Dear Agent,
The war started with a drunkard in her library and an arrow in her arm.
Seventeen-year-old Adalmund Pratt is one of the last remaining people who can see and weave the threads of magic in her plague-ravaged country, and as such, she is the newly-appointed Advisor to the Theodyn Heir. During a peace treaty signing with the neighboring nation of Amleth, an Amleth advisor drunkenly slurs in her ear that his nation is on the brink of a revolution against the royal family, and she realizes that she and the Heir of Theodyn are in enemy territory.
The attack comes before they planned. An unknown division of the Amleth army attacks and it’s an arrow through Adalmund’s shoulder and another through the throat of the Heir, who dies in her arms.
Adalmund knows that her ability remains the only chance to save Theodyn. Pushing aside her own grief and feelings of failure, she doesn’t hesitate to obey when the grieving Queen sends her to spy on the Amleth army and bring the murderous army unit to justice.
It’s not an impossible assignment until Adalmund realizes that the soldiers who attacked aren’t a part of the normal army, but are the private guards of a Prince. The only way she can succeed is to forge a precarious truce with Peace, the mysterious leader of the revolution in Amleth, and she’ll do it to save her country—even if the price of Peace is her life.
The first in a planned series, THE ASH PLAUGE is a young adult fantasy novel of 75,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
L.M. Miller
Sep 25, 2011
Sep 12, 2011
QUERY- THE RISE OF TEDDY
Dear …,
[something here about them and all the research I've done to ensure that they are a good fit with my novel]
Teddy, an overweight fantasy aficionado, is obsessed with the concept of the hero. He knows that even if nothing about him is heroic he has the mettle to become one … someday. At present, he has more pressing issues, like his job at the local gym. Never has he felt so inadequate. Life is a constant reminder of how far he lies from ideal. Not that it spurs him take any action. That catalyst for change comes when his co-corker, Tia, – his destined princess, as he thinks of her – says, "you would look totally hot if you lost fifty-pounds," Teddy infers more than she means to imply and decides to do something he has never before attempted – lose weight.
If only he knew where to start.
After a mishap that involves dropping a couple hundred pounds on his head, he is approached by the gym's most persistent nutcase – a man in a bright green fanny pack named Stan – and offered help. Unsure, but fully aware that he has no other option, Teddy accepts.
It all seems so easy at first. However, the smooth path soon becomes a jagged and twisted maze with obstacles lurking around every bend. Tia's boyfriend returns to town and pops the bubble of Teddy's inflating self-esteem. Stan's daughter becomes a confusing confound in Teddy's hermetic life. Former nemeses become allies. Through it all, Teddy finds himself acting less and less like the hero he wants to become and more like the immodest kids he once despised. In the end, his actions may forfeit his chances for the one thing he wants: Tia.
THE RISE OF TEDDY, a work of commercial fiction, is complete at 97,000 words.
I am a graduate of 2006 Stanford University and was once an overweight kid myself.
Sincerely,
LP Vendrell
[something here about them and all the research I've done to ensure that they are a good fit with my novel]
Teddy, an overweight fantasy aficionado, is obsessed with the concept of the hero. He knows that even if nothing about him is heroic he has the mettle to become one … someday. At present, he has more pressing issues, like his job at the local gym. Never has he felt so inadequate. Life is a constant reminder of how far he lies from ideal. Not that it spurs him take any action. That catalyst for change comes when his co-corker, Tia, – his destined princess, as he thinks of her – says, "you would look totally hot if you lost fifty-pounds," Teddy infers more than she means to imply and decides to do something he has never before attempted – lose weight.
If only he knew where to start.
After a mishap that involves dropping a couple hundred pounds on his head, he is approached by the gym's most persistent nutcase – a man in a bright green fanny pack named Stan – and offered help. Unsure, but fully aware that he has no other option, Teddy accepts.
It all seems so easy at first. However, the smooth path soon becomes a jagged and twisted maze with obstacles lurking around every bend. Tia's boyfriend returns to town and pops the bubble of Teddy's inflating self-esteem. Stan's daughter becomes a confusing confound in Teddy's hermetic life. Former nemeses become allies. Through it all, Teddy finds himself acting less and less like the hero he wants to become and more like the immodest kids he once despised. In the end, his actions may forfeit his chances for the one thing he wants: Tia.
THE RISE OF TEDDY, a work of commercial fiction, is complete at 97,000 words.
I am a graduate of 2006 Stanford University and was once an overweight kid myself.
Sincerely,
LP Vendrell
Sep 5, 2011
Query- Legend of the Freaks- The F.R.E.A.K.s
On November 15, 2003 every single person on earth fell into a coma, all but Ally Medvec, three other teens, and hideous creatures that were roaming the streets set on killing them.
