Click here to read the original query.
As promised, I am back.
Dear Agent:
Second Hand News, my 80,000 word humorous women's fiction is about new beginnings.
When Gail Goldblum's arranged marriage fails, she moves into grandma Bubbie's two-room apartment in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan, one floor below her parents and loses herself in romance novels and the dream of happily-ever-after.
Gail's family immediately begins the search for her next husband, while she reunites with several old schoolmates, has wild sex with two Princeton "boys," joins a romance book club, washes out of a pottery class and uses her wit and talent to find a new career.
As a teenager, Tony Cimino worked part-time for his father. The youngest of eight children, he still works for his father, but refuses to give up the dream of having his own landscape business. Twenty years have passed when Gail walks up to the counter for a slice of pizza and sees him. Tony, the cute boy from her childhood has grown into a handsome, kindhearted man.
Chaos rules, as Bubbie escapes from assisted living, moves into her granddaughter's small apartment, and entertains the neighbors singing Ethel Merman tunes late at night in the elevator. Gail fends off a Yuppie co-op conversion and Tony tries to capture Gail's attention even as he realizes the dream of opening his own business.
The first time Gail knew she loved Tony, she was in the fourth grade, he was in the eighth. Each time they meet, she tries to deny her feelings and walk away. Tony is a man who knows what he wants, but Gail not being able to trust again, pushes the one person she wants out of her life.
I found your name on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog daily, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Respectfully,
====
Opening lines:
No matter how a girl gets down the aisle, being married and then divorced is preferable to dragging one's miserable carcass through life as an old maid.
Three of us sit on a cold, wooden bench in the judge's chamber and wait. It's a long day and seven others have already finished and been escorted to the next room to sign papers and get a receipt, pending the official documents.
When it is my turn, I stand to answer three questions: 1) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, 2) Do you Gail Goldblum Silverstein wish to contest this action, and 3) Do you wish to return to your maiden name?
Nothing comes out of my mouth and the girl next to me pulls the edge of my jacket and snaps, "Say yes, or I do, and let's get the hell out of here."
I gulp, "I do," three times and it is done.
I wait for a cheer from the audience, but alas we are alone in the room with the judge and his bailiff, who points, "This way, miss."
I am officially an ex-wife.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Oct 8, 2010
Oct 5, 2010
Query- Second Hand News
Dear Agent:
Gail Goldblum is a New York City woman on the edge. She comes out of a lousy marriage into her grandma Bubbie's two-room apartment in Washington Heights.
Her family arrange blind dates and trick her into meeting men, and Gail rebelling, reunites with old schoolmates, dates two wild "boys" from Princeton and uses her wit and talent to find a new career and survive her family's attempts to marry her off again.
Tony Cimino, the youngest of six children is left behind to run the neighborhood pizza business, though he will not abandon the dream of being his own boss. He doesn't remember Gail, yet there is something about her he needs to know more about.
The first time she knew she loved him, she was in the fourth grade and he was in Junior High School. Twenty years pass, but when she walks up to the counter, time freezes. Second Hand News, an 80,000 word, humorous romance is about starting over. How after twenty years two people find each other and fall in love.
I found your name the first time on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog every day, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.
==================================
Thanks one and all. Look forward to your feedback.
Gail Goldblum is a New York City woman on the edge. She comes out of a lousy marriage into her grandma Bubbie's two-room apartment in Washington Heights.
Her family arrange blind dates and trick her into meeting men, and Gail rebelling, reunites with old schoolmates, dates two wild "boys" from Princeton and uses her wit and talent to find a new career and survive her family's attempts to marry her off again.
Tony Cimino, the youngest of six children is left behind to run the neighborhood pizza business, though he will not abandon the dream of being his own boss. He doesn't remember Gail, yet there is something about her he needs to know more about.
The first time she knew she loved him, she was in the fourth grade and he was in Junior High School. Twenty years pass, but when she walks up to the counter, time freezes. Second Hand News, an 80,000 word, humorous romance is about starting over. How after twenty years two people find each other and fall in love.
I found your name the first time on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog every day, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.
==================================
Thanks one and all. Look forward to your feedback.
Aug 31, 2010
Query- The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
It's another Monday and my third submission of "Lizzie."
