Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Another new version. I'm not sure if I should base future revisions off of this style or the previous matter-of-fact plot description. Is this one more exciting to read?
Dear Agent,
Everyone obeys the World Book. Everyone in the Kingdoms of the Land, Air, and Sea. If you don’t, you get thrown to the magistrate. And if you break the High Laws, you’re killed. Seth doesn’t mind, for the most part. As long as you follow the rules you stay safe and well fed with your family. It’s hard to miss freedom when you’ve never had it.
Kinessa doesn’t think so. She’s brave, rebellious, and angry with the World Book – everything Seth is not. She shows up in Seth’s backyard, claiming to have amnesia, but Seth is pretty sure she’s lying. Eventually, though, Kinessa’s crazy ideas about the World Book get him thinking. Why can’t he explore the woods and visit the beach? Why does he have to accept the World Book without questions? But when Kinessa changes into a sea serpent in front of him, Seth realizes that she has a broader plan then breaking a few rules.
Kinessa says she wants to start a revolution in the King’s City. Seth is hesitant to back her plan, but he knows he can’t go back to his previous life. A few people start to listen to her ideas, but when the authorities catch up to them Seth must rely on his own intelligence and courage to save them all.
WORLD BOOK is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers.
Mar 3, 2011
Feb 25, 2011
QUERY- A HUMAN ELEMENT (3rd revision) Commercial Fiction
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Thank you for all your advice!
Dear Agent,
Laura Armstrong’s special mind powers can’t save her loved ones from being murdered and she must unravel her past to face the killer – only to discover they are bonded by an explosive destiny that slammed into the Earth 30 years ago.
A grief-stricken Laura returns home seeking answers. She feels connected to the lake there where a meteorite crashed the night she was conceived – the same night Ben Fieldstone’s parents were crushed to death under it. Laura finds him at the lake searching for answers too. Drawn to one another, Ben and Laura discover what fell from the sky long ago held more than just rock and that they are connected by fate. When Laura’s true identity is revealed, they find that the killer who wants her dead is part of their future spanning two worlds. With the killer closing in, Laura fears she must use her powers and fight him alone or Ben will die too like so many others she loved. But if they survive, she fears she can’t give her heart to Ben now that he knows who – and what – she really is.
I am seeking representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word suspense novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Thank you for all your advice!
Dear Agent,
Laura Armstrong’s special mind powers can’t save her loved ones from being murdered and she must unravel her past to face the killer – only to discover they are bonded by an explosive destiny that slammed into the Earth 30 years ago.
A grief-stricken Laura returns home seeking answers. She feels connected to the lake there where a meteorite crashed the night she was conceived – the same night Ben Fieldstone’s parents were crushed to death under it. Laura finds him at the lake searching for answers too. Drawn to one another, Ben and Laura discover what fell from the sky long ago held more than just rock and that they are connected by fate. When Laura’s true identity is revealed, they find that the killer who wants her dead is part of their future spanning two worlds. With the killer closing in, Laura fears she must use her powers and fight him alone or Ben will die too like so many others she loved. But if they survive, she fears she can’t give her heart to Ben now that he knows who – and what – she really is.
I am seeking representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word suspense novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Feb 24, 2011
Query-The Eye of Tanúb (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Thrust into a world he never knew was real, thirteen year old Zach Marriott must overcome the scorn of his sister, the physical appetites of his chubby body, and a brutally savage Warlord.
In THE EYE OF TANÚB, an 83,000 word YA fantasy, Zach is magically drawn into his favorite online computer game, Warlord. He learns he is destined take the place of the last living Ancient of that exhilarating, deadly world. To return home, he must complete the impossible quest to obtain the Eye of Tanúb, but he's not sure he wants to go home. In the game he is strong, powerful and revered. At home . . . not so much. In the end, he must confront his worst enemies: his pudgy body, his bratty sister who accidentally comes along for the ride and attracts misfortune at every turn, and ultimately, his desire to return home.
My book combines the online gaming culture of our youth today with the traditional conventions of a young adult fantasy novel. I graduated from the Longridge Writer's Course in December 2010, am a member of the League of Utah Writers, and write weekly on my blog, A Writer's Reality.
Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my query. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thrust into a world he never knew was real, thirteen year old Zach Marriott must overcome the scorn of his sister, the physical appetites of his chubby body, and a brutally savage Warlord.
In THE EYE OF TANÚB, an 83,000 word YA fantasy, Zach is magically drawn into his favorite online computer game, Warlord. He learns he is destined take the place of the last living Ancient of that exhilarating, deadly world. To return home, he must complete the impossible quest to obtain the Eye of Tanúb, but he's not sure he wants to go home. In the game he is strong, powerful and revered. At home . . . not so much. In the end, he must confront his worst enemies: his pudgy body, his bratty sister who accidentally comes along for the ride and attracts misfortune at every turn, and ultimately, his desire to return home.
My book combines the online gaming culture of our youth today with the traditional conventions of a young adult fantasy novel. I graduated from the Longridge Writer's Course in December 2010, am a member of the League of Utah Writers, and write weekly on my blog, A Writer's Reality.
Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my query. I look forward to hearing from you.
Query-The Eye of Tanúb
Thrust into a world he never knew was real, a young, chubby teen must overcome the scorn of his sister, his physical appetites, and the brutally savage Warlord.
In this 83,000 word YA fantasy, thirteen year old Zach Marriott is magically drawn into his favorite online computer game, Warlord, and learns he is destined take the place of the last living Ancient of that exhilarating, deadly world. To return home, he must complete the impossible quest to obtain the Eye of Tanúb, but why would he want to go home? In the game he is strong, powerful and revered. In the end, he must confront his worst enemies: his pudgy body, his bratty sister who accidentally comes along for the ride, and ultimately, the desire to return home.
I wrote The Eye of Tanúb trying to imagine what it would be like to be pulled into a modern computer game like World of Warcraft or Halo. My book combines the online gaming culture of our youth today with the traditional conventions of a young adult fantasy novel. I graduated from the Longridge Writer's Course in December 2010, am a member of the League of Utah Writers, and write weekly on my blog, A Writer's Reality.
Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my query. I look forward to hearing from you.
Melissa J Cunningham
www.melissajcunningham.blogspot.com
In this 83,000 word YA fantasy, thirteen year old Zach Marriott is magically drawn into his favorite online computer game, Warlord, and learns he is destined take the place of the last living Ancient of that exhilarating, deadly world. To return home, he must complete the impossible quest to obtain the Eye of Tanúb, but why would he want to go home? In the game he is strong, powerful and revered. In the end, he must confront his worst enemies: his pudgy body, his bratty sister who accidentally comes along for the ride, and ultimately, the desire to return home.
I wrote The Eye of Tanúb trying to imagine what it would be like to be pulled into a modern computer game like World of Warcraft or Halo. My book combines the online gaming culture of our youth today with the traditional conventions of a young adult fantasy novel. I graduated from the Longridge Writer's Course in December 2010, am a member of the League of Utah Writers, and write weekly on my blog, A Writer's Reality.
Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my query. I look forward to hearing from you.
Melissa J Cunningham
www.melissajcunningham.blogspot.com
Feb 21, 2011
QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Ryan Anderson, salesman in a hurry to deliver a critical proposal, turns livid when a careless truck driver backs into his BMW, mangling it.
He got even more angry when the driver, a stammering foreigner, gave him a bad phone number, and then tried to ditch him. So Ryan went after him, determined that the driver was going to fix his car.
But Ryan wouldn't have gone after him, if he knew where the man was from. Or what was in the truck. Or that the driver would quickly turn and go after him, and the beautiful young attorney he hooks up with later that night.
She was just supposed to be a one-night stand- until Jessica Webb saves him from men with foot-long knives who attack them at his house. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who quickly figures out it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad guys who paid them to ferry their illicit cargo. And unless they find a way to stop the second group, they'll both be dead by Monday morning.
Ryan and Jessica race against the clock in Seattle as they uncover a plan created by competing factions of Chechen militants and al-Qaeda to incite an all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, with elements of political intrigue and spy craft. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Daniel Silva, and David Morrell might enjoy this book.
I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.
Thank you for reviewing this query.
Ryan Anderson, salesman in a hurry to deliver a critical proposal, turns livid when a careless truck driver backs into his BMW, mangling it.
He got even more angry when the driver, a stammering foreigner, gave him a bad phone number, and then tried to ditch him. So Ryan went after him, determined that the driver was going to fix his car.
But Ryan wouldn't have gone after him, if he knew where the man was from. Or what was in the truck. Or that the driver would quickly turn and go after him, and the beautiful young attorney he hooks up with later that night.
She was just supposed to be a one-night stand- until Jessica Webb saves him from men with foot-long knives who attack them at his house. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who quickly figures out it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad guys who paid them to ferry their illicit cargo. And unless they find a way to stop the second group, they'll both be dead by Monday morning.
Ryan and Jessica race against the clock in Seattle as they uncover a plan created by competing factions of Chechen militants and al-Qaeda to incite an all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, with elements of political intrigue and spy craft. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, Daniel Silva, and David Morrell might enjoy this book.
I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.
Thank you for reviewing this query.
QUERY – SOLDIERS OF EARTH: NEPHILIM WARS (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
I submitted my first two revisions a while ago (under the title Nephilim Wars), and got some really good feedback. I’ve spent a while working on this as well as changing and adding to my story. I have also spent some time getting a better understanding of how to present my novel. Thanks again for all the feedback!
Dear [Agent name],
Captain Nolan Fields of the United States Marine Core is the only survivor of his last mission. His reward? Command of the fabled Alpha Company Recon Marines. Their first mission together is security for negotiations between Earth and a distant planet, Aztlan. Through an ancient portal connecting our two planets knights and wizards have traveled to Earth, seeking help.
But the enemy has followed them to Earth. They attack, changing two of Captain Fields’ men into Neila monsters and abducting another. Determined to save his men Captain Fields and his marines travel to Aztlan.
As they search the foreign landscape they find a human castle besieged by the grey Nephilim aliens. This technologically advanced race seeks the destruction of humanity whether they are from Aztlan or Earth. Captain Fields and his marines intervene saving the castle and starting a war.
But the very humans Captain Fields seeks to help betray them and the Nephilim capture the portal back to Earth. Now, Captain Fields must fight to secure the way home. But his biggest challenge is coming to terms with the fact that he cannot bring all him men home alive.
Soldiers of Earth: Nephilim Wars is the first of a completed Science Fiction / Fantasy trilogy at 90,000 words. I have not been published before.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes,
Click here to read the first revision.
I submitted my first two revisions a while ago (under the title Nephilim Wars), and got some really good feedback. I’ve spent a while working on this as well as changing and adding to my story. I have also spent some time getting a better understanding of how to present my novel. Thanks again for all the feedback!
Dear [Agent name],
Captain Nolan Fields of the United States Marine Core is the only survivor of his last mission. His reward? Command of the fabled Alpha Company Recon Marines. Their first mission together is security for negotiations between Earth and a distant planet, Aztlan. Through an ancient portal connecting our two planets knights and wizards have traveled to Earth, seeking help.
But the enemy has followed them to Earth. They attack, changing two of Captain Fields’ men into Neila monsters and abducting another. Determined to save his men Captain Fields and his marines travel to Aztlan.
As they search the foreign landscape they find a human castle besieged by the grey Nephilim aliens. This technologically advanced race seeks the destruction of humanity whether they are from Aztlan or Earth. Captain Fields and his marines intervene saving the castle and starting a war.
But the very humans Captain Fields seeks to help betray them and the Nephilim capture the portal back to Earth. Now, Captain Fields must fight to secure the way home. But his biggest challenge is coming to terms with the fact that he cannot bring all him men home alive.
Soldiers of Earth: Nephilim Wars is the first of a completed Science Fiction / Fantasy trilogy at 90,000 words. I have not been published before.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes,
Feb 20, 2011
QUERY - WORLD BOOK (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Seth was good at following the rules. He obeyed his parents, performed his nightly vows, and observed the laws in the World Book with pride – until he met Kinessa.
The Kingdoms of the Land, Air, and Sea follow the World Book – a list of oppressive laws designed to keep peace throughout the Kingdoms. Kinessa, a thirteen-year-old stranger claiming to have amnesia, believes these laws need to change. When Seth’s family shelters Kinessa, her blatant disregard for the World Book initially frightens Seth, but he is intrigued by her rebellious ideas. For the first time he dares to explore the woods in his backyard and visit the ocean, but he faints from shock when Kinessa reveals she’s from the Kingdom of the Sea by changing into a sea serpent.
Kinessa tells Seth that she came to the land, a crime punishable by death, to spy on a secret meeting between the Kings and their heirs. Seth follows her to the meeting, but grows skeptical of her plan when she decides to convince the Crown Prince of the Air to join their side. The prince’s bloodthirsty nature leads to a deadly confrontation, and they barely escape with their lives. Kinessa comes up with another reckless plan and decides to start a revolution in the King’s City of the land. A few people begin to listen to their ideas, but when the Crown Prince catches up to them Seth must rely on his own intelligence and courage to save them all.
WORLD BOOK is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Agent,
Seth was good at following the rules. He obeyed his parents, performed his nightly vows, and observed the laws in the World Book with pride – until he met Kinessa.
The Kingdoms of the Land, Air, and Sea follow the World Book – a list of oppressive laws designed to keep peace throughout the Kingdoms. Kinessa, a thirteen-year-old stranger claiming to have amnesia, believes these laws need to change. When Seth’s family shelters Kinessa, her blatant disregard for the World Book initially frightens Seth, but he is intrigued by her rebellious ideas. For the first time he dares to explore the woods in his backyard and visit the ocean, but he faints from shock when Kinessa reveals she’s from the Kingdom of the Sea by changing into a sea serpent.
Kinessa tells Seth that she came to the land, a crime punishable by death, to spy on a secret meeting between the Kings and their heirs. Seth follows her to the meeting, but grows skeptical of her plan when she decides to convince the Crown Prince of the Air to join their side. The prince’s bloodthirsty nature leads to a deadly confrontation, and they barely escape with their lives. Kinessa comes up with another reckless plan and decides to start a revolution in the King’s City of the land. A few people begin to listen to their ideas, but when the Crown Prince catches up to them Seth must rely on his own intelligence and courage to save them all.
WORLD BOOK is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Feb 19, 2011
Query- Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost
When Elizabeth "Lizzie" Brogan returns home from an extended trip, her Aunt Annie May greets her with a request. She asks Lizzie to help her get to the stage door of The Belasco Theatre by first call to meet her true love, Dan "Curly" O'Brien. This should be a simple task, but for the fact that Annie, once a successful musical star on Broadway, has been dead for twenty-seven years.
Annie lives in a giant tramp steamer trunk, the same trunk Lizzie takes on her travels for eight years. At the end of their last trip, Lizzie learns it is not only the ghost of Annie May and the other ghosts of Broadway who need her help, it is also her living love-ones.
