the lives of generations of young men and women and with it the course of the nation and the world.
Joseph’s rise through the music business will take him from an employee in a record store in the Bronx, to the founder of an independent record company and on to a legendary songwriter and producer. When the British Invasion of musical artists cripples the American music scene, Joseph will lose it all and slip into quiet mediocrity until, in 1969, when he stages a triumphant re-union concert of artists heralding the beginning of the “oldies but goodies” era which still flourishes today.
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, transitions between real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 137,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the birth of Rock and Roll music!
As young Joseph Rabinowitz, a New York teenager, trains in Kentucky for combat in the Korean Conflict he is introduced to a new brand of music called Rhythm & Blues. We’ll follow Joseph and a wealth of other fictional characters for sixteen years as the music evolves into something called Rock and Roll and changes the lives of generations of young men and women and with it the course of the nation and the world.
Joseph’s rise through the music business will take him from an employee in a record store in the Bronx, to the founder of an independent record company and on to a legendary songwriter and producer. When the British Invasion of musical artists cripples the American music scene, Joseph will lose it all and slip into quiet mediocrity until, in 1969, when he stages a triumphant re-union concert of artists heralding the beginning of the “oldies but goodies” era which still flourishes today.
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, transitions between real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 137,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Apr 28, 2009
Middle-Grades Novel Submission Query: The Mighty Pickles
Dear [Agent],
Fourth-grader Reece is determined to join her friends on the local softball team. She has no experience hitting, or catching, or throwing a ball, but that isn’t going to stop her any more than her rapid discovery that she has no ability, either. Still, she makes the team – after all, the league has a no-cut policy.
Calling themselves the Firebolts, the team starts practicing. They begin a season that promises more losses than wins. But the Firebolts have three good infielders, a few solid hitters, an unflappable coach – and Reece. What can Reece contribute besides her fear at bat, her clumsiness in right field, and her tart sense of humor?
A sense of humor, it turns out, is a significant asset. She renames the team the Pickles, and somehow the silly name, along with the building camaraderie among the girls, starts the team on a winning streak. Reece gradually gains confidence by encouraging her teammates. She learns to make the most of what she has, her sense of humor and honesty, and of what she lacks – height, as her small strike zone leads to walks.
The Pickles squeak by into the league playoffs... and the team falls apart under the pressure. It’s up to Reece to pull the team together again by standing up for a disliked teammate, using everything she’s learned during the season. She can’t make a difference with her bat or her glove, but she discovers she has inner resources at least as important.
Join Reece and the Mighty Pickles on their improbable march toward the championship game.
The completed manuscript is about 42,500 words.
I am a first-time fiction author, although I have written a number of professional trade-journal articles. I recently (semi-)retired after 25+ years in the high-tech industry; I continue to do some consulting and technical writing in addition to authoring middle-grades fiction.
Thank you in advance for considering this proposal.
Steven B. Levy (writing as Steven Brant)
[The first few pages will be posted at http://TheMightyPickles.com.]
Fourth-grader Reece is determined to join her friends on the local softball team. She has no experience hitting, or catching, or throwing a ball, but that isn’t going to stop her any more than her rapid discovery that she has no ability, either. Still, she makes the team – after all, the league has a no-cut policy.
Calling themselves the Firebolts, the team starts practicing. They begin a season that promises more losses than wins. But the Firebolts have three good infielders, a few solid hitters, an unflappable coach – and Reece. What can Reece contribute besides her fear at bat, her clumsiness in right field, and her tart sense of humor?
A sense of humor, it turns out, is a significant asset. She renames the team the Pickles, and somehow the silly name, along with the building camaraderie among the girls, starts the team on a winning streak. Reece gradually gains confidence by encouraging her teammates. She learns to make the most of what she has, her sense of humor and honesty, and of what she lacks – height, as her small strike zone leads to walks.
The Pickles squeak by into the league playoffs... and the team falls apart under the pressure. It’s up to Reece to pull the team together again by standing up for a disliked teammate, using everything she’s learned during the season. She can’t make a difference with her bat or her glove, but she discovers she has inner resources at least as important.
Join Reece and the Mighty Pickles on their improbable march toward the championship game.
The completed manuscript is about 42,500 words.
I am a first-time fiction author, although I have written a number of professional trade-journal articles. I recently (semi-)retired after 25+ years in the high-tech industry; I continue to do some consulting and technical writing in addition to authoring middle-grades fiction.
Thank you in advance for considering this proposal.
Steven B. Levy (writing as Steven Brant)
[The first few pages will be posted at http://TheMightyPickles.com.]
Query - Quest Support (Second Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent),
Gilbert Gaberlunzie thinks most Heroes are morons. They’d be nothing without his help, because he works at Quest Support, a tech support hotline for people on Quests. Even though Gilbert knows the adventuring routine better than any of the idiots who call him, he’s satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t quite work out that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets the Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert sets out on a journey to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
Complete at 94,000 words, QUEST SUPPORT will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on the familiar fantasy formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent),
Gilbert Gaberlunzie thinks most Heroes are morons. They’d be nothing without his help, because he works at Quest Support, a tech support hotline for people on Quests. Even though Gilbert knows the adventuring routine better than any of the idiots who call him, he’s satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t quite work out that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets the Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert sets out on a journey to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
Complete at 94,000 words, QUEST SUPPORT will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on the familiar fantasy formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Apr 27, 2009
Query - Gambling on Love
In this 90,000 word contemporary romantic comedy, GAMBLING ON LOVE, it's a case of the blind leading the blind when dating-impaired Galveston concierge Rachel McKnight agrees to play Henry Higgins for equally dating-inept gambler Mac MacAllister.
Rachel is a compulsive fixer—a handy trait for the Galveston hotel concierge; not so wonderful in the dating world.
Recently divorced Mac doesn't understand why lines like "Wanna get naked?" aren't getting him any dates. He wants Rachel to fix his approach to women, but dating is the one area of life Rachel hasn't been able to figure out. Turning down Mac's plea to "fix him" is like a junkie turning away from a heroin fix, but Rachel manages to do the honorable thing. Right up until she learns her mother expects her to bring a date to her brother's wedding. If she doesn't, she risks her mother meddling in her love life.
So Rachel and Mac make a deal. He'll play the attentive beau if she'll coach him on how to successfully approach women.
Escorting Rachel to the wedding creates its own complications when Mac realizes that the kisses he wants can only be found on Rachel's lips. This unexpected development leads him to discover Rachel's darkest secret and the intimacy issues that have kept her alone.
Now it's his turn to teach her. If she can't learn to trust him, she'll never have the family she yearns for, and Mac will always wonder what might have been.
Gambling on Love should appeal to readers of Jennifer Crusie and Rachel Gibson. I hope you will find Gambling on Love worth a closer look. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Rachel is a compulsive fixer—a handy trait for the Galveston hotel concierge; not so wonderful in the dating world.
Recently divorced Mac doesn't understand why lines like "Wanna get naked?" aren't getting him any dates. He wants Rachel to fix his approach to women, but dating is the one area of life Rachel hasn't been able to figure out. Turning down Mac's plea to "fix him" is like a junkie turning away from a heroin fix, but Rachel manages to do the honorable thing. Right up until she learns her mother expects her to bring a date to her brother's wedding. If she doesn't, she risks her mother meddling in her love life.
So Rachel and Mac make a deal. He'll play the attentive beau if she'll coach him on how to successfully approach women.
Escorting Rachel to the wedding creates its own complications when Mac realizes that the kisses he wants can only be found on Rachel's lips. This unexpected development leads him to discover Rachel's darkest secret and the intimacy issues that have kept her alone.
Now it's his turn to teach her. If she can't learn to trust him, she'll never have the family she yearns for, and Mac will always wonder what might have been.
Gambling on Love should appeal to readers of Jennifer Crusie and Rachel Gibson. I hope you will find Gambling on Love worth a closer look. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Query- Seven-Inch Vinyl Revision 1
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz, a young man who is introduced to R&B music while in the army in Kentucky training for the Korean Conflict and a wealth of other fictional characters. Joseph’s rise through the music business first as an employee at a record store, then as the owner of an independent record company and on as he becomes a legendary songwriter and record producer will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert in 1969 proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Click here to read the second revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz, a young man who is introduced to R&B music while in the army in Kentucky training for the Korean Conflict and a wealth of other fictional characters. Joseph’s rise through the music business first as an employee at a record store, then as the owner of an independent record company and on as he becomes a legendary songwriter and record producer will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert in 1969 proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE - REVISION #1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
In THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE, three childhood friends, now mothers in their late thirties, commit an act of vigilantism against a complete stranger when they become convinced he has abused his stepdaughter and murdered his wife. The three women are swept up by their newfound sense of control and power while they plot against the man, but their so-called “perfect plan” goes terribly awry during execution and they discover, only when it’s too late, that they didn’t know all the facts. Thanks also to their late night activities in a stolen van, the women unwittingly become suspects in a separate murder investigation of a police informant and find out how tenuous their beliefs—and their relationships with one another—have been.
In the end, the man at the center of the women’s vigilantism has a history and identity that none of the women could ever have imagined.
The story starts with Karin, Alaina, and Trisha as children. When they reunite decades later, Karin faces unimaginable grief with the death of her only child in a car accident in which her husband was driving in the direction toward his mistress’ house. Trisha confronts her own childhood traumas involving an alcoholic mother, a father she has never met, molestation by her grandfather, and the fear that the daughter she gave up for adoption when she was a teenager could, in any way possible, be in harm’s way because of Trisha’s self-perceived abandonment. Alaina, on the other hand, struggles with the guilt of her past failure to speak out against her adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the secret and questionable paternity of her oldest child.
After Alaina’s son reveals that one of his classmates has run away from home because of the horrific deeds of her stepfather, the women’s weekly “girls’ night out” takes on a whole new and tragic misplacement of energy.
This 83,000-word manuscript of commercial women’s fiction is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada due to my life-long familiarity with the landscape. Although I am an unpublished novelist, I have an entrenched fascination with all the trouble presumably “average” people get themselves into—due, in no small part, to my past work history writing investigative narratives of the professional and personal misconduct of lawyers. Take years summarizing indiscretions and bad decision-making (including fraudulent investment schemes, criminal charges of public indecency and unlawful confinement of minors, and run-of-the mill impaired driving and assault convictions), throw in a degree in English literature, and a work of fiction was destined to come to fruition.
I'd be more than happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Agent,
In THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE, three childhood friends, now mothers in their late thirties, commit an act of vigilantism against a complete stranger when they become convinced he has abused his stepdaughter and murdered his wife. The three women are swept up by their newfound sense of control and power while they plot against the man, but their so-called “perfect plan” goes terribly awry during execution and they discover, only when it’s too late, that they didn’t know all the facts. Thanks also to their late night activities in a stolen van, the women unwittingly become suspects in a separate murder investigation of a police informant and find out how tenuous their beliefs—and their relationships with one another—have been.
In the end, the man at the center of the women’s vigilantism has a history and identity that none of the women could ever have imagined.
The story starts with Karin, Alaina, and Trisha as children. When they reunite decades later, Karin faces unimaginable grief with the death of her only child in a car accident in which her husband was driving in the direction toward his mistress’ house. Trisha confronts her own childhood traumas involving an alcoholic mother, a father she has never met, molestation by her grandfather, and the fear that the daughter she gave up for adoption when she was a teenager could, in any way possible, be in harm’s way because of Trisha’s self-perceived abandonment. Alaina, on the other hand, struggles with the guilt of her past failure to speak out against her adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the secret and questionable paternity of her oldest child.
After Alaina’s son reveals that one of his classmates has run away from home because of the horrific deeds of her stepfather, the women’s weekly “girls’ night out” takes on a whole new and tragic misplacement of energy.
This 83,000-word manuscript of commercial women’s fiction is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada due to my life-long familiarity with the landscape. Although I am an unpublished novelist, I have an entrenched fascination with all the trouble presumably “average” people get themselves into—due, in no small part, to my past work history writing investigative narratives of the professional and personal misconduct of lawyers. Take years summarizing indiscretions and bad decision-making (including fraudulent investment schemes, criminal charges of public indecency and unlawful confinement of minors, and run-of-the mill impaired driving and assault convictions), throw in a degree in English literature, and a work of fiction was destined to come to fruition.
I'd be more than happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: Seven-Inch Vinyl
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel, SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz and a wealth of other fictional characters. Their personal and professional stories will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in a regional magazine, as well as two articles published in local Las Vegas newspapers and one published in a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel, SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz and a wealth of other fictional characters. Their personal and professional stories will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in a regional magazine, as well as two articles published in local Las Vegas newspapers and one published in a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Apr 26, 2009
QUERY- The Graces of Mercy & Circumstance
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
I have recently completed an 83,000-word novel that is difficult to categorize within a single genre. It is both a crime novel and a psychological study, while a good portion could be classified as women’s literature if it wasn’t decidedly bereft of romantic themes—although it does contain ample examples of human absurdities. From your profile on [your agency website/Publisher's Marketplace/etc.], I believe the manuscript is compatible with your other clients’ novels and may interest you. The working title is “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance”.
To sum up the plot, “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is about three childhood friends who reunite decades later when they’re mothers and housewives facing unimaginable grief (the death of a child), unspeakable childhood traumas (an alcoholic mother, an absent father, molestation, and teenage pregnancy), and past lies (failure to speak out against an adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the questionable paternity of her oldest child). When the women reunite, they find themselves suddenly pushing 40 and lose themselves, almost inadvertently, in a world of vigilantism during “girls’ night out”.
