Oct 15, 2010

Amish, Vamps & Thieves

Dear Agent Person:

Anne Levy still considers herself Amish though she’s a vampire. When her brother, Thomas, pleads for her help with the thing mutilating the local farmers’ livestock, she goes home to Millersburg, Ohio, for the first time in over sixty years. But even she’s stumped. Neither the developers after the prime land or the werecoyotes spotted in the area have glowing red eyes or leaves weird tri-cornered bite marks. And it doesn’t help when Thomas’s well-meaning lawyer interferes with her investigation.

When attorney Colin Fitzgerald fled Philadelphia after accident that killed his brother and crippled his nephew, he thought he’d found peace in Millersburg, Ohio. But a simple land battle turns deadly when someone starts killing his Amish clients, not just their animals. Then there’s the mysterious woman he sees roaming Thomas Levy’s property at night. Hoping to catch the culprit behind the murders, Colin follows her one evening and saves her from a demonic creature. But who’s going to save him from the Amish cutie with fangs?

Amish, Vamps & Thieves is a 75,000-word paranormal romance.

Query- STEAM PALACE (revised)

Click here to read the original query.

Sometimes meeting your Evil Twin makes you wonder which one you are.

In the world of STEAM PALACE, New England shunned the Revolution and formed the Kingdom of New Britannia. In 1878, twins are separated at birth, one to live with her abusive mother in poverty, the other raised as a favored daughter of the court. Twenty-three years later, the ‘courtly’ twin has lost her title, her lands, and the only means of supporting her family, so she travels to Hartford where she meets her double--and it’s hate at first sight. The twins view each other as the enemy, the ‘evil twin.’ To restore her family’s station, the ‘courtly’ twin seeks the hand of an ambitious Duke, but her sister is his secret lover. The Duke pits the twins against each other while he plots with their country’s enemies in search of the mythical Sea Key. As enemy heavy dirigible bombers approach their respective homes, the twins must first overcome their mutual loathing, and then use their shared ‘mad passion’ to defeat the Duke and save New Britannia from steam-powered invaders by finding the Sea Key and unlocking its power.

STEAM PALACE, a Steampunk Adventure, is complete at 120,000 words. I have completed a creative writing certificate course at the University of Washington, completed Holly Lisle’s “How To Revise Your Novel” online course, and I co-host a local critique group.

A couple other ideas for the hook line:

You meet your Evil Twin...but who’s to say you aren’t the evil one?
Mutually Assured Destruction is not how twins should treat each other.

Thanks for your input!
I think it can/should be shortened even more. What do you think?