Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version.
[If I don't get it close to right this time, I'm gonna pull my hair out!]
Dear Agent:
After a chance encounter with tall-dark-and-handsome, Detective Anna Savage finds her old passions for secrets and mystery start to resurface like wounds reopening to the air. Her wealthy, sexy suitor comes to sweep her off her feet and carry her to a mansion in Paris. It’s not a problem that Pierre DuChamps is a vampire. In fact, that only sweetens the deal. It’s a dream come true for Anna, a dark fairy tale she had only imagined would ever come true.
But he is determined to find a cure for his Thirst. In some way, the solution seems to be in the unborn half-human, half-vampire child of her friend, Maggie LeBlanc. The child is an anomaly, but much more than a science experiment. The birth is imminent, but the baby’s fate is unclear. Are Pierre’s intentions pure or does he have some sinister intent for the child? And her dreams keep warning Anna that Pierre is not what he seems. Does she follow her heart and help the vampire she’s falling for, or trust in her instinct to protect the innocent and lose Pierre forever?
There’s no way for her to know the importance of her choice; that with this birth comes the entire force of Heaven. This child will be a dark Messiah, sent on a Holy mission to release the vampire souls from their perpetual Hell. To the victor goes Salvation, and it all hinges on Anna Savage. The choice she makes will determine not only her own fate, but that of thousands of others.
Genesis is a completed contemporary fantasy novel. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Tara
[Contact Info]
Aug 12, 2009
BROKEN - OPENING PAGES REVISED 1
Click here to read the query.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Click here to read the original sample page.
Hello everyone! Revised the opening pages of BROKEN based on feedback. Interested in comments of all sorts. Thank you again for your time!
She didn’t notice the blood at first.
Glittering packs of high-heeled twentysomethings shivered past her on their way from one bar to the next, and her head was thick from dollar pitchers with the boys after shift change.
She waved off catcalls from a man across the street who wasn’t shy about telling her how happy he could make her New Year.
“You a cop?” he asked, eyeing her uniform. “‘Cause I’m a bad, bad boy.”
Flashing the badge and writing up a horny drunk for public intoxication would have taken less than ten minutes, but she was off duty and close to the two bedroom apartment she shared with her kid sister, Connie.
The first few riffs of “Come on Eileen” burst through an open door, pummeling dirty snow banks and wobbly patrons who’d stepped outside for a smoke. She couldn’t place the other songs in the air. They were heavy with base and drums. The kind of music that Connie would know.
She didn’t hear a scream.
Connie was probably in one of these bars, wearing the skimpy Max Mara dress she’d borrowed to impress the bartender with the goatee who couldn’t take the night off. Connie could do better than that guy, she thought. Better than most of the guys she’d been dating.
She turned into the alley near the back entrance to their apartment complex. A sodium street lamp on the fritz flashed an orange glow across the dumpsters at unpredictable intervals, and something flickered in the darkness beneath a shadowy mound that resembled a garbage bag.
She didn’t see the blood.
Mrs. Lipinski, the old widow on the third floor, was dropping trash off the back porch again. She swore under her breath, expecting to find the alley littered with spoiled fish and cartons of rancid milk like last time.
She didn’t.
Her footsteps slowed to a halt. Her eyes settled on a high heel shoe poking out of the snow and found the mate flung inches away.
And when the sodium lamp flashed at the shadows again, Madeline Gunn saw the rest. She saw the ground beneath her oil-slicked with her sister’s blood. Blood that still gushed from the places where Connie’s flesh had been ripped down to muscle and bone. She saw the Max Mara dress shredded past her sister’s waist, exposing Connie’s bare, beaten body to the cold and the night.
Mostly, she saw that her sister had been running towards home, Madeline thought. And that she wasn’t there to save her.
Madeline dropped to her knees and cupped her sister’s still warm face in her hands. She stared into the glassy eyes that looked out at nothing and called Connie’s name until she knew that her sister would never reply with a word or a whisper.
Madeline Gunn rose to her feet and unholstered the gun at her waist. Her hands, wet with her sister’s blood, burned in the frozen wind. She stepped into the darkness, and her breath quickened to the ragged pant of an animal poised to kill.
A revision of the query has been posted, click here to read it.
Click here to read the original sample page.
Hello everyone! Revised the opening pages of BROKEN based on feedback. Interested in comments of all sorts. Thank you again for your time!
She didn’t notice the blood at first.
Glittering packs of high-heeled twentysomethings shivered past her on their way from one bar to the next, and her head was thick from dollar pitchers with the boys after shift change.
She waved off catcalls from a man across the street who wasn’t shy about telling her how happy he could make her New Year.
“You a cop?” he asked, eyeing her uniform. “‘Cause I’m a bad, bad boy.”
Flashing the badge and writing up a horny drunk for public intoxication would have taken less than ten minutes, but she was off duty and close to the two bedroom apartment she shared with her kid sister, Connie.
The first few riffs of “Come on Eileen” burst through an open door, pummeling dirty snow banks and wobbly patrons who’d stepped outside for a smoke. She couldn’t place the other songs in the air. They were heavy with base and drums. The kind of music that Connie would know.
She didn’t hear a scream.
Connie was probably in one of these bars, wearing the skimpy Max Mara dress she’d borrowed to impress the bartender with the goatee who couldn’t take the night off. Connie could do better than that guy, she thought. Better than most of the guys she’d been dating.
She turned into the alley near the back entrance to their apartment complex. A sodium street lamp on the fritz flashed an orange glow across the dumpsters at unpredictable intervals, and something flickered in the darkness beneath a shadowy mound that resembled a garbage bag.
She didn’t see the blood.
Mrs. Lipinski, the old widow on the third floor, was dropping trash off the back porch again. She swore under her breath, expecting to find the alley littered with spoiled fish and cartons of rancid milk like last time.
She didn’t.
Her footsteps slowed to a halt. Her eyes settled on a high heel shoe poking out of the snow and found the mate flung inches away.
And when the sodium lamp flashed at the shadows again, Madeline Gunn saw the rest. She saw the ground beneath her oil-slicked with her sister’s blood. Blood that still gushed from the places where Connie’s flesh had been ripped down to muscle and bone. She saw the Max Mara dress shredded past her sister’s waist, exposing Connie’s bare, beaten body to the cold and the night.
Mostly, she saw that her sister had been running towards home, Madeline thought. And that she wasn’t there to save her.
