Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks for adding this again, Rick.
This time I'm just going to paste in the main gist of the query without salutations, etc. Thanks, all :)
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance with elements of mystical Christianity and is 92,000 words in length.
Introverted, shy and imaginative, Jennie is a late bloomer while Charos is a force of nature. She notices him for the first time while taking a shortcut through the abandoned Catholic cemetery. The powerfully built, darkly beautiful man beside the rose-covered grave is rather hard to miss. As he is often at the rosy gravesite, she plucks up courage to introduce herself. Charos shows little interest which disappoints but doesn't surprise Jennie. However one 'man' always has time for her. During her treks through the cemetery to and from work, Jennie stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ, garbed in a maroon cloak, and sometimes receives wonderful 'inspirationals' when she does.
Despite his initial coolness, Charos seems to warm towards her when she shows interest in the blood red roses that are flourising in mid-winter. He explains that the winter roses never die only sleep through summer returning every winter when 'she' is needed the most. Although they begin to spend more time together, he remains an edgy, unpredictable mystery. However, she feels he understands her and sees her real worth more than anyone else. He is the only one to call her by her real name, Genevieve, as he thinks this is who she really is. The name means 'woman of the people' and turns out to be a fitting choice as Jennie discovers Charos is not human, and like the rest of his kind who haunt the cemetery, he refers to human beings as The People.
Come late spring the winter roses and Charos fade away leaving Jennie in despair but impregnated with life like the budding flowers and trees that have overgrown the cemetery. She is determined to find out the truth about Charos and to bring him back into her life and her unborn child's. Only the 'Man' Jennie needs the most can arm her with wisdom and faith to win the love of the man who needs her the most. And only the magical winter roses will enable her to understand how the truest, most selfless love - found in the realms of spirit and legend - can restore not only Charos' soul but the spiritual life of humanity.
Sep 17, 2009
Sep 16, 2009
Query- Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine
Dear [Agent],
When twenty-something Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year and still feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories; she packs up her life and moves across the Atlantic to find solace in a cottage that she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.
Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.
She should have been scared.
Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there.
To further complicate matters, there are those in the vampire community who think Grace possesses a mirror called, The Soul Collector. It’s the only mirror that allows a vampire to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace, and Hagan--if he can be trusted--to figure out how to safeguard it from those who would use it for their own corrupt purposes.
According to agentquery.com you represent women’s fiction. I hope that you will be interested in representing my debut, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a story involving vampires, but at its heart it’s about love, loss, and all the complexities of the relationships we all experience.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Kristy Hutchison
When twenty-something Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year and still feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories; she packs up her life and moves across the Atlantic to find solace in a cottage that she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.
Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.
She should have been scared.
Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there.
To further complicate matters, there are those in the vampire community who think Grace possesses a mirror called, The Soul Collector. It’s the only mirror that allows a vampire to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace, and Hagan--if he can be trusted--to figure out how to safeguard it from those who would use it for their own corrupt purposes.
According to agentquery.com you represent women’s fiction. I hope that you will be interested in representing my debut, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a story involving vampires, but at its heart it’s about love, loss, and all the complexities of the relationships we all experience.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Kristy Hutchison
Sep 15, 2009
QUERY - The Broadwater Challenges
Dear Agent,
Congratulations on your recent success with _________________ by __________. Perhaps you would be interested in our project.
Imagine Watership Down with dragons instead of rabbits. That’s The Broadwater Challenges, our approximately 69,000-word middle-grade fantasy novel.
Harold may be the son of a dragon king, but he sure doesn’t feel like one. He doesn’t want any part of the Three Challenges, the dangerous competition that the six dragon kings have set up for their heirs. He didn’t mean to pick that fight with T’Roc, the menacing son of his own father’s chief rival. He didn’t expect to fall for Rosewing, the beautiful daughter of another king. He doesn’t know what he did to make Canus, the leader of the outlaw Clanless Ones, angry enough to want to kill him. And then there’s that kraken on the loose, hunting dragons and threatening his family. Of course, Harold could ignore it all and nap on the beach. But sometimes being the son of the king means doing what you have to do, not what you want to do.
We have several published short stories to our credit, including one of Harold’s earlier adventures in [name redated], a fantasy/sci-fi magazine for children. Both of us are members of the New Jersey Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. In fact, The Broadwater Challenges won an NJSCBWI Award for Best Young Adult Fantasy. While it was written as a standalone novel, we also have outlines for two sequels.
Please be advised that this is a simultaneous submission. We can provide sample chapters or the full manuscript upon request.
Thank you for your consideration.
Us
P.S. - I know that an actual query would not have a P.S., but I do have a specific question about our query. Harold is a slightly overweight vegetarian dragon. This fact, of course, causes some serious problems for him throughout the novel. We do not mention that anywhere in the query. Should we?
Congratulations on your recent success with _________________ by __________. Perhaps you would be interested in our project.
Imagine Watership Down with dragons instead of rabbits. That’s The Broadwater Challenges, our approximately 69,000-word middle-grade fantasy novel.