The man who inspires them to commit an unexpected act of violence represents, in various ways and somewhat subconsciously, something in each of the women’s pasts where their inaction caused their current regret or pain. But, what they don’t realize until it is too late is that the man isn’t who they think he is and their so-called perfect plan to find strength in numbers and empowerment in action may, in fact, rip their worlds and friendship apart.
“The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is my first novel and is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada. I chose this setting not only because of my life-long familiarity with the landscape but also because of an entrenched fascination with all the trouble so-called “average” people get themselves in while living in an idyllic, and perhaps a tad bit too serene, environment.
I'd be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I have recently completed an 83,000-word novel that is difficult to categorize within a single genre. It is both a crime novel and a psychological study, while a good portion could be classified as women’s literature if it wasn’t decidedly bereft of romantic themes—although it does contain ample examples of human absurdities. From your profile on [your agency website/Publisher's Marketplace/etc.], I believe the manuscript is compatible with your other clients’ novels and may interest you. The working title is “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance”.
To sum up the plot, “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is about three childhood friends who reunite decades later when they’re mothers and housewives facing unimaginable grief (the death of a child), unspeakable childhood traumas (an alcoholic mother, an absent father, molestation, and teenage pregnancy), and past lies (failure to speak out against an adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the questionable paternity of her oldest child). When the women reunite, they find themselves suddenly pushing 40 and lose themselves, almost inadvertently, in a world of vigilantism during “girls’ night out”.
The man who inspires them to commit an unexpected act of violence represents, in various ways and somewhat subconsciously, something in each of the women’s pasts where their inaction caused their current regret or pain. But, what they don’t realize until it is too late is that the man isn’t who they think he is and their so-called perfect plan to find strength in numbers and empowerment in action may, in fact, rip their worlds and friendship apart.
“The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is my first novel and is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada. I chose this setting not only because of my life-long familiarity with the landscape but also because of an entrenched fascination with all the trouble so-called “average” people get themselves in while living in an idyllic, and perhaps a tad bit too serene, environment.
I'd be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Apr 25, 2009
Query - WHERE THE DOVES FLY
Dear Agent:
Anna Markowicz is mute, yet she has mastered still life painting as a style and personalized it to fit her own hand. In 1965, at seventeen years of age, she desires to let her fingers dance freely across the canvasses forever. However, not only does the Communist regime in Poland prohibit artists from pursuing their creative expression, it does nothing to protect her from her father’s abuse. When she meets Rafal, a fellow artist from school, he probes at her weaknesses until she is naively pulled into the promises of escape and chooses to travel with him to London. There she participates in an intenvise painting program, undergoes a culturally unacceptable affair with an Iranian, and begins to lose her mind due to the irregular contact with those around her. Unable to speak and having fallen out of love, Anna chooses between remaining a victim and making one final jump of hope, a jump that lands her in America where her spiral out of sanity cements with suicide.
In 2009, Fatemah Essa, Ania’s illegitimate daughter, has developed superior abilities at conceptual and abstract painting. Those abilities have provided enough satisfaction for her to avoid the Twin Cities social scene. When she stumbles upon sketches and letters from her mother’s past, she is forced to undertake her greatest challenge alone: to uncover why her father has lied about her mother’s death and to determine to which extreme she can take her own love of art.
WHERE THE DOVES FLY is a 94,000-word YA novel that explores, in a dual POV, the lives of two women struggling to find themselves artistically in radically different worlds. The novel examines contemporary Polish and Minnesotan history and holds a touch of romance.
I’m a high school junior born 100% Polish but currently residing in the U.S. My short stories, poetry, and essays have appeared in mutliple Creative Communications publications, Alive Magazine, Teen Ink, and others. In 2003, I also self-published a short fiction manuscript, entitled “Allie’s Journey.”
I would be pleased to send you a partial or full manuscript of WHERE THE DOVES FLY.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
***
Note for The Public Query Slushpile: I've been struggling a lot with the query letter, particularly providing the right information. It seems to work in my head and on paper, but I don't know if it works for the reader.
Thank you!
Anna Markowicz is mute, yet she has mastered still life painting as a style and personalized it to fit her own hand. In 1965, at seventeen years of age, she desires to let her fingers dance freely across the canvasses forever. However, not only does the Communist regime in Poland prohibit artists from pursuing their creative expression, it does nothing to protect her from her father’s abuse. When she meets Rafal, a fellow artist from school, he probes at her weaknesses until she is naively pulled into the promises of escape and chooses to travel with him to London. There she participates in an intenvise painting program, undergoes a culturally unacceptable affair with an Iranian, and begins to lose her mind due to the irregular contact with those around her. Unable to speak and having fallen out of love, Anna chooses between remaining a victim and making one final jump of hope, a jump that lands her in America where her spiral out of sanity cements with suicide.
In 2009, Fatemah Essa, Ania’s illegitimate daughter, has developed superior abilities at conceptual and abstract painting. Those abilities have provided enough satisfaction for her to avoid the Twin Cities social scene. When she stumbles upon sketches and letters from her mother’s past, she is forced to undertake her greatest challenge alone: to uncover why her father has lied about her mother’s death and to determine to which extreme she can take her own love of art.
WHERE THE DOVES FLY is a 94,000-word YA novel that explores, in a dual POV, the lives of two women struggling to find themselves artistically in radically different worlds. The novel examines contemporary Polish and Minnesotan history and holds a touch of romance.
I’m a high school junior born 100% Polish but currently residing in the U.S. My short stories, poetry, and essays have appeared in mutliple Creative Communications publications, Alive Magazine, Teen Ink, and others. In 2003, I also self-published a short fiction manuscript, entitled “Allie’s Journey.”
I would be pleased to send you a partial or full manuscript of WHERE THE DOVES FLY.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
***
Note for The Public Query Slushpile: I've been struggling a lot with the query letter, particularly providing the right information. It seems to work in my head and on paper, but I don't know if it works for the reader.
Thank you!
Apr 23, 2009
Query: The Saving Race
Dear Agent,
Nick Sanchez has just arrived in hell. And he didn’t have to die to get there; he simply accepted a temporary Bureau assignment in Northern Idaho.
Sprague, Idaho—a backwoods town with bad weather—is exactly how Nick envisions hell. But the only burning he feels is in the pit of stomach, stemming from the frustration of three dead-end investigations. The keys to his salvation are within sight, but illusively beyond his grasp. One comes in the form of a perky blonde cashier at the local grocery store. The other comes with the prospect that he may have stumbled upon the most abhorrent cult of the twenty-first century.
Three women have gone missing from Sprague within three consecutive years, and the FBI has sent Special Agent Nick Sanchez to investigate. When Nick discovers the common factor in all three cases, he begins to scrutinize dormant white supremacist factions in the area. What he finds is beyond shocking: a prominent author has turned his controversial books into a doomsday cult promoting beliefs in Nordicism and polygamy. Nick is about to break the biggest case of his career—if he can prove that the missing women have been inducted into the cult of Nordica. But Nordica mastermind Pierce Crawford seems to outwit and outmaneuver Nick every step of the way. Nothing—especially an intrusion by someone with dark skin—will stop Pierce from preparing his cult for the imminent Armageddon. Pierce shrewdly strikes at Nick and all that is close to his heart. Nick will come to question his instincts, his impartiality, and his future at the Bureau. But even more troubling to Nick than a major career derailment is the fact that his misjudgments may cost the only woman he’s ever loved her life.
The Saving Race is a 104,000 word romantic mystery. I am confident with my finished product, as it is certainly the best of my three completed novels. While The Saving Race does stand alone, I am now working on its sequel. I am excited with the prospect of The Saving Race entering the market in the near future, as many of the elements adapted by the cult of Nordica are taken from current headlines.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Nick Sanchez has just arrived in hell. And he didn’t have to die to get there; he simply accepted a temporary Bureau assignment in Northern Idaho.
Sprague, Idaho—a backwoods town with bad weather—is exactly how Nick envisions hell. But the only burning he feels is in the pit of stomach, stemming from the frustration of three dead-end investigations. The keys to his salvation are within sight, but illusively beyond his grasp. One comes in the form of a perky blonde cashier at the local grocery store. The other comes with the prospect that he may have stumbled upon the most abhorrent cult of the twenty-first century.
Three women have gone missing from Sprague within three consecutive years, and the FBI has sent Special Agent Nick Sanchez to investigate. When Nick discovers the common factor in all three cases, he begins to scrutinize dormant white supremacist factions in the area. What he finds is beyond shocking: a prominent author has turned his controversial books into a doomsday cult promoting beliefs in Nordicism and polygamy. Nick is about to break the biggest case of his career—if he can prove that the missing women have been inducted into the cult of Nordica. But Nordica mastermind Pierce Crawford seems to outwit and outmaneuver Nick every step of the way. Nothing—especially an intrusion by someone with dark skin—will stop Pierce from preparing his cult for the imminent Armageddon. Pierce shrewdly strikes at Nick and all that is close to his heart. Nick will come to question his instincts, his impartiality, and his future at the Bureau. But even more troubling to Nick than a major career derailment is the fact that his misjudgments may cost the only woman he’s ever loved her life.
The Saving Race is a 104,000 word romantic mystery. I am confident with my finished product, as it is certainly the best of my three completed novels. While The Saving Race does stand alone, I am now working on its sequel. I am excited with the prospect of The Saving Race entering the market in the near future, as many of the elements adapted by the cult of Nordica are taken from current headlines.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Query - Traitor's Plight
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Agent,
For generations the Kings of Mudamora had exiled the kingdom’s criminals to the mountains west of the Zaltana wall. Thousands of men and women were condemned by their liege and abandoned by the gods to die in the cold. The damned have found their own god, though, and instead of dying they have survived, flourished, and now march under the command of the witch queen Rufina to conquer those who persecuted them.
Lord Captain Rhys Calorian was born to the power and privilege of nobility, all of which were lost the night the Zaltana wall fell to the subterfuge of a lone female assassin. Five years later he is the sole survivor of that night, desperate to regain his honor and achieve his birthright of military command. Instead he finds himself captain of the Princess’s bodyguards and living in the midst of the women who form it.
Drusilla was raised by a wealthy patrician senator in an empire far across the seas. Under attack within the first moments of returning to her homeland of Mudamora, she discovers that a power has arisen within her when she restores Rhys from a mortal injury and is forced to suffer the physical pain that results. The power proves to be an unwelcome one, as all healers are bound to the mad King’s failing army and destined to suffer in their servitude. Alone in an unfamiliar kingdom and desperate to keep her power a secret, Drusilla agrees to join the ranks of the Princess’ bodyguards and unwittingly finds herself drawn into a love affair with Rhys.
With the capital under threat of attack, Rhys is given command of a suicide mission to stop Rufina’s exile army, while Drusilla finds herself entangled in web of political intrigue. Bound by oaths to protect a royal family plagued by madness, she is forced to put her love, liberty and even her life at risk in order to avoid a war of ascendancy that would leave Mudamora ripe for Rufina’s picking.
TRAITOR’S PLIGHT is a 106,000 word fantasy with a strong romantic element, and is the first volume in a trilogy. I have a Bachelor of Commerce degree from the University of XYZ and this is my first novel. I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Dear Agent,
For generations the Kings of Mudamora had exiled the kingdom’s criminals to the mountains west of the Zaltana wall. Thousands of men and women were condemned by their liege and abandoned by the gods to die in the cold. The damned have found their own god, though, and instead of dying they have survived, flourished, and now march under the command of the witch queen Rufina to conquer those who persecuted them.
Lord Captain Rhys Calorian was born to the power and privilege of nobility, all of which were lost the night the Zaltana wall fell to the subterfuge of a lone female assassin. Five years later he is the sole survivor of that night, desperate to regain his honor and achieve his birthright of military command. Instead he finds himself captain of the Princess’s bodyguards and living in the midst of the women who form it.
Drusilla was raised by a wealthy patrician senator in an empire far across the seas. Under attack within the first moments of returning to her homeland of Mudamora, she discovers that a power has arisen within her when she restores Rhys from a mortal injury and is forced to suffer the physical pain that results. The power proves to be an unwelcome one, as all healers are bound to the mad King’s failing army and destined to suffer in their servitude. Alone in an unfamiliar kingdom and desperate to keep her power a secret, Drusilla agrees to join the ranks of the Princess’ bodyguards and unwittingly finds herself drawn into a love affair with Rhys.
With the capital under threat of attack, Rhys is given command of a suicide mission to stop Rufina’s exile army, while Drusilla finds herself entangled in web of political intrigue. Bound by oaths to protect a royal family plagued by madness, she is forced to put her love, liberty and even her life at risk in order to avoid a war of ascendancy that would leave Mudamora ripe for Rufina’s picking.
TRAITOR’S PLIGHT is a 106,000 word fantasy with a strong romantic element, and is the first volume in a trilogy. I have a Bachelor of Commerce degree from the University of XYZ and this is my first novel. I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Query - Andra
Dear Mr. Agent,
Claudia meant to save her best friend, but she ended up saving the nation.
In Claudia’s world there are lots of laws, as well as a few unspoken rules that everyone knows. If you have a powerful ability – keep it a secret, even from your friends and family. And if you have an opinion on how things are being run – don’t say it.
So when Claudia’s best friend, Selma, announces that she can converse with plants, Claudia isn’t surprised when Selma is arrested on orders of the government. Though that doesn’t mean she’s going to let them get away with it.