Running and hiding were the only things Ally and the others could do at first. But by luck they captured Tod, a poor teenaged creature in the wrong place. Terrified of the teens he spilled information that would cost him his life. The most important being the reason Ally and the others were being hunted. He only knew a word - F.R.E.A.K.s. The mysterious title he knew nothing of but was taught to fear.
Special title or not, Ally wanted to run and cower, and that’s what they did, even taking Tod with them, but they quickly learned they could run but they couldn’t hide for long. Starved, exhausted and clinging onto life, Ally finds everyone is looking at her for a way to escape the mayhem. Unwillingly thrown into the role of the leader, and overwhelmed with the fear of losing everyone she has ever known, drives her to think of the insane. To fight back! Because if they’re going to die, why not go out with a bang.
Through impossible odds Ally now leads the others through hell and back as they find out what they truly are and how to save the humans. But nothing in this nightmare is truly what it seems. Ally must figure the way through a web of lies and deception if they want to keep their lives, and save the human race, before it’s too late.
Legend of the Freaks- The F.R.E.A.K.s is a YA Urban Fantasy at 117,000 words with series potential.
Running and hiding were the only things Ally and the others could do at first. But by luck they captured Tod, a poor teenaged creature in the wrong place. Terrified of the teens he spilled information that would cost him his life. The most important being the reason Ally and the others were being hunted. He only knew a word - F.R.E.A.K.s. The mysterious title he knew nothing of but was taught to fear.
Special title or not, Ally wanted to run and cower, and that’s what they did, even taking Tod with them, but they quickly learned they could run but they couldn’t hide for long. Starved, exhausted and clinging onto life, Ally finds everyone is looking at her for a way to escape the mayhem. Unwillingly thrown into the role of the leader, and overwhelmed with the fear of losing everyone she has ever known, drives her to think of the insane. To fight back! Because if they’re going to die, why not go out with a bang.
Through impossible odds Ally now leads the others through hell and back as they find out what they truly are and how to save the humans. But nothing in this nightmare is truly what it seems. Ally must figure the way through a web of lies and deception if they want to keep their lives, and save the human race, before it’s too late.
Legend of the Freaks- The F.R.E.A.K.s is a YA Urban Fantasy at 117,000 words with series potential.
Aug 17, 2011
Query - MODERN MEDICINE
Dear Agent,
Getting into medical school was easy. The hard part was staying out of jail.
Thanks to his photographic memory, medical student Raj Mok has never encountered a test he couldn’t ace. Unfortunately, becoming a doctor involves these things called patients…and they don’t come in multiple choice.
Raj rationalizes the death of his very first patient—a terrible accident. But when a young professional enters the hospital healthy and leaves paralyzed and divorced under his care, Raj is devastated. If only it ended there.
With zero confidence in his abilities, Raj is on the verge of quitting when he is teamed up with Cindy. Innocent flirtation leads to a blossoming relationship with the cute intern. Just as things start to look up, Raj discovers a patient of his has been knowingly infecting several women with a lethal sexually transmitted illness...and Cindy is the most recent victim.
Suddenly Raj must decide if his loyalties reside with his patient or in the sweetness of revenge. The Hippocratic Oath be damned; if he’s learned anything from his patients, it’s that doing what’s right isn’t necessarily the correct answer. Too bad the law doesn’t agree.
Educated at UCLA and Stanford, I am a practicing physician in San Diego, California. I have authored over 40 peer-reviewed academic articles in numerous journals, including the New England Journal of Medicine.
MODERN MEDICINE is a medical thriller complete at 75,000 words.
Thank you for reading and commenting on my query. (Thanks for this great resource Rick.)
Sincerely,
AJ
Getting into medical school was easy. The hard part was staying out of jail.
Thanks to his photographic memory, medical student Raj Mok has never encountered a test he couldn’t ace. Unfortunately, becoming a doctor involves these things called patients…and they don’t come in multiple choice.
Raj rationalizes the death of his very first patient—a terrible accident. But when a young professional enters the hospital healthy and leaves paralyzed and divorced under his care, Raj is devastated. If only it ended there.
With zero confidence in his abilities, Raj is on the verge of quitting when he is teamed up with Cindy. Innocent flirtation leads to a blossoming relationship with the cute intern. Just as things start to look up, Raj discovers a patient of his has been knowingly infecting several women with a lethal sexually transmitted illness...and Cindy is the most recent victim.
Suddenly Raj must decide if his loyalties reside with his patient or in the sweetness of revenge. The Hippocratic Oath be damned; if he’s learned anything from his patients, it’s that doing what’s right isn’t necessarily the correct answer. Too bad the law doesn’t agree.
Educated at UCLA and Stanford, I am a practicing physician in San Diego, California. I have authored over 40 peer-reviewed academic articles in numerous journals, including the New England Journal of Medicine.
MODERN MEDICINE is a medical thriller complete at 75,000 words.
