Sep 4, 2010

Query - The End Begins (4th Revision)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.

Dear Editor/Agent,

The End Begins follows Rai coping as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of the world around her so she can reunite with her father; lost in a dystopian United States.

For her latest assignment she must reach the Source of Sentient Free Will and protect it from the C.U.T. an invading enemy force taking control of alien technology as they conquer the country settlement by settlement.

But the population of non-human anomalies is growing and forces C.U.T. to go after the coveted Artifact ahead of their schedule. And they will take down anyone in their path to reign control over the population.

Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, Rai must navigate dangerous territory while racing against C.U.T. for the sake not only of her own personal peace, but for the dying country whose life continues to be sucked dry.

The End Begins is a 120,000 word science fantasy story with sample chapters available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.


Good morning! I was given your name by a colleague who thought you might be interested in a fantasy/fairy tale novel that I have been working on. Below please find an introduction to the story's plotline, along with some additional information about the novel.

In the aftermath of Happily Ever After, Cinderella has risen to the throne, although the once-innocent princess is now more wicked than her stepmother. She reigns over her kingdom with tyrannical abandon. A rebel band of fairy tale heroes, led by General Snow White and her dwarven resistance fighters, discovers Cinderella's power hungry plans to invade Alice's Wonderland. Time is running out as Snow White, Rapunzel, Goldilocks, and others mount a desperate attempt to stop Cinderella before her war destroys the kingdom and everything they hold dear. The rebels' only hope of success rests on the shoulders of a young girl named Patience Muffet. Patience carries the fabled shards of Cinderella's glass slippers, as well as the dark secret of who murdered the last of the fairy god mothers.

SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER, at about 114,000 words, is a quest-centered fairy tale adventure with strong female heroes, and should appeal to Young Adult fans that enjoy such popular fantasy series as "The Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter." Classic fairy tale characters are faithfully reinterpreted from their fabled origins and are woven into an ensemble cast with the benefit of pre-existing familiarity. It is no coincidence that Hollywood continues to draw from these stories, as evidenced by a multitude of Disney blockbusters, as well as the recent success of "Alice in Wonderland." In addition, although SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER is a stand-alone story with a satisfying resolution, it has great potential to be made into a series of books.

As a professional graphic artist, I have had the opportunity to build a significant fan base for this story. My award-winning artwork from SHARDS OF THE GLASS SLIPPER has been displayed at several fantasy convention art shows, including DragonCon, which was attended by more than 30,000 people in 2009. I have received enthusiastic feedback and great interest in this story while in attendance at these events and via the Internet.

Please let me know if you would like me to submit chapter samples, as well as a promotional kit that provides more information about the story and its
characters. You may also visit [WEBSITE NOT PROVIDED] for more information about
the story and the artwork.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Query - Penahligon's Attic

Dear Agent.

Molly Mackenzie is quite happy to be moving to Cornwall. She’s upset Gran died, of course; they were very close, and living in her home will be difficult to begin with. But Molly likes the little town of Helston, she likes her school, her new friends, and she particularly likes her part-time job in Gran’s bookshop.

What she doesn’t like, is discovering the ghost of a sixteen year old girl has been prowling the attic for over 350 years. According to local lore, Amy Trevellick had been murdered over an illicit affair by her brother, Sebastian. Now she haunts what used to be the town jail, where Sebastian had spent his last hours before being hanged for the crime.
Sebastian himself haunts the inn where Amy died, and when Molly’s friend – keen to help her investigate – ventures too close, Sebastian mistakes him for the reborn spirit of the man who had caused the deadly confrontation there.

Unless Molly can unite the two ghosts and uncover the truth of what happened the night Amy died, Sebastian’s need for revenge will drive him across the thin divide between the territories of the dead and the living, and more innocents will die.

In her search for a way to save her friend, Molly finds Granny Ally’s diaries, filled with the ramblings of a woman generally dismissed as likeable but eccentric. But they prove Gran to have been far more in tune with her world than her indulgent but sceptical family had ever imagined.

PENHALIGON’S ATTIC, a paranormal tale for young adults, is complete at 70,000 words.

Many thanks for your time.