After a chance meeting with the ruler’s second son, Erik, the rescue mission turns into an opportunity to overthrow the corrupt government. After suffering years of imprisonment at his father and brother’s hands, Erik is more than ready to join the rebellion along with Selma and Claudia.
The journey leads to self-discovery when Claudia discovers she can control others by force, giving the rebels the extra edge they need to be victorious. But Claudia has another reason for the rebellion to succeed: she’s in love with Erik, the very man they hope to crown. If the rebels can’t win this time, Claudia will lose the man she loves and the world will lose what could be its last chance to escape oppression.
ANDRA is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 80,000 words and set in the fictional world of Sicyon. The manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Author
Claudia meant to save her best friend, but she ended up saving the nation.
In Claudia’s world there are lots of laws, as well as a few unspoken rules that everyone knows. If you have a powerful ability – keep it a secret, even from your friends and family. And if you have an opinion on how things are being run – don’t say it.
So when Claudia’s best friend, Selma, announces that she can converse with plants, Claudia isn’t surprised when Selma is arrested on orders of the government. Though that doesn’t mean she’s going to let them get away with it.
After a chance meeting with the ruler’s second son, Erik, the rescue mission turns into an opportunity to overthrow the corrupt government. After suffering years of imprisonment at his father and brother’s hands, Erik is more than ready to join the rebellion along with Selma and Claudia.
The journey leads to self-discovery when Claudia discovers she can control others by force, giving the rebels the extra edge they need to be victorious. But Claudia has another reason for the rebellion to succeed: she’s in love with Erik, the very man they hope to crown. If the rebels can’t win this time, Claudia will lose the man she loves and the world will lose what could be its last chance to escape oppression.
ANDRA is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 80,000 words and set in the fictional world of Sicyon. The manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Author
Excellent Agent Post on Query Letters
Jessica Faust at BookEnds, LLC has an excellent post today about query letters. Click here to read it (and you really should! If you read it already, read it again. It's worth it.)
- Rick
- Rick
Apr 22, 2009
Revision 4 - BROKEN
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
A hate-filled attack in a London alley two years ago claimed his lover, but left Eli Burke with a limp and scars as permanent reminders.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli on a busy street.
Though fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. By way of a sympathetic ear, a bold embrace, and his persistent proximity as one of four other housemates, Alec works his way under Eli’s skin and past his defenses. But Eli fights his growing attraction to Alec, having set his sights on isolated charity work abroad to avoid loving and losing again.
BROKEN is an m/m romance complete at 65,500 words. The full manuscript is available upon request.
I have a B.A. in Journalism and worked as a copy editor for The Charleston Daily Mail for eight years, occasionally writing columns and movie reviews for the lifestyle section.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
A hate-filled attack in a London alley two years ago claimed his lover, but left Eli Burke with a limp and scars as permanent reminders.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli on a busy street.
Though fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. By way of a sympathetic ear, a bold embrace, and his persistent proximity as one of four other housemates, Alec works his way under Eli’s skin and past his defenses. But Eli fights his growing attraction to Alec, having set his sights on isolated charity work abroad to avoid loving and losing again.
BROKEN is an m/m romance complete at 65,500 words. The full manuscript is available upon request.
I have a B.A. in Journalism and worked as a copy editor for The Charleston Daily Mail for eight years, occasionally writing columns and movie reviews for the lifestyle section.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Apr 21, 2009
Query-The Release (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent:
I am currently seeking representation for my novel The Release is a 65,000 word suspense fiction that shares several similarities with The Escape by Robert Pierce, which I understand is a favorite of yours. Both novels share certain similarities in that they deal with the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
A brief synopsis of my novel follows:
John Michaels has just spent the past 7 years in a Texas sanatorium. His crime? Meting out only a small fraction of the brutal abuse, he suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father on a classmate. Now at the age of 22, John Michaels hopes to find the release from his all-too-real prison, his past. To do so, he must convince Dr. Holt, the chief psychiatrist that he's been rehabilitated and can safely be released into society.
It takes every ounce of his inner resolve and cunning, but John's charade prevails. He's released. However, the John Michaels that's set free is no longer a child - he's a ruggedly handsome man that is extremely attractive to the ladies. Unfortunately, for him, it's because of his sexual attractiveness that he finds himself implicated in the murder of a beautiful young girl less than twenty-four hours after his release. Karen Weeks was a girl that he only had dinner with, but because of his past, he immediately becomes the prime suspect in her death. Now, he must rely on complete strangers to fight for his freedom and release. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Dear Agent:
I am currently seeking representation for my novel The Release is a 65,000 word suspense fiction that shares several similarities with The Escape by Robert Pierce, which I understand is a favorite of yours. Both novels share certain similarities in that they deal with the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
A brief synopsis of my novel follows:
John Michaels has just spent the past 7 years in a Texas sanatorium. His crime? Meting out only a small fraction of the brutal abuse, he suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father on a classmate. Now at the age of 22, John Michaels hopes to find the release from his all-too-real prison, his past. To do so, he must convince Dr. Holt, the chief psychiatrist that he's been rehabilitated and can safely be released into society.
It takes every ounce of his inner resolve and cunning, but John's charade prevails. He's released. However, the John Michaels that's set free is no longer a child - he's a ruggedly handsome man that is extremely attractive to the ladies. Unfortunately, for him, it's because of his sexual attractiveness that he finds himself implicated in the murder of a beautiful young girl less than twenty-four hours after his release. Karen Weeks was a girl that he only had dinner with, but because of his past, he immediately becomes the prime suspect in her death. Now, he must rely on complete strangers to fight for his freedom and release. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Apr 20, 2009
Query - Quest Support (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear (Agent Name),
An Ancient Evil has arisen, but a Cryptic Prophecy speaks of a Young Boy who will wield a Mystic Sword and defeat it. Gilbert Gaberlunzie has seen this tired old plot play out more times than he can count. Gilbert works at Quest Support, a call center that provides assistance to Heroes, Villains, and anyone else involved in Quests. Even though he’s sure he’d make a better adventurer than any of the idiots who call him, Gilbert is satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t work out quite that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets an extra-stupid Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert decides to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. After doing interviews for party members and appropriating some malfunctioning magical artifacts from his ex-employer, Gilbert sets off on a journey down the well-trodden paths of fantasydom. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
QUEST SUPPORT is complete at 94,000 words. It is a lighthearted fantasy that pokes some good-natured fun at the genre’s clichés and refuses to take itself seriously. It will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on a familiar formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear (Agent Name),
An Ancient Evil has arisen, but a Cryptic Prophecy speaks of a Young Boy who will wield a Mystic Sword and defeat it. Gilbert Gaberlunzie has seen this tired old plot play out more times than he can count. Gilbert works at Quest Support, a call center that provides assistance to Heroes, Villains, and anyone else involved in Quests. Even though he’s sure he’d make a better adventurer than any of the idiots who call him, Gilbert is satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t work out quite that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets an extra-stupid Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert decides to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. After doing interviews for party members and appropriating some malfunctioning magical artifacts from his ex-employer, Gilbert sets off on a journey down the well-trodden paths of fantasydom. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
QUEST SUPPORT is complete at 94,000 words. It is a lighthearted fantasy that pokes some good-natured fun at the genre’s clichés and refuses to take itself seriously. It will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on a familiar formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
QUERY- VAMPIRES RULE
Seventeen-year-old Jack Creed is unhappy as a vampire. He would give anything to have his old life back. After a werewolf attack, it seems he's gotten his wish. He's human again. Now his problems really begin.
His high school english teacher is the head werewolf; the girl he's seriously crushing on is a hunter with secrets; his brother can't make up his mind if he should welcome Jack home or stake him through the heart to be on the safe side. Then Jack starts to regain some of his vampire powers. Also, he's developing new werewolf powers.
Jack just wants to be normal. He wants to graduate from high school and leave the werewolf killing to others, but everyone he knows is in danger. In the end Jack will have to make a hard choice between what he wants, what's good for him, and what is good for the people he loves.
Vampires Rule is complete at 73,000 words.
His high school english teacher is the head werewolf; the girl he's seriously crushing on is a hunter with secrets; his brother can't make up his mind if he should welcome Jack home or stake him through the heart to be on the safe side. Then Jack starts to regain some of his vampire powers. Also, he's developing new werewolf powers.
Jack just wants to be normal. He wants to graduate from high school and leave the werewolf killing to others, but everyone he knows is in danger. In the end Jack will have to make a hard choice between what he wants, what's good for him, and what is good for the people he loves.
Vampires Rule is complete at 73,000 words.
QUERY- THE RELEASE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Agent:
I graduated from The University of Texas in May of 1997 with a degree in journalism. While at the university, several of my articles received The Almay Award for Excellence in Journalism.
I chose to submit my novel for your consideration after seeing that you had interest in this particular genre, especially after you pointed out that Robert Pierce's novel, The Escape, was one of your favorite reads. Did I not only read the book, but also found it similar to mine in that it shows the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
The Release
While spending seven years in a Texas sanatorium for re-enacting the physical abuse he received as a child on a peer of fifteen years of age, John Michaels finds his escape. John realized that inner strength, his mind, would convince the good Dr. Holt to okay his release.
John, a ruggedly handsome man with smooth black hair, fashionable stubble, and a chiseled six foot three inch frame is not out of the sanatorium for twenty-four hours before his life becomes extremely complicated. He finds himself tightly wrapped in lust, having dinner given by the beautiful Karen Weeks, being accused of murder, befriending a court appointed defense attorney, rescued from the Texas death penalty by witty Richard, a private detective extraordinaire, and falling in love with Delaney, a bookstore clerk.
John's inner release does not become final until he visits the graves of his alcoholic father and drug addicted mother. John is able to get the answers and let go pent up feelings that need their escape. John's will to seek a better life comes to fruition.
Upon request, I am prepared to send the completed manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Joshua Kearns
Dear Agent:
I graduated from The University of Texas in May of 1997 with a degree in journalism. While at the university, several of my articles received The Almay Award for Excellence in Journalism.
I chose to submit my novel for your consideration after seeing that you had interest in this particular genre, especially after you pointed out that Robert Pierce's novel, The Escape, was one of your favorite reads. Did I not only read the book, but also found it similar to mine in that it shows the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
The Release
While spending seven years in a Texas sanatorium for re-enacting the physical abuse he received as a child on a peer of fifteen years of age, John Michaels finds his escape. John realized that inner strength, his mind, would convince the good Dr. Holt to okay his release.
John, a ruggedly handsome man with smooth black hair, fashionable stubble, and a chiseled six foot three inch frame is not out of the sanatorium for twenty-four hours before his life becomes extremely complicated. He finds himself tightly wrapped in lust, having dinner given by the beautiful Karen Weeks, being accused of murder, befriending a court appointed defense attorney, rescued from the Texas death penalty by witty Richard, a private detective extraordinaire, and falling in love with Delaney, a bookstore clerk.
John's inner release does not become final until he visits the graves of his alcoholic father and drug addicted mother. John is able to get the answers and let go pent up feelings that need their escape. John's will to seek a better life comes to fruition.
Upon request, I am prepared to send the completed manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Joshua Kearns
Apr 19, 2009
Query -- A FATHER'S PROMISE
Dear Agent Name:
Ten-year-old Lucas Gibson knows there's not enough money for his mom's textbooks, a new alternator for the truck, or even a Mega Mini Scooter, but he's not worried. His dad has been hired to train an imported curly coated retriever for a field trial, and he promises that when they win, their family problems will be over. But the promise seems for naught when his father is killed in an accident that injures both Lucas and the dog and leaves their family deep in debt.
Still, Lucas can't forget. Despite his mother's objections, the disabled boy takes on the challenge of rehabbing the dog. Joined by his wayfaring uncle and a woman who trains chickens for carnivals, Lucas sets out to save his crumbling family only to find that field trials don't have a cash prize, the bank is going to foreclose on their farm regardless, and worst of all, winning will require him to choose between his father's dream and the dog he loves. His dad's promise sure isn't turning out like Lucas expected. Can his family help him find his happy ending?
A FATHER'S PROMISE, a 100,000 word novel written for the commercial/mainstream fiction market, is a story of faith and healing as three generations of an estranged family come together to fulfill a father's last promise to his son.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Name
Contact information
Ten-year-old Lucas Gibson knows there's not enough money for his mom's textbooks, a new alternator for the truck, or even a Mega Mini Scooter, but he's not worried. His dad has been hired to train an imported curly coated retriever for a field trial, and he promises that when they win, their family problems will be over. But the promise seems for naught when his father is killed in an accident that injures both Lucas and the dog and leaves their family deep in debt.
Still, Lucas can't forget. Despite his mother's objections, the disabled boy takes on the challenge of rehabbing the dog. Joined by his wayfaring uncle and a woman who trains chickens for carnivals, Lucas sets out to save his crumbling family only to find that field trials don't have a cash prize, the bank is going to foreclose on their farm regardless, and worst of all, winning will require him to choose between his father's dream and the dog he loves. His dad's promise sure isn't turning out like Lucas expected. Can his family help him find his happy ending?
A FATHER'S PROMISE, a 100,000 word novel written for the commercial/mainstream fiction market, is a story of faith and healing as three generations of an estranged family come together to fulfill a father's last promise to his son.
I appreciate your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Name
Contact information
Apr 18, 2009
Query- Deadly secret
Deadly secret"
A romance gone sour by jealousy. But it wasn't a romance at all, just a one second snapshot that turned into a life-time of memories that ended in murder.
