Nov 15, 2012


Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read a previous revision.

To most, the monsters that lived under the bed or in the closet were just a part of their imagination, but for fourteen year old Amelia, the monsters were very real. Night after night they would terrorize her from within the shadows of her closet, calling her Amélie and telling her that their King wished to see her. They would tell her, gently and calmly, that she was the daughter of a hero, and that it was time for her to return to her people. Each time, though, she would turn them away and plead with them to leave her alone. Not that it mattered. She knew they would be back and that her time to follow them peacefully would soon come to an end.

It isn’t until her cousin Lily comes to stay that the monsters finally attack, returning in the middle of the night and taking Lily from her room and bringing her back to their world. Forced to face her fears, Amelia must enter the monsters’ world to rescue her cousin, discovering a tangled past that connects her to the world beyond her closet and the one they call Amélie.

AMELIA’S MONSTERS is a 79,000 world young adult fantasy.

***Note: I have posted this query on this site a long time ago; you can probably still find the original one still hidden within the depths of this website. I have started submitting and have received a good amount of rejections and figure it's because of the above query. I will thank all of you now for your time and feedback as I won't be able to respond to your comments and your own queries for I will be away on vacation for a few days. So once again: thank you!


Rick Daley said...

A couple things jumped out at me on this query.

First, most queries are written in present tense. Using past tense makes the query stand out, but not in they way you want.

Second, this seems more like middle-grade than YA. Kids will read about a protagonist a couple years older than they are; rarely will they read down. A 14-year-old protagonist is more likely to appeal to ages 10-14 than 16+.

The first paragraph is all exposition, the second paragraph tells about the conflict in your story. Focus more on the conflict, and allow that description to expose your world.

crystal parney said...

I agree with Rick. I feel like the story is too young to be YA. Most young adults are not afraid of monsters in the closet, so I'd change your genre. And you should write in present tense. Other than that I feel like your story sounds very intriguing. It reminds me a little of the movie Labyrinth. It's one of my favorites and makes me want to know what your story is about.