Harold may be the son of a dragon king, but he sure doesn’t feel like one. He doesn’t want any part of the Three Challenges, the dangerous competition that the six dragon kings have set up for their heirs. He didn’t mean to pick that fight with T’Roc, the menacing son of his own father’s chief rival. He didn’t expect to fall for Rosewing, the beautiful daughter of another king. He doesn’t know what he did to make Canus, the leader of the outlaw Clanless Ones, angry enough to want to kill him. And then there’s that kraken on the loose, hunting dragons and threatening his family. Of course, Harold could ignore it all and nap on the beach. But sometimes being the son of the king means doing what you have to do, not what you want to do.
We have several published short stories to our credit, including one of Harold’s earlier adventures in [name redated], a fantasy/sci-fi magazine for children. Both of us are members of the New Jersey Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. In fact, The Broadwater Challenges won an NJSCBWI Award for Best Young Adult Fantasy. While it was written as a standalone novel, we also have outlines for two sequels.
Please be advised that this is a simultaneous submission. We can provide sample chapters or the full manuscript upon request.
Thank you for your consideration.
Us
P.S. - I know that an actual query would not have a P.S., but I do have a specific question about our query. Harold is a slightly overweight vegetarian dragon. This fact, of course, causes some serious problems for him throughout the novel. We do not mention that anywhere in the query. Should we?
THE SECOND CHANCE (3rd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Okay - I took some of each of the other queries, all the great suggestions I have been given, and put a little more of myself into this one. . . hope it is starting to work! And thanks again to everyone who has been commenting on my query - you are all a GREAT help!
Dear Agent:
Jerry awakes in a hospital bed thinking of a woman he hasn’t seen in seven years. With his company closed and a broken past he is now determined to fix, Jerry travels to Pennsylvania to reclaim the only woman he has ever loved. Except there’s a problem: she’s dead - and when she left seven years ago, she was pregnant.
With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. The moment is bittersweet as Jerry is presented with a box of notes from Debbie that was never sent and the news that the disease that took Debbie’s life was passed on to Jake. The box of notes provides Jerry with some comfort and closure towards Debbie. The mitochondrial disease that caused heart failure for Debbie was causing Jake’s heart to be smaller in size than normal.
As Jerry becomes a father to Jake, he finds himself falling in love with Amy. Struggling to let go of the past and appreciate the future, Jerry is tested once again on the day he is going to propose to Amy. After finding Jake face down in living room a victim to the disease that now takes two people he has loved, Jerry must find the strength within himself to be strong again for Amy and for his second chance.
THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses the personal journey. It is set through the eyes of a man as he learns to become a better person through some of life’s hardest lessons. It is also a reminder that it is never too late to go back and change things.
My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jim Wisneski
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Okay - I took some of each of the other queries, all the great suggestions I have been given, and put a little more of myself into this one. . . hope it is starting to work! And thanks again to everyone who has been commenting on my query - you are all a GREAT help!
Dear Agent:
Jerry awakes in a hospital bed thinking of a woman he hasn’t seen in seven years. With his company closed and a broken past he is now determined to fix, Jerry travels to Pennsylvania to reclaim the only woman he has ever loved. Except there’s a problem: she’s dead - and when she left seven years ago, she was pregnant.
With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. The moment is bittersweet as Jerry is presented with a box of notes from Debbie that was never sent and the news that the disease that took Debbie’s life was passed on to Jake. The box of notes provides Jerry with some comfort and closure towards Debbie. The mitochondrial disease that caused heart failure for Debbie was causing Jake’s heart to be smaller in size than normal.
As Jerry becomes a father to Jake, he finds himself falling in love with Amy. Struggling to let go of the past and appreciate the future, Jerry is tested once again on the day he is going to propose to Amy. After finding Jake face down in living room a victim to the disease that now takes two people he has loved, Jerry must find the strength within himself to be strong again for Amy and for his second chance.
THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses the personal journey. It is set through the eyes of a man as he learns to become a better person through some of life’s hardest lessons. It is also a reminder that it is never too late to go back and change things.
My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jim Wisneski
Sep 14, 2009
QUERY: FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD...
Dear Agent,
Scotland, 2010. When Aggie MacLayne discovers that her best friend Sandra´s new husband and his mates are playing a grossly violent and misogynistic illegal online game, she agonizes over what to do. All she knows is that she wants to cause her friend the least possible pain. To sort out her jumbled thoughts Aggie writes them down and on the spur of the moment sends them to a magazine agony aunt. The magazine turns out to be legally obliged to inform the authorities. Aggie is questioned and pressurized into divulging names. The police raid the newlyweds´council house, finding not only evidence of the notorious game but also a stash of illegal guns. Sandra won´t be holding her man for a long, long time.
Just as it looks as though Aggie might be getting somewhere in trying to pick her trebly shocked friend up from the floor, the guns´owners become convinced that Sandra grassed up her hubbie. She barely escapes a vicious attack. Aggie, terrified that her role in events might emerge, comes clean to Sandra. Together the friends decide that they must flee their never more claustrophobic Glasgow estate and go on the run.
A gritty literary novel about two young women´s rise above poverty, violence and rampant chauvinism in a country where it seems not only the weather is getting colder, FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD… is complete at 90,000 words.
Please find enclosed a synopsis and three sample chapters as per your submissions guidelines (or similar, and personalized tidbit plus biog bit).