Madeline dropped to her knees and cupped her sister’s still warm face in her hands. She stared into the glassy eyes that looked out at nothing and called Connie’s name until she knew that her sister would never reply with a word or a whisper.
Madeline Gunn rose to her feet and unholstered the gun at her waist. Her hands, wet with her sister’s blood, burned in the frozen wind. She stepped into the darkness, and her breath quickened to the ragged pant of an animal poised to kill.
Aug 11, 2009
QUERY – A SCORPION’S NATURE – REVISION #2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
The other sunny idiots at YMCA Camp Powell could hold hands and Kum Ba Yah all they wanted. Thirteen year old Kyle Matusik lashed back at his evil Junior Counselor and a tyrant camper. Unleashing his rage was the only way Kyle knew how to deal with the torment of his father’s suspicious death. It stunk that he might get booted out, though. He was so close to talking with that gorgeous girl in his sports class. She seemed lonely too, just like him.
A SCORPION’S NATURE unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director’s mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word middle grade novel grew out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director.
The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.
Sincerely,
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
The other sunny idiots at YMCA Camp Powell could hold hands and Kum Ba Yah all they wanted. Thirteen year old Kyle Matusik lashed back at his evil Junior Counselor and a tyrant camper. Unleashing his rage was the only way Kyle knew how to deal with the torment of his father’s suspicious death. It stunk that he might get booted out, though. He was so close to talking with that gorgeous girl in his sports class. She seemed lonely too, just like him.
A SCORPION’S NATURE unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director’s mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word middle grade novel grew out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director.
The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.
Sincerely,
Query - Genesis (Revision One)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent:
“It’s okay to be a little crazy,” she says with a chuckle. Detective Anna Savage is no stranger to sin or violence. But her past motivates her to protect others from the evil she knows is out there; the darkness she has been drawn to her entire life.
After a chance encounter with tall-dark-and-handsome in Pittsburgh, her old passions for secrets and mystery start to resurface like wounds reopening to the air. Then finally her wealthy, sexy suitor comes to sweep her off her feet and carry her to a mansion in the City of Love. It’s not a problem that Pierre DuChamps is a vampire. In fact, that only sweetens the deal. It’s a dream come true for Anna, a dark fairy tale she had only imagined would ever come true. She could really see herself loving him.
But he is determined to find a cure for his Thirst. In some way Anna doesn’t understand, the solution seems to be in an unborn half-human, half-vampire child. It’s an anomaly, but much more than a science experiment to its expecting parents. The birth is imminent, but the baby’s fate is unclear. Are Pierre’s intentions pure or does he have some sinister intent for the child? And her dreams keep warning Anna that Pierre is not what he seems. Does she follow her heart and help the vampire she’s falling for, or trust in her instinct to protect the innocent?
There’s no way for her to know the importance of her choice; that with this child comes the entire force of Heaven. This child will mark the beginning of the journey to save the souls corrupted inside the world’s vampires. To the victor goes Salvation, and it all hinges on Anna Savage.
Genesis is a completed contemporary fantasy novel. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Tara
[Contact Info]
Dear Agent:
“It’s okay to be a little crazy,” she says with a chuckle. Detective Anna Savage is no stranger to sin or violence. But her past motivates her to protect others from the evil she knows is out there; the darkness she has been drawn to her entire life.
After a chance encounter with tall-dark-and-handsome in Pittsburgh, her old passions for secrets and mystery start to resurface like wounds reopening to the air. Then finally her wealthy, sexy suitor comes to sweep her off her feet and carry her to a mansion in the City of Love. It’s not a problem that Pierre DuChamps is a vampire. In fact, that only sweetens the deal. It’s a dream come true for Anna, a dark fairy tale she had only imagined would ever come true. She could really see herself loving him.
But he is determined to find a cure for his Thirst. In some way Anna doesn’t understand, the solution seems to be in an unborn half-human, half-vampire child. It’s an anomaly, but much more than a science experiment to its expecting parents. The birth is imminent, but the baby’s fate is unclear. Are Pierre’s intentions pure or does he have some sinister intent for the child? And her dreams keep warning Anna that Pierre is not what he seems. Does she follow her heart and help the vampire she’s falling for, or trust in her instinct to protect the innocent?
There’s no way for her to know the importance of her choice; that with this child comes the entire force of Heaven. This child will mark the beginning of the journey to save the souls corrupted inside the world’s vampires. To the victor goes Salvation, and it all hinges on Anna Savage.
Genesis is a completed contemporary fantasy novel. Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Sincerely,
Tara
[Contact Info]
The Last Flight- Revision 3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version.
Richard Harper, freelance and highly touted insurance investigator, accepted an offer from the Chief Financial Officer of Global Investments LTD to investigate the largest investment scheme he had ever known. Becoming part of an elaborate cover-up never entered his mind, nor did the idea of his wife Lydia being seduced by Mark Flannary, CEO of Global Investments LTD.
The Division of Enforcement of the Securities and Exchange Commission has been monitoring the irregularities in the hedge funds data base for Global Investments LTD all of 2008. Now in early 2009, Jeff Conklin, special investigator for the SEC, begins to unravel the scheme that may well take the company to financial ruin. Collaborating with Richard Harper, Jeff finds that not all is what it seems to be. Trust, sex, and murder are wrapped tightly in the investigation as Jeff gives due diligence to his case.
I am looking for representation for a completed 85K word crime genre novel. Your agency was recommended as one of the top 50 in the country for longevity and for getting results. Also, Mr. Fry, I noticed when visiting your web site, you have particular interest in crime genre.
Thank you in advance for your time reading my query and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Click here to read the second version.
Richard Harper, freelance and highly touted insurance investigator, accepted an offer from the Chief Financial Officer of Global Investments LTD to investigate the largest investment scheme he had ever known. Becoming part of an elaborate cover-up never entered his mind, nor did the idea of his wife Lydia being seduced by Mark Flannary, CEO of Global Investments LTD.
The Division of Enforcement of the Securities and Exchange Commission has been monitoring the irregularities in the hedge funds data base for Global Investments LTD all of 2008. Now in early 2009, Jeff Conklin, special investigator for the SEC, begins to unravel the scheme that may well take the company to financial ruin. Collaborating with Richard Harper, Jeff finds that not all is what it seems to be. Trust, sex, and murder are wrapped tightly in the investigation as Jeff gives due diligence to his case.