Thank you for reading and commenting on my query. (Thanks for this great resource Rick.)
Sincerely,
AJ
Aug 9, 2011
Query: Cure 4th Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Ok, I know I said the last one was the last one, but some new comments caused some significant changes. Hopefully this is it. Thanks, everyone!
Dear Dream Agent,
When it is discovered that the pathogen responsible for zombie infection can cure cancer, human experimentation leads to an outbreak of infection. Miranda Penton’s hybrid infant holds the key to stopping it and Miranda must decide between saving humanity or her own child’s life.
Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. In the midst of a painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer as a member of the security team for the Nixon Healing and Research Center.
Her new employer has proof that the zombie pathogen can heal cancer, but the cure comes with the risk of infection. The solution: tempering the virus by way of human-zombie hybrid. The condition that caused Miranda’s baby’s demise makes her the perfect candidate to carry an undead’s offspring to term. She becomes the experiment’s next victim, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived.
A rescue team led by her estranged husband reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Impregnated with the hybrid and instinctually driven to keep it, Miranda and Scott contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads, Miranda’s infant daughter is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby’s DNA can stop the outbreak and it’s up to Miranda to save her.
CURE is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am a member of the Horror Writer's Association and New England Horror Writers. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of CURE. Thank you for your consideration
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Ok, I know I said the last one was the last one, but some new comments caused some significant changes. Hopefully this is it. Thanks, everyone!
Dear Dream Agent,
When it is discovered that the pathogen responsible for zombie infection can cure cancer, human experimentation leads to an outbreak of infection. Miranda Penton’s hybrid infant holds the key to stopping it and Miranda must decide between saving humanity or her own child’s life.
Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. In the midst of a painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer as a member of the security team for the Nixon Healing and Research Center.
Her new employer has proof that the zombie pathogen can heal cancer, but the cure comes with the risk of infection. The solution: tempering the virus by way of human-zombie hybrid. The condition that caused Miranda’s baby’s demise makes her the perfect candidate to carry an undead’s offspring to term. She becomes the experiment’s next victim, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived.
A rescue team led by her estranged husband reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Impregnated with the hybrid and instinctually driven to keep it, Miranda and Scott contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads, Miranda’s infant daughter is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby’s DNA can stop the outbreak and it’s up to Miranda to save her.
CURE is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am a member of the Horror Writer's Association and New England Horror Writers. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of CURE. Thank you for your consideration
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
Aug 7, 2011
Query- The Exes in my iPod©
Dear Ms. Slushpile:
The iPod© is one heck of a relationship therapist.
When I got my iPod© Shuffle at age 34, I had no idea that little, shiny square possessed the power to heal. But I quickly discovered my complicated love life could be redeemed with a single playlist.
What’s a girl to do when music is the teleporter to her past lives of failed relationships? Play on. I’d met Mr. Right, or so I’d thought, almost as many times as Madonna sings the word “material” in “Material Girl” (45, if you’re wondering). And hearing each song in my playlist steamrolls me right back to “him.”
The Exes in my iPod© is best described as Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger meets Love is a Mixed Tape by Rob Sheffield. A memoir, Exes is organized as a playlist of 13 songs/chapters, each capturing the essence of my relationship with one ex-boyfriend. After whittling down the deep roster of exes without songs, the remaining 13 men were a fitting reminder that being unlucky in love doesn’t have to mean being unlucky in life. Did I find the bright side in that four-week stint with the svelte model who turned out to be a bisexual coke addict? Check. Did reliving my bicoastal romance with the Black Ops Navy Seal who forgot to mention he was married teach me an even greater lesson? Absolutely. Readers follow my personal journey through life, men and music, as I relive a slew of embarrassing dating disasters, which catapulted me from a college campus in Kansas to a dive boat in Key Largo to a bustling restaurant in Miami—where the real “dish” begins. Along this long, bumpy road to happiness, I forged a career in wine and haute cuisine, ensuring each tale of love, lies and loss is always served with a side order of humble pie (and a glass of Champagne). At the heart of this journey is my struggle to learn the difference between sex and love—and the power of self-respect. Recollection of my past through music has been a powerful tool for understanding the strong woman I’ve become. And it’s been a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy.
Now I’m ready to share my dirty dishes with other women who will recognize themselves—and their relationships— in these stories and songs. My book, The Exes in my iPod©, is approximately 79,000 words. I’ve spent four years polishing this manuscript, and it has been reviewed twice by a professional editor. I'm committed to perfecting it.
A complete book proposal and sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Cheers,
Lisa M. Mattson
The iPod© is one heck of a relationship therapist.
When I got my iPod© Shuffle at age 34, I had no idea that little, shiny square possessed the power to heal. But I quickly discovered my complicated love life could be redeemed with a single playlist.