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Author
Scotland, 2010. When Aggie MacLayne discovers that her best friend Sandra´s new husband and his mates are playing a grossly violent and misogynistic illegal online game, she agonizes over what to do. All she knows is that she wants to cause her friend the least possible pain. To sort out her jumbled thoughts Aggie writes them down and on the spur of the moment sends them to a magazine agony aunt. The magazine turns out to be legally obliged to inform the authorities. Aggie is questioned and pressurized into divulging names. The police raid the newlyweds´council house, finding not only evidence of the notorious game but also a stash of illegal guns. Sandra won´t be holding her man for a long, long time.
Just as it looks as though Aggie might be getting somewhere in trying to pick her trebly shocked friend up from the floor, the guns´owners become convinced that Sandra grassed up her hubbie. She barely escapes a vicious attack. Aggie, terrified that her role in events might emerge, comes clean to Sandra. Together the friends decide that they must flee their never more claustrophobic Glasgow estate and go on the run.
A gritty literary novel about two young women´s rise above poverty, violence and rampant chauvinism in a country where it seems not only the weather is getting colder, FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD… is complete at 90,000 words.
Please find enclosed a synopsis and three sample chapters as per your submissions guidelines (or similar, and personalized tidbit plus biog bit).
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Author
Sep 13, 2009
FOURTH REVISION - THE CHOSEN ONES AND THE DRAGON WAR
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version.
Click here to read the third version.
Dear Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone.
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny. When he finally discovers his destiny, he is elated and fully embraces his powers.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey and finally tells her the truth. Unlike Jack, Katie doesn't want to be different and she doesn't want to fight the fey. Her intelligence works against her as she doesn't want to believe these illogical tales are true. She reluctantly agrees to train with the Mages, but secretly plans an escape back to Earth. Then she discovers dragons are alive and thriving there, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone)
Click here to read the second version.
Click here to read the third version.
Dear Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone.
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny. When he finally discovers his destiny, he is elated and fully embraces his powers.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey and finally tells her the truth. Unlike Jack, Katie doesn't want to be different and she doesn't want to fight the fey. Her intelligence works against her as she doesn't want to believe these illogical tales are true. She reluctantly agrees to train with the Mages, but secretly plans an escape back to Earth. Then she discovers dragons are alive and thriving there, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone)
Sep 12, 2009
Third Revision - The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version
(so, I listened to the comments (after I cried) and I have taken the wonderful advice given to me to heart and I think I'm getting closer to explaining my epic (read too-long) book. I'm chopping the novel also, so I don't know how many words it will be in the end. Thank you all for your wonderful coments and for helping make me a better queriest! - Natalie)
Dear Mr/Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone. But first, can they save a clan of dragons in the midst of war?
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos, designing them to work together as a team. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. She attends school with her peers. She helps around the farm. She even plays with her brothers. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey, where she discovers dragons are alive and thriving, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone number)
Click here to read the second version
(so, I listened to the comments (after I cried) and I have taken the wonderful advice given to me to heart and I think I'm getting closer to explaining my epic (read too-long) book. I'm chopping the novel also, so I don't know how many words it will be in the end. Thank you all for your wonderful coments and for helping make me a better queriest! - Natalie)
Dear Mr/Ms. Agent:
When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone. But first, can they save a clan of dragons in the midst of war?
Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos, designing them to work together as a team. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.
Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny.
Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. She attends school with her peers. She helps around the farm. She even plays with her brothers. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey, where she discovers dragons are alive and thriving, but need her help to save their hatchlings.
Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.
The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone number)
Sep 11, 2009
Short Story Writing Contest
The Literary Lab just announced a short story writing contest!
The deadline for submissions is December 1, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. PST, so you have plenty of time to polish up your best 1,000-2,000 word short story (or write a new one).
Details are posted here.
The Lab will be awarding prizes, and all genres of fiction are invited to submit.
I know am going to submit, and I think it would be awesome to see some of the Slushpile regulars among the winning entries, I know there are a lot of talented writers following this blog. Here's a chance to show off your chops!
The deadline for submissions is December 1, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. PST, so you have plenty of time to polish up your best 1,000-2,000 word short story (or write a new one).
Details are posted here.
The Lab will be awarding prizes, and all genres of fiction are invited to submit.
I know am going to submit, and I think it would be awesome to see some of the Slushpile regulars among the winning entries, I know there are a lot of talented writers following this blog. Here's a chance to show off your chops!
QUERY: NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE Revision 3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy Thompson believes she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert Crane won’t take no for an answer. After weeks of persistence, and a commitment to sobriety, he wins Amy’s heart.
It doesn’t take long for the couple to feel the pressure from Robert’s family and church to marry, and though Robert is eager for a family of his own, Amy still has nightmares about the trauma of her own childhood and the "accidental" death of her mother. One solid year’s sobriety is Amy’s price, but no matter how much Robert prays, or how many sacrifices Amy and his best friend Calvin Mertz make for him, his own insecurities drive Robert repeatedly back to the bottle.
As Robert’s alcoholism and brutality escalates, Amy becomes convinced that she has two choices: abandon Robert and try to rebuild the hard-won independence she’d gained before she met him, or make the ultimate commitment and hope that marriage and family is truly the cure for his alcoholism. Before Amy can make a decision, a new option opens in the form of a long, passionate kiss from Cal.
Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction about testing the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy Thompson believes she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert Crane won’t take no for an answer. After weeks of persistence, and a commitment to sobriety, he wins Amy’s heart.
