Dear [agent]
Valence fears he's losing grip on reality. He hears a voice enticing him with questionable knowledge and claiming to be his guide, but it could be the Darkness leading him to the cause the fall of his beloved homeland.
He believes the Darkness, an infection that enslaves the heart, has returned and with it the warlord who created it. Yet Valence has taken something from the warlord. The Pearls of Mithrus were the warlord's source of power, and now Valence is their master. If he can learn to control them, he can stop the infection before it consumes the land.
With a life in shambles and the memory of a murdered friend following him, becoming a savior to the people is the farthest thing from Valence's mind. He must choose between the lives of those he has never met and his own own sanity at the hands of an ancient evil.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an Epic Fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Aug 23, 2010
Query - The End Begins (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Publisher,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Raiana Tasis Draco, an outcast seeking her lost biological parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a sterile population during a time of war.
To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
Her latest assignment takes her to an abandoned fort; she’s assigned to protect the First Source of Sentient Free Will, which to the common man appear to be only an apple, which remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories, as they close in on all sides and take control of all ‘alien’ power and technology that have come into this world; the most vital piece was the Gate Dimension Device, capable of creating wormholes to travel not only the stars, but possibly to parallel worlds.
But the presence of a young, lost, lonely traveler from another world, who appeared without use of the device, forces the C.U.T.’ to go after the coveted fruit, taking down anyone in their path, hellbent on victory.
Against an army, Rai must navigate the dangerous territory with Kale Kaortan, a retired soldier of valor, as he guides them through the country he strove to protect, aided by pockets of residential resistance; racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
But what are her chances against odds so great?
Dear Publisher,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Raiana Tasis Draco, an outcast seeking her lost biological parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a sterile population during a time of war.
To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
Her latest assignment takes her to an abandoned fort; she’s assigned to protect the First Source of Sentient Free Will, which to the common man appear to be only an apple, which remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories, as they close in on all sides and take control of all ‘alien’ power and technology that have come into this world; the most vital piece was the Gate Dimension Device, capable of creating wormholes to travel not only the stars, but possibly to parallel worlds.
But the presence of a young, lost, lonely traveler from another world, who appeared without use of the device, forces the C.U.T.’ to go after the coveted fruit, taking down anyone in their path, hellbent on victory.
Against an army, Rai must navigate the dangerous territory with Kale Kaortan, a retired soldier of valor, as he guides them through the country he strove to protect, aided by pockets of residential resistance; racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
But what are her chances against odds so great?
Aug 22, 2010
Query- Motherless Day
Dear Agent,
I am writing to you about my picture book Motherless Day. It is complete at 600 words and I am querying you exclusively.
Little Kali Krumpets is the only child in Miss Piddlewink's pre-school class without a mother. When her class decides to make cards on the Friday before Mother's Day, Kali decides to figure out what makes a mommy so special. Her friends Emily and Griffin tell her all about there mothers, but Kali isn't convinced. Her dads do the same things, so why are mothers so important?
In the end, she realizes that a mother is just a parent that loves you, just like her two dads. Miss Piddlewink helps her realize all parents are special and that family should be celebrated every day.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME
I am writing to you about my picture book Motherless Day. It is complete at 600 words and I am querying you exclusively.
Little Kali Krumpets is the only child in Miss Piddlewink's pre-school class without a mother. When her class decides to make cards on the Friday before Mother's Day, Kali decides to figure out what makes a mommy so special. Her friends Emily and Griffin tell her all about there mothers, but Kali isn't convinced. Her dads do the same things, so why are mothers so important?
In the end, she realizes that a mother is just a parent that loves you, just like her two dads. Miss Piddlewink helps her realize all parents are special and that family should be celebrated every day.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME
Query- Eiffel Flower (first revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Sorority girl Rose Jastone lives a meticulously planned life. She is the lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, a model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned. Trying to avoid the responsiblity of planning her post-graduate future, however, she signs up for a care-free spring semester at the University of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.
Paris turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuileries.
Rose finds herself responsible for planning the renowned Crillon Ball and reuniting Noemi with her estranged sister Sonia. She also has to juggle a crack-pot study group and mixed feelings for an enigmatic figure skater. Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her.
Eiffel Flower is a women's fiction novel, complete at 92,000 words. Based on your interview with the blog "Mother.Write.", I felt like my manuscript may be a good fit for your agency. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Author
Dear Agent,
Sorority girl Rose Jastone lives a meticulously planned life. She is the lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, a model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned. Trying to avoid the responsiblity of planning her post-graduate future, however, she signs up for a care-free spring semester at the University of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.
Paris turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuileries.
Rose finds herself responsible for planning the renowned Crillon Ball and reuniting Noemi with her estranged sister Sonia. She also has to juggle a crack-pot study group and mixed feelings for an enigmatic figure skater. Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her.
Eiffel Flower is a women's fiction novel, complete at 92,000 words. Based on your interview with the blog "Mother.Write.", I felt like my manuscript may be a good fit for your agency. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Author
QUERY- GREEN-EYED MONSTER (with sample pages)
Dear AGENT,
After PERSONAL TIDBIT, I believe my urban fantasy novel, GREEN-EYED MONSTER complete at 80,000 words, may be a good fit for your representation.
Rookie detective Lucy Santone measures everything with the black and white rulebook of the Detroit Metro Police Department. Since the Incident, she also sees demons crawling on suspects, a halo above the cleaning lady, and a stalker-angel who claims to be her Guardian. Denial’s easy until the hallucinations try to kill her.
During an arson investigation, she is attacked by a hellion and wonders if her delusions are all that delusional. She learns the burned property belongs to a non-profit organization headed by Levi Johanneson, a hometown athlete who sold his soul for politics.
Levi's not the only player in town, however, another demon is vying for control over the broken souls of Detroit. Lucy can't fight them both, and when each offers her an alliance, she is forced to make a choice: the citizens she swore to protect, or her own ticket to the pie in the sky. Suddenly the rulebook looks a little gray.
Similar to Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series, GREEN-EYED MONSTER is a fantastical twist on detective fiction, researched through interviews with police/arson experts and utilizing my degree in Criminal Justice. I have a synopsis for a potential sequel.
The first five pages are included below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
NAME
CONTACT INFO
SAMPLE PAGES: GREEN-EYED MONSTER
I imagined myself setting fire to the filing cabinet. Crispy carbon falling around my desk, the tan metal contraption belching smoke from mouth-like drawers. Manila folders, crisp eight-by-eleven-inch papers, meticulously labeled photos, and coroner's reports, all burning in a roar of blood-red flames.
A smile spread low and lazy across my face, tugging my cheeks upwards like a gentle lover, when someone kicked my chair.
"Oh sorry, did I wake you?" he said.
I turned to find Forest scrutinizing me with his unnerving gray eyes.
"Unghs," I affirmed.
He sipped from a steaming mug and set an identical one on my desk. Beads of coffee clung to his silver mustache. His hair had once been a ruddy brown, but now was streaked with gray. The 'stache, however, was almost white, suckling at the coffee as if trying to reclaim its youth.
"You look like shit, Luce."
I frowned, cupped my hands around the hot mug, and said, "You look old."
"I prefer wise."
"You look wizened."
Forest snorted. His eyes panned over the chaos of my desk, scanning the folders piled around a jumble of papers, glossy pictures, and newspaper clippings. I watched him absorb and catalog each piece of clutter, as if I might see the individual wrinkles form inside his skull.
"It's a shit-astrophe in here," he said.
"That your favorite word?"
"How do you find anything?"
"Please, these cases are older than me and colder than Donny. No one gives a rat's patoot about them, except maybe you."
"Things still shit at home, huh?"
"Poor, bad, crappy, buy a thesaurus."
"Guess so," he said. "What were you daydreaming about?"
I let him watch me in silence for a moment, the weight of his gaze pressing against me. I pressed back.
"What are you doing in my office?" I said.
He didn't respond, just gave me a dissatisfied look. The stained bristles of his mustache twitched twice, then went still. His cop-face was on: bland, distant, all business, but I saw an edge of concern tempering his disguise.
"It may not look like much," I said, waving my free hand around the four-by-four square that served as my office. With room only for my miniature desk and the dreaded filing cabinet, I had learned to live within a thicket of boxes. Sure, the door occasionally slammed into my back, and the ceiling fan's blades had been chopped in half to accommodate the floor-to-ceiling box growth. "But it's mine," I finished.
No response.
"Does it say Detective Forest Stephenson on my door?" I said. "No, it says Detective Lucy Santone. Me, mine."
Forest glanced at the paper I had taped to my door. The outline of the old plate could be seen underneath reading, "Detroit Metro Police Department Archives."
Not to be deterred I said, "Look, I got to pee, so if you've nothing important to say, why don't you bug off?"
My partner stared at me, then shrugged. "When you become human again, stop by my office. Drink the coffee." He lifted his mug towards my desk and strolled out.
"That know-it-all," I said to no one, especially not the pretty boy reading in the corner.
Seated with his back propped against the cabinet of doom was the prettiest man I'd ever seen. He stretched his jean-covered legs, so long they extended under my desk and poked out the side, and crossed them at the ankle. Even on one of the chilliest February days on record, he wore battered sandals and a white tee. Sable ringlets, perfectly tousled, crowned his head, and his eyes sparkled like sapphires catching the light. I knew his sun-browned skin would be warm to the touch.
As my eyes passed over him, he glanced up from an old issue of "Car and Driver." A hopeful expression lingered on his face, but I turned my head away.
He wasn't real.
After PERSONAL TIDBIT, I believe my urban fantasy novel, GREEN-EYED MONSTER complete at 80,000 words, may be a good fit for your representation.
Rookie detective Lucy Santone measures everything with the black and white rulebook of the Detroit Metro Police Department. Since the Incident, she also sees demons crawling on suspects, a halo above the cleaning lady, and a stalker-angel who claims to be her Guardian. Denial’s easy until the hallucinations try to kill her.
During an arson investigation, she is attacked by a hellion and wonders if her delusions are all that delusional. She learns the burned property belongs to a non-profit organization headed by Levi Johanneson, a hometown athlete who sold his soul for politics.
Levi's not the only player in town, however, another demon is vying for control over the broken souls of Detroit. Lucy can't fight them both, and when each offers her an alliance, she is forced to make a choice: the citizens she swore to protect, or her own ticket to the pie in the sky. Suddenly the rulebook looks a little gray.
Similar to Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series, GREEN-EYED MONSTER is a fantastical twist on detective fiction, researched through interviews with police/arson experts and utilizing my degree in Criminal Justice. I have a synopsis for a potential sequel.
The first five pages are included below. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
NAME
CONTACT INFO
SAMPLE PAGES: GREEN-EYED MONSTER
I imagined myself setting fire to the filing cabinet. Crispy carbon falling around my desk, the tan metal contraption belching smoke from mouth-like drawers. Manila folders, crisp eight-by-eleven-inch papers, meticulously labeled photos, and coroner's reports, all burning in a roar of blood-red flames.
A smile spread low and lazy across my face, tugging my cheeks upwards like a gentle lover, when someone kicked my chair.
"Oh sorry, did I wake you?" he said.
I turned to find Forest scrutinizing me with his unnerving gray eyes.
"Unghs," I affirmed.
He sipped from a steaming mug and set an identical one on my desk. Beads of coffee clung to his silver mustache. His hair had once been a ruddy brown, but now was streaked with gray. The 'stache, however, was almost white, suckling at the coffee as if trying to reclaim its youth.
"You look like shit, Luce."
I frowned, cupped my hands around the hot mug, and said, "You look old."
"I prefer wise."
"You look wizened."
Forest snorted. His eyes panned over the chaos of my desk, scanning the folders piled around a jumble of papers, glossy pictures, and newspaper clippings. I watched him absorb and catalog each piece of clutter, as if I might see the individual wrinkles form inside his skull.
"It's a shit-astrophe in here," he said.
"That your favorite word?"
"How do you find anything?"
"Please, these cases are older than me and colder than Donny. No one gives a rat's patoot about them, except maybe you."
"Things still shit at home, huh?"
"Poor, bad, crappy, buy a thesaurus."
"Guess so," he said. "What were you daydreaming about?"
I let him watch me in silence for a moment, the weight of his gaze pressing against me. I pressed back.
"What are you doing in my office?" I said.
He didn't respond, just gave me a dissatisfied look. The stained bristles of his mustache twitched twice, then went still. His cop-face was on: bland, distant, all business, but I saw an edge of concern tempering his disguise.
"It may not look like much," I said, waving my free hand around the four-by-four square that served as my office. With room only for my miniature desk and the dreaded filing cabinet, I had learned to live within a thicket of boxes. Sure, the door occasionally slammed into my back, and the ceiling fan's blades had been chopped in half to accommodate the floor-to-ceiling box growth. "But it's mine," I finished.
No response.
"Does it say Detective Forest Stephenson on my door?" I said. "No, it says Detective Lucy Santone. Me, mine."
Forest glanced at the paper I had taped to my door. The outline of the old plate could be seen underneath reading, "Detroit Metro Police Department Archives."
Not to be deterred I said, "Look, I got to pee, so if you've nothing important to say, why don't you bug off?"
My partner stared at me, then shrugged. "When you become human again, stop by my office. Drink the coffee." He lifted his mug towards my desk and strolled out.
"That know-it-all," I said to no one, especially not the pretty boy reading in the corner.
Seated with his back propped against the cabinet of doom was the prettiest man I'd ever seen. He stretched his jean-covered legs, so long they extended under my desk and poked out the side, and crossed them at the ankle. Even on one of the chilliest February days on record, he wore battered sandals and a white tee. Sable ringlets, perfectly tousled, crowned his head, and his eyes sparkled like sapphires catching the light. I knew his sun-browned skin would be warm to the touch.
As my eyes passed over him, he glanced up from an old issue of "Car and Driver." A hopeful expression lingered on his face, but I turned my head away.
He wasn't real.
