Dear Agent,
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 19, 2009
Jun 18, 2009
Sample Pages are Welcome
Just a reminder that 4-5 pages of your first chapter are welcome. Just include them with your query submission the same as you would in an email query.
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE (Rev 2)
Click here to read the original query.
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
Jun 17, 2009
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Jun 14, 2009
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jun 11, 2009
Revised Query: The Mansion
Click here to read the original query.
There is a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. Especially when they're pulled from their homes to spend a year in observation, living in a huge mansion and going to a private school of the experimenters' choosing. For Sami Harris, it all might just be a blessing in disguise. She sees the experience as a chance at a fresh start. She's long suffered teasing about her schizophrenia diagnosis, but hopefully, all of that can change.
Unfortunately, she begins hearing voices again as soon as they get to the mansion. When her twin sister suggests that maybe the voices are real, Sami begins following them to diary pages throughout the house. Piece by piece, she and the other kids in the house unravel what happened to make one young girl disappear from the mansion. And end up as a statue in the gardens. Sami isn't sure how, but she knows that they have to help the girl. But first, everyone in the house will have to come clean about the things that they can really do.
The Mansion: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a potential five book series. My first draft won the Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. As a result, there is a series of machinima videos, available on YouTube. The promo video that was made just before the finale videos, is about a minute long and is a wonderful representation of the feel of the book. It can be found here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
There is a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. Especially when they're pulled from their homes to spend a year in observation, living in a huge mansion and going to a private school of the experimenters' choosing. For Sami Harris, it all might just be a blessing in disguise. She sees the experience as a chance at a fresh start. She's long suffered teasing about her schizophrenia diagnosis, but hopefully, all of that can change.
Unfortunately, she begins hearing voices again as soon as they get to the mansion. When her twin sister suggests that maybe the voices are real, Sami begins following them to diary pages throughout the house. Piece by piece, she and the other kids in the house unravel what happened to make one young girl disappear from the mansion. And end up as a statue in the gardens. Sami isn't sure how, but she knows that they have to help the girl. But first, everyone in the house will have to come clean about the things that they can really do.
The Mansion: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a potential five book series. My first draft won the Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. As a result, there is a series of machinima videos, available on YouTube. The promo video that was made just before the finale videos, is about a minute long and is a wonderful representation of the feel of the book. It can be found here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
An Awesome Writing Advice Database!!!
Yes, all three exclamation points in the post title are warranted. I could add five more and feel great about myself, this is just that good.
Sometimes I worry that I am being redundant if I mention Nathan Bransford because I know that many of you also follow Nathan's blog and you probably read it first. But sometimes I just don't care how worried I am, I just do it. I'm like Nike, I guess.
So in the rare event that someone out there has not yet visited Nathan's blog today (or *gasp* ever...), please read on with vigor:
Nathan's post today consolidates over 40 links regarding preparation, writing, revising, genres, and holding onto your marbles. It is an absolute must-read for any aspiring writer. I could probably extend that to include professional writers. Any pros out there, feel free to agree / disagree in the comments.
Click here to go to Nathan's Writing Advice Database. I added the post to the links menu at the right side of this blog, too.
Why are you still reading this? Don't you listen? I said "click here" like 34 words ago. No go back and click. Geeze.
Sometimes I worry that I am being redundant if I mention Nathan Bransford because I know that many of you also follow Nathan's blog and you probably read it first. But sometimes I just don't care how worried I am, I just do it. I'm like Nike, I guess.
So in the rare event that someone out there has not yet visited Nathan's blog today (or *gasp* ever...), please read on with vigor:
Nathan's post today consolidates over 40 links regarding preparation, writing, revising, genres, and holding onto your marbles. It is an absolute must-read for any aspiring writer. I could probably extend that to include professional writers. Any pros out there, feel free to agree / disagree in the comments.
Click here to go to Nathan's Writing Advice Database. I added the post to the links menu at the right side of this blog, too.
Why are you still reading this? Don't you listen? I said "click here" like 34 words ago. No go back and click. Geeze.
Jun 9, 2009
Query: Blood From Heaven (version 3)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read version 2.
Dear Future Agent:
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
There are women who in ancient times were liminal points between the Earthly and spirit realms. Samone is one such Priestess incarnated in the modern world. Like women before her, demons seek them out to steal their bodies and walk manifest upon the Earth. They are taught and protected by angels.
The angels choose two men to love and guard her, and when the men find her spirit and return it to her body, they must learn to use magic and fight the demons who seek to take Samone. Angels are not always what they seem, however, and sometimes people die.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read version 2.
Dear Future Agent:
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
There are women who in ancient times were liminal points between the Earthly and spirit realms. Samone is one such Priestess incarnated in the modern world. Like women before her, demons seek them out to steal their bodies and walk manifest upon the Earth. They are taught and protected by angels.
The angels choose two men to love and guard her, and when the men find her spirit and return it to her body, they must learn to use magic and fight the demons who seek to take Samone. Angels are not always what they seem, however, and sometimes people die.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 7, 2009
Query: A DARKER DAWN (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read the first revision.
After getting some great feedback, I have made the changes. Be absolutely ruthless!
-----------------------
Dear Ms. /Mr. Agent:
When the four friends accidentally killed the school bully, their friendship died, but decades later, when they confront their terrible sin, friendship is their only hope for redemption.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. The bullies led by Bappa and a school teacher abuse them relentlessly. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. They are tormented by the carnage they witness, and their rage at Bappa, who almost kills Dev, turns fatal. They make a pact of silence – never meet each other and never talk about the bully’s death to anyone.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
------
Click here to read the first revision.
After getting some great feedback, I have made the changes. Be absolutely ruthless!
-----------------------
Dear Ms. /Mr. Agent:
When the four friends accidentally killed the school bully, their friendship died, but decades later, when they confront their terrible sin, friendship is their only hope for redemption.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. The bullies led by Bappa and a school teacher abuse them relentlessly. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. They are tormented by the carnage they witness, and their rage at Bappa, who almost kills Dev, turns fatal. They make a pact of silence – never meet each other and never talk about the bully’s death to anyone.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
------
Jun 6, 2009
Query: Blood From Heaven (version 2)
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read version 3.
Demons want Samone’s body so that they can walk manifest on Earth. This young Priestess is missing, and an angel is guarding her body and keeping it alive.
The angel enlists the help of Detective Paterson and Liner Dawson to find Samone’s spirit and return it before her body dies. The men learn that angels are not exactly as the myths say. This angel has killed two men, and exists to fight demons on the Earthly plane.
While searching for Samone, both men fall in love with her, and she is told by her spirits that they were sent to love and protect her. The three of them go to Chicago for a new life together but find that demons still hunt for Samone.
The three of them enlist the angels through magic to help fight the demons, but something has gone wrong. Detective Paterson discovers that a horrific string of murders has an eerily familiar feel, and the killer does not seem to be entirely human. If he can’t catch the killer, the demons may finally get what they are after: Samone.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read version 3.
Demons want Samone’s body so that they can walk manifest on Earth. This young Priestess is missing, and an angel is guarding her body and keeping it alive.
The angel enlists the help of Detective Paterson and Liner Dawson to find Samone’s spirit and return it before her body dies. The men learn that angels are not exactly as the myths say. This angel has killed two men, and exists to fight demons on the Earthly plane.
While searching for Samone, both men fall in love with her, and she is told by her spirits that they were sent to love and protect her. The three of them go to Chicago for a new life together but find that demons still hunt for Samone.
The three of them enlist the angels through magic to help fight the demons, but something has gone wrong. Detective Paterson discovers that a horrific string of murders has an eerily familiar feel, and the killer does not seem to be entirely human. If he can’t catch the killer, the demons may finally get what they are after: Samone.
I own a retail Pagan store and have a back ground in law enforcement and the history of occult theory and practice. Blood From Heaven is a paranormal mystery which is complete at 82,700 words. I am posting daily on my blog, Worlds Apart [http://www.ejalvey.wordpress.com], which is the Diary of Samone Fisher and serves as a prequel for this novel. Blood From Heaven is the first in a series and can also stand alone.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 5, 2009
Query- Blood From Heaven
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Future Agent:
Your expressed interest in literary fiction with commercial appeal led me to approach you for representation for my upmarket fiction work Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words.
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
Dale Paterson and Michael “Liner’ Dawson find themselves thrust into a new life when they encounter this woman. The veils between the spirit world and the Earthly realm are shredded by the urgency of life and death: the life of Samone, who will die if her spirit is not found in time, and the murders of two men.
Serafina, the angel, is forced to trust Paterson and Liner and imprints them into the world of magic, angels, and demons. As their new lives lurch forward in a world that alienates them from "mundanes", they begin a new path of initiation into spiritual self-transcendence, guided by the interaction with the angel Serafina. Once they rescue Samone from the spirit realm, the three of them form a bond of intimacy that only unbelievable circumstances can forge. Paterson and Liner have to face their own inner struggles while learning the ways that demons invade the lives of humans, and the ways angels are not always what they seem.
My novel most certainly fits the description of edgy dark fiction that has mainstream appeal as it combines elements of paranormal, mystery, and crime fiction, with a focus on strong character development and interpersonal relationships and conflict. Blood From Heaven presents a unique perspective and voice, as it weaves together the points of view of the three protaganists without losing the readers ability to remain immersed in the story. It incorporates the ancient pagan traditions of women who served as Priestesses and liminal points to the spirit realm using an oracular technique of trance possession. Blood From Heaven was crafted with a strong and unique literary style.
I have drawn from my educational and professional background in Social Work, law enforcement, psychology, sociology, archaic and dead languages, Pagan spiritualities, occult history, modern magical movements, magical philosophy and history, and the arts and science of occult practice. I own a retail occult/Pagan business with an international customer base. This is my first novel.
I have started a blog written from the point of view of the female protagonist, Samone. [http://ejalvey.wordpress.com] It is a prequel to this novel in the form of her journal entries. Paterson and Liner use Samone's journal to learn about her and to assist them in locating her spirit and bring it back to her body. I think this will be an excellent way to help market the book and reach and maintain a fan-base for this series, as I have successfully developed a following in the blogosphere before from two blogs that I wrote and maintained, as well as when I diaried on Daily Kos.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
E J Alvey
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Future Agent:
Your expressed interest in literary fiction with commercial appeal led me to approach you for representation for my upmarket fiction work Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words.
Samone is a woman who communicates with spirits within her own body, only when she is found in the woods, no one knows who she is or that her spirit is actually missing; her body is being kept alive by an angel―a Seraphim.
Dale Paterson and Michael “Liner’ Dawson find themselves thrust into a new life when they encounter this woman. The veils between the spirit world and the Earthly realm are shredded by the urgency of life and death: the life of Samone, who will die if her spirit is not found in time, and the murders of two men.
Serafina, the angel, is forced to trust Paterson and Liner and imprints them into the world of magic, angels, and demons. As their new lives lurch forward in a world that alienates them from "mundanes", they begin a new path of initiation into spiritual self-transcendence, guided by the interaction with the angel Serafina. Once they rescue Samone from the spirit realm, the three of them form a bond of intimacy that only unbelievable circumstances can forge. Paterson and Liner have to face their own inner struggles while learning the ways that demons invade the lives of humans, and the ways angels are not always what they seem.
My novel most certainly fits the description of edgy dark fiction that has mainstream appeal as it combines elements of paranormal, mystery, and crime fiction, with a focus on strong character development and interpersonal relationships and conflict. Blood From Heaven presents a unique perspective and voice, as it weaves together the points of view of the three protaganists without losing the readers ability to remain immersed in the story. It incorporates the ancient pagan traditions of women who served as Priestesses and liminal points to the spirit realm using an oracular technique of trance possession. Blood From Heaven was crafted with a strong and unique literary style.
