Mar 6, 2011

QUERY- REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE- 2nd REVISION

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

(author's note- I could not make it work on this posting- the word "really" is meant to be in italics here)

Security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck rammed into his car. He had no idea how dangerous its cargo was- or who was behind it.

But when the men in the truck brutally attack him, Ryan retaliates with the help of beautiful attorney Jessica Webb. Turns out she's the smart one. The one who figures out that it's not just the Chechens they have to worry about, but the really bad men who paid them to ferry their illicit shipment from half a world away.

Jessica is drawn closer to Ryan, and they uncover a trail that leads from Seattle to Moscow. They quickly realize it wasn't just a random accident, but part of sinister scheme set in motion by the fall of the Soviet Union, decades ago.

And unless they find a way to stop the one man who started it all, they'll both be dead by first light. Ashes, actually.

REVERSAL OF PROVIDENCE is an 84,000-WORD thriller, first in a series. Readers of authors like Vince Flynn, Frederick Forsyth, and Daniel Silva might enjoy this book.

I have a BA in English from the University of Iowa. Like my protagonist Ryan Anderson, I am a 'security expert'. I own a business specializing in products for video surveillance.

Thank you for reviewing this query.

1 comment:

Anonymous Author said...

Okay, the character no longer comes across as unlikeable. But you've still got problems.

Security expert Ryan Anderson thought it was just his bad luck when a careless truck rammed into his car. Trucks can't be careless. He had no idea how dangerous its cargo was- or who was behind it. Behind the truck, or behind the cargo? This is confusing.

But when the men in the truck brutally attack him, I'm sure this makes sense in the context of the novel, but in the context of the query it does not. If I had a Big Secret Terrorist cargo and I rear-ended somebody, I might apologize profusely and offer him a few hundred bucks. But attack him? Unless I can make him, his vehicle, and any witnesses vanish utterly, it seems like a bad idea. Ryan retaliates with the help of beautiful attorney Jessica Webb. Does it matter that she's beautiful? And why don't they just call the cops?

I could go on, but... you're still not telling us what's in the shipment, or what the Chechens are trying to do. Specifically.

And I don't get the random accident... why would rear-ending a guy be part of a sinister scheme? You should tell us.