Aug 21, 2010
YA Query: A Heart-Shaped Hole
Dear ___________,
Annabelle lives in a daze of deception. She has what many would call the perfect life: rich parents who stay out of her way, a wild group of partygoing friends, and the world practically at her fingertips. At the center of it all is her boyfriend, Emmett, the envy of every girl in school. But Annabelle has a horrible secret: her smile is a lie.
Emmett physically and emotionally abuses Annabelle, slowly turning her into a twisted whirlwind of self-hatred and guilt. Stuck with a family too absorbed in their own petty problems, she has no one to turn to. That is, until she meets Brendon while hiding in the bathroom during a party.
Brendon becomes a shoulder for Annabelle to lean on, always eerily able to see right through her shallow illusion of happiness. He challenges her to find self-worth, open her eyes to her boyfriend's faults, and come to terms with her reasons for staying with Emmett. But Brendon has a secret and Annabelle has a past. These two factors become what may ultimately prevent Annabelle from ever feeling genuine happiness again.
A HEART-SHAPED HOLE is a Young Adult novel complete at 30,000 words. I hope you will consider representation of this manuscript.
Best regards,
Angela A
Annabelle lives in a daze of deception. She has what many would call the perfect life: rich parents who stay out of her way, a wild group of partygoing friends, and the world practically at her fingertips. At the center of it all is her boyfriend, Emmett, the envy of every girl in school. But Annabelle has a horrible secret: her smile is a lie.
Emmett physically and emotionally abuses Annabelle, slowly turning her into a twisted whirlwind of self-hatred and guilt. Stuck with a family too absorbed in their own petty problems, she has no one to turn to. That is, until she meets Brendon while hiding in the bathroom during a party.
Brendon becomes a shoulder for Annabelle to lean on, always eerily able to see right through her shallow illusion of happiness. He challenges her to find self-worth, open her eyes to her boyfriend's faults, and come to terms with her reasons for staying with Emmett. But Brendon has a secret and Annabelle has a past. These two factors become what may ultimately prevent Annabelle from ever feeling genuine happiness again.
A HEART-SHAPED HOLE is a Young Adult novel complete at 30,000 words. I hope you will consider representation of this manuscript.
Best regards,
Angela A
Aug 19, 2010
Query- Seaweeds- Version "hopefully the last"
Click here to read "the undisputed first" version.
Click here to read "the definite first" revision.
Click here to read "the improved upon second" revision.
Click here to read "thanks for the tips I'm making great progress" revision.
Dear AGENT,
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented, until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is a mermaid who saved him. Her charm and innocence draws him to her; he calls her his Pearl from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by Pearl’s strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie has a secret of her own, he must find a way to resist her enchanted advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. My novel is complete at 66,000 words. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME!
Click here to read "the definite first" revision.
Click here to read "the improved upon second" revision.
Click here to read "thanks for the tips I'm making great progress" revision.
Dear AGENT,
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented, until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is a mermaid who saved him. Her charm and innocence draws him to her; he calls her his Pearl from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by Pearl’s strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie has a secret of her own, he must find a way to resist her enchanted advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. My novel is complete at 66,000 words. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
ME!
Query- Eiffel Flower
Dear ________,
Conflicted with looming graduation decisions, sorority girl Rose Jastone makes the most impulsive choice of her meticulously planned life. This perfect juxtaposition of the modern collegian- lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned- signs up for a spring semester at the Univeristy of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.
Paris, however, turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuleries.
Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will just wilt in the process. More importantly, will her future reveal itself by the time the clock strikes midnight at the Crillon Ball, or will she be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her?
Eiffel Flower is an upper young adult novel, complete at 92,000 words. In the vein of Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy, it is targeted towards the college-aged reader that feels too old for Gossip Girl, but was too young to celebrate the "Sex and the City" finale with Cosmos.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
__________
Authors Note: Already got one partial request, but the twelve rejections make me think it could used whipped into shape!
Conflicted with looming graduation decisions, sorority girl Rose Jastone makes the most impulsive choice of her meticulously planned life. This perfect juxtaposition of the modern collegian- lively social chair of Delta Delta Gamma, model student, and punk rock enthusiast who can throw on a pair of Chuck's when occasioned- signs up for a spring semester at the Univeristy of Paris, Panthénon-Sorbonne.
Paris, however, turns out to be more than Rose's Philosophy major logic bargained for. Stuck dorming with Noemi Brousarre, a celebutante roommate with a few fifth-life crises of her own, Rose is thrown into a world of Parisian drama that makes sorority life seem like a stroll though le Jardin des Tuleries.
Left mediating the problems of the city around her, Rose wonders if she'll ever bloom into the “Eiffel Flower” Noemi promised, or if she will just wilt in the process. More importantly, will her future reveal itself by the time the clock strikes midnight at the Crillon Ball, or will she be stuck following the life-plan her parents and friends have already constructed for her?
Eiffel Flower is an upper young adult novel, complete at 92,000 words. In the vein of Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy, it is targeted towards the college-aged reader that feels too old for Gossip Girl, but was too young to celebrate the "Sex and the City" finale with Cosmos.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
__________
Authors Note: Already got one partial request, but the twelve rejections make me think it could used whipped into shape!
Aug 17, 2010
CINDERS- a Blog Book Tour
Attention Slushpile Followers!
Michelle Davidson Argyle, long time friend and supporter of the Slushpile (and designer of the Slushpile logo, and part of the triumvirate behind The Literary Lab) is promoting her novella CINDERS, a continuation of the tale of Cinderella:
Cinderella's happily-ever-after isn't turning out the way she expected. With her fairy godmother imprisoned in the castle and a mysterious stranger haunting her dreams, Cinderella is on her own to discover true love untainted by magic.
The blog tour is a clever way to promote her work, and Michelle is a great writer and a wonderful person, I highly recommend you learn more about the tour and CINDERS. Plus, there are prizes, and winning stuff is way cool, you know?
Click here for her official site, and good luck Michelle!
Michelle Davidson Argyle, long time friend and supporter of the Slushpile (and designer of the Slushpile logo, and part of the triumvirate behind The Literary Lab) is promoting her novella CINDERS, a continuation of the tale of Cinderella:
Cinderella's happily-ever-after isn't turning out the way she expected. With her fairy godmother imprisoned in the castle and a mysterious stranger haunting her dreams, Cinderella is on her own to discover true love untainted by magic.
The blog tour is a clever way to promote her work, and Michelle is a great writer and a wonderful person, I highly recommend you learn more about the tour and CINDERS. Plus, there are prizes, and winning stuff is way cool, you know?
Click here for her official site, and good luck Michelle!
YA query: THE PRACTICE OF WEARING SKIN
Dear agent name,
Sixteen-year-old epic loner Sofia knows she has some lingering issues from being abandoned by her mom a year ago. So when Theo, a total weirdo who calls himself a grim reaper, approaches her and says she has thirty days until she dies, well that’s just freaking awesome. At least there’s one other person in the world that needs therapy more than she does.
If she talks to anyone normal about grim reapers, they won’t remember anything at all, except that Sofia might have a couple of screws loose. They don't remember Theo's name or even what he looks like. In fact, Sofia's choice comes down to dying normally and being remembered, or becoming a grim reaper and letting everyone forget she existed at all too.
Either way, she can’t die yet! She hasn’t even lost her v-card!
Then near the end of her thirty days, Sofia uncovers evidence that her mom might never have abandoned her at all, but that she’s a grim reaper herself. Sofia takes the chance to reconcile with her mom and join Theo, whose British accent, grey eyes, and perfect boy jeans are incentive enough to continue “living” with him as a reaper, but when she makes it to the afterlife, Sofia learns the heartbreaking reason why her mom hasn’t tried to contact her in the last year.
THE PRACTICE OF WEARING SKIN, my YA paranormal romance novel, is complete at 51,000 words.
I am currently an intern for [Redacted] at [redacted]. In 2008, I completed an MA in Creative Writing from Newcastle University in Newcastle upon Tyne, England and have a short story published in Lit by New Writing North in conjunction with Newcastle University. Also, several works have been published in Blackberry Winter, an annual chapbook of Rochester College where I earned my BA in English and Professional Writing.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your guidelines, the first _____ pages follow.
All the best,
Cassandra Brown
Writing as C. A. Marshall
Address
phone
http://camarshall.com
Sixteen-year-old epic loner Sofia knows she has some lingering issues from being abandoned by her mom a year ago. So when Theo, a total weirdo who calls himself a grim reaper, approaches her and says she has thirty days until she dies, well that’s just freaking awesome. At least there’s one other person in the world that needs therapy more than she does.
If she talks to anyone normal about grim reapers, they won’t remember anything at all, except that Sofia might have a couple of screws loose. They don't remember Theo's name or even what he looks like. In fact, Sofia's choice comes down to dying normally and being remembered, or becoming a grim reaper and letting everyone forget she existed at all too.
Either way, she can’t die yet! She hasn’t even lost her v-card!
Then near the end of her thirty days, Sofia uncovers evidence that her mom might never have abandoned her at all, but that she’s a grim reaper herself. Sofia takes the chance to reconcile with her mom and join Theo, whose British accent, grey eyes, and perfect boy jeans are incentive enough to continue “living” with him as a reaper, but when she makes it to the afterlife, Sofia learns the heartbreaking reason why her mom hasn’t tried to contact her in the last year.
THE PRACTICE OF WEARING SKIN, my YA paranormal romance novel, is complete at 51,000 words.
I am currently an intern for [Redacted] at [redacted]. In 2008, I completed an MA in Creative Writing from Newcastle University in Newcastle upon Tyne, England and have a short story published in Lit by New Writing North in conjunction with Newcastle University. Also, several works have been published in Blackberry Winter, an annual chapbook of Rochester College where I earned my BA in English and Professional Writing.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your guidelines, the first _____ pages follow.
All the best,
Cassandra Brown
Writing as C. A. Marshall
Address
phone
http://camarshall.com
Short Story Query: Horror
Dear Ms. Baker,
After a long week at the office, it’s finally Friday and the last thing on Finn’s mind is a zombie attack. He’s on beer number two and it’s not even 6 p.m. yet. With the sun still shining and the entire weekend staring him in the face, nothing can get him down. Not even the perpetual struggles a real estate agent faces in a recession.
Suddenly, he sees a man in a clean grey suit stumble out of the shadowy woods bordering the far end of his large backyard. At first, Finn thinks it’s one of his neighbors, but as the man shambles ever closer there is no doubt about it... It’s a real life flesh-eater. Just like in the movies. Knowing this is the beginning of a new war with the undead, Finn hastily grabs his shotgun from the hall closet and eliminates the slowly approaching threat. Standing over the stranger’s fallen body, he knows they will need food, gas and more weapons to survive the outbreak of rotting corpses. And fast.
However, when police quickly respond to his wife’s 911 call and find the man’s head completely blown off, it’s hurriedly labeled as a murder, and an unforgiving justice is swift to follow. Perhaps too swift. As every uprising has to have a beginning, every cadaverous mutiny has to have a first kill.
I have spent the last twelve years writing commercials and entertainment bits for five different radio stations in four states. I actually had this story happen to me three Fridays ago and just like Finn, no one believes me. FIRST KILL is 5,000 words and ready to be sent at your request. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Paul Thomas
Address
Phone
E-mail
After a long week at the office, it’s finally Friday and the last thing on Finn’s mind is a zombie attack. He’s on beer number two and it’s not even 6 p.m. yet. With the sun still shining and the entire weekend staring him in the face, nothing can get him down. Not even the perpetual struggles a real estate agent faces in a recession.
Suddenly, he sees a man in a clean grey suit stumble out of the shadowy woods bordering the far end of his large backyard. At first, Finn thinks it’s one of his neighbors, but as the man shambles ever closer there is no doubt about it... It’s a real life flesh-eater. Just like in the movies. Knowing this is the beginning of a new war with the undead, Finn hastily grabs his shotgun from the hall closet and eliminates the slowly approaching threat. Standing over the stranger’s fallen body, he knows they will need food, gas and more weapons to survive the outbreak of rotting corpses. And fast.
However, when police quickly respond to his wife’s 911 call and find the man’s head completely blown off, it’s hurriedly labeled as a murder, and an unforgiving justice is swift to follow. Perhaps too swift. As every uprising has to have a beginning, every cadaverous mutiny has to have a first kill.
I have spent the last twelve years writing commercials and entertainment bits for five different radio stations in four states. I actually had this story happen to me three Fridays ago and just like Finn, no one believes me. FIRST KILL is 5,000 words and ready to be sent at your request. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Paul Thomas
Address
Phone
Query - RAINGUN (sixth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
A hard choice looms ahead for Rick Rivoire.
Last year he joined the Rainguns, an elite regiment of spellcasting cavalry. Since then, he's protected the people of Foverre from pirates, monsters, and foreign invasion. He's attained social status, financial independence, and confidence with women. Most precious of all, he's matured. He’s stopped wallowing in bitter childhood memories.
But Foverre is shifting its policies now, embracing slavery and religious persecution. Public discontent grows until civil war becomes inevitable. Joining a rebellion could land Rick on a prison ship, in slave-irons --- or on the same gallows where he watched his father hang.
The alternative looks no brighter. The status quo imperils Rick’s hard-won self-respect. Supporting tyranny would doom his quest to emulate the valiant swordswoman who rescued him at age nine from torture and worse.
The army has no room for fence-sitters. Can Rick keep defending a government he once admired, though its actions now disgust him? Or will he risk all he's achieved to chase justice?
This fantasy novel is Raingun. The era, musket and pike. It has about 90,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
A hard choice looms ahead for Rick Rivoire.
Last year he joined the Rainguns, an elite regiment of spellcasting cavalry. Since then, he's protected the people of Foverre from pirates, monsters, and foreign invasion. He's attained social status, financial independence, and confidence with women. Most precious of all, he's matured. He’s stopped wallowing in bitter childhood memories.
But Foverre is shifting its policies now, embracing slavery and religious persecution. Public discontent grows until civil war becomes inevitable. Joining a rebellion could land Rick on a prison ship, in slave-irons --- or on the same gallows where he watched his father hang.
The alternative looks no brighter. The status quo imperils Rick’s hard-won self-respect. Supporting tyranny would doom his quest to emulate the valiant swordswoman who rescued him at age nine from torture and worse.