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, is an 85,000 word, humorous, paranormal romance about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
Lizzie, a woman who lives for status and adores fashion, travel and the good life, learns the night of her unexpected arrival in Brooklyn, she can no longer travel on a whim or charge her expenses to the family business.
While tending her family's five little row houses in Brooklyn, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco Theatre.
Aunt Annie tells Lizzie she is a direct descendent of the Moon Goddess and ironically, she must also relinquish all material possessions in order to remove a family curse and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
I read about you on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, and I believe my work will be of interest to you. Pasted to the bottom of this e-mail are the first ten pages of the book. Thank you for your consideration and time.
==============================
Excerpt:
Baptized Elizabeth Patricia Ann Brogan, my name is for both of my parents and my maternal Aunt Annie May. She was the wild one in the family and it is her blood, no doubt, that has caused all the ills of my life.
My Dad's reason for my behavior. "I'm telling you mother, it is the curse of Annie May come to visit upon us."
Of course, my Mother, Mary Elizabeth O'Connor Brogan, does not agree. "You'll not be calling me own baby sister a curse, Timothy Patrick Brogan."
It went deeper than Aunt Annie. It went back to the old days when they first came here and my mother had visions of pink and white ribbons and lace.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan began when an anxious young couple, my parents, traveled three thousand miles from county Mayo, Ireland to settle in a strange land called Brooklyn. They worked hard and scraped all their pennies together to purchase a house. The same house and basement where I am currently trapped below ground. Two years later and a few more pennies down, they purchase another house, and so on until they own five.
The short version is: my father walks ten miles in the snow to find work. They wear nothing but tattered rags, eat dirt and are grateful to have it. They sacrifice so I can waste my time with loud music and boys. Today they are the poster kids for the successful immigrant; the boy with holes in his shoes becomes a millionaire.
Lizzie, mom and dad are rich. You on the other hand are poor.
That would be the heir apparent, Timothy Patrick Brogan II, born one year to the day of their marriage, currently a spry fifty-one.
Allow me to introduce the rest of the family.
Each of my other siblings come in short order in the next seven years. They are Michael Peter Brogan, eighteen months younger than Timothy, Moira Camille Brogan O'Malley, born two years later, and one year apart John Matthew and Eloise Mary Brogan Mulligan.
This is the Brogan family until my mother learns her premature menopause is myself in the pink. When I squirm into the world, the closest in age of my siblings, my sister Eloise, is fifteen and in high school.
Thus, I am the late onset, premenopausal accident of two middle-aged, Irish parents.
=============================
Thanks. Visit my blog:
http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com/
Click here to read the first revision.
It's another Monday and my third submission of "Lizzie."
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, is an 85,000 word, humorous, paranormal romance about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
Lizzie, a woman who lives for status and adores fashion, travel and the good life, learns the night of her unexpected arrival in Brooklyn, she can no longer travel on a whim or charge her expenses to the family business.
While tending her family's five little row houses in Brooklyn, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco Theatre.
Aunt Annie tells Lizzie she is a direct descendent of the Moon Goddess and ironically, she must also relinquish all material possessions in order to remove a family curse and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
I read about you on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, and I believe my work will be of interest to you. Pasted to the bottom of this e-mail are the first ten pages of the book. Thank you for your consideration and time.
==============================
Excerpt:
Baptized Elizabeth Patricia Ann Brogan, my name is for both of my parents and my maternal Aunt Annie May. She was the wild one in the family and it is her blood, no doubt, that has caused all the ills of my life.
My Dad's reason for my behavior. "I'm telling you mother, it is the curse of Annie May come to visit upon us."
Of course, my Mother, Mary Elizabeth O'Connor Brogan, does not agree. "You'll not be calling me own baby sister a curse, Timothy Patrick Brogan."
It went deeper than Aunt Annie. It went back to the old days when they first came here and my mother had visions of pink and white ribbons and lace.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan began when an anxious young couple, my parents, traveled three thousand miles from county Mayo, Ireland to settle in a strange land called Brooklyn. They worked hard and scraped all their pennies together to purchase a house. The same house and basement where I am currently trapped below ground. Two years later and a few more pennies down, they purchase another house, and so on until they own five.