What’s a girl to do when music is the teleporter to her past lives of failed relationships? Play on. I’d met Mr. Right, or so I’d thought, almost as many times as Madonna sings the word “material” in “Material Girl” (45, if you’re wondering). And hearing each song in my playlist steamrolls me right back to “him.”
The Exes in my iPod© is best described as Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger meets Love is a Mixed Tape by Rob Sheffield. A memoir, Exes is organized as a playlist of 13 songs/chapters, each capturing the essence of my relationship with one ex-boyfriend. After whittling down the deep roster of exes without songs, the remaining 13 men were a fitting reminder that being unlucky in love doesn’t have to mean being unlucky in life. Did I find the bright side in that four-week stint with the svelte model who turned out to be a bisexual coke addict? Check. Did reliving my bicoastal romance with the Black Ops Navy Seal who forgot to mention he was married teach me an even greater lesson? Absolutely. Readers follow my personal journey through life, men and music, as I relive a slew of embarrassing dating disasters, which catapulted me from a college campus in Kansas to a dive boat in Key Largo to a bustling restaurant in Miami—where the real “dish” begins. Along this long, bumpy road to happiness, I forged a career in wine and haute cuisine, ensuring each tale of love, lies and loss is always served with a side order of humble pie (and a glass of Champagne). At the heart of this journey is my struggle to learn the difference between sex and love—and the power of self-respect. Recollection of my past through music has been a powerful tool for understanding the strong woman I’ve become. And it’s been a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy.
Now I’m ready to share my dirty dishes with other women who will recognize themselves—and their relationships— in these stories and songs. My book, The Exes in my iPod©, is approximately 79,000 words. I’ve spent four years polishing this manuscript, and it has been reviewed twice by a professional editor. I'm committed to perfecting it.
A complete book proposal and sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Cheers,
Lisa M. Mattson
Aug 4, 2011
Query- Cure (third revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Well, this is the last one for now. Thanks for the comments and though I've tried to shrink the word count, I feel the more I take away, the more confusing the story sounds. It's totally different from #1, so what do we think now? Better? I cut out the intro/bio for crit purposes only.
What if the pathogen responsible for zombie infection could cure cancer? What if the cost was human experimentation? What if that experiment led to outbreak? And one infant’s life could stop it?
Miranda Penton gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. In the midst of a painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer as a member of the security team for the Nixon Healing and Research Center.
Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician who is conducting experiments on the pathogen that causes zombie infection, hopes to transform the virus into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients. The problem is, he needs to temper it by way of a living hybrid to avoid infecting those he’s treating. The condition that caused Miranda to lose her baby, secretly the reason Dr. Nixon recruited her, makes her the perfect candidate to carry an undead’s offspring to term.
Miranda becomes Dr. Nixon’s next victim, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged husband, reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Impregnated with an experimental hybrid and instinctually driven to keep it, Miranda and Scott contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads, Miranda’s infant daughter is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak ravaging the U.S. population. How far will Miranda go to keep her daughter safe and at what cost to the world?
Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Well, this is the last one for now. Thanks for the comments and though I've tried to shrink the word count, I feel the more I take away, the more confusing the story sounds. It's totally different from #1, so what do we think now? Better? I cut out the intro/bio for crit purposes only.
What if the pathogen responsible for zombie infection could cure cancer? What if the cost was human experimentation? What if that experiment led to outbreak? And one infant’s life could stop it?
Miranda Penton gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. In the midst of a painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer as a member of the security team for the Nixon Healing and Research Center.
Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician who is conducting experiments on the pathogen that causes zombie infection, hopes to transform the virus into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients. The problem is, he needs to temper it by way of a living hybrid to avoid infecting those he’s treating. The condition that caused Miranda to lose her baby, secretly the reason Dr. Nixon recruited her, makes her the perfect candidate to carry an undead’s offspring to term.
Miranda becomes Dr. Nixon’s next victim, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged husband, reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Impregnated with an experimental hybrid and instinctually driven to keep it, Miranda and Scott contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads, Miranda’s infant daughter is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak ravaging the U.S. population. How far will Miranda go to keep her daughter safe and at what cost to the world?
Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
Aug 1, 2011
Query-Cure Revision #2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
I'm striking out here, but am taking all opinions into account. Here's a revision I think is along the lines of the character versus plot critique theme. I hope it's more in-line with what everyone's looking for.
Dear Dream Agent,
Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry fellow soldier Scott Penton but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. Desperate to forget the pain of the loss, Miranda files for divorce and accepts an unexpected job offer at the Nixon Healing and Research Center.
Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, is using his facility as a cover for human/zombie experimentation and believes that the pathogen that causes the zombie infection can be used to cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The problem is that he needs to temper the virus by creating a hybrid to avoid infecting those he’s treating.