The army has no room for fence-sitters. Can Rick keep defending a government he once admired, though its actions now disgust him? Or will he risk all he's achieved to chase justice?
This fantasy novel is Raingun. The era, musket and pike. It has about 90,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Aug 15, 2010
Sample Pages- Between by Cyndi Tefft
Click here to read the query.
Ravi’s lips were soft and familiar against mine, but my mind was elsewhere, obsessing about my upcoming finals. “Lindsey, you are so beautiful,” he said, pressing me tighter against the seat of the car. His mouth trailed over my jaw to my neck, his breath warm in my ear.
“I love you”, he whispered.
That snapped me back to reality.
Damn. I liked Ravi, I really did, but not as much as he liked me. The kissing was nice, but I didn’t feel IT, the connection, the zing. The L word? Damn, damn, damn! I had to say something but I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Truthfully, he was my best friend. He’d helped me study for my French exam, even though he couldn’t speak a word of the language. When I’d told him about my parents’ divorce, he’d held me while I cried. He made up silly songs on the piano just to make me laugh. I did love him, in a way. Just not that way.
“Ravi…”
“You know what, never mind. Just forget I said anything, okay?” His voice was tight with embarrassment.
“No, really, it’s just…”
He jerked away and turned the key in the ignition, his lips pressed in a hard line. The engine roared to life. “It’s alright,” he said finally and flicked on the high beams. “It’s no big deal. Let’s just go.”
Fat droplets of rain splattered on the windshield and built into a steady drumming on the roof. The swish of the wipers and the hum of the heater echoed in the chasm between us and I struggled to think of a way to alleviate the tension. Ravi switched on the radio to an oldies station. “You Are So Beautiful” came on and I squirmed in my seat, remembering how Ravi had just said those very words to me.
“So-” I began.
“Hey-” he said at the same time.
We both stopped and a nervous giggle escaped me. Still, it was enough to break the silence and the knot in my gut relaxed.
“I was going to tell you, Micah and I are thinking of starting a band,” Ravi continued, his voice nonchalant. “I met this guy, Todd, in my Physics class who plays drums. With Micah on the guitar, all we’d need would be a lead singer. Would you be interested?”
“Really? Me?” I asked.
“Sure, I’ve heard you sing. You have a great voice.”
“Thanks,” I replied. I loved to sing, though I’d never been in a band before. I’d been in choir all through high school, but hadn’t ever sung a solo. A thrill ran through me at the idea of being on stage with the music thumping and colored lights swirling, while a throng of fans bounced to the beat below. “It sounds fun,” I said, already starting to dance in my seat at the thought. “When should we practice? Do you have any songs picked out?”
The highway was deserted and we hadn’t seen another car pass by us for miles. Ravi turned his head and smiled at me, giving minimal attention to the familiar road. “Yeah, Micah and I have a couple of…”
“Look out!” I yelled.
His eyes snapped forward and he slammed on the brakes. The sedan in front of us was creeping along and we came screaming up behind it. I recoiled in fear as the car started to hydroplane, the tires sliding across the slick asphalt. Ravi wrenched on the steering wheel and pumped the brakes, trying to regain control. The treads suddenly found purchase and sent us careening into the other lane. The stiff seatbelt cut into my neck as I was tossed against the door.
I was vaguely aware of Joe Cocker’s raspy voice crooning as we rammed into the other vehicle. The impact reverberated through my head, and from somewhere in the distance, I heard myself screaming in terror. Panic gripped the base of my neck, every muscle pulled taut with fear. The headlights flung streaks of light like fireworks in the driving rain as we spun out of control, then the tires found something to grab onto and we went sailing off the roadway.
The car hung in mid air and bile rose in my throat, then the hood smashed into the ground. My forehead smacked against the dash and I bit my tongue hard, the coppery taste of blood filling my mouth. Screeching metal and breaking glass echoed in concert with sickening thuds as the Mustang tumbled down the ravine. I was whipped upside down and Ravi’s body floated over mine as the car rolled, his face contorted in fear.
I couldn’t call out to him or even will myself to move, the centrifugal force alternately keeping me pressed against the door or yanking me against the biting restraint of the seatbelt. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I was aware it was my turn for the next impact. The blood froze in my veins. The trunk of the pine tree outside my window beckoned to me with relentless persistence. The metal car door wrapped around me in an unforgiving embrace, squeezing the air from my lungs.
Query - The End Begins
Dear XXXXX,
The end of the world might be coming, but not how we expected.
The people are suffering through the worst downturn in humanities history; aliens of all kinds are invading and taking over, plotting secret wars as the last superpowers of the world hang on trying to prevent what could be the Last war for the human race.
And yet there is a glimmer of hope in all this despair.
The End Begins, a Christian inspired epic sci-fi/fantasy story, follows Rai and her company who are, by fate, brought together to stop the conclusion of the End of Days by protecting the Artifact of Knowledge that may save or destroy them all. But enemies on all sides are coming and would-be allies sit back and watch as the event unfolds.
Do they have what it takes to complete the task against odds so great?
The End Begins, a 119,912 word novel seeks to compete in the Christian sci-fi market and stands apart not only by balancing the overall Sci-fi/fantastical and religious tones, similar to popular and uniquely epic titles like China Mieville’s Perdido Street Station and Terry Brook’s Shannara series, we’ll see Rai’s evolution from a fish-out-of-water sorceress who must cope with real world issues while trying to find her biological roots as she manages a retired soldier of valor, a priest past his prime, a rebellious mechanic, a wanting assassin, and a young lost traveler. All of them journey to save themselves through struggles both physical and emotional.
I’ve seen that your publishing house has published [insert works] and I think I would be a great fit for your roster of products. The End Begins is part one of a two part book series, the second is nearing completion of its first draft. Sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
The end of the world might be coming, but not how we expected.
The people are suffering through the worst downturn in humanities history; aliens of all kinds are invading and taking over, plotting secret wars as the last superpowers of the world hang on trying to prevent what could be the Last war for the human race.
And yet there is a glimmer of hope in all this despair.
The End Begins, a Christian inspired epic sci-fi/fantasy story, follows Rai and her company who are, by fate, brought together to stop the conclusion of the End of Days by protecting the Artifact of Knowledge that may save or destroy them all. But enemies on all sides are coming and would-be allies sit back and watch as the event unfolds.
Do they have what it takes to complete the task against odds so great?
The End Begins, a 119,912 word novel seeks to compete in the Christian sci-fi market and stands apart not only by balancing the overall Sci-fi/fantastical and religious tones, similar to popular and uniquely epic titles like China Mieville’s Perdido Street Station and Terry Brook’s Shannara series, we’ll see Rai’s evolution from a fish-out-of-water sorceress who must cope with real world issues while trying to find her biological roots as she manages a retired soldier of valor, a priest past his prime, a rebellious mechanic, a wanting assassin, and a young lost traveler. All of them journey to save themselves through struggles both physical and emotional.
I’ve seen that your publishing house has published [insert works] and I think I would be a great fit for your roster of products. The End Begins is part one of a two part book series, the second is nearing completion of its first draft. Sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query- Between
Lindsey Waters never spent much time thinking about death. It’s not that things were so rosy, given her parents’ bitter divorce, the pressure of finals, and a figure that was more blob than beauty. But whatever she expected, it wasn’t the handsome young Scotsman who appeared at her side the night she died in a car accident.
Aiden MacRae has been transporting souls from earth to heaven for the last 300 years, while he waits for the one whose love will redeem him. He introduces Lindsey to the realm in between where they relive memories together in vivid detail: the brutal Jacobite rebellion of 1719 that led to Aiden’s death, a ball at the Palace of Versailles before King Louis XIV, and even an outing to Seattle in the 21st century.
But even as she’s falling for him, heaven’s siren song is intensifying, pulling Lindsey away. Aiden is unable to go with her, for reasons he is unwilling to divulge.
When she is revived at the scene of the accident, Lindsey is left to pick up the pieces of her old life and find out if love really can transcend all boundaries.
Between, a YA crossover novel, is complete at 80,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Cyndi Tefft
Aiden MacRae has been transporting souls from earth to heaven for the last 300 years, while he waits for the one whose love will redeem him. He introduces Lindsey to the realm in between where they relive memories together in vivid detail: the brutal Jacobite rebellion of 1719 that led to Aiden’s death, a ball at the Palace of Versailles before King Louis XIV, and even an outing to Seattle in the 21st century.
But even as she’s falling for him, heaven’s siren song is intensifying, pulling Lindsey away. Aiden is unable to go with her, for reasons he is unwilling to divulge.
When she is revived at the scene of the accident, Lindsey is left to pick up the pieces of her old life and find out if love really can transcend all boundaries.
Between, a YA crossover novel, is complete at 80,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Cyndi Tefft
Aug 6, 2010
Query- Reluctant Queen
Dear Super Agent,
Nitokerty never wanted to be Pharaoh. Until her brother was murdered.
The gods have turned their backs on Egypt: the harvests are poor, the Pharaoh weak, and the nobility grown too powerful. As the Pharaoh’s youngest (and most spoiled) daughter, Nitokerty is forced to serve the temples in an attempt to appease the gods. But they have other plans for her.
Nitokerty returns to court when her father dies and falls in love with Anum, a mysterious courtier. When her older sister dies in childbirth, custom dictates Nitokerty must marry her brother. Anum secretly plots to overthrow her brother and has him murdered. When her brother is assassinated, Nitokerty seizes the Double Crown to seek revenge, not knowing the traitor is Anum, the man she thought she loved. Her final act of revenge guarantees her name will be remembered by history.
Inspired by a single line from the histories of Herodotus, RELUCTANT QUEEN is the story of one of Egypt’s only female Pharaohs. It is historical fiction complete at 85,000 words.
I am a history teacher who has traveled to Egypt twice, in order to better tell Nitokerty’s story. I have completed a second novel set in ancient Egypt and am currently at work on another on the Byzantine Empire.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Nitokerty never wanted to be Pharaoh. Until her brother was murdered.
The gods have turned their backs on Egypt: the harvests are poor, the Pharaoh weak, and the nobility grown too powerful. As the Pharaoh’s youngest (and most spoiled) daughter, Nitokerty is forced to serve the temples in an attempt to appease the gods. But they have other plans for her.
Nitokerty returns to court when her father dies and falls in love with Anum, a mysterious courtier. When her older sister dies in childbirth, custom dictates Nitokerty must marry her brother. Anum secretly plots to overthrow her brother and has him murdered. When her brother is assassinated, Nitokerty seizes the Double Crown to seek revenge, not knowing the traitor is Anum, the man she thought she loved. Her final act of revenge guarantees her name will be remembered by history.
Inspired by a single line from the histories of Herodotus, RELUCTANT QUEEN is the story of one of Egypt’s only female Pharaohs. It is historical fiction complete at 85,000 words.
I am a history teacher who has traveled to Egypt twice, in order to better tell Nitokerty’s story. I have completed a second novel set in ancient Egypt and am currently at work on another on the Byzantine Empire.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Aug 5, 2010
Query- Haven, YA (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Scar thought she was normal, that was before she was deemed too dangerous to fit into normal society – it’s not her fault her mother got a little too close to a vampire – and suddenly, she’s whisked away to a reform school for witches, werewolves and vampires.
As if surviving a paranormal reform school wasn't bad enough, Scar learns the hard way that breaking a witch's Frisbee can really piss him off, challenging a werewolf to a foot race is a bad idea – especially if you want to live, vampires hold serious grudges equipped with mean left hooks and sometimes the hardest secrets to keep are the most deadly.
Especially, if that secret is your own. Scar is the vilest creature that could ever exist – half-human.
When students begin to disappear, Scar starts seeing visions of the attacks. If that wasn't strange enough, a mysterious incriminating video surfaces placing Scar at one of the crime scenes, making her the prime suspect. Now she must race to prove her innocence before her true nature is exposed.
The only problem is that she’s not entirely sure she’s innocent.
Scar thought she was normal, that was before she was deemed too dangerous to fit into normal society – it’s not her fault her mother got a little too close to a vampire – and suddenly, she’s whisked away to a reform school for witches, werewolves and vampires.
As if surviving a paranormal reform school wasn't bad enough, Scar learns the hard way that breaking a witch's Frisbee can really piss him off, challenging a werewolf to a foot race is a bad idea – especially if you want to live, vampires hold serious grudges equipped with mean left hooks and sometimes the hardest secrets to keep are the most deadly.
Especially, if that secret is your own. Scar is the vilest creature that could ever exist – half-human.
When students begin to disappear, Scar starts seeing visions of the attacks. If that wasn't strange enough, a mysterious incriminating video surfaces placing Scar at one of the crime scenes, making her the prime suspect. Now she must race to prove her innocence before her true nature is exposed.
The only problem is that she’s not entirely sure she’s innocent.
Query- Emma's Heaven, Contemporary Women's Fiction (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Thanks for everyone's help.
There’s only one thing Megan wants: to find her missing daughter. When she does, no one believes her.
After her two-year old daughter walked out of their front door and disappeared in the space of a few moments, Megan’s world crumbled. In the two years since, there have been tons of sightings – all by Megan herself. But no one believes her. After all, why should they? The child was never Emma. Her husband, counselor, her own mother and even Megan herself, fear she’s delusional.
However, at the local town fair, Megan sees her. Holding hands and laughing with an elderly couple. Her daughter: Emma. Megan can’t reach them, and the only trace she’s left with is a photo she manages to snap before they vanish. The police feel she’s cried wolf too many times.
Unable to handle the constant heartache of all the false sightings, Megan’s husband threatens to walk away. But Megan isn’t willing to give up. Armed with only a photo and motherly instinct, Megan questions whether she's closing in on the people who took her child, or if she's giving up everything to chase an illusion.
Thanks for everyone's help.
There’s only one thing Megan wants: to find her missing daughter. When she does, no one believes her.
After her two-year old daughter walked out of their front door and disappeared in the space of a few moments, Megan’s world crumbled. In the two years since, there have been tons of sightings – all by Megan herself. But no one believes her. After all, why should they? The child was never Emma. Her husband, counselor, her own mother and even Megan herself, fear she’s delusional.