The predictable life Lizzie left behind has vanished, she must learn to face the failures of her past, help Annie May and her mother, and confront her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart.
A love story of parallel worlds, Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 80,000 words, attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.
I participated in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx blog fest, and wanted to take this opportunity to follow up with my query. I read in your post on Guide To Literary Agents, that you are interested in …" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
What sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage. Based on a true story, The Ghosts of Broadway, by Robert Viagas, June 10, 2005, written for Playbill.com, the afterworld in Lizzie takes place at the landmark Belasco Theatre and features the ghost of David Belasco, The Bishop of Broadway himself. It offers a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehearsal and the lights never go out.
The first xxxxxxxxx follow. Thank you for your consideration.
Repectfully,
Florence Fois
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dark corners of the attic became my secret playground. Too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their possessions, the rows of boxes filled with my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes, an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform. I imagined a dozen stories of them while I played with their trophies, and spent hours sorting their photographs. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of my Aunt Annie May.
The first time I saw her, was a cold day in winter that trapped us in the house, and while outside snow fell in sheets, and wind and ice assaulted the windowpanes, inside Esther baked me chocolate fudge brownies, and I planned a day of playing dress-up. I was eight, went in search of my sister's pompoms, and spent most of the morning in the corner of the attic pretending to be a cheerleader. I heard my mother coming up the stairs and hid behind a row of boxes.
She was talking to the front of the trunk, the way you talk to a person across the table at breakfast. "This weather is about to drive me mad." If there was another person in the room, I didn't hear them. I could only hear my mother's voice. "Aye sister, stay out of the blasted fog."
After my mother left, I walked to the opposite corner, where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof. I thought I saw her smile and talked to her. "Hello?"
A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth."
I remember I wasn't afraid, only excited that I had seen her at last. "Don't run away, Aunt Annie. I'm Elizabeth, your niece. I'm sure mom told you about me."
I looked up and she was perched on one of the rafters. "She did at that, child."
"You're a ghost?"
"Sorry to say, yes I am." And in an instant, the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.
"Aunt Annie?" She was gone.
Annie lives in a giant tramp steamer trunk, the same trunk Lizzie takes on her travels for eight years. At the end of their last trip, Lizzie learns it is not only the ghost of Annie May and the other ghosts of Broadway who need her help, it is also her living love-ones.
The predictable life Lizzie left behind has vanished, she must learn to face the failures of her past, help Annie May and her mother, and confront her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart.
A love story of parallel worlds, Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 80,000 words, attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.
I participated in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx blog fest, and wanted to take this opportunity to follow up with my query. I read in your post on Guide To Literary Agents, that you are interested in …" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
What sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage. Based on a true story, The Ghosts of Broadway, by Robert Viagas, June 10, 2005, written for Playbill.com, the afterworld in Lizzie takes place at the landmark Belasco Theatre and features the ghost of David Belasco, The Bishop of Broadway himself. It offers a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehearsal and the lights never go out.
The first xxxxxxxxx follow. Thank you for your consideration.
Repectfully,
Florence Fois
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dark corners of the attic became my secret playground. Too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their possessions, the rows of boxes filled with my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes, an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform. I imagined a dozen stories of them while I played with their trophies, and spent hours sorting their photographs. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of my Aunt Annie May.
The first time I saw her, was a cold day in winter that trapped us in the house, and while outside snow fell in sheets, and wind and ice assaulted the windowpanes, inside Esther baked me chocolate fudge brownies, and I planned a day of playing dress-up. I was eight, went in search of my sister's pompoms, and spent most of the morning in the corner of the attic pretending to be a cheerleader. I heard my mother coming up the stairs and hid behind a row of boxes.
She was talking to the front of the trunk, the way you talk to a person across the table at breakfast. "This weather is about to drive me mad." If there was another person in the room, I didn't hear them. I could only hear my mother's voice. "Aye sister, stay out of the blasted fog."
After my mother left, I walked to the opposite corner, where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof. I thought I saw her smile and talked to her. "Hello?"
A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth."
I remember I wasn't afraid, only excited that I had seen her at last. "Don't run away, Aunt Annie. I'm Elizabeth, your niece. I'm sure mom told you about me."
I looked up and she was perched on one of the rafters. "She did at that, child."
"You're a ghost?"
"Sorry to say, yes I am." And in an instant, the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.
"Aunt Annie?" She was gone.
Feb 16, 2011
QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE
What if, purely by accident, a young man stumbles into a terrorist plot that was set in motion decades ago by the fall of the Soviet Union?
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-word thriller, with elements of political intrigue and spy craft. Readers of authors like Frederick Forsyth, Daniel Silva, Vince Flynn, and David Morrell's spy fiction might enjoy this book.
Ryan Anderson, salesman in a hurry, turns livid when when a careless semi-truck driver backs into his BMW, mangling it.
He got even more angry when the driver gave him a bad phone number, and then tried to ditch him. So Ryan went after him, determined that the driver was going to pay to fix his car.
But Ryan wouldn't have gone after the driver, if he knew where the man was from. Or what was in the truck. Or that the driver would quickly turn and go after him, and the beautiful young attorney he enlists for help.
Ryan and Jessica Web race against the clock in Seattle as they learn of a plan created by factions of Chechen militants and al-Qaeda to incite an all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is the first in a planned series featuring the duo of Jessica Webb and Ryan Anderson. I have completed the outline for the second book, REFUSAL TO COMPLY. My goal is to create a modern, intelligent spy couple's adventures.
I have a BA in English literature from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a manufacturer rep business specializing in security products for video surveillance, and this allows me to blend in some technical detail and insight on the future of a world where someone is always watching.
Thank you very much for reviewing this query.
Mark D. Niehus
mdniehus@gmail.com
206-380-0082
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-word thriller, with elements of political intrigue and spy craft. Readers of authors like Frederick Forsyth, Daniel Silva, Vince Flynn, and David Morrell's spy fiction might enjoy this book.
Ryan Anderson, salesman in a hurry, turns livid when when a careless semi-truck driver backs into his BMW, mangling it.
He got even more angry when the driver gave him a bad phone number, and then tried to ditch him. So Ryan went after him, determined that the driver was going to pay to fix his car.
But Ryan wouldn't have gone after the driver, if he knew where the man was from. Or what was in the truck. Or that the driver would quickly turn and go after him, and the beautiful young attorney he enlists for help.
Ryan and Jessica Web race against the clock in Seattle as they learn of a plan created by factions of Chechen militants and al-Qaeda to incite an all-out war between their two most hated enemies, the United States and Russia.
REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is the first in a planned series featuring the duo of Jessica Webb and Ryan Anderson. I have completed the outline for the second book, REFUSAL TO COMPLY. My goal is to create a modern, intelligent spy couple's adventures.
I have a BA in English literature from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a manufacturer rep business specializing in security products for video surveillance, and this allows me to blend in some technical detail and insight on the future of a world where someone is always watching.
Thank you very much for reviewing this query.
Mark D. Niehus
mdniehus@gmail.com
206-380-0082
Feb 13, 2011
COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT (3rd version)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s brains were blown out across her face. And she doesn’t know why. She fears the killer is the one who chases her in nightmares – and she must stop him or be next.
The mystery could be connected to the meteorite that hit her hometown lake almost thirty years ago. Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him when she returns home to search the lake for answers. Drawn to one another they discover they are bound by fate, as Laura’s true identity is revealed. Together, they unravel her past to discover the man who wants her dead is part of a destiny she never could have imagined. With the killer closing in, Laura realizes she must fight him alone to save them both. But if they survive, she fears she can’t give her heart to Ben now that he knows who she really is.
I am seeking representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word suspense novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s brains were blown out across her face. And she doesn’t know why. She fears the killer is the one who chases her in nightmares – and she must stop him or be next.
The mystery could be connected to the meteorite that hit her hometown lake almost thirty years ago. Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him when she returns home to search the lake for answers. Drawn to one another they discover they are bound by fate, as Laura’s true identity is revealed. Together, they unravel her past to discover the man who wants her dead is part of a destiny she never could have imagined. With the killer closing in, Laura realizes she must fight him alone to save them both. But if they survive, she fears she can’t give her heart to Ben now that he knows who she really is.
I am seeking representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word suspense novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Feb 10, 2011
Query- Assassin's Redemption REv. 3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Death goes by many names, but one of them is Etienne de Villaine.
An angelic assassin by profession, Etienne and his wife Nel run a business hunting demons, fallen angels, and mortal scum who escape human justice. Using guns, knives, and poisons they administer the only effective solution to the vermin of the world—death. But when another assassin murders the leaders of Israel, Iran, Turkmenistan, and the Ukraine, Etienne must shift from assassin to savior and hunt down the killer in order to avoid a world war.
Etienne sets a trap using the president of Russia as bait, but the mysterious assassin anticipates the ambush. While the president survives, Nel is injured and the assassin escapes. However, the assassin’s identity is no longer a mystery. His name is Munkar, Etienne’s brother who went insane with bloodlust a thousand years ago.
Etienne and Nel return to their Chicago home, so Nel can recover, but Munkar follows them, intent on revenge. Etienne stumbles on Munkar while he lunches at a restaurant and tries to talk sense to him, but Munkar responds by vowing to start Armageddon and kill Etienne. His attempt to kill Etienne fails, but that only drives him to expand his worldwide killing spree. Etienne realizes Munk’s massacres are meant to draw him out, daring him to a death duel. But the final nail into the coffin of motivation comes when Munk threatens Nel. Etienne must head off world annihilation and protect Nel, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.
I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. Professionally, I am a molecular biologist employed by a biotechnology company. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Death goes by many names, but one of them is Etienne de Villaine.
An angelic assassin by profession, Etienne and his wife Nel run a business hunting demons, fallen angels, and mortal scum who escape human justice. Using guns, knives, and poisons they administer the only effective solution to the vermin of the world—death. But when another assassin murders the leaders of Israel, Iran, Turkmenistan, and the Ukraine, Etienne must shift from assassin to savior and hunt down the killer in order to avoid a world war.
Etienne sets a trap using the president of Russia as bait, but the mysterious assassin anticipates the ambush. While the president survives, Nel is injured and the assassin escapes. However, the assassin’s identity is no longer a mystery. His name is Munkar, Etienne’s brother who went insane with bloodlust a thousand years ago.
Etienne and Nel return to their Chicago home, so Nel can recover, but Munkar follows them, intent on revenge. Etienne stumbles on Munkar while he lunches at a restaurant and tries to talk sense to him, but Munkar responds by vowing to start Armageddon and kill Etienne. His attempt to kill Etienne fails, but that only drives him to expand his worldwide killing spree. Etienne realizes Munk’s massacres are meant to draw him out, daring him to a death duel. But the final nail into the coffin of motivation comes when Munk threatens Nel. Etienne must head off world annihilation and protect Nel, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.
I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. Professionally, I am a molecular biologist employed by a biotechnology company. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
QUERY- WORLD BOOK
Dear Agent,
Seth was good at following the rules. He obeyed his parents, performed his nightly vows, and observed the laws in the World Book with pride – until he met Kinessa.
Seth’s world is turned upside down as Kinessa challenges him to question everything he believes in. He neglects his readings, plays on the beach and explores the woods in his backyard for the first time. Eventually Kinessa leaves, but she confronts him with a choice – go back to your previous life or come with me.
The friends embark on an adventure to change the three Kingdoms. But as Seth follows Kinessa on her quest to destroy the World Book he soon learns that change is never as easy as it seems.
World Book is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration. If you are interested feel free to contact me by phone or email.
Sincerely,
Jessica
-----
Anyone willing to read the first few pages? I'll be glad to post them here.
Seth was good at following the rules. He obeyed his parents, performed his nightly vows, and observed the laws in the World Book with pride – until he met Kinessa.
Seth’s world is turned upside down as Kinessa challenges him to question everything he believes in. He neglects his readings, plays on the beach and explores the woods in his backyard for the first time. Eventually Kinessa leaves, but she confronts him with a choice – go back to your previous life or come with me.
The friends embark on an adventure to change the three Kingdoms. But as Seth follows Kinessa on her quest to destroy the World Book he soon learns that change is never as easy as it seems.
World Book is a completed 32,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration. If you are interested feel free to contact me by phone or email.
Sincerely,
Jessica
-----
Anyone willing to read the first few pages? I'll be glad to post them here.
COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT (2ND VERSION)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
At 26 Laura Armstrong can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the evil man who chases her in nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her special powers to save herself as she is next, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him there when she visits the lake, searching for answers. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the man who wants her dead is part of her destiny too.
With the killer closing in fast, Laura decides she must fight him alone using her special powers to save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself and can Laura give her heart to Ben if he knows what she really is?
I am seeking representation of my first novel, A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Agent,
At 26 Laura Armstrong can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the evil man who chases her in nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her special powers to save herself as she is next, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it. Laura finds him there when she visits the lake, searching for answers. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the man who wants her dead is part of her destiny too.
With the killer closing in fast, Laura decides she must fight him alone using her special powers to save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself and can Laura give her heart to Ben if he knows what she really is?
I am seeking representation of my first novel, A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel. I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Feb 8, 2011
COMMERCIAL FICTION QUERY: A HUMAN ELEMENT
Dear Agent,
I am seeking your representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel in the tradition of Dean Koontz.
Laura Armstrong discovers her special powers as a child only to endure a life of tragedy as those she loves are gruesomely murdered and she must unravel her past to face the monster that stalks her and the man she loves – all bonded by a destiny they never could have imagined.
At 26 Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the monster in her nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her powers to save herself, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it and spent the rest of his life haunted by their deaths. He returns to the lake to find peace but also finds himself opening his heart to love when he meets Laura there seeking answers too. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the monster who wants her dead is part of who she is.
With the escaped killer closing in fast, Laura knows only she can fight the monster with her powers and save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself luckily so, and can Laura give her heart to Ben knowing what she really is?
This is my first novel and I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript of A HUMAN ELEMENT. I am a freelance writer for an advertising agency and a former marketing communications manager.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Chap 4
He swung his backpack over his shoulder then glanced back at the bare room that didn’t belong to him. He fought off self-pity. Then he slowly opened the door and listened. He heard the murmur of the television. Its ghostly light poured from Frank’s bedroom.
Ben tiptoed to the door. He saw Frank sitting in bed, his eyes shut. He had passed out. A cigarette hung from his fingers, the ash still glowing. The television flickered, canned laughter filled the room. Ben kept his eyes on that cigarette. The ash grew. And then the cigarette fell.
It seemed to hang in the air then tumbled in slow-motion onto the sheets. Nothing happened. Then the sheets smoldered. Laughter rang out again. Ben glanced at the television. Some character ran around a kitchen. Ben’s gaze returned to that fallen cigarette, eyes unblinking. Minutes passed. It seemed like hours to him.
He knew he needed to choose. Run or pick up the cigarette and prevent the certain fire? If he did nothing and Frank died, would he be a murderer? But Frank could have killed him just now. Might still kill him, or worse, if he ever caught him. He continued to stare where the cigarette fell.
