Since there's a slowdown in queries, and since I have a book out, I think it's time for a Slushpile contest. And since I'm the moderator and have unrestricted access to posts, no one can stop me.
[Insert evil laugh here]
Contest rules: Answer the question below in a short story (750-1,000 words). You must use the characters / actions / narrative to show me the answer…going right out and telling me the answer is cheating! Submit your entries as comments to this post or email me at rjdaley 101071 (at) gmail (dot) com. You have until 8am EST on Monday, July 18 to enter.
Question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
Suggestions: Food allergy; his father choked on pepperoni and died; Jimmy was dropped on his head by delivery guy when he was a baby, etc. Get creative, and show me the answer!
Prize: I will send a signed copy of my book, THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS to my two favorite entries. Winners will be announced on Thursday, July 21 whenever I get around to it. Prizes will be awarded shortly thereafter.
Jul 14, 2011
Jul 13, 2011
Book Release Announcement!
ANCIENT BOOK DISCOVERED UNDER ARCTIC ICE
COLUMBUS, OH (July 2011)- A team of climatologists reported a startling discovery: an ancient book of unknown origin embedded deep in an Arctic ice core. The team immediately set out to excavate the rest of the book—the drill had only punched through its center—and spent days piecing it together before cracking the cover. The text is in English, Spanish, and Japanese, and tells an incredible story you have to read to believe…
Such is the premise of The Man in the Cinder Clouds, a debut novel by Rick Daley. This brilliant re-telling of the origins of Santa Claus brings the nostalgia and wonder of the old clay-mation Christmas specials to life. “Rather than try to trace Santa’s history through the years, I focused instead on his first Christmas, and the challenges he faced that year,” Daley explained. “I wanted it to feel real.”
And feel real it does. This story-within-a-story (within a story) reveals the origins of all of the most famous aspects of the Santa Claus legend: from his red suit and white hair to Christmas trees, stockings, and lumps of coal (and everything in between). The story also answers the age old question: How does Santa fit all those presents in his sack?
“The little details are a big part of the book’s appeal. They are not gratuitous; they all make sense in the context of the story and the characters. Sure his suit is red because that’s his favorite color, but why is it his favorite color? It’s no spoiler to say he meets Mrs. Claus and falls in love, but how does their relationship grow? That’s what was important to me in writing this tale,” Daley said. “And while the main character is Kris Kringle—known as ‘the man in the cinder clouds’ after an accident involving a chimney—the layers of the story above and below Kris’ tale are fascinating…from the people who found the book in the ice, struggling to decide if they should keep it and get rich or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner, to the two orphans Kris befriends after their greedy uncle robs them of their inheritance.”
If you've ever believed in Santa Claus, this is the book for you. And there’s no need to wait until Christmas, you can open this one early: The Man in the Cinder Clouds is available in print through CreateSpace, and will be available at Amazon.com and other online retailers in the coming weeks. A Kindle version is scheduled for release in early August. For more information, visit www.cinderclouds.com.
Publication Date: July 12, 2011
IBSN-13: 978-1461091684
Jun 27, 2011
Query- Sex, Drugs and the SATs: Getting out of High School and Getting in to College
Ginger Cobb and Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow
[Street Address]
[City, ST Zip Code]
March 10, 2011
[Recipient Name]
[Title]
[Company Name]
[Street Address]
[City, ST ZIP Code]
Dear
If the baby books had told us that one day we would have to talk to our teenager about sex, drugs, and the SATs, we would have used birth control! Teenagers today text instead of talk, twitter instead of chatter and blog instead of blab. So how do we communicate with them about two key life journeys: getting out of high school and getting into college?
Sex, Drugs and the SATs: Getting out of High School and Getting in to College is not only based on research, but also, real-life experience. The advice here is culled from a combined thirty-five years of practical hands-on experience with teenagers and parents. We have worked day to day with teenagers and know they come with problems in all shapes and sizes; there is no one -size -fits -all solution when it comes to raising teenagers. From putting a party-gone-bad plan into place to crafting a clever college essay, this book will give parents savvy solutions to surviving the teenage years.
Ginger Walsh Cobb holds a B.A. in English from Denison University and an M.A. in Private School Leadership from Columbia University. Currently, Ginger is finishing her 18th year at St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Potomac, Maryland. As Dean of Students, she educates students and their families about the following: drug and alcohol use, stress, harassment, abuse, internet safety, relationships and depression.
Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow holds a B.A. from Duke University and a M.Ed. from Emory University. Previously, Kathleen served as Director of College Counseling at St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Potomac, MD. Currently, she is the Chair of the English Department at Stone Ridge School of the Sacred Heart in Bethesda, MD. She also runs The College Coaches, a counseling service which guides families through the college process. Kathleen has counseled students from prestigious college preparatory schools all over the Washington, D.C. area.
We have enclosed a Table of Contents and a few chapters. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Ginger Cobb and Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow
[Contact Information]
[Street Address]
[City, ST Zip Code]
March 10, 2011
[Recipient Name]
[Title]
[Company Name]
[Street Address]
[City, ST ZIP Code]
Dear
If the baby books had told us that one day we would have to talk to our teenager about sex, drugs, and the SATs, we would have used birth control! Teenagers today text instead of talk, twitter instead of chatter and blog instead of blab. So how do we communicate with them about two key life journeys: getting out of high school and getting into college?
Sex, Drugs and the SATs: Getting out of High School and Getting in to College is not only based on research, but also, real-life experience. The advice here is culled from a combined thirty-five years of practical hands-on experience with teenagers and parents. We have worked day to day with teenagers and know they come with problems in all shapes and sizes; there is no one -size -fits -all solution when it comes to raising teenagers. From putting a party-gone-bad plan into place to crafting a clever college essay, this book will give parents savvy solutions to surviving the teenage years.
Ginger Walsh Cobb holds a B.A. in English from Denison University and an M.A. in Private School Leadership from Columbia University. Currently, Ginger is finishing her 18th year at St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Potomac, Maryland. As Dean of Students, she educates students and their families about the following: drug and alcohol use, stress, harassment, abuse, internet safety, relationships and depression.
Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow holds a B.A. from Duke University and a M.Ed. from Emory University. Previously, Kathleen served as Director of College Counseling at St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Potomac, MD. Currently, she is the Chair of the English Department at Stone Ridge School of the Sacred Heart in Bethesda, MD. She also runs The College Coaches, a counseling service which guides families through the college process. Kathleen has counseled students from prestigious college preparatory schools all over the Washington, D.C. area.
We have enclosed a Table of Contents and a few chapters. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Ginger Cobb and Kathleen Glynn-Sparrow
[Contact Information]
Jun 25, 2011
Query-GRIMACE
Dear Agent,
To escape the blame surrounding the death of her high school love, seventeen-year-old Jillian takes the ultimate bribe from her manipulative mother: Come to Scotland, survive senior year alone, and ‘heal’.
But Jillian doesn’t go to Scotland alone. With her she takes a mysterious voice that spews cryptic nonsense. Even with The Voice Jillian feels more alone than ever. Her solitude ends only when a different voice coaxes her into drinking an elixir labeled ‘drync’ the old English word for drink and sends her to a world that could have been drawn with side-walk chalk.
It is there she meets Grimace: a gargoyle she pulls straight from his own purgatory and back into her own world. At last Jillian believes she has a friend she can relate to but Grimace has unfinished business on earth and to keep Jillian safe he must first put her life in great danger.
GRIMACE is a paranormal YA complete at xx,xxx words.
Thanks in advanced guys and thank you so much Rick!!
To escape the blame surrounding the death of her high school love, seventeen-year-old Jillian takes the ultimate bribe from her manipulative mother: Come to Scotland, survive senior year alone, and ‘heal’.
But Jillian doesn’t go to Scotland alone. With her she takes a mysterious voice that spews cryptic nonsense. Even with The Voice Jillian feels more alone than ever. Her solitude ends only when a different voice coaxes her into drinking an elixir labeled ‘drync’ the old English word for drink and sends her to a world that could have been drawn with side-walk chalk.
It is there she meets Grimace: a gargoyle she pulls straight from his own purgatory and back into her own world. At last Jillian believes she has a friend she can relate to but Grimace has unfinished business on earth and to keep Jillian safe he must first put her life in great danger.
GRIMACE is a paranormal YA complete at xx,xxx words.
Thanks in advanced guys and thank you so much Rick!!