However, at the local town fair, Megan sees her. Holding hands and laughing with an elderly couple. Her daughter: Emma. Megan can’t reach them, and the only trace she’s left with is a photo she manages to snap before they vanish. The police feel she’s cried wolf too many times.
Unable to handle the constant heartache of all the false sightings, Megan’s husband threatens to walk away. But Megan isn’t willing to give up. Armed with only a photo and motherly instinct, Megan questions whether she's closing in on the people who took her child, or if she's giving up everything to chase an illusion.
Aug 4, 2010
REMEMBERING YOU -- women's fiction third revison (and hopefully the last?)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Returning home to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual Fourth of July parade for the first time in ten years, Genna is excited to share the great news about her fantastic promotion (a goal she’s been working toward all her life) as executive kitchen manager of a swanky Delaware country club. She isn’t home five minutes before trouble starts when she sees Tony, her ex-fiancé, at her uncle’s diner. Although everyone says he’s no good, Genna can’t see through her memories clearly enough to discern if they’re right.
Problems escalate as Genna discovers her aunt may have Alzheimer’s and no one in the family wants to deal with it; one cousin is hysterical, another completely shuts down, and in the midst of all this, her beloved uncle has a heart attack.
Genna finds keeping her uncle’s diner open during the busiest time of the year is more than just hard work, it has always been in her blood and she questions if she should give up her fantastic new job offer to stay in Bristol and take care of her family and the diner.
Tony is also pushing her to stay but when little Petie DiCampo appears, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy, she wonders if he could be the man to finally get her over Tony. But Tony isn’t giving up that easily.
Genna figures out all the answers to her family’s problems before she goes back to Delaware. She also decides living without love is not in her future, the problem is; which man will she choose?
REMEMBERING YOU is a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Returning home to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual Fourth of July parade for the first time in ten years, Genna is excited to share the great news about her fantastic promotion (a goal she’s been working toward all her life) as executive kitchen manager of a swanky Delaware country club. She isn’t home five minutes before trouble starts when she sees Tony, her ex-fiancé, at her uncle’s diner. Although everyone says he’s no good, Genna can’t see through her memories clearly enough to discern if they’re right.
Problems escalate as Genna discovers her aunt may have Alzheimer’s and no one in the family wants to deal with it; one cousin is hysterical, another completely shuts down, and in the midst of all this, her beloved uncle has a heart attack.
Genna finds keeping her uncle’s diner open during the busiest time of the year is more than just hard work, it has always been in her blood and she questions if she should give up her fantastic new job offer to stay in Bristol and take care of her family and the diner.
Tony is also pushing her to stay but when little Petie DiCampo appears, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy, she wonders if he could be the man to finally get her over Tony. But Tony isn’t giving up that easily.
Genna figures out all the answers to her family’s problems before she goes back to Delaware. She also decides living without love is not in her future, the problem is; which man will she choose?
REMEMBERING YOU is a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Query - Hidden in Shadows
I would love for you to consider HIDDEN IN SHADOWS, a 96,000-word urban fantasy romance novel.
Lorna McCloud is an assassin hell bent on avenging her father's murder only she has no leads. Soon she has more important issues to deal with than whether to use a dagger or a gun to kill her next target.
First, she's captured by the Paranormal Intelligence Agency, a shady, clandestine organization. A PIA henchman tells Lorna that she has the ability to create and hide in artificial shadows, a power she had unknowingly used during her nightly killings. Lorna distrusts the agency, and manages to escape.
Then Lorna heads to a small island where many of her potential clients want the king dead. Lorna hasn't felt the stirrings of love in a long time, but something about the noble Alaric makes her long for the light after her lifetime spent in shadow.
Torn between murder and love, Lorna has never been able to escape her past or her ardent desire for revenge, and now they may prevent her from her only chance of living a normal, happy life.
I am the author of a medieval fantasy romance series, The Kingdom of Arnhem – Woman of Honor (2009) and Knight of Glory (2010) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. I have also sold six short stories for anthologies, two of which are under the pen name Nicolette Zamora.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Lorna McCloud is an assassin hell bent on avenging her father's murder only she has no leads. Soon she has more important issues to deal with than whether to use a dagger or a gun to kill her next target.
First, she's captured by the Paranormal Intelligence Agency, a shady, clandestine organization. A PIA henchman tells Lorna that she has the ability to create and hide in artificial shadows, a power she had unknowingly used during her nightly killings. Lorna distrusts the agency, and manages to escape.
Then Lorna heads to a small island where many of her potential clients want the king dead. Lorna hasn't felt the stirrings of love in a long time, but something about the noble Alaric makes her long for the light after her lifetime spent in shadow.
Torn between murder and love, Lorna has never been able to escape her past or her ardent desire for revenge, and now they may prevent her from her only chance of living a normal, happy life.
I am the author of a medieval fantasy romance series, The Kingdom of Arnhem – Woman of Honor (2009) and Knight of Glory (2010) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. I have also sold six short stories for anthologies, two of which are under the pen name Nicolette Zamora.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Query- Emma's Heaven - Women's Fiction
There’s only one thing Megan wants: to find her missing daughter. Then when she does, no one believes her.
When her two-year old daughter walked out of their front door and disappeared in the space of two minutes, Megan’s world crumbled. In the two years since, there have been tons of sightings – all by Megan herself. But no one believes her. After all, why should they? Not once was the child she saw her daughter. Her husband, her counselor, her own mother and even Megan herself, fear she’s delusional. But then, at the local town fair, Megan sees her. Holding hands and laughing with an elderly couple. Her daughter, Emma. Megan can’t reach them, and the only trace she’s left with is a photo she managers to snap before they vanish. The police feel she’s cried wolf too many times.
Unable to handle the constant heartache of all the false sightings, Megan’s husband threatens to walk away from their marriage. But Megan isn’t willing to give up. Armed with only a photo and mother instinct, Megan risks her marriage and sanity to pursue the girl in the photograph. As she pieces together the disorienting trail, Megan begins to question whether she's closing in on the people who took her child, or if she's giving up everything to chase an illusion.
Thanks everyone for your help.
When her two-year old daughter walked out of their front door and disappeared in the space of two minutes, Megan’s world crumbled. In the two years since, there have been tons of sightings – all by Megan herself. But no one believes her. After all, why should they? Not once was the child she saw her daughter. Her husband, her counselor, her own mother and even Megan herself, fear she’s delusional. But then, at the local town fair, Megan sees her. Holding hands and laughing with an elderly couple. Her daughter, Emma. Megan can’t reach them, and the only trace she’s left with is a photo she managers to snap before they vanish. The police feel she’s cried wolf too many times.
Unable to handle the constant heartache of all the false sightings, Megan’s husband threatens to walk away from their marriage. But Megan isn’t willing to give up. Armed with only a photo and mother instinct, Megan risks her marriage and sanity to pursue the girl in the photograph. As she pieces together the disorienting trail, Megan begins to question whether she's closing in on the people who took her child, or if she's giving up everything to chase an illusion.
Thanks everyone for your help.
Query- The Hunted of 2060 (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
HERE IS A RE_WRITE THANKS TO COMMENTS. Please let me know if I am any closer:)
The Hunted of 2060
Paranormal ChickLit with a side of SciFi
85,000 words
America 2060. Three Lovers. Two Species. One Way to Survive.
An original, dark paranormal chick-lit with a side of sci-fi. Nineteen year old April discovers the secrets within herself are the very secrets that are being hunted by a group dubbed the Rogue Militia. As April uncovers that she is a mixed of human and alien DNA, she finds herself on a dangerous path of self-discovery, belonging to a hybrid species on the verge of extinction.
At University, Robert, the love of her life, is put at risk as she struggles with who she was and who she is becoming, while a hybrid family she never knew existed enters her life, a hybrid male pursues her, and her existence becomes a cat and mouse game with enemies she will have to outrun, outfight or outwit to survive. Under General Raul, the military has no mercy for a foreign species that invaded earth in 2020 and when April realizes the General has secrets of his own, which have robbed her of her birth mother, grandfather and involve stolen hybrid DNA, she knows she must save more than herself or the world will fall into the hands of a madman.
With underlining themes of how prejudice breaks human connections and a theme of wildlife conservation, April speaks to the core of what makes us human. Fans of Gena Showater's 'Teen Alien Huntress', and Maggie Steifvarter's 'Shiver', as well as fans of the movie 'Cursed' starring Josh Jackson, and fans of Keri Arthur's Riley Jenson series will enjoy this Hunted of 2060 series.
HERE IS A RE_WRITE THANKS TO COMMENTS. Please let me know if I am any closer:)
The Hunted of 2060
Paranormal ChickLit with a side of SciFi
85,000 words
America 2060. Three Lovers. Two Species. One Way to Survive.
An original, dark paranormal chick-lit with a side of sci-fi. Nineteen year old April discovers the secrets within herself are the very secrets that are being hunted by a group dubbed the Rogue Militia. As April uncovers that she is a mixed of human and alien DNA, she finds herself on a dangerous path of self-discovery, belonging to a hybrid species on the verge of extinction.
At University, Robert, the love of her life, is put at risk as she struggles with who she was and who she is becoming, while a hybrid family she never knew existed enters her life, a hybrid male pursues her, and her existence becomes a cat and mouse game with enemies she will have to outrun, outfight or outwit to survive. Under General Raul, the military has no mercy for a foreign species that invaded earth in 2020 and when April realizes the General has secrets of his own, which have robbed her of her birth mother, grandfather and involve stolen hybrid DNA, she knows she must save more than herself or the world will fall into the hands of a madman.
With underlining themes of how prejudice breaks human connections and a theme of wildlife conservation, April speaks to the core of what makes us human. Fans of Gena Showater's 'Teen Alien Huntress', and Maggie Steifvarter's 'Shiver', as well as fans of the movie 'Cursed' starring Josh Jackson, and fans of Keri Arthur's Riley Jenson series will enjoy this Hunted of 2060 series.
Aug 2, 2010
Contest Alert!
Attention Slushpile followers:
Julie Cross, a long-time Slushpile follower (who I think holds the record for the most submissions ;-) is co-sponsoring a contest, and among the prizes are query and page critiques from an actual agent, an editor, and others in the publishing industry.
NOTE: "others in the publishing industry" is my way of saying "interns and assistants" but is NOT meant to belittle their professional opinions! They know what their agents like.
Julie's novel TEMPEST (once titled ENEMIES OF TIME) has been sold, resulting in a 3-book deal! She is represented by agent Suzie Townsend of FinePrint Lit.
Check Julie's blog for details, and good luck.
Julie Cross, a long-time Slushpile follower (who I think holds the record for the most submissions ;-) is co-sponsoring a contest, and among the prizes are query and page critiques from an actual agent, an editor, and others in the publishing industry.
NOTE: "others in the publishing industry" is my way of saying "interns and assistants" but is NOT meant to belittle their professional opinions! They know what their agents like.
Julie's novel TEMPEST (once titled ENEMIES OF TIME) has been sold, resulting in a 3-book deal! She is represented by agent Suzie Townsend of FinePrint Lit.
Check Julie's blog for details, and good luck.
QUERY - "Ever" YA Paranormal
Dear ______,
Waking up in a coffin hungry for blood is only the beginning for sixteen-year-old Everly Blue. Things are about to get a lot worse.
First, she finds out from the hot guy who dug her up that she’s a vampire. Well, half vampire, not that there’s much difference.
Then she meets her maker…Devon, the thousand-year-old vampire who turned her into a monster. He gives her a shred of hope – kill 100 vampires to save her humanity.
So with the help of Chance (the hottie who saved her, and who she’s falling for fast), Ever sets out to get her life back.
But it won’t be easy. She has to deal with her feelings for Chance, her hatred for Devon, some new-found vampire hunting friends and that pesky taste for blood that just won’t leave her alone.
In the end, Ever faces a battle – and a decision – that will change her life forever.
My young adult novel, EVER, is complete at 70,000 words. I think fans of supernatural hits like TWILIGHT and VAMPIRE ACADEMY will enjoy this story of a girl thrown into a life of danger and romance. The full manuscript is available, should you be interested.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Waking up in a coffin hungry for blood is only the beginning for sixteen-year-old Everly Blue. Things are about to get a lot worse.
First, she finds out from the hot guy who dug her up that she’s a vampire. Well, half vampire, not that there’s much difference.
Then she meets her maker…Devon, the thousand-year-old vampire who turned her into a monster. He gives her a shred of hope – kill 100 vampires to save her humanity.
So with the help of Chance (the hottie who saved her, and who she’s falling for fast), Ever sets out to get her life back.
But it won’t be easy. She has to deal with her feelings for Chance, her hatred for Devon, some new-found vampire hunting friends and that pesky taste for blood that just won’t leave her alone.
In the end, Ever faces a battle – and a decision – that will change her life forever.
My young adult novel, EVER, is complete at 70,000 words. I think fans of supernatural hits like TWILIGHT and VAMPIRE ACADEMY will enjoy this story of a girl thrown into a life of danger and romance. The full manuscript is available, should you be interested.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Aug 1, 2010
Query- The Hunted of 2060
The Hunted of 2060
Paranormal Sci-Fi Romance
85,000 words
America 2060. Three Lovers. Two Species. One Way to Survive.
An original, dark paranormal, sci-fi romance about a nineteen year old sophomore who discovers the secrets within herself are the very secrets that are being hunted by a group dubbed the Rogue Militia.
As April uncovers that she is in fact a hybrid mixed with human and alien DNA, she finds herself on a dangerous path of self-discovery, belonging to a species on the verge of extinction. At Alaska University, Robert, the love of her life, is put at risk as she struggles with who she was and who she is becoming, while a hybrid family she never knew existed enters her life, a hybrid male pursues her, and her existence becomes a cat and mouse game with enemies she will have to outrun, outfight or outwit to survive.
Under General Raul's orders, the military alliance has no mercy or compassion for a foreign species that invaded earth in 2020 and when April realizes the General has secrets of his own, which have robbed her of her birth mother, grandfather and involve stolen hybrid DNA, she knows she must save more than herself or the world will fall into the hands of a madman.