The flames burst up from the sheets and fanned along the comforter framing Frank in a soft glow. They hungrily licked through the old bedspread until Frank’s image blurred. He looked so serene, so harmless. Ben felt free and safe seeing him like that.
And he knew then. He had to live. He wanted to live. He ran.
I am seeking your representation of A HUMAN ELEMENT, a 120,000-word commercial mainstream dark novel in the tradition of Dean Koontz.
Laura Armstrong discovers her special powers as a child only to endure a life of tragedy as those she loves are gruesomely murdered and she must unravel her past to face the monster that stalks her and the man she loves – all bonded by a destiny they never could have imagined.
At 26 Laura can’t escape death. Her parents were burned alive, her best friend’s throat was ripped out and her boss’s head was blown off in her lap. And she doesn’t know why. Could the monster in her nightmares be the killer? Then there’s the man in black who watches her from afar. His mysterious notes tell her she must use her powers to save herself, leaving Laura with more questions than answers.
Could it all be connected to the meteor that hit her hometown lake nearly 30 years ago? Ben Fieldstone thinks so. He was there the night his parents were crushed under it and spent the rest of his life haunted by their deaths. He returns to the lake to find peace but also finds himself opening his heart to love when he meets Laura there seeking answers too. Drawn to one another, they discover they are bound by fate, confirmed by the man in black who reveals Laura’s true identity and the secret about the meteor – and that the monster who wants her dead is part of who she is.
With the escaped killer closing in fast, Laura knows only she can fight the monster with her powers and save them. But if they survive can destiny redirect itself luckily so, and can Laura give her heart to Ben knowing what she really is?
This is my first novel and I would appreciate the opportunity to send you the entire manuscript of A HUMAN ELEMENT. I am a freelance writer for an advertising agency and a former marketing communications manager.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Chap 4
He swung his backpack over his shoulder then glanced back at the bare room that didn’t belong to him. He fought off self-pity. Then he slowly opened the door and listened. He heard the murmur of the television. Its ghostly light poured from Frank’s bedroom.
Ben tiptoed to the door. He saw Frank sitting in bed, his eyes shut. He had passed out. A cigarette hung from his fingers, the ash still glowing. The television flickered, canned laughter filled the room. Ben kept his eyes on that cigarette. The ash grew. And then the cigarette fell.
It seemed to hang in the air then tumbled in slow-motion onto the sheets. Nothing happened. Then the sheets smoldered. Laughter rang out again. Ben glanced at the television. Some character ran around a kitchen. Ben’s gaze returned to that fallen cigarette, eyes unblinking. Minutes passed. It seemed like hours to him.
He knew he needed to choose. Run or pick up the cigarette and prevent the certain fire? If he did nothing and Frank died, would he be a murderer? But Frank could have killed him just now. Might still kill him, or worse, if he ever caught him. He continued to stare where the cigarette fell.
The flames burst up from the sheets and fanned along the comforter framing Frank in a soft glow. They hungrily licked through the old bedspread until Frank’s image blurred. He looked so serene, so harmless. Ben felt free and safe seeing him like that.
And he knew then. He had to live. He wanted to live. He ran.
Feb 6, 2011
Query- Assassin's Redemption (First revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Let's see how this works:
Dear Agent,
Death goes by many names, but one of them is Etienne de Villaine.
When the presidents of Israel, Iran, and Turkmenistan are assassinated by a sniper, Etienne and his wife Nel attempt to stop the killer and avert a war. They’re a step too late to save the Ukrainian president, but catch a glimpse of the assassin who looks familiar to Etienne.
The son of the North Korean president is murdered next, raising global tensions to the verge of world war. While setting a trap baited with the Russian president, Etienne realizes the assassin is his brother, the fallen angel Munkar. Etienne and Nel foil the assassination, but Nel is injured and the assassin escapes.
The couple returns to their Chicago home, so Nel can recover, but Etienne discovers Munkar has followed them. Munkar vows to kill Etienne then set off World War Three. But nothing prepares Etienne for Munkar’s confession to the murder of his two previous wives. As if that isn’t enough for Etienne to pursue him to a death duel, Munk drives a nail into the coffin of motivation by threatening Nel. Etienne must head off a world war and protect Nel, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.
I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. Professionally, I am a molecular biologist employed by a biotechnology company. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Let's see how this works:
Dear Agent,
Death goes by many names, but one of them is Etienne de Villaine.
When the presidents of Israel, Iran, and Turkmenistan are assassinated by a sniper, Etienne and his wife Nel attempt to stop the killer and avert a war. They’re a step too late to save the Ukrainian president, but catch a glimpse of the assassin who looks familiar to Etienne.
The son of the North Korean president is murdered next, raising global tensions to the verge of world war. While setting a trap baited with the Russian president, Etienne realizes the assassin is his brother, the fallen angel Munkar. Etienne and Nel foil the assassination, but Nel is injured and the assassin escapes.
The couple returns to their Chicago home, so Nel can recover, but Etienne discovers Munkar has followed them. Munkar vows to kill Etienne then set off World War Three. But nothing prepares Etienne for Munkar’s confession to the murder of his two previous wives. As if that isn’t enough for Etienne to pursue him to a death duel, Munk drives a nail into the coffin of motivation by threatening Nel. Etienne must head off a world war and protect Nel, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.
I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. Professionally, I am a molecular biologist employed by a biotechnology company. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Query - 1st Awakenings, Fantasy
Dear Agent,
Normal is:
Loathing the thought of sitting through another boring lecture.
Thinking about the cute girl across the study hall.
Knowing you may be an assassin’s next target.
Taking ballroom dance lessons because your mom insists on it.
Learning martial arts because your dad insists on it.
Obsessing about the day you awaken to your magic.
Seventeen year old Seth is trying desperately to be normal, and for the most part he’s pulling it off. He can take a punch as well as any of his friends despite secretly hating it. Nobody knows about the dreams he’s been having that come true after he has them, or that he’s being taught magic by people who are supposed to be dead.
Only his best friend Drake really knows him, and even Drake doesn’t know everything.
As his friends start awakening to their magic Seth begins to wonder if he will even survive long enough to awaken. Until he does, his secret lessons are meaningless.
Seth finally awakens to his magic with the help of a newborn dragon friend, but something doesn’t feel right. His magic is not working the way his teachers said it would. To top things off, the light of the sun has been blacked out. This is normal of course, it happens every year, but it has never lasted this long.
The season of darkness extends to being measured in weeks rather than its typical days. Then Seth feels a pull towards something far away in the darkness. Every day that pull gets stronger. He knows he is going to leave to find out what it is. The problem is, so does Drake. Does he allow Drake to tag along? Or does he leave his friend behind and go this one alone?
1ST AWAKENINGS is my debut fantasy novel, complete at 172,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
(redacted)
Normal is:
Loathing the thought of sitting through another boring lecture.
Thinking about the cute girl across the study hall.
Knowing you may be an assassin’s next target.
Taking ballroom dance lessons because your mom insists on it.
Learning martial arts because your dad insists on it.
Obsessing about the day you awaken to your magic.
Seventeen year old Seth is trying desperately to be normal, and for the most part he’s pulling it off. He can take a punch as well as any of his friends despite secretly hating it. Nobody knows about the dreams he’s been having that come true after he has them, or that he’s being taught magic by people who are supposed to be dead.
Only his best friend Drake really knows him, and even Drake doesn’t know everything.
As his friends start awakening to their magic Seth begins to wonder if he will even survive long enough to awaken. Until he does, his secret lessons are meaningless.
Seth finally awakens to his magic with the help of a newborn dragon friend, but something doesn’t feel right. His magic is not working the way his teachers said it would. To top things off, the light of the sun has been blacked out. This is normal of course, it happens every year, but it has never lasted this long.
The season of darkness extends to being measured in weeks rather than its typical days. Then Seth feels a pull towards something far away in the darkness. Every day that pull gets stronger. He knows he is going to leave to find out what it is. The problem is, so does Drake. Does he allow Drake to tag along? Or does he leave his friend behind and go this one alone?
1ST AWAKENINGS is my debut fantasy novel, complete at 172,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
(redacted)
Feb 4, 2011
Query- The Thief's Girl
Of all the things Charlotte thought would happen when she ran away from home, ending up in the middle of a feud between a housebreaker and the Chief of Police wasn’t one of them.
After Alessia DiSpirito takes Charlotte under her wing, Charlotte thinks she’s finally caught a break. Life isn’t easy as an amateur thief, and DiSpirito claims she can teach Charlotte how it’s done.
Alessia DiSpirito, commonly known as The Spirit, a thief famous for never leaving a trail, has long been notorious. Lucky for her, the papers – not to mention the police – aren’t privy to some of the more shocking truths about her, especially the fact that she is a woman. But the secrets that have saved Alessia from arrest are endangered when she agrees to teach Charlotte how a thief should live.
When Charlotte accidentally tries to pick the pocket of the Chief of Police, he decides to try to turn her into a spy in DiSpirito’s den. But Charlotte’s loyalty to DiSpirito can’t be swayed. What’s more, DiSpirito knows that two can play that game, she tells Charlotte to distract him from his investigation of her.
This would all be a lot easier for Charlotte if her new association with the Chief of Police – and curse it all, a thief cannot become friends with a policeman – weren’t making it much too hard to balance her thief self and her pre-pickpocket past.
The Thief’s Girl is a Young Adult novel complete at 75,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
(Thanks)
After Alessia DiSpirito takes Charlotte under her wing, Charlotte thinks she’s finally caught a break. Life isn’t easy as an amateur thief, and DiSpirito claims she can teach Charlotte how it’s done.
Alessia DiSpirito, commonly known as The Spirit, a thief famous for never leaving a trail, has long been notorious. Lucky for her, the papers – not to mention the police – aren’t privy to some of the more shocking truths about her, especially the fact that she is a woman. But the secrets that have saved Alessia from arrest are endangered when she agrees to teach Charlotte how a thief should live.
When Charlotte accidentally tries to pick the pocket of the Chief of Police, he decides to try to turn her into a spy in DiSpirito’s den. But Charlotte’s loyalty to DiSpirito can’t be swayed. What’s more, DiSpirito knows that two can play that game, she tells Charlotte to distract him from his investigation of her.
This would all be a lot easier for Charlotte if her new association with the Chief of Police – and curse it all, a thief cannot become friends with a policeman – weren’t making it much too hard to balance her thief self and her pre-pickpocket past.
The Thief’s Girl is a Young Adult novel complete at 75,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
(Thanks)
Feb 2, 2011
QUERY- BOYFRIENDS, SPIES, AND LOVE
Dear Agent,
Carissa moved from York to attend New Orleans School of Creative Arts and get away from bodyguards and a life of worry. She’s about to turn eighteen and everything should be perfect, but she’s just learned that her new boyfriend is spying on her while her parents try to control her from afar.
After spending three years with Eric, as a friend, she was beyond excited when he asked her out on a date. When she found out he was her bodyguard she was heartbroken and confused. Follow that up with Connor, a friend that wants more than she’s willing to give, and her life feels like it’s falling to pieces.
Now she’s got to figure out what to do with Eric, how to get Connor to back off, and face her parents once and for all. Carissa is about to discover that the definition of family isn't those that share your blood, but those that love you without fail.
BOYFRIENDS, SPIES, AND LOVE is a contemporary young adult novel complete at 60,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Carissa moved from York to attend New Orleans School of Creative Arts and get away from bodyguards and a life of worry. She’s about to turn eighteen and everything should be perfect, but she’s just learned that her new boyfriend is spying on her while her parents try to control her from afar.
After spending three years with Eric, as a friend, she was beyond excited when he asked her out on a date. When she found out he was her bodyguard she was heartbroken and confused. Follow that up with Connor, a friend that wants more than she’s willing to give, and her life feels like it’s falling to pieces.
Now she’s got to figure out what to do with Eric, how to get Connor to back off, and face her parents once and for all. Carissa is about to discover that the definition of family isn't those that share your blood, but those that love you without fail.
BOYFRIENDS, SPIES, AND LOVE is a contemporary young adult novel complete at 60,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query-Wheezy-Medium of Casing, Florida
Dear
WHEEZY—MEDIUM OF CASING, FLORIDA—82,000 words—Paranormal
The eagle tattoo on his forearm, weightlifter-build, and comfort on the basketball court is the only hint of his identity. He appeared on the other side, a spirit with no memory of his past. History of the live-ones he's near pours into his head though, also their thoughts, emotions, even glimpses of their future. He learns this is unique among his kind, as is another inconvenient shortcoming—he forgets much of the previous day when he resets in his private Groundhog Day.
He chose to call himself Bob. Numbed by the drudgery of perpetuity, unable to sense the passing of time, he searches for purpose. His favorite live-ones have issues. He sets out first to assist with a crush-taken-too-far, but his web of meddling endangers the lives of his adopted family in a cartwheel backlash. He generates ire in his fellow spirits, bartenders, and school administrators; incites mob hit men, cops, predators, and abusive parents; brings multiple forces after those he intends to help.
Despite his interference, his live family narrowly avoids a succession of disasters. By ghostly sleight of hand, spirit battles, and human determination, bullies are put in their place, mobsters in their graves, and the family gets a second chance at normalcy—if you disregard the plethora of friendly spirits who hang around.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
WHEEZY—MEDIUM OF CASING, FLORIDA—82,000 words—Paranormal
The eagle tattoo on his forearm, weightlifter-build, and comfort on the basketball court is the only hint of his identity. He appeared on the other side, a spirit with no memory of his past. History of the live-ones he's near pours into his head though, also their thoughts, emotions, even glimpses of their future. He learns this is unique among his kind, as is another inconvenient shortcoming—he forgets much of the previous day when he resets in his private Groundhog Day.
He chose to call himself Bob. Numbed by the drudgery of perpetuity, unable to sense the passing of time, he searches for purpose. His favorite live-ones have issues. He sets out first to assist with a crush-taken-too-far, but his web of meddling endangers the lives of his adopted family in a cartwheel backlash. He generates ire in his fellow spirits, bartenders, and school administrators; incites mob hit men, cops, predators, and abusive parents; brings multiple forces after those he intends to help.
Despite his interference, his live family narrowly avoids a succession of disasters. By ghostly sleight of hand, spirit battles, and human determination, bullies are put in their place, mobsters in their graves, and the family gets a second chance at normalcy—if you disregard the plethora of friendly spirits who hang around.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Feb 1, 2011
QUERY - BOND OF DARKNESS
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Behind the disguise of a murderer seeking redemption, Valence fears his future. He is a pawn in a game bringing forward the return of the Darkness, an ancient infection of destructive intent.
When he crosses blades with an assassin proclaiming the Darkness's return, Valence's destiny is revealed. On the day he murdered a friend, he bore a legacy not meant for him -- a legacy connected to an evil and magic far before his time.