Jun 20, 2011
Query- By the Sword - YA Christian Fantasy (Third Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
**I truly appreciate all your feedback here. :)
Dear Agent,
Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.
Talya`s plan to march into battle is interrupted when a visiting prophet tells her that God has called her on a peaceful mission to Hunter Forest. In the forest, Talya runs into Jalarn. After a gruelling fight, Talya`s skills prevail, but as she removes his battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision convince her to spare his life. She flees – right into the hands of Jalarn`s men.
When Talya awakens in a prison, Jalarn orders her to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. When Jalarn begins to show curiosity in Talya`s God, he is no longer a heartless monster in her eyes. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.
By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
**I truly appreciate all your feedback here. :)
Dear Agent,
Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.
Talya`s plan to march into battle is interrupted when a visiting prophet tells her that God has called her on a peaceful mission to Hunter Forest. In the forest, Talya runs into Jalarn. After a gruelling fight, Talya`s skills prevail, but as she removes his battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision convince her to spare his life. She flees – right into the hands of Jalarn`s men.
When Talya awakens in a prison, Jalarn orders her to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. When Jalarn begins to show curiosity in Talya`s God, he is no longer a heartless monster in her eyes. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.
By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 16, 2011
Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) - Second Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help her country bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.
Gut wrenching, lifelike nightmares of a young boy interrupt Talya`s focus. It doesn`t help when a visiting prophet reminds her of her blood lust problem and tells her that God has called her on a dangerous mission to Hunter Forest days before the battle. Talya agrees to go when she finds out that Jalarn will be there. They run into one another and, after a gruelling sword fight, Talya wins. But her plan to slit his throat does not go as planned when she removes his battle mask and recognizes him to be the same boy as the one in her haunting visions. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch up to her.
When Talya awakens in a prison, she is confronted by Jalarn to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.
By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Agent,
Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help her country bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.
Gut wrenching, lifelike nightmares of a young boy interrupt Talya`s focus. It doesn`t help when a visiting prophet reminds her of her blood lust problem and tells her that God has called her on a dangerous mission to Hunter Forest days before the battle. Talya agrees to go when she finds out that Jalarn will be there. They run into one another and, after a gruelling sword fight, Talya wins. But her plan to slit his throat does not go as planned when she removes his battle mask and recognizes him to be the same boy as the one in her haunting visions. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch up to her.
When Talya awakens in a prison, she is confronted by Jalarn to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.
By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 13, 2011
Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) First Revision
Dear Agent,
Eighteen year old Talya is a knight who lives to kill soldiers of the Malinorian Empire. She especially hates their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.
A prophet`s word sends Talya to Hunter Forest, where she meets Jalarn. They fight and she wins. When Talya removes Jalarn`s battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision tug at her conscience. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch her.
When Talya awakens in a Malinorian prison, she is faced with the decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. Things become more complicated as Talya and Jalarn begin to develop feelings for one another.
By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 66,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Eighteen year old Talya is a knight who lives to kill soldiers of the Malinorian Empire. She especially hates their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.
A prophet`s word sends Talya to Hunter Forest, where she meets Jalarn. They fight and she wins. When Talya removes Jalarn`s battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision tug at her conscience. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch her.
When Talya awakens in a Malinorian prison, she is faced with the decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. Things become more complicated as Talya and Jalarn begin to develop feelings for one another.
By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 66,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 11, 2011
Query- ***- 1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am writing to you because you represented Blah Blah by What’shis Name and I think my novel may interest you.
Machiko Yamamoto does not understand why she pulls out her hair, picks at her skin, or triple checks the locks to the small house behind the school where she works. She does not understand why, born brilliant and beloved into kindness and privilege, she spends her days alone, reading grammar books and watching travel documentaries. When a quiet foreigner moves into the abandoned thatched roof house next to her uncle’s ryokan, she decides it's time to venture forth from her loneliness.
Krista Black does not mind the weekly visits from the local English teacher. The scarred woman seems harmless, but she always wants to talk about travel and language and why Krista has come to the small, Japanese village. Krista avoids her questions; she knows the world and what it does to fragile people. Machiko may want to know Krista, but she must never learn her secrets.