No one suspected Jared of such a deed until he devulged the one bit of evidence only known at autopsy. After all, there was no one else to blame.
The first time I saw Lisa Barrette, she stood outside the schoolyard engaged in girlish chatter with her friends. She did not notice me gawking, silently hoping that one day I would hear those magic words; "Yes, I will go out with you."
I marveled at her soft red hair and her green eyes that sparkled in the sunlight. Mostly, her easy smile and kind demeanor smote me. I summoned that little piece of courage deep inside me. Courage smothered by the tight knot in my gut. Finally, gushing out in high-pitched cracked voice, my attempt at hell-o got their attention. All the girls turned, pointed at me, and giggled, muttering insults that set my stomach on fire. I wanted to run away, hide, or simply vanish. Looking at the ground and feeling shameful for attempting such an act, I started to walk away. I lifted my head and in that moment, our eyes met. Lisa smiled at me and suddenly everything was okay. My heart warmed and I stood tall. I wanted to read the message in her eyes. I wanted her eyes to mirror how I saw her but to my disappointment, all I saw was pity. I accepted her pleasant smile and the apology in her eyes and for now, that was enough.
I saw her in the days that followed, standing at her locker, practicing cheerleader stuff, and briskly walking by me in the halls, never noticing me.
A romance gone sour by jealousy. But it wasn't a romance at all, just a one second snapshot that turned into a life-time of memories that ended in murder.
No one suspected Jared of such a deed until he devulged the one bit of evidence only known at autopsy. After all, there was no one else to blame.
The first time I saw Lisa Barrette, she stood outside the schoolyard engaged in girlish chatter with her friends. She did not notice me gawking, silently hoping that one day I would hear those magic words; "Yes, I will go out with you."
I marveled at her soft red hair and her green eyes that sparkled in the sunlight. Mostly, her easy smile and kind demeanor smote me. I summoned that little piece of courage deep inside me. Courage smothered by the tight knot in my gut. Finally, gushing out in high-pitched cracked voice, my attempt at hell-o got their attention. All the girls turned, pointed at me, and giggled, muttering insults that set my stomach on fire. I wanted to run away, hide, or simply vanish. Looking at the ground and feeling shameful for attempting such an act, I started to walk away. I lifted my head and in that moment, our eyes met. Lisa smiled at me and suddenly everything was okay. My heart warmed and I stood tall. I wanted to read the message in her eyes. I wanted her eyes to mirror how I saw her but to my disappointment, all I saw was pity. I accepted her pleasant smile and the apology in her eyes and for now, that was enough.
I saw her in the days that followed, standing at her locker, practicing cheerleader stuff, and briskly walking by me in the halls, never noticing me.
Apr 17, 2009
Revised Query - Where Demons Fear to Tread
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want Alexis Powers’ soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. Alex is a violent crimes investigator, not a Finder, but Death makes it crystal clear that she is the one who must handle this case or face his wrath. When the reason why becomes apparent, it will destroy Alex’s family forever.
To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses. The stakes are raised even higher when Alex’s disabled partner is brutally murdered in his bed as a warning for her to stay away.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market holy relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage uses the priest’s holy soul to raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R. Barnard
Dear Agent,
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want Alexis Powers’ soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. Alex is a violent crimes investigator, not a Finder, but Death makes it crystal clear that she is the one who must handle this case or face his wrath. When the reason why becomes apparent, it will destroy Alex’s family forever.
To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses. The stakes are raised even higher when Alex’s disabled partner is brutally murdered in his bed as a warning for her to stay away.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market holy relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage uses the priest’s holy soul to raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R. Barnard
Query 1/Query 2--Larkin Shift and the Hall of Two Truths
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Quick poll time. I know I said I'd end at revision three, but I need help deciding which of these to use and this has been really helpful so, any suggestions?
#1
An unknowing descendant of the Wenwet priestesses, Larkin Shift doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her magical powers, but they have a mind of their own. And her 8th grade teacher, Mr. Amurat, the one person that can help her, is trapped in the Egyptian underworld. He is a pawn in Principal Reameny’s quest to overthrow the sun god, Ra, and to plunge Earth into eternal darkness and chaos, unless Larkin and her friends can stop him.
But the rescue mission begins with an unexpected consequence—Benny, Larkin’s friend’s, death—and when Ra’s light temporarily revives him, there are only hours until his condition becomes permanent.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape and its dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must develop her powers to defeat the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
#2
Larkin’s is a rescue mission where every minute counts. Each passing second brings her friend Benny closer to death and failure to save her mentor, Mr. Amurat, means losing the one person that can help her control her innate magical ability.
An unknowing descendant of a powerful line of priestesses, Larkin doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her powers, but they have a mind of their own and with Mr. Amurat trapped in the underworld, she has no choice but to embrace them.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape full of dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must free Mr. Amurat from his captor, the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Quick poll time. I know I said I'd end at revision three, but I need help deciding which of these to use and this has been really helpful so, any suggestions?
#1
An unknowing descendant of the Wenwet priestesses, Larkin Shift doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her magical powers, but they have a mind of their own. And her 8th grade teacher, Mr. Amurat, the one person that can help her, is trapped in the Egyptian underworld. He is a pawn in Principal Reameny’s quest to overthrow the sun god, Ra, and to plunge Earth into eternal darkness and chaos, unless Larkin and her friends can stop him.
But the rescue mission begins with an unexpected consequence—Benny, Larkin’s friend’s, death—and when Ra’s light temporarily revives him, there are only hours until his condition becomes permanent.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape and its dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must develop her powers to defeat the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
#2
Larkin’s is a rescue mission where every minute counts. Each passing second brings her friend Benny closer to death and failure to save her mentor, Mr. Amurat, means losing the one person that can help her control her innate magical ability.
An unknowing descendant of a powerful line of priestesses, Larkin doesn’t want to be different. She doesn’t want to develop her powers, but they have a mind of their own and with Mr. Amurat trapped in the underworld, she has no choice but to embrace them.
Hindered by an ever-changing landscape full of dangerous inhabitants and guided by an untrustworthy shape-shifting cat, Larkin must free Mr. Amurat from his captor, the evil Principal Reameny, get Benny home alive, and overcome an unexpected betrayal—before the next sunrise.
Larkin Shift and The Hall of Two Truths is a 45,000 word middle grade novel and is the first in a planned series.
QUERY/LIFE AFTER DEATH
Dear Ms. Agent:
Violet Young is eager to spend a week without parental authority. When her parents leave for their cruise, she is positive that her plans of hanging out with friends, attending rock concerts, and attaining sun-kissed perfection will end her summer off flawlessly. However, her plans come to a smashing halt on her very first day of freedom, thanks to a life-altering car accident.
Strangers find Violet lying on the side of the road and rescue her. When she awakens from death’s grasp, she is frightened and alone, trapped in a fortress. As she tries every means of escape, James—too cute to be a psychotic kidnapper—enters the picture. He reveals a bevy of problems: she is now an unwilling member of his undead colony, blood is her only gruesome sustenance, and she must abandon her heart-beating biological family to prevent herself from the temptation of “dinnertime”.
Violet battles her conflicted emotions of transitioning into a vampire (who wants to drink blood for eternity? Ew!), her growing attraction for James, and the severed ties from her family. Once things begin to feel semi-normal (as normal as it could be for an undead teenager), skeletons from the past find her and her colony, unleashing a fatal vampire plague. Violet must defend herself from disloyal vampires, vengeful witches, and a mysterious prepubescent soul-sucker. It is up to Violet to save not only her own soul, but also stop the destruction of those she cherishes most dearly.
I have researched your agency through ___________ and found that your company is currently seeking paranormal fiction. My first novel in a supernatural series, LIFE AFTER DEATH, is complete at 114,000 words. I have spent the last six years teaching Language Arts to middle-grade students.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Violet Young is eager to spend a week without parental authority. When her parents leave for their cruise, she is positive that her plans of hanging out with friends, attending rock concerts, and attaining sun-kissed perfection will end her summer off flawlessly. However, her plans come to a smashing halt on her very first day of freedom, thanks to a life-altering car accident.
Strangers find Violet lying on the side of the road and rescue her. When she awakens from death’s grasp, she is frightened and alone, trapped in a fortress. As she tries every means of escape, James—too cute to be a psychotic kidnapper—enters the picture. He reveals a bevy of problems: she is now an unwilling member of his undead colony, blood is her only gruesome sustenance, and she must abandon her heart-beating biological family to prevent herself from the temptation of “dinnertime”.
Violet battles her conflicted emotions of transitioning into a vampire (who wants to drink blood for eternity? Ew!), her growing attraction for James, and the severed ties from her family. Once things begin to feel semi-normal (as normal as it could be for an undead teenager), skeletons from the past find her and her colony, unleashing a fatal vampire plague. Violet must defend herself from disloyal vampires, vengeful witches, and a mysterious prepubescent soul-sucker. It is up to Violet to save not only her own soul, but also stop the destruction of those she cherishes most dearly.
I have researched your agency through ___________ and found that your company is currently seeking paranormal fiction. My first novel in a supernatural series, LIFE AFTER DEATH, is complete at 114,000 words. I have spent the last six years teaching Language Arts to middle-grade students.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Apr 16, 2009
Query - Where Demons Fear to Tread
Dear,
Half-demon Vamyraset Agent Alexis Powers has been given what could very well be her toughest and deadliest case ever.
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want her soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market Holy Relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her Agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage can raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R Barnard
Half-demon Vamyraset Agent Alexis Powers has been given what could very well be her toughest and deadliest case ever.
Death has come calling, but he doesn’t want her soul – he wants her to find a soul. The soul of a murdered Catholic priest to be exact. To hide a soul from Death takes enormous power, and whoever is wielding that power will do anything to keep from being found. Not only must Alex find the person or people responsible, but she must do it before her weakened human side gives in to her darker demonic impulses.
When her best lead turns up missing and a black market Holy Relic comes into play, Alex realizes she can’t do this on her own. She’s forced to accept the help of her Agency rival - a ten thousand year-old Japanese Dragon, and a Witch who specializes in breaking spells. Together they just might be able to solve this case before a demon-powered mage can raise an army of truly immortal vampires.
Where Demons Fear to Tread is my completed 86,000-word urban fantasy novel set in modern-day western Massachusetts a decade and a half after the fall of the Veil between the human world and Faerie. This is my first completed novel that I hope to turn into a series exploring what the world would be like if this sort of apocalypse were to actually occur.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters for review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
R Barnard
QUERY -PAY ATTENTION
Okay, here goes my very first query and four pages of my novel....
Dear My Agent,
A ravaged corpse is discovered in the mountains while a local medical specialist goes missing without a trace. A young woman and her children suddenly disappear and the only witness is a teenage boy who doesn’t realize yet what he’s seen.
Ben Drake hopes to strengthen his relationship with his teenage son Jason during a road trip that takes them from their home in California to the Mountains of Colorado. Their plans are interrupted when they are unexpectedly drawn into a police investigation involving Maeve Tidewell and her two young daughters. Ben and Jason are compelled to keep searching for the missing family near a cabin they have discovered deep in the woods, and an almost psychic connection draws Ben toward a dangerous, and possibly deadly, confrontation.
Meanwhile Maeve finds herself held captive, along with her daughters and the missing doctor, by a disturbed man from her past. They work together to devise a plan to over power the gruesome killer before he decides the time is right for them to die. Somehow, fate brings them all together in a brave and desperate attempt to escape a bizarre kidnapper.
PAY ATTENTION is the first in a series of suspense stories that border on the paranormal, and is complete at approximately 70,000 words. Thank you so much for your time and consideration of this query and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The sirens stopped in mid screech, leaving behind an eerie silence while the muted flashes of red and blue continued to flicker like strobe lights across the dozen or so vehicles strewn across the road. They were parked pal-mel in the brush and a group of search and rescue workers moved solemnly around the scene under a canopy of dark, billowing clouds.
Arnold Baker dug the toe of his work boot into the damp soil and shoved his hands into the pockets of his battered sheep skin coat. He glanced up at the sky as a low rumble of thunder started far off in the distance and then turned his attention to the SUV that was just pulling on to the scene. He raised his arm and signaled to the tall, slightly bowed figure that crawled from behind the wheel, and then watched and waited patiently while he picked his way over the uneven ground.
“Arnie” The coroner bobbed his head by way of greeting and the two fell in step as they walked together to the mutilated body.
“It looks like maybe we found that missin’ hiker we been lookin’ for.” Baker speculated.
“Any clue what happened to him?”
“Looks like he probably fell from the ridge up here.” The short barrel-chested sheriff dipped his balding head toward the edge of the overhang that ended a few feet away. Baker peered up at the coroner from under his bushy gray brows. “S&R had a time pullin’ him up from the bottom of the ravine. He was wedged in pretty tight down there and the critters’ve had a go at him, so you just might have a rough time figurin’ out the exact cause of death.”
“If I didn’t know you better sheriff, I’d say that sounded like a challenge.” Sam Kaufman said light heartedly as he slapped the sheriff on the back. Sam was tall and gaunt and slightly stooped from a life of bending over to avoid knocking his head on every other door frame. The contrast in their appearance and difference in education made the two men an unlikely pair, but early on they had discovered a mutual love for books and the pleasures of fishing that led to a solid friendship. They knelt down over the body and studied the decomposing form. Most of the skin and muscle of the extremities had been torn away, leaving the bones jutting and exposed. Ragged pieces of what appeared to be a faded flannel work shirt were stuck here and there to denim jeans and a tough leather hiking boot was still clinging to one foot. Like the rest of the body, it was almost completely covered with dirt and twigs.