But one choice can change you, and for Valence, it means discovering how to suppress the infection and cure his own guilt.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Behind the disguise of a murderer seeking redemption, Valence fears his future. He is a pawn in a game bringing forward the return of the Darkness, an ancient infection of destructive intent.
When he crosses blades with an assassin proclaiming the Darkness's return, Valence's destiny is revealed. On the day he murdered a friend, he bore a legacy not meant for him -- a legacy connected to an evil and magic far before his time.
But one choice can change you, and for Valence, it means discovering how to suppress the infection and cure his own guilt.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Jan 31, 2011
Query-Asassin's Redemption
Dear Agent,
Death is said to ride a pale horse, but Etienne de Villaine, an angelic assassin, prefers more modern modes of transportation. When the presidents of Israel, Iran, and Turkmenistan are assassinated by a sniper, he and his angelic wife Nel are sent to stop the killer and avert a war. They’re a step too late to save the Ukrainian president, but catch a glimpse of the assassin who looks vaguely familiar to Etienne. The son of the North Korean President is murdered next, raising global tensions to the verge of world war. While setting a trap baited with the Russian president, Etienne realizes the assassin is his fallen brother Munk. Nel and Etienne manage to stop the next assassination, but Nel is injured and Munk escapes.
The angelic couple returns to their Chicago home, Nel to recover and Etienne to check on his restaurant where he discovers Munk has followed them. During a lunchtime showdown, Munk vows to kill Etienne and then start Armageddon, but nothing prepares Etienne for Munk’s confession to the murder of his two previous wives. As if that isn’t enough for Etienne to pursue him to a death duel, Munk drives a nail into the coffin of motivation by murdering the manager of Etienne’s restaurant and kidnapping her fourteen year old son. Etienne must head off a world war and rescue the boy, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.
I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. ***short bio*** Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Death is said to ride a pale horse, but Etienne de Villaine, an angelic assassin, prefers more modern modes of transportation. When the presidents of Israel, Iran, and Turkmenistan are assassinated by a sniper, he and his angelic wife Nel are sent to stop the killer and avert a war. They’re a step too late to save the Ukrainian president, but catch a glimpse of the assassin who looks vaguely familiar to Etienne. The son of the North Korean President is murdered next, raising global tensions to the verge of world war. While setting a trap baited with the Russian president, Etienne realizes the assassin is his fallen brother Munk. Nel and Etienne manage to stop the next assassination, but Nel is injured and Munk escapes.
The angelic couple returns to their Chicago home, Nel to recover and Etienne to check on his restaurant where he discovers Munk has followed them. During a lunchtime showdown, Munk vows to kill Etienne and then start Armageddon, but nothing prepares Etienne for Munk’s confession to the murder of his two previous wives. As if that isn’t enough for Etienne to pursue him to a death duel, Munk drives a nail into the coffin of motivation by murdering the manager of Etienne’s restaurant and kidnapping her fourteen year old son. Etienne must head off a world war and rescue the boy, but stopping his brother may cost one of them their souls.
I am seeking representation for my 91,000 word supernatural thriller, ASSASSIN’S REDEMPTION. ***short bio*** Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Jan 29, 2011
Query -Drego's Sword (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent)
War is tearing apart the countries of Cyrah. Power-hungry Gordar has killed the previous king and has ascended to the throne. Using a kidnapped seer and a ruthless assassin, Gordar is bent on finding the three gems hidden throughout the land. A single gem holds an infinite amount of magic. Whoever possesses all three will have power unlimited.
But the first of the gems has already fallen into the hands of seventeen-year-old Drego, a talented young warrior from a small coastal village. He sets out to find the last two gems and defeat Gordar, a journey that will take him throughout Cyrah, into the arms of a headstrong young woman, and to a darker, more violent part of himself he hadn’t known existed.
Drego's Sword is an epic medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.
-brief bio and such-
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent)
War is tearing apart the countries of Cyrah. Power-hungry Gordar has killed the previous king and has ascended to the throne. Using a kidnapped seer and a ruthless assassin, Gordar is bent on finding the three gems hidden throughout the land. A single gem holds an infinite amount of magic. Whoever possesses all three will have power unlimited.
But the first of the gems has already fallen into the hands of seventeen-year-old Drego, a talented young warrior from a small coastal village. He sets out to find the last two gems and defeat Gordar, a journey that will take him throughout Cyrah, into the arms of a headstrong young woman, and to a darker, more violent part of himself he hadn’t known existed.
Drego's Sword is an epic medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.
-brief bio and such-
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley
Jan 28, 2011
QUERY- PIKE PLACE
Dear Agent-Name,
I am sending this query to you because you said in an interview with GLA you are interested in thrillers.
PIKE PLACE is a 78,000-word thriller with an original female protagonist, Rachel McAlister, a former Army MP awarded the Silver Star in Afghanistan.
Rachel saved Joshua Todaro’s life on the battlefield and he gave her the bullet in gratitude. In response, she gave him her heart and they plan to be married. But her life is thrown upside down when Joshua is murdered in his Pike Place apartment, and then Rachel is framed for the murder.
Things go from bad to worse when she learns that her best friend is the prime witness for the prosecution. Anyone else would give up. Not Rachel. Now, as she goes to trial, she holds on to the only two things in the world that she can trust: her love for Joshua, and the battlefield bullet he gave her. She has to hope that somehow, someway, she can figure out who set her up before it’s too late.
A short story of mine has been published in The Sand Hill Review at Stanford. I am a member of the SF/Peninsula branch of the California Writers Club. The Bulletin of the Club has included several of my articles. I was a finalist in the novel contest at the East of Eden writers conference. I am a founding member of the West Valley Writers Group.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the manuscript immediately.
I am sending this query to you because you said in an interview with GLA you are interested in thrillers.
PIKE PLACE is a 78,000-word thriller with an original female protagonist, Rachel McAlister, a former Army MP awarded the Silver Star in Afghanistan.
Rachel saved Joshua Todaro’s life on the battlefield and he gave her the bullet in gratitude. In response, she gave him her heart and they plan to be married. But her life is thrown upside down when Joshua is murdered in his Pike Place apartment, and then Rachel is framed for the murder.
Things go from bad to worse when she learns that her best friend is the prime witness for the prosecution. Anyone else would give up. Not Rachel. Now, as she goes to trial, she holds on to the only two things in the world that she can trust: her love for Joshua, and the battlefield bullet he gave her. She has to hope that somehow, someway, she can figure out who set her up before it’s too late.
A short story of mine has been published in The Sand Hill Review at Stanford. I am a member of the SF/Peninsula branch of the California Writers Club. The Bulletin of the Club has included several of my articles. I was a finalist in the novel contest at the East of Eden writers conference. I am a founding member of the West Valley Writers Group.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be happy to send you the manuscript immediately.
Jan 27, 2011
QUERY- LOVE DRUG
Dear X,
In the distant future, a bad boy can wreak more havoc on a good girl’s life than he ever could before.
Everything’s gone wrong for Avalea Christopher. Her Soul Mate is an imposter, her parents are ready to ship her off to shadowy authority figures, never to return, and Upper Cocaigne, the city of her birth, might be keeping its citizens on a steady diet of mind control drugs.
Avalea grew up as one of Upper Cocaigne’s sparkling jewels, the pretty girls who speak well but know little. Still, she’s armed with an unorthodox amount of curiosity and willpower—and decides she’d rather take her life into her own hands than be shuffled off into the unknown. She fakes her death and escapes to Lower Cocaigne, Upper Cocaigne’s dog-eat-dog sister city.
There she’s taken in by Felis Quinn, Crew leader and Soul Mate Imposter Extraordinaire. Despite the part he played in the destruction of her life, Avalea can’t escape lingering feelings for Felis. And though she struggles to fit in with his Crew, she finds her new freedom intoxicating—too intoxicating to give up. Only it turns out she might have to: Upper Cocaigne has put a price on her head and the most powerful Crew in Lower Cocaigne has kidnapped the children of Felis’ Crew for a chance at it. Avalea knows she can save them—if she’s willing to surrender herself, and the life she never knew she needed.
LOVE DRUG is a 98,000 word YA science fiction novel, set a thousand years into Earth’s future.
Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
In the distant future, a bad boy can wreak more havoc on a good girl’s life than he ever could before.
Everything’s gone wrong for Avalea Christopher. Her Soul Mate is an imposter, her parents are ready to ship her off to shadowy authority figures, never to return, and Upper Cocaigne, the city of her birth, might be keeping its citizens on a steady diet of mind control drugs.
Avalea grew up as one of Upper Cocaigne’s sparkling jewels, the pretty girls who speak well but know little. Still, she’s armed with an unorthodox amount of curiosity and willpower—and decides she’d rather take her life into her own hands than be shuffled off into the unknown. She fakes her death and escapes to Lower Cocaigne, Upper Cocaigne’s dog-eat-dog sister city.
There she’s taken in by Felis Quinn, Crew leader and Soul Mate Imposter Extraordinaire. Despite the part he played in the destruction of her life, Avalea can’t escape lingering feelings for Felis. And though she struggles to fit in with his Crew, she finds her new freedom intoxicating—too intoxicating to give up. Only it turns out she might have to: Upper Cocaigne has put a price on her head and the most powerful Crew in Lower Cocaigne has kidnapped the children of Felis’ Crew for a chance at it. Avalea knows she can save them—if she’s willing to surrender herself, and the life she never knew she needed.
LOVE DRUG is a 98,000 word YA science fiction novel, set a thousand years into Earth’s future.
Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
Jan 26, 2011
Query - Drego's Sword (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear (agent)
How much is too violent? Drego begins to confront this question and his own mixture of brutality and playfulness as he fights when he’s thrust into a quest he had never expected: to gather the three magic gems throughout his home and use them to stop dictator Gordar and his deadly assassin, Skulta.
It begins the night of Drego’s fifteenth birthday when he finds a single gem on the coast. A woman named Laurina visits him, telling him of his destiny and that he needs to leave home to gain experience. Storing the gem in his sword’s hilt, and thus infusing his sword with magic, he does as she says. For two years, he gains experience as a warrior.
But then Gordar kills the previous king and ascends to the throne, making war on other countries and sending Skulta after the remaining two gems. Drego finds one, but the other Skulta obtains, forcing Drego to head for Gordar’s castle and a likely trap.
Drego's Sword is a medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley
Dear (agent)
How much is too violent? Drego begins to confront this question and his own mixture of brutality and playfulness as he fights when he’s thrust into a quest he had never expected: to gather the three magic gems throughout his home and use them to stop dictator Gordar and his deadly assassin, Skulta.
It begins the night of Drego’s fifteenth birthday when he finds a single gem on the coast. A woman named Laurina visits him, telling him of his destiny and that he needs to leave home to gain experience. Storing the gem in his sword’s hilt, and thus infusing his sword with magic, he does as she says. For two years, he gains experience as a warrior.
But then Gordar kills the previous king and ascends to the throne, making war on other countries and sending Skulta after the remaining two gems. Drego finds one, but the other Skulta obtains, forcing Drego to head for Gordar’s castle and a likely trap.
Drego's Sword is a medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley
Query - Drego's Sword
Dear (agent)
How much is too violent? When is it justified? Drego finds himself beginning to confront these questions when he is thrust into a quest he had never expected: to gather the three magic gems throughout his home of Faires and to use them to stop dictator Gordar and his deadly assassin, Skulta.
It begins the night of Drego’s fifteenth birthday when he finds a single gem on the coast. A woman named Laurina visits him that night, telling him that he’s meant to rebalance good and evil and that he needed to leave home to gain experience. Storing the gem in his sword’s hilt, and thus infusing his sword with magic, Drego does as she says. For two years he gains experience as a warrior.
But then Gordar kills the previous king and ascends to the throne, making war on other countries and sending Skulta after the remaining two gems. Drego befriends opinionated Toey, optimistic Tak, and Allendra who has a wanderlust, as they set out to get the other two gems. The first they find in the catacombs, the other near the peak of a volcano. However, Skulta gets the last one first, forcing them to head for Gordar’s castle and a likely trap.
On the way, Allendra is trained how to fight and she and Drego’s friendship began to deepen into something more. Tak is sold as a slave into the gold mines. After his rescue, they hear word of an army heading to Gordar’s castle to take it.
They join, and Drego sneaks alone into the castle, kills Gordar and Skulta, and retrieves the final gem. Drego is in awe at his own skill in the art of battle, and questions his mixture of brutality and playfulness when he fights. All three gems in his sword hilt give him tremendous power. Laurina congratulates him, but warns him that there is more serious evil that he will soon have to face.
Drego's Sword is a medieval fantasy that is 94, 499 words in length. It is the first book in a series. Although the content in this first installment is not too harsh, this is a young adult series.
(brief bio)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
How much is too violent? When is it justified? Drego finds himself beginning to confront these questions when he is thrust into a quest he had never expected: to gather the three magic gems throughout his home of Faires and to use them to stop dictator Gordar and his deadly assassin, Skulta.
It begins the night of Drego’s fifteenth birthday when he finds a single gem on the coast. A woman named Laurina visits him that night, telling him that he’s meant to rebalance good and evil and that he needed to leave home to gain experience. Storing the gem in his sword’s hilt, and thus infusing his sword with magic, Drego does as she says. For two years he gains experience as a warrior.
But then Gordar kills the previous king and ascends to the throne, making war on other countries and sending Skulta after the remaining two gems. Drego befriends opinionated Toey, optimistic Tak, and Allendra who has a wanderlust, as they set out to get the other two gems. The first they find in the catacombs, the other near the peak of a volcano. However, Skulta gets the last one first, forcing them to head for Gordar’s castle and a likely trap.
On the way, Allendra is trained how to fight and she and Drego’s friendship began to deepen into something more. Tak is sold as a slave into the gold mines. After his rescue, they hear word of an army heading to Gordar’s castle to take it.
They join, and Drego sneaks alone into the castle, kills Gordar and Skulta, and retrieves the final gem. Drego is in awe at his own skill in the art of battle, and questions his mixture of brutality and playfulness when he fights. All three gems in his sword hilt give him tremendous power. Laurina congratulates him, but warns him that there is more serious evil that he will soon have to face.
Drego's Sword is a medieval fantasy that is 94, 499 words in length. It is the first book in a series. Although the content in this first installment is not too harsh, this is a young adult series.
(brief bio)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jan 24, 2011
QUERY: Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Thanks for all the input! I focused much more on the characters and their actions this time.
Dear [Agent],
The enemy that created him has cursed the powerful wizard, Master Tigon, with long life. This power has allowed him to watch civilizations rise and fall. Now it’s humanities turn.
Determined not to let this happen he travels to Atala, an ancient castle and home to the mighty Centaurs. There he finds Deminar, warrior prince and last hope of the world. Together the old wizard, the hero prince of Atala, and two Royal guards embark on a journey through an ancient portal to a foreign land. They travel to present day Earth.