I am looking for representation for a completed 85K word crime genre novel. Your agency was recommended as one of the top 50 in the country for longevity and for getting results. Also, Mr. Fry, I noticed when visiting your web site, you have particular interest in crime genre.
Thank you in advance for your time reading my query and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Aug 10, 2009
Query - 'History Lessons'
Oxford University freshers* Quinn Foster and Jack Townshend embark on history degrees at St. Swithun’s College expecting the same things as most Oxford freshers; academic rigor, a world-renowned faculty and a lifetime of shameless name dropping. They don’t expect to discover that a celebrated British General threw the American Revolution.
When the respected, brilliant and terrifying Professor Clifton assigns them a joint research project, the two stumble upon the journal of General George Padgett, lead commander of British forces in the American Revolution. A guilt-ridden account of his role in a plot to depose King George III, Padgett’s narrative weaves a tale of ambition and idealism gone awry while turning conventional historical scholarship on its head.
Stunned, Jack and Quinn hunt for further proof of Padgett’s claims before making the journal public. But when Quinn's best friend is brutally attacked within the secure college walls and the journal is stolen from Jack’s room, they realize that exposing Padgett’s tale will have consequences reaching far beyond academia. Someone else knows his story and will stop at nothing to keep it out of history books for good.
Jack and Quinn have a choice – to shut their eyes to a groundbreaking discovery and get on with life or to continue their pursuit of the truth and risk everything that matters.
History Lessons is complete at 78,000 words. I am a 2008 graduate of Oxford University with a B.A. in History. My undergraduate thesis focused upon the events leading up to the American Revolution and an essay I wrote on the same period was published in the 2005 Summer Edition of The Concord Review, a historical journal.
Thanks very much for your time and consideration.
When the respected, brilliant and terrifying Professor Clifton assigns them a joint research project, the two stumble upon the journal of General George Padgett, lead commander of British forces in the American Revolution. A guilt-ridden account of his role in a plot to depose King George III, Padgett’s narrative weaves a tale of ambition and idealism gone awry while turning conventional historical scholarship on its head.
Stunned, Jack and Quinn hunt for further proof of Padgett’s claims before making the journal public. But when Quinn's best friend is brutally attacked within the secure college walls and the journal is stolen from Jack’s room, they realize that exposing Padgett’s tale will have consequences reaching far beyond academia. Someone else knows his story and will stop at nothing to keep it out of history books for good.
Jack and Quinn have a choice – to shut their eyes to a groundbreaking discovery and get on with life or to continue their pursuit of the truth and risk everything that matters.
History Lessons is complete at 78,000 words. I am a 2008 graduate of Oxford University with a B.A. in History. My undergraduate thesis focused upon the events leading up to the American Revolution and an essay I wrote on the same period was published in the 2005 Summer Edition of The Concord Review, a historical journal.
Thanks very much for your time and consideration.
QUERY: NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Not Her Mother’s Fate, a 90,000 word family drama set in Oroville, Ca, between 1978 - 1983, would appeal to women who have either been victims of domestic violence and/or sexual assault, or who have known someone who is a survivor.
Amy Thompson never expected to find a safe haven from her abusive childhood among the burnouts and party crowd when she accepts a friend’s invitation to roommate. With the support of friends, she is able to heal, and when impulsively charming Robert Crane makes his move, she is ready for romance. It doesn’t take long for Robert’s alcoholic nature to manifest, but the couple are pressured by friends, family and church to remain together.
As Robert’s drunkenness escalates into violence, Amy is haunted by flashbacks and nightmares of her childhood, and she’s determined not to end up with her own mother’s deadly fate. Escape is not so easy however, as Amy’s attraction to his best friend - a man who frequently and unwittingly rescues her from the worst of Robert’s failings - becomes a testing ground of friendship, love and loyalty. A final tragedy forces Amy to choose between abandoning both men, or making one last attempt at true love.
Thank you for reviewing my project. Per your submission guidelines, please find below the first five pages of Not Her Mother’s Fate.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
Not Her Mother’s Fate, a 90,000 word family drama set in Oroville, Ca, between 1978 - 1983, would appeal to women who have either been victims of domestic violence and/or sexual assault, or who have known someone who is a survivor.
Amy Thompson never expected to find a safe haven from her abusive childhood among the burnouts and party crowd when she accepts a friend’s invitation to roommate. With the support of friends, she is able to heal, and when impulsively charming Robert Crane makes his move, she is ready for romance. It doesn’t take long for Robert’s alcoholic nature to manifest, but the couple are pressured by friends, family and church to remain together.
As Robert’s drunkenness escalates into violence, Amy is haunted by flashbacks and nightmares of her childhood, and she’s determined not to end up with her own mother’s deadly fate. Escape is not so easy however, as Amy’s attraction to his best friend - a man who frequently and unwittingly rescues her from the worst of Robert’s failings - becomes a testing ground of friendship, love and loyalty. A final tragedy forces Amy to choose between abandoning both men, or making one last attempt at true love.
Thank you for reviewing my project. Per your submission guidelines, please find below the first five pages of Not Her Mother’s Fate.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
Critiquing Critiques (Revision 1)
If there are any of you that didn't see my guest post over at Nathan Bransford's blog, here is a re-posting. Don't by shy about clicking over to the original, there are many comments with additional advice, including some good points by regular commentors here (Bane of Anubis, for example had a great follow up comment, so did Tricia O'Brien). For those who did see it, you may notice a few additions in this version...
Critiquing Critiques
Writing a novel is a lonely task. Sure, our characters keep us company, but after numerous readings and revisions they transform into red-headed step-children and we want them to leave us alone. That’s when it’s time to ship them off to boarding school, where they are tested under the critiques of our friends and family. Not all of them graduate.
As writers, we yearn for feedback. Aside from the chosen few who produce flawless prose on the first draft (and can’t ever fathom why the query for their masterpiece was rejected by those ungrateful agents), we understand that hearing the honest opinions of readers is crucial to perfecting our work. However, opening our souls to criticism can be daunting…
Giving a Critique
I recommend the sandwich approach, where you start with a positive point, give an honest opinion of what doesn’t work for you (may be multiple points), and then end with another positive point or words of encouragement. I’ve found that the sandwich approach helps put recipients at ease (especially if they are hungry). It makes people more receptive to constructive criticism and keeps them from getting overly defensive. If you are taking the time to provide the feedback, you should want the person to actually do something with it.