“Well, it looks like the wildlife sure has had a hay day. I suppose this poor guy could be your hiker, but I’d say from the looks of it that he’s been dead for more than a few days. Of course, I can’t really say anything for sure until after the autopsy.”
Sheriff Baker shrugged and nodded in a maybe - maybe not sort of agreement while he chewed down the end of the toothpick he’d been swilling around between his teeth and waited for his old friend to take in the details of the gruesome cadaver. It wasn’t long before his patience was rewarded with Kaufman’s shocked exclamation.
“Jesus H Christ Arnie! What in blue blazes happened to his head?”
“Well now, that’s a good question Sam, but I only know one kind a’ animal that skins the hair off its supper ‘fore he sits down to eat.”
As was typical, Glen ended up being the last one out of the office at the end of a really long day. More and more they were all becoming long days. He could hear Lily’s voice in his head reminding him that if he didn’t slow down, one of these first times he was going to crash and then he wouldn’t be any good to her or his patients. He smiled and told himself he would make it up to her this weekend with a tour of the valleys vineyards and a whole day of wine tasting. He checked to make sure that everything was turned off and the alarm was set before he twisted the key and gave one last tug on the door.
He made his way down the stairs off the back porch of the old Victorian where he had set up his practice almost two years ago and started toward the black Jaguar, his pride and joy, parked just a few feet away. A slight movement caught his attention and just as he looked up, Joseph came lumbering around the corner of the house.
‘What the hell is he doing here?’ Glen spoke under his breath, talking to no one in particular. He had an instinctive dislike for the big ogre and he was always on edge whenever he was forced to meet the man’s cold gaze. He started to open the car door, hoping he could drive away and pretend he hadn’t noticed, but by then Joseph was in the parking lot. He was obviously agitated, waving and babbling something about the kids needing him right away.
However annoyed or edgy Glen might be with the father, he would never ignore the needs of the kids and he immediately forgot about trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed him there.
It never occurred to Glen that Joseph’s behavior was completely out of character, his first and only concern being for the kids. All he could hear was the sense of urgency in the other man’s tone and the almost panic stricken expression on his face.
“Where are they?” He asked, and then without waiting for an answer he added in disgust “I’ll follow you but we might need an ambulance this time, I don’t care what your convictions are!”
He pressed the button to unlock the car door, yanking it open in a fit of temper. He was leaning in to throw his medical bag in the back seat when he felt a sudden overwhelming jolt as something hit him hard between the shoulder blades. He gasped at the blow and fell face first across the console. It was like an electrical shock had robbed him of the ability to move his arms or legs and he struggled as someone folded him like a rag doll into the car. He was beginning to lose consciousness but still he tried to twist away and instead came face to face with his attacker.
A much younger version of Joseph was leaning over him and shoving him on to the floor.
“Carl, you little prick!” Glen snarled the words and was horrified when all that came out was a drunken mumble. Drool rolled out of the side of his mouth and down his chin.
What little reality there was came to him like snatches of scenes from a movie flickering in and out of focus. He was partially awake now and he was being jostled around on the floor board of a car. His car. He recognized the feel of the engine slowing and accelerating each time it took another winding turn. He fought to regain his senses as his body rocked with the motion of the car but the effort only made him more disoriented until suddenly, he turned his head and vomited on the rough carpet that was chafing against the side of his face. He blacked out for a few minutes and when he came to again everything was even more unclear, with only fragments of voices and wispy impressions flitting here and there through his mind as everything slowly faded to black.
Dear My Agent,
A ravaged corpse is discovered in the mountains while a local medical specialist goes missing without a trace. A young woman and her children suddenly disappear and the only witness is a teenage boy who doesn’t realize yet what he’s seen.
Ben Drake hopes to strengthen his relationship with his teenage son Jason during a road trip that takes them from their home in California to the Mountains of Colorado. Their plans are interrupted when they are unexpectedly drawn into a police investigation involving Maeve Tidewell and her two young daughters. Ben and Jason are compelled to keep searching for the missing family near a cabin they have discovered deep in the woods, and an almost psychic connection draws Ben toward a dangerous, and possibly deadly, confrontation.
Meanwhile Maeve finds herself held captive, along with her daughters and the missing doctor, by a disturbed man from her past. They work together to devise a plan to over power the gruesome killer before he decides the time is right for them to die. Somehow, fate brings them all together in a brave and desperate attempt to escape a bizarre kidnapper.
PAY ATTENTION is the first in a series of suspense stories that border on the paranormal, and is complete at approximately 70,000 words. Thank you so much for your time and consideration of this query and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The sirens stopped in mid screech, leaving behind an eerie silence while the muted flashes of red and blue continued to flicker like strobe lights across the dozen or so vehicles strewn across the road. They were parked pal-mel in the brush and a group of search and rescue workers moved solemnly around the scene under a canopy of dark, billowing clouds.
Arnold Baker dug the toe of his work boot into the damp soil and shoved his hands into the pockets of his battered sheep skin coat. He glanced up at the sky as a low rumble of thunder started far off in the distance and then turned his attention to the SUV that was just pulling on to the scene. He raised his arm and signaled to the tall, slightly bowed figure that crawled from behind the wheel, and then watched and waited patiently while he picked his way over the uneven ground.
“Arnie” The coroner bobbed his head by way of greeting and the two fell in step as they walked together to the mutilated body.
“It looks like maybe we found that missin’ hiker we been lookin’ for.” Baker speculated.
“Any clue what happened to him?”
“Looks like he probably fell from the ridge up here.” The short barrel-chested sheriff dipped his balding head toward the edge of the overhang that ended a few feet away. Baker peered up at the coroner from under his bushy gray brows. “S&R had a time pullin’ him up from the bottom of the ravine. He was wedged in pretty tight down there and the critters’ve had a go at him, so you just might have a rough time figurin’ out the exact cause of death.”
“If I didn’t know you better sheriff, I’d say that sounded like a challenge.” Sam Kaufman said light heartedly as he slapped the sheriff on the back. Sam was tall and gaunt and slightly stooped from a life of bending over to avoid knocking his head on every other door frame. The contrast in their appearance and difference in education made the two men an unlikely pair, but early on they had discovered a mutual love for books and the pleasures of fishing that led to a solid friendship. They knelt down over the body and studied the decomposing form. Most of the skin and muscle of the extremities had been torn away, leaving the bones jutting and exposed. Ragged pieces of what appeared to be a faded flannel work shirt were stuck here and there to denim jeans and a tough leather hiking boot was still clinging to one foot. Like the rest of the body, it was almost completely covered with dirt and twigs.
“Well, it looks like the wildlife sure has had a hay day. I suppose this poor guy could be your hiker, but I’d say from the looks of it that he’s been dead for more than a few days. Of course, I can’t really say anything for sure until after the autopsy.”
Sheriff Baker shrugged and nodded in a maybe - maybe not sort of agreement while he chewed down the end of the toothpick he’d been swilling around between his teeth and waited for his old friend to take in the details of the gruesome cadaver. It wasn’t long before his patience was rewarded with Kaufman’s shocked exclamation.
“Jesus H Christ Arnie! What in blue blazes happened to his head?”
“Well now, that’s a good question Sam, but I only know one kind a’ animal that skins the hair off its supper ‘fore he sits down to eat.”
As was typical, Glen ended up being the last one out of the office at the end of a really long day. More and more they were all becoming long days. He could hear Lily’s voice in his head reminding him that if he didn’t slow down, one of these first times he was going to crash and then he wouldn’t be any good to her or his patients. He smiled and told himself he would make it up to her this weekend with a tour of the valleys vineyards and a whole day of wine tasting. He checked to make sure that everything was turned off and the alarm was set before he twisted the key and gave one last tug on the door.
He made his way down the stairs off the back porch of the old Victorian where he had set up his practice almost two years ago and started toward the black Jaguar, his pride and joy, parked just a few feet away. A slight movement caught his attention and just as he looked up, Joseph came lumbering around the corner of the house.
‘What the hell is he doing here?’ Glen spoke under his breath, talking to no one in particular. He had an instinctive dislike for the big ogre and he was always on edge whenever he was forced to meet the man’s cold gaze. He started to open the car door, hoping he could drive away and pretend he hadn’t noticed, but by then Joseph was in the parking lot. He was obviously agitated, waving and babbling something about the kids needing him right away.
However annoyed or edgy Glen might be with the father, he would never ignore the needs of the kids and he immediately forgot about trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed him there.
It never occurred to Glen that Joseph’s behavior was completely out of character, his first and only concern being for the kids. All he could hear was the sense of urgency in the other man’s tone and the almost panic stricken expression on his face.
“Where are they?” He asked, and then without waiting for an answer he added in disgust “I’ll follow you but we might need an ambulance this time, I don’t care what your convictions are!”
He pressed the button to unlock the car door, yanking it open in a fit of temper. He was leaning in to throw his medical bag in the back seat when he felt a sudden overwhelming jolt as something hit him hard between the shoulder blades. He gasped at the blow and fell face first across the console. It was like an electrical shock had robbed him of the ability to move his arms or legs and he struggled as someone folded him like a rag doll into the car. He was beginning to lose consciousness but still he tried to twist away and instead came face to face with his attacker.
A much younger version of Joseph was leaning over him and shoving him on to the floor.
“Carl, you little prick!” Glen snarled the words and was horrified when all that came out was a drunken mumble. Drool rolled out of the side of his mouth and down his chin.
What little reality there was came to him like snatches of scenes from a movie flickering in and out of focus. He was partially awake now and he was being jostled around on the floor board of a car. His car. He recognized the feel of the engine slowing and accelerating each time it took another winding turn. He fought to regain his senses as his body rocked with the motion of the car but the effort only made him more disoriented until suddenly, he turned his head and vomited on the rough carpet that was chafing against the side of his face. He blacked out for a few minutes and when he came to again everything was even more unclear, with only fragments of voices and wispy impressions flitting here and there through his mind as everything slowly faded to black.
Query- Severed Ties (Revision #3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne learns her son is dead. When her dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, Suzanne is convinced that he is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an adjoining bedroom reveals the truth.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne learns her son is dead. When her dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, Suzanne is convinced that he is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an adjoining bedroom reveals the truth.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
The Eternal Link Query Letter
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of nowhere, and the evil wizard Valmont arrives in the future ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All of this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wanted to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina manages her ever growing powers and accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than dust below her feet.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of nowhere, and the evil wizard Valmont arrives in the future ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All of this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wanted to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina manages her ever growing powers and accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than dust below her feet.
Query- Severed Ties (Revision #2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an ajoining bedroom reveals everything Suzanne has been searching for. Caleb is alive.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
When a fellow survivor is interviewed during the one year anniversary coverage of the crash, Suzanne reaches out to her, hoping to find answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from an ajoining bedroom reveals everything Suzanne has been searching for. Caleb is alive.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Apr 15, 2009
Thank You
I try to read every query and every comment on this blog. It's tough, but I try. Many of you have thanked me for starting this and maintaining it, but I can only take partial credit for it. Sure, it was my idea and I moderate it, but the real benefit is not from me. It's from all of you who read the queries and offer your input.
I also need to spread that thanks out to everyone who has helped promote this blog, especially Nathan Bransford, who included a link in one of his This Week in Publishing posts and helped me go from 56 visits one day to 473 the next. He's also gracious enough to allow the occasional link in the comments on his blog. Janet Reid has also allowed links in the comments on her blog. If, by any odd chance, there is someone reading this who has not yet visited either of the aforementioned agent blogs, you really need to check them out.
Some time I'll be adding on links to other writing-centric blogs. There are many good ones out there that help you delve deeper into the craft, like The Innocent Flower, the QueryTracker blog, and The Literary Lab, and some that are fun ways to stretch your creative muscles, like Come in Character.
So thanks all the way around, and good luck!
Oh, and one shameless plug. I have another blog, My Daley Rant, where I let loose with life's little absurdities. If you really want to thank me, stop by there and leave a comment!
I also need to spread that thanks out to everyone who has helped promote this blog, especially Nathan Bransford, who included a link in one of his This Week in Publishing posts and helped me go from 56 visits one day to 473 the next. He's also gracious enough to allow the occasional link in the comments on his blog. Janet Reid has also allowed links in the comments on her blog. If, by any odd chance, there is someone reading this who has not yet visited either of the aforementioned agent blogs, you really need to check them out.
Some time I'll be adding on links to other writing-centric blogs. There are many good ones out there that help you delve deeper into the craft, like The Innocent Flower, the QueryTracker blog, and The Literary Lab, and some that are fun ways to stretch your creative muscles, like Come in Character.
So thanks all the way around, and good luck!
Oh, and one shameless plug. I have another blog, My Daley Rant, where I let loose with life's little absurdities. If you really want to thank me, stop by there and leave a comment!
Query- Severed Ties (Revision #1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
At the one year anniversary of the crash, Suzanne meets a fellow survivor who may have answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from the next room reveals the awful truth.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Dear Agent,
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.
Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.
At the one year anniversary of the crash, Suzanne meets a fellow survivor who may have answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from the next room reveals the awful truth.