After going above and beyond the call of duty to rescue the president, Captain Nolan Fields of the US Marine Corps is given a new company to command, Alpha Company First Recon Division, the best of the best. This company of Marines will join the knights on their journey and will be the first envoys to a new world. They will be part of the Earth’s First Contact with an alien civilization.
But, First Contact is a disaster. The team of marines is ambushed, some of them captured. Now Captain Fields and Prince Deminar must battle against two technologically advanced races; the unstoppable horde of the space-dwelling Nephilim and the Nano-machine powered Neila. But to save this planet these two soldiers from different worlds must unite humanity, for if they fail Earth will be next.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Thanks for all the input! I focused much more on the characters and their actions this time.
Dear [Agent],
The enemy that created him has cursed the powerful wizard, Master Tigon, with long life. This power has allowed him to watch civilizations rise and fall. Now it’s humanities turn.
Determined not to let this happen he travels to Atala, an ancient castle and home to the mighty Centaurs. There he finds Deminar, warrior prince and last hope of the world. Together the old wizard, the hero prince of Atala, and two Royal guards embark on a journey through an ancient portal to a foreign land. They travel to present day Earth.
After going above and beyond the call of duty to rescue the president, Captain Nolan Fields of the US Marine Corps is given a new company to command, Alpha Company First Recon Division, the best of the best. This company of Marines will join the knights on their journey and will be the first envoys to a new world. They will be part of the Earth’s First Contact with an alien civilization.
But, First Contact is a disaster. The team of marines is ambushed, some of them captured. Now Captain Fields and Prince Deminar must battle against two technologically advanced races; the unstoppable horde of the space-dwelling Nephilim and the Nano-machine powered Neila. But to save this planet these two soldiers from different worlds must unite humanity, for if they fail Earth will be next.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
QUERY: Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance
Dear [Agent],
An ancient Wizard has a vision, of war and death. A titanic clash between Centaur Steel and Nephilim shield swords. High above the planet space ships clash, the wounded and dead falling back to the surface in flames. But there is more to this war than the knights of Aztlan and the gray Nephilim aliens. The shape shifting monsters of Neila attack the flanks of the armies, while soldiers and tanks bearing the flags of our world lead the charge. Under the heels of these four armies run crimson rivers of blood and the tears of survival.
Now the wizard must unite two human worlds together to stand against a powerful alien foe.
The world's only hope of survival are the seven Pantheons of Light and Destruction, ancient temples long forgotten in the sands of time. United together they hold unlimited power, but the Nephilim have a head start, all that stands between them and victory is a US Marine Captain and a Warrior Prince.
Humanity faces destruction. Out gunned and out manned its fate seems sealed, but humanity has one advantage. It excels at war.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
An ancient Wizard has a vision, of war and death. A titanic clash between Centaur Steel and Nephilim shield swords. High above the planet space ships clash, the wounded and dead falling back to the surface in flames. But there is more to this war than the knights of Aztlan and the gray Nephilim aliens. The shape shifting monsters of Neila attack the flanks of the armies, while soldiers and tanks bearing the flags of our world lead the charge. Under the heels of these four armies run crimson rivers of blood and the tears of survival.
Now the wizard must unite two human worlds together to stand against a powerful alien foe.
The world's only hope of survival are the seven Pantheons of Light and Destruction, ancient temples long forgotten in the sands of time. United together they hold unlimited power, but the Nephilim have a head start, all that stands between them and victory is a US Marine Captain and a Warrior Prince.
Humanity faces destruction. Out gunned and out manned its fate seems sealed, but humanity has one advantage. It excels at war.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Jan 19, 2011
QUERY-SUPERNATURAL (FIRST REVISION)
Click here to read the original query.
Abbie Liddell loves research, hates shrinks, and should be able to communicate with the dead.
Abbie has a psychic gift. But it’s buried within a repressed memory. Sure, she’s moved to the Queen Anne Institute of Parapsychology to uncover it. It’s just safer not to. Plus, why worry about her own past when she could be snooping through the Institute’s? Especially when it looks like the Institute is covering up another recruit’s murder. But as she’s looking into them, she finds they’re watching her. And they’re not the only ones.
Ballard is sexy and dangerous and Abbie wants nothing to do with him. But he’s been watching Abbie her whole life. Watching her in visions of the future. And her future looks worse than her past.
The Institute is desperate to contact a spirit. Desperate enough to perform a procedure on Abbie in three days to crack open her gift. They don’t care if it leaves her dead.
Remembering the two weeks her mind banished from her psyche in order to protect itself sixteen years ago may leave her wanting to die. But not remembering will kill her.
SUPERNATURAL is an adult paranormal suspense. It is complete at 125,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Abbie Liddell loves research, hates shrinks, and should be able to communicate with the dead.
Abbie has a psychic gift. But it’s buried within a repressed memory. Sure, she’s moved to the Queen Anne Institute of Parapsychology to uncover it. It’s just safer not to. Plus, why worry about her own past when she could be snooping through the Institute’s? Especially when it looks like the Institute is covering up another recruit’s murder. But as she’s looking into them, she finds they’re watching her. And they’re not the only ones.
Ballard is sexy and dangerous and Abbie wants nothing to do with him. But he’s been watching Abbie her whole life. Watching her in visions of the future. And her future looks worse than her past.
The Institute is desperate to contact a spirit. Desperate enough to perform a procedure on Abbie in three days to crack open her gift. They don’t care if it leaves her dead.
Remembering the two weeks her mind banished from her psyche in order to protect itself sixteen years ago may leave her wanting to die. But not remembering will kill her.
SUPERNATURAL is an adult paranormal suspense. It is complete at 125,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jan 18, 2011
QUERY-SUPERNATURAL
Abbie Liddell takes two pills two times a day. She takes two in the morning to numb the fear. She takes two at night to sleep. She swallows them in secret.
The parapsychology institute where she lives forbids prescription medications. Prescriptions only repress psychic gifts, and the Institute doesn’t dabble in the ordinary.
Abbie should be trying to uncover her gift to communicate with the dead. But it’s just safer not to. Her ability is buried within a repressed memory of the two weeks she went missing when she was eight. And the mind buries these things for a reason. The institute’s other recruits should know.
One recruit’s gift surfaced because of an event that broke her so bad she tried to drown herself in the Mississippi river. When another recruit’s gift surfaced, he realized taking another person’s life, good or bad, changes someone. Takes something away from your soul or puts something else in. The other recruits haven’t been the same since.
But the Institute is desperate for Abbie to contact a spirit. So desperate they will perform a procedure on her in three days to crack open her gift. They don’t care if it leaves her dead.
Remembering the two weeks her mind banished from her psyche in order to protect itself sixteen years ago may leave her wanting to die. But not remembering may kill her.
SUPERNATURAL is a paranormal suspense. It is complete at 125,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The parapsychology institute where she lives forbids prescription medications. Prescriptions only repress psychic gifts, and the Institute doesn’t dabble in the ordinary.
Abbie should be trying to uncover her gift to communicate with the dead. But it’s just safer not to. Her ability is buried within a repressed memory of the two weeks she went missing when she was eight. And the mind buries these things for a reason. The institute’s other recruits should know.
One recruit’s gift surfaced because of an event that broke her so bad she tried to drown herself in the Mississippi river. When another recruit’s gift surfaced, he realized taking another person’s life, good or bad, changes someone. Takes something away from your soul or puts something else in. The other recruits haven’t been the same since.
But the Institute is desperate for Abbie to contact a spirit. So desperate they will perform a procedure on her in three days to crack open her gift. They don’t care if it leaves her dead.
Remembering the two weeks her mind banished from her psyche in order to protect itself sixteen years ago may leave her wanting to die. But not remembering may kill her.
SUPERNATURAL is a paranormal suspense. It is complete at 125,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jan 17, 2011
Query- Second Hand News
Dear Agent:
They both needed a way to start over again and get it right this time.
Twenty years have passed since Gail first saw Tony Cimino behind the counter of his father's pizza shop. The first time was a chance encounter she is certain he would not remember. She doesn't know yet that he is her second chance at happiness and tries to push him out of her life. But Tony, a man who knows what he wants and sees it in Gail, is not going to give up so easily.
Second Hand News is about family, the invisible older sister, the vain, status conscience mother and "pretty" younger sister; a story of fun, friendships and final vindication, woven with the antics of a feisty, hilarious Bubbie; the mortar between the bricks. Add Gail's supporting characters; the young Dominican girl who befriends her, the gun-toting ex-vet who helps her, her out of bounds girlfriends, hot dates and two people falling in love.
Chaos rules, as Bubbie escapes from assisted living, moves into her granddaughter's small apartment, and entertains the neighbors singing Ethel Merman tunes late at night in the elevator. Gail fends off dates arranged by her mother and sister, squashes a Yuppie co-op conversion, and uses her wit and talent to find a new career.
Second Hand News, complete at 80,000 words, romantic women's fiction, explores how two people find a better way to live.
I found your name (Insert pertinent agent information) I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Respectfully,
===================================
CHAPTER ONE
Three of us sat on a cold, wooden bench in the judge's chamber and waited. It was a long day and seven others had already finished and been escorted to the next room to sign papers and get a receipt, pending the official document.
When it was my turn, I stood to answer three questions: 1) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, 2) Do you Gail Goldblum Silverstein wish to contest this action, and 3) Do you wish to return to your maiden name?
Nothing came out of my mouth and the girl next to me pulled the edge of my jacket and snapped, "Say something, and let's get the hell out of here."
I gulped, answered each question, and it was done.
We were alone in the room with the judge and his bailiff, who pointed, "This way, miss."
I was officially an ex-wife.
They both needed a way to start over again and get it right this time.
Twenty years have passed since Gail first saw Tony Cimino behind the counter of his father's pizza shop. The first time was a chance encounter she is certain he would not remember. She doesn't know yet that he is her second chance at happiness and tries to push him out of her life. But Tony, a man who knows what he wants and sees it in Gail, is not going to give up so easily.
Second Hand News is about family, the invisible older sister, the vain, status conscience mother and "pretty" younger sister; a story of fun, friendships and final vindication, woven with the antics of a feisty, hilarious Bubbie; the mortar between the bricks. Add Gail's supporting characters; the young Dominican girl who befriends her, the gun-toting ex-vet who helps her, her out of bounds girlfriends, hot dates and two people falling in love.
Chaos rules, as Bubbie escapes from assisted living, moves into her granddaughter's small apartment, and entertains the neighbors singing Ethel Merman tunes late at night in the elevator. Gail fends off dates arranged by her mother and sister, squashes a Yuppie co-op conversion, and uses her wit and talent to find a new career.
Second Hand News, complete at 80,000 words, romantic women's fiction, explores how two people find a better way to live.
I found your name (Insert pertinent agent information) I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Respectfully,
===================================
CHAPTER ONE
Three of us sat on a cold, wooden bench in the judge's chamber and waited. It was a long day and seven others had already finished and been escorted to the next room to sign papers and get a receipt, pending the official document.
When it was my turn, I stood to answer three questions: 1) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, 2) Do you Gail Goldblum Silverstein wish to contest this action, and 3) Do you wish to return to your maiden name?
Nothing came out of my mouth and the girl next to me pulled the edge of my jacket and snapped, "Say something, and let's get the hell out of here."
I gulped, answered each question, and it was done.
We were alone in the room with the judge and his bailiff, who pointed, "This way, miss."
I was officially an ex-wife.
Jan 14, 2011
Query, Sacred Fire
Tuccia trembles at her trial as she waits to be executed for a crime she did not commit: losing her virginity. For other Roman women, this would not be an offense, but for a priestess of Vesta, such a sin could displease the gods and condemn Rome to ruin.
Tuccia’s accuser is an angry priest who failed to seduce her. With a priest’s testimony against her, no one will believe Tuccia is innocent. There’s only one person who can save her life: the goddess Vesta. If Vesta will allow Tuccia to perform a miracle, it will prove that she’s favored of the gods.
Tuccia has distrusted Vesta ever since a Vestal Virgin was wrongly accused and executed for the same crime. She must depend on Vesta now, because if she doesn’t save her, Tuccia has no hope of surviving.
Sacred Fire is a historical fiction of 88,000 words. It is based on a true story.
Tuccia’s accuser is an angry priest who failed to seduce her. With a priest’s testimony against her, no one will believe Tuccia is innocent. There’s only one person who can save her life: the goddess Vesta. If Vesta will allow Tuccia to perform a miracle, it will prove that she’s favored of the gods.
Tuccia has distrusted Vesta ever since a Vestal Virgin was wrongly accused and executed for the same crime. She must depend on Vesta now, because if she doesn’t save her, Tuccia has no hope of surviving.
Sacred Fire is a historical fiction of 88,000 words. It is based on a true story.
Query: Nepenthe (third revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Kate is twenty-three years old, has just started up her own café, and is addicted to adrenaline. Michael, a ghost, teaches her to convert the fear that people naturally feel in his presence, and turn it into an adrenaline rush. It’s a harmless thrill, until the ghost wants her dead.
Michael has been wandering the earth alone since he died in the 1800’s, looking for distractions to help him forget painful memories of his life. If Kate becomes a ghost and stays with him, he promises to teach her how to forget the traumatic event in her past that has been driving her need for adrenaline fixes. Memory loss and walking through walls aren’t enough to entice Kate to die.
When Kate asks Michael to leave, his volatile emotions hurl objects and break glass. When Michael finds Kate and her boyfriend on a date at the fair, the entire hall of mirrors shatters.
Michael begins to haunt Kate exclusively by forming a ghost bind to her, hoping that his constant adrenaline giving presence with convince Kate that she needs him. She is unable to escape Michael, which puts her boyfriend in Michael's reach if her boyfriend gets too close. Kate’s boyfriend isn’t willing to give up on her.
Kate’s life isn’t the only one she has to fight for.
NEPENTHE is a paranormal romance of 101,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Kate is twenty-three years old, has just started up her own café, and is addicted to adrenaline. Michael, a ghost, teaches her to convert the fear that people naturally feel in his presence, and turn it into an adrenaline rush. It’s a harmless thrill, until the ghost wants her dead.
Michael has been wandering the earth alone since he died in the 1800’s, looking for distractions to help him forget painful memories of his life. If Kate becomes a ghost and stays with him, he promises to teach her how to forget the traumatic event in her past that has been driving her need for adrenaline fixes. Memory loss and walking through walls aren’t enough to entice Kate to die.
When Kate asks Michael to leave, his volatile emotions hurl objects and break glass. When Michael finds Kate and her boyfriend on a date at the fair, the entire hall of mirrors shatters.
Michael begins to haunt Kate exclusively by forming a ghost bind to her, hoping that his constant adrenaline giving presence with convince Kate that she needs him. She is unable to escape Michael, which puts her boyfriend in Michael's reach if her boyfriend gets too close. Kate’s boyfriend isn’t willing to give up on her.
Kate’s life isn’t the only one she has to fight for.
NEPENTHE is a paranormal romance of 101,000 words.