Set in Kyoto, New England, Africa and Kathmandu, *** is a 96,000-word work of literary fiction, interwoven between two protagonists, across two cultures. Like THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, or a Diane Arbus photograph, it peers beneath the comfort of expected storytelling to investigate the nature of suffering, religion, sex and, ultimately, kindness.
This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Me
(I’m sorry- the working title has to remain anonymous. I haven’t come up with a good one yet, and it’s just too mortifying to publicise my shitty attempts.)
Thanks so much for this opportunity Rick!
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am writing to you because you represented Blah Blah by What’shis Name and I think my novel may interest you.
Machiko Yamamoto does not understand why she pulls out her hair, picks at her skin, or triple checks the locks to the small house behind the school where she works. She does not understand why, born brilliant and beloved into kindness and privilege, she spends her days alone, reading grammar books and watching travel documentaries. When a quiet foreigner moves into the abandoned thatched roof house next to her uncle’s ryokan, she decides it's time to venture forth from her loneliness.
Krista Black does not mind the weekly visits from the local English teacher. The scarred woman seems harmless, but she always wants to talk about travel and language and why Krista has come to the small, Japanese village. Krista avoids her questions; she knows the world and what it does to fragile people. Machiko may want to know Krista, but she must never learn her secrets.
Set in Kyoto, New England, Africa and Kathmandu, *** is a 96,000-word work of literary fiction, interwoven between two protagonists, across two cultures. Like THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, or a Diane Arbus photograph, it peers beneath the comfort of expected storytelling to investigate the nature of suffering, religion, sex and, ultimately, kindness.
This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Me
(I’m sorry- the working title has to remain anonymous. I haven’t come up with a good one yet, and it’s just too mortifying to publicise my shitty attempts.)
Thanks so much for this opportunity Rick!
Jun 7, 2011
Query- ***
Dear Ms. Dream Agent,
I am writing to you because you represented BLAH BLAH by WHATSHIS NAME and I feel my novel has a similar spirit.
Split into two interwoven parts, *** is a 96,000-word work of literary fiction. Like THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, or a Diane Arbus photograph, it peers beneath the comfort of expected storytelling into the recesses of the human experience.
Set in Kyoto, New England, Africa and Kathmandu, *** connects the mental illness of a Japanese English teacher with the wandering spirit of a jaded American. Incorporating Trichotillomania, 9-11, religious yearning and sexual consolation, the relationship between Machiko Yamamoto and Krista Black develops over a two year period, as Machiko’s health fails, and Krista’s brutal past unfolds. Their desire and their love, their rage and their hope, create a story of humanity, told by two women, across two cultures.
I am a graduate of FancyPants University, and have spent two years in a Japanese village similar to the setting of ***. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Aspiring Writer
I am writing to you because you represented BLAH BLAH by WHATSHIS NAME and I feel my novel has a similar spirit.
Split into two interwoven parts, *** is a 96,000-word work of literary fiction. Like THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS, or a Diane Arbus photograph, it peers beneath the comfort of expected storytelling into the recesses of the human experience.
Set in Kyoto, New England, Africa and Kathmandu, *** connects the mental illness of a Japanese English teacher with the wandering spirit of a jaded American. Incorporating Trichotillomania, 9-11, religious yearning and sexual consolation, the relationship between Machiko Yamamoto and Krista Black develops over a two year period, as Machiko’s health fails, and Krista’s brutal past unfolds. Their desire and their love, their rage and their hope, create a story of humanity, told by two women, across two cultures.
I am a graduate of FancyPants University, and have spent two years in a Japanese village similar to the setting of ***. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Aspiring Writer
Query- By the Sword
Dear Agent,
Kill. That is what warriors are supposed to do. They are not supposed to dream visions or fall for their worst enemy.
Twenty-two year old Talya is a knight who lives and breathes to fight. The need to avenge her mother`s death fuels her as Sanctus, her country, prepares for war against the expanding Malinorian Empire. She hates the Malinorians, especially their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered her king, he`s almost killed Talya twice.
With the upcoming battle on her mind, Talya is shocked when a prophet from the woods tells her that God has called her to go on a mission to Hunter Forest. When the messenger of God confirms the graphic nightmares that Talya has been having, she agrees to go.
It is in Hunter Forest that Talya finds Jalarn. Her plan to slay him doesn`t exactly go as planned. When she awakens within a Malinorian prison, she needs to make a decision to follow Jalarn`s religion in order to live, or stay true to her faith and die.