I have drawn from my educational and professional background in Social Work, law enforcement, psychology, sociology, archaic and dead languages, Pagan spiritualities, occult history, modern magical movements, magical philosophy and history, and the arts and science of occult practice. I own a retail occult/Pagan business with an international customer base. This is my first novel.
I have started a blog written from the point of view of the female protagonist, Samone. [http://ejalvey.wordpress.com] It is a prequel to this novel in the form of her journal entries. Paterson and Liner use Samone's journal to learn about her and to assist them in locating her spirit and bring it back to her body. I think this will be an excellent way to help market the book and reach and maintain a fan-base for this series, as I have successfully developed a following in the blogosphere before from two blogs that I wrote and maintained, as well as when I diaried on Daily Kos.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
E J Alvey
Jun 3, 2009
Query: A DARKER DAWN (Revisited)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. / Ms. Agent,
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about the bully’s death, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. They are bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a teacher in the school. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
----
- I don't have any pub credits worth mentioning :-(. So not so sure about what to mention in the bio
- Just a question Does the query seem too 'set-up'ish?
- Be absolutely brutal!
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. / Ms. Agent,
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about the bully’s death, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
In a small town of India, with a violent history of religious tensions, twelve year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet are growing up like grass on a sidewalk – neglected and uncared for by their families. They are bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a teacher in the school. When a bomb explodes in front of a mosque, a bloody riot erupts in the market and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
They go their separate ways and over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the bully’s death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement. They return to the town as strangers to each other, blaming their childhood friendship, wishing they had never met. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the old hatreds are still alive in the town. The four friends have nothing but their forgotten friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships fade.
Kind regards
Rohit Gore
----
- I don't have any pub credits worth mentioning :-(. So not so sure about what to mention in the bio
- Just a question Does the query seem too 'set-up'ish?
- Be absolutely brutal!
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (revisited)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Note: I really appreciate all the advice that I received for my first query attempt. I've tweaked it a bit (based on your suggestions) and humbly ask you if this is an improvement or not... I didn't change the word count issue (as the novel still needs to be edited), and I wonder if I should mention the targeted audience. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
--
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
Following the worst day of Olivia Marconi’s young life, her mother, Devi, soothes her with a unique bedtime tale, the first of many about Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven in southern Kentucky that unites families from all cultures and persuasions, supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals, and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose. Despite Devi’s evident passion for this made-up utopia, she remains disillusioned about her life as a middle-class housewife and mother in 1970s-era New Orleans.
Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN(Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, my first novel – a 150,000-word literary/mainstream saga that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world.
For more information, please visit my website: www.rubyhollow.com. If you would like to view the complete manuscript, please contact me via the email address, phone number, or mailing address listed above. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus an SASE for your convenience. Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the second revision.
Note: I really appreciate all the advice that I received for my first query attempt. I've tweaked it a bit (based on your suggestions) and humbly ask you if this is an improvement or not... I didn't change the word count issue (as the novel still needs to be edited), and I wonder if I should mention the targeted audience. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
--
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
Following the worst day of Olivia Marconi’s young life, her mother, Devi, soothes her with a unique bedtime tale, the first of many about Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven in southern Kentucky that unites families from all cultures and persuasions, supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals, and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose. Despite Devi’s evident passion for this made-up utopia, she remains disillusioned about her life as a middle-class housewife and mother in 1970s-era New Orleans.
Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN(Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, my first novel – a 150,000-word literary/mainstream saga that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world.
For more information, please visit my website: www.rubyhollow.com. If you would like to view the complete manuscript, please contact me via the email address, phone number, or mailing address listed above. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus an SASE for your convenience. Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jun 2, 2009
Query - The Chosen Ones
Dear Mr. Agent:
When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.
Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.
Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.
The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.
Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.
Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.
The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
The Eternal Link Query (version 3)
Click here to read the original query. Sorry, short on time. You can get to revision 2 from the original...
Click here to read version 4.
Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.
Thanks,
Wistful
*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.
In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.
THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.
Thanks,
Wistful
*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.
In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.
THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.
Query letter for Wesley Grey
To editor/agent at ***:
I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.
Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.
Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.
I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.
Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.
Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.
I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
Jun 1, 2009
100 Followers! And a contest!
This weekend The Public Query Slushpile picked up its 100th follower!
[NOTE: insert cyber confetti and a ticker tape parade across the World Wide Web here. Oh, and multi-colored balloons. They are quite festive.]
Thanks to everyone who stops by, whether you are submitting queries, commenting on queries posted, or even if you just lurk and read. And if all you do is lurk and read blogs all day, I hope you unplug and go outdoors occasionally. Really. It's nice out there.
And now a contest...The Best Query Competition
There are over 70 unique queries in the Slushpile. Over 125 if you count revisions. Have you read them all?
Look deep into the blog. You are getting sleepy. Wait, sorry. Wrong post. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
Look deep into the blog. Use the labels to the right, the search function at the top-left, or scan the titles in the archive. Find a few queries you never read. Re-read a few that you remember.
Leave a comment to this post letting us know which query you think is the best. [NOTE: I don't know why I said us just now, since there's only one of me here. Perhaps I need to take myself up on that "go outside" thing I mentioned earlier.]
And the prize? Sorry, I got nothing for you except this:
Thanks again for your support. And remember, you have to post to receive total consciousness on your deathbed...
[NOTE: insert cyber confetti and a ticker tape parade across the World Wide Web here. Oh, and multi-colored balloons. They are quite festive.]
Thanks to everyone who stops by, whether you are submitting queries, commenting on queries posted, or even if you just lurk and read. And if all you do is lurk and read blogs all day, I hope you unplug and go outdoors occasionally. Really. It's nice out there.
And now a contest...The Best Query Competition
There are over 70 unique queries in the Slushpile. Over 125 if you count revisions. Have you read them all?
Look deep into the blog. You are getting sleepy. Wait, sorry. Wrong post. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
Look deep into the blog. Use the labels to the right, the search function at the top-left, or scan the titles in the archive. Find a few queries you never read. Re-read a few that you remember.
Leave a comment to this post letting us know which query you think is the best. [NOTE: I don't know why I said us just now, since there's only one of me here. Perhaps I need to take myself up on that "go outside" thing I mentioned earlier.]
And the prize? Sorry, I got nothing for you except this:
Thanks again for your support. And remember, you have to post to receive total consciousness on your deathbed...
May 31, 2009
QUERY: A DARKER DAWN
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. /Ms. Agent:
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about their crime to anyone, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
Growing up in a small town of India, twelve-year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet come from broken families. Bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a school teacher, their friendship is the only wonderful thing in their lives.
The town has a violent history of religious and political tensions. One day, after a bomb explodes in front of an old mosque, a riot erupts between the Hindus and Muslims and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
Torn by guilt, they go their separate ways. Over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement.
They return to the town as strangers to each other, their friendship forgotten. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the man who called them back wants them to atone with their lives. The four friends have nothing but their old friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships desert.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Rohit Gore
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr. /Ms. Agent:
When four childhood friends accidentally kill a school bully, they make a pact of silence – never meet each other again and never talk about their crime to anyone, but someone knows their secret, and decades later the four friends confront their past one final time.
Growing up in a small town of India, twelve-year old best friends Dev, Avi, Anita and Jeet come from broken families. Bullied relentlessly by older boys and abused by a school teacher, their friendship is the only wonderful thing in their lives.
The town has a violent history of religious and political tensions. One day, after a bomb explodes in front of an old mosque, a riot erupts between the Hindus and Muslims and the four friends are trapped. Tormented by the carnage they witness, their rage at the bullying Bappa, who assaults them, turns fatal.
Torn by guilt, they go their separate ways. Over their unfulfilled lives, the memory of the death grows stronger, like a festering wound. Twenty years later, an unknown man sends them a message – it’s time for atonement.
They return to the town as strangers to each other, their friendship forgotten. When Avi is assaulted and beaten near death, they know the man who called them back wants them to atone with their lives. The four friends have nothing but their old friendship to save themselves.
My 84,000 word literary fiction, A DARKER DAWN, explores how one terrible mistake can destroy many lives, and how friendship survives when all other relationships desert.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Rohit Gore
Query - HOLLOW SOULS
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
In recent decades, the world has become increasingly more dangerous and more restrictive, making many people long for a refuge like Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven that unites families from all cultures, religions, and persuasions; supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals; and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose.
Devi Marconi, an unhappy housewife and mother, first shares the legend of this mysterious, century-old utopia with her youngest child, Olivia, following a particularly horrid day in 1970s-era New Orleans. Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world. While researching cave geology and varied cultures for the Hollow, I created detailed maps, census records, and the history of founder Ruby Fitzgerald, a dedicated abolitionist and the inspiration for my second novel, currently in progress.
Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work. If you would like to view the complete synopsis, proposal, or manuscript, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me via the email, phone, or mailing information listed above. I’ve enclosed a brief synopsis and an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
In recent decades, the world has become increasingly more dangerous and more restrictive, making many people long for a refuge like Ruby Hollow – a secret, subterranean haven that unites families from all cultures, religions, and persuasions; supports innovation while preserving old-fashioned ideals; and enables lost souls to find solace and purpose.
Devi Marconi, an unhappy housewife and mother, first shares the legend of this mysterious, century-old utopia with her youngest child, Olivia, following a particularly horrid day in 1970s-era New Orleans. Years later, Olivia, now a teenaged artist, has wearied of her mother’s inexplicable depression, until she discovers a cache of love letters from the “hero” of Devi’s bedtime tales, and suddenly realizes the Hollow is an actual place. Through these illuminating pages, she learns about the unexpected pregnancy that prevented her mother’s return to the strange underworld into which she’d stumbled as a child. Despite her doubts, Olivia confesses her find, yearning to know more about Devi’s long-lost home. But it isn’t until a road trip to Kentucky that Devi is finally able to introduce Olivia to the beloved cave-dwellers that once inspired her stories, and to the only place where she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to travel guide author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). Once, on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel that proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world. While researching cave geology and varied cultures for the Hollow, I created detailed maps, census records, and the history of founder Ruby Fitzgerald, a dedicated abolitionist and the inspiration for my second novel, currently in progress.
Thank you for considering the possibility of representing my work. If you would like to view the complete synopsis, proposal, or manuscript, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me via the email, phone, or mailing information listed above. I’ve enclosed a brief synopsis and an SASE for your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
May 30, 2009
Query Raising Kain: Diseased God
I would like to submit my short novel Raising Kain: Diseased God to the *** Literary agency for representation resulting in eventual publication. It is a novel that is exactly 44,560 words long, by the count of Microsoft Word.
I consider Raising Kain: Diseased God a combination of the Fantasy and Mythology genres. There are aspects about the novel that I would also consider Science Fiction because of the fact that a lot of the magic used by the powerful beings that exist in the story is more of a type of telepathy than actual magic. I would also say that there are some aspects of horror in the novel. The villain is an undead god of Disease named Pestilence after the biblical figure of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Raising Kain: Diseased God is the novel about a six year old boy named Apophis Kain. Kain is the child of Celita and Ouranus, the rulers of Atlantis and Gods in their own rights. The six year old protagonist is thrust into a Spartanesque training program headed by his aunt, the Aspect of the Earth Gaia. Gaia was told by Destiny himself that Kain would one day be her replacement as the Aspect of the Earth and, throughout the course of the novel (which covers the time in Kain's life from age six-nine) Gaia teaches the boy to fight and how the world around him works. Their training is interrupted, though, by a being named Pestilence. Pestilence is one of the three Dark Aspects, and is an undead disease ridden being. He is hell bent on getting revenge on Gaia, his former master before he was transformed into the Dark Aspect, by putting Kain through a veritable hell.