Miranda becomes one of Dr. Nixon’s victims, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her soon-to-be ex, reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Miranda realizes she’s pregnant with an experimental hybrid and after battling to keep her pregnancy a secret, her maternal instinct convinces her to keep the baby. The infant is born healthy and normal-appearing, allowing her and Scott to contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads Miranda’s infant is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?
Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am the author of an independently published novel, Dead Spell, which has received great reviews and am a member of the Horror Writer's Association, New England Horror Writers and SCBWI. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Cure. Thank you for your consideration
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
Click here to read the first revision.
I'm striking out here, but am taking all opinions into account. Here's a revision I think is along the lines of the character versus plot critique theme. I hope it's more in-line with what everyone's looking for.
Dear Dream Agent,
Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry fellow soldier Scott Penton but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. Desperate to forget the pain of the loss, Miranda files for divorce and accepts an unexpected job offer at the Nixon Healing and Research Center.
Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, is using his facility as a cover for human/zombie experimentation and believes that the pathogen that causes the zombie infection can be used to cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The problem is that he needs to temper the virus by creating a hybrid to avoid infecting those he’s treating.
Miranda becomes one of Dr. Nixon’s victims, but her imprisonment at the Center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her soon-to-be ex, reverses the hospital’s lock-down and releases not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Miranda realizes she’s pregnant with an experimental hybrid and after battling to keep her pregnancy a secret, her maternal instinct convinces her to keep the baby. The infant is born healthy and normal-appearing, allowing her and Scott to contrive a cover story that he is the father. The problem is, not everyone believes it. As the infection spreads Miranda’s infant is targeted. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?
Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am the author of an independently published novel, Dead Spell, which has received great reviews and am a member of the Horror Writer's Association, New England Horror Writers and SCBWI. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Cure. Thank you for your consideration
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
Jul 27, 2011
Query-Cure Revision #1
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Dream Agent,
When six zombie infected are discovered in a remote Haitian village, Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, commissions their transfer to his research facility believing that he can manipulate the pathogen into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The problem is, he needs to temper the virus by way of human-zombie hybrid.
Nixon inseminates human females with the infected’s sperm, but the infants aren’t surviving. He needs a compatible mother to host the hybrid and enlists the help of an ex-Nixon Center physician to find Miranda Penton, the perfect candidate.
Miranda becomes Nixon’s next victim, but her stay is short-lived. Someone reverses the hospital’s lock-down releasing not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Miranda realizes she’s pregnant as the infection spreads. Nixon’s security is sent to eradicate the newly infected and a bounty is placed on Miranda’s head. Nixon’s people lose control of the spread and Miranda’s infant becomes the new target. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?
Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition and I am the author of an independently published novel, Dead Spell. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Cure. Thank you for your consideration.
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
I can't get italics to work in comments, but all longer works are italicized in the actual query. Thanks!
NOTE: I placed some italics where I though the author intended them. To add italics to a comment, you need to use the following HTML tags, with spaces removed: < i > and < /i >. The text in between the tags will be italicized. Example: < i > This would appear in italics. < / i >
- Rick
Dear Dream Agent,
When six zombie infected are discovered in a remote Haitian village, Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, commissions their transfer to his research facility believing that he can manipulate the pathogen into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The problem is, he needs to temper the virus by way of human-zombie hybrid.
Nixon inseminates human females with the infected’s sperm, but the infants aren’t surviving. He needs a compatible mother to host the hybrid and enlists the help of an ex-Nixon Center physician to find Miranda Penton, the perfect candidate.
Miranda becomes Nixon’s next victim, but her stay is short-lived. Someone reverses the hospital’s lock-down releasing not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Miranda realizes she’s pregnant as the infection spreads. Nixon’s security is sent to eradicate the newly infected and a bounty is placed on Miranda’s head. Nixon’s people lose control of the spread and Miranda’s infant becomes the new target. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?
Cure is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and has series potential.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. My short story, “The Look-alike” earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition and I am the author of an independently published novel, Dead Spell. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Cure. Thank you for your consideration.
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
I can't get italics to work in comments, but all longer works are italicized in the actual query. Thanks!
NOTE: I placed some italics where I though the author intended them. To add italics to a comment, you need to use the following HTML tags, with spaces removed: < i > and < /i >. The text in between the tags will be italicized. Example: < i > This would appear in italics. < / i >
- Rick
Jul 26, 2011
Query: CURE
It's been a while since I've had anything new to post here and I'm glad, Rick, to see the site is thriving. Congratulations and here's the query for my latest WIP. Thanks to all the commenters!
Thanks, I'm glad too...and I echo your thanks to the commenters who make this site what it is!
- Rick
Dear Dream Agent,
When six zombie infected are discovered in a remote Haitian village, Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, commissions their transfer to his research facility in the basement of the Nixon Healing and Research Center. Nixon deems the infection incurable, but after seeing its ability to devour live tissue, he believes there’s an alternate use; that he can manipulate it into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The first attempts are unsuccessful. The infection is too strong and needs to be genetically tempered by way of a human-zombie hybrid.
