Dear Agent,
When her betrothed decides she has lived past the point of usefulness, Lydia escapes assassination only to find herself in the distant kingdom of war-torn Mudamora and her life in no less danger. The gods meddle in the affairs of this land and bless her with the ability to heal. The blessing is more of a curse; the power reveals itself when she restores Lord Rhys Calorian from a mortal injury, only for her to discover she must now bear the excruciating pain herself. Worse yet, it is a power condemning her to serve in the mad King's failing army should she ever be found out.
Resourcefulness and quick thinking saved her life before and these attributes serve her well as she blends into the underbelly of the city using the anonymity of a common serving wench. Only Rhys knows her secret and he uses it to coerce her into joining the ranks of the Princess's female guards, of which he is the reluctant captain. Over the clash of practice swords, they discover a passion greater than either of them expected, but it is a love continually tested by his quest for redemption of past transgressions and by her risk of discovery.
The trouble with secrets is not in the having, but in the keeping and when the Princess she is sworn to protect finds hers out, Lydia takes on the role of master dissembler to protect a prince from his own madness and to avoid a war of ascendancy that would leave Mudamora ripe for its enemy's picking. Only her act comes at the cost of Rhys' affection and to win it back she risks not only the family she swore to protect, but also sentencing herself to captivity and him to the
headman's block.
TRAITOR'S PLIGHT is a 107,000 word fantasy with a strong romantic element, and is the first volume in a trilogy. I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript at your request.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
1 comment:
Ooh - I hope this gets published, as I want to read it.
Good immediate introduction, although you might be more specific about why Lydia has outlived her usefulness and what exactly she escaped, just to provide a more vivid picture.
I'm a little unclear: does Lydia take on just the pain from Rhys' injury, or some form of injury herself? How long does this last? You also might remove for her in the phrase only for her to discover she must now bear . . .
I would make The trouble with secrets is not in the having, but in the keeping into its own sentence, starting the next sentence with When and replacing hers with her (as in "found her out"). I'd also like a little clarification on what it means for Lydia to take on the role of master dissembler. I'd maybe start the next sentence with This comes at the cost, and you'll need a comma after Rhys' affection.
At the very end, you might remove I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript at your request in favor of the more general, "I look forward to hearing from you," as some agents would rather have a partial than the full manuscript.
The only recurring thing I'd mention is that you use "and" a lot. It's a bit repetitive, and you also sometimes omit a necessary comma before the "and," as in Resourcefulness and quick thinking saved her life before and these attributes serve her well.
This is way fewer crits than I usually have - good query, and the story sounds great!
Post a Comment