With the help of her grandfather, Colonial Marn, and the family of hybrids, April eventually destroys General Raul and the Shifter Counterinsurgency Military within homeland Security, the alliance the hybrids dubbed the Rogue Militia, after much sacrifice and loss. Though in the end, April and Robert are finally free of the Rogue Militia, and a new life is born from April's womb, the two realize in the wake of public suspicion and prejudice, destroying the Rogue Militia was just the beginning.
With underlining themes of how prejudice breaks human connections and a theme of animal/wildlife conservation, this novel will leave the reader flipping through the pages of April’s story. Though a hybrid, she speaks to the very core of what makes us human.
Fans of Gena Showater's 'Teen Alien Huntress', and Maggie Steifvarter's 'Shiver', as well as fans of the movie 'Cursed' starring Josh Jackson, and fans of Keri Arthur's Riley Jenson series will enjoy this Hunted of 2060 series.
The prequel and sequel are being written.
http://amiblackwelder.com
MARKETING:
I am active online with Forums: facebook, blogger, freado, reading groups, kindle boards, Bitten By Books Blood Bank, Permuted Press, Author Supporting Authors Ning, Paranormal Romance, SFX Magazine, Gothic.net.
I have also created freado interactive previews, excerpts, character descriptions, quotes to display on various online sites.
I have created fun quizzes to get to know the characters better and displayed them on blogger and facebook.
I am a member of the Virtual Book Tour and have lined up for me about twenty blogs where I will be interviewed over May/June/July.
I have actively pursued review blogs and ezines and have been accepted and my reviews will be displayed over June, July and August.
I have advertising space on Coalition for Independent Authors, Bareback ezine, Virtual Book Tours Cafe, Bitten By Books, Book Cubby, Catch the Drift with Mama Snow Blog, and am actively pursuing other advertising venues.
I have FREE posters advertised on my blog and on scribed where fans may download the free poster .pdf
I am also listed online with various public publication services such as scribed, smashwords, lulu to spread the word.
I have book giveaways on the VBT (Virtual Book Tour), facebook and locally as well as sending a few books out to celebrities/directors/producers monthly.
I have my own facebook page for The Hunted of 2060 Fans.
Began my own 'forum' for discussion about The Hunted.
Began my own Merchandise online for The Hunted.
Offline I am advertising posters, bookmarks and business cards to spread the word for those interested in purchasing online as well as offer prints locally for those interested in direct purchases.
Paranormal Sci-Fi Romance
85,000 words
America 2060. Three Lovers. Two Species. One Way to Survive.
An original, dark paranormal, sci-fi romance about a nineteen year old sophomore who discovers the secrets within herself are the very secrets that are being hunted by a group dubbed the Rogue Militia.
As April uncovers that she is in fact a hybrid mixed with human and alien DNA, she finds herself on a dangerous path of self-discovery, belonging to a species on the verge of extinction. At Alaska University, Robert, the love of her life, is put at risk as she struggles with who she was and who she is becoming, while a hybrid family she never knew existed enters her life, a hybrid male pursues her, and her existence becomes a cat and mouse game with enemies she will have to outrun, outfight or outwit to survive.
Under General Raul's orders, the military alliance has no mercy or compassion for a foreign species that invaded earth in 2020 and when April realizes the General has secrets of his own, which have robbed her of her birth mother, grandfather and involve stolen hybrid DNA, she knows she must save more than herself or the world will fall into the hands of a madman.
With the help of her grandfather, Colonial Marn, and the family of hybrids, April eventually destroys General Raul and the Shifter Counterinsurgency Military within homeland Security, the alliance the hybrids dubbed the Rogue Militia, after much sacrifice and loss. Though in the end, April and Robert are finally free of the Rogue Militia, and a new life is born from April's womb, the two realize in the wake of public suspicion and prejudice, destroying the Rogue Militia was just the beginning.
With underlining themes of how prejudice breaks human connections and a theme of animal/wildlife conservation, this novel will leave the reader flipping through the pages of April’s story. Though a hybrid, she speaks to the very core of what makes us human.
Fans of Gena Showater's 'Teen Alien Huntress', and Maggie Steifvarter's 'Shiver', as well as fans of the movie 'Cursed' starring Josh Jackson, and fans of Keri Arthur's Riley Jenson series will enjoy this Hunted of 2060 series.
The prequel and sequel are being written.
http://amiblackwelder.com
MARKETING:
I am active online with Forums: facebook, blogger, freado, reading groups, kindle boards, Bitten By Books Blood Bank, Permuted Press, Author Supporting Authors Ning, Paranormal Romance, SFX Magazine, Gothic.net.
I have also created freado interactive previews, excerpts, character descriptions, quotes to display on various online sites.
I have created fun quizzes to get to know the characters better and displayed them on blogger and facebook.
I am a member of the Virtual Book Tour and have lined up for me about twenty blogs where I will be interviewed over May/June/July.
I have actively pursued review blogs and ezines and have been accepted and my reviews will be displayed over June, July and August.
I have advertising space on Coalition for Independent Authors, Bareback ezine, Virtual Book Tours Cafe, Bitten By Books, Book Cubby, Catch the Drift with Mama Snow Blog, and am actively pursuing other advertising venues.
I have FREE posters advertised on my blog and on scribed where fans may download the free poster .pdf
I am also listed online with various public publication services such as scribed, smashwords, lulu to spread the word.
I have book giveaways on the VBT (Virtual Book Tour), facebook and locally as well as sending a few books out to celebrities/directors/producers monthly.
I have my own facebook page for The Hunted of 2060 Fans.
Began my own 'forum' for discussion about The Hunted.
Began my own Merchandise online for The Hunted.
Offline I am advertising posters, bookmarks and business cards to spread the word for those interested in purchasing online as well as offer prints locally for those interested in direct purchases.
Jul 29, 2010
REMEMBERING YOU -- women's fiction second revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
If Genna had thought going home would be hell, she would have brought along her hand basket.
Returning home to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual Fourth of July parade for the first time in ten years, Genna is more than excited to share the great news about her fantastic promotion as executive kitchen manager at a swanky country club in Delaware. However, she isn’t home five minutes before trouble starts when she runs into her ex-fiancé. Although everyone says he’s no good, Genna can’t see through her memories clearly enough to discern if they’re right.
Genna’s problems escalate as she discovers her aunt may have Alzheimer’s and no one in the family wants to deal with it. Angie is hysterical over a bad pap smear and a broken marriage. Robby completely shuts down when he finds out his plaid and pearl wearing girlfriend is pregnant. To put the icing on the cake, her beloved uncle has a heart attack.
Genna finds keeping her uncle’s diner open during the busiest time of the year is more than just hard work, it is in her blood and she questions if she should give up her new job in Delaware to stay in Bristol. And when little Petie DiCampo appears, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy, she wonders if he could be the man to finally break down the walls she’s built around herself since the night her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was a kid.
In twenty-one days, Genna figures out all the answers to her family’s problems before she heads back to Delaware. She also decides living without love is not in her future, the problem is, which man will she choose?
REMEMBERING YOU is a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
If Genna had thought going home would be hell, she would have brought along her hand basket.
Returning home to Bristol, Rhode Island for the annual Fourth of July parade for the first time in ten years, Genna is more than excited to share the great news about her fantastic promotion as executive kitchen manager at a swanky country club in Delaware. However, she isn’t home five minutes before trouble starts when she runs into her ex-fiancé. Although everyone says he’s no good, Genna can’t see through her memories clearly enough to discern if they’re right.
Genna’s problems escalate as she discovers her aunt may have Alzheimer’s and no one in the family wants to deal with it. Angie is hysterical over a bad pap smear and a broken marriage. Robby completely shuts down when he finds out his plaid and pearl wearing girlfriend is pregnant. To put the icing on the cake, her beloved uncle has a heart attack.
Genna finds keeping her uncle’s diner open during the busiest time of the year is more than just hard work, it is in her blood and she questions if she should give up her new job in Delaware to stay in Bristol. And when little Petie DiCampo appears, all grown up and looking like a calendar boy, she wonders if he could be the man to finally break down the walls she’s built around herself since the night her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was a kid.
In twenty-one days, Genna figures out all the answers to her family’s problems before she heads back to Delaware. She also decides living without love is not in her future, the problem is, which man will she choose?
REMEMBERING YOU is a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Seaweeds Query (version 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by her strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect, like when she dances at his sister’s wedding or when her first words are: “Love. Pearl love Sky.”
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I've gotten so much help already and I really feel my query is close to being ready for agents but I'm still torn with a couple of lines such as: "Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean." I also have a new paragraph in the middle. THANKS!
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
An unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t speak and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean. And in a few short days, Sky falls head over heels for her.
He’s not bothered by her strange behaviors, such as hitting the car horn whenever they go for a ride or eating all his cat’s sardines. In fact, they make her all the more enjoyable to be around because he never knows what to expect, like when she dances at his sister’s wedding or when her first words are: “Love. Pearl love Sky.”
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her advances long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I've gotten so much help already and I really feel my query is close to being ready for agents but I'm still torn with a couple of lines such as: "Sky is poetic so he calls her Pearl because she comes from the ocean." I also have a new paragraph in the middle. THANKS!
Nonfiction Query: Einstein's Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams
What if you were given a set of cognitive tools that enabled you to lucid dream any conceivable experience with precision? What if these tools not only opened up a brand new area of experience, but also unified previously disparate facts in the fields of, science, art theory and consciousness studies?
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies disparate facts in three fields of study. In the field of science, empirical evidence proves that our senses do not perceive objects, rather they detect an abstraction that philosophers call raw sense data, or more accurately, abstract sense data). In the field of art, the advent of Cubist painting 1910-1912 is Braque and Picasso’s unconscious acknowledgement that the senses perceive an abstraction. This acknowledgement continues through the Movements of Modern Art and continues into Post Modern and Contemporary Art. In the forty-year-old field of consciousness studies, the fact that the senses perceive abstract sense data, lays an empirical foundation for a radically new kind of science – a first-person science of consciousness. Handling abstract sense data allows anyone who is interested the ability not only to choose the contents of their lucid dreams before hand, but also to experience themselves in two places at one time. Einstein's Gift is a must-have for lucid dreamers, artists, academics, and anyone interested in the nature of consciousness.
A first-person science of consciousness attempts to bring the spiritual back into science and is one of academia’s hottest new fields of study. Roger Penrose, Dan Lloyd, and Douglas R. Hofstadter, all contemporary academic scholars involved in attempts to establish a first-person science of consciousness, are employing narrative non-fiction as a means to explain their theories of consciousness. Unlike their books, which define and philosophize the nature of consciousness, Einstein’s Gift narrates actual first-hand experiences from the author's own engineered lucid dreams. The Engineering of Lucid Dreams eschews narrating details of the author's personal day-to-day life and instead utilizes a fictional, but academic dialogue between two characters. The first character is a college student studying abstract art (a portrayal of the author learning how to engineer lucid dreams). The second is Einstein (based on the historical Albert Einstein 1879 – 1955 whose intellectual commentary and guidance are based upon 17 years of the author’s academic and shamanic study). In the classic Aristotle vs. Socrates dialogue and debate, the young painter and Einstein argue over the existence of abstract and imaginary sense data, the nature of Postmodern Art, the Movements of Modern Art, the disappearance of the Avant-Garde and the exquisite nature of engineered lucid dreams.
The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies a new cognitive understanding of abstract art with the contemporary academic attempt to establish an empirical basis for a first-person science of consciousness. The book confronts many of the time-tested and treasured ideas about God, evolution, the nature of reality, the nature of dying and very definition of what it means to be alive. The author’s first-hand lucid dreaming experiences demonstrate how he answered his big speculative questions: Where did the Neanderthals go? Can human consciousness experience the ultraviolet spectrum? What happened at the beginning of the universe? Can we be aware of the atoms in our own bodies? In addition, Einstein’s Gift offers controversial answers to long-standing academic questions: What is the purpose of abstract art? Why is abstract art the dominant feature of the last 100 years of art? What is the function of consciousness? What is consciousness?
Einstein’s Gift is the fruition of over 17 years of shamanistic practice and academic study, earning the author a BFA in Fine Arts from the University of Arizona and an MA in Art Theory, History and Criticism from Prescott College. He has presented his theory of consciousness at the world renowned 2006, 2008 and 2010 Tucson Consciousness Conferences. He has over 14 years of Southwestern gallery showings where he talks about and introduces people to the idea that the power of abstract art is incredibly miscalculated.
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams offers readers interested in art, science and consciousness a highly compelling argument and jaw dropping lucid dream experiences. The book will be 55,000 words, contain a bibliography, photographic reproductions of 7-15 paintings. The manuscript and all required copyright clearance will be completed three to six months (or sooner) upon receipt of advance. Chapters 4-8 (of 11) are undergoing a professional edit. Chapters 1-3 will be attached to your request for my nonfiction book proposal.
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies disparate facts in three fields of study. In the field of science, empirical evidence proves that our senses do not perceive objects, rather they detect an abstraction that philosophers call raw sense data, or more accurately, abstract sense data). In the field of art, the advent of Cubist painting 1910-1912 is Braque and Picasso’s unconscious acknowledgement that the senses perceive an abstraction. This acknowledgement continues through the Movements of Modern Art and continues into Post Modern and Contemporary Art. In the forty-year-old field of consciousness studies, the fact that the senses perceive abstract sense data, lays an empirical foundation for a radically new kind of science – a first-person science of consciousness. Handling abstract sense data allows anyone who is interested the ability not only to choose the contents of their lucid dreams before hand, but also to experience themselves in two places at one time. Einstein's Gift is a must-have for lucid dreamers, artists, academics, and anyone interested in the nature of consciousness.