Nixon inseminates the first human females, but the infants aren’t surviving. He needs a compatible maternal host and enlists the help of an ex-Nixon Center physician to find Miranda Penton, the perfect candidate. She has the exact condition he needs, the same one that caused her own infant’s stillbirth. Doctors say her condition will kill any infant she ever carries and the news destroys her marriage, pushing her to accept an unexpected job offer at the Nixon Center.
Miranda becomes Nixon’s next victim, but her stay is short-lived. Someone reverses the hospital’s lock-down releasing not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Miranda realizes she’s pregnant as the infection spreads. Nixon’s security is sent to eradicate the newly infected and a bounty is placed on Miranda’s head. Nixon’s people lose control of the spread and Miranda’s infant becomes the new target. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?
CURE, is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and is the first novel in a planned series.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. The Look-alike earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am the author of a non-fiction textbook, Correct Coding for Medicare, Compliance and Reimbursement published by Cengage Learning and the independently published novel, Dead Spell, which has received great reviews. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript. Thank you for your consideration.
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
Thanks, I'm glad too...and I echo your thanks to the commenters who make this site what it is!
- Rick
Dear Dream Agent,
When six zombie infected are discovered in a remote Haitian village, Dr. Howard Nixon, a brilliant scientist and wealthy physician, commissions their transfer to his research facility in the basement of the Nixon Healing and Research Center. Nixon deems the infection incurable, but after seeing its ability to devour live tissue, he believes there’s an alternate use; that he can manipulate it into something that will cannibalize tumors in cancer patients, curing them. The first attempts are unsuccessful. The infection is too strong and needs to be genetically tempered by way of a human-zombie hybrid.
Nixon inseminates the first human females, but the infants aren’t surviving. He needs a compatible maternal host and enlists the help of an ex-Nixon Center physician to find Miranda Penton, the perfect candidate. She has the exact condition he needs, the same one that caused her own infant’s stillbirth. Doctors say her condition will kill any infant she ever carries and the news destroys her marriage, pushing her to accept an unexpected job offer at the Nixon Center.
Miranda becomes Nixon’s next victim, but her stay is short-lived. Someone reverses the hospital’s lock-down releasing not just the human victims, but the infected on an unsuspecting population.
Miranda realizes she’s pregnant as the infection spreads. Nixon’s security is sent to eradicate the newly infected and a bounty is placed on Miranda’s head. Nixon’s people lose control of the spread and Miranda’s infant becomes the new target. A defected group of Nixon’s clinical staff believe that her baby holds the cure to the outbreak. How far will Miranda go and at what cost to the world to stop them?
CURE, is a zombie horror novel complete at 65,000 words and is the first novel in a planned series.
My short stories have appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone, and on Tales of the Zombie War’s website. The Look-alike earned me honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition. I am the author of a non-fiction textbook, Correct Coding for Medicare, Compliance and Reimbursement published by Cengage Learning and the independently published novel, Dead Spell, which has received great reviews. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript. Thank you for your consideration.
Regards,
Belinda Frisch
Jul 25, 2011
Query-Illusion (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Smart-mouthed visual artist Maya McAdam lives on post apocalyptic Earth, where magi and humans coexist in a precarious compact. One of the magical guilds has bargained with an arch-demon (Ba’al) to bring down another guild. Maya avoids magic as much possible, but then her paintings start to animate, her old nightmares return and she wakes covered in blood. When the law start pursuing her, she realizes it isn't because she hasn't registered her newfound magic.
Unbeknownst to her, she's Ba’al’s daughter, and her illustrations create doorways to other worlds, revealing her presence to her father. One of her pictures admits Resheph, a warrior warlock who's been hired to kill her. His task is frustrated by her apparent innocence and the invasion of Earth by demonic beasts, unleashed by her father to bring down the magical elite.
Maya joins forces with Resh and crosses realms; on a quest to discover the source of her magic and the reason for her incarnation.
She must dodge demons, magical guilds and dear old dad in order to restore balance to the dimensions, retrieve her warlock lover from hell, and redeem her own soul.
‘Illusion’ is a complete 105,000 urban/dark fantasy manuscript. My publishing history includes several short fiction stories to paying markets. I’m currently undertaking a Masters of Creative Writing at Adelaide University.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my query letter.
Smart-mouthed visual artist Maya McAdam lives on post apocalyptic Earth, where magi and humans coexist in a precarious compact. One of the magical guilds has bargained with an arch-demon (Ba’al) to bring down another guild. Maya avoids magic as much possible, but then her paintings start to animate, her old nightmares return and she wakes covered in blood. When the law start pursuing her, she realizes it isn't because she hasn't registered her newfound magic.