Jan 13, 2011
QUERY- WALKING OFF PLUTO (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
WALKING OFF PLUTO examines the impact of grief on the lives of two sisters and the wayward young man who helps them to realize that everyone grieves, just in different ways. Some people cry and openly express their feelings, but for others, it feels like a journey across the universe just to begin the process. If you start to grieve, will you ever stop grieving?
Seventeen-year-old Lynn refuses to grieve for her dying father. She doesn't want to end up like her older sister, Chloe, sucked in an endless black hole of tears, broken dishes, pills, and unfinished sentences. Instead, Lynn becomes obsessed with outer space, especially Pluto, an outcast in the solar system. Feeling out of orbit with her dysfunctional family, she spends most of her time alone with her telescope, trying to find the impossible-to-find rejected planet.
Chloe attempts to crack through Lynn's self-created shell by destroying Lynn's telescope and freedom to leave the house after dark but ends up pushing Lynn into further isolation. Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even reacting to a slap across the face, until she befriends Peter.
Peter is an actor pretending to be sick. Or a cancer patient. Or he has an eating disorder. Bottom line, he's not well physically, but mentally he's off the chart. He speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Lynn initially uses him as a distraction away from her family and for sex, but Peter views their encounters as the beginnings of a relationship. When Peter opens up about his own experiences with loss, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father's death and grieve for him, she'll never be able to love anyone.
My young adult novel is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
WALKING OFF PLUTO examines the impact of grief on the lives of two sisters and the wayward young man who helps them to realize that everyone grieves, just in different ways. Some people cry and openly express their feelings, but for others, it feels like a journey across the universe just to begin the process. If you start to grieve, will you ever stop grieving?
Seventeen-year-old Lynn refuses to grieve for her dying father. She doesn't want to end up like her older sister, Chloe, sucked in an endless black hole of tears, broken dishes, pills, and unfinished sentences. Instead, Lynn becomes obsessed with outer space, especially Pluto, an outcast in the solar system. Feeling out of orbit with her dysfunctional family, she spends most of her time alone with her telescope, trying to find the impossible-to-find rejected planet.
Chloe attempts to crack through Lynn's self-created shell by destroying Lynn's telescope and freedom to leave the house after dark but ends up pushing Lynn into further isolation. Lynn becomes practically inhuman, not even reacting to a slap across the face, until she befriends Peter.
Peter is an actor pretending to be sick. Or a cancer patient. Or he has an eating disorder. Bottom line, he's not well physically, but mentally he's off the chart. He speaks his mind, yet lies constantly, and thinks Pluto will always be a planet at heart. Lynn initially uses him as a distraction away from her family and for sex, but Peter views their encounters as the beginnings of a relationship. When Peter opens up about his own experiences with loss, Lynn realizes that if she doesn't face her father's death and grieve for him, she'll never be able to love anyone.
My young adult novel is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jan 10, 2011
Query - The Discovery of Lumina (revised, formerly The Paw Shake Portal)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear (Agent):
In the month of March, eleven-year-old Alex Locklin makes three significant discoveries. First, he learns that his family is moving in June. Then he realizes he’s growing apart from his two best friends. But his greatest discovery is a secret: the stray cat in his back yard and the new girl in his neighborhood are the same being.
Lumina reveals her half-cat, half-human identity to Alex in hopes that he can help her. She is a member of the royal cat family, and they are being threatened by an enemy army of cats called Alley Scratch. In order to gain the strength and endurance she needs to fight them, Lumina has to form a “bond of trust” with a human. The more their friendship grows, the stronger she will become.
Alex eagerly volunteers to form this bond, and as a result, he’s swept into the affairs of the far away Animal World. He helps Lumina investigate her sister’s suspicious boyfriend and attempts to make peace with aggressive animals. But the clock is ticking. Moving day is imminent, and so are Alley Scratch’s attacks on Lumina’s family. Although Lumina is energized by the bond, Alex refuses to stand idle. He will stop at nothing to protect his new friends… even if their days together are numbered.
THE DISCOVERY OF LUMINA is a middle grade novel complete at 30,000 words. (Reason for querying specific agent here.)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
(Author's note: I posted previous queries for the same book under its old title, The Paw Shake Portal. I realized that my last query didn't accurately reflect the most important points of my book, so this is a new angle on the same story. Any suggestions are appreciated!)
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear (Agent):
In the month of March, eleven-year-old Alex Locklin makes three significant discoveries. First, he learns that his family is moving in June. Then he realizes he’s growing apart from his two best friends. But his greatest discovery is a secret: the stray cat in his back yard and the new girl in his neighborhood are the same being.
Lumina reveals her half-cat, half-human identity to Alex in hopes that he can help her. She is a member of the royal cat family, and they are being threatened by an enemy army of cats called Alley Scratch. In order to gain the strength and endurance she needs to fight them, Lumina has to form a “bond of trust” with a human. The more their friendship grows, the stronger she will become.
Alex eagerly volunteers to form this bond, and as a result, he’s swept into the affairs of the far away Animal World. He helps Lumina investigate her sister’s suspicious boyfriend and attempts to make peace with aggressive animals. But the clock is ticking. Moving day is imminent, and so are Alley Scratch’s attacks on Lumina’s family. Although Lumina is energized by the bond, Alex refuses to stand idle. He will stop at nothing to protect his new friends… even if their days together are numbered.
THE DISCOVERY OF LUMINA is a middle grade novel complete at 30,000 words. (Reason for querying specific agent here.)
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
(Author's note: I posted previous queries for the same book under its old title, The Paw Shake Portal. I realized that my last query didn't accurately reflect the most important points of my book, so this is a new angle on the same story. Any suggestions are appreciated!)
Jan 8, 2011
QUERY - ORDO ABCHAO
Dear [Agent Name],
This is year zero, the year of the invasion. Blood-thirsty aliens roam the streets of every megacity during the day, while at night backstabbing thugs known as vultures hunt, kill and scavenge the houses of the remaining survivors. The armies of the world are powerless. The end of mankind is near.
Robert "Bobby" Mensah has two weeks of food supplies left. Most of his neighbors are either dead or dying, killed or about to be killed by either angels, vultures, the army, starvation or worse. Every night on GNN, Jude Delphi and the panel discuss the daily death tolls, but Bobby's no hero, Bobby only cares about his survival.
When Bobby decides to trade for food with a local vulture, the resulting gunfight leaves him with two dead bodies in his front yard and a bag full of food supplies. But when his neighbor Julie steals the bag, she leaves him with no food, with nowhere to go, and with a gang of trigger-happy vultures hellbent on killing him. Kill or be killed, Bobby will need to kill to survive, and Bobby will need to decide how far he is willing to go to stay alive.
ORDO ABCHAO is a post-apocalyptic science fiction novel complete at 58,000 words, the first of a five book series of First Person Shooter Punk (FPS-Punk). I'm the father of FPS-Punk, a convergence between video gaming and literature, and I also maintain a blog on video gaming.
Best,
Gareth Mensah.
This is year zero, the year of the invasion. Blood-thirsty aliens roam the streets of every megacity during the day, while at night backstabbing thugs known as vultures hunt, kill and scavenge the houses of the remaining survivors. The armies of the world are powerless. The end of mankind is near.
Robert "Bobby" Mensah has two weeks of food supplies left. Most of his neighbors are either dead or dying, killed or about to be killed by either angels, vultures, the army, starvation or worse. Every night on GNN, Jude Delphi and the panel discuss the daily death tolls, but Bobby's no hero, Bobby only cares about his survival.
When Bobby decides to trade for food with a local vulture, the resulting gunfight leaves him with two dead bodies in his front yard and a bag full of food supplies. But when his neighbor Julie steals the bag, she leaves him with no food, with nowhere to go, and with a gang of trigger-happy vultures hellbent on killing him. Kill or be killed, Bobby will need to kill to survive, and Bobby will need to decide how far he is willing to go to stay alive.
ORDO ABCHAO is a post-apocalyptic science fiction novel complete at 58,000 words, the first of a five book series of First Person Shooter Punk (FPS-Punk). I'm the father of FPS-Punk, a convergence between video gaming and literature, and I also maintain a blog on video gaming.
Best,
Gareth Mensah.
Jan 6, 2011
Query: Nepenthe (Second Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
After her fiancé dies in a car accident she feels is her fault, Kate wants to forget it happened. Kate meets Michael, a ghost, who is drawn to her by similar feelings of regret. The fear based adrenaline high Kate gets from Michael is an addicting escape. Michael promises to teach Kate how to forget her past permanently if she will become a ghost with him. Memory loss and walking through walls aren’t enough to entice Kate to die.
When Kate asks Michael to leave, his volatile emotions hurl objects and break glass. When Michael walks in on Kate during a date with her new boyfriend at the county fair, the entire fun house hall of mirrors shatters.
Determined not to lose Kate, Michael gives up wandering the earth freely to haunt Kate exclusively by forming a ghost bind to her. Kate must keep her now constant, ghost companion away from her boyfriend since Michael has vowed to kill him. Yeah, Kate is really won over by Michael now.
Kate discovers that if she can rid herself of the regret that drew Michael to her, she will be able to banish him. But Kate can’t let go of her guilt. And, despite Kate’s precautions, Michael just found a way to get at her boyfriend.
Nepenthe is a paranormal romance of 112,500 words
Click here to read the first revision.
After her fiancé dies in a car accident she feels is her fault, Kate wants to forget it happened. Kate meets Michael, a ghost, who is drawn to her by similar feelings of regret. The fear based adrenaline high Kate gets from Michael is an addicting escape. Michael promises to teach Kate how to forget her past permanently if she will become a ghost with him. Memory loss and walking through walls aren’t enough to entice Kate to die.
When Kate asks Michael to leave, his volatile emotions hurl objects and break glass. When Michael walks in on Kate during a date with her new boyfriend at the county fair, the entire fun house hall of mirrors shatters.
Determined not to lose Kate, Michael gives up wandering the earth freely to haunt Kate exclusively by forming a ghost bind to her. Kate must keep her now constant, ghost companion away from her boyfriend since Michael has vowed to kill him. Yeah, Kate is really won over by Michael now.
Kate discovers that if she can rid herself of the regret that drew Michael to her, she will be able to banish him. But Kate can’t let go of her guilt. And, despite Kate’s precautions, Michael just found a way to get at her boyfriend.
Nepenthe is a paranormal romance of 112,500 words
Jan 4, 2011
Query: Nepenthe (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
To distract her from guilt, Kate turns her fear of a ghost into an adrenaline rush. That is, until the ghost wants her to become one too.
After her fiancé dies in a car accident she feels is her fault, Kate meets Michael, a ghost who is drawn to her by similar feelings of regret. She not only learns to get a high from his presence, but gets to experience what it’s like to be a ghost when Michael pulls her soul out of her body while she sleeps. Kate knows Michael is lonely, but has no idea what he’ll do to keep her with him.
When Kate becomes accustomed to the adrenaline and her high wanes, Michael asks her to die and choose to become a ghost with him. If she does, Michael promises to teach her how to forget her past permanently. Memory loss and walking through walls aren’t enough to entice Kate to die. She asks Michael to leave. Determined not to lose her, Michael gives up being earthbound and binds to Kate so he haunts her specifically. She is unable to escape Michael’s volatile emotions, which can hurl objects and break glass. Yeah, Kate is really won over now.
Mostly she is worried about keeping those close to her safe from Michael’s presence. When Kate’s relationship with her mountain biking partner, Ethan, moves past platonic, Michael vows to remove him permanently. Kate’s life is no longer the only one she has to fight for.
NEPENTHE is a paranormal romance of 112,500 words. The manuscript is complete, and can be sent to you right away.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
To distract her from guilt, Kate turns her fear of a ghost into an adrenaline rush. That is, until the ghost wants her to become one too.
After her fiancé dies in a car accident she feels is her fault, Kate meets Michael, a ghost who is drawn to her by similar feelings of regret. She not only learns to get a high from his presence, but gets to experience what it’s like to be a ghost when Michael pulls her soul out of her body while she sleeps. Kate knows Michael is lonely, but has no idea what he’ll do to keep her with him.
When Kate becomes accustomed to the adrenaline and her high wanes, Michael asks her to die and choose to become a ghost with him. If she does, Michael promises to teach her how to forget her past permanently. Memory loss and walking through walls aren’t enough to entice Kate to die. She asks Michael to leave. Determined not to lose her, Michael gives up being earthbound and binds to Kate so he haunts her specifically. She is unable to escape Michael’s volatile emotions, which can hurl objects and break glass. Yeah, Kate is really won over now.
Mostly she is worried about keeping those close to her safe from Michael’s presence. When Kate’s relationship with her mountain biking partner, Ethan, moves past platonic, Michael vows to remove him permanently. Kate’s life is no longer the only one she has to fight for.
NEPENTHE is a paranormal romance of 112,500 words. The manuscript is complete, and can be sent to you right away.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Jan 3, 2011
Query: Nepenthe
Dear__________,
Kate finds that turning her fear of a ghost into an adrenaline rush is a great distraction from unresolved, past issues. That is, until the ghost almost kills her.
Michael, a particularly powerful ghost, wants Kate to die and choose to stay as a ghost with him. He pulls her soul out of her body while she sleeps so she can experience what it’s like. Kate seriously considers becoming one permanently, but there are reasons to live.
One of those reasons is Ethan, who is quickly becoming more than a friend. Michael will do anything to get rid of Ethan, and Kate is kicking herself for being too bent on an adrenaline high to consider the town psychic when she warned her about Michael’s true identity. Kate’s life is no longer the only one she has to fight for.
Set in the small mountain town of Waterton, Alberta, NEPENTHE is a paranormal romance of 112,500 words. It is my first novel. The manuscript is complete, has undergone a manuscript evaluation and copy edit, and can be sent to you right away.
Thank you for your consideration,
Kate finds that turning her fear of a ghost into an adrenaline rush is a great distraction from unresolved, past issues. That is, until the ghost almost kills her.
Michael, a particularly powerful ghost, wants Kate to die and choose to stay as a ghost with him. He pulls her soul out of her body while she sleeps so she can experience what it’s like. Kate seriously considers becoming one permanently, but there are reasons to live.
One of those reasons is Ethan, who is quickly becoming more than a friend. Michael will do anything to get rid of Ethan, and Kate is kicking herself for being too bent on an adrenaline high to consider the town psychic when she warned her about Michael’s true identity. Kate’s life is no longer the only one she has to fight for.
Set in the small mountain town of Waterton, Alberta, NEPENTHE is a paranormal romance of 112,500 words. It is my first novel. The manuscript is complete, has undergone a manuscript evaluation and copy edit, and can be sent to you right away.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jan 2, 2011
QUERY- WALKING OFF PLUTO
Dear __________,
Pluto is no longer a planet. Lynn’s father is dying. She cannot grieve for him. She hates him too much. Pluto is an outcast in the solar system. Lynn is an outcast in her family. She feels out of orbit when she is around them. She cannot tolerate their tears, screams, broken dishes, pills, and unfinished sentences. She’d rather be alone. And then she meets Peter.