A first-person science of consciousness attempts to bring the spiritual back into science and is one of academia’s hottest new fields of study. Roger Penrose, Dan Lloyd, and Douglas R. Hofstadter, all contemporary academic scholars involved in attempts to establish a first-person science of consciousness, are employing narrative non-fiction as a means to explain their theories of consciousness. Unlike their books, which define and philosophize the nature of consciousness, Einstein’s Gift narrates actual first-hand experiences from the author's own engineered lucid dreams. The Engineering of Lucid Dreams eschews narrating details of the author's personal day-to-day life and instead utilizes a fictional, but academic dialogue between two characters. The first character is a college student studying abstract art (a portrayal of the author learning how to engineer lucid dreams). The second is Einstein (based on the historical Albert Einstein 1879 – 1955 whose intellectual commentary and guidance are based upon 17 years of the author’s academic and shamanic study). In the classic Aristotle vs. Socrates dialogue and debate, the young painter and Einstein argue over the existence of abstract and imaginary sense data, the nature of Postmodern Art, the Movements of Modern Art, the disappearance of the Avant-Garde and the exquisite nature of engineered lucid dreams.
The Engineering of Lucid Dreams unifies a new cognitive understanding of abstract art with the contemporary academic attempt to establish an empirical basis for a first-person science of consciousness. The book confronts many of the time-tested and treasured ideas about God, evolution, the nature of reality, the nature of dying and very definition of what it means to be alive. The author’s first-hand lucid dreaming experiences demonstrate how he answered his big speculative questions: Where did the Neanderthals go? Can human consciousness experience the ultraviolet spectrum? What happened at the beginning of the universe? Can we be aware of the atoms in our own bodies? In addition, Einstein’s Gift offers controversial answers to long-standing academic questions: What is the purpose of abstract art? Why is abstract art the dominant feature of the last 100 years of art? What is the function of consciousness? What is consciousness?
Einstein’s Gift is the fruition of over 17 years of shamanistic practice and academic study, earning the author a BFA in Fine Arts from the University of Arizona and an MA in Art Theory, History and Criticism from Prescott College. He has presented his theory of consciousness at the world renowned 2006, 2008 and 2010 Tucson Consciousness Conferences. He has over 14 years of Southwestern gallery showings where he talks about and introduces people to the idea that the power of abstract art is incredibly miscalculated.
Einstein’s Gift: The Engineering of Lucid Dreams offers readers interested in art, science and consciousness a highly compelling argument and jaw dropping lucid dream experiences. The book will be 55,000 words, contain a bibliography, photographic reproductions of 7-15 paintings. The manuscript and all required copyright clearance will be completed three to six months (or sooner) upon receipt of advance. Chapters 4-8 (of 11) are undergoing a professional edit. Chapters 1-3 will be attached to your request for my nonfiction book proposal.
Jul 26, 2010
QUERY- REMEMBERING YOU -- women's fiction first revision
If Genna thought returning home after a long absence would be hell, she would have brought along her hand-basket. Wanting to celebrate the good news about her fabulous job offer, Genna realizes it’s time to relinquish her past demons and go home.
Not even there five minutes, it comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and her unresolved feelings for him. What he did a decade ago still twists her heart and when he asks for forgiveness, Genna decides to let the past go and move on. However, when Genna’s cousin reveals long buried secrets about her ex- Genna wonders if she made a mistake. “People don’t change” Angie says, but Genna has seen it happen in more than one person since returning. Including herself.
Unexpectedly, she discovers a promising new love in the arms of a man she once despised. Her family is pushing her into this new relationship but as she wrestles with her feelings, she makes the unbelievable mistake of sleeping with her ex-. Keeping the two men from finding out about each other proves to be impossible as they both show up for a date on the same night.
Moreover, her new promotion grows cold as she faces a family member’s health crisis no one saw coming. She wonders if she should skip the advancement and remain where she never wanted to leave or go and live the life she always thought she wanted. Genna, torn between two worlds, her decision to remain is the only one possible. However, which love will capture her heart, old or new?
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Thank you everyone, in advance for your comments.
Robin
Not even there five minutes, it comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and her unresolved feelings for him. What he did a decade ago still twists her heart and when he asks for forgiveness, Genna decides to let the past go and move on. However, when Genna’s cousin reveals long buried secrets about her ex- Genna wonders if she made a mistake. “People don’t change” Angie says, but Genna has seen it happen in more than one person since returning. Including herself.
Unexpectedly, she discovers a promising new love in the arms of a man she once despised. Her family is pushing her into this new relationship but as she wrestles with her feelings, she makes the unbelievable mistake of sleeping with her ex-. Keeping the two men from finding out about each other proves to be impossible as they both show up for a date on the same night.
Moreover, her new promotion grows cold as she faces a family member’s health crisis no one saw coming. She wonders if she should skip the advancement and remain where she never wanted to leave or go and live the life she always thought she wanted. Genna, torn between two worlds, her decision to remain is the only one possible. However, which love will capture her heart, old or new?
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words.
Thank you everyone, in advance for your comments.
Robin
Jul 24, 2010
QUERY- REINCARNATE
Click here to read the original query.
Hi,
I hope no one minds me showing back up here. I know it's been a while. My original query has proven completely ineffectual, so I'm rewriting it from the ground up. I'm hoping to get some feedback on the new version, if anyone is willing.
Dear XXX,
Jeanne Delacey doesn’t believe in God or Heaven or angels; it’s no surprise she doesn’t believe the psychic who tells her she’s the reincarnation of Jeanne d’Arc. Still, when a demon attacks her in the French Quarter, she realizes her beliefs need to bend at least a little. Sure, she might be able to shrug off nightmares of burning to death as coincidence. Ignoring the reincarnation of Pierre Cauchon, Jeanne d’Arc’s head judge and worst enemy—not so easy. Especially since he’s leading Hell’s vanguard in a war against Heaven.
The angel Jeanne finds sitting in her living room isn’t terribly Biblical, but he is a pain in the ass; he thinks she can stop the war if she stops Cauchon. She just wants her normal life back. But no matter how much she wants to run from the problem, she can’t. Because Heaven wants to bring the fight to Hell, which will land the mortal world in the crossfire. Now she must rely on a powerful bracelet that turns into a sword, and Luca Griffith—tall, dark, and definitely hiding something—for aid. Worse, she has to rely on herself. If she can’t find the courage to fight, Cauchon will send her to the stake again. And this time, the entire world will burn with her.
REINCARNATE is an 82,000 word adult urban fantasy set in modern day New Orleans.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
July 24, 2010 5:36 PM
Hi,
I hope no one minds me showing back up here. I know it's been a while. My original query has proven completely ineffectual, so I'm rewriting it from the ground up. I'm hoping to get some feedback on the new version, if anyone is willing.
Dear XXX,
Jeanne Delacey doesn’t believe in God or Heaven or angels; it’s no surprise she doesn’t believe the psychic who tells her she’s the reincarnation of Jeanne d’Arc. Still, when a demon attacks her in the French Quarter, she realizes her beliefs need to bend at least a little. Sure, she might be able to shrug off nightmares of burning to death as coincidence. Ignoring the reincarnation of Pierre Cauchon, Jeanne d’Arc’s head judge and worst enemy—not so easy. Especially since he’s leading Hell’s vanguard in a war against Heaven.
The angel Jeanne finds sitting in her living room isn’t terribly Biblical, but he is a pain in the ass; he thinks she can stop the war if she stops Cauchon. She just wants her normal life back. But no matter how much she wants to run from the problem, she can’t. Because Heaven wants to bring the fight to Hell, which will land the mortal world in the crossfire. Now she must rely on a powerful bracelet that turns into a sword, and Luca Griffith—tall, dark, and definitely hiding something—for aid. Worse, she has to rely on herself. If she can’t find the courage to fight, Cauchon will send her to the stake again. And this time, the entire world will burn with her.
REINCARNATE is an 82,000 word adult urban fantasy set in modern day New Orleans.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
July 24, 2010 5:36 PM
Jul 23, 2010
Query- Fledgling (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
This is my revised version- I hope it reads better. Thank you for your feedback.
Fledgling, is a completed 90,000 word, young adult urban fantasy.
Eighteen-year-old Chance Morgan has a secret—but he’s not the only one.
Chance has everything he could want. With his Navajo grandfather as a guide, he successfully hides his growing ancestral powers as the concealed world of shapeshifting unfolds before him. He discovers his abilities are far more intoxicating than wasting time with small town friends, having no interest in complicating his life any further. But when Ana Hughes, the new girl at Clark Fork High, tries going undetected, he can’t help but notice her… even if he doesn’t want to.
Quiet and introspective, Ana’s sad green eyes pull Chance in, shattering his preconceived rules against love and friendship. The opaque scar rising up her sternum and an irregular heartbeat trigger his instinct to protect her and he knows she’s hiding something. But as their trust grows, Ana also becomes suspicious of his animal-like senses and miraculous healing ability. And he is forced to risk either losing her or revealing his astonishing secret life.
On graduation night his grandfather reluctantly exposes a gruesome family secret. Then a nameless cousin appears who unravels a world Chance thought he understood-- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child with heart defects, I have lived through the stress and fear associated with it and was inspired to create a character who could rise above her physical disabilities.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
This is my revised version- I hope it reads better. Thank you for your feedback.
Fledgling, is a completed 90,000 word, young adult urban fantasy.
Eighteen-year-old Chance Morgan has a secret—but he’s not the only one.
Chance has everything he could want. With his Navajo grandfather as a guide, he successfully hides his growing ancestral powers as the concealed world of shapeshifting unfolds before him. He discovers his abilities are far more intoxicating than wasting time with small town friends, having no interest in complicating his life any further. But when Ana Hughes, the new girl at Clark Fork High, tries going undetected, he can’t help but notice her… even if he doesn’t want to.
Quiet and introspective, Ana’s sad green eyes pull Chance in, shattering his preconceived rules against love and friendship. The opaque scar rising up her sternum and an irregular heartbeat trigger his instinct to protect her and he knows she’s hiding something. But as their trust grows, Ana also becomes suspicious of his animal-like senses and miraculous healing ability. And he is forced to risk either losing her or revealing his astonishing secret life.
On graduation night his grandfather reluctantly exposes a gruesome family secret. Then a nameless cousin appears who unravels a world Chance thought he understood-- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child with heart defects, I have lived through the stress and fear associated with it and was inspired to create a character who could rise above her physical disabilities.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Jul 20, 2010
Query- Fledgling
In Fledgling, a perilous and legendary world is slowly unfolding for Chance Morgan, a high school senior who has successfully hidden his powerful ancestral gift- until he meets Ana Hughes, a quiet girl cloaking a secret of her own. This completed 90,000 word, young adult urban fantasy is the first in a series.
Set apart from other eighteen-year-olds, Ana knows she is different. A severe health condition smothers her future and she yearns to feel normal. When she moves to a new town and meets Chance, an anti-social senior who sees past her guise, the two are forced to reconcile their rules about love and friendship. As Ana grows increasingly suspicious of Chance’s animal-like senses and surprising healing ability, he is forced to risk either losing Ana or revealing his astonishing secret life. But once Chance’s grandfather exposes a dangerous secret of his own, it begins unraveling the rules of a world Chance thought he understood- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child born with heart defects, I was inspired to create a strong character that could rise above her physical disabilities, while telling a story laced with humor, romance and action. A second book is in outline format now with a planned third book in the series that continues Chance and Ana’s adventures.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
mountainbrown@hotmail.com
Set apart from other eighteen-year-olds, Ana knows she is different. A severe health condition smothers her future and she yearns to feel normal. When she moves to a new town and meets Chance, an anti-social senior who sees past her guise, the two are forced to reconcile their rules about love and friendship. As Ana grows increasingly suspicious of Chance’s animal-like senses and surprising healing ability, he is forced to risk either losing Ana or revealing his astonishing secret life. But once Chance’s grandfather exposes a dangerous secret of his own, it begins unraveling the rules of a world Chance thought he understood- placing all of their lives in jeopardy.
As a mother of a child born with heart defects, I was inspired to create a strong character that could rise above her physical disabilities, while telling a story laced with humor, romance and action. A second book is in outline format now with a planned third book in the series that continues Chance and Ana’s adventures.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
mountainbrown@hotmail.com
Query: The Rain Legacy (revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
On the strictly religious continent of Arydnea, thirteen-year-old Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
It may be too late for her father, whom she found dying on his bedroom floor, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate doesn’t want to give Lynette a rest. Not only is the man who ordered the murder of her father an immortal nobleman, but the goddess of Arydnea also expects Lynette to take up arms and defend the continent from him. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the royal army’s chasing her, because Lynette’s going to make sure the odds are in her favor before stepping onto the battlefield.
If she’s going to defend Arydnea, then she’d better get a formal request- and a little help.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
On the strictly religious continent of Arydnea, thirteen-year-old Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
It may be too late for her father, whom she found dying on his bedroom floor, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate doesn’t want to give Lynette a rest. Not only is the man who ordered the murder of her father an immortal nobleman, but the goddess of Arydnea also expects Lynette to take up arms and defend the continent from him. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the royal army’s chasing her, because Lynette’s going to make sure the odds are in her favor before stepping onto the battlefield.
If she’s going to defend Arydnea, then she’d better get a formal request- and a little help.
Jul 13, 2010
Query: Pawn's Gambit
Dear Agent,
I have been following your blog for the last few months and etc, etc. I hope that you will consider representing my contemporary fantasy novel, PAWN’S GAMBIT.
Steven Bauer always thought chess was just a game, until the sexy brunette in the black dress did her level best to incinerate him. He is rescued from this literal baptism of fire by a world-weary mystic known only as Grey, who introduces Steven to the world of the Game, an ancient conflict that takes the form of a nightmare version of the game of kings. Steven draws his preordained chess piece from Grey’s mystical pouch and assumes the role of the White Pawn, the first of a chosen few fated to take their places among the White and fight until only one side remains. Before the Game can begin, though, the remaining Pieces must be gathered, and that job falls to Steven. Armed with only the weapons of his station, he goes in search of the others. But he isn’t alone in seeking his brethren among the White, as the opposition led by his attempted assassin, the Black Queen, is also on the hunt. At every turn, the stakes get higher, leading to a showdown in the heart of Atlanta between the forces of light and darkness for the fate of the world.