It doesn’t take long for the couple to feel the pressure from Robert’s family and church to marry, and though Robert is eager for a family of his own, Amy still has nightmares about the trauma of her own childhood and the "accidental" death of her mother. One solid year’s sobriety is Amy’s price, but no matter how much Robert prays, or how many sacrifices Amy and his best friend Calvin Mertz make for him, his own insecurities drive Robert repeatedly back to the bottle.
As Robert’s alcoholism and brutality escalates, Amy becomes convinced that she has two choices: abandon Robert and try to rebuild the hard-won independence she’d gained before she met him, or make the ultimate commitment and hope that marriage and family is truly the cure for his alcoholism. Before Amy can make a decision, a new option opens in the form of a long, passionate kiss from Cal.
Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction about testing the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
La Dame D'Or - 1st Revision
Click here to read the original query.
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.
A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.
A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.
As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.
Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.
A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.
A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.
As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sep 10, 2009
Query: Ready or Not
Dear Agent:
Yeah, Katherine missed birth control pills in the past, but she never got a freakin' plus sign on her pregnancy test! Now she has to decide how to deal with Nate, her boyfriend of four years who she doesn't really even like. And she is clueless about what to do with these unexpected feelings for Brandon, the ladies man of the payroll office where she works.
Katherine and Nate have had a tumultuous relationship, but because every other man (including her father) ditched her after a few months of her company, she finds it impossible and impractical to leave him—even though Brandon persistently tries to convince her otherwise.
After the baby is born, postpartum depression sets in. Katherine worries about harming her baby, develops an obsession with Vicodin, and struggles with a nagging feeling that Nate is cheating on her. Nate, unable to cope with Katherine's unpredictable emotions, takes off five weeks after the baby is born.
Katherine is convinced that Nate left because of the weight she gained during pregnancy and can only find comfort in skipping meals—not that she's anorexic or anything! Oh, she also develops a nasty habit of sleeping with strange men—anything to not be alone. She can only turn her life around with the help of the man who never loved her enough and the man who never got a chance to love her.
Ready or Not, complete at 96,000 words, is a work of women's fiction. Please contact me if you're interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Yeah, Katherine missed birth control pills in the past, but she never got a freakin' plus sign on her pregnancy test! Now she has to decide how to deal with Nate, her boyfriend of four years who she doesn't really even like. And she is clueless about what to do with these unexpected feelings for Brandon, the ladies man of the payroll office where she works.
Katherine and Nate have had a tumultuous relationship, but because every other man (including her father) ditched her after a few months of her company, she finds it impossible and impractical to leave him—even though Brandon persistently tries to convince her otherwise.
After the baby is born, postpartum depression sets in. Katherine worries about harming her baby, develops an obsession with Vicodin, and struggles with a nagging feeling that Nate is cheating on her. Nate, unable to cope with Katherine's unpredictable emotions, takes off five weeks after the baby is born.
Katherine is convinced that Nate left because of the weight she gained during pregnancy and can only find comfort in skipping meals—not that she's anorexic or anything! Oh, she also develops a nasty habit of sleeping with strange men—anything to not be alone. She can only turn her life around with the help of the man who never loved her enough and the man who never got a chance to love her.
Ready or Not, complete at 96,000 words, is a work of women's fiction. Please contact me if you're interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.
QUERY: RABBIT AND COUGAR
Dear Agent,
Seventeen-year-old Bolt had nothing to do with the king’s death, but who would take his word for it? He has no connections, no family. His very arrival in the kingdom of Byrony was so strange that he had to register as a possibly-dangerous Mystical Waif - making it easy for an enemy to accuse him of the royal murder. Now Bolt has fled into the forest south of Byrony, running for his life.
Rabbit has lived in his secluded village for three hundred and twenty-one years - making him, as a forest elf, about sixteen. He’s never even seen a human before the bold and capable, if curiously defensive, young adventurer who calls himself Cougar. Intrigued, Rabbit decides that he wants to see the world - and what better way than to tag along on Cougar’s travels?
With Byrony’s Royal Soldiers on his trail, “Cougar” can’t afford to waste time. When even the truth of his dangerous journey doesn’t discourage the adventure-hungry Rabbit, Cougar must accept a companion on his trek across the continent to the safe kingdom of Farewon. With the help of a fast-talking fop and an abandoned fox kit, both of whom are more than they seem, Rabbit and Cougar dodge werewolves, goblins, and the Royal Soldiers, becoming friends along the way. But when they reach Farewon, it holds not the safety Cougar expected, but some clues to his own mysterious roots - and more adventure than Rabbit could have asked for.
The YA fantasy novel RABBIT AND COUGAR, about 72,000 words, alternates chapters between the viewpoints of streetwise Cougar and smart-but-naive Rabbit. Its humor and whimsy will appeal to fans of Diana Wynne Jones and Patricia C. Wrede.
I have published short works of humorous fantasy in Spindle and Renard’s Menagerie, and am a member of the James River Writers.
Enclosed is (whatever material you want). I look forward to your response.
Thank you for your time,
Anica Lewis
Seventeen-year-old Bolt had nothing to do with the king’s death, but who would take his word for it? He has no connections, no family. His very arrival in the kingdom of Byrony was so strange that he had to register as a possibly-dangerous Mystical Waif - making it easy for an enemy to accuse him of the royal murder. Now Bolt has fled into the forest south of Byrony, running for his life.