Be careful if you re-write something as an example, especially in a query critique. A short clause or sentence is one thing, but if you start re-writing paragraphs you are providing more than advice – you are providing voice.
Know your audience and respect the forum. If it is public, and you are criticizing the work of someone you don't know, and extra level of professionalism is warranted. Some sites that post work for feedback are dedicated to snark and humor, some blunt force trauma, and some polite but pointed feedback. This particular site fits in the latter-most category.
What Not to Do When Giving a Critique
- Don’t be overly apologetic or you will undermine your own opinions.
- Don’t hunt for things just because you feel you have to suggest something. Sometimes the work we review is really good. However…
- Don’t limit your feedback to praise just because you are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. Paula Abdul has cornered that market. (NOTE: This position is open again, she's leaving Idol. But remember - there can be only one!)
- Don’t be a ruthless jerk. Simon Cowell has cornered that market.
- Don't get upset if someone doesn't run with your advice. If you say, "Why did you ask me if you weren't going to do what I said?" I will answer: Because I didn't know what your response would be.
Receiving a Critique
Rule # 1: Don’t pout if you hear something negative. Remember that you asked for the feedback in the first place. Don't get defensive and don't argue.
Rule # 2: Wait until all the feedback is in before you seriously contemplate your changes. Depending on the length of the work in question (e.g. a query vs a full manuscript) this may be 24 hours, or it may be several weeks.
Rule # 3: Seriously contemplate your changes. Take time. Work through it. You never microwave a roast. Slow cooking always turns out better. (NOTE: what’s with all the food references?)
Rule # 4: Look for common threads in the feedback and start there. The advice of the many outweighs the advice of the few.
Rule # 5: Re-write. If someone provides a re-write as an example, don’t just copy it. Try to understand why they suggested those changes. Otherwise you may dilute your own voice and you miss the opportunity to learn something.
Rule # 6: Ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. (NOTE: Please remember that this is in regard to critiques, not form rejections. Agents are not critique partners. No matter how much we want them to be.)
Rule #7: Be ready to disregard any feedback that doesn't make sense. Sometimes people will tell you to say something different, but that does not always equate to better. Some people may give ill-advised feedback. If it doesn't make sense and if clarification seems unnecessary, just disregard it.
Rule # 8: Thank the people who took the time to offer their feedback, and pay it forward by offering a critique to someone else.
Critiquing Critiques
Writing a novel is a lonely task. Sure, our characters keep us company, but after numerous readings and revisions they transform into red-headed step-children and we want them to leave us alone. That’s when it’s time to ship them off to boarding school, where they are tested under the critiques of our friends and family. Not all of them graduate.
As writers, we yearn for feedback. Aside from the chosen few who produce flawless prose on the first draft (and can’t ever fathom why the query for their masterpiece was rejected by those ungrateful agents), we understand that hearing the honest opinions of readers is crucial to perfecting our work. However, opening our souls to criticism can be daunting…
Giving a Critique
I recommend the sandwich approach, where you start with a positive point, give an honest opinion of what doesn’t work for you (may be multiple points), and then end with another positive point or words of encouragement. I’ve found that the sandwich approach helps put recipients at ease (especially if they are hungry). It makes people more receptive to constructive criticism and keeps them from getting overly defensive. If you are taking the time to provide the feedback, you should want the person to actually do something with it.
Be careful if you re-write something as an example, especially in a query critique. A short clause or sentence is one thing, but if you start re-writing paragraphs you are providing more than advice – you are providing voice.
Know your audience and respect the forum. If it is public, and you are criticizing the work of someone you don't know, and extra level of professionalism is warranted. Some sites that post work for feedback are dedicated to snark and humor, some blunt force trauma, and some polite but pointed feedback. This particular site fits in the latter-most category.
What Not to Do When Giving a Critique
- Don’t be overly apologetic or you will undermine your own opinions.
- Don’t hunt for things just because you feel you have to suggest something. Sometimes the work we review is really good. However…
- Don’t limit your feedback to praise just because you are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. Paula Abdul has cornered that market. (NOTE: This position is open again, she's leaving Idol. But remember - there can be only one!)
- Don’t be a ruthless jerk. Simon Cowell has cornered that market.
- Don't get upset if someone doesn't run with your advice. If you say, "Why did you ask me if you weren't going to do what I said?" I will answer: Because I didn't know what your response would be.
Receiving a Critique
Rule # 1: Don’t pout if you hear something negative. Remember that you asked for the feedback in the first place. Don't get defensive and don't argue.
Rule # 2: Wait until all the feedback is in before you seriously contemplate your changes. Depending on the length of the work in question (e.g. a query vs a full manuscript) this may be 24 hours, or it may be several weeks.
Rule # 3: Seriously contemplate your changes. Take time. Work through it. You never microwave a roast. Slow cooking always turns out better. (NOTE: what’s with all the food references?)
Rule # 4: Look for common threads in the feedback and start there. The advice of the many outweighs the advice of the few.
Rule # 5: Re-write. If someone provides a re-write as an example, don’t just copy it. Try to understand why they suggested those changes. Otherwise you may dilute your own voice and you miss the opportunity to learn something.
Rule # 6: Ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. (NOTE: Please remember that this is in regard to critiques, not form rejections. Agents are not critique partners. No matter how much we want them to be.)
Rule #7: Be ready to disregard any feedback that doesn't make sense. Sometimes people will tell you to say something different, but that does not always equate to better. Some people may give ill-advised feedback. If it doesn't make sense and if clarification seems unnecessary, just disregard it.
Rule # 8: Thank the people who took the time to offer their feedback, and pay it forward by offering a critique to someone else.
Aug 8, 2009
Query: FERRIS' BLUFF #4 (Thriller)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Agency
Agent
Street Address
New York, NY, 10010
Dear Ms. Agent,
Ace Evans is an ex-SEAL/undercover operative forced to live a solitary vagabond existence. He risks a visit with an old friend and soon discovers that the quaint, gossipy little town of Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas, has a very dark side.
His friend is in a coma, a virtual prisoner in the nursing home, and Ace is drawn into a series of confrontations with a number of ruthless local villains--a conniving greedy lawyer, his even greedier wife, and a brutal town tough.
And if that ain’t thorny enough—Russian gangsters, vengeful enemies from his shadowy past are skulking around.