I would like to embark on a career as an author, and Raising Kain: Diseased God is my first completed novel. I have one prior publication credit in Concord Universitys literary magazine Reflexes. I intend on expanding Raising Kain into a trilogy relating the tail of Kains first trip into adulthood, with the possibility of another trilogy or two based on the outcome of the first. I am working on a second novel right now, but it is not the second book in the series.
I have the prologue and first chapter available on my blog: http://ryanmsmith1986.blogspot.com/2009/05/heres-what-every-body-has-been-waiting.html
More material is available upon request, and I do want to thank you for your consideration of my novel, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
I consider Raising Kain: Diseased God a combination of the Fantasy and Mythology genres. There are aspects about the novel that I would also consider Science Fiction because of the fact that a lot of the magic used by the powerful beings that exist in the story is more of a type of telepathy than actual magic. I would also say that there are some aspects of horror in the novel. The villain is an undead god of Disease named Pestilence after the biblical figure of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Raising Kain: Diseased God is the novel about a six year old boy named Apophis Kain. Kain is the child of Celita and Ouranus, the rulers of Atlantis and Gods in their own rights. The six year old protagonist is thrust into a Spartanesque training program headed by his aunt, the Aspect of the Earth Gaia. Gaia was told by Destiny himself that Kain would one day be her replacement as the Aspect of the Earth and, throughout the course of the novel (which covers the time in Kain's life from age six-nine) Gaia teaches the boy to fight and how the world around him works. Their training is interrupted, though, by a being named Pestilence. Pestilence is one of the three Dark Aspects, and is an undead disease ridden being. He is hell bent on getting revenge on Gaia, his former master before he was transformed into the Dark Aspect, by putting Kain through a veritable hell.
I would like to embark on a career as an author, and Raising Kain: Diseased God is my first completed novel. I have one prior publication credit in Concord Universitys literary magazine Reflexes. I intend on expanding Raising Kain into a trilogy relating the tail of Kains first trip into adulthood, with the possibility of another trilogy or two based on the outcome of the first. I am working on a second novel right now, but it is not the second book in the series.
I have the prologue and first chapter available on my blog: http://ryanmsmith1986.blogspot.com/2009/05/heres-what-every-body-has-been-waiting.html
More material is available upon request, and I do want to thank you for your consideration of my novel, Raising Kain: Diseased God, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ryan M. Smith
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 5)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Shipwright and aspiring novelist, Samuel Wesley, has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, his life affords little opportunity, let alone time. The problem is not so much living in Down East Maine, as trying to run the family business while keeping track of his 90-year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Marlena arrives with all her peculiar ways. She’s only looking for a room, but Samuel’s mother hires her on the spot, just to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather. Samuel cannot afford the distraction, nor allow curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he pursues her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet, if he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 26, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (Version 2)
Click here to read the original query.
*any comments would be really helpful to me! thanks in advance!
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of thin air, and the wizard Valmont arrives in the 3000 CE ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wants to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than a 2,000 year old memory.
*any comments would be really helpful to me! thanks in advance!
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
Trees start talking, entire ancient villages appear out of thin air, and the wizard Valmont arrives in the 3000 CE ready to trample all who get between him and immortal power. All this, because sixteen-year old Catalina wants to find her true mother and instead causes a rift in time that collides the magical past and the high-tech future.
With the two worlds merging at an alarming rate and time leaps occurring as close as a few feet away, Catalina accepts her responsibility to restore order as an Eternal, a keeper of time. With so little of her magic developed, Catalina tries to renew the powers of the Eternal before her, an old wizard whose weakness caused Catalina to be chosen in his place. But with time literally running out and Valmont closing in, Catalina chooses between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than a 2,000 year old memory.
May 24, 2009
Query - Nowhere to Run
Dear agent:
Corporate greed and one man’s plan for vengence collide in NOWHERE TO RUN, a 96,000 word dark romantic suspense, for which I am seeking representation.
Shae McCrary is a runner. Not in a sweaty, aerobic way, but in a jump-on-a-bus-because-the-boyfriend-proposed sort of way. She has a bad habit of sneaking away when her personal life gets jumbled, and right now, with her journalism career in shambles and strangers following her and ransacking her apartment, she’s definitely jumbled. When a man who would look more at home in a war zone than Greenwich Village grabs her outside her building, she decides he’s marginally less threatening than the bozos upstairs. And he flaunts the one thing that could bring her to a squealing halt: inside information on the story she just got canned for writing.
Noah Cole’s been buried in the underside of global politics for a lot of years, providing security for anyone who can afford his protection. Enough years to know when he’s being suckered: when the pesky reporter blinks those big brown eyes at him, says she teaches elementary school or some such nonsense, and couldn’t possibly know why his client called her hours before being kidnapped in Baghdad. Or how she’s come to be the next target.
So Cole does what he does best: snatches her before anyone else can, sure he can keep her alive long enough to get information out of her. And if seduction is the only thing that makes her talk, well, he can get past his aversion for her to make the sacrifice. But as the stakes go up, and the cost of justice becomes Shae herself, will he be able to let go of the woman who’s conned her way into his heart?
I am a member of Romance Writers Association of America. I have been published in nonfiction articles in international conflict and diplomacy, and am under contract for two nonfiction books with Syracuse University Press and Cambridge Press (UK).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Corporate greed and one man’s plan for vengence collide in NOWHERE TO RUN, a 96,000 word dark romantic suspense, for which I am seeking representation.
Shae McCrary is a runner. Not in a sweaty, aerobic way, but in a jump-on-a-bus-because-the-boyfriend-proposed sort of way. She has a bad habit of sneaking away when her personal life gets jumbled, and right now, with her journalism career in shambles and strangers following her and ransacking her apartment, she’s definitely jumbled. When a man who would look more at home in a war zone than Greenwich Village grabs her outside her building, she decides he’s marginally less threatening than the bozos upstairs. And he flaunts the one thing that could bring her to a squealing halt: inside information on the story she just got canned for writing.
Noah Cole’s been buried in the underside of global politics for a lot of years, providing security for anyone who can afford his protection. Enough years to know when he’s being suckered: when the pesky reporter blinks those big brown eyes at him, says she teaches elementary school or some such nonsense, and couldn’t possibly know why his client called her hours before being kidnapped in Baghdad. Or how she’s come to be the next target.
So Cole does what he does best: snatches her before anyone else can, sure he can keep her alive long enough to get information out of her. And if seduction is the only thing that makes her talk, well, he can get past his aversion for her to make the sacrifice. But as the stakes go up, and the cost of justice becomes Shae herself, will he be able to let go of the woman who’s conned her way into his heart?
I am a member of Romance Writers Association of America. I have been published in nonfiction articles in international conflict and diplomacy, and am under contract for two nonfiction books with Syracuse University Press and Cambridge Press (UK).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Wolf Of The Sea
A Pictish princess and a prophet of the future, Loxa is apprenticed to the old seer of her tribe. The king, her uncle, decides she is to marry his son, an honour that she can't refuse, despite their mutual loathing. Locked into a loveless marriage that her husband cannot bring himself to consummate, she is hounded by the Christian priest who is fearful of her powers, while terror comes to the kingdom's shores, as Norse longships are seen sailing into the bay.
Almost captured by the fearsome Norseman, Jorund, she finds that she cannot stop thinking about him long after the invaders have left. Unhappy with her life, in a village where it is whispered she is barren, Loxa seeks hope in her ability to predict future events. But seeing that she is to follow her husband to live and rule in a neighbouring kingdom, she refuses to leave. After being drugged, she wakes to find that she has been transported while unconscious.
Away from her kin and misunderstood in her new home, Loxa is almost relieved when the Norsemen strike again. As she re-encounters Jorund, she knows that he means abduct her and does not lament being taken across the sea. The new world she enters is unlike any she has known, where her powers are respected and she is honoured as Jorund's woman.
The Norsemen continue to make raids across the water and Loxa is left distraught when Jorund does not return from a skirmish. As she plans to take her life and honourably join him in Valhalla, Loxa finds that she is pregnant and choses to live for Jorund's child. As attacks come from surrounding tribes, Loxa and her son escape with the remaining villagers over the sea, arriving back in the bay where she was raised.
Under pressure to return to her husband, Loxa fights that the marriage be annulled. The king disagrees as there is no evidence that Jorund is alive and that he is able to claim her and their son. Loxa's predictions allow her to see that Jorund will return the day after a ball of fire flies across the night sky, but these claims are not believed. The evening before the priest is take her back to the neighbouring lands, a comet is seen clearly moving across the horizon.
The villagers wait with Loxa the next day to witness the arrive of the Norseman, but it is not until sunset that a small skiff is seen entering into the bay.
THE WOLF OF THE SEA is a work of historical fiction, complete at 90,000 words.
Almost captured by the fearsome Norseman, Jorund, she finds that she cannot stop thinking about him long after the invaders have left. Unhappy with her life, in a village where it is whispered she is barren, Loxa seeks hope in her ability to predict future events. But seeing that she is to follow her husband to live and rule in a neighbouring kingdom, she refuses to leave. After being drugged, she wakes to find that she has been transported while unconscious.
Away from her kin and misunderstood in her new home, Loxa is almost relieved when the Norsemen strike again. As she re-encounters Jorund, she knows that he means abduct her and does not lament being taken across the sea. The new world she enters is unlike any she has known, where her powers are respected and she is honoured as Jorund's woman.
The Norsemen continue to make raids across the water and Loxa is left distraught when Jorund does not return from a skirmish. As she plans to take her life and honourably join him in Valhalla, Loxa finds that she is pregnant and choses to live for Jorund's child. As attacks come from surrounding tribes, Loxa and her son escape with the remaining villagers over the sea, arriving back in the bay where she was raised.
Under pressure to return to her husband, Loxa fights that the marriage be annulled. The king disagrees as there is no evidence that Jorund is alive and that he is able to claim her and their son. Loxa's predictions allow her to see that Jorund will return the day after a ball of fire flies across the night sky, but these claims are not believed. The evening before the priest is take her back to the neighbouring lands, a comet is seen clearly moving across the horizon.
The villagers wait with Loxa the next day to witness the arrive of the Norseman, but it is not until sunset that a small skiff is seen entering into the bay.
THE WOLF OF THE SEA is a work of historical fiction, complete at 90,000 words.
May 23, 2009
Query - Story for a Shipwright (Revision 4)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Shipwright Samuel Wesley has never seen a girl spear a fish at twenty feet or behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife. Then again, living in Down East Maine, trying to run a family business while keeping track of his 90 year-old grandfather and maintaining his family’s bed-and-breakfast affords little opportunity, let alone time. Even so, when Marlena unexpectedly arrives with all her peculiar ways, looking for a room, and his mother hires her on the spot to keep an eye on his wandering grandfather, Samuel does not allow his curiosity to override his reservations. Not until they begin sharing stories, that is.
Marlena tells about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts—explaining why she has sought him out.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. If he allows her walk out of his life, he misses out on an exceptional young woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
When an ordinary life converges with the extraordinary, will Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for?
I am seeking representation for this novel, STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 22, 2009
A follow up to my post on revisions
Click here to read a very worthwhile counter-point on why you should not revise the hell out of your queries.
