Jul 1, 2010

Query Revision: Beauty for Ashes

Click here to read the original query.

Dear [Agent],

After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.

John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.

Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.

BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Michelle Massaro

Query- Kiromen

In the book, Kiromen, when spicy and sarcastic Chidrow Annabel Martins finds out that her supposedly long life love was dumping her to pursue his artistic dreams in the Empire State of Mind- New York, an utter series of depressions is straight on its way. Chidrow believes that nothing would ever be the same for her again. But everything changes when the mysterious Stephen Austin James runs into her life and changes the way she looks at the world.

The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.

From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.

Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.

My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.


Query- Liquid Smoke

Twenty-one-year-old Jenna Reece is the most supernaturally protected person on the planet. And she has no idea why.

When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.

After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.

Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.

When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.

My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.


Julie Huerta

Query- Back To Me (rewrite)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear [Agent]:

Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.

Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.

It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.

It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.

BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.

I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours truly,

[Contact Info]