Sep 3, 2010

Query- Tainted Legacy (2nd Revision.)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Many thanks to all who've helped out with this, I hope I've taken in account all the great advice. And thanks, Rick, for providing this amazing service, it's wonderful!

Dear _______

All Lizzy Parker wants is to do a good job, and as scullery maid for the Creswells she works hard and learns quickly. But when a priceless Creswell heirloom goes missing and all the evidence points towards her, who’s going to care whether or not she scrubs a good bedpan?

Lizzy finds herself in the dock for the theft, and her only alibi hangs on the word of Jack Buchanan; a regular visitor to the house and the subject of much below-stairs gossip – some even say he killed his best friend during their tour of duty in Africa.

Despite the rumours, Lizzy pins her hopes on the unspoken bond that has grown between them, hoping that will bring him to her rescue. But Jack lets her down and, with the evidence stacked against her, Lizzy is convicted and sentenced to five years in Holloway.

She is forced to put her trust in Jack once more when, shortly after her release, her sister is kidnapped in the belief Lizzy still has the diamond.

Aware he owes her, Jack agrees to help and as they work together to release Emily, Lizzy learns the truth about Jack and the secret war work that had kept him from giving evidence at her trial. She also learns that those rumours are true: he did kill his friend, he admits it. The choice Lizzy must make now, is whether she can trust him with her life.

Following your guidelines in the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook, I am pleased to enclose the synopsis and first three chapters of my 98,000 word historical novel TAINTED LEGACY, for your consideration.

I am currently writing a companion novella covering Lizzy’s time in prison, entitled The Stolen Years.

Many thanks for your time.

Query: BOUND

Dear (NAME)

Private investigator, Grant Stevens, has been watching Morana Lewis her entire life. When the daughter of his long time acquaintance turns up brutally murdered he’s called in to track down the killer. Morana tops the list of suspects because she’s like Grant, half vampire, only she doesn’t know it.

Grant eliminates Morana as a suspect, and finds she’s started the transition that will bring her vampire traits out. He’s been waiting for the day to no longer be alone in limbo between two species and to gain freedom from the vampire council, but both come with a price—Morana. And he’s fallen in love with her.

Determined to stop the murders rocking Seattle’s shoreline and keep Morana from transitioning, Grant’s focus is split. The body count continues to grow and he loses Morana to a vampire. Grant knows the vampire will force Morana through the transition, but he doesn’t know the vampire intends to seal the blood bond with her.

That’s just one of the many things Grant doesn’t know.

As he closes in on the killer, pieces to a puzzle he didn’t know existed fall into place. As they do, Grant’s world tips upside down. He’s forced to do two things he never thought himself capable of: kill a friend and make an alliance with a vampire, all to protect a woman he can never have; a woman that if allowed to fulfill her purpose for existing, will bring about the decimation of humans and vampires alike.

I am unpublished and seeking representation for BOUND, an 87,000-word adult urban fantasy novel about murder and evolution.
Thank you for your consideration,


Query- "Off the Edge" (1st Revision)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear (Agent):
Nineteen-year-old Eden Anderson is beautiful, popular, and unlucky in love. When Eden’s parents send her to live with her cousin, Claire, for the summer on the North Shore of Hawaii, the last thing she wants is to think about boys. She's determined to spend the summer on the beach, healing her heart and getting a tan.
So, when a charming playboy named Noa takes a sudden interest in Eden, she’s right to doubt his intentions—his reputation for being a player is as deep and never-ending as his pocket change. She tries her best to keep their relationship in the ‘just friends’ category, but Noa's good looks, charming attitude, and constant attention proves difficult to resist.
But it might not matter when an unexpected accident risks everything--including her life.
"Off the Edge" is a complete 96,000 word young adult novel.
I spent five years as a tour-guide in Hawaii gaining knowledge of the island and culture and expectations of typical tourists. To find out more, please visit my website at
I look forward to hearing from you,
Erin Apelu

Query: Dead Spell (Revision 1)

Click here to read the original query.

Brea Miller is struggling with the social lines of small town Reston High School. She is coping with the tragic loss of her father. Her mother's in major denial. And Harmony Wolcott, her troubled best friend and one person she can talk to, is spiraling out of control.

When Harmony dies, Brea feels guilty about the fight that defined their last days as friends. She inherits Harmony's Ouija board and faces her fear of the supernatural to use it, hoping to apologize and to find out why she committed suicide.

Brea's disapproving mother destroys the board but Harmony has a message to deliver and keeping her away from Brea has never been easy. Harmony's spirit has already used the Ouija to possess Brea and now that the board is gone, she has no choice but to inhabit her until she's delivered it. Brea begins having nightmares of a broken down house in the woods--a house that exists in real life--and undergoes drastic physical and emotional changes that catch the attention of Adam, Harmony's former boyfriend.

Brea goes from reclusive to reckless, breaking down barriers at school and at home by asserting herself in a way only Harmony knew how. She is torn between living life as Brea or as Harmony and between the boys in each of their lives. As she investigates the house’s dark history and its tie to Harmony, she finds love and pain, acceptance and grief, and a way to help mother move on. Thrown headlong into Harmony's fast-lane life, Brea searches for closure and realizes that even best friends have secrets.

Dead Spell is a paranormal young adult novel complete at 55,000 words.

Query- Sub Rosa (Second Revision)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

(Thanks to everyone who has critiqued my previous queries. Your advice has been constructive and supportive, and I hope to do you all proud with this effort! So, in the interests of keeping it short and sweet, here goes...)

The dinner party didn’t turn out the way Aemilius Valerius expected. He didn’t expect a place at the main table. He didn’t expect to drink that much. He didn’t expect to hook up with one of the scarier dancers. And he certainly didn’t expect to trip over the bloody corpse of his host on the floor of the informal dining room.

One man’s grisly murder is another man’s opportunity. Valerius teams up with the investigator, a plebeian with a chip on his shoulder, to discover the killer. Mad Uncle Maro promised it would be a smart career move, but that was before a second senator turned up dead. Now everything points towards a corrupt legion, an imperial assassin, and the emperor Nero’s mother. It might have been smarter to accept that honorary priesthood, stupid hat or not.

Sub Rosa, a historical mystery, is complete at 129 000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.


Jennifer Burke