PAWN'S GAMBIT, complete at 114,000 words, should appeal to fans of Neil Gaiman, Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series and Piers Anthony’s “Incarnations of Immortality” series. It is a complete story with a satisfying ending, though I do imagine this book as the beginning of a series, all culminating in the playing of the Game in the final book. Of note, I had the pleasure of meeting Lou Anders, the editorial director at Pyr, at DragonCon last September. He found the concept of my story interesting and asked that I submit there once I obtained representation.
When I’m not writing about mystical chess games, I work as a family doctor based out of Charlotte, NC. I recently finished eight years as an Army physician during which my ten and a half month stint in Iraq allowed me to write the first half of my novel. I have spent the last couple of years completing and preparing this manuscript for the next step and am excited to share it with you. With my background, you might ask why I’m not writing medical thrillers or military memoirs, but telling Steven’s story has become my passion.
Please find the synopsis and first chapter below. Additional information is available at my website as listed. Thank you for considering my manuscript.
Darin Kennedy
www.darinkennedy.com
I have been following your blog for the last few months and etc, etc. I hope that you will consider representing my contemporary fantasy novel, PAWN’S GAMBIT.
Steven Bauer always thought chess was just a game, until the sexy brunette in the black dress did her level best to incinerate him. He is rescued from this literal baptism of fire by a world-weary mystic known only as Grey, who introduces Steven to the world of the Game, an ancient conflict that takes the form of a nightmare version of the game of kings. Steven draws his preordained chess piece from Grey’s mystical pouch and assumes the role of the White Pawn, the first of a chosen few fated to take their places among the White and fight until only one side remains. Before the Game can begin, though, the remaining Pieces must be gathered, and that job falls to Steven. Armed with only the weapons of his station, he goes in search of the others. But he isn’t alone in seeking his brethren among the White, as the opposition led by his attempted assassin, the Black Queen, is also on the hunt. At every turn, the stakes get higher, leading to a showdown in the heart of Atlanta between the forces of light and darkness for the fate of the world.
PAWN'S GAMBIT, complete at 114,000 words, should appeal to fans of Neil Gaiman, Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series and Piers Anthony’s “Incarnations of Immortality” series. It is a complete story with a satisfying ending, though I do imagine this book as the beginning of a series, all culminating in the playing of the Game in the final book. Of note, I had the pleasure of meeting Lou Anders, the editorial director at Pyr, at DragonCon last September. He found the concept of my story interesting and asked that I submit there once I obtained representation.
When I’m not writing about mystical chess games, I work as a family doctor based out of Charlotte, NC. I recently finished eight years as an Army physician during which my ten and a half month stint in Iraq allowed me to write the first half of my novel. I have spent the last couple of years completing and preparing this manuscript for the next step and am excited to share it with you. With my background, you might ask why I’m not writing medical thrillers or military memoirs, but telling Steven’s story has become my passion.
Please find the synopsis and first chapter below. Additional information is available at my website as listed. Thank you for considering my manuscript.
Darin Kennedy
www.darinkennedy.com
QUERY- STRAPPED
Dear Mr. Torrence,
After countless horror movies, books and video games, Paul Thomas-an unemployed shock jock-always dreamed about what if a real life zombie outbreak happened like this. Not that he had wanted this to happen, but, outside of Sophia, he had had little to lose, which made the adventure of it attractive to his day dreams. Real life was so boring. Two weeks ago, movies and games were just entertainment, an escape from the mundane rigors of life. Today, they were training. In this world, he was the one with the edge. However, in all of his corpse-infested fantasies it had never been this damn cold.
He could feel her shivering against him now in the flickering candlelight. The snow covered farmhouse was deserted and drafty, caught in the clutches of Iowa’s third worst winter in state history. The nine-millimeter strapped to his leg was cold as ice. He would have to get Sophia to warmer weather and fast. If he had learned one thing over the past five years they’d been dating, it was to make her bring a sweater to the movies. Even if it was ninety degrees out. She was always cold and if the zombies didn’t get them, the freezing temps would. Sun, margaritas and bikinis in the Gulf of Mexico was the only way to go. And guns. No crappy jobs or relentless bills. Hell, it would almost be romantic, especially with the right boat. But when she gets bitten along the way and painfully turns, all of that changes. He blames himself for failing her. Now he must decide wether to give up altogether or to carry on with Wendy, a pretty dancer they had met while seeking shelter in a small town Kansas strip bar. She is no replacement for his Sophia, yet ironically, he is able to save her life time and time again. Months of hiding together leave them entangled in a true test of the limits of love in a world with no rules. Things move too fast now, but old ghosts are hard to shake.
Like Paul, I am also an unemployed radio guy, devoted fan of all things horror and my girlfriend’s best chance of surviving the inevitable zombie infection. STRAPPED is 90,000 words and my completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request. I would love to work with you and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Sean F
Address
Phone
E-mail
After countless horror movies, books and video games, Paul Thomas-an unemployed shock jock-always dreamed about what if a real life zombie outbreak happened like this. Not that he had wanted this to happen, but, outside of Sophia, he had had little to lose, which made the adventure of it attractive to his day dreams. Real life was so boring. Two weeks ago, movies and games were just entertainment, an escape from the mundane rigors of life. Today, they were training. In this world, he was the one with the edge. However, in all of his corpse-infested fantasies it had never been this damn cold.
He could feel her shivering against him now in the flickering candlelight. The snow covered farmhouse was deserted and drafty, caught in the clutches of Iowa’s third worst winter in state history. The nine-millimeter strapped to his leg was cold as ice. He would have to get Sophia to warmer weather and fast. If he had learned one thing over the past five years they’d been dating, it was to make her bring a sweater to the movies. Even if it was ninety degrees out. She was always cold and if the zombies didn’t get them, the freezing temps would. Sun, margaritas and bikinis in the Gulf of Mexico was the only way to go. And guns. No crappy jobs or relentless bills. Hell, it would almost be romantic, especially with the right boat. But when she gets bitten along the way and painfully turns, all of that changes. He blames himself for failing her. Now he must decide wether to give up altogether or to carry on with Wendy, a pretty dancer they had met while seeking shelter in a small town Kansas strip bar. She is no replacement for his Sophia, yet ironically, he is able to save her life time and time again. Months of hiding together leave them entangled in a true test of the limits of love in a world with no rules. Things move too fast now, but old ghosts are hard to shake.
Like Paul, I am also an unemployed radio guy, devoted fan of all things horror and my girlfriend’s best chance of surviving the inevitable zombie infection. STRAPPED is 90,000 words and my completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request. I would love to work with you and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Sean F
Address
Phone
Query- Crucible of Silver (revision 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
One more try. Any feedback is welcome at all.
Silver squirrel has tried everything and failed. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! ”
Silver’s faced predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home, starting this tangled chain of natural events. Silver sits in the snow after a tiny bird stole his last few morsels of food, contemplating how it all came to this, and he wonders: does he have to forgive the leaders now?
He’s come a long way from insignificant beginnings under a stump. He was timid and inexperienced. Now, he’s just ruined, but perhaps he’s learned how to love others. He loved Sandy Brown, that’s for sure. Maybe he has grown. Maybe it was a refining fire that got him here.
An idea begins to form, a plan, not just to save himself, but all of them. Old Jacob used to say he had a special destiny. It can’t end like this. He’s faced a hawk and lived, battled ermine hand to hand, and even wooed a female. His plan very well could be a disaster, but if it works, he’ll have this one treasure, Sandy by his side.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story completed at 70,000 words.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally copy edited. There are two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals, forming a trilogy. The series has been in the works for 16 years, while I spent time in the wilderness. There are allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not religious in nature. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a big influence as well, existing in a similar universe.
According to your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
One more try. Any feedback is welcome at all.
Silver squirrel has tried everything and failed. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! ”
Silver’s faced predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home, starting this tangled chain of natural events. Silver sits in the snow after a tiny bird stole his last few morsels of food, contemplating how it all came to this, and he wonders: does he have to forgive the leaders now?
He’s come a long way from insignificant beginnings under a stump. He was timid and inexperienced. Now, he’s just ruined, but perhaps he’s learned how to love others. He loved Sandy Brown, that’s for sure. Maybe he has grown. Maybe it was a refining fire that got him here.
An idea begins to form, a plan, not just to save himself, but all of them. Old Jacob used to say he had a special destiny. It can’t end like this. He’s faced a hawk and lived, battled ermine hand to hand, and even wooed a female. His plan very well could be a disaster, but if it works, he’ll have this one treasure, Sandy by his side.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story completed at 70,000 words.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally copy edited. There are two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals, forming a trilogy. The series has been in the works for 16 years, while I spent time in the wilderness. There are allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not religious in nature. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a big influence as well, existing in a similar universe.
According to your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - It's All About the Music
Corinne’s best friend Heather breaks into her house to steal lyrics to enter her in the songwriting competition she’s been begging Corinne to do for more than a year. A bewildered Corinne gets a phone call from the manager of Christian Meyer, Chris, a man whose music she’s loved for years.
A week later she’s on a plane for California leaving her tidy home and six year old twins behind. After a weekend of writing music with Christian and swapping stories about their youth, Corinne heads home. Chris shows up a week later.
Corinne is suddenly in the most passionate relationship of her life. Chris immerses himself in her beloved routine and adores her children. Almost immediately the chaos of his life creeps into hers and she begins to realize the complexities of being with someone like him. With tour dates set and a long separation looming in the very near future, Corinne is forced to choose between the man she loves and the quiet, stable life she’s worked so hard to achieve.
It’s All About the Music is a 108,000 word work of women’s fiction written in Corinne’s first person view. This is my first novel and I am seeking representation.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration,
Jolene B Perry
This is one of two that I've written. If you guys tear it to shreds - and please feel free - maybe I'll post number two.
A week later she’s on a plane for California leaving her tidy home and six year old twins behind. After a weekend of writing music with Christian and swapping stories about their youth, Corinne heads home. Chris shows up a week later.
Corinne is suddenly in the most passionate relationship of her life. Chris immerses himself in her beloved routine and adores her children. Almost immediately the chaos of his life creeps into hers and she begins to realize the complexities of being with someone like him. With tour dates set and a long separation looming in the very near future, Corinne is forced to choose between the man she loves and the quiet, stable life she’s worked so hard to achieve.
It’s All About the Music is a 108,000 word work of women’s fiction written in Corinne’s first person view. This is my first novel and I am seeking representation.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration,
Jolene B Perry
This is one of two that I've written. If you guys tear it to shreds - and please feel free - maybe I'll post number two.
Jul 12, 2010
Synopsis for Beauty For Ashes
Click here to read the most recent query.
word count: 1,160
Critique requested: Is it too dry? Does it use phrases that don't work? Does the end satisfy? Enough/too much detal? Does it do its job (making the reader want to request the manuscript)?
Critique tolerance is high. Anything you have to say is appreciated!
Synopsis
JONATHAN DOUGLAS had a beautiful young wife, a job he loved, and a faith in God he thought couldn’t be shaken. When a desperate phone call from his mother sends him racing home from work, he arrives to find the air filled with smoke and ash, while neighbors and firemen surround his smoldering house. The news that his wife and infant daughter were killed in the fire ends life as he knows it.
Stripped of everything he loved, John rebels against the God who betrayed him. He ignores the Voice of the Lord tickling his soul and continues a downward spiral into depression. Haunted by vivid nightmares- images of his family in the flames- John turns to alcohol for escape. He eventually makes his way to the Las Vegas strip where he spends his time alternately giving himself over to his despair, and fighting off the pain with drink.
APRIL is a strong, independent woman. She watched her mother jump from one abusive relationship to another and is determined not to be as weak as she was. So when her own boyfriend turns violent- beating and raping her after a late night of drinking- April refuses to be a victim. She sneaks out during the night and speeds away from everything she knows. With nothing but a few bucks, she melts into the crowds of Vegas and fights to start over. After living out of her car and serving drinks to sweaty, boorish men, April lands an apartment and roommate but struggles to come up with the rent each month. Losing one job after another leaves her desperate to keep a roof over her head- so desperate that she is willing to do anything to keep off the streets.
John meanwhile, can no longer cope with his pain and decides to end his life. On what would have been his last night alive, he meets April in the hotel bar. April reminds him so much of his deceased wife that when she propositions him and names her price he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up the next morning to a shattered illusion and profound shame. John is finally broken before the Almighty. Falling to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor of a Vegas hotel room, he finds the Lord waiting with open arms.
In search of a new start, John plants himself in southern California and begins to put down roots there. He becomes involved at a local church where he meets JENNI.
Jenni’s life is decidedly centered on Christ. In between college and her job at Just Juice, Jenni performs sign language with the Worship Team at church. She isn’t looking for romance when she meets John, but he captures her heart. Jenni hadn’t thought she’d fall in love with a man who had one marriage already under his belt, and she wrestles with their difference in life experience. But she and John are both flooded by the peace of God and are sure He has brought them together.
John is amazed by God’s grace and the blessing of a second chance at love. But even though his relationship with the Lord has been restored, sin always has its consequences. His days of hard living catch up with him when April appears on his doorstep, pregnant, and claims he is the father.
April had just lost yet another job when she discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was her only option. There was no way she could support a child when she couldn’t even support herself. But when she arrives at the clinic, she is struck by the images and words of a protestor’s sign. The reality of the new life in her womb overwhelms her and she refuses to go through with the procedure. With no medical insurance, severe morning sickness, and no support from friends on her decision to keep the baby, she decides to try and find John.
John knows that to follow Christ he cannot hide the truth of his past. He must surrender his pride, endure the gossip at church, and risk his relationship with Jenni. When he breaks the news to her, he isn’t surprised that she needs time alone to process everything.
While John focuses on getting medical care for April and the unborn baby, Jenni wrestles with her roiling emotions over the devastating news. She fights to hold onto her faith even under these unthinkable circumstances, and in one desperate moment is tempted by her own past of self-mutilation. Instead, she looks to Christ to hold her together. Though she doesn’t know how she will find the strength to do it, she knows the Lord is asking her to forgive and to show His love even to April.