I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Query- EVERLASTING (Revision #1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear _______:
When you die, you’re supposed to fade to Everlasting. That’s what souls believe. But Jeanne has been dead for hundreds of years and yet she aimlessly wanders the halls of The Louvre in modern-day Paris.
Jeanne’s aimlessness ends the day she encounters Etienne Armand, a fashion designer on the brink of ruin. Finding that he can see her is a surprise which wrenches her into awareness. Released from her despondence, Jeanne is compelled to investigate the painful memories of her tragic past and is inexorably drawn into the world of the living. She embarks on a plan to help Etienne save his failing couture house and they recognize a mutual attraction with roots in the mysteries of her previous life.
Jeanne’s initial eagerness to find resolution and fade, morphs over the course of her journey into frantic desperation to remain in the land of the living. Unfortunately, fading is not the choice of the soul.
EVERLASTING is romantic fiction, with a supernatural twist, completed at 75,000 words for which I am seeking representation. Thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Sincerely,
ME
Dear _______:
When you die, you’re supposed to fade to Everlasting. That’s what souls believe. But Jeanne has been dead for hundreds of years and yet she aimlessly wanders the halls of The Louvre in modern-day Paris.
Jeanne’s aimlessness ends the day she encounters Etienne Armand, a fashion designer on the brink of ruin. Finding that he can see her is a surprise which wrenches her into awareness. Released from her despondence, Jeanne is compelled to investigate the painful memories of her tragic past and is inexorably drawn into the world of the living. She embarks on a plan to help Etienne save his failing couture house and they recognize a mutual attraction with roots in the mysteries of her previous life.
Jeanne’s initial eagerness to find resolution and fade, morphs over the course of her journey into frantic desperation to remain in the land of the living. Unfortunately, fading is not the choice of the soul.
EVERLASTING is romantic fiction, with a supernatural twist, completed at 75,000 words for which I am seeking representation. Thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Sincerely,
ME
QUERY - ANGEL UNDERCOVER (Revision 4)
Click here to read revisions 2 and 3.
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear [Agent name],
I chose to submit to you because [personalized tidbit about agent].
Fourteen year old Paige Moss is a bleeding-heart humanitarian optimist held captive by her own timid nature. But when she is kidnapped by a deranged visionary, Paige must get past her shyness in order to save her sister’s integrity, her friend’s happiness, and her city’s existence from his manipulating grip. A much bolder Paige exposes the visionary’s ruthless game, follows him into exile to retrieve a precious belonging, and leads a team of allies to save her city from his vengeance. Through her oft-dangerous, yet light-hearted adventures, Paige is accompanied by a diverse cast of unforgettable friends. She learns that shyness is not a state of existence, but a choice – that her character is really the sum of her actions – and becomes the hero she never expected she could be.
ANGEL UNDERCOVER is an 84,000 word YA fantasy. It is my first novel and it sets up for sequels.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards,
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear [Agent name],
I chose to submit to you because [personalized tidbit about agent].
Fourteen year old Paige Moss is a bleeding-heart humanitarian optimist held captive by her own timid nature. But when she is kidnapped by a deranged visionary, Paige must get past her shyness in order to save her sister’s integrity, her friend’s happiness, and her city’s existence from his manipulating grip. A much bolder Paige exposes the visionary’s ruthless game, follows him into exile to retrieve a precious belonging, and leads a team of allies to save her city from his vengeance. Through her oft-dangerous, yet light-hearted adventures, Paige is accompanied by a diverse cast of unforgettable friends. She learns that shyness is not a state of existence, but a choice – that her character is really the sum of her actions – and becomes the hero she never expected she could be.
ANGEL UNDERCOVER is an 84,000 word YA fantasy. It is my first novel and it sets up for sequels.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards,
Query- Severed Ties
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my novel, Severed Ties, complete at 114,000 words.
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet. Her infant son, Caleb, is missing and presumed dead.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive. Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. A torrid affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator further damages her fragile union. A year after the crash, Suzanne seeks out a fellow survivor who may have answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from the next room reveals the awful truth.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
I am seeking representation for my novel, Severed Ties, complete at 114,000 words.
Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet. Her infant son, Caleb, is missing and presumed dead.
Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive. Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. A torrid affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator further damages her fragile union. A year after the crash, Suzanne seeks out a fellow survivor who may have answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from the next room reveals the awful truth.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Sincerely,
D. Ross
Query- The Vampire, the Witch & the Wardrobe
Dear Ms. Jackson:
Only something seriously nasty would drag Dr. Bebe Zachary home to San Francisco. If her grandmother’s accidental overdose weren’t bad enough, her cousins have filed to overturn Grandma Petrov’s will and lost their coven’s Book of Shadows in the process. The only way to get the politically incriminating Book back is to buy the wardrobe it’s hidden in at the estate auction. Except she’s outbid by the only thing more infuriating than her idiotic cousins--a vampire. Not just any vampire, but the coven master of the western United States, Caesar Augustine.
Caesar’s siblings think he’s insane for jumping smack dab in the middle of a witches’ civil war. He’d be the first person to admit it’s the last place he wants to be, but Natasha Petrov’s death was no accident. Someone’s found out she was working on a cure for the vampire virus, and her notes have disappeared. If he ever wants to be human again, his only choice is to stay close to Natasha’s heir, her granddaughter Bebe. And the luscious witch provides a temptation more dangerous than the assassins after her.
The Vampire, the Witch & the Wardrobe is a 90,000-word urban fantasy novel with romantic elements and has finaled in two RWA contests. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
I am a member of Romance Writers of America, and I’m active in the West Houston chapter. As a recovering attorney, I currently write a legal column for the Texas Highway Patrol Magazine.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
Only something seriously nasty would drag Dr. Bebe Zachary home to San Francisco. If her grandmother’s accidental overdose weren’t bad enough, her cousins have filed to overturn Grandma Petrov’s will and lost their coven’s Book of Shadows in the process. The only way to get the politically incriminating Book back is to buy the wardrobe it’s hidden in at the estate auction. Except she’s outbid by the only thing more infuriating than her idiotic cousins--a vampire. Not just any vampire, but the coven master of the western United States, Caesar Augustine.
Caesar’s siblings think he’s insane for jumping smack dab in the middle of a witches’ civil war. He’d be the first person to admit it’s the last place he wants to be, but Natasha Petrov’s death was no accident. Someone’s found out she was working on a cure for the vampire virus, and her notes have disappeared. If he ever wants to be human again, his only choice is to stay close to Natasha’s heir, her granddaughter Bebe. And the luscious witch provides a temptation more dangerous than the assassins after her.
The Vampire, the Witch & the Wardrobe is a 90,000-word urban fantasy novel with romantic elements and has finaled in two RWA contests. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
I am a member of Romance Writers of America, and I’m active in the West Houston chapter. As a recovering attorney, I currently write a legal column for the Texas Highway Patrol Magazine.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
QUERY- First Degree Innocence
Dear (Agent Name):
Carrie Lang’s sheltered life ends with a prison sentence when she’s wrongfully convicted for involvement in a bank robbery. Her arrest comes on the day she’s called in sick and stayed inside, so she has no explanation why an eye-witness describes her in great detail, right down to the make and model of her car.
Someone’s made a terrible mistake, but her continued plea of innocence falls on deaf ears, even among her fellow inmates. Her woes increase when the prison bully sets her sights on Carrie as a cellmate. There's a plan for retribution brewing, and naïve Carrie finds herself smack dab in the middle of it. Her ten year sentence seems mild when death becomes a very real option for refusing to participate.
First Degree Innocence, my women's fiction/romantic suspense, is nearing completion at a length suitable for mainstream publishing. This story of a woman wrongly incarcerated is not for the faint of heart, even when a handsome male guard enters the picture. I'm sure readers will sense the terror, isolation and cold gray interior of prison life while walking in my heroine's shoes.
I’ve researched your website, admire what I see, and have read positive feedback from those you represent. Like most authors, I aspire to bigger and better things and I would love to team with you. I write in the genres you seek and am an award nominated, multi-published author already contracted with several small houses. I’ve recently sold two short stories to a new romance magazine.
My love for writing and past experience in creating and editing forms/publications for my position at the University of California nurtured my desire to be an author. Aside from a personal website featuring excerpts from my published work, I maintain a very active blog and membership to a multitude of author/reader groups and promotional sites. I also participate in two critique groups that have been very helpful. I can be reached at (redacted)if you have questions, or I respond very well to email at (redacted)
I realize you are very busy, so I thank you for your time and attention. I hope my query has piqued your curiosity about Carrie’s claim of First Degree Innocence.
Carrie Lang’s sheltered life ends with a prison sentence when she’s wrongfully convicted for involvement in a bank robbery. Her arrest comes on the day she’s called in sick and stayed inside, so she has no explanation why an eye-witness describes her in great detail, right down to the make and model of her car.
Someone’s made a terrible mistake, but her continued plea of innocence falls on deaf ears, even among her fellow inmates. Her woes increase when the prison bully sets her sights on Carrie as a cellmate. There's a plan for retribution brewing, and naïve Carrie finds herself smack dab in the middle of it. Her ten year sentence seems mild when death becomes a very real option for refusing to participate.
First Degree Innocence, my women's fiction/romantic suspense, is nearing completion at a length suitable for mainstream publishing. This story of a woman wrongly incarcerated is not for the faint of heart, even when a handsome male guard enters the picture. I'm sure readers will sense the terror, isolation and cold gray interior of prison life while walking in my heroine's shoes.
I’ve researched your website, admire what I see, and have read positive feedback from those you represent. Like most authors, I aspire to bigger and better things and I would love to team with you. I write in the genres you seek and am an award nominated, multi-published author already contracted with several small houses. I’ve recently sold two short stories to a new romance magazine.
My love for writing and past experience in creating and editing forms/publications for my position at the University of California nurtured my desire to be an author. Aside from a personal website featuring excerpts from my published work, I maintain a very active blog and membership to a multitude of author/reader groups and promotional sites. I also participate in two critique groups that have been very helpful. I can be reached at (redacted)if you have questions, or I respond very well to email at (redacted)
I realize you are very busy, so I thank you for your time and attention. I hope my query has piqued your curiosity about Carrie’s claim of First Degree Innocence.
Apr 14, 2009
Query--Doesn't Matter Anyway
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent-for-a-day:
I am writing to gauge your interest in representing, “Doesn’t Matter Anyway,” a 120,000-word (390-page typescript) work of adult fiction. I understand [because of my careful research] that you have a particular interest in literary coming-of-age novels.
Alan is an eleven-year-old boy in a small Midwestern city just starting to understand that the frightening violence his dad inflicts on his mom at night is something he needs to keep secret outside the house. Increasingly resentful and unsure about who to trust, Alan only succeeds in isolating himself—from his best friend since first grade, who is more cool and outgoing and impatient with Alan’s clinginess; from his friend’s parents, who offer a seductive vision of a normal family life; and from his mom, who seems more interested in keeping Alan a little kid than in getting away from the violence. We follow Alan over the next two years as he grows more independent and more confident that he can ride out this situation without anyone else’s help. But he’s unaware of how he is becoming a volatile ingredient to the situation himself, nudging his parents out of their old patterns and into dangerous new territory.
I am a freelance journalist and copywriter and a college writing teacher, and “Doesn’t Matter Anyway” is my first novel. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely,
R. E. Dacted
I am writing to gauge your interest in representing, “Doesn’t Matter Anyway,” a 120,000-word (390-page typescript) work of adult fiction. I understand [because of my careful research] that you have a particular interest in literary coming-of-age novels.
Alan is an eleven-year-old boy in a small Midwestern city just starting to understand that the frightening violence his dad inflicts on his mom at night is something he needs to keep secret outside the house. Increasingly resentful and unsure about who to trust, Alan only succeeds in isolating himself—from his best friend since first grade, who is more cool and outgoing and impatient with Alan’s clinginess; from his friend’s parents, who offer a seductive vision of a normal family life; and from his mom, who seems more interested in keeping Alan a little kid than in getting away from the violence. We follow Alan over the next two years as he grows more independent and more confident that he can ride out this situation without anyone else’s help. But he’s unaware of how he is becoming a volatile ingredient to the situation himself, nudging his parents out of their old patterns and into dangerous new territory.
I am a freelance journalist and copywriter and a college writing teacher, and “Doesn’t Matter Anyway” is my first novel. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely,
R. E. Dacted
Query- Everlasting
Dear ________:
When you die, you’re supposed to go to Everlasting. That’s what the souls believe. But Jeanne has been dead for hundreds of years and yet she aimlessly wanders the halls of The Lourve in modern-day Paris.
Her aimlessness ends the day she encounters Etienne Armand, a fashion designer on the brink of ruin. Finding that he can see her shocks her into realizing that she has forgotten who she was and how she died. She now feels compelled to investigate memories of her past with the help of two other souls who have resisted fading. While painful memories of her tragic history slowly emerge, she is inexorably drawn into the world of the living as she embarks on a plan to help Etienne save his failing couture house, and they recognize a mutual attraction with roots in her previous life.
In the beginning of her quest, Jeanne is eager only to find the resolution which will allow her to fade. But, soon it is apparent there is a mystery involved in her identity and the details of recorded history. Is she really the daughter of famous painter, Elizabeth Vigee Le Brun? Did her mother take the place of Marie Antoinette on the guillotine?
Jeanne comes to realize that Everlasting is not just where souls go when they fade, it’s also emotions and relationships that continue through the centuries. With this comprehension, she becomes desperate to stay in the land of the living, but fading is not the choice of the soul.