Unbeknownst to her, she's Ba’al’s daughter, and her illustrations create doorways to other worlds, revealing her presence to her father. One of her pictures admits Resheph, a warrior warlock who's been hired to kill her. His task is frustrated by her apparent innocence and the invasion of Earth by demonic beasts, unleashed by her father to bring down the magical elite.
Maya joins forces with Resh and crosses realms; on a quest to discover the source of her magic and the reason for her incarnation.
She must dodge demons, magical guilds and dear old dad in order to restore balance to the dimensions, retrieve her warlock lover from hell, and redeem her own soul.
‘Illusion’ is a complete 105,000 urban/dark fantasy manuscript. My publishing history includes several short fiction stories to paying markets. I’m currently undertaking a Masters of Creative Writing at Adelaide University.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my query letter.
Jul 24, 2011
Query-Illusion
Smart-mouthed visual artist Maya McAdam lives on post apocalyptic Earth, where magi and humans coexist in a precarious compact. One of the magical guilds has bargained with an arch-demon (Ba’al) to bring down another guild. Maya avoids magic as much possible, but then her paintings start to animate, her old nightmares return and she wakes covered in blood. When the magical guilds and the law start pursuing her, she realizes it isn't because she hasn't registered her newfound magic.
Unbeknownst to her, she's Ba’al’s daughter, and her illustrations not only reveal her traumatic past and augur the future, but they also create doorways to other worlds, revealing her presence to her father. One of her pictures admits Resheph, a warrior warlock who's been hired to kill her. His task is frustrated by her apparent innocence and the invasion of Earth by demonic beasts, unleashed by her father to bring down the magical elite and drag her back to the Abyss. Maya is Ba'al's ticket to the physical worlds and he'll do anything to get her back.
Maya's apartment is destroyed and her best friend murdered. Her shadowy dreams reveal that in past life she orchestrated the destruction and exile of Resh’s people. She joins forces with Resh and crosses realms in order to find out more about her past, make amends to the exiled warlocks and help evade the demons. But this turns into a bigger problem than either of them realizes as Resh’s soul is lost when they transmute across the Abyss. Maya arrives alone and is held captive by the Arch-Warlocks.
She must dodge demons, magical guilds and dear old dad in order to restore balance to the dimensions, retrieve her warlock lover from hell, and redeem her own soul.
‘Illusion’ is a complete 105,000 urban/dark fantasy manuscript. My publishing history includes policies and frameworks written for government and Flinders University, and short stories accepted by several publications. I’m an active member of the Australian Society of Authors, Australian Romance Writers Association, Paranormal Romance Writers Group and Science Fiction/Fantasy Online Writers Workshop. I’m currently undertaking a Masters of Creative Writing.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and feel free to contact me if you would like a partial or complete of the work.
Yours sincerely
Dy Loveday
Unbeknownst to her, she's Ba’al’s daughter, and her illustrations not only reveal her traumatic past and augur the future, but they also create doorways to other worlds, revealing her presence to her father. One of her pictures admits Resheph, a warrior warlock who's been hired to kill her. His task is frustrated by her apparent innocence and the invasion of Earth by demonic beasts, unleashed by her father to bring down the magical elite and drag her back to the Abyss. Maya is Ba'al's ticket to the physical worlds and he'll do anything to get her back.
Maya's apartment is destroyed and her best friend murdered. Her shadowy dreams reveal that in past life she orchestrated the destruction and exile of Resh’s people. She joins forces with Resh and crosses realms in order to find out more about her past, make amends to the exiled warlocks and help evade the demons. But this turns into a bigger problem than either of them realizes as Resh’s soul is lost when they transmute across the Abyss. Maya arrives alone and is held captive by the Arch-Warlocks.
She must dodge demons, magical guilds and dear old dad in order to restore balance to the dimensions, retrieve her warlock lover from hell, and redeem her own soul.
‘Illusion’ is a complete 105,000 urban/dark fantasy manuscript. My publishing history includes policies and frameworks written for government and Flinders University, and short stories accepted by several publications. I’m an active member of the Australian Society of Authors, Australian Romance Writers Association, Paranormal Romance Writers Group and Science Fiction/Fantasy Online Writers Workshop. I’m currently undertaking a Masters of Creative Writing.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and feel free to contact me if you would like a partial or complete of the work.
Yours sincerely
Dy Loveday
Jul 22, 2011
QUERY- LOOKING FOR ME
Dearest Agent,
After years of suffering sexual, physical, and psychological abuse too horrid to speak of, Mona Bishop injects the needle into her arm, pushes the plunger inward with her thumb, forcing the “smack” into her veins, entering her final decline.