Thanks to Authoress at Miss Snark's First Victim for putting this together, she makes some very good points, then main one being that an over-shopped query can lose the voice of the author...
Thanks to Authoress at Miss Snark's First Victim for putting this together, she makes some very good points, then main one being that an over-shopped query can lose the voice of the author...
May 21, 2009
Revisions and Resubmissions
Two agents addressed the topic of re-querying on their blogs today. I'm guessing that the vast majority of you already read both posts, but just in case you haven't, here are the links:
Click here to read Nathan Bransford's perspective on re-querying.
Click here to read Jessica Faust's perspective.
As for re-submitting queries to this blog, I'm all for it. A few submitters have thanked me for my patience in posting multiple revisions, but there's no need. I'm happy to help out, especially when there aren't many new queries coming in (NOTE: send queries. I can't make the hint any more obvious). I would rather have you fine tune your queries over several revisions here than miss a shot with the agent of your dreams.
jbchicoine put it in a great perspective with this comment on the fourth revision of the RAINGUN query:
"I found it very helpful, reading what others had to say, and how you applied it. I think what you've learned has also made the critiques you've offered very helpful."
So please keep 'em coming, whether they are new queries or new versions of old queries...
Click here to read Nathan Bransford's perspective on re-querying.
Click here to read Jessica Faust's perspective.
As for re-submitting queries to this blog, I'm all for it. A few submitters have thanked me for my patience in posting multiple revisions, but there's no need. I'm happy to help out, especially when there aren't many new queries coming in (NOTE: send queries. I can't make the hint any more obvious). I would rather have you fine tune your queries over several revisions here than miss a shot with the agent of your dreams.
jbchicoine put it in a great perspective with this comment on the fourth revision of the RAINGUN query:
"I found it very helpful, reading what others had to say, and how you applied it. I think what you've learned has also made the critiques you've offered very helpful."
So please keep 'em coming, whether they are new queries or new versions of old queries...
May 20, 2009
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 3)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
What kind of girl can spear a fish at twenty feet and behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife? Shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley, has to wonder. Weighed down with family dysfunction and responsibilities, he has no time for himself, let alone peculiar Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. Samuel remains aloof, yet her preoccupation with his writing erodes his disinterest.
Finally, Marlena reveals a story of her own about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are true, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet Samuel’s biggest obstacle is his own emotional fallout from repressed memories and facing up to his grandfather’s dementia. If he lets her walk out of his life, he will miss out on an exceptional woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
Ordinary life converges with extraordinary, when Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
I am seeking representation for this novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
What kind of girl can spear a fish at twenty feet and behead a garter snake with the throw of a knife? Shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley, has to wonder. Weighed down with family dysfunction and responsibilities, he has no time for himself, let alone peculiar Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. Samuel remains aloof, yet her preoccupation with his writing erodes his disinterest.
Finally, Marlena reveals a story of her own about a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island, and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched tales leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl. What he does not realize is that her stories are true, holding the key to his family’s ancestry and intertwining their pasts.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing best friend and confront suspicions over her motives. Yet Samuel’s biggest obstacle is his own emotional fallout from repressed memories and facing up to his grandfather’s dementia. If he lets her walk out of his life, he will miss out on an exceptional woman and becoming part of her astonishing story.
Ordinary life converges with extraordinary, when Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
I am seeking representation for this novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
May 19, 2009
QUERY --- RAINGUN (fifth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Everyone thinks Rick Rivoire’s a hero. He faced down ruthless musketeers and pirates attacking his hometown, so why wouldn't they? But he’s a heel! Earlier that same day, he brutishly humiliated an innocent girl, then begrudged her the credit she got for her own bravery. Rick struggles daily to rise above the childish spite from his own past abuse and romantic disappointments.
Rick needs to escape to a new life! He’s offered a place in a new cavalry regiment, one just for mages. When bad weather sidelines muskets and cannon, the “Rainguns” stay deadly, striking with magic from conjured steeds of shadow. But dangerous times are coming, and it will be hard to keep above the fray as the army’s factions form and turn against each other. Will joining the mysterious ranks of the Rainguns further Rick’s plans to better himself? Or will religious strife and conflicting loyalties force him to compromise his soul?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Everyone thinks Rick Rivoire’s a hero. He faced down ruthless musketeers and pirates attacking his hometown, so why wouldn't they? But he’s a heel! Earlier that same day, he brutishly humiliated an innocent girl, then begrudged her the credit she got for her own bravery. Rick struggles daily to rise above the childish spite from his own past abuse and romantic disappointments.
Rick needs to escape to a new life! He’s offered a place in a new cavalry regiment, one just for mages. When bad weather sidelines muskets and cannon, the “Rainguns” stay deadly, striking with magic from conjured steeds of shadow. But dangerous times are coming, and it will be hard to keep above the fray as the army’s factions form and turn against each other. Will joining the mysterious ranks of the Rainguns further Rick’s plans to better himself? Or will religious strife and conflicting loyalties force him to compromise his soul?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
May 15, 2009
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Click here to read the first revision.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—what he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry, and will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing friend, and confront suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay. If he does not, he could miss out on an extraordinary woman and becoming part of her incredible story.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on shipwright and aspiring novelist Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of a captain’s shipwreck, a pregnant woman’s survival on an uninhabited island and a girl’s rescue. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—what he does not realize is that her stories are autobiographical, holding the key to his family’s ancestry, and will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
If he risks pursuing her, he must compete with his womanizing friend, and confront suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay. If he does not, he could miss out on an extraordinary woman and becoming part of her incredible story.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for.
Thank you for your consideration.
Query- Story for a Shipwright (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of shipwreck and survival. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—he cannot possibly know she holds the key to his family’s past; that she will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
Samuel’s intrigue grows, and so do his feelings for Marlena. Now he must compete with his womanizing best friend, and quell his psychiatrist brother’s suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay.
If he pursues the relationship, he risks yet another failed romance, and complicates his already thorny life. Yet if he does not see it through, he will miss out on the most extraordinary woman, and incredible story he could ever imagine.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for. This character driven exploration, of our needs versus wants in a world where ordinary converges with extraordinary, resonates with all who have been at the crossroads of personal and familial reconciliation and discovery.
Thank you for your consideration.
I am seeking representation for my novel STORY FOR A SHIPWRIGHT, a work of commercial fiction complete at 82,000 words.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of shipwreck and survival. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—he cannot possibly know she holds the key to his family’s past; that she will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
Samuel’s intrigue grows, and so do his feelings for Marlena. Now he must compete with his womanizing best friend, and quell his psychiatrist brother’s suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay.
If he pursues the relationship, he risks yet another failed romance, and complicates his already thorny life. Yet if he does not see it through, he will miss out on the most extraordinary woman, and incredible story he could ever imagine.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for. This character driven exploration, of our needs versus wants in a world where ordinary converges with extraordinary, resonates with all who have been at the crossroads of personal and familial reconciliation and discovery.
Thank you for your consideration.
Query- Story for a Shipwright
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read the most recent revision.
I am seeking representation for Story for a Shipwright, a General Fiction novel with romantic undercurrents of 82,000 words.
Shipwreck is more than a metaphor, when a peculiar waif, harboring a century old secret, drifts into the stagnating life of a Maine shipwright.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of shipwreck and survival. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—he cannot possibly know she holds the key to his family’s past; that she will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
Samuel’s intrigue grows, and so do his feelings for Marlena. Now he must compete with his womanizing best friend, and quell his psychiatrist brother’s suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay.
If he pursues the relationship, he risks yet another failed romance, and complicates his already thorny life. Yet if he does not see it through, he will miss out on the most extraordinary woman, and incredible story he could ever imagine.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for. This character driven exploration, of our needs versus wants in a world where ordinary converges with extraordinary, resonates with all who have been at the crossroads of personal and familial reconciliation and discovery.
Thank you for your consideration.
First 4 Pages:
The faintest odor of diesel lingered in the salt air as I hurried from our bed-and-breakfast, across the dooryard toward the boathouse, just as I do every morning. Coffee in my mug warmed my hands; it’s aroma mingled with every breath, carried by the late frost congealing mud beneath my feet. As I stepped into a rut, rupturing a skin of ice, water splashed up and into my boot, and by the time I reached my destination, I felt damp and chilled from the drizzling rain.
To me, the air smelled like spring. Heavy, like mud. In the shop, it seemed to suspend everything—fine dust and particles, even time. When I’m working, I tend to lose track that way, and I can’t say for sure how long I had been running my sander—it could have been hours or perhaps only minutes—when I noticed an intruder. At first, I thought it might be my hired guy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t; unless he had taken up wearing skirts.
I doubt I would have noticed her at all except she managed to plant herself right there, in that spot where at high noon the sun shoots through that hole in the roof which won’t get fixed for a month. No one had seen the sun for two weeks, but in that moment, it split the clouds, thrust a shard through that narrow fissure and reflected off every hovering dust particle surrounding her. I hate to sound like a spiritualist, or worse yet, a romantic, but at first glance, she seemed like an apparition, haloed by glowing filaments of frizzed hair. Even the folds of her skirt were radiant. If not for her quirky suitcase, the size of a tackle box, I might have dropped to my knees.
Had I known her, I’m afraid I might have been right-out rude. I know everyone in this little town and tourists wouldn’t be showing up for another month. It occurred to me that she could be Mother’s new ‘Girl’; although, we had talked about it after the last one left and agreed that this year I would have at least some input in the selection process. Perhaps Mother made another one of her unilateral decisions and failed to mention it. Or maybe she did say something and I tuned her out the way I do when she begins wringing her hands. ‘Just add it to the list’ is what I usually tell her.
I suppose I expected impatience from this apparition, especially once the sun retreated and she was no longer ablaze. But she stood unperturbed and silent, as if she had been watching me for minutes, studying me without expectation, without concern over whether I would be so kind as to shut off the disk sander and acknowledge her. Which of course I did, but with my mother’s impatience.
“Are you looking for the bed-and-breakfast?” I shouted, as though my equipment were still running.
“I found it,” she said, “but no one’s around.”
At that moment, I remembered something about Mother taking Buck, my grandfather, to town. I know my eyes probably looked as if they were rolling right out of their sockets, belying my attempt to be nice, when I responded, “Why don’t you go wait on the front steps. Someone will be back soon.”
In spite of what came out abruptly, she smiled and walked away, apparently satisfied that I wasn’t trying to put her off unnecessarily; I mean, it was pretty obvious I couldn’t just drop everything. I pulled the respirator back over my face and started up the sander, but I continued watching her as she walked from the shadows out into the haze of the boatyard. In addition to her wild dark hair, which fell beyond her shoulders, I noticed she carried herself with the most nonchalant femininity I had ever seen. Just the same, I wasted no time, immersing myself in lists and deadlines, resolving to settle the hired help issue with Mother, later. Within minutes I had forgotten about her altogether. I figured that if she stayed on, she would be no different from all of Mother’s other Girls.
I had been up late, several nights in a row, scarfing that frame repair on a sloop I’d had in shop all winter. I don’t run a big operation, just a small family shipwright business handed down for generations, of which I am the seventh, and if life continues as is, the last. My regular guy, Mitch, was recovering from rotator cuff surgery, putting me as behind schedule as the arrival of spring. With only a few hours sleep, I started early at it again, finalizing the contour—real dusty work. Would love to have been doing it outside, but the boat is thirty immovable-feet long. Besides that, rain showers hadn’t let up for three days with no clear weather forecast for a week.