By the Sword is a fantasy novel that is 81,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kill. That is what warriors are supposed to do. They are not supposed to dream visions or fall for their worst enemy.
Twenty-two year old Talya is a knight who lives and breathes to fight. The need to avenge her mother`s death fuels her as Sanctus, her country, prepares for war against the expanding Malinorian Empire. She hates the Malinorians, especially their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered her king, he`s almost killed Talya twice.
With the upcoming battle on her mind, Talya is shocked when a prophet from the woods tells her that God has called her to go on a mission to Hunter Forest. When the messenger of God confirms the graphic nightmares that Talya has been having, she agrees to go.
It is in Hunter Forest that Talya finds Jalarn. Her plan to slay him doesn`t exactly go as planned. When she awakens within a Malinorian prison, she needs to make a decision to follow Jalarn`s religion in order to live, or stay true to her faith and die.
By the Sword is a fantasy novel that is 81,000 words in length.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 3, 2011
The Best Writing Advice...
The submissions queue has been light lately, and I'm about to embark on a week of international travel, so here's a discussion thread for you all to ponder in the event we have a query drought.
What's the best writing advice you have ever received?
Please post it here in the comments. It can be related to any aspect of writing, publishing, how to live with being a writer and stay sane, how to live with a writer and stay sane (for our friends and family), etc.
For me, it came in the form of query feedback: try to sum up your novel in one sentence. I've found this to be incredibly helpful for queries and for my manuscripts as a whole. Being able to identify the heart of a story is critical, and sometimes it's a moving target as I write, re-write, and revise.
How about you? What's the best writing advice you've received?
What's the best writing advice you have ever received?
Please post it here in the comments. It can be related to any aspect of writing, publishing, how to live with being a writer and stay sane, how to live with a writer and stay sane (for our friends and family), etc.
For me, it came in the form of query feedback: try to sum up your novel in one sentence. I've found this to be incredibly helpful for queries and for my manuscripts as a whole. Being able to identify the heart of a story is critical, and sometimes it's a moving target as I write, re-write, and revise.
How about you? What's the best writing advice you've received?
May 28, 2011
Query People of Fae
Dear Future Agent,
Accidentally being left behind on a biology class field trip in the woods, seventeen year old Lyssa Cleverthorn is almost abducted by a lizard like creature and a woman that looked like she walked off a fashion show runway, this could have been the result of hitting her head too hard, a figment of her imagination or a link to her puzzled past. Always feeling out of step with others her age, Lyssa never thought her social abnormalities were spell induced. Even when tall, dark, emerald green eyed Toby abandons his hot girlfriend, leaves her to think she is the center of some elaborate joke. It isn't until Lyssa receives an unexpected message from Zoey her dad's ex-girlfriend who suddenly left, wants something from Lyssa. Unknowingly, Lyssa is used by Zoey as a vessel for hiding a legendary magic called Everspell that has grown tendrils into her and removing it would mean death. Not only having Toby interested in her, she has also gained the interest of the power hungry, mafia like Muse brothers that are part of a hidden world called Fae. Lyssa is a wild card, and before Zoey can reach her, the cat and mouse game has begun. Within twenty four hours Lyssa is thrown into the Fae world after her father disappears and attacked herself by one of the Muse's henchmen. Everything unravels and secrets are revealed from long time family friends about Lyssa's connection with the Fae world now on the brink of destruction or revolution. Even Toby's infatuation was only a spell to trick him to protect her, now has secrets of his own that leaves Lyssa doubting her feelings. With the power to change what is wrong, Lyssa must decide in sacrificing herself to a world she never knew existed or let it die. The Everspell now tangled with her should have killed her that is until she discovered who she really is.