Everlasting is romantic fiction, with a supernatural twist, completed at 75,000 words for which I am seeking representation. Thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Sincerely,
me
When you die, you’re supposed to go to Everlasting. That’s what the souls believe. But Jeanne has been dead for hundreds of years and yet she aimlessly wanders the halls of The Lourve in modern-day Paris.
Her aimlessness ends the day she encounters Etienne Armand, a fashion designer on the brink of ruin. Finding that he can see her shocks her into realizing that she has forgotten who she was and how she died. She now feels compelled to investigate memories of her past with the help of two other souls who have resisted fading. While painful memories of her tragic history slowly emerge, she is inexorably drawn into the world of the living as she embarks on a plan to help Etienne save his failing couture house, and they recognize a mutual attraction with roots in her previous life.
In the beginning of her quest, Jeanne is eager only to find the resolution which will allow her to fade. But, soon it is apparent there is a mystery involved in her identity and the details of recorded history. Is she really the daughter of famous painter, Elizabeth Vigee Le Brun? Did her mother take the place of Marie Antoinette on the guillotine?
Jeanne comes to realize that Everlasting is not just where souls go when they fade, it’s also emotions and relationships that continue through the centuries. With this comprehension, she becomes desperate to stay in the land of the living, but fading is not the choice of the soul.
Everlasting is romantic fiction, with a supernatural twist, completed at 75,000 words for which I am seeking representation. Thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Sincerely,
me
Query- SOCIAL UPGRADE
Dear _______,
I'm seeking representation for my YA sci-fi novel, SOCIAL UPGRADE, complete at 75,000 words.
Max Foster's 16th birthday isn't quite what he expected. Maybe it's the insanely advanced phone his quirky uncle gives him, or the discovery that he has two identical brothers living in...well, they aren't exactly in the Boston area. Or it could be the holographic snakes that no one else can see wreaking havoc at his Starbucks.
Now Max and his newfound brothers Liam and Gabe are in the "game"- at least, that's what Uncle Renard calls it- a mission to stop the wi-fi breeding snakes from spreading a deadly virus that's already claimed thousands of lives around the world. Armed with their phones, they can travel to any city threatened with an outbreak using the TeleTransitSystem, and download any skill they need thanks to the handy Ad-I (Additional Intelligence) widget.
But when they find the source of the virus- a program designed by a scientist-turned-religious zealot- the three boys also discover who- or what- they really are. The program wasn't intended to kill humans...it was designed to kill them. And they may be mankind's only hope for survival.
I'm an ESL teacher, and SOCIAL UPGRADE is my first novel.
I appreciate your time and consideration!
I'm seeking representation for my YA sci-fi novel, SOCIAL UPGRADE, complete at 75,000 words.
Max Foster's 16th birthday isn't quite what he expected. Maybe it's the insanely advanced phone his quirky uncle gives him, or the discovery that he has two identical brothers living in...well, they aren't exactly in the Boston area. Or it could be the holographic snakes that no one else can see wreaking havoc at his Starbucks.
Now Max and his newfound brothers Liam and Gabe are in the "game"- at least, that's what Uncle Renard calls it- a mission to stop the wi-fi breeding snakes from spreading a deadly virus that's already claimed thousands of lives around the world. Armed with their phones, they can travel to any city threatened with an outbreak using the TeleTransitSystem, and download any skill they need thanks to the handy Ad-I (Additional Intelligence) widget.
But when they find the source of the virus- a program designed by a scientist-turned-religious zealot- the three boys also discover who- or what- they really are. The program wasn't intended to kill humans...it was designed to kill them. And they may be mankind's only hope for survival.
I'm an ESL teacher, and SOCIAL UPGRADE is my first novel.
I appreciate your time and consideration!
Query- Hollow
Dear [Agent's Name]:
[Personalized paragraph if this agent likes such things]
After Malayka sees her parents kill each other mere feet away from her, guilt threatens to overwhelm her - the guilt threatens the wall she's built around herself to survive all the disappointment and pain she's suffered through in her life. Malayka blames herself for her mother's death. After all, her mother picked the fatal fight because of her. Malayka's father had always started and finished the many fights that came before the last one.
At their parents' funeral, Malayka and C.J. meet the aunt, uncle and cousin they are to live with now for the first time. When they arrive in Blue Crest, Virginia, Malayka is forced into a new life of privilege many would love, but she doesn't want it. Malayka, who deals with the past by not dealing with it and who deals with emotion by not allowing herself to feel any, will be stripped of her defenses. While trying to find a way to be normal and blend in, she will find that the past she seeks to avoid continually plagues her present. When a visitor from her past shows up and threatens to destroy her hopes for a normal future, she is forced to realize that ignoring the past is not a viable way of putting it behind her.
HOLLOW is a 78,000-word multicultural young adult novel. It is a coming-of-age story with plot twists similar to those of a psychological thriller. This is a story about how domestic violence affects an entire family. It is also about healing and moving on after experiencing tragedy in life.
There is potential for both a prequel and a sequel, but HOLLOW is capable of standing on its own. Currently, I do not have any published work to my credit. I hope you have enjoyed learning a little about HOLLOW. Have a wonderful day.
Thank you,
Nicole Green
[Contact Info Redacted]
[Personalized paragraph if this agent likes such things]
After Malayka sees her parents kill each other mere feet away from her, guilt threatens to overwhelm her - the guilt threatens the wall she's built around herself to survive all the disappointment and pain she's suffered through in her life. Malayka blames herself for her mother's death. After all, her mother picked the fatal fight because of her. Malayka's father had always started and finished the many fights that came before the last one.
At their parents' funeral, Malayka and C.J. meet the aunt, uncle and cousin they are to live with now for the first time. When they arrive in Blue Crest, Virginia, Malayka is forced into a new life of privilege many would love, but she doesn't want it. Malayka, who deals with the past by not dealing with it and who deals with emotion by not allowing herself to feel any, will be stripped of her defenses. While trying to find a way to be normal and blend in, she will find that the past she seeks to avoid continually plagues her present. When a visitor from her past shows up and threatens to destroy her hopes for a normal future, she is forced to realize that ignoring the past is not a viable way of putting it behind her.
HOLLOW is a 78,000-word multicultural young adult novel. It is a coming-of-age story with plot twists similar to those of a psychological thriller. This is a story about how domestic violence affects an entire family. It is also about healing and moving on after experiencing tragedy in life.
There is potential for both a prequel and a sequel, but HOLLOW is capable of standing on its own. Currently, I do not have any published work to my credit. I hope you have enjoyed learning a little about HOLLOW. Have a wonderful day.
Thank you,
Nicole Green
[Contact Info Redacted]
Apr 13, 2009
Query- Midnight
Date
Agent Name-spelled-right
Literary Agency
Address
Address
Dear Agent Name-spelled-right,
Midnight is the first novel in a completed urban fantasy series. Life in rural 1985 Kentucky doesn't equate to simple life when Samantha Clark discovers that what she always believed was garden variety depression is genetically-inherited vampirism. As she struggles to leave behind a life of abuse and emotional disintegration, she also learns what it is to be a vampire--nothing like the books and movies--through the support and guidance of Jeremy, Steve, and her mentor Michael, all of whom share her genetic predisposition and have undertaken similar journeys. Not only does Sami awaken to her vampiric nature, but she also sheds her past perceptions of what she thought she had to be and discovers who she needs to be: her true self after all, in the arms of the Family she always longed for, as an unwanted child who never knew the truth of her roots, of her mother and father.
I grew up in the mountains of southeastern Kentucky. My poetry and short stories have appeared in the Stories from the Red Light District anthology, the Aegri Somnia anthology, the upcoming Harlan County Horrors anthology, and the Help anthology. I am a member of the Toasted Cheese online writing community, a contributing editor for Apex Magazine, and an independent book reviewer and editor.
I declare that I am the author and sole owner of Midnight, and the Harlan Vampire Series as a whole, and that it is original and contains no unlawful content, nor does it violate the rights of any third party.
I have included a one page synopsis of Midnight with this letter and will send the completed manuscript (106,481 words) or a portion at your request. I look forward to your response. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Mari Adkins
[[contact information]]
Agent Name-spelled-right
Literary Agency
Address
Address
Dear Agent Name-spelled-right,
Midnight is the first novel in a completed urban fantasy series. Life in rural 1985 Kentucky doesn't equate to simple life when Samantha Clark discovers that what she always believed was garden variety depression is genetically-inherited vampirism. As she struggles to leave behind a life of abuse and emotional disintegration, she also learns what it is to be a vampire--nothing like the books and movies--through the support and guidance of Jeremy, Steve, and her mentor Michael, all of whom share her genetic predisposition and have undertaken similar journeys. Not only does Sami awaken to her vampiric nature, but she also sheds her past perceptions of what she thought she had to be and discovers who she needs to be: her true self after all, in the arms of the Family she always longed for, as an unwanted child who never knew the truth of her roots, of her mother and father.
I grew up in the mountains of southeastern Kentucky. My poetry and short stories have appeared in the Stories from the Red Light District anthology, the Aegri Somnia anthology, the upcoming Harlan County Horrors anthology, and the Help anthology. I am a member of the Toasted Cheese online writing community, a contributing editor for Apex Magazine, and an independent book reviewer and editor.
I declare that I am the author and sole owner of Midnight, and the Harlan Vampire Series as a whole, and that it is original and contains no unlawful content, nor does it violate the rights of any third party.
I have included a one page synopsis of Midnight with this letter and will send the completed manuscript (106,481 words) or a portion at your request. I look forward to your response. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Mari Adkins
[[contact information]]
Query - Quest Support
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
A second revision has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear (Agent),
An Ancient Evil has arisen, but a Cryptic Prophecy speaks of a Young Boy who will wield a Mystic Sword and defeat it. Gilbert Gaberlunzie has seen this tired old plot play out more times than he can count. Gilbert works at Quest Support, a call center that provides assistance to Heroes, Villains, and anyone else involved in Quests. Even though he’s sure he’d make a better adventurer than any of the idiots who call him, Gilbert is satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t work out quite that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets an extra-stupid Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert decides to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. After doing interviews for party members and appropriating some malfunctioning magical artifacts from his ex-employer, Gilbert sets off on a journey down the well-trodden paths of fantasydom. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
QUEST SUPPORT is complete at 94,000 words. It is a lighthearted fantasy that pokes some good-natured fun at the genre’s clichés, and is a perfect antidote to the flood of Tired Tolkien Clones out there. It will appeal to readers sick of clueless cardboard characters, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Me
A second revision has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear (Agent),
An Ancient Evil has arisen, but a Cryptic Prophecy speaks of a Young Boy who will wield a Mystic Sword and defeat it. Gilbert Gaberlunzie has seen this tired old plot play out more times than he can count. Gilbert works at Quest Support, a call center that provides assistance to Heroes, Villains, and anyone else involved in Quests. Even though he’s sure he’d make a better adventurer than any of the idiots who call him, Gilbert is satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t work out quite that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets an extra-stupid Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert decides to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. After doing interviews for party members and appropriating some malfunctioning magical artifacts from his ex-employer, Gilbert sets off on a journey down the well-trodden paths of fantasydom. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
QUEST SUPPORT is complete at 94,000 words. It is a lighthearted fantasy that pokes some good-natured fun at the genre’s clichés, and is a perfect antidote to the flood of Tired Tolkien Clones out there. It will appeal to readers sick of clueless cardboard characters, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Me
Query Drought, Send Help!
I know Nathan Bransford is posting 50 queries today in his Agent For a Day contest, and that many of you know about this blog because you read about it on Nathan's...but still, we're running low on queries and I know they are out there! Don't let other activities stop you from posting here.
:-(
Tell your fiends in your online and real-world writing groups about this Public Query Slushpile, and let's see if we can build up some new momentum!
:-(
Tell your fiends in your online and real-world writing groups about this Public Query Slushpile, and let's see if we can build up some new momentum!
Apr 7, 2009
Query Revision 2: HOUND IN BLOOD AND BLACK
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Kumari is a wrangler; a poacher and a gambler who catches zombies and fights them against one another as gladiators. All she wanted to do was live and die without becoming a monster. In a broken Earth populated by undead, slavers, drought and greed, this isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Kumari’s simple life changes from one of survival to something much more complicated when she wins a girl in a risky gamble – a child-slave desperate to find something to live for in the world Kumari has forsaken – and is forced to kill her closet friend when he is bitten by an undead. When running to a new city in hopes of escaping her pain causes more problems than it solves, Kumari faces the loss of the only thing worth living for when she is infected by a zombie bite: her humanity.
HOUND IN BLOOD AND BLACK, complete at approximately 100,000 words, is science fiction/horror. Kumari’s story explores a new kind of future where existing isn’t just about running from and killing zombies, but fighting them against each other in gladiatorial combat – the only way left for mankind to prove to themselves that they aren’t the real monsters.
In January 2009, my short story Savage was published in Monstrous: 20 Tales of Giant Creature Terror by Permuted Press. Recently, Savage was republished in the April 2009 issue of the Apex online magazine.
Thank you for your consideration,
E. Anderson
http://thescreamingguppy.blogspot.com/
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Kumari is a wrangler; a poacher and a gambler who catches zombies and fights them against one another as gladiators. All she wanted to do was live and die without becoming a monster. In a broken Earth populated by undead, slavers, drought and greed, this isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Kumari’s simple life changes from one of survival to something much more complicated when she wins a girl in a risky gamble – a child-slave desperate to find something to live for in the world Kumari has forsaken – and is forced to kill her closet friend when he is bitten by an undead. When running to a new city in hopes of escaping her pain causes more problems than it solves, Kumari faces the loss of the only thing worth living for when she is infected by a zombie bite: her humanity.