On the coast of Maine, the season following winter has less to do with a calendar date than it does the thaw—when ice melts, and mud takes over. We have spent the better part of five months suspended in the kind of cold that gnaws at our bones and blows through us, sucking breath from our lungs. So, when any weather resembling spring arrives, we lunge forward, only to trip headlong into the thick of mud season. It’s during this time of year that I work even longer and harder than usual, pushing to get boats in the water by Memorial Day.
Therefore, I worked without a break, the way I do once I’m into a project, right on through lunchtime. When I finally emerged, and only at the insistence of hunger pangs, I noticed the girl, still waiting on the front steps. I then realized Mother hadn’t returned with the car, that Buck’s appointment at the clinic must have involved an unusually long wait. Suddenly, I felt bad. She had been sitting under scant cover of the porch during intermittent downpours for at least several hours.
As I approached, plodding through deep and unavoidable furrows of softening earth, I noticed her reading, using that little suitcase as a desk in her lap. She glanced up at me with delight, as if only minutes had passed, not hours. And, she was smiling, which put me on edge. I was all at once aware of my disheveled appearance, but didn’t even bother brushing the dust from my thinning hair.
Embarrassed by my miscalculation, and knowing I couldn’t ignore her, I veered toward the stoop. She stuffed her book into a duffel bag as I approached, and when she stood, I hoped my reaction to her outfit didn’t show as a smirk on my face. Honestly, she looked like an orphan in her oversized clothes, anklet socks, and muddied white sneakers with mismatched laces. Not that I qualify as any kind of fashion critic, but she was about as poorly put together as the crew I’ve seen climb out of the daytrip van from the County Institution.
“I’m sorry,” I said, hoping to sound sincere, “I honestly thought my mother would be back sooner. I’m surprised she didn’t mention you were coming.” It would have been unnecessarily rude to tell her that I completely forgot she existed.
“It’s okay…I’m sort of unexpected. I didn’t make a reservation.” Dispelling my assumption that she was Mother’s new Girl, she continued, “Do I need a reservation to get a room for a week or two?”
In disbelief, I stared long enough to make her uncomfortable. “We aren’t open to guests for another month,” I said, “it’s right in our brochure.”
She winced. “Oh—I guess I don’t have one of those.”
I forced civility through my impatience. “Well, sorry…Can’t really help you there.”
For a moment, her expression went blank, turning to an embarrassed smile. She said,
“Okay…I’ll just come back in a month,” as if it weren’t any inconvenience at all. Then she looked at me with some unaccounted for familiarity, and said, “You’re Samuel Wesley.”
I gave her a squint and a nod, certain we had never met. I would have pursued it, but frankly, I didn’t want to encourage conversation.
Click here to read the most recent revision.
I am seeking representation for Story for a Shipwright, a General Fiction novel with romantic undercurrents of 82,000 words.
Shipwreck is more than a metaphor, when a peculiar waif, harboring a century old secret, drifts into the stagnating life of a Maine shipwright.
Family dysfunction and responsibilities weigh on Samuel Wesley; he has no time for himself, let alone naïve Marlena, hired to stay on at his mother’s bed & breakfast. A story within a story develops when she reveals a tale of shipwreck and survival. Her farfetched stories leave Samuel wondering if they are merely the imaginings of a delusional girl—he cannot possibly know she holds the key to his family’s past; that she will launch him into recollections of his own repressed memories.
Samuel’s intrigue grows, and so do his feelings for Marlena. Now he must compete with his womanizing best friend, and quell his psychiatrist brother’s suspicions over her motives, while keeping his own emotional fallout at bay.
If he pursues the relationship, he risks yet another failed romance, and complicates his already thorny life. Yet if he does not see it through, he will miss out on the most extraordinary woman, and incredible story he could ever imagine.
Marlena and Samuel, through their own unique perceptions, help each other find the home and love we are all looking for. This character driven exploration, of our needs versus wants in a world where ordinary converges with extraordinary, resonates with all who have been at the crossroads of personal and familial reconciliation and discovery.
Thank you for your consideration.
First 4 Pages:
The faintest odor of diesel lingered in the salt air as I hurried from our bed-and-breakfast, across the dooryard toward the boathouse, just as I do every morning. Coffee in my mug warmed my hands; it’s aroma mingled with every breath, carried by the late frost congealing mud beneath my feet. As I stepped into a rut, rupturing a skin of ice, water splashed up and into my boot, and by the time I reached my destination, I felt damp and chilled from the drizzling rain.
To me, the air smelled like spring. Heavy, like mud. In the shop, it seemed to suspend everything—fine dust and particles, even time. When I’m working, I tend to lose track that way, and I can’t say for sure how long I had been running my sander—it could have been hours or perhaps only minutes—when I noticed an intruder. At first, I thought it might be my hired guy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t; unless he had taken up wearing skirts.
I doubt I would have noticed her at all except she managed to plant herself right there, in that spot where at high noon the sun shoots through that hole in the roof which won’t get fixed for a month. No one had seen the sun for two weeks, but in that moment, it split the clouds, thrust a shard through that narrow fissure and reflected off every hovering dust particle surrounding her. I hate to sound like a spiritualist, or worse yet, a romantic, but at first glance, she seemed like an apparition, haloed by glowing filaments of frizzed hair. Even the folds of her skirt were radiant. If not for her quirky suitcase, the size of a tackle box, I might have dropped to my knees.
Had I known her, I’m afraid I might have been right-out rude. I know everyone in this little town and tourists wouldn’t be showing up for another month. It occurred to me that she could be Mother’s new ‘Girl’; although, we had talked about it after the last one left and agreed that this year I would have at least some input in the selection process. Perhaps Mother made another one of her unilateral decisions and failed to mention it. Or maybe she did say something and I tuned her out the way I do when she begins wringing her hands. ‘Just add it to the list’ is what I usually tell her.
I suppose I expected impatience from this apparition, especially once the sun retreated and she was no longer ablaze. But she stood unperturbed and silent, as if she had been watching me for minutes, studying me without expectation, without concern over whether I would be so kind as to shut off the disk sander and acknowledge her. Which of course I did, but with my mother’s impatience.
“Are you looking for the bed-and-breakfast?” I shouted, as though my equipment were still running.
“I found it,” she said, “but no one’s around.”
At that moment, I remembered something about Mother taking Buck, my grandfather, to town. I know my eyes probably looked as if they were rolling right out of their sockets, belying my attempt to be nice, when I responded, “Why don’t you go wait on the front steps. Someone will be back soon.”
In spite of what came out abruptly, she smiled and walked away, apparently satisfied that I wasn’t trying to put her off unnecessarily; I mean, it was pretty obvious I couldn’t just drop everything. I pulled the respirator back over my face and started up the sander, but I continued watching her as she walked from the shadows out into the haze of the boatyard. In addition to her wild dark hair, which fell beyond her shoulders, I noticed she carried herself with the most nonchalant femininity I had ever seen. Just the same, I wasted no time, immersing myself in lists and deadlines, resolving to settle the hired help issue with Mother, later. Within minutes I had forgotten about her altogether. I figured that if she stayed on, she would be no different from all of Mother’s other Girls.
I had been up late, several nights in a row, scarfing that frame repair on a sloop I’d had in shop all winter. I don’t run a big operation, just a small family shipwright business handed down for generations, of which I am the seventh, and if life continues as is, the last. My regular guy, Mitch, was recovering from rotator cuff surgery, putting me as behind schedule as the arrival of spring. With only a few hours sleep, I started early at it again, finalizing the contour—real dusty work. Would love to have been doing it outside, but the boat is thirty immovable-feet long. Besides that, rain showers hadn’t let up for three days with no clear weather forecast for a week.
On the coast of Maine, the season following winter has less to do with a calendar date than it does the thaw—when ice melts, and mud takes over. We have spent the better part of five months suspended in the kind of cold that gnaws at our bones and blows through us, sucking breath from our lungs. So, when any weather resembling spring arrives, we lunge forward, only to trip headlong into the thick of mud season. It’s during this time of year that I work even longer and harder than usual, pushing to get boats in the water by Memorial Day.
Therefore, I worked without a break, the way I do once I’m into a project, right on through lunchtime. When I finally emerged, and only at the insistence of hunger pangs, I noticed the girl, still waiting on the front steps. I then realized Mother hadn’t returned with the car, that Buck’s appointment at the clinic must have involved an unusually long wait. Suddenly, I felt bad. She had been sitting under scant cover of the porch during intermittent downpours for at least several hours.
As I approached, plodding through deep and unavoidable furrows of softening earth, I noticed her reading, using that little suitcase as a desk in her lap. She glanced up at me with delight, as if only minutes had passed, not hours. And, she was smiling, which put me on edge. I was all at once aware of my disheveled appearance, but didn’t even bother brushing the dust from my thinning hair.
Embarrassed by my miscalculation, and knowing I couldn’t ignore her, I veered toward the stoop. She stuffed her book into a duffel bag as I approached, and when she stood, I hoped my reaction to her outfit didn’t show as a smirk on my face. Honestly, she looked like an orphan in her oversized clothes, anklet socks, and muddied white sneakers with mismatched laces. Not that I qualify as any kind of fashion critic, but she was about as poorly put together as the crew I’ve seen climb out of the daytrip van from the County Institution.
“I’m sorry,” I said, hoping to sound sincere, “I honestly thought my mother would be back sooner. I’m surprised she didn’t mention you were coming.” It would have been unnecessarily rude to tell her that I completely forgot she existed.
“It’s okay…I’m sort of unexpected. I didn’t make a reservation.” Dispelling my assumption that she was Mother’s new Girl, she continued, “Do I need a reservation to get a room for a week or two?”
In disbelief, I stared long enough to make her uncomfortable. “We aren’t open to guests for another month,” I said, “it’s right in our brochure.”
She winced. “Oh—I guess I don’t have one of those.”
I forced civility through my impatience. “Well, sorry…Can’t really help you there.”
For a moment, her expression went blank, turning to an embarrassed smile. She said,
“Okay…I’ll just come back in a month,” as if it weren’t any inconvenience at all. Then she looked at me with some unaccounted for familiarity, and said, “You’re Samuel Wesley.”
I gave her a squint and a nod, certain we had never met. I would have pursued it, but frankly, I didn’t want to encourage conversation.
May 14, 2009
RAINGUN --- (fourth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Even while defending neighbors from ruthless musketeers and bloodthirsty pirates, mage Rick Rivoire worries that he’s slipping into evil. His brutish humiliation of an innocent girl, and his private resentment of the credit due her for her own bravery, taints Rick’s apparent heroism. His early life’s disappointments haunt him relentlessly.
Rick resolves to remake himself with a new life. To escape the old, he joins a new cavalry regiment: one just for mages. Fighting with magic astride conjured spectral mounts, these "Rainguns" shine when bad weather disables muskets and cannon. But Rick’s orders go beyond what he expects. He is tasked not only to defend his people from evil forces, but also to support emerging policies of slavery and religious persecution. Will joining the Rainguns further Rick's plans to better himself? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Even while defending neighbors from ruthless musketeers and bloodthirsty pirates, mage Rick Rivoire worries that he’s slipping into evil. His brutish humiliation of an innocent girl, and his private resentment of the credit due her for her own bravery, taints Rick’s apparent heroism. His early life’s disappointments haunt him relentlessly.
