Jun 2, 2009

Query - The Chosen Ones

Dear Mr. Agent:

When fifteen-year-old Katie discovers she’s not totally human, but a mixture of elf, human, werecat and fey, her first instinct is to run and hide. Finding out that she’s not the only one and there’s another just like her only makes it worse. She doesn’t care that she was chosen to battle the dark fey, who are intent on universal domination. She just wants to be normal. That is, until she discovers that she can teleport across galaxies using her mind and alter the weather on a whim. She reluctantly makes a deal with her creators to battle the dark fey in exchange for training her to use her powers.

Her exuberance is ruined when she meets Jack, the other chosen one. He’s arrogant and sarcastic, and he refuses to listen to her. He loves the fact that he’s part alien because he never wanted to be normal. To him, starting fires and bending time are just perks. Jack is the opposite of Katie in almost every way and his easy going style grates on her nerves.

Now Katie and Jack must put aside their differences and learn to work together. They have agreed to help a pride of dragons battle against their rivals who are intent on civil war. Only it’s not just dragons they will be fighting, but an enemy far more destructive.

The Chosen Ones is a 100,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Natalie and Rick

The Eternal Link Query (version 3)

Click here to read the original query. Sorry, short on time. You can get to revision 2 from the original...
Click here to read version 4.

Hello all,
I reworked pretty much the entire query and tried to take out as many long subordinate clauses as I could. ;p
Besides the usual critique, I would like to ask for you guys to focus a little on the transitions within the last paragraph. I feel like the first three sentences don't quite fit, but after trying to fix it for hours any suggestions you guys have is appreciated.

*side note-this is just the query part, not the actual letter which includes the salutation, the personalization to the agent etc

When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3000 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imaged pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.

Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only this, but apparently it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. The answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew would have to wait. After all, the vast army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders will be at Catalina’s door in three days.

In order to help restore order, Catalina tries to renew the powers of an old Eternal, a keeper of time. With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is the current Eternal and the approaching army is after her because of her supposed immortality. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state. A state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she comes to love than two-thousand year old memories.

THE ETERNAL LINK, a Young Adult Fantasy complete at 80,000 words is available upon request.

Query letter for Wesley Grey

To editor/agent at ***:

I am seeking publication for my 20,000-word novella, Wesley Grey.

Up until tonight Wesley Grey was a vampire escort, but after killing his latest client and finding the love of his life, Wesley has decided to turn in the towel. The problem with that is, his last client isn’t dead, and she’s biting up a horde of trouble for the vampires of Florence West Virginia.

Wesley Grey is a paranormal erotica story set in a fictional town in West Virginia. The villain is a Hive vampire, a type of vampire that functions under the hive mentality.

I have one previous publishing credit with Concord University’s publication, Reflexes. I would like to publish Wesley Grey under the pen-name Lawrence E. Wilcox.

Thank you for your time, and I hope that you enjoy Wesley Grey.


Ryan M. Smith