Sep 10, 2010

Query - Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting

Cody J. McLean
(My Address)
(My City, State & ZIP Code)
(My Phone Number)

(Street Address)
(City, State, Zip Code)

(Date of Submission)

Dear Mr./Ms. (Agent),

I am seeking representation for my novel, Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting, the first draft of which was completed at approximately 120,000 words on March 7 of this year. This book is to be the first in a planned series that can be best classified as a contemporary fantasy. It starts off fun and light, exploring the wonders of the mystic in a manner similar to Harry Potter. However, it progressively delves into deeper, darker territory. With an enthralling storyline, deep characters, and a unique blend of sci-fi and fantasy, Elemental Matters: Giving & Getting is sure to pull in readers like a black hole.

Life just isn’t fair; it’s a fact and everyone knows it. People just handle it in different ways. Chunhua is a girl who knows this all too well. Her family means everything to her, but her ancestral past has determined her future. On a shared birthday, she and her sisters receive mystic powers and new responsibilities. This seems innocent enough, but Chunhua’s life is thrown into oblivion when distant relatives hunt down her family for these powers, threaten them, and force her to follow their every whim. Her freedom is the price to save her dear kin. Somehow, she must find a way to break away from her new masters while still carrying out their dirty deeds. But in the midst of all this, Chunhua makes choices of her own that may prevent her from ever going back.

I am a seventeen-year-old high school student and as such, I can relate the audience to the protagonist better than, say, some middle-aged author could with recollections of their own teenage experiences. I also strongly believe that the market needs a bit of spicing up from some new blood. Read my work and you will likely agree.

If this has grabbed you by the collar, please contact me to request my full manuscript. Thank you for your time; I look forward to hearing from you.


Cody J. McLean

Query: BOUND (1st revision)

Click here to read the original query.

First off, you'll note a drastic change in POV here. The book is told from both Grant and Morana's POV (as they are both the protag's).

Secondly, you'll notice a title change in the last paragraph.

Dear (NAME)

Morana Lewis discovers everything she knew about life is a lie, right down what species she is. Everything she learns, she tries to ignore, but one thing remains persistent—her bloodlust—because she’s half vampire.

Her struggle between vampire instincts and human morals ends when she falls into the hands of a full blood vampire and is forced through the transition—the process that brings her vampire traits out by drinking their blood. With her vampire traits fully asserted, everything in life is a new experience. In a moment of self-discovery, she exchanges blood with her vampire captor, binding herself to him. She feels the hollow void of his emotions, every physical sensation he feels, and experiences his memories every time she takes blood from him.

As his lengthy past unfolds before her, she learns there’s a reason for her existence, a reason he knew about because he was part of the vampire council that wants her back. Morana accepts that she’s half vampire, bound to an emotionless void of a being, and craves blood, but not that she’s a pawn in an attempt to evolve the vampire species.

Morana must find balance within the turmoil, decide whom she can trust and elude the councils’ servants who’ve been sent for her, because something tells her she’s more than anyone conceives.

THE LAST SCION, an 87,000-word adult urban fantasy novel, is set against the backdrop of brutal murders rocking Seattle shoreline and explores evolution and its fragility.

Thank you for your consideration,

Jodi Henry


Click here to read the original query.

I revised my query based on all of the great suggestions you all have provided, again many thanks! this would be the more generalized version of the query, with a more accurate word count.
if anyone wants to find out more information about my story, you are welcome to visit (you can watch the book trailer there.)

thanks everyone- here's the query:


Enclosed is an introduction to my story's plotline, along with some additional information about my novel.

In the aftermath of Happily Ever After, Cinderella has risen to the throne, although the once-innocent princess has now become a far more wicked prodigy of her stepmother. She reigns over her kingdom with tyrannical abandon. A rebel band of fairy tale heroes, led by General Snow White and her dwarven resistance fighters, discovers Cinderella's plans to invade Alice's Wonderland. Time is running out as Snow White, Rapunzel, Goldilocks, and others mount a desperate attempt to stop Cinderella before her plans destroy the kingdom and everything they hold dear. The rebels' only hope of success rests on the shoulders of a young girl named Patience Muffet. Patience carries the fabled shards of Cinderella's glass slippers, as well as the dark secret of who murdered the last of the fairy godmothers.

SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER, at about 118,000 words is YA fantasy novel with strong female heroes. Classic fairy tale characters are faithfully reinterpreted from their fabled origins and are woven into an ensemble cast with the benefit of pre-existing familiarity. Although SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER can be stand-alone story with resolution, it has great potential to be made into a series of books.

As a professional graphic artist, I have had the opportunity to build exposure for this concept. I was awarded Best in Show for my artwork from SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER and have gone on to display at several fantasy convention art shows,including DragonCon. I have received enthusiastic feedback and great interest in this story while in attendance at these events.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Roy Mauritsen