Rick resolves to remake himself with a new life. To escape the old, he joins a new cavalry regiment: one just for mages. Fighting with magic astride conjured spectral mounts, these "Rainguns" shine when bad weather disables muskets and cannon. But Rick’s orders go beyond what he expects. He is tasked not only to defend his people from evil forces, but also to support emerging policies of slavery and religious persecution. Will joining the Rainguns further Rick's plans to better himself? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
QUERY --- RAINGUN (third revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Even while defending neighbors from ruthless musketeers and bloodthirsty pirates, mage Rick Rivoire wonders if he’s slipping right past permanent bitterness, and straight into evil. His apparent heroism feels tainted by ulterior resentments. His brutish humiliation of an innocent girl earlier that same day, haunts him. His past abuse, the neglect of his childhood, and his romantic disappointments hound his thoughts relentlessly.
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture at age nine, Rick resolves to remake himself with a new life. To escape the old, he joins a new cavalry regiment. One just for mages. They attack with magic, astride their conjured spectral mounts. These "Rainguns" shine when bad weather disables muskets and cannon.
But once signed up, Rick finds his orders to be more than he bargained for. He is tasked to not only defend his nation’s settlements from evil forces, but also to aid the powerful Governors-General’s emerging practices of slavery and religious persecution. Will joining the mysterious ranks of the Rainguns further Rick's plans to become better than he is? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Even while defending neighbors from ruthless musketeers and bloodthirsty pirates, mage Rick Rivoire wonders if he’s slipping right past permanent bitterness, and straight into evil. His apparent heroism feels tainted by ulterior resentments. His brutish humiliation of an innocent girl earlier that same day, haunts him. His past abuse, the neglect of his childhood, and his romantic disappointments hound his thoughts relentlessly.
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture at age nine, Rick resolves to remake himself with a new life. To escape the old, he joins a new cavalry regiment. One just for mages. They attack with magic, astride their conjured spectral mounts. These "Rainguns" shine when bad weather disables muskets and cannon.
But once signed up, Rick finds his orders to be more than he bargained for. He is tasked to not only defend his nation’s settlements from evil forces, but also to aid the powerful Governors-General’s emerging practices of slavery and religious persecution. Will joining the mysterious ranks of the Rainguns further Rick's plans to become better than he is? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
May 13, 2009
QUERY --- RAINGUN (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Rick Rivoire wonders: is he slipping into permanent bitterness, or perhaps beyond, into evil?
Rick fights back with his magic when his coastal hometown is attacked. But even while defending neighbors from a ruthless Admiral's musketeers and gangs of bloodthirsty pirates, he feels his apparent heroism undermined by ulterior resentments. Haunted by his memory from earlier that same day, of callously humiliating an innocent girl, he considers the abuse, neglect and loss that marred his childhood.
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture at age nine, Rick resolves to remake his life. His first step is joining a new cavalry regiment. One just for mages. They attack with magic, astride spectral mounts they conjure themselves. These "Rainguns" shine when bad weather disables muskets and cannon.
Of course, an army makes many demands of its cavalry. Rick is tasked to defend his nation from evil forces, but also to enforce the will of the powerful Governors-General. Will joining the mysterious ranks of the Rainguns further Rick's plans to become better than he is? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Rick Rivoire wonders: is he slipping into permanent bitterness, or perhaps beyond, into evil?
Rick fights back with his magic when his coastal hometown is attacked. But even while defending neighbors from a ruthless Admiral's musketeers and gangs of bloodthirsty pirates, he feels his apparent heroism undermined by ulterior resentments. Haunted by his memory from earlier that same day, of callously humiliating an innocent girl, he considers the abuse, neglect and loss that marred his childhood.
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture at age nine, Rick resolves to remake his life. His first step is joining a new cavalry regiment. One just for mages. They attack with magic, astride spectral mounts they conjure themselves. These "Rainguns" shine when bad weather disables muskets and cannon.
Of course, an army makes many demands of its cavalry. Rick is tasked to defend his nation from evil forces, but also to enforce the will of the powerful Governors-General. Will joining the mysterious ranks of the Rainguns further Rick's plans to become better than he is? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. Thank you for your valuable time!
May 12, 2009
QUERY --- RAINGUN (1st revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
Rick Rivoire’s childhood was marred by abuse, neglect and loss. As a man, he doesn’t think much of its effect on him until the day his coastal hometown is attacked, by a ruthless Admiral's musketeers from one side and a gang of bloodthirsty pirates from the other. He fights back with his magic, struggling to act courageously, but he feels his apparent heroism diluted by ulterior motives. He is haunted by a memory from earlier that same day, of callously humiliating an innocent girl, and wonders: Is he allowing his past misfortunes to drag him down into permanent bitterness, or perhaps beyond, into evil?
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture as a child, Rick resolves to remake his life. His first step is to join a new cavalry regiment, just for mages. On battlefields crowded with archers and pikemen, these "Rainguns" come into their own when bad weather disables muskets and cannon, attacking from the backs of spectral mounts they conjure themselves. Will joining their mysterious ranks further Rick's plans to become better than he is? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. My fantasy platform includes the roles of author, editor and lead developer of many gaming supplements for the genre. These achievements were profitable, spanned several years, and received positive reviews.
Thank you for your valuable time!
Click here to read the second revision.
Rick Rivoire’s childhood was marred by abuse, neglect and loss. As a man, he doesn’t think much of its effect on him until the day his coastal hometown is attacked, by a ruthless Admiral's musketeers from one side and a gang of bloodthirsty pirates from the other. He fights back with his magic, struggling to act courageously, but he feels his apparent heroism diluted by ulterior motives. He is haunted by a memory from earlier that same day, of callously humiliating an innocent girl, and wonders: Is he allowing his past misfortunes to drag him down into permanent bitterness, or perhaps beyond, into evil?
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture as a child, Rick resolves to remake his life. His first step is to join a new cavalry regiment, just for mages. On battlefields crowded with archers and pikemen, these "Rainguns" come into their own when bad weather disables muskets and cannon, attacking from the backs of spectral mounts they conjure themselves. Will joining their mysterious ranks further Rick's plans to become better than he is? Or thwart them?
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. My fantasy platform includes the roles of author, editor and lead developer of many gaming supplements for the genre. These achievements were profitable, spanned several years, and received positive reviews.
Thank you for your valuable time!
May 11, 2009
QUERY --- RAINGUN
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Rick Rivoire’s childhood was marred by abuse, neglect and loss. As a man, he doesn’t think much of its effect on him until the day he defends his hometown, simultaneously attacked by two enemy forces. He acts courageously, but ulterior motives dilute his apparent heroism. He is haunted by a memory from earlier that same day, of callously humiliating an innocent girl. Is he allowing his past misfortunes to drag him down into permanent bitterness, or perhaps beyond, to evil?
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture as a child, Rick resolves to remake his life. His first step is to join the army, in a new cavalry regiment just for mages: the Rainguns.
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. My fantasy platform includes the roles of author, editor and lead developer of many gaming supplements for the genre. These achievements were profitable, spanned several years, and received positive reviews. Moreover, my past career as journalist (and present career as an attorney) have supplied me with substantial writing experience, as well as the ever-useful thick skin.
Thank you for your valuable time!
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Rick Rivoire’s childhood was marred by abuse, neglect and loss. As a man, he doesn’t think much of its effect on him until the day he defends his hometown, simultaneously attacked by two enemy forces. He acts courageously, but ulterior motives dilute his apparent heroism. He is haunted by a memory from earlier that same day, of callously humiliating an innocent girl. Is he allowing his past misfortunes to drag him down into permanent bitterness, or perhaps beyond, to evil?
Determined not to disappoint the valiant swordswoman who rescued him from torture as a child, Rick resolves to remake his life. His first step is to join the army, in a new cavalry regiment just for mages: the Rainguns.
RAINGUN is an adult fantasy novel of 84,000 words. My fantasy platform includes the roles of author, editor and lead developer of many gaming supplements for the genre. These achievements were profitable, spanned several years, and received positive reviews. Moreover, my past career as journalist (and present career as an attorney) have supplied me with substantial writing experience, as well as the ever-useful thick skin.
Thank you for your valuable time!
May 7, 2009
Query- Sulham Close
Dear Agent,
The Residents of Sulham Close have a terrible secret. Trapped by a curse they’re unable to revoke, they receive prosperity, good fortune, and immortality in return for providing a yearly sacrifice to demonic deity who resides on the other side of a portal.
Mark lives on the streets of Reading, earning enough by busking to keep himself in Strongbow. Pete saunters into his life with an offer he can’t refuse – a warm bed, free food, and a chance to ditch the booze. Tricked into staying the night at Pete’s secluded cottage and oblivious of the chithons, the diety’s minions, soon coming to take him over to the Otherside, Mark smuggles in Louisa, his pregnant girlfriend. A race against time ensues with midnight, the time of the chithons’ arrival, fast approaching. The neighbours attempt a rescue and drag Louisa from the cottage. Now in labour, they take her inside another house as Mark’s screams fill the night. Louisa was in the house as midnight struck, and the chithons emerging from the Otherside want their other sacrifice. But Pete is sabotaging his neighbours’ efforts to save the girl.
A hasty caesarean is performed on Louisa, and the baby hidden as the chithons storm the house and seize the dying girl. Amelia cuddles Hope, the baby, as the creatures disappear for another year.
Sulham Close is a 30,000 word horror novella and middle instalment of a five book series. The other books chronicle the origins of the curse, the murder of one of the residents, and Pete’s evolution into a serial killer. The dramatic conclusion features Hope, the baby born in Sulham Close, on the cusp of turning twenty as she passes through to the Otherside and battles the deity.
I have been writing seriously for several years. My novel, Coombe’s Wood, was runner-up in YouWriteOn’s 2008 Book of the Year Award, and was a semi-finalist in the 2009 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. My published short stories and poems include work in Twisted Tongue magazine and UKAuthors Anthologies, and a series of children’s stories in La Fenetre. The manuscript of my novel The Crocodile was short-listed in the Undiscovered Authors 2006 competition.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
May 5, 2009
Query - The Brigid
In this 80,000 word urban fantasy, The Brigid, one man's lack of faith in his unseen heritage may be the weakness that destroys the entire world, starting with those closest to him.
They are brothers. Twins. They live in the white world, but a piece of them belongs to their mother's people, the Nez Perce. CALEB accepts that piece of himself, but MIKA's doubts haunt him. Does he really have a spirit guide, or is the voice he hears in his head merely intuition?
Into their lives comes a beautiful woman with no memory and frightening enemies who stretch the brothers' credulity—the beautiful but terrifying creatures she says are Tuatha de dannan. Her friends, like the wee man who smokes a dragonbone pipe and who just might be a leprechaun, are equally unbelievable.
In order to save not just the world of the mysterious stranger, who both brothers are starting to fall in love with, but their own world as well, Mika must learn to believe and Caleb must learn to see his own worth outside of his brother's shadow.
They are brothers. Twins. They live in the white world, but a piece of them belongs to their mother's people, the Nez Perce. CALEB accepts that piece of himself, but MIKA's doubts haunt him. Does he really have a spirit guide, or is the voice he hears in his head merely intuition?
Into their lives comes a beautiful woman with no memory and frightening enemies who stretch the brothers' credulity—the beautiful but terrifying creatures she says are Tuatha de dannan. Her friends, like the wee man who smokes a dragonbone pipe and who just might be a leprechaun, are equally unbelievable.
In order to save not just the world of the mysterious stranger, who both brothers are starting to fall in love with, but their own world as well, Mika must learn to believe and Caleb must learn to see his own worth outside of his brother's shadow.
May 4, 2009
Query - Immortalis
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Mr./ Mrs. Agent,
IMMORTALIS is a 78,000 word urban fantasy about a newly turned vampire fighting to accept and keep an immortal life she never wanted.