The short version is: my father walks ten miles in the snow to find work. They wear nothing but tattered rags, eat dirt and are grateful to have it. They sacrifice so I can waste my time with loud music and boys. Today they are the poster kids for the successful immigrant; the boy with holes in his shoes becomes a millionaire.
Lizzie, mom and dad are rich. You on the other hand are poor.
That would be the heir apparent, Timothy Patrick Brogan II, born one year to the day of their marriage, currently a spry fifty-one.
Allow me to introduce the rest of the family.
Each of my other siblings come in short order in the next seven years. They are Michael Peter Brogan, eighteen months younger than Timothy, Moira Camille Brogan O'Malley, born two years later, and one year apart John Matthew and Eloise Mary Brogan Mulligan.
This is the Brogan family until my mother learns her premature menopause is myself in the pink. When I squirm into the world, the closest in age of my siblings, my sister Eloise, is fifteen and in high school.
Thus, I am the late onset, premenopausal accident of two middle-aged, Irish parents.
=============================
Thanks. Visit my blog:
http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com/
Aug 24, 2010
Query- The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess
In each query the paragraph about how I found the agent changed. They are all done individually. I have not yet sent this to anyone.
Dear _____________:
Lizzie, the over indulged baby of the Brogan clan, lives a life of privilege until the morning of her thirtieth birthday, when her older brother delivers her to a Brooklyn basement apartment she calls her cave dwelling. Concerned Lizzie will remain the baby of the family, he employs a formula of tough love and hard work to help her grow up.
For the first month, she believes all she must face in her new life is the responsibility and collective confusion of five little row houses. Not quite. Soon, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco theatre.
During the next two years, while Lizzie discovers the secrets of the five houses, she also learns she is a direct descendent of The Moon Goddess, the Celtic Goddess of Love. By the summer soltice, using the book of sacred scribes, she must remove a curse, reverse each disaster that has plagued her and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words, is humorous, women's fiction about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
My eighteen-year career in community development and children's not-for-profit, has provided me numerous opportunities to hone my written and verbal skills. I am a comfortable public speaker, possessed the marketing skills necessary to gain valuable funding for our youth, and can create a network of support for my stories.
I found your name the first time on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog every day, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Respectively,
Florence Fois (a/k/a Cronin)
My blog: http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com.
e-mail: florencefois@aol.com
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and the Moon Goddess By: Florence Fois
The late bloomer ...
"The term is used metaphorically to describe a child or adolescent who develops more slowly than others in their age group, but eventually catches up and in some cases overtakes their peers, or an adult whose talent or genius in a particular field only appears later in life than is normal – in some cases only in old age."
Paraphrased from an Internet Encyclopedia
CHAPTER
My name is Lizzie and I live in a cave in Brooklyn. No, not like the Indian caves inside the cliffs which rise above the Hudson River. This is what my brother Timothy calls a modern boutique single, real estate jargon for a Brooklyn cave dwelling, known as a basement apartment rising above the concrete foundation of a row house.
Until the lovely May morning of my thirtieth birthday, my life was one of leisure and discovery, a series of adventures, the tastes and sounds of traversing the globe and each birthday, a magnificent event with a deluge of presents befitting the "baby" of the family.
Dear _____________:
Lizzie, the over indulged baby of the Brogan clan, lives a life of privilege until the morning of her thirtieth birthday, when her older brother delivers her to a Brooklyn basement apartment she calls her cave dwelling. Concerned Lizzie will remain the baby of the family, he employs a formula of tough love and hard work to help her grow up.
For the first month, she believes all she must face in her new life is the responsibility and collective confusion of five little row houses. Not quite. Soon, Lizzie meets the ghost of her Aunt Annie May, a bawdy, talented Broadway performer, whose portal to this life is a tramp steamer and an old wooden trunk from the Belasco theatre.
During the next two years, while Lizzie discovers the secrets of the five houses, she also learns she is a direct descendent of The Moon Goddess, the Celtic Goddess of Love. By the summer soltice, using the book of sacred scribes, she must remove a curse, reverse each disaster that has plagued her and help clear the way for the true magic of love.
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and The Moon Goddess, completed at 85,000 words, is humorous, women's fiction about a late bloomer who finally grows up with a little help from a ghost.