WALKING OFF PLUTO examines the impact of grief on the lives of two sisters and a wayward young man who helps them to realize that everyone grieves, just in different ways. Seventeen-year-old Lynn burrows herself in the comfort of the sky while her older sister, Chloe, seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell. But the only thing that can break through Lynn is Lynn. And it will feel like a journey across the universe to figure that out.
My young adult novel is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Little excerpt:
Lynn gazes through her black and white telescope and sees what she wants to see. A gush of wind flings black hair over her forehead, blocking her view of the starry winter night. She brushes the strands back with her fingers, careful not to touch the scope. She has it positioned and zoomed exactly the way she wants it.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Someone is walking up the hill—the dying leaves crumble under knee-high boots. She should be startled, but it’s only her sister, Chloe.
Pluto is no longer a planet. Lynn’s father is dying. She cannot grieve for him. She hates him too much. Pluto is an outcast in the solar system. Lynn is an outcast in her family. She feels out of orbit when she is around them. She cannot tolerate their tears, screams, broken dishes, pills, and unfinished sentences. She’d rather be alone. And then she meets Peter.
WALKING OFF PLUTO examines the impact of grief on the lives of two sisters and a wayward young man who helps them to realize that everyone grieves, just in different ways. Seventeen-year-old Lynn burrows herself in the comfort of the sky while her older sister, Chloe, seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell. But the only thing that can break through Lynn is Lynn. And it will feel like a journey across the universe to figure that out.
My young adult novel is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Little excerpt:
Lynn gazes through her black and white telescope and sees what she wants to see. A gush of wind flings black hair over her forehead, blocking her view of the starry winter night. She brushes the strands back with her fingers, careful not to touch the scope. She has it positioned and zoomed exactly the way she wants it.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Someone is walking up the hill—the dying leaves crumble under knee-high boots. She should be startled, but it’s only her sister, Chloe.
Dec 23, 2010
Query- All Because of You (Fourth Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear [Agent Name],
Forced to commit murder in order to survive, Adelaide Banvard can’t rid herself of the demon in her mind. Faithful to the end, she’s stood at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the only asset capable of keeping her violent tendencies at bay. For the past ten years, she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands as she grows eager to take control of her own life, one that doesn’t consist of orders and demands.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization, battles the illusions in her head, and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is suspenseful commercial fiction complete at 75,000 words. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia. I have included [whatever they request] per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear [Agent Name],
Forced to commit murder in order to survive, Adelaide Banvard can’t rid herself of the demon in her mind. Faithful to the end, she’s stood at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the only asset capable of keeping her violent tendencies at bay. For the past ten years, she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands as she grows eager to take control of her own life, one that doesn’t consist of orders and demands.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization, battles the illusions in her head, and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is suspenseful commercial fiction complete at 75,000 words. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia. I have included [whatever they request] per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dec 17, 2010
Query: Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost.
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Two months before Lizzie is to leave for Brooklyn to complete a project for her parents, her mother sends her Aunt Annie May's giant tramp steamer trunk and her theatrical trunk from The Belasco. Her instructions are to help Annie get to the stage door of the theatre by first call to meet her true love, Dan "Curley" O'Brien.
A simple task but for the fact Annie May, once a successful musical star on Broadway, has been dead for twenty-seven years.
Lizzie traveled the globe for years, trying to run away from herself. Once settled in Brooklyn, she begings to confront her past and her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart. While they begin to rebuild their burned bridges and Curley waits each night at the stage door of the Belasco Theatre, time is running out for Annie.
Lizzie must learn how to use her long dormant power of enchantment before her aunt is lost for eternity in the cold gray fog between two worlds and she is killed by three evil faires bent on capturing her soul and her gift.
Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 90,000 words attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.
I have read your website and believe my work reflects the work of other authors you currently represent. A romance novel, what sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage, the Bishop of Broadway himself and a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehersal and the lights never go out.
==================================
CHAPTER ONE
My mother carried me to the attic for years, at first holding me in her arms and then later, guiding me up the long circular staircase leading from the second floor hall.
She explained that what looked like a giant's suitcase was a trunk. She told me what it was called and as the late afternoon sun angled through the tiny dormer window above us, she opened its four compartments to show me its magical contents. "This was your Aunt Annie's trunk. She's an angel in heaven now, but she left this for you, Elizabeth."
She loved to tell me about my aunt's life as a Broadway star, read from newspapers and magazines and brought her to life for me. "This is the dress Aunt Annie wore the night she won a very big award, called the Toni."
My questions about her were endless. "If she left the trunk to me, why can't I have it in my bedroom?"
"You're still too young, Elizabeth."
"When I get older enough, can I wear her pretty dresses?"
"No dear, those dresses are for you to hold, not to wear."
I loved to play in the dark corners of the attic, peeking into the boxes of my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes; an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform, trophies and photographs, dusty lamps and some old furniture. The attic was a child's playground, and being too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their treasures and imagined stories of them. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of Annie May.
The first time I saw her, she was pale and gray, like smoke curling up from the corner of the room. I was six and went to the attic to play with my sister's pompoms. I walked slowly toward the corner of the room where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof.
I thought I saw her smile. "Hello?"
A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth," and in an instant the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Two months before Lizzie is to leave for Brooklyn to complete a project for her parents, her mother sends her Aunt Annie May's giant tramp steamer trunk and her theatrical trunk from The Belasco. Her instructions are to help Annie get to the stage door of the theatre by first call to meet her true love, Dan "Curley" O'Brien.
A simple task but for the fact Annie May, once a successful musical star on Broadway, has been dead for twenty-seven years.
Lizzie traveled the globe for years, trying to run away from herself. Once settled in Brooklyn, she begings to confront her past and her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart. While they begin to rebuild their burned bridges and Curley waits each night at the stage door of the Belasco Theatre, time is running out for Annie.
Lizzie must learn how to use her long dormant power of enchantment before her aunt is lost for eternity in the cold gray fog between two worlds and she is killed by three evil faires bent on capturing her soul and her gift.
Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 90,000 words attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.
I have read your website and believe my work reflects the work of other authors you currently represent. A romance novel, what sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage, the Bishop of Broadway himself and a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehersal and the lights never go out.
==================================
CHAPTER ONE
My mother carried me to the attic for years, at first holding me in her arms and then later, guiding me up the long circular staircase leading from the second floor hall.
She explained that what looked like a giant's suitcase was a trunk. She told me what it was called and as the late afternoon sun angled through the tiny dormer window above us, she opened its four compartments to show me its magical contents. "This was your Aunt Annie's trunk. She's an angel in heaven now, but she left this for you, Elizabeth."
She loved to tell me about my aunt's life as a Broadway star, read from newspapers and magazines and brought her to life for me. "This is the dress Aunt Annie wore the night she won a very big award, called the Toni."
My questions about her were endless. "If she left the trunk to me, why can't I have it in my bedroom?"
"You're still too young, Elizabeth."
"When I get older enough, can I wear her pretty dresses?"
"No dear, those dresses are for you to hold, not to wear."
I loved to play in the dark corners of the attic, peeking into the boxes of my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes; an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform, trophies and photographs, dusty lamps and some old furniture. The attic was a child's playground, and being too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their treasures and imagined stories of them. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of Annie May.
The first time I saw her, she was pale and gray, like smoke curling up from the corner of the room. I was six and went to the attic to play with my sister's pompoms. I walked slowly toward the corner of the room where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof.
I thought I saw her smile. "Hello?"
A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth," and in an instant the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.
Dec 15, 2010
QUERY- MAD AS A HATTER
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear [Agent's Name],
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped by a man who called himself The Hatter. Emil survived. His sister didn't. So when he hears news of a serial killer ravaging London and leaving a note quoting Alice in Wonderland at each murder scene, Emil is convinced that his former abductor is on the prowl again. And when his young guardian, Officer Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he thinks it must be fate.
Corwin's not too keen on Emil having anything to do with the case, but Emil's extensive knowledge of the murderer's methods is too invaluable to waste. Yet as the two get closer and closer to tracking the man down, Emil realizes exactly what confronting his past will mean. He can live with the nightmares. But if he fails to avenge his sister's death, he doesn't know how he'll live with himself-- if he lives at all.
Complete at 51,000 words, MAD AS A HATTER is a YA historical mystery written in both Emil and Corwin’s viewpoints. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, etc.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear [Agent's Name],
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped by a man who called himself The Hatter. Emil survived. His sister didn't. So when he hears news of a serial killer ravaging London and leaving a note quoting Alice in Wonderland at each murder scene, Emil is convinced that his former abductor is on the prowl again. And when his young guardian, Officer Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he thinks it must be fate.
Corwin's not too keen on Emil having anything to do with the case, but Emil's extensive knowledge of the murderer's methods is too invaluable to waste. Yet as the two get closer and closer to tracking the man down, Emil realizes exactly what confronting his past will mean. He can live with the nightmares. But if he fails to avenge his sister's death, he doesn't know how he'll live with himself-- if he lives at all.
Complete at 51,000 words, MAD AS A HATTER is a YA historical mystery written in both Emil and Corwin’s viewpoints. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, etc.
Dec 8, 2010
Children's Picture Book Query
Ms. ________, Editor
Scholastic Press
557 Broadway
New York, NY 10012-3999
Dear ______ (will send to specific editor):
You may have read the news story on CNN or the Today Show. Or you may have read about it in the email that circled the globe: An orphaned squirrel was adopted by a dog who nursed him along with her own puppies.
Finnegan the Squirrel and the Dog Who Loved Him is the true story of an unusual adoption. Supported by interviews, photographs, and squirrel research, this 1040 word picture book is for children ages 5-10 years old.
Like Scholastic Press’ "Owen and Mzee," by Craig Hatkoff, this touching tale illustrates the extraordinary capacity for compassion and bonding in the animal world. It will also resonate with adopted children and their parents everywhere.
My writing credits include a picture book, Tree House in a Storm (Stemmer House Publishers, 2009), as well as written numerous fiction and nonfiction stories for Highlights, Scholastic Scope, and other children’s magazines.
Thank you for considering this 3-month exclusive submission. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Rachelle Burk
Scholastic Press
557 Broadway
New York, NY 10012-3999
Dear ______ (will send to specific editor):
You may have read the news story on CNN or the Today Show. Or you may have read about it in the email that circled the globe: An orphaned squirrel was adopted by a dog who nursed him along with her own puppies.
Finnegan the Squirrel and the Dog Who Loved Him is the true story of an unusual adoption. Supported by interviews, photographs, and squirrel research, this 1040 word picture book is for children ages 5-10 years old.
Like Scholastic Press’ "Owen and Mzee," by Craig Hatkoff, this touching tale illustrates the extraordinary capacity for compassion and bonding in the animal world. It will also resonate with adopted children and their parents everywhere.
My writing credits include a picture book, Tree House in a Storm (Stemmer House Publishers, 2009), as well as written numerous fiction and nonfiction stories for Highlights, Scholastic Scope, and other children’s magazines.
Thank you for considering this 3-month exclusive submission. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Rachelle Burk
Nov 26, 2010
Book Review- CINDERS
CINDERS is a novella written by Michelle Davidson Argyle. It's available on Amazon.com in paperback and as an ebook.
We all know that money can't buy love, but in Cinders we learn magic isn't a sure bet either. Cinderella - now officially a princess - finds royal life is not what she once dreamed. Pretty clothes, fancy meals, and fabulous balls can't make up for a life restricted, and she is denied the simple pleasures she used to take for granted. When a figure from her past stirs up a long-suppressed passion, Cinderella begins to wonder if there really is love under the spell that earned her husband's heart. But undoing magic can be harder than casting the initial spell, and the results are less predictable.
Cinders is a quick read, and it's a nice adult romance wrapped around a childhood fairytale. The sub-plot kept me intrigued, and the conflict in Cinderella's heart made the characterization interesting. The book is self-published, but the copy editing is tight and the layout is not a strain to read. While some character elements and plot lines could have been drawn out in more detail, I enjoyed the story overall.
We all know that money can't buy love, but in Cinders we learn magic isn't a sure bet either. Cinderella - now officially a princess - finds royal life is not what she once dreamed. Pretty clothes, fancy meals, and fabulous balls can't make up for a life restricted, and she is denied the simple pleasures she used to take for granted. When a figure from her past stirs up a long-suppressed passion, Cinderella begins to wonder if there really is love under the spell that earned her husband's heart. But undoing magic can be harder than casting the initial spell, and the results are less predictable.
Cinders is a quick read, and it's a nice adult romance wrapped around a childhood fairytale. The sub-plot kept me intrigued, and the conflict in Cinderella's heart made the characterization interesting. The book is self-published, but the copy editing is tight and the layout is not a strain to read. While some character elements and plot lines could have been drawn out in more detail, I enjoyed the story overall.
Nov 24, 2010
Query - VICARIOUS
Investigative reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when CIA agent Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, and promises a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.
Logan Nash was the lead agent for Team Omega, CIA’s top-secret anti-terrorism division until one of Avery’s stories exposed Omega and ended his career. After months of digging, Nash finds the identity of Avery’s anonymous source, and he can finally get his revenge--all he has to do is not fall in love.
Following Nash’s scoop, Avery goes after Attorney General Capwell, the person who let a high-profile terrorist escape justice. When Capwell’s corpse shows up on the morning news, Avery works with Nash to hunt for clues of terrorist involvement. Instead she uncovers evidence that Capwell was the anonymous source who manipulated her to expose an Omega mission two years ago. Capwell’s scheme killed more than Avery’s career; it caused the deaths of six operatives. Now Avery feels the weight of the bulls-eye on her back as one after another, people close to Capwell get slaughtered. She needs to find the connection between Capwell, the terrorist, and Omega, and expose the assassin before her personal obituary makes headlines. Outgunned, she trusts her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her Nash is the killer she’s trying to find.
VICARIOUS is a 109,000-word thriller.
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Logan Nash was the lead agent for Team Omega, CIA’s top-secret anti-terrorism division until one of Avery’s stories exposed Omega and ended his career. After months of digging, Nash finds the identity of Avery’s anonymous source, and he can finally get his revenge--all he has to do is not fall in love.
Following Nash’s scoop, Avery goes after Attorney General Capwell, the person who let a high-profile terrorist escape justice. When Capwell’s corpse shows up on the morning news, Avery works with Nash to hunt for clues of terrorist involvement. Instead she uncovers evidence that Capwell was the anonymous source who manipulated her to expose an Omega mission two years ago. Capwell’s scheme killed more than Avery’s career; it caused the deaths of six operatives. Now Avery feels the weight of the bulls-eye on her back as one after another, people close to Capwell get slaughtered. She needs to find the connection between Capwell, the terrorist, and Omega, and expose the assassin before her personal obituary makes headlines. Outgunned, she trusts her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her Nash is the killer she’s trying to find.
