Aug 14, 2009

A Scorpion's Nature - Revision #4

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.

Dear Agent,

The other sunny idiots at YMCA Camp Crenden could hold hands and wallow in their Kum By Yah lovefest. Ryan Laraway chose to lash back at his evil Junior Counselor and a tyrant camper. Unleashing his rage was the only way Ryan knew how to deal with the torment of his father’s death. It stunk that he might get booted out, though. He was so close to talking with that gorgeous girl in his field sports class. She seemed lonely too, just like him.

A SCORPION’S NATURE follows an anguished thirteen year old who copes with death by walling himself off from the living. Ryan’s journey unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director’s mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word upper middle grade novel grew out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director.

The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.



Dear Agent:

Psychic Jasmine Winters is about to find out which is harder: saving a woman she hates from a headline-making serial killer, or learning someone she loves might be that killer.

DARK VISIONS, my 97,000-word mystery, opens with Jasmine’s vision of her nemesis’ murder. While she’d like to let Marissa meet her end, there’s one problem: Marissa is married to Jasmine’s best friend, Mark. So, she spills all to Mark, who insists Jasmine meet with police. A reluctant Jasmine has instant chemistry with Det. Eric Mathers, a lead investigator on the case. Despite ridicule from colleagues, Eric asks Jasmine to help with the investigation.

Eric and Jasmine grow close as she recounts her visions of future and past murders by the serial killer. Things are looking up as one of Jasmine’s visions leads to a breakthrough in the case, and she and Eric become further enmeshed. But the rosy outlook doesn’t last long. Jasmine witnesses signs of mental instability in Mark and begins having disturbing visions of Eric’s violent past.

When Jasmine sees evidence connecting Mark to the killer’s unique calling card and hears the venom he has toward his wife, she’s not sure what to think. She’s even less sure after she has a vision of Eric’s past violence ending in a murder. She’s got a feeling one of these men is connected to the serial murders. She’d be less concerned if she could see her own future, but those are the visions that never come to Jasmine. So, now she’s got to piece this puzzle together herself before it’s too late.

DARK VISIONS is my first novel. However, I have written professionally about crime. I covered crime and spot news for The Kansas City Star. I also wrote for Campus Crime, a trade publication focused on crime and policing techniques on college campuses.

I’d love to send you the complete Dark Visions manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.


[to blog viewers: thanks in advance for your feedback]