Alyssa had a regular, numbingly routine life, until one bad night changed everything. After a brutal mugging, Alyssa was moments from death. Fortunately, a stranger, Lysander, came to her rescue, bringing with him the gift of immortality. There's only one problem, Alyssa didn’t want to be a vampire.
Alyssa has problems with the fact that she now has to kill, drink blood, and stay out of the sun. But before she has a chance to come to terms with what she’s become, Alyssa is brought before Kallisto, a rancorous vampire coven mistress. Alyssa finds out, she and Lysander have been marked for death for breaking an ancient coven law: Humans must be approved before being turned into vampires. Kallisto uses this opportunity to get revenge on Lysander, her old lover. She gives Alyssa a cruel choice, kill Lysander and keep her immortality, or die with him. Before Alyssa can act on her decision, Kallisto’s coven is attacked by hunters from the Acta Sanctorum.
Few will survive this attack. If Alyssa wants to keep her newfound immortality, she will have to learn to accept what she is and trust Lysander. Together they will have to fight both Kallisto and the Acta Sanctorum.
I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author.
Dear Mr./ Mrs. Agent,
IMMORTALIS is a 78,000 word urban fantasy about a newly turned vampire fighting to accept and keep an immortal life she never wanted.
Alyssa had a regular, numbingly routine life, until one bad night changed everything. After a brutal mugging, Alyssa was moments from death. Fortunately, a stranger, Lysander, came to her rescue, bringing with him the gift of immortality. There's only one problem, Alyssa didn’t want to be a vampire.
Alyssa has problems with the fact that she now has to kill, drink blood, and stay out of the sun. But before she has a chance to come to terms with what she’s become, Alyssa is brought before Kallisto, a rancorous vampire coven mistress. Alyssa finds out, she and Lysander have been marked for death for breaking an ancient coven law: Humans must be approved before being turned into vampires. Kallisto uses this opportunity to get revenge on Lysander, her old lover. She gives Alyssa a cruel choice, kill Lysander and keep her immortality, or die with him. Before Alyssa can act on her decision, Kallisto’s coven is attacked by hunters from the Acta Sanctorum.
Few will survive this attack. If Alyssa wants to keep her newfound immortality, she will have to learn to accept what she is and trust Lysander. Together they will have to fight both Kallisto and the Acta Sanctorum.
I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author.
May 1, 2009
Query- Krelis (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Once every century, Comet Orel blazes across the sky opening an opportunity to imbue dragon stones with the souls of deceased dragons, creating powerful talismans. The time is approaching for this celestial event.
Krelis, a human wizard, and his peers set out in search of the dragon stones at the request of their mentor, Antigonus, leaving their home behind. The journey is filled with dangerous creatures, people, and dragons, but they return to their beloved home successful. With the power of the dragon stones in their hands, Antigonus’ dream becomes reality; a world of peace replaces the world of conflict and prosperity reigns.
But the power proves to be too enticing, corrupting one of Krelis’ peers. One by one, the wizards are murdered, the stones are disappearing, and Krelis is destined to destroy the source of the betrayal.
KRELIS is an 80,000 word, young adult fantasy.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Once every century, Comet Orel blazes across the sky opening an opportunity to imbue dragon stones with the souls of deceased dragons, creating powerful talismans. The time is approaching for this celestial event.
Krelis, a human wizard, and his peers set out in search of the dragon stones at the request of their mentor, Antigonus, leaving their home behind. The journey is filled with dangerous creatures, people, and dragons, but they return to their beloved home successful. With the power of the dragon stones in their hands, Antigonus’ dream becomes reality; a world of peace replaces the world of conflict and prosperity reigns.
But the power proves to be too enticing, corrupting one of Krelis’ peers. One by one, the wizards are murdered, the stones are disappearing, and Krelis is destined to destroy the source of the betrayal.
KRELIS is an 80,000 word, young adult fantasy.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Apr 29, 2009
Got Genre?
Occasionally people submit queries without stating the genre in them. I label these queries as "Guess the Genre." I've also seen revisions come through where the genre changes.
Do you struggle to define the genre for your novel?
Maybe you're trying to think like an agent, or like a publisher. It can be tough for a novice writer to really see inside their heads. But picking the right genre can be simple. Just think like a reader:
If you went to buy your book at the bookstore, where would you go to look for it?
Bookstores are divided up into sections. Where would you go to look for your funny but heartwarming tale of love? Humor, literary fiction, or romance?
Go to a couple bookstores and look at the books on the shelves where you think yours should be. When you get there, pick a couple and read the jacket copy. Think about your query, and think about your manuscript:
Does it fit in? And more importantly, does it stand out?
If you really want to get down and dirty, look at the acknowledgements in a few of the books. Agent names are usually listed. Add them to your query list if they are not already there.
Oh...and good luck!
Do you struggle to define the genre for your novel?
Maybe you're trying to think like an agent, or like a publisher. It can be tough for a novice writer to really see inside their heads. But picking the right genre can be simple. Just think like a reader:
If you went to buy your book at the bookstore, where would you go to look for it?
Bookstores are divided up into sections. Where would you go to look for your funny but heartwarming tale of love? Humor, literary fiction, or romance?
Go to a couple bookstores and look at the books on the shelves where you think yours should be. When you get there, pick a couple and read the jacket copy. Think about your query, and think about your manuscript:
Does it fit in? And more importantly, does it stand out?
If you really want to get down and dirty, look at the acknowledgements in a few of the books. Agent names are usually listed. Add them to your query list if they are not already there.
Oh...and good luck!
Query- Seven-Inch Vinyl -Revision 2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the birth of Rock and Roll music!
As young Joseph Rabinowitz, a New York teenager, trains in Kentucky for combat in the Korean Conflict he is introduced to a new brand of music called Rhythm & Blues. We’ll follow Joseph and a wealth of other fictional characters for sixteen years as the music evolves into something called Rock and Roll and changes the lives of generations of young men and women and with it the course of the nation and the world.
Joseph’s rise through the music business will take him from an employee in a record store in the Bronx, to the founder of an independent record company and on to a legendary songwriter and producer. When the British Invasion of musical artists cripples the American music scene, Joseph will lose it all and slip into quiet mediocrity until, in 1969, when he stages a triumphant re-union concert of artists heralding the beginning of the “oldies but goodies” era which still flourishes today.
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, transitions between real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 137,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the birth of Rock and Roll music!
As young Joseph Rabinowitz, a New York teenager, trains in Kentucky for combat in the Korean Conflict he is introduced to a new brand of music called Rhythm & Blues. We’ll follow Joseph and a wealth of other fictional characters for sixteen years as the music evolves into something called Rock and Roll and changes the lives of generations of young men and women and with it the course of the nation and the world.
Joseph’s rise through the music business will take him from an employee in a record store in the Bronx, to the founder of an independent record company and on to a legendary songwriter and producer. When the British Invasion of musical artists cripples the American music scene, Joseph will lose it all and slip into quiet mediocrity until, in 1969, when he stages a triumphant re-union concert of artists heralding the beginning of the “oldies but goodies” era which still flourishes today.
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, transitions between real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 137,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Apr 28, 2009
Middle-Grades Novel Submission Query: The Mighty Pickles
Dear [Agent],
Fourth-grader Reece is determined to join her friends on the local softball team. She has no experience hitting, or catching, or throwing a ball, but that isn’t going to stop her any more than her rapid discovery that she has no ability, either. Still, she makes the team – after all, the league has a no-cut policy.
Calling themselves the Firebolts, the team starts practicing. They begin a season that promises more losses than wins. But the Firebolts have three good infielders, a few solid hitters, an unflappable coach – and Reece. What can Reece contribute besides her fear at bat, her clumsiness in right field, and her tart sense of humor?
A sense of humor, it turns out, is a significant asset. She renames the team the Pickles, and somehow the silly name, along with the building camaraderie among the girls, starts the team on a winning streak. Reece gradually gains confidence by encouraging her teammates. She learns to make the most of what she has, her sense of humor and honesty, and of what she lacks – height, as her small strike zone leads to walks.
The Pickles squeak by into the league playoffs... and the team falls apart under the pressure. It’s up to Reece to pull the team together again by standing up for a disliked teammate, using everything she’s learned during the season. She can’t make a difference with her bat or her glove, but she discovers she has inner resources at least as important.
Join Reece and the Mighty Pickles on their improbable march toward the championship game.
The completed manuscript is about 42,500 words.
I am a first-time fiction author, although I have written a number of professional trade-journal articles. I recently (semi-)retired after 25+ years in the high-tech industry; I continue to do some consulting and technical writing in addition to authoring middle-grades fiction.
Thank you in advance for considering this proposal.
Steven B. Levy (writing as Steven Brant)
[The first few pages will be posted at http://TheMightyPickles.com.]
Fourth-grader Reece is determined to join her friends on the local softball team. She has no experience hitting, or catching, or throwing a ball, but that isn’t going to stop her any more than her rapid discovery that she has no ability, either. Still, she makes the team – after all, the league has a no-cut policy.
Calling themselves the Firebolts, the team starts practicing. They begin a season that promises more losses than wins. But the Firebolts have three good infielders, a few solid hitters, an unflappable coach – and Reece. What can Reece contribute besides her fear at bat, her clumsiness in right field, and her tart sense of humor?
A sense of humor, it turns out, is a significant asset. She renames the team the Pickles, and somehow the silly name, along with the building camaraderie among the girls, starts the team on a winning streak. Reece gradually gains confidence by encouraging her teammates. She learns to make the most of what she has, her sense of humor and honesty, and of what she lacks – height, as her small strike zone leads to walks.
The Pickles squeak by into the league playoffs... and the team falls apart under the pressure. It’s up to Reece to pull the team together again by standing up for a disliked teammate, using everything she’s learned during the season. She can’t make a difference with her bat or her glove, but she discovers she has inner resources at least as important.
Join Reece and the Mighty Pickles on their improbable march toward the championship game.
The completed manuscript is about 42,500 words.
I am a first-time fiction author, although I have written a number of professional trade-journal articles. I recently (semi-)retired after 25+ years in the high-tech industry; I continue to do some consulting and technical writing in addition to authoring middle-grades fiction.
Thank you in advance for considering this proposal.
Steven B. Levy (writing as Steven Brant)
[The first few pages will be posted at http://TheMightyPickles.com.]
Query - Quest Support (Second Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent),
Gilbert Gaberlunzie thinks most Heroes are morons. They’d be nothing without his help, because he works at Quest Support, a tech support hotline for people on Quests. Even though Gilbert knows the adventuring routine better than any of the idiots who call him, he’s satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t quite work out that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets the Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert sets out on a journey to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
Complete at 94,000 words, QUEST SUPPORT will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on the familiar fantasy formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent),
Gilbert Gaberlunzie thinks most Heroes are morons. They’d be nothing without his help, because he works at Quest Support, a tech support hotline for people on Quests. Even though Gilbert knows the adventuring routine better than any of the idiots who call him, he’s satisfied where he is. He loves…well, tolerates his job, and wants nothing more than to sit in his cubicle and drink coffee.
Things don’t quite work out that way. When Gilbert accidentally gets the Hero killed during the Final Battle with the Dark Lord, he puts the whole world in peril and loses his job to boot. Since his knowledge of fantasy clichés isn’t good for much else, Gilbert sets out on a journey to defeat the Dark Lord himself and set things right. His feet may hurt and he may be hopeless with a sword, but Gilbert is sure he’s ready for anything the genre throws at him, whether it’s elves, goblins, an oracle, or those giant spiders that always live in caves. But can he handle the inevitable Plot Twist?