Ace knows he should hit the road, not only to protect his fragile alias but also to (hopefully) assure the safety of his new friends; especially Annie Travers, the woman he has been trying to deny a growing affection for, a widow as lonely and damaged as he is.
But the body count rises and the lawyer’s murderous schemes continue to threaten the people he’s become very fond of.
Resolved to make a life for himself in Ferris’ Bluff, Ace enlists the aid of his new friends to try and pull off a dangerous ruse, a bluff of his own, luring both the lawyer and the Russians into a violent, deadly showdown.
FERRIS’ BLUFF is a 96K word thriller with a southern drawl and a smoldering romance tucked inside. Thanks for taking a look. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Fred Limberg
Email
phone
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Agency
Agent
Street Address
New York, NY, 10010
Dear Ms. Agent,
Ace Evans is an ex-SEAL/undercover operative forced to live a solitary vagabond existence. He risks a visit with an old friend and soon discovers that the quaint, gossipy little town of Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas, has a very dark side.
His friend is in a coma, a virtual prisoner in the nursing home, and Ace is drawn into a series of confrontations with a number of ruthless local villains--a conniving greedy lawyer, his even greedier wife, and a brutal town tough.
And if that ain’t thorny enough—Russian gangsters, vengeful enemies from his shadowy past are skulking around.
Ace knows he should hit the road, not only to protect his fragile alias but also to (hopefully) assure the safety of his new friends; especially Annie Travers, the woman he has been trying to deny a growing affection for, a widow as lonely and damaged as he is.
But the body count rises and the lawyer’s murderous schemes continue to threaten the people he’s become very fond of.
Resolved to make a life for himself in Ferris’ Bluff, Ace enlists the aid of his new friends to try and pull off a dangerous ruse, a bluff of his own, luring both the lawyer and the Russians into a violent, deadly showdown.
FERRIS’ BLUFF is a 96K word thriller with a southern drawl and a smoldering romance tucked inside. Thanks for taking a look. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Fred Limberg
phone
Query - Genesis
Dr. Maggie LeBlanc is a specialist in blood. She's a scientist, a Catholic, and an innocent, desperately trying to save lives. Rick Herten is a specialist in depravity. He's a rockstar, a womanizer and a violent alcoholic, slowly destroying himself to atone for old sins. They're a highly improbable pair who, under normal circumstances, would never even meet, much less have a child together.
Pierre DuChamps, a sadistic vampire looking for a cure for his thirst, will change those circumstances in the most drastic of ways. When he abducts them away to his house in Paris, they must count on one another to live through it and protect their unborn son. In the middle is Pierre's love, Anna Savage, a human detective torn between her protective instinct and her desire for the dark power that he can offer her.
But none of them can know the importance of their choices; that with this child comes the entire force of Heaven. This is the Genesis of the solution; the beginning of the journey to save the souls lost to the vampire blood. These three people are brought together in Paris to fulfill their intertwined destinies and save countless thousands from their perpetual Hell. To the victor goes Salvation.
Genesis is complete at 127,000 words and well-suited for the adult fantasy market. It is intended as part of a book series, the second of which is in outline form. I know you’re up to your ears in queries, so thank you for taking the time to read this. Please feel free to email me at bloodcrossed@gmail.com if you are interested in viewing a more detailed sample of the work. Thanks again for your consideration.
Pierre DuChamps, a sadistic vampire looking for a cure for his thirst, will change those circumstances in the most drastic of ways. When he abducts them away to his house in Paris, they must count on one another to live through it and protect their unborn son. In the middle is Pierre's love, Anna Savage, a human detective torn between her protective instinct and her desire for the dark power that he can offer her.
But none of them can know the importance of their choices; that with this child comes the entire force of Heaven. This is the Genesis of the solution; the beginning of the journey to save the souls lost to the vampire blood. These three people are brought together in Paris to fulfill their intertwined destinies and save countless thousands from their perpetual Hell. To the victor goes Salvation.
Genesis is complete at 127,000 words and well-suited for the adult fantasy market. It is intended as part of a book series, the second of which is in outline form. I know you’re up to your ears in queries, so thank you for taking the time to read this. Please feel free to email me at bloodcrossed@gmail.com if you are interested in viewing a more detailed sample of the work. Thanks again for your consideration.
Query- The Last Flight (Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Richard pulled the chord.The chute did not open. He grabbed the emergency chord and the chute did not respond. He calculated his life ending in approximately ninety seconds, not enough time to review instant replay of his life.
Richard Harper accepted an offer to investigate the largest insurance fraud he had ever known. Getting corrupted never entered his mind, nor did the idea of his wife Lydia getting seduced by Mark Flannary, CEO of Global Investments LTD.
The SEC had been watching the irregularities in the hedge funds for Global Investments LTD all of 2008. Now in early 2009, Jeff Conklin, special investigator for SEC, begins to unravel the company's scheme.Befriending Richard Harper , Jeff finds that all is not what it seems to be. Trust, sex, and murder is wrapped tightly in the lives of Richard, wife Lydia,and Mark before justice prevails.
I am looking for representation for a completed 85K word crime genre novel. This is my first go at searching for an agent and your agency was recommended as top 50 in the country for longevity and for getting results. Also, Mr. Fry, I noticed when visiting your web site, you have particular interest in crime genre.
Thank you in advance for your time reading my query and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Richard pulled the chord.The chute did not open. He grabbed the emergency chord and the chute did not respond. He calculated his life ending in approximately ninety seconds, not enough time to review instant replay of his life.
Richard Harper accepted an offer to investigate the largest insurance fraud he had ever known. Getting corrupted never entered his mind, nor did the idea of his wife Lydia getting seduced by Mark Flannary, CEO of Global Investments LTD.
The SEC had been watching the irregularities in the hedge funds for Global Investments LTD all of 2008. Now in early 2009, Jeff Conklin, special investigator for SEC, begins to unravel the company's scheme.Befriending Richard Harper , Jeff finds that all is not what it seems to be. Trust, sex, and murder is wrapped tightly in the lives of Richard, wife Lydia,and Mark before justice prevails.
I am looking for representation for a completed 85K word crime genre novel. This is my first go at searching for an agent and your agency was recommended as top 50 in the country for longevity and for getting results. Also, Mr. Fry, I noticed when visiting your web site, you have particular interest in crime genre.