April feels guilty that her arrival has upturned John’s life and damaged his relationship with his new fiancé. He has been more than kind in taking her to doctor appointments and giving her a place to stay. He is a different man than the tortured soul she met at the bar, always talking about the love of God. April had never spared a thought on God; she had done her best to rely only on herself. So when her medical evaluations uncover that she has leukemia, she decides it must be divine punishment. She feels it’s what she deserves, but agonizes over the risk to the baby. However, when Jenni extends the hand of friendship, April begins to realize she is not as alone as she thought.
Though Jenni’s pain still threatens to tear her apart, her heart softens toward April, who she begins to see through the eyes of God. Both Jenni and John continually share the message of God’s love and grace with April, and little by little she opens up to the possibility that He really does love her. In the face of her declining health, April gives her heart and her life to Christ and experiences more joy and peace than she’s ever known.
April’s uncontrolled fever necessitates an early C-section, and it is a bittersweet time for Jenni. When she sees John cradling baby DAVID, she feels both the familiar pang of insecurity as well as happiness for John at becoming a father again. David is small but healthy, and he squirms his way into Jenni’s heart despite the thorny situation.
Grave circumstances mar the celebration over this new life. April is dying. In the days before her death she has found salvation and joy and is ready to let go. She asks John to raise their son in the knowledge of God, and Jenni to be a mommy to him in her absence. After April passes away, Jenni reflects on God’s amazing sovereignty in working all things together for the good of those who love Him. She has a new son, the love of a man she adores, the knowledge that April is safely in the arms of God, and a much stronger faith in the Lord.
****
word count: 1,160
Critique requested: Is it too dry? Does it use phrases that don't work? Does the end satisfy? Enough/too much detal? Does it do its job (making the reader want to request the manuscript)?
Critique tolerance is high. Anything you have to say is appreciated!
Synopsis
JONATHAN DOUGLAS had a beautiful young wife, a job he loved, and a faith in God he thought couldn’t be shaken. When a desperate phone call from his mother sends him racing home from work, he arrives to find the air filled with smoke and ash, while neighbors and firemen surround his smoldering house. The news that his wife and infant daughter were killed in the fire ends life as he knows it.
Stripped of everything he loved, John rebels against the God who betrayed him. He ignores the Voice of the Lord tickling his soul and continues a downward spiral into depression. Haunted by vivid nightmares- images of his family in the flames- John turns to alcohol for escape. He eventually makes his way to the Las Vegas strip where he spends his time alternately giving himself over to his despair, and fighting off the pain with drink.
APRIL is a strong, independent woman. She watched her mother jump from one abusive relationship to another and is determined not to be as weak as she was. So when her own boyfriend turns violent- beating and raping her after a late night of drinking- April refuses to be a victim. She sneaks out during the night and speeds away from everything she knows. With nothing but a few bucks, she melts into the crowds of Vegas and fights to start over. After living out of her car and serving drinks to sweaty, boorish men, April lands an apartment and roommate but struggles to come up with the rent each month. Losing one job after another leaves her desperate to keep a roof over her head- so desperate that she is willing to do anything to keep off the streets.
John meanwhile, can no longer cope with his pain and decides to end his life. On what would have been his last night alive, he meets April in the hotel bar. April reminds him so much of his deceased wife that when she propositions him and names her price he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up the next morning to a shattered illusion and profound shame. John is finally broken before the Almighty. Falling to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor of a Vegas hotel room, he finds the Lord waiting with open arms.
In search of a new start, John plants himself in southern California and begins to put down roots there. He becomes involved at a local church where he meets JENNI.
Jenni’s life is decidedly centered on Christ. In between college and her job at Just Juice, Jenni performs sign language with the Worship Team at church. She isn’t looking for romance when she meets John, but he captures her heart. Jenni hadn’t thought she’d fall in love with a man who had one marriage already under his belt, and she wrestles with their difference in life experience. But she and John are both flooded by the peace of God and are sure He has brought them together.
John is amazed by God’s grace and the blessing of a second chance at love. But even though his relationship with the Lord has been restored, sin always has its consequences. His days of hard living catch up with him when April appears on his doorstep, pregnant, and claims he is the father.
April had just lost yet another job when she discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was her only option. There was no way she could support a child when she couldn’t even support herself. But when she arrives at the clinic, she is struck by the images and words of a protestor’s sign. The reality of the new life in her womb overwhelms her and she refuses to go through with the procedure. With no medical insurance, severe morning sickness, and no support from friends on her decision to keep the baby, she decides to try and find John.
John knows that to follow Christ he cannot hide the truth of his past. He must surrender his pride, endure the gossip at church, and risk his relationship with Jenni. When he breaks the news to her, he isn’t surprised that she needs time alone to process everything.
While John focuses on getting medical care for April and the unborn baby, Jenni wrestles with her roiling emotions over the devastating news. She fights to hold onto her faith even under these unthinkable circumstances, and in one desperate moment is tempted by her own past of self-mutilation. Instead, she looks to Christ to hold her together. Though she doesn’t know how she will find the strength to do it, she knows the Lord is asking her to forgive and to show His love even to April.
April feels guilty that her arrival has upturned John’s life and damaged his relationship with his new fiancé. He has been more than kind in taking her to doctor appointments and giving her a place to stay. He is a different man than the tortured soul she met at the bar, always talking about the love of God. April had never spared a thought on God; she had done her best to rely only on herself. So when her medical evaluations uncover that she has leukemia, she decides it must be divine punishment. She feels it’s what she deserves, but agonizes over the risk to the baby. However, when Jenni extends the hand of friendship, April begins to realize she is not as alone as she thought.
Though Jenni’s pain still threatens to tear her apart, her heart softens toward April, who she begins to see through the eyes of God. Both Jenni and John continually share the message of God’s love and grace with April, and little by little she opens up to the possibility that He really does love her. In the face of her declining health, April gives her heart and her life to Christ and experiences more joy and peace than she’s ever known.
April’s uncontrolled fever necessitates an early C-section, and it is a bittersweet time for Jenni. When she sees John cradling baby DAVID, she feels both the familiar pang of insecurity as well as happiness for John at becoming a father again. David is small but healthy, and he squirms his way into Jenni’s heart despite the thorny situation.
Grave circumstances mar the celebration over this new life. April is dying. In the days before her death she has found salvation and joy and is ready to let go. She asks John to raise their son in the knowledge of God, and Jenni to be a mommy to him in her absence. After April passes away, Jenni reflects on God’s amazing sovereignty in working all things together for the good of those who love Him. She has a new son, the love of a man she adores, the knowledge that April is safely in the arms of God, and a much stronger faith in the Lord.
****
Query- Seaweeds (version 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t talk and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. He names her Pearl and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her magic long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
A few sample pages:
I knew Ronnie was going to surprise me with a party. But I didn’t know there’d be beer. I’m old enough to drink, but I prefer not to. Alcohol doesn’t get along with my stomach. And I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, like fall off a boat.
Or on that particular evening, fall off a boat while having sex with a beautiful girl.
***
“All aboard!” Ronnie surveyed the ladies as they strolled up the ramp, giggling like Paris Hilton wannabes. He twisted the side of his mouth into a lopsided grin and winked at me. “I picked a fine bunch, didn’t I?”
I rolled my eyes and set the tray of dipping snacks I was carrying on top of a table. The April wind raged without remorse; it’d be smart to put the food inside so nothing would blow away, but Ronnie wanted food and drinks to be accessible everywhere on the 32-meter yacht. He even put water bottles next to the toilet in case someone, probably me, got sick.
Best friends since the sandbox days. Ronnie and I always got along, despite our differences. I was the introvert. He was the extrovert, loud and obnoxious, always trying to be the center of attention. I preferred the sideline.
I watched from a distance as the girls promenaded in heels high enough to make my 6-feet-tall self feel midgetified. There were four girls altogether. I knew three of them; the fourth was a mystery.
She tagged behind the others, carrying a basket of cookies. I tried not to ogle, but she was like a goddess. Her eyes were green and sharp. Lengthy eyelashes, decorated with thick coats of mascara. Jet black hair glided across her shoulders effortlessly, not a tangle or curl in sight. I raked my eyes up and down her body, taking in her runway model stature. She was naturally tan; her arms seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her green cotton dress was not blatant or revealing, but fit her figure so perfectly, it made her more desirable than the other girls who were scarcely dressed.
Maybe, if luck was on my side and I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, this girl would end up my birthday present.
In your dreams, my conscious said.
Click here to read the first revision.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t talk and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. He names her Pearl and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her magic long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
A few sample pages:
I knew Ronnie was going to surprise me with a party. But I didn’t know there’d be beer. I’m old enough to drink, but I prefer not to. Alcohol doesn’t get along with my stomach. And I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, like fall off a boat.
Or on that particular evening, fall off a boat while having sex with a beautiful girl.
***
“All aboard!” Ronnie surveyed the ladies as they strolled up the ramp, giggling like Paris Hilton wannabes. He twisted the side of his mouth into a lopsided grin and winked at me. “I picked a fine bunch, didn’t I?”
I rolled my eyes and set the tray of dipping snacks I was carrying on top of a table. The April wind raged without remorse; it’d be smart to put the food inside so nothing would blow away, but Ronnie wanted food and drinks to be accessible everywhere on the 32-meter yacht. He even put water bottles next to the toilet in case someone, probably me, got sick.
Best friends since the sandbox days. Ronnie and I always got along, despite our differences. I was the introvert. He was the extrovert, loud and obnoxious, always trying to be the center of attention. I preferred the sideline.
I watched from a distance as the girls promenaded in heels high enough to make my 6-feet-tall self feel midgetified. There were four girls altogether. I knew three of them; the fourth was a mystery.
She tagged behind the others, carrying a basket of cookies. I tried not to ogle, but she was like a goddess. Her eyes were green and sharp. Lengthy eyelashes, decorated with thick coats of mascara. Jet black hair glided across her shoulders effortlessly, not a tangle or curl in sight. I raked my eyes up and down her body, taking in her runway model stature. She was naturally tan; her arms seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her green cotton dress was not blatant or revealing, but fit her figure so perfectly, it made her more desirable than the other girls who were scarcely dressed.
Maybe, if luck was on my side and I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, this girl would end up my birthday present.
In your dreams, my conscious said.
Jul 9, 2010
Query - Dead Meat (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
I want to thank everyone who commented on the last version. Hopefully this one is a bit closer to the mark.
Dear Agent,
In my thriller Dead Meat, the only thing standing between America and a trumped-up war in a foreign land is a guy who drives a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham. But that’s just Gil Becker’s day job. See, he kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it, the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. They put Becker in the game to figure out who was really responsible for blowing up a Las Vegas casino, but the clues lead away from the Colombian revolutionaries who claimed credit, and closer to something more sinister in the old US of A.
So when five guys in body armor try to kill Becker while he’s singing off-key in the shower, he gets mad. He recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve pissed off the wrong guy, and now it’s personal.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
I want to thank everyone who commented on the last version. Hopefully this one is a bit closer to the mark.
Dear Agent,
In my thriller Dead Meat, the only thing standing between America and a trumped-up war in a foreign land is a guy who drives a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham. But that’s just Gil Becker’s day job. See, he kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it, the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. They put Becker in the game to figure out who was really responsible for blowing up a Las Vegas casino, but the clues lead away from the Colombian revolutionaries who claimed credit, and closer to something more sinister in the old US of A.
So when five guys in body armor try to kill Becker while he’s singing off-key in the shower, he gets mad. He recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve pissed off the wrong guy, and now it’s personal.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
Query- A Cover Story
This is just the meat of the query
Cleo Caswell never knew her father, but if he was of the same breed as her Las Vegas showgirl mother, one parent is plenty, thank you very much. Now, thanks to Mom and her mother's new lover, a not quite over-the-hill showgirl, Cleo has given up her shot at being a respected journalist for a job at a smarmy tabloid.
Not everything at the tabloid is repulsive however. Cleo certainly never expected anyone on the dark side would have her thinking wicked thoughts. But Alec is more than a pretty face (or even an enticing hardbody) as he proves when Cleo's mother is arrested for the murder of a Las Vegas casino owner. Cleo needs help to prove her mother's innocence, and if that means she has to pander to Alec's pursuit of a lurid story about murder, sex, and money, she'll do it. She won't like it but she might just learn that she doesn't have to win a Pulizer to be proud of what she does and that love can be found in the strangest places.
Thanks to all.
Cleo Caswell never knew her father, but if he was of the same breed as her Las Vegas showgirl mother, one parent is plenty, thank you very much. Now, thanks to Mom and her mother's new lover, a not quite over-the-hill showgirl, Cleo has given up her shot at being a respected journalist for a job at a smarmy tabloid.
Not everything at the tabloid is repulsive however. Cleo certainly never expected anyone on the dark side would have her thinking wicked thoughts. But Alec is more than a pretty face (or even an enticing hardbody) as he proves when Cleo's mother is arrested for the murder of a Las Vegas casino owner. Cleo needs help to prove her mother's innocence, and if that means she has to pander to Alec's pursuit of a lurid story about murder, sex, and money, she'll do it. She won't like it but she might just learn that she doesn't have to win a Pulizer to be proud of what she does and that love can be found in the strangest places.
Thanks to all.
Jul 7, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
Yes, she may have snuck out in the middle of the night and followed her neighbour out of town. She was expecting to find adventure, not to overhear the woman meeting up with a nobleman who may or may not have been in love with her great-grandmother. Nor was she expecting her insignificant family to be targeted. It may be to late for her father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. She’s a chosen hero of her land’s Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the most corrupt man in the nation. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the murderer has centuries of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
Yes, she may have snuck out in the middle of the night and followed her neighbour out of town. She was expecting to find adventure, not to overhear the woman meeting up with a nobleman who may or may not have been in love with her great-grandmother. Nor was she expecting her insignificant family to be targeted. It may be to late for her father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. She’s a chosen hero of her land’s Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the most corrupt man in the nation. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the murderer has centuries of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jul 6, 2010
Query- Seaweeds (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
Jul 5, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Silver Strand (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Jul 3, 2010
Query: The Silver Strand
Dear [Agent],
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Jul 2, 2010
QUERY- BEAUTY FOR ASHES (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
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