Rabbit has lived in his secluded village for three hundred and twenty-one years - making him, as a forest elf, about sixteen. He’s never even seen a human before the bold and capable, if curiously defensive, young adventurer who calls himself Cougar. Intrigued, Rabbit decides that he wants to see the world - and what better way than to tag along on Cougar’s travels?
With Byrony’s Royal Soldiers on his trail, “Cougar” can’t afford to waste time. When even the truth of his dangerous journey doesn’t discourage the adventure-hungry Rabbit, Cougar must accept a companion on his trek across the continent to the safe kingdom of Farewon. With the help of a fast-talking fop and an abandoned fox kit, both of whom are more than they seem, Rabbit and Cougar dodge werewolves, goblins, and the Royal Soldiers, becoming friends along the way. But when they reach Farewon, it holds not the safety Cougar expected, but some clues to his own mysterious roots - and more adventure than Rabbit could have asked for.
The YA fantasy novel RABBIT AND COUGAR, about 72,000 words, alternates chapters between the viewpoints of streetwise Cougar and smart-but-naive Rabbit. Its humor and whimsy will appeal to fans of Diana Wynne Jones and Patricia C. Wrede.
I have published short works of humorous fantasy in Spindle and Renard’s Menagerie, and am a member of the James River Writers.
Enclosed is (whatever material you want). I look forward to your response.
Thank you for your time,
Anica Lewis
Sep 9, 2009
Successful Query!
This is a follow up to the post earlier today about the writer who got "the call."
From Natalie Bahm:
Someone asked if I could post the query that worked so here it is. I actually had two fairly different queries that received requests but this was the one I sent to the agent that offered representation.
Dear Agent:
When eleven-year-old Ally discovers the neighborhood boys are digging a tunnel to an abandoned steel mill she is faced with a dilemma. Should she join them and help dig to the mysterious and seriously off-limits steel mill while spending time with the sixth grade heartthrob Paul, or should she tell her parents, end the boys’ fun, but save them from the accident that’s bound to happen?
Ally decides to join the boys in hopes her involvement can push them to make the tunnel safer. She initiates the building of supports and then helps dig for months (with many adventures on the way) before she and the boys finally break through to the steel mill.
But when two notorious bank robbers known as the Gauze Men find the tunnel and discover where it leads, they decide to use it to get to the perfect hideout- miles of industrial buildings surrounded by a fifteen foot fence, that no one has been inside for twenty years… no one but all the neighborhood boys and Ally. When Ally and Paul get trapped inside the mill with the Gauze Men, they must escape and get help.
Underground is my first novel. It is written for a middle grade audience and is complete at about 33,000 words.
I’d be happy to send you sample pages or the complete manuscript if you are interested. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Natalie Bahm
It's not the best query ever but I think it did a fairly decent job of describing the story in a way that might make agents interested to read it.
With this query I received 3 requests for full manuscripts out of about 15 query submissions. I actually felt the second query I wrote was much stronger than this one, but it had a smaller request request rate (about 1 in 10, instead of 1 in 5).
Some of the best advice I read about query writing came from this blog: http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-to-put-it-together-into-one-neat.html
Hopefully something in here will be useful. Don't feel like you need to post the whole muddle. (Or any of it for that matter :) Thanks again.
NOTE: I posted the whole muddle ;-)
From Natalie Bahm:
Someone asked if I could post the query that worked so here it is. I actually had two fairly different queries that received requests but this was the one I sent to the agent that offered representation.
Dear Agent:
When eleven-year-old Ally discovers the neighborhood boys are digging a tunnel to an abandoned steel mill she is faced with a dilemma. Should she join them and help dig to the mysterious and seriously off-limits steel mill while spending time with the sixth grade heartthrob Paul, or should she tell her parents, end the boys’ fun, but save them from the accident that’s bound to happen?
Ally decides to join the boys in hopes her involvement can push them to make the tunnel safer. She initiates the building of supports and then helps dig for months (with many adventures on the way) before she and the boys finally break through to the steel mill.
But when two notorious bank robbers known as the Gauze Men find the tunnel and discover where it leads, they decide to use it to get to the perfect hideout- miles of industrial buildings surrounded by a fifteen foot fence, that no one has been inside for twenty years… no one but all the neighborhood boys and Ally. When Ally and Paul get trapped inside the mill with the Gauze Men, they must escape and get help.
Underground is my first novel. It is written for a middle grade audience and is complete at about 33,000 words.
I’d be happy to send you sample pages or the complete manuscript if you are interested. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Natalie Bahm
It's not the best query ever but I think it did a fairly decent job of describing the story in a way that might make agents interested to read it.
With this query I received 3 requests for full manuscripts out of about 15 query submissions. I actually felt the second query I wrote was much stronger than this one, but it had a smaller request request rate (about 1 in 10, instead of 1 in 5).
Some of the best advice I read about query writing came from this blog: http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-to-put-it-together-into-one-neat.html
Hopefully something in here will be useful. Don't feel like you need to post the whole muddle. (Or any of it for that matter :) Thanks again.
NOTE: I posted the whole muddle ;-)
THE SECOND CHANCE (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Okay - first, thank you to everyone who has been helping me work with this query. I feel like it is getting better each time I post it.