Complete at 94,000 words, QUEST SUPPORT will appeal to readers looking for a quirky spin on the familiar fantasy formula, or anyone who’s ever wondered when Heroes wash their socks.
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Apr 27, 2009
Query - Gambling on Love
In this 90,000 word contemporary romantic comedy, GAMBLING ON LOVE, it's a case of the blind leading the blind when dating-impaired Galveston concierge Rachel McKnight agrees to play Henry Higgins for equally dating-inept gambler Mac MacAllister.
Rachel is a compulsive fixer—a handy trait for the Galveston hotel concierge; not so wonderful in the dating world.
Recently divorced Mac doesn't understand why lines like "Wanna get naked?" aren't getting him any dates. He wants Rachel to fix his approach to women, but dating is the one area of life Rachel hasn't been able to figure out. Turning down Mac's plea to "fix him" is like a junkie turning away from a heroin fix, but Rachel manages to do the honorable thing. Right up until she learns her mother expects her to bring a date to her brother's wedding. If she doesn't, she risks her mother meddling in her love life.
So Rachel and Mac make a deal. He'll play the attentive beau if she'll coach him on how to successfully approach women.
Escorting Rachel to the wedding creates its own complications when Mac realizes that the kisses he wants can only be found on Rachel's lips. This unexpected development leads him to discover Rachel's darkest secret and the intimacy issues that have kept her alone.
Now it's his turn to teach her. If she can't learn to trust him, she'll never have the family she yearns for, and Mac will always wonder what might have been.
Gambling on Love should appeal to readers of Jennifer Crusie and Rachel Gibson. I hope you will find Gambling on Love worth a closer look. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Rachel is a compulsive fixer—a handy trait for the Galveston hotel concierge; not so wonderful in the dating world.
Recently divorced Mac doesn't understand why lines like "Wanna get naked?" aren't getting him any dates. He wants Rachel to fix his approach to women, but dating is the one area of life Rachel hasn't been able to figure out. Turning down Mac's plea to "fix him" is like a junkie turning away from a heroin fix, but Rachel manages to do the honorable thing. Right up until she learns her mother expects her to bring a date to her brother's wedding. If she doesn't, she risks her mother meddling in her love life.
So Rachel and Mac make a deal. He'll play the attentive beau if she'll coach him on how to successfully approach women.
Escorting Rachel to the wedding creates its own complications when Mac realizes that the kisses he wants can only be found on Rachel's lips. This unexpected development leads him to discover Rachel's darkest secret and the intimacy issues that have kept her alone.
Now it's his turn to teach her. If she can't learn to trust him, she'll never have the family she yearns for, and Mac will always wonder what might have been.
Gambling on Love should appeal to readers of Jennifer Crusie and Rachel Gibson. I hope you will find Gambling on Love worth a closer look. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Query- Seven-Inch Vinyl Revision 1
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz, a young man who is introduced to R&B music while in the army in Kentucky training for the Korean Conflict and a wealth of other fictional characters. Joseph’s rise through the music business first as an employee at a record store, then as the owner of an independent record company and on as he becomes a legendary songwriter and record producer will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert in 1969 proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Click here to read the second revision.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz, a young man who is introduced to R&B music while in the army in Kentucky training for the Korean Conflict and a wealth of other fictional characters. Joseph’s rise through the music business first as an employee at a record store, then as the owner of an independent record company and on as he becomes a legendary songwriter and record producer will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert in 1969 proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in Peace Magazine, as well as two articles published in The Las Vegas Tribune and LaVoce monthly newspaper and one published in Golden Oldies Forever, a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE - REVISION #1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
In THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE, three childhood friends, now mothers in their late thirties, commit an act of vigilantism against a complete stranger when they become convinced he has abused his stepdaughter and murdered his wife. The three women are swept up by their newfound sense of control and power while they plot against the man, but their so-called “perfect plan” goes terribly awry during execution and they discover, only when it’s too late, that they didn’t know all the facts. Thanks also to their late night activities in a stolen van, the women unwittingly become suspects in a separate murder investigation of a police informant and find out how tenuous their beliefs—and their relationships with one another—have been.
In the end, the man at the center of the women’s vigilantism has a history and identity that none of the women could ever have imagined.
The story starts with Karin, Alaina, and Trisha as children. When they reunite decades later, Karin faces unimaginable grief with the death of her only child in a car accident in which her husband was driving in the direction toward his mistress’ house. Trisha confronts her own childhood traumas involving an alcoholic mother, a father she has never met, molestation by her grandfather, and the fear that the daughter she gave up for adoption when she was a teenager could, in any way possible, be in harm’s way because of Trisha’s self-perceived abandonment. Alaina, on the other hand, struggles with the guilt of her past failure to speak out against her adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the secret and questionable paternity of her oldest child.
After Alaina’s son reveals that one of his classmates has run away from home because of the horrific deeds of her stepfather, the women’s weekly “girls’ night out” takes on a whole new and tragic misplacement of energy.
This 83,000-word manuscript of commercial women’s fiction is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada due to my life-long familiarity with the landscape. Although I am an unpublished novelist, I have an entrenched fascination with all the trouble presumably “average” people get themselves into—due, in no small part, to my past work history writing investigative narratives of the professional and personal misconduct of lawyers. Take years summarizing indiscretions and bad decision-making (including fraudulent investment schemes, criminal charges of public indecency and unlawful confinement of minors, and run-of-the mill impaired driving and assault convictions), throw in a degree in English literature, and a work of fiction was destined to come to fruition.
I'd be more than happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Agent,
In THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE, three childhood friends, now mothers in their late thirties, commit an act of vigilantism against a complete stranger when they become convinced he has abused his stepdaughter and murdered his wife. The three women are swept up by their newfound sense of control and power while they plot against the man, but their so-called “perfect plan” goes terribly awry during execution and they discover, only when it’s too late, that they didn’t know all the facts. Thanks also to their late night activities in a stolen van, the women unwittingly become suspects in a separate murder investigation of a police informant and find out how tenuous their beliefs—and their relationships with one another—have been.
In the end, the man at the center of the women’s vigilantism has a history and identity that none of the women could ever have imagined.
The story starts with Karin, Alaina, and Trisha as children. When they reunite decades later, Karin faces unimaginable grief with the death of her only child in a car accident in which her husband was driving in the direction toward his mistress’ house. Trisha confronts her own childhood traumas involving an alcoholic mother, a father she has never met, molestation by her grandfather, and the fear that the daughter she gave up for adoption when she was a teenager could, in any way possible, be in harm’s way because of Trisha’s self-perceived abandonment. Alaina, on the other hand, struggles with the guilt of her past failure to speak out against her adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the secret and questionable paternity of her oldest child.
After Alaina’s son reveals that one of his classmates has run away from home because of the horrific deeds of her stepfather, the women’s weekly “girls’ night out” takes on a whole new and tragic misplacement of energy.
This 83,000-word manuscript of commercial women’s fiction is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada due to my life-long familiarity with the landscape. Although I am an unpublished novelist, I have an entrenched fascination with all the trouble presumably “average” people get themselves into—due, in no small part, to my past work history writing investigative narratives of the professional and personal misconduct of lawyers. Take years summarizing indiscretions and bad decision-making (including fraudulent investment schemes, criminal charges of public indecency and unlawful confinement of minors, and run-of-the mill impaired driving and assault convictions), throw in a degree in English literature, and a work of fiction was destined to come to fruition.
I'd be more than happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: Seven-Inch Vinyl
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel, SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz and a wealth of other fictional characters. Their personal and professional stories will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in a regional magazine, as well as two articles published in local Las Vegas newspapers and one published in a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
In 1953, the whole world was waiting for an explosion.
Both The United States and the Soviet Union possessed a weapon that could blow the world to bits. But when the explosion finally did take place, it didn’t come from an Atom bomb - but in the form of Rock and Roll music!
My first novel, SEVEN-INCH VINYL, follows the evolution of rock and roll music as seen through the eyes of Joseph Rabinowitz and a wealth of other fictional characters. Their personal and professional stories will parallel real-life people and events as the music changes through the turbulent decade of the 1960’s. Racism, political unrest, war and assassination will unfold in this family saga of success and failure - triumph and tragedy, all culminating in a groundbreaking reunion concert proving that rock and roll will never die.
My past writing experiences are all about the 50’s & 60’s music genre. They include two articles published in a regional magazine, as well as two articles published in local Las Vegas newspapers and one published in a national specialized music periodical.
The completed 140,000 – word manuscript for SEVEN-INCH VINYL is available upon request. A SASE is included for your convenience. I thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Apr 26, 2009
QUERY- The Graces of Mercy & Circumstance
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
I have recently completed an 83,000-word novel that is difficult to categorize within a single genre. It is both a crime novel and a psychological study, while a good portion could be classified as women’s literature if it wasn’t decidedly bereft of romantic themes—although it does contain ample examples of human absurdities. From your profile on [your agency website/Publisher's Marketplace/etc.], I believe the manuscript is compatible with your other clients’ novels and may interest you. The working title is “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance”.
To sum up the plot, “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is about three childhood friends who reunite decades later when they’re mothers and housewives facing unimaginable grief (the death of a child), unspeakable childhood traumas (an alcoholic mother, an absent father, molestation, and teenage pregnancy), and past lies (failure to speak out against an adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the questionable paternity of her oldest child). When the women reunite, they find themselves suddenly pushing 40 and lose themselves, almost inadvertently, in a world of vigilantism during “girls’ night out”.
The man who inspires them to commit an unexpected act of violence represents, in various ways and somewhat subconsciously, something in each of the women’s pasts where their inaction caused their current regret or pain. But, what they don’t realize until it is too late is that the man isn’t who they think he is and their so-called perfect plan to find strength in numbers and empowerment in action may, in fact, rip their worlds and friendship apart.
“The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is my first novel and is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada. I chose this setting not only because of my life-long familiarity with the landscape but also because of an entrenched fascination with all the trouble so-called “average” people get themselves in while living in an idyllic, and perhaps a tad bit too serene, environment.
I'd be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I have recently completed an 83,000-word novel that is difficult to categorize within a single genre. It is both a crime novel and a psychological study, while a good portion could be classified as women’s literature if it wasn’t decidedly bereft of romantic themes—although it does contain ample examples of human absurdities. From your profile on [your agency website/Publisher's Marketplace/etc.], I believe the manuscript is compatible with your other clients’ novels and may interest you. The working title is “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance”.
To sum up the plot, “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is about three childhood friends who reunite decades later when they’re mothers and housewives facing unimaginable grief (the death of a child), unspeakable childhood traumas (an alcoholic mother, an absent father, molestation, and teenage pregnancy), and past lies (failure to speak out against an adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the questionable paternity of her oldest child). When the women reunite, they find themselves suddenly pushing 40 and lose themselves, almost inadvertently, in a world of vigilantism during “girls’ night out”.
The man who inspires them to commit an unexpected act of violence represents, in various ways and somewhat subconsciously, something in each of the women’s pasts where their inaction caused their current regret or pain. But, what they don’t realize until it is too late is that the man isn’t who they think he is and their so-called perfect plan to find strength in numbers and empowerment in action may, in fact, rip their worlds and friendship apart.
“The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is my first novel and is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada. I chose this setting not only because of my life-long familiarity with the landscape but also because of an entrenched fascination with all the trouble so-called “average” people get themselves in while living in an idyllic, and perhaps a tad bit too serene, environment.
I'd be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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