HOUND IN BLOOD AND BLACK, complete at approximately 100,000 words, is science fiction/horror. Kumari’s story explores a new kind of future where existing isn’t just about running from and killing zombies, but fighting them against each other in gladiatorial combat – the only way left for mankind to prove to themselves that they aren’t the real monsters.
In January 2009, my short story Savage was published in Monstrous: 20 Tales of Giant Creature Terror by Permuted Press. Recently, Savage was republished in the April 2009 issue of the Apex online magazine.
Thank you for your consideration,
E. Anderson
http://thescreamingguppy.blogspot.com/
Show and Tell
One challenge many of us face is telling our readers what happens instead of showing them what happens. This can impact our manuscripts and our queries, and not in the way we want...
Sarah Garrigues has a great post on her blog addressing this subject, click here to read it. She does a great job of exploring writing that is character-driven vs. plot driven, and she has many links to other resources to further explore this important topic.
Oh, one more thing...submit more queries! I know they are out there...
Sarah Garrigues has a great post on her blog addressing this subject, click here to read it. She does a great job of exploring writing that is character-driven vs. plot driven, and she has many links to other resources to further explore this important topic.
Oh, one more thing...submit more queries! I know they are out there...
Apr 6, 2009
QUERY- FATE'S GUARDIAN (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Attn:,
In thirteenth century France, a wandering Troubadour kills a man in an attempt to earn the love of his abused wife, Desiree, but the Troubadour’s efforts are in vain. Unable to deal with Desiree’s rejection, the Troubadour kidnaps her and they both die in a murder-suicide. Desiree and her husband move on to reincarnate into new lives, but the Troubadour remains earthbound, trapped as a ghost.
Desperate to cross over and find Desiree, the Troubadour wanders the globe, searching for people on the brink of death and clinging to them in hope of finding a soul strong enough to carry him through the light. Most slip from his grasp and cross over without him. Occasionally his grip is tight enough to hold the soul back, and when he does he grows stronger by consuming its energy - but he also absorbs its memories, and in doing so obscures his own.
Centuries later the Troubadour’s past resurfaces when he runs into Gil Jacobs and Julie Flaherty, who are the reincarnated souls of Desiree and her husband. Gil and Julie were born into this life to find the Troubadour and bring him back, but the Troubadour has other plans - his hunger for power is stronger than his desire to live again. The resulting struggle puts Gil’s soul in peril, and Julie sacrifices herself to the Troubadour so that Gil can die and escape to the other side.
FATE'S GUARDIAN is complete at 110,000 words. It is a supernatural thriller directed toward a commercial fiction audience, and first in a series titled DESTINY'S WILL. I have been writing professionally for business for the past eight years, including technical and training manuals, copywriting, press releases, and business proposals.
I am asking for your representation because I did my research and know you are an awesome agent who represents this kind of fiction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Regards,
Attn:
In thirteenth century France, a wandering Troubadour kills a man in an attempt to earn the love of his abused wife, Desiree, but the Troubadour’s efforts are in vain. Unable to deal with Desiree’s rejection, the Troubadour kidnaps her and they both die in a murder-suicide. Desiree and her husband move on to reincarnate into new lives, but the Troubadour remains earthbound, trapped as a ghost.
Desperate to cross over and find Desiree, the Troubadour wanders the globe, searching for people on the brink of death and clinging to them in hope of finding a soul strong enough to carry him through the light. Most slip from his grasp and cross over without him. Occasionally his grip is tight enough to hold the soul back, and when he does he grows stronger by consuming its energy - but he also absorbs its memories, and in doing so obscures his own.
Centuries later the Troubadour’s past resurfaces when he runs into Gil Jacobs and Julie Flaherty, who are the reincarnated souls of Desiree and her husband. Gil and Julie were born into this life to find the Troubadour and bring him back, but the Troubadour has other plans - his hunger for power is stronger than his desire to live again. The resulting struggle puts Gil’s soul in peril, and Julie sacrifices herself to the Troubadour so that Gil can die and escape to the other side.
FATE'S GUARDIAN is complete at 110,000 words. It is a supernatural thriller directed toward a commercial fiction audience, and first in a series titled DESTINY'S WILL. I have been writing professionally for business for the past eight years, including technical and training manuals, copywriting, press releases, and business proposals.
I am asking for your representation because I did my research and know you are an awesome agent who represents this kind of fiction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Regards,
QUERY- THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Attn: [agent],
Please consider my 500 word contemporary picture book, THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT. This quirky comedy is directed to the 2-6 year age range and should appeal to kids (and adults!) who liked WALTER THE FARTING DOG.
Rudy Toot-Toot was born on a bean farm. He has an amazing gift - at least he thinks it is amazing – but I’ll tell you about that in a second. He also has an amazing problem: Rudy Toot-Toot does not know how to use any manners. His family tries to eat dinner, but can barely even get started because of Rudy’s antics. “Rudy Toot-Toot! How rude!” the family exclaims repeatedly. But when Rudy starts eating his beans, his amazing gift takes over…and the family had better run for cover!
I have been writing professionally for business for the past eight years, including copywriting, press releases, and proposals. THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT is my first picture book manuscript, inspired by my own two sons.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Attn: [agent],
Please consider my 500 word contemporary picture book, THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT. This quirky comedy is directed to the 2-6 year age range and should appeal to kids (and adults!) who liked WALTER THE FARTING DOG.
Rudy Toot-Toot was born on a bean farm. He has an amazing gift - at least he thinks it is amazing – but I’ll tell you about that in a second. He also has an amazing problem: Rudy Toot-Toot does not know how to use any manners. His family tries to eat dinner, but can barely even get started because of Rudy’s antics. “Rudy Toot-Toot! How rude!” the family exclaims repeatedly. But when Rudy starts eating his beans, his amazing gift takes over…and the family had better run for cover!
I have been writing professionally for business for the past eight years, including copywriting, press releases, and proposals. THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT is my first picture book manuscript, inspired by my own two sons.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query Revision: HOUND IN BLOOD AND BLACK
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
All Kumari wanted was to live and die without becoming a monster; for Heaven, the child slave, there was nothing worth living for in the broken remains of a world lost to the undead – a place where men are more twisted than the walking corpses roaming the inland. Clean water and peaceful sleep are things of the past. After all, a barricade of rusted metal, broken glass and mercenaries with guns isn’t always enough to keep the dead out. And for some, it’s all about letting them in.
Kumari is a wrangler, a poacher and a gambler who catches undead and fights them against one another in the pit as gladiators. When she wins a dangerous gamble against her greatest rival, Kumari finds herself in possession of Heaven. Granting the girl freedom is the catalyst for a series of dangerous events, one of which forces Kumari to face the death of a treasured friend after she pulls the trigger. From there, mere survival becomes much more complicated.
As Heaven struggles between the acceptance of misery and the chance to live for herself, Kumari stares in the maw of her greatest fear when she is bitten by an undead and the death she believes so strongly in is threatened.
HOUND IN BLOOD AND BLACK, 101,500 words, is dystopian fiction with horror, thriller and science fiction elements. It explores a new kind of future where existing isn’t just about running from and killing zombies, but about the struggles humanity faces after the dust has settled and the world has died.
In January 2009, my short story Savage was published in Monstrous: 20 Tales of Giant Creature Terror by Permuted Press. I have samples of both my professional writing and fiction posted on my blog at http://www.thescreamingguppy.blogspot.com/.
Thank you for your consideration,
E. Anderson
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Agent,
All Kumari wanted was to live and die without becoming a monster; for Heaven, the child slave, there was nothing worth living for in the broken remains of a world lost to the undead – a place where men are more twisted than the walking corpses roaming the inland. Clean water and peaceful sleep are things of the past. After all, a barricade of rusted metal, broken glass and mercenaries with guns isn’t always enough to keep the dead out. And for some, it’s all about letting them in.
Kumari is a wrangler, a poacher and a gambler who catches undead and fights them against one another in the pit as gladiators. When she wins a dangerous gamble against her greatest rival, Kumari finds herself in possession of Heaven. Granting the girl freedom is the catalyst for a series of dangerous events, one of which forces Kumari to face the death of a treasured friend after she pulls the trigger. From there, mere survival becomes much more complicated.
As Heaven struggles between the acceptance of misery and the chance to live for herself, Kumari stares in the maw of her greatest fear when she is bitten by an undead and the death she believes so strongly in is threatened.
HOUND IN BLOOD AND BLACK, 101,500 words, is dystopian fiction with horror, thriller and science fiction elements. It explores a new kind of future where existing isn’t just about running from and killing zombies, but about the struggles humanity faces after the dust has settled and the world has died.
In January 2009, my short story Savage was published in Monstrous: 20 Tales of Giant Creature Terror by Permuted Press. I have samples of both my professional writing and fiction posted on my blog at http://www.thescreamingguppy.blogspot.com/.
Thank you for your consideration,
E. Anderson
Apr 3, 2009
Query vs. Manuscript
I had a partial request earlier this year. I take this as success on the query front, because the agent didn't reject the query. The problem is, the agent rejected the partial.
I did receive good feedback, though. The agent thought I was a talented writer, and that my premise is clever, but the narrative had too much exposition / backstory and not enough forward momentum. Some of the feedback paralleled comments from my critique group, but the agent had a better way of pointing it out. After receiving that feedback, I read through the manuscript again and I had to agree.
Truth of the matter is, this is my first novel, and by the time I finished draft 1 my storytelling improved, my plot thickened, and my writing style matured. That meant the whole first half of the book was sub-par, even though I revised it twice already.
But a revision, to me at least, is editing what was written. What I needed was a re-write. Completely new content for the first third of the book, at least. (Insert f-bomb here).
I took to the keyboard and started again from scratch, something I've dreaded for months, but in the back of my mind I knew it would be necessary.
Tell me: Are you sure your manuscript is ready for the next step, or is there a chance you are querying prematurely?
Where do you turn for manuscript critiques?
I did receive good feedback, though. The agent thought I was a talented writer, and that my premise is clever, but the narrative had too much exposition / backstory and not enough forward momentum. Some of the feedback paralleled comments from my critique group, but the agent had a better way of pointing it out. After receiving that feedback, I read through the manuscript again and I had to agree.
Truth of the matter is, this is my first novel, and by the time I finished draft 1 my storytelling improved, my plot thickened, and my writing style matured. That meant the whole first half of the book was sub-par, even though I revised it twice already.
But a revision, to me at least, is editing what was written. What I needed was a re-write. Completely new content for the first third of the book, at least. (Insert f-bomb here).
I took to the keyboard and started again from scratch, something I've dreaded for months, but in the back of my mind I knew it would be necessary.
Tell me: Are you sure your manuscript is ready for the next step, or is there a chance you are querying prematurely?
Where do you turn for manuscript critiques?
Apr 1, 2009
Revision 3- BROKEN
Click here to read the most recent revision.
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear [agent],
When American psychologist, Alec Sumner, sees Eli Burke take down a mugger with his cane on a busy London street, he is instantly smitten, but quickly learns this potential dream man is plagued by nightmares of his lover’s murder and unable – or unwilling – to move forward and love again.
Thanks to Ilsa, a former classmate and a woman with a room for rent, Alec soon finds himself living with the heartbroken young man and two other housemates: Tony, a self-absorbed, but gifted artist and Lyle, the artist’s often exasperated best friend. Ilsa quickly presses Alec into service, urging him to use his expertise to help her friend move beyond his trauma – with one stipulation – he must not know what Alec is doing.
As Eli fights his growing attraction to his new housemate and the possibilities that would bring, Alec struggles to satisfy Ilsa’s agenda while preserving his own romantic hopes for the two of them. With the support of their small family of friends, the two men move toward one another through a maze of mistrust, passion, and betrayal.
BROKEN is a 63,000 word work of gay fiction that reminds us that no matter what scars a person may carry, there are people out there who will support you through the pain, guide you past the fear, and love you back to life ... if you’re willing to live.
I worked as a copy editor for a daily newspaper for eight years, occasionally writing personal commentary and movie reviews. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear [agent],
When American psychologist, Alec Sumner, sees Eli Burke take down a mugger with his cane on a busy London street, he is instantly smitten, but quickly learns this potential dream man is plagued by nightmares of his lover’s murder and unable – or unwilling – to move forward and love again.
Thanks to Ilsa, a former classmate and a woman with a room for rent, Alec soon finds himself living with the heartbroken young man and two other housemates: Tony, a self-absorbed, but gifted artist and Lyle, the artist’s often exasperated best friend. Ilsa quickly presses Alec into service, urging him to use his expertise to help her friend move beyond his trauma – with one stipulation – he must not know what Alec is doing.
As Eli fights his growing attraction to his new housemate and the possibilities that would bring, Alec struggles to satisfy Ilsa’s agenda while preserving his own romantic hopes for the two of them. With the support of their small family of friends, the two men move toward one another through a maze of mistrust, passion, and betrayal.
BROKEN is a 63,000 word work of gay fiction that reminds us that no matter what scars a person may carry, there are people out there who will support you through the pain, guide you past the fear, and love you back to life ... if you’re willing to live.
I worked as a copy editor for a daily newspaper for eight years, occasionally writing personal commentary and movie reviews. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
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