Dear Agent:
In an attempt to redeem his past, Jerry learns two things: the woman he loves is dead and when she left him seven years ago, she was pregnant.
With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. They look alike but Jake inherited something from his mother – the disease that took her life.
Jerry falls in love with Amy and learns to become a father and just as everything appears to be normal, it all changes on the same day that Jerry is going to propose to Amy and Amy is going to announce her pregnancy.
Jake’s disease takes over and with his life in the balance and Jerry’s emotions tested again he must find strength within himself to hold on to his second chance.
THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses a personal journey that most of us take at lease once in our lives.
My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jim Wisneski
Click here to read the first revision.
Okay - first, thank you to everyone who has been helping me work with this query. I feel like it is getting better each time I post it.
Dear Agent:
In an attempt to redeem his past, Jerry learns two things: the woman he loves is dead and when she left him seven years ago, she was pregnant.
With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. They look alike but Jake inherited something from his mother – the disease that took her life.
Jerry falls in love with Amy and learns to become a father and just as everything appears to be normal, it all changes on the same day that Jerry is going to propose to Amy and Amy is going to announce her pregnancy.
Jake’s disease takes over and with his life in the balance and Jerry’s emotions tested again he must find strength within himself to hold on to his second chance.
THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses a personal journey that most of us take at lease once in our lives.
My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jim Wisneski
A Writer Gets "The Call"
This just came in through the submissions post, I thought I would share it. Click here to read the query that was posted for Underground (although it isn't the final version that yielded The Call), and I extend the thanks to everyone who offers their feedback on any query on this site:
I posted my query months ago, just after you set up the blog. I never reposted but I did revise the query and first five pages (about a hundred times :) based on some of the suggestions you and others gave me. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping up this blog. I am sure it is a lot of work for you, but it is a great service for writers.
I got "The Call" last week and I'm sure it never would have happened without the help of other writers who gave their time to help my manuscript and query be the best it could be. Hopefully I can repay some of the kindness.
So thanks.
I posted my query months ago, just after you set up the blog. I never reposted but I did revise the query and first five pages (about a hundred times :) based on some of the suggestions you and others gave me. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping up this blog. I am sure it is a lot of work for you, but it is a great service for writers.
I got "The Call" last week and I'm sure it never would have happened without the help of other writers who gave their time to help my manuscript and query be the best it could be. Hopefully I can repay some of the kindness.
So thanks.
Sep 8, 2009
QUERY -- CALLARION AT NIGHT, Revision 1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent:
Moriah Rowani returns from the elite school where she's been trained as a top-tier bounty hunter looking forward to spending time with the father who raised her alone. Instead, she finds him bleeding to death -- shot by the Chancellery guard found dead nearby. Her father's final words are, "find the diary."
Moriah is forced from her ancestral estate by the Lord Chancellor and his men, who are intent on one thing -- eradicating people with human and satyr or nymph parents. With the help of allies both in and out of the underground resistance, Moriah discovers that the diary, written by the mother who left her ten years ago, holds the secret to crippling the Lord Chancellor's hold on power and possibly pulling the city-state of Callarion from the hell it's become.
My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Dear Agent:
Moriah Rowani returns from the elite school where she's been trained as a top-tier bounty hunter looking forward to spending time with the father who raised her alone. Instead, she finds him bleeding to death -- shot by the Chancellery guard found dead nearby. Her father's final words are, "find the diary."
Moriah is forced from her ancestral estate by the Lord Chancellor and his men, who are intent on one thing -- eradicating people with human and satyr or nymph parents. With the help of allies both in and out of the underground resistance, Moriah discovers that the diary, written by the mother who left her ten years ago, holds the secret to crippling the Lord Chancellor's hold on power and possibly pulling the city-state of Callarion from the hell it's become.
My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE, revision 2.
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
When Amy Thompson consented to have a big party for her twenty-first birthday, she didn’t expect to meet the man who would pursue her romantically until she relented, expose the most closely guarded secrets of her childhood, and inadvertently introduce her to the same choices her own mother must have faced. And when Robert Crane wins the heart of this reclusive beauty, he never dreams he’s set them on a path of self discovery that will end in redemption for one, tragedy for the other.
A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy thinks she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert is not a typical, abusive alcoholic. Their friends think him impulsively charming, his parents and church believe marriage and family is the cure for his rebelliousness, and his best friend Calvin Mertz refuses to allow Robert to suffer the consequences of his alcoholic binges.
For a while, Amy is sure she can save Robert and, by extension, herself from the haunting memories of her childhood. She involves herself in Robert’s faith; she makes friends of his disapproving parents; and even excuses his occasional brutality as a product of his insecurities. The one thing she refuses to do is to marry Robert and produce the family he craves, the family everyone is sure will make a difference in his commitment to sobriety.
As the relationship progresses, and Robert’s alcoholism escalates, Amy becomes convinced that her own mother would not have married the brut her father eventually became if he didn‘t have some redeeming qualities. Though Robert still suffers the guilt of his actions, Amy is convinced that if she doesn’t leave him, before marriage and children bond them forever, she could also end up with her mothers fate: to die a supposedly accidental death at the hands of her drunken husband.
Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction that tests the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
Click here to read the first revision.