Thank you in advance for your time reading my query and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Query--Shadow Falls
There are people who know sixteen-year-old Willow Sinclair’s big secret. Unfortunately, Willow isn’t one of them.
Will senses something strange is going on the first week she starts her new school in the mountains of North Carolina. For a girl who has spent the first two years of high school successfully blending into the scenery, she suddenly is getting a whole lot of attention.
First, the faculty is giving her the hard sell on joining the Leadership Council (the LC), an exclusive club of students with ties to the academy’s biggest donor, a charismatic televangelist. The members are supermodel perfect, smart as hell, and spiritually dedicated. Willow can think of nothing she would like to join less.
Then, two gorgeous boys are competing for her interest and warning her about the danger the other one poses. Will is confused. When did a fairy godmother sneak into her room and sprinkle her with desirable dust? Boys like these would have existed in another orbit from her at her old school in Texas.
Finally, as if beautiful boys and pushy teachers aren’t enough to drive a girl to the edge, Will starts seeing colors around people and develops the olfactory glands of a bloodhound.
Will needs answers. But which guy can she trust to give them to her? Rivers, the sweet Alabama boy with the killer dimples, who also happens to be a member of the LC? Or Pierce, the over-confident preacher’s son with a reputation for preying on new girls and an ax to grind with his father?
Both boys know her secret. Each has their own agenda. If Will aligns with one, she risks her freedom, the lives of innocent people, and her shot at experiencing real love. If she chooses the other, she faces a destiny that someone in her past has worked hard to protect her from.
And she thought her biggest problem with starting a new school would be fitting in.
Ms. Agent, I am pleased to submit for your consideration my paranormal young adult novel, SHADOW FALLS, complete at 85,000 words. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration. If you would like to learn more about me or my writing, please visit me at http://fictiongroupie.blogspot.com I look forward to hearing from you.
Will senses something strange is going on the first week she starts her new school in the mountains of North Carolina. For a girl who has spent the first two years of high school successfully blending into the scenery, she suddenly is getting a whole lot of attention.
First, the faculty is giving her the hard sell on joining the Leadership Council (the LC), an exclusive club of students with ties to the academy’s biggest donor, a charismatic televangelist. The members are supermodel perfect, smart as hell, and spiritually dedicated. Willow can think of nothing she would like to join less.
Then, two gorgeous boys are competing for her interest and warning her about the danger the other one poses. Will is confused. When did a fairy godmother sneak into her room and sprinkle her with desirable dust? Boys like these would have existed in another orbit from her at her old school in Texas.
Finally, as if beautiful boys and pushy teachers aren’t enough to drive a girl to the edge, Will starts seeing colors around people and develops the olfactory glands of a bloodhound.
Will needs answers. But which guy can she trust to give them to her? Rivers, the sweet Alabama boy with the killer dimples, who also happens to be a member of the LC? Or Pierce, the over-confident preacher’s son with a reputation for preying on new girls and an ax to grind with his father?
Both boys know her secret. Each has their own agenda. If Will aligns with one, she risks her freedom, the lives of innocent people, and her shot at experiencing real love. If she chooses the other, she faces a destiny that someone in her past has worked hard to protect her from.
And she thought her biggest problem with starting a new school would be fitting in.
Ms. Agent, I am pleased to submit for your consideration my paranormal young adult novel, SHADOW FALLS, complete at 85,000 words. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration. If you would like to learn more about me or my writing, please visit me at http://fictiongroupie.blogspot.com I look forward to hearing from you.
Aug 7, 2009
Query- The Last Flight
Richard pulled the chord.The chute did not open. He grabbed the emergency chord and the chute did not respond. He calculated his life ending in approximately ninety seconds, not enough time to review instant replay of his life.
Richard Harper accepted offer to investigate the largest insurance fraud he had ever known. Corruption never entered his mind, nor did the idea of his wife Lydia getting seduced by Mark Flannary, CEO of Global Investments LTD.
I am looking for representation for a completed 85K word crime genre novel. This is my first go at searching for an agent and your agency was recommended as top 50 in the country for longevity and for getting results. Also, Mr. Fry, I noticed when visiting your web site, you have particular interest in crime genre.
Thank you in advance for your time reading my query and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Richard Harper accepted offer to investigate the largest insurance fraud he had ever known. Corruption never entered his mind, nor did the idea of his wife Lydia getting seduced by Mark Flannary, CEO of Global Investments LTD.
I am looking for representation for a completed 85K word crime genre novel. This is my first go at searching for an agent and your agency was recommended as top 50 in the country for longevity and for getting results. Also, Mr. Fry, I noticed when visiting your web site, you have particular interest in crime genre.
Thank you in advance for your time reading my query and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Robert Meacham
Query- Savage Grace
I'm late to the party. This is a wonderful idea. Here is my contribution:
Life is cruel. This is a lesson Evangeline Savage learns at a young age. When her mother is murdered and a mysterious visitor claims that Evangeline’s life is in jeopardy, she sets out to find the murderer before he finds her. Her journey takes her to the humid swamps of South Carolina’s low country where she learns of her mother’s involvement with a coven of elemental witches. A coven that reveals Evangeline’s legacy as a member of a family of powerful water witches.
Thrust into a world where magic is real and danger lurks at every turn, Evangeline must decide who to trust. With untapped power the likes of which the magical community has never seen, she becomes the target of a madman out to steal her power for his own. She must unite forces with the dynamic and seductive Justin Hammersley, a fellow water witch, if she is going to survive the coming battle. She trusts him with her life, but dare she trust him with her heart?
Savage Grace is a fast-paced 90,000 word paranormal romance set in South Carolina at the end of the 19th Century. With a strong female protagonist, an unforgettable romance and a vibrant historical setting, it will appeal to fans of such writers as Elizabeth Boyle and Karen Marie Moning. Savage Grace is the first in a four book series entitled The Savages.
Life is cruel. This is a lesson Evangeline Savage learns at a young age. When her mother is murdered and a mysterious visitor claims that Evangeline’s life is in jeopardy, she sets out to find the murderer before he finds her. Her journey takes her to the humid swamps of South Carolina’s low country where she learns of her mother’s involvement with a coven of elemental witches. A coven that reveals Evangeline’s legacy as a member of a family of powerful water witches.