People of Fae(104,000 words) is an urban fantasy sparking interest of teenage girls and possibly cross marketing into older YA categories. I truly enjoy YA and hope you will consider my project and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
MM Winke
Accidentally being left behind on a biology class field trip in the woods, seventeen year old Lyssa Cleverthorn is almost abducted by a lizard like creature and a woman that looked like she walked off a fashion show runway, this could have been the result of hitting her head too hard, a figment of her imagination or a link to her puzzled past. Always feeling out of step with others her age, Lyssa never thought her social abnormalities were spell induced. Even when tall, dark, emerald green eyed Toby abandons his hot girlfriend, leaves her to think she is the center of some elaborate joke. It isn't until Lyssa receives an unexpected message from Zoey her dad's ex-girlfriend who suddenly left, wants something from Lyssa. Unknowingly, Lyssa is used by Zoey as a vessel for hiding a legendary magic called Everspell that has grown tendrils into her and removing it would mean death. Not only having Toby interested in her, she has also gained the interest of the power hungry, mafia like Muse brothers that are part of a hidden world called Fae. Lyssa is a wild card, and before Zoey can reach her, the cat and mouse game has begun. Within twenty four hours Lyssa is thrown into the Fae world after her father disappears and attacked herself by one of the Muse's henchmen. Everything unravels and secrets are revealed from long time family friends about Lyssa's connection with the Fae world now on the brink of destruction or revolution. Even Toby's infatuation was only a spell to trick him to protect her, now has secrets of his own that leaves Lyssa doubting her feelings. With the power to change what is wrong, Lyssa must decide in sacrificing herself to a world she never knew existed or let it die. The Everspell now tangled with her should have killed her that is until she discovered who she really is.
People of Fae(104,000 words) is an urban fantasy sparking interest of teenage girls and possibly cross marketing into older YA categories. I truly enjoy YA and hope you will consider my project and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
MM Winke
May 19, 2011
QUERY: STEALING A DREAM (3rd attempt)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear agent,
Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.
Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear agent,
Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.
Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)
May 14, 2011
QUERY- STEALING A DREAM (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Ms. agent,
When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.
Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.
When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.
Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.
Dear Ms. agent,
When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.
Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.
When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.
Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.
May 11, 2011
QUERY: LIQUID SMOKE
Dear Fantastic Agent,
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna Reece is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny Reece teams up with his long-standing enemy, agent Rick Delaruse, to uncover the truth behind the government program his daughter participated in as a child. When the inner workings of Liquid Smoke are finally revealed, Danny has a decision to make: let his daughter die by the hands of a stranger...or kill her himself.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. Thank you for your consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
When the eight-year-old daughter of Danny Reece was forcibly taken by agent Rick Delaruse, Danny had no choice but to submit to the government and pray for the collapse of the secret program she was enlisted in.
Thirteen years later, Jenna Reece is living the happy life of a college student and has no recollection of the six month long government program. When she is attacked on campus, agent Delaruse pays a visit to Danny with alarming news. The twelve children who were enrolled in the program thirteen years earlier are turning up dead in the order they were inducted.
With his grown daughter next in line on the short list of a serial killer, Danny Reece teams up with his long-standing enemy, agent Rick Delaruse, to uncover the truth behind the government program his daughter participated in as a child. When the inner workings of Liquid Smoke are finally revealed, Danny has a decision to make: let his daughter die by the hands of a stranger...or kill her himself.
Liquid Smoke is a 70,000-word psychological thriller. Thank you for your consideration.
Cordially,
My name here
QUERY: STEALING A DREAM
Dear agent,
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.
The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.
But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.
Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.
With Faziel, nothing is simple.
Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.
The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.
But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.
Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.
With Faziel, nothing is simple.
Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Apr 27, 2011
Query- Absorption
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.
Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
After completing my manuscript, polishing it, workshopping it, and polishing my query, I’ve queried several agents. Nobody even requested a partial, so I’d like to try again. I tried to include my revised opening but blogger said it was too long.
Dear Editor:
Brett Johnson healed a child mutilated by the hive mind Alexander, and held her as she cried. Then he joined a task force targeting the oldest hive mind, creator of all the others.
They cannot prove direct responsibility, and a bloody war will split the Federalist Worlds. The expedition must do everything possible to convince the hosts to surrender the technology on which the hive mind is based.
During negotiations, Brett meets a beautiful woman named Ariel Lilac who believes he would not fear the hive mind if he understood it. He disagrees, but desires her greatly. Brett doesn’t discuss his feelings since they may soon be on opposite sides of a war, but cannot resist spending time with her learning about the hive mind Oceania, named after the world on which it resides. He sees her on the verge of joining the hive mind herself. Resolved to distract her however he can, he seduces her.
