Jul 15, 2009

Revising Queries

Slushpile follower / commenter Elana Johnson wrote an excellent post on the QueryTracker.net blog today, click here to read it.

I won't re-hash the entire thing (you really should read it for yourself!), but the gist is that you are better off if you let the criticism you receive sink in before rushing directly into your query revisions.

Take your time. Like in cooking, slower produces a better result. Never microwave a roast...


Have you heard of a place far in the cosmos called Acadia? No? Not surprising, for even the name is nothing but a whisper to most who know of its lore. Alien as it may sound; Acadia is a world much like ours. It is a world of strife and a world of harmony—a home to many heroes and to many villains. But what if the villain was a hero—the hero a villain?

In the years after the Great War, a proud king has sacrificed his own life to rid the world of an evil that consumed his body and now his soul. But his sacrifice goes in vain, for the evil survived and nested itself in the only thing most precious to him: his only son. Damont Langörn, a young lord of an estate, comes to learn the truth behind his blood and a cryptic prophecy that unfolds before him. Leaving him thus with only two choices: To bring a new era of peace to Acadia or to accept his ominous future that would bring another era of darkness and the death of the Acadian gods.

The future is inevitable. Damont Langörn, ruler of Acadia and the world of the divine, is challenged and slain by his once closest ally and friend: Derrick Avren. Instead of the void, the once middle-aged man wakes up in the farmlands of Garribus in the bloom of his youth, and recalls nothing but the chores he had to do. An ancient prophecy is soon revealed, and then comes to him visions of an uncertain future. Embarking on a quest with the aid of a sorceress and a hunter to fulfill a prophecy, Damont learns the truth of his parents. He is the child of an ancient king and the goddess of time, carrying in his veins a legendary bloodline: the house of Langörn!

Before the throne of Haldina, home to his ancestors, is relinquished into the birth of his reign, Damont is betrayed by the city’s steward, Duke Therodyll. The Duke has chosen another to entrust his realm: Derrick Avren, prince of the Empire of Zafrëal. With the god of war at his side, Derrick instigates a new war between the east and west—and one he plans to win. To avail his cause and to empower his name, the queen of the Kingdom of Illyiümia offers her crown and realm to Damont Langörn. But to win the war, Damont seeks an ancient weapon his father once wielded—the sword of cosmos! A sword that feasts upon his blood, and hungers for the blood of the divine; but through its power, Damont puts an end to the onslaught and invasion of Zafrëal. In the end, he reclaims the throne of his forefathers and brings peace to the war-torn lands with the death of the god of war, while sparing the life of Derrick Avren.

Little did he know that his dark and malevolent future still awaited him in the decades to come…

My novel of 189,000 words, ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME, is an epic fantasy aimed for general readers, but more hopefully, for readers who appreciate great works such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, the Shadowmarch trilogy by Tad Williams, and the Crown of Stars series by Kate Elliott.

Thank you once again for your time and patience in considering my query.

Best regards,

Ali M. Naqvi