Thrust into a world where magic is real and danger lurks at every turn, Evangeline must decide who to trust. With untapped power the likes of which the magical community has never seen, she becomes the target of a madman out to steal her power for his own. She must unite forces with the dynamic and seductive Justin Hammersley, a fellow water witch, if she is going to survive the coming battle. She trusts him with her life, but dare she trust him with her heart?
Savage Grace is a fast-paced 90,000 word paranormal romance set in South Carolina at the end of the 19th Century. With a strong female protagonist, an unforgettable romance and a vibrant historical setting, it will appeal to fans of such writers as Elizabeth Boyle and Karen Marie Moning. Savage Grace is the first in a four book series entitled The Savages.
Query: BEAUTY SECRETS
Note: I've left out the intro and personal touches (as in why I'm querying said agent).
Beauty Secret Representative Keira Diaz was out to sell lipstick, not solve a mystery. But when her client’s playboy husband, Roger Siebold, is reported missing and the Beaufort Police Department dismiss the case, Keira’s plans change. A desire to help propels Keira to lead an investigation. What she discovers is that more than one person is being deceived.
Finding Roger’s body only leads to more questions. Where was he the three days before he was murdered? Who had access to the ricin that poisoned him? And what does a kidnapped little girl have to do with it all?
Not even Keira is prepared for how deep the lies go and how many crimes are intertwined. This is one case where keeping secrets just might get her killed.
When you write genre fiction it’s important to bring something new to the table. Beauty Secrets accomplishes this by creating its own niche within the themed mystery novel market. The protagonist, Keira Diaz, is an independent beauty representative (think Avon or Mary Kay). Her profession gives her daily access to people’s homes, their private lives and the neighborhood gossip. Combine this with Keira’s natural curiosity and determination, and you end up with endless mystery-solving scenarios.
If interested, the full manuscript (62,000 words) is available upon request. For more information about myself or my writing, please visit my blog at http://www.stephdamore.blogspot.com/.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Beauty Secret Representative Keira Diaz was out to sell lipstick, not solve a mystery. But when her client’s playboy husband, Roger Siebold, is reported missing and the Beaufort Police Department dismiss the case, Keira’s plans change. A desire to help propels Keira to lead an investigation. What she discovers is that more than one person is being deceived.
Finding Roger’s body only leads to more questions. Where was he the three days before he was murdered? Who had access to the ricin that poisoned him? And what does a kidnapped little girl have to do with it all?
Not even Keira is prepared for how deep the lies go and how many crimes are intertwined. This is one case where keeping secrets just might get her killed.
When you write genre fiction it’s important to bring something new to the table. Beauty Secrets accomplishes this by creating its own niche within the themed mystery novel market. The protagonist, Keira Diaz, is an independent beauty representative (think Avon or Mary Kay). Her profession gives her daily access to people’s homes, their private lives and the neighborhood gossip. Combine this with Keira’s natural curiosity and determination, and you end up with endless mystery-solving scenarios.
If interested, the full manuscript (62,000 words) is available upon request. For more information about myself or my writing, please visit my blog at http://www.stephdamore.blogspot.com/.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
A Guest Post on Agent Nathan Bransford's Blog
To the one or two Slushpile readers who don't already read Nathan Bransford's blog:
This is the last day of Nathan's 2nd Guest Post Week, and yours truly will be the featured poster (child?). The post should go live at 8am Pacific time / 11am Eastern Time, barring accidents, and the topic is highly relevant to this site.
All of the posts this week have been very good, and I encourage you to go back and read them if you haven't already. For that matter, the blog itself is indispensable and should be part of your regular reading anyway, making this point moot. Please forgive me.
And while I'm here, thanks to all of you who post, comment, and lurk here at the Slushpile. I'm really glad this site works so well for so many!
Now it's 6:28am, and I need to get back to my manuscript...
- Rick
This is the last day of Nathan's 2nd Guest Post Week, and yours truly will be the featured poster (child?). The post should go live at 8am Pacific time / 11am Eastern Time, barring accidents, and the topic is highly relevant to this site.
All of the posts this week have been very good, and I encourage you to go back and read them if you haven't already. For that matter, the blog itself is indispensable and should be part of your regular reading anyway, making this point moot. Please forgive me.
And while I'm here, thanks to all of you who post, comment, and lurk here at the Slushpile. I'm really glad this site works so well for so many!
Now it's 6:28am, and I need to get back to my manuscript...
- Rick
Aug 6, 2009
QUERY - A SCORPION'S NATURE - Revision #1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
The other sunny idiots at YMCA Camp Powell could hold hands and Kum Ba Yah all they wanted. Thirteen year old Kyle Matusik would lash back against his evil Junior Counselor and a tyrant camper. Getting booted out was better than enduring their harassment or being pitied as the camp's misfit boy, tormented by his father's suspicious death.
A SCORPION'S NATURE unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director's mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word middle grade novel coalesced out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director.
The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent,
The other sunny idiots at YMCA Camp Powell could hold hands and Kum Ba Yah all they wanted. Thirteen year old Kyle Matusik would lash back against his evil Junior Counselor and a tyrant camper. Getting booted out was better than enduring their harassment or being pitied as the camp's misfit boy, tormented by his father's suspicious death.
A SCORPION'S NATURE unfolds in a rollicking summer camp with quirky songs and food so atrocious even the director's mutt refuses to eat the Cheesy Fish Tarts. My 55,000 word middle grade novel coalesced out of twenty years as a YMCA camper, counselor, and director.
The complete manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for considering my work.
Sincerely,
Query: The Jackpot (Thriller)
Great site here. Below is a version of my query that initially worked like gangbusters (6 requests out of 12 submissions). Then the bottom dropped out, and I received 30+ form rejections in a row. Would love to get a sense of whether this was a good query, or whether I just got lucky at the beginning.
Dear Agent:
I am seeking representation for The Jackpot, my 95,000-word dark comic thriller about Samantha Obeid, a Lebanese-American attorney facing a personal crisis, and her new client's gigantic winning lottery ticket, which threatens to destroy Samantha's life when her desperate boss decides to steal it.
After spending eight soul-reaving years "helping really big and rich companies get a little bigger and richer" (as she wistfully puts it), Samantha Obeid is crushed when her law firm passes her over for partner. So when the firm's janitor, Julius Mitchell, approaches her for advice about a winning lottery ticket worth nearly half a billion dollars, she sees an opportunity to salvage her career with a wealthy new client for the firm. She introduces Julius and his ticket to her boss, Hunter Pierce, hoping to revive her dreams of a financially secure future for herself and her struggling parents. But Pierce, a man riddled with more problems than he can count, devises his own plan for the ticket - to steal it.