VICARIOUS is a 109,000-word thriller.
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Nov 20, 2010
Query- The Crucible of Silver (sixth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
Squirrels plant the trees, live by them, and may ultimately destroy them, but even Silver Squirrel is amazed by what their leaders are up to when they burn down his home.
The Crucible of Silver is a Y/A anthropomorphic novel completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost everything. Now he has to join the squirrel community in their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who orchestrated this "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated.
Having a girlfriend can get a little hairy too. She's just like her mother, smart and in control, though she dreams at night of prowling weasel skeletons.
Silver won't give up. He's determined to forgive the ones who hurt him so badly, save them from the predators, and maybe just win Sandy as his own. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way his life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game. Yet, Silver has faith that good can somehow come out of all this disaster.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
Squirrels plant the trees, live by them, and may ultimately destroy them, but even Silver Squirrel is amazed by what their leaders are up to when they burn down his home.
The Crucible of Silver is a Y/A anthropomorphic novel completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost everything. Now he has to join the squirrel community in their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who orchestrated this "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated.
Having a girlfriend can get a little hairy too. She's just like her mother, smart and in control, though she dreams at night of prowling weasel skeletons.
Silver won't give up. He's determined to forgive the ones who hurt him so badly, save them from the predators, and maybe just win Sandy as his own. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way his life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game. Yet, Silver has faith that good can somehow come out of all this disaster.
Nov 18, 2010
Query- The End Begins - 8th Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
Click here to read the seventh revision.
For Raiana Okard the Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. It's all she's known and strives for since her birth. And despite being the constant underdog, she felt their promise coming true when she was handpicked to be a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in that world is shattered when she discovers their power-giving quartz is being harvested from their bodies. Before succumbing to the same fate she escapes to the United States.
Now a walking target of her oppressors Rai trades her skills to a military union for protection. Despite the cease fire between the two military powers, their shaky peace will become undeniable war on a dime. The Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens.
Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources to deal a vital blow to her enemy’s efforts. But the conflict is not without cost. Rai is constantly tested. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere. Though the weight of fatigue and stress gnaws at her feet, she remains vigilant in adapting to her enemy.
While The Union gains momentum, Rai waivers to complete her mission when she realizes her actions could bring about the academy’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
Click here to read the seventh revision.
For Raiana Okard the Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. It's all she's known and strives for since her birth. And despite being the constant underdog, she felt their promise coming true when she was handpicked to be a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in that world is shattered when she discovers their power-giving quartz is being harvested from their bodies. Before succumbing to the same fate she escapes to the United States.
Now a walking target of her oppressors Rai trades her skills to a military union for protection. Despite the cease fire between the two military powers, their shaky peace will become undeniable war on a dime. The Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens.
Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources to deal a vital blow to her enemy’s efforts. But the conflict is not without cost. Rai is constantly tested. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere. Though the weight of fatigue and stress gnaws at her feet, she remains vigilant in adapting to her enemy.
While The Union gains momentum, Rai waivers to complete her mission when she realizes her actions could bring about the academy’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Nov 16, 2010
Query- The Crucible of Silver (fifth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
The Crucible of Silver is a middle grade (and up) talking animal story completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost his home and loved ones. Now he has to join the squirrel community, and their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a squirrel female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who burned down his home in a planned "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated. Squirrel mating rituals can get a little hairy too. Silver finds that out when Sandy dumps him in a fit of spring fever.
But Silver won't give up. He's determined to win Sandy as his own, and to save the community from predation and forgive the ones who hurt him so badly. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way Silver's life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
The Crucible of Silver is a middle grade (and up) talking animal story completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost his home and loved ones. Now he has to join the squirrel community, and their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a squirrel female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who burned down his home in a planned "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated. Squirrel mating rituals can get a little hairy too. Silver finds that out when Sandy dumps him in a fit of spring fever.
But Silver won't give up. He's determined to win Sandy as his own, and to save the community from predation and forgive the ones who hurt him so badly. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way Silver's life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game.
Nov 14, 2010
The End Begins - 7th Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
The Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. For Raiana Okard, an under appreciated academic, she could feel the change when she surpassed everyone’s expectations and became a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in the world she knew was shattered when she discovers her people are being harvested for the power-giving crystals in their bodies. Just before she succumbs to the same fate, the price for her snooping, she escapes to the United States.
Targeted as a threat to her oppressors, The Coalition, Rai trades her services to a military union for protection, whose might is a derivative of her own power – melding human flesh to supercharged quartz. On the turn of a dime, shaky peace will become undeniable war. And the Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens. With no choice but to follow their orders, Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources.
Rai’s will to survive is constantly tested as fatigue sets in. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere, but must remain vigilant in adapting to their offenses. While The Union gains momentum, Rai’s loyalty waivers once she realizes her decisions could inadvertently bring about her community’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
The Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. For Raiana Okard, an under appreciated academic, she could feel the change when she surpassed everyone’s expectations and became a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in the world she knew was shattered when she discovers her people are being harvested for the power-giving crystals in their bodies. Just before she succumbs to the same fate, the price for her snooping, she escapes to the United States.
Targeted as a threat to her oppressors, The Coalition, Rai trades her services to a military union for protection, whose might is a derivative of her own power – melding human flesh to supercharged quartz. On the turn of a dime, shaky peace will become undeniable war. And the Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens. With no choice but to follow their orders, Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources.
Rai’s will to survive is constantly tested as fatigue sets in. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere, but must remain vigilant in adapting to their offenses. While The Union gains momentum, Rai’s loyalty waivers once she realizes her decisions could inadvertently bring about her community’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Nov 8, 2010
Contest- Win a Query Critique
Attention Slushpile followers:
Would you like your query critiqued by a professional editor?
Lynnette Labelle is offering to do just that. Check out this post on her blog for details. The deadline for submissions is Friday, November 12.
For more information on Lynette's editing services, check out her website.
Would you like your query critiqued by a professional editor?
Lynnette Labelle is offering to do just that. Check out this post on her blog for details. The deadline for submissions is Friday, November 12.
For more information on Lynette's editing services, check out her website.
Thank you, Nathan Bransford
For those of you trapped under rocks* or otherwise cut off from the world's most pressing news, Nathan Bransford announced last week that he will be leaving the world of agenting to take a position in social media for CNET.
I launched this blog on March 6, 2009. According to Google Analytics there were 30 visits that day. I was elated on Thursday the 12th when the site had 56 visitors. And the next day, Nathan Bransford mentioned the Public Query Slushpile on his blog. The site had 473 visits that day! That invaluable boost gave the Slushpile the momentum it needed, giving us all queries to read and attracting many talented people to share their feedback through the comments.
Nathan has been kind to many of us, offering encouragement, advice, and general sanity through his blog. I've even emailed him several one-off questions, and he answered every one (usually the same day I emailed him).
I would almost expect Nathan to save the world, if he wasn't busy breaking the universe with a cosmic space ka-pow.
Good luck Nathan. Thanks for all your support!
*Anyone seen 127 Hours? I bet even that guy knows.
I launched this blog on March 6, 2009. According to Google Analytics there were 30 visits that day. I was elated on Thursday the 12th when the site had 56 visitors. And the next day, Nathan Bransford mentioned the Public Query Slushpile on his blog. The site had 473 visits that day! That invaluable boost gave the Slushpile the momentum it needed, giving us all queries to read and attracting many talented people to share their feedback through the comments.
Nathan has been kind to many of us, offering encouragement, advice, and general sanity through his blog. I've even emailed him several one-off questions, and he answered every one (usually the same day I emailed him).
I would almost expect Nathan to save the world, if he wasn't busy breaking the universe with a cosmic space ka-pow.
Good luck Nathan. Thanks for all your support!
*Anyone seen 127 Hours? I bet even that guy knows.
Nov 7, 2010
Query - All Because of You (Third Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Future Agent,
Forced to kill for sport until the age of sixteen, Adelaide Banvard has been kept at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the man she feels indebted to for saving her life. For ten years she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands. But Adelaide finally has the chance to escape this existence of violence, eager to live a life of her own.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is an 85,000-word suspense. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia and would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Future Agent,
Forced to kill for sport until the age of sixteen, Adelaide Banvard has been kept at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the man she feels indebted to for saving her life. For ten years she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands. But Adelaide finally has the chance to escape this existence of violence, eager to live a life of her own.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is an 85,000-word suspense. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia and would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Nov 4, 2010
QUERY- THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH
Dear Agent,
If only Chloe Carmichael had known of her powers sooner. She might have had time to mentally prepare for the chaos that would soon ensue. Chloe is a 16 year old student at Whitney Young High School. She’s popular, she’s attractive, her parents are rich, and she truly believes she’s going insane.
THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH is complete at 74,000 words, and is young adult science fiction. Chloe's life begins to unravel as a series of unexplained occurrences take place. Her boyfriend dies a ghastly death - which she saw prior to it occurring. She begins to hear voices, see people that don’t exist, and objects mysteriously begin to move when she is angry. These things transpire as she attempts to cope with her deteriorating relationship with her mother, which only proves to further confuse her. Christopher Thomas, a new student, insists things aren’t as they seem in her perfectly created world. Chloe is faced with an unfathomable choice: Join Chris and his friends as super humans or remain in her sheltered monotonous life. The only complication: She may lose who she is to become who she always was.
I joined the military immediately after high school and because of this have no shortage of characters to choose from when I write. I am a Paralegal, a wife, and a mother to three beautiful children.
The entire novel or partial can be sent at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
If only Chloe Carmichael had known of her powers sooner. She might have had time to mentally prepare for the chaos that would soon ensue. Chloe is a 16 year old student at Whitney Young High School. She’s popular, she’s attractive, her parents are rich, and she truly believes she’s going insane.
THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH is complete at 74,000 words, and is young adult science fiction. Chloe's life begins to unravel as a series of unexplained occurrences take place. Her boyfriend dies a ghastly death - which she saw prior to it occurring. She begins to hear voices, see people that don’t exist, and objects mysteriously begin to move when she is angry. These things transpire as she attempts to cope with her deteriorating relationship with her mother, which only proves to further confuse her. Christopher Thomas, a new student, insists things aren’t as they seem in her perfectly created world. Chloe is faced with an unfathomable choice: Join Chris and his friends as super humans or remain in her sheltered monotonous life. The only complication: She may lose who she is to become who she always was.
I joined the military immediately after high school and because of this have no shortage of characters to choose from when I write. I am a Paralegal, a wife, and a mother to three beautiful children.
The entire novel or partial can be sent at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: The End Begins - Sixth Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Raiana Draco thought The Nine was an academy created for the expressed purpose of training its students of the magically inclined. She never would have thought that her father, long gone from her life, was responsible for merging human flesh with a synthetic crystal to produce their magnificent power. On top of that, then made a permanent trading agreement - their people for “protection” from the outside world.
With the truth discovered, she escapes to the United States. Hunted by the academy in a world nearly devoid of magic, she survives by soliciting her services to a military alliance that wage a secret war against her people’s oppressor.
THE END BEGINS is a 90,000 science fiction novel that follows Rai’s travels as fatigue, persecution, and traitorous minds pushes her limits as her people die from the crystal extraction process that only her father has the answers to stop.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Raiana Draco thought The Nine was an academy created for the expressed purpose of training its students of the magically inclined. She never would have thought that her father, long gone from her life, was responsible for merging human flesh with a synthetic crystal to produce their magnificent power. On top of that, then made a permanent trading agreement - their people for “protection” from the outside world.
With the truth discovered, she escapes to the United States. Hunted by the academy in a world nearly devoid of magic, she survives by soliciting her services to a military alliance that wage a secret war against her people’s oppressor.
THE END BEGINS is a 90,000 science fiction novel that follows Rai’s travels as fatigue, persecution, and traitorous minds pushes her limits as her people die from the crystal extraction process that only her father has the answers to stop.
Nov 3, 2010
QUERY- CINDER CLOUDS
Click here to read the original query (originally titled THE CHRONICLES OF CHRISTMAS).
A research team drilling ice cores at the North Pole finds something amazing buried deep in the ice: a book that tells the origins of Santa Claus.
Jason didn’t come to the North Pole with his father to learn about global warming, he just wants to see Santa Claus. After weeks surrounded by nothing but a few stuffy scientists and a whole lot of cold, Jason loses faith. But when an ice core comes back with a book embedded in it – a book that proves the existence of Santa – they face a tough decision: keep the book and get rich, or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner.
The book tells the tale of Kris Kringle. Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is raised by the Elfs of the Woodland Glen, even though contact with humans goes against eons of Elfin law. Kris is desperate to find his real family. When a lead points him to the town of Oldenton, Kris convinces the High Council to allow him to search for his family by delivering a present to each child in Oldenton on Christmas Day, as long as no human sees him. But there’s a catch: Kris – and any Elf who helps him – must leave the Glen immediately. The High Council is convinced that humans are greedy, destructive creatures, and unless Kris can bring back proof that human virtue exists, neither he nor the Elfs who join him will be allowed to return.
Bound by a stringent set of rules, Kris and two dozen Elfs set off for the legendary Great Northern Glen to set up base camp for their operation. When Christmas Day arrives, Kris – known as “the man in the cinder clouds” after an accident involving a chimney – learns his true family has been with him his entire life, and he proves that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
CINDER CLOUDS is a 34,500-word middle-grade novel written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack.
A note on style: the book was written by an Elf. Elfs always capitalize the E, and never convert the f to a v. That’s a human thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
A research team drilling ice cores at the North Pole finds something amazing buried deep in the ice: a book that tells the origins of Santa Claus.
Jason didn’t come to the North Pole with his father to learn about global warming, he just wants to see Santa Claus. After weeks surrounded by nothing but a few stuffy scientists and a whole lot of cold, Jason loses faith. But when an ice core comes back with a book embedded in it – a book that proves the existence of Santa – they face a tough decision: keep the book and get rich, or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner.
The book tells the tale of Kris Kringle. Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is raised by the Elfs of the Woodland Glen, even though contact with humans goes against eons of Elfin law. Kris is desperate to find his real family. When a lead points him to the town of Oldenton, Kris convinces the High Council to allow him to search for his family by delivering a present to each child in Oldenton on Christmas Day, as long as no human sees him. But there’s a catch: Kris – and any Elf who helps him – must leave the Glen immediately. The High Council is convinced that humans are greedy, destructive creatures, and unless Kris can bring back proof that human virtue exists, neither he nor the Elfs who join him will be allowed to return.
Bound by a stringent set of rules, Kris and two dozen Elfs set off for the legendary Great Northern Glen to set up base camp for their operation. When Christmas Day arrives, Kris – known as “the man in the cinder clouds” after an accident involving a chimney – learns his true family has been with him his entire life, and he proves that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
CINDER CLOUDS is a 34,500-word middle-grade novel written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack.
A note on style: the book was written by an Elf. Elfs always capitalize the E, and never convert the f to a v. That’s a human thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
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