When Amy Thompson consented to have a big party for her twenty-first birthday, she didn’t expect to meet the man who would pursue her romantically until she relented, expose the most closely guarded secrets of her childhood, and inadvertently introduce her to the same choices her own mother must have faced. And when Robert Crane wins the heart of this reclusive beauty, he never dreams he’s set them on a path of self discovery that will end in redemption for one, tragedy for the other.
A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy thinks she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert is not a typical, abusive alcoholic. Their friends think him impulsively charming, his parents and church believe marriage and family is the cure for his rebelliousness, and his best friend Calvin Mertz refuses to allow Robert to suffer the consequences of his alcoholic binges.
For a while, Amy is sure she can save Robert and, by extension, herself from the haunting memories of her childhood. She involves herself in Robert’s faith; she makes friends of his disapproving parents; and even excuses his occasional brutality as a product of his insecurities. The one thing she refuses to do is to marry Robert and produce the family he craves, the family everyone is sure will make a difference in his commitment to sobriety.
As the relationship progresses, and Robert’s alcoholism escalates, Amy becomes convinced that her own mother would not have married the brut her father eventually became if he didn‘t have some redeeming qualities. Though Robert still suffers the guilt of his actions, Amy is convinced that if she doesn’t leave him, before marriage and children bond them forever, she could also end up with her mothers fate: to die a supposedly accidental death at the hands of her drunken husband.
Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction that tests the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.
Sincerely,
Donna Hole
Sep 6, 2009
QUERY - JACK MBC
Dear Agent,
I am seeking representation for my young adult novel, JACK MBC, complete at 90,000 words.
Jack’s life is changed when he falls off the roof of a Las Vegas Hotel and doesn’t die. He discovers he has a form of Mind Body Control, or MBC for short. At signs of danger, he can order his body to turn into marble, steel or whatever is required.
His friends tell him he’d make a great superhero, but Jack isn’t sure he wants to be one. At sixteen, he’s not sure what he wants to be, period. He doesn’t appreciate the appearance of a weird ‘extra-ability’ (he refuses to call it a superpower) pushing him into a particular path.
But how can he say no to rescuing people from certain deaths? Even though using MBC gives him head splitting migraines. And when MBC is on, his emotions turn off, and may permanently stay off.
Then Jack makes a serious mistake and a man dies. MBC turns into a monster, attacking him with vicious side effects that may destroy him. Will Jack figure out what to do with MBC and how to control it, or will he lose himself forever?
I have enclosed the first xx pages for your consideration. Thank you.
I am seeking representation for my young adult novel, JACK MBC, complete at 90,000 words.
Jack’s life is changed when he falls off the roof of a Las Vegas Hotel and doesn’t die. He discovers he has a form of Mind Body Control, or MBC for short. At signs of danger, he can order his body to turn into marble, steel or whatever is required.
His friends tell him he’d make a great superhero, but Jack isn’t sure he wants to be one. At sixteen, he’s not sure what he wants to be, period. He doesn’t appreciate the appearance of a weird ‘extra-ability’ (he refuses to call it a superpower) pushing him into a particular path.
But how can he say no to rescuing people from certain deaths? Even though using MBC gives him head splitting migraines. And when MBC is on, his emotions turn off, and may permanently stay off.
Then Jack makes a serious mistake and a man dies. MBC turns into a monster, attacking him with vicious side effects that may destroy him. Will Jack figure out what to do with MBC and how to control it, or will he lose himself forever?
I have enclosed the first xx pages for your consideration. Thank you.
Sep 5, 2009
Query- La Dame D'Or
I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words. I have completed one other novel, which is currently undergoing revisions. Although I categorize La Dame D’Or as commercial fiction, a large percentage of the story takes place, through flashbacks, in the distant past.
When her long dead and quite ridiculous doctoral thesis suddenly mires Eleanor Lyons in an unfamiliar world filled with hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunters, she first and foremost resents the intrusion on her quiet life. Connor Stevens, a handsome but elusive man harboring a keen interest in her research, suddenly appears in her life around the same time. Desperate to gain her trust, Connor attempts to bully her by tossing an unknown entity into the mix: he is not the only one who believes she holds the key to the resting place of an ancient treasure.
A man who has destroyed Connor’s life for his own pleasure, the bloodthirsty and relentless Jonathan Dubois will stop at nothing to possess the Trinity Medallions, which he believes belong to him through familial descent. Proving Connor’s claim and forcing Eleanor’s hand, he kidnaps Gabrielle, her best friend. Keeping silent is no longer an option as Jonathan holds her friend hostage in exchange for the information in Eleanor's head. Trading herself and her knowledge for her friend’s freedom, Eleanor is forced to do something she hates even more than giving in to pushy and violent men. Trusting pushy and violent men. Unable to claw her way out of Jonathan's clutches on her own, Eleanor reveals the location of the medallions to Connor and his cohorts though she isn’t at all sure her life is more important to him than finding the medallions. At the mercy of a trained, psychotic killer, she has to trust that Connor won’t forget about her now that she has given him what he wants.
I love history and believe that the legends, myths, and characters it provides us are timeless and, if spun effectively, remain both appealing and exciting for all generations of readers. This story races along the path traveled by this elusive ancient treasure while employing detailed flashbacks to let us intimately know the historical figures that helped ensure its survival. I believe this novel succeeds in celebrating the interconnectivity of human life through the centuries, as well as illustrating the legacy that each generation leaves for the next.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. I believe this story will appeal to the many readers of books like those written by Iris Johanssen as well as to the masses drawn to the historical framework of the National Treasure films Thank you for your consideration of this proposal.