Following a violent confrontation that leaves Julius dead, Samantha finds herself holding the ticket and risking her life to deliver it to Julius' only heir - his estranged son. But as a nothing-to-lose Hunter Pierce closes in on her, Samantha becomes increasingly drawn to the ticket and its promise of unimaginable wealth. The really bad news? Neither Hunter nor the temptation to keep the ticket for herself is Samantha's biggest problem: a homicidal mercenary with a unique take on Charles Darwin's theory of evolution has been hired to hunt down the ticket, and he will stop at nothing to find it.
I am an attorney living in XXX, and my writing credits include two short stories published in online magazines (names of stories and mags). I hope you will find that the novel’s darkly comic tone and Samantha's background provide interesting spins on popular lawyer-in-trouble thriller.
Thank you for considering my query, and I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
David
Dear Agent:
I am seeking representation for The Jackpot, my 95,000-word dark comic thriller about Samantha Obeid, a Lebanese-American attorney facing a personal crisis, and her new client's gigantic winning lottery ticket, which threatens to destroy Samantha's life when her desperate boss decides to steal it.
After spending eight soul-reaving years "helping really big and rich companies get a little bigger and richer" (as she wistfully puts it), Samantha Obeid is crushed when her law firm passes her over for partner. So when the firm's janitor, Julius Mitchell, approaches her for advice about a winning lottery ticket worth nearly half a billion dollars, she sees an opportunity to salvage her career with a wealthy new client for the firm. She introduces Julius and his ticket to her boss, Hunter Pierce, hoping to revive her dreams of a financially secure future for herself and her struggling parents. But Pierce, a man riddled with more problems than he can count, devises his own plan for the ticket - to steal it.
Following a violent confrontation that leaves Julius dead, Samantha finds herself holding the ticket and risking her life to deliver it to Julius' only heir - his estranged son. But as a nothing-to-lose Hunter Pierce closes in on her, Samantha becomes increasingly drawn to the ticket and its promise of unimaginable wealth. The really bad news? Neither Hunter nor the temptation to keep the ticket for herself is Samantha's biggest problem: a homicidal mercenary with a unique take on Charles Darwin's theory of evolution has been hired to hunt down the ticket, and he will stop at nothing to find it.
I am an attorney living in XXX, and my writing credits include two short stories published in online magazines (names of stories and mags). I hope you will find that the novel’s darkly comic tone and Samantha's background provide interesting spins on popular lawyer-in-trouble thriller.
Thank you for considering my query, and I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
David
Two Posts With No Comments
Hello all,
There are two posts that have not received any comments. I have a feeling they went up too close to other posts and got lost in the shuffle.
If you are looking for fresh meat (or tofu), then check out:
Query- Vampire Vacation (revised)
and/or
Synopsis- Vampire Vacation
There are two posts that have not received any comments. I have a feeling they went up too close to other posts and got lost in the shuffle.
If you are looking for fresh meat (or tofu), then check out:
Query- Vampire Vacation (revised)
and/or
Synopsis- Vampire Vacation
Query Ferris' Bluff revision#3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Agency
Agent
Street Address
New York, NY, 10010
Dear Ms. Agent,
FERRIS’ BLUFF, a 96K word thriller, is the story of a troubled man hiding from his past until a glimpse of the life he’s been forced to abandon, an easy camaraderie with unique new friends, and the promise of love he thought impossible help him realize he has finally found a home—one worth fighting for.
Ace Evans, an ex-SEAL/undercover operative, forced to live a solitary vagabond existence, risks a visit with an old friend. He soon discovers that the quaint, gossipy small town of Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas, has a very dark side. His friend is in a coma, a virtual prisoner, and Ace is quickly drawn into a series of confrontations with a number of ruthless local villains -- a conniving greedy lawyer, his even greedier wife, and a brutal town tough.
And if that ain’t thorny enough—Russian gangsters, vengeful enemies from his mysterious past are skulking around. The danger factor grows dramatically. So do the complications.
Ace knows he should hit the road, not only to protect his fragile alias but to hopefully assure the safety of his new friends; especially Annie Travers, a pretty widow as lonely and damaged as he is.
But the body count rises and the lawyer’s murderous schemes continue to threaten the people he’s become very fond of.
Resolved to make a life for himself in Ferris’ Bluff, Ace enlists the aid of his new friends to try and pull off a dangerous ruse, a bluff, duping both foes into a violent, deadly showdown.
FERRIS’ BLUFF is a sexy, smart, original thriller with a southern drawl and a slow-burn romance smoldering inside the action. Thanks for taking a look.
Sincerely,
Fred Limberg
Email
phone
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Agency
Agent
Street Address
New York, NY, 10010
Dear Ms. Agent,
FERRIS’ BLUFF, a 96K word thriller, is the story of a troubled man hiding from his past until a glimpse of the life he’s been forced to abandon, an easy camaraderie with unique new friends, and the promise of love he thought impossible help him realize he has finally found a home—one worth fighting for.
Ace Evans, an ex-SEAL/undercover operative, forced to live a solitary vagabond existence, risks a visit with an old friend. He soon discovers that the quaint, gossipy small town of Ferris’ Bluff, Arkansas, has a very dark side. His friend is in a coma, a virtual prisoner, and Ace is quickly drawn into a series of confrontations with a number of ruthless local villains -- a conniving greedy lawyer, his even greedier wife, and a brutal town tough.
And if that ain’t thorny enough—Russian gangsters, vengeful enemies from his mysterious past are skulking around. The danger factor grows dramatically. So do the complications.
Ace knows he should hit the road, not only to protect his fragile alias but to hopefully assure the safety of his new friends; especially Annie Travers, a pretty widow as lonely and damaged as he is.
But the body count rises and the lawyer’s murderous schemes continue to threaten the people he’s become very fond of.
Resolved to make a life for himself in Ferris’ Bluff, Ace enlists the aid of his new friends to try and pull off a dangerous ruse, a bluff, duping both foes into a violent, deadly showdown.
FERRIS’ BLUFF is a sexy, smart, original thriller with a southern drawl and a slow-burn romance smoldering inside the action. Thanks for taking a look.
Sincerely,
Fred Limberg
phone
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