My eighteen-year career in community development and children's not-for-profit, has provided me numerous opportunities to hone my written and verbal skills. I am a comfortable public speaker, possessed the marketing skills necessary to gain valuable funding for our youth, and can create a network of support for my stories.
I found your name the first time on Chuck Sambuchino's Blog; A Guide To Literary Agents, read your blog every day, and I believe my work meets your criteria. I would be happy to send part or all of the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Respectively,
Florence Fois (a/k/a Cronin)
My blog: http://ramblingsfromtheleft.wordpress.com.
e-mail: florencefois@aol.com
The Tale of Lizzie Brogan and the Moon Goddess By: Florence Fois
The late bloomer ...
"The term is used metaphorically to describe a child or adolescent who develops more slowly than others in their age group, but eventually catches up and in some cases overtakes their peers, or an adult whose talent or genius in a particular field only appears later in life than is normal – in some cases only in old age."
Paraphrased from an Internet Encyclopedia
CHAPTER
My name is Lizzie and I live in a cave in Brooklyn. No, not like the Indian caves inside the cliffs which rise above the Hudson River. This is what my brother Timothy calls a modern boutique single, real estate jargon for a Brooklyn cave dwelling, known as a basement apartment rising above the concrete foundation of a row house.
Until the lovely May morning of my thirtieth birthday, my life was one of leisure and discovery, a series of adventures, the tastes and sounds of traversing the globe and each birthday, a magnificent event with a deluge of presents befitting the "baby" of the family.
May 14, 2010
QUERY- STRAPPED
I see you are looking for heros with a sense of humor and I believe you would be the perfect agent for my 94,000 word love story, disguised as a horror novel, entitled STRAPPED, which will appeal to the millions of fans who consistently make horror movies debut at number one at the box office on a regular basis.
A bad batch of flu shots has just turned over half of the population into flesh-eating corpses, leaving Paul Thomas-an unemployed shock jock- fighting for his life in a world where no one dares even go to the bathroom without a handgun strapped to their side. With the power out in the dead of a harsh Iowa winter, Paul works his way south from snowy farmhouses to a well-equipped boat in the Gulf of Mexico with his girlfriend, Sophia, and his buddy, Dan. Tragically, Paul loses both of them during their migration and must now decide wether or not to continue on with only Wendy, a blond stripper they’d recently met in Kansas. Few survivors, however, and seemingly endless nights of solitude together could lead to temptation for tormented and frightened souls, that will only serve to make matters worse.
Like Paul, I am also an unemployed radio guy and devoted fan of horror movies. I have worked at four rock stations and one outlaw country station in four states, affording me the ability to successfully make a living over the past twelve years writing and editing compelling content for live on-air breaks, celebrity interviews, commercial production and stage-intros at concerts and events ranging from Rob Zombie to the WWE.
STRAPPED is set to be the first in a dark trilogy and my completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request. I would love to work with you and thank you for your time!
Sincerely,
Sean Fisher
A bad batch of flu shots has just turned over half of the population into flesh-eating corpses, leaving Paul Thomas-an unemployed shock jock- fighting for his life in a world where no one dares even go to the bathroom without a handgun strapped to their side. With the power out in the dead of a harsh Iowa winter, Paul works his way south from snowy farmhouses to a well-equipped boat in the Gulf of Mexico with his girlfriend, Sophia, and his buddy, Dan. Tragically, Paul loses both of them during their migration and must now decide wether or not to continue on with only Wendy, a blond stripper they’d recently met in Kansas. Few survivors, however, and seemingly endless nights of solitude together could lead to temptation for tormented and frightened souls, that will only serve to make matters worse.
Like Paul, I am also an unemployed radio guy and devoted fan of horror movies. I have worked at four rock stations and one outlaw country station in four states, affording me the ability to successfully make a living over the past twelve years writing and editing compelling content for live on-air breaks, celebrity interviews, commercial production and stage-intros at concerts and events ranging from Rob Zombie to the WWE.
STRAPPED is set to be the first in a dark trilogy and my completed manuscript is ready to be sent at your request. I would love to work with you and thank you for your time!
Sincerely,
Sean Fisher
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