Oct 4, 2010


Dear Agent,

While swimming in a secluded lake, seventeen-year-old Hannah sees a discarded pendant on the lakebed. When she picks it up, the pendant transports her to the isolated town of Lakeview where she meets Lily. The two become friends, and Hannah agrees to keep the lake, the town, and their friendship a secret – for her own safety, as well as Lily's.

Once school starts, Hannah begins dating Brendan, the new kid in town. After his mom dies unexpectedly, Brendan overhears his dad speaking with a stranger about her death taking place at a lake. Brendan realizes that his dad lied to him about his mom's death.

Hannah tells Brendan about Lily and the lake, knowing that Lily may be able to shed light on his mom’s death. What they discover in Lakeview gives Brendan hope for seeing his mom again. But when his plan fails and Hannah’s life becomes in danger, Brendan must use the powers of the lake to set things right, or risk losing his girlfriend forever.

LAKESIDE, a young adult novel complete at 85,000 words, combines mystery, romance, supernatural elements, and adventure.

Thank you for your consideration.


Query - The Paw Shake Portal (First Revision)

Click here to read the original query.

Author's Note: Thank you SO much to all who critiqued my first query. It helped so much! A special thank you to Rick for hosting this -- I would be lost without the Slushpile!

I realized my last query didn't accurately represent the story; I was too tied up in details. I feel like this one is more spot-on, but needs a ton of tightening. I also tentatively changed the title. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!

Dear (Agent):

Eleven-year-old Alex’s closest friend is his cat. No, he isn’t a loner. His friend Lumina is both human and feline.

When Alex finds a stray cat in his back yard, he doesn’t expect her to be able to turn into a girl his age. Lumina approaches Alex as a human and asks for his assistance in fighting Alley Scratch, an army of cats that hate people. The only way for her to gain the strength and endurance to battle Alley Scratch is to form a “bond of trust” with Alex—the more their friendship grows, the healthier and stronger she will become.

Alex is eager to form this bond to help Lumina, but he also comes up with an idea of his own: Why not show the Alley Scratch cats kindness to help turn them around to the good side? Unfortunately, his plan backfires, causing a chaotic brawl and putting Lumina and her family in even greater danger. Alex must find a way to protect his feline friends without causing another disaster, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to save them.

THE DISCOVERY OF LUMINA is a middle grade novel complete at 30,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.