Mar 17, 2009

Query- YA Urban Fantasy

17-year-old Drew Donovan has an absolutely perfect, not-at-all-dangerous plan for her last real summer vacation (library job, reality show marathons, rinse, repeat). Her plan does not include working at Wylde Lake summer camp (as Drew’s pretty sure the forest gives her hives), nor does it include getting caught in the boys’ bathroom on her very first day by the hot-camp-boy-perfection that is Liam Walsh. And in no way does her plan include being chased across camp by a giant black dog that can make people disappear.

But Wylde Lake doesn't only have monsters. When Drew finds a pixie in her cabin, mermaids at the lake, and fairies in the forest, she starts to think that all of the Faerie Tales her dad told her when she was little might just be true, and that Liam, who seems to know all about this Faerie world, may actually be one of them. When Drew and Liam realize that all of the monsters coming out of the forest are actually coming for her, Drew decides to follow the clues of an ancient Alfar prophecy to stop the darkness from taking over the Fae, and save Liam from the darkness within himself, even if, as the prophecy predicts, she’ll have to give her life for his.


Judy said...

This is information that was passed onto to me. I did the same exact thing.

In a query letter do not put what is not included, what doesn't happen, people who don't know things, etc.

I guess she did get a job at the camp, so maybe you can say-Instead her perfect plans were destroyed....

In the second paragraph, first sentence, you mention the camp doesn't only have monsters-what monsters? In the previous para the only thing mentioned was a strange, black dog and the hot camp boy.

I am not an expert, but the second para sounds more intriguing. I would re-edit that one and use it as an opening. I think you can scratch your first para.

The story line sounds interesting. Good luck!

I hope I offered something that might prove helpful.

Anonymous said...

Okay, the first paragraph is what sets your book apart from everyone else's and where I can hear your "voice" and the teen character.

The second fizzles into every other fairy story that's out there, and seems to cram too much into that one paragragh (the ending sentence sounds rushed)

What makes her journey or awakening different from any other book in this genre?

It's in your book, but you've got to get more specific regarding her quest. Really liked the opening though.

lucy in the sky said...

I agree with leaving out all the things that her plan doesn't include. I really liked the opening sentence.

I'm a little confused why Drew needs the prophecy to save Liam when she's the one the monsters are after. Info about the prophecy and how Drew learns about it might be a good way to show why your story is unique.

Disgruntled Bear said...

I liked the way that your voice comes through, and your book sounds very interesting! What is your title? How long is it? Is it complete?

HWPetty said...

Thank you all so much for your comments! I keep getting the same mixed review of it. ha! Half the people like the first paragraph for voice and think the second one is too rushed. The other half think the first paragraph is useless and like the intrigue of the second paragraph.

But I am still working on it. And I'll take all of your comments to heart as I work.

Oh, and the stuff that "wasn't part of her plan" is what happened... so it's not stuff that doesn't happen. It's kind of a play on that.

And to answer your questions:

The book is called Camp Wylde and it's about 100,000 words.

I've got a three book story arch, but this one stands alone, so I'm not shopping it as a series until I get an agent and we talk about it.