Diplomacy is not working, but they find joy together in the face of impending calamity. Ariel shows Brett how the brain computer interface that powers the hive mind can also be used for other things, such as simulating body exchanges while making love.
Brett falls more deeply for Ariel, and comes to suspect his people have really misunderstood this technology. Yet he also fears passion has prejudiced him, and he may postpone action against a danger to humanity until too late.
Absorption is an eighty thousand word science fiction manuscript.
Apr 26, 2011
Query: THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.
Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.
His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.
Click here to read the first revision.
The temperature is the only cool thing about Jason’s trip to the North Pole with his father, but things heat up when they discover a book buried deep in the ice. This is no ordinary book, mind you. For starters, it was written by an Elf. And if that’s not enough, the book proves the existence of Kris Kringle – you know, Santa Claus.
Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is rescued by Elfs and grows up among them…but he doesn’t really fit in. Kris embarks on a quest to find his true family among the humans by delivering presents on Christmas day. There’s a catch, though: the High Council of Elfs is convinced humans are wicked at heart, and Kris can’t return to his Elfin home unless he can prove otherwise.
His journey takes him all the way to the legendary Great Northern Glen, and from there to the town of Oldenton, where he finds two orphans who are about to lose everything they have to a greedy uncle. With only days before Christmas, Kris must try to help the kids, deliver his presents, find his family, and prove that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS is a 35,000-word novella written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack. It also has a streak of action and adventure…think "Santa Begins." It should appeal to the reluctant boy reader.
Query: Abbey (1st revision) --note new title
Click here to read the original query.
On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.
By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.
The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.
The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.
The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.
Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.
Thank you for your time,
Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey
On the first day of camp, Abbey realizes a horrible mistake has been made—she’s stranded at the wrong camp.
By the second day of camp, Abbey is faced with the consequence of being a lifetime “spook magnet.” The River Falls camp—which has its own spooky history—turns Abbey’s spook-ometer up to 11.
The third day of camp begins with cold spots and moving furniture, quickly escalating to a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, a ghostly stalker and mysterious symbols carved into the wall.
The first week of camp ends with Abbey trying to figure out the meaning behind the symbols—as they intrude into her life with more and more urgency. Abbey’s ghostly experiences were a curse growing up, costing her dearly and leaving her scarred and friendless at 14 years.
The final week of camp features a scavenger hunt which turns deadly as lightning strikes—leaving Abbey trapped with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and her drama queen roommate. Abbey is forced to use her curse to save their lives as she reaches into another world for help. The trouble is, this help threatens to consume her, which could cost Abbey her new friends—as well as her very humanity.
Spooky Girl is a 56,000 word young adult novel with a paranormal theme.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade.
Thank you for your time,
Allan Evans
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
[PHONE NUMBER REDACTED] | allan@docevans.com | www.evanswriter.com/Abbey
Apr 24, 2011
Query:Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen
Abbey: The Startling Spooky, Truly Epic, Paranormal Tale of a Haunted Teen is a 56,000 word young adult novel. Written with equal amounts of suspense and humor, the book tells the story of an unusual 15-year old. Strange things have always happened around Abbey—on her first birthday Abbey’s recently deceased grandmother is photographed looming over her in the background—but strand her at a haunted summer camp having to battle both the counselors and the undead and anything can happen.
Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.
River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.
Sincerely,
Allan Evans
Abbey was hoping for a calm summer before starting high school, but her father’s sudden extended business trip ruins that. His plan to have Abbey attend church camp in rural River Falls goes from bad to worse when she discovers the camp ended a week ago—leaving her stranded at Camp ToughLove, a boot camp for troubled teens.
River Falls has always had a spooky history, but the arrival of Abbey has turned the spook-ometer up to 11. First it’s cold spots and moving furniture, then it becomes a paranormal freakshow with a field of dead frogs, blood-red marks on the wall and the bodiless head of woman long-dead. Now, something is reaching out to Abbey with a mysterious symbol that shows up with more and more urgency. Thrown together with a boy she likes, a mean girl she doesn’t and a roommate with the mother-of-all split personalities, Abbey has to figure out the meaning of these otherworldly clues as her entire world crumbles down around her.
I have written professionally in advertising and marketing for over a decade. This is my third novel.
Sincerely,
Allan Evans
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