When her long dead and quite ridiculous doctoral thesis suddenly mires Eleanor Lyons in an unfamiliar world filled with hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunters, she first and foremost resents the intrusion on her quiet life. Connor Stevens, a handsome but elusive man harboring a keen interest in her research, suddenly appears in her life around the same time. Desperate to gain her trust, Connor attempts to bully her by tossing an unknown entity into the mix: he is not the only one who believes she holds the key to the resting place of an ancient treasure.
A man who has destroyed Connor’s life for his own pleasure, the bloodthirsty and relentless Jonathan Dubois will stop at nothing to possess the Trinity Medallions, which he believes belong to him through familial descent. Proving Connor’s claim and forcing Eleanor’s hand, he kidnaps Gabrielle, her best friend. Keeping silent is no longer an option as Jonathan holds her friend hostage in exchange for the information in Eleanor's head. Trading herself and her knowledge for her friend’s freedom, Eleanor is forced to do something she hates even more than giving in to pushy and violent men. Trusting pushy and violent men. Unable to claw her way out of Jonathan's clutches on her own, Eleanor reveals the location of the medallions to Connor and his cohorts though she isn’t at all sure her life is more important to him than finding the medallions. At the mercy of a trained, psychotic killer, she has to trust that Connor won’t forget about her now that she has given him what he wants.
I love history and believe that the legends, myths, and characters it provides us are timeless and, if spun effectively, remain both appealing and exciting for all generations of readers. This story races along the path traveled by this elusive ancient treasure while employing detailed flashbacks to let us intimately know the historical figures that helped ensure its survival. I believe this novel succeeds in celebrating the interconnectivity of human life through the centuries, as well as illustrating the legacy that each generation leaves for the next.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. I believe this story will appeal to the many readers of books like those written by Iris Johanssen as well as to the masses drawn to the historical framework of the National Treasure films Thank you for your consideration of this proposal.
REVISED QUERY - THE CHOSEN ONES
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Mr. Agent:
A studious teen’s life has become the stuff of nightmares: not only was she created by aliens to save the universe, but her housecat is actually a werecat in disguise, and she has magical abilities that she has to learn to use on her own which get her mixed up in a dragon civil war, and through all this, dark fairies are hunting her.
We'd like to submit our young adult fantasy, The Chosen Ones, for your review. The completed manuscript is approximately 100,000 words.
Katie is an outcast, her sophomore peers are just too creeped out by her purple hair and glowing violet eyes. Instead of having friends, Katie has books as companions. When the dark fey find her on Earth, her housecat hides her on another planet and explains the truth. There she begins training to use her magical abilities and befriends a pride of dragons that are in dire need of help before their hatchlings die. Soon she realizes she can't help them alone and inadvertently brings Jack to her aid.
Jack was orphaned as a baby and ran away from the latest foster home. Normal people avoid him because of his glowing amber eyes and ability to know what they are thinking. His alley cat companion is telepathic and has been Jack’s only friend on the streets.
Immediately Jack and Katie butt heads. Katie was hoping for the boy in her dreams, and instead Jack is arrogant and awkward. He acts like life is a game. Now they must put aside their differences to save their new dragon friends and thwart the dark fey's attempts at destroying the dragons' planet. Will the logical Katie be able to see through Jack's defenses and learn to trust him in time?
While The Chosen Ones is a stand alone novel, it is also the first in a planned trilogy. We have started writing the second book, The Prophesy, and have a detailed outline available for review. The Alliance, the third book, also has a rough outline in place. This is our first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick Nuttall
(email address)
(phone number)
Dear Mr. Agent:
A studious teen’s life has become the stuff of nightmares: not only was she created by aliens to save the universe, but her housecat is actually a werecat in disguise, and she has magical abilities that she has to learn to use on her own which get her mixed up in a dragon civil war, and through all this, dark fairies are hunting her.
We'd like to submit our young adult fantasy, The Chosen Ones, for your review. The completed manuscript is approximately 100,000 words.
Katie is an outcast, her sophomore peers are just too creeped out by her purple hair and glowing violet eyes. Instead of having friends, Katie has books as companions. When the dark fey find her on Earth, her housecat hides her on another planet and explains the truth. There she begins training to use her magical abilities and befriends a pride of dragons that are in dire need of help before their hatchlings die. Soon she realizes she can't help them alone and inadvertently brings Jack to her aid.
Jack was orphaned as a baby and ran away from the latest foster home. Normal people avoid him because of his glowing amber eyes and ability to know what they are thinking. His alley cat companion is telepathic and has been Jack’s only friend on the streets.
Immediately Jack and Katie butt heads. Katie was hoping for the boy in her dreams, and instead Jack is arrogant and awkward. He acts like life is a game. Now they must put aside their differences to save their new dragon friends and thwart the dark fey's attempts at destroying the dragons' planet. Will the logical Katie be able to see through Jack's defenses and learn to trust him in time?
While The Chosen Ones is a stand alone novel, it is also the first in a planned trilogy. We have started writing the second book, The Prophesy, and have a detailed outline available for review. The Alliance, the third book, also has a rough outline in place. This is our first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Natalie and Rick Nuttall
(email address)
(phone number)
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