Since childhood, Mona has never had never had much of anything, including a voice. After witnessing the death of her beloved grandmother, she is thrust into the foster care system where she falls prey to horrific abuse at the hands of her demented foster parents, Jack and Martha O’Neal. Sixteen, and unable to endure the torture any further, without plan, Mona runs away and ends up on the mean streets of South Dallas struggling to survive. When Lee, a free spirit, enticed by the tango with danger, enters her life, he feeds Mona’s soul the food it has been long starving for. But, as time passes, tensions arise, betrayal is discovered, and all that Mona holds sacred is destroyed. Lee abandons her and leaves town with their daughter, leaving Mona’s life spiraling out of control. Heroin addicted and clutching to her fragile hold on sanity, Mona is forced to confront her failures, expose her secrets, and face her long-buried hurts. She riots against herself, and the voices in her head desperately trying to rebuild her life and be the kind of woman her daughter can be proud of. However her journey to self-discovery has a detour, leading Mona down a road paved with further heartbreak. In the end, will Mona reunite with the love of her life? Will she find her daughter? And, lastly, will she ever find again the most valuable thing she has lost—herself?
Ultimately, LOOKING FOR ME is a story of hope, resolve, of a woman digging deeper than she thought possible trying to find the strength not to completely crumble. Completed at 64, 256-words, LOOKING FOR ME is a drama suffused, mainstream literary narrative entwined with a touch of humor, suspense, and dark realities, topped with an urban twist.
Now, about me in a nutshell; I began my writing career at the tender age of six. True. Stapled notebook paper in booklet form, I was sure my three page masterpiece would be a bestseller. Allow me to toot my horn by briefly stating, I have won and been a finalist in numerous contests, recently, receiving the 2010 first Annual Soul Sister Creative Writing Award.
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind Regards,
Angela Duirden-Galbreth
[Address and phone number redacted]
angelagalbreth@yahoo.com
After years of suffering sexual, physical, and psychological abuse too horrid to speak of, Mona Bishop injects the needle into her arm, pushes the plunger inward with her thumb, forcing the “smack” into her veins, entering her final decline.
Since childhood, Mona has never had never had much of anything, including a voice. After witnessing the death of her beloved grandmother, she is thrust into the foster care system where she falls prey to horrific abuse at the hands of her demented foster parents, Jack and Martha O’Neal. Sixteen, and unable to endure the torture any further, without plan, Mona runs away and ends up on the mean streets of South Dallas struggling to survive. When Lee, a free spirit, enticed by the tango with danger, enters her life, he feeds Mona’s soul the food it has been long starving for. But, as time passes, tensions arise, betrayal is discovered, and all that Mona holds sacred is destroyed. Lee abandons her and leaves town with their daughter, leaving Mona’s life spiraling out of control. Heroin addicted and clutching to her fragile hold on sanity, Mona is forced to confront her failures, expose her secrets, and face her long-buried hurts. She riots against herself, and the voices in her head desperately trying to rebuild her life and be the kind of woman her daughter can be proud of. However her journey to self-discovery has a detour, leading Mona down a road paved with further heartbreak. In the end, will Mona reunite with the love of her life? Will she find her daughter? And, lastly, will she ever find again the most valuable thing she has lost—herself?
Ultimately, LOOKING FOR ME is a story of hope, resolve, of a woman digging deeper than she thought possible trying to find the strength not to completely crumble. Completed at 64, 256-words, LOOKING FOR ME is a drama suffused, mainstream literary narrative entwined with a touch of humor, suspense, and dark realities, topped with an urban twist.
Now, about me in a nutshell; I began my writing career at the tender age of six. True. Stapled notebook paper in booklet form, I was sure my three page masterpiece would be a bestseller. Allow me to toot my horn by briefly stating, I have won and been a finalist in numerous contests, recently, receiving the 2010 first Annual Soul Sister Creative Writing Award.
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind Regards,
Angela Duirden-Galbreth
[Address and phone number redacted]
angelagalbreth@yahoo.com
Jul 20, 2011
Show and NO Tell Results
Thanks to the four writers who participated in the Show and NO Tell contest. I enjoyed reading all the entries. My favorite was Jenny's (entry #1). There was a real emotional reason for Jimmy to hate pizza, and the slow build to the reveal was well-paced. Great job!
The runner-up is a tough call. I like the emotions in Luis' entry (#2), and think there is a good degree of realism. I was able to feel the despair. Darrell's Frankenstein entry (#3) was was a fun reprieve from the more serious entries, and I especially liked the twist at the end of Teralyn's entry (#4) with the offer for Parmesan, showing that the alternative had its own issues.
So for runner up, I'm declaring a three-way tie. All four win!
I have Teralyn's address. For the other three, please email me at rjdaley101071 (at) gmail (dot) com with your mailing address and I'll mail your signed copies of THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS out this week, I hope you enjoy reading it.
Thanks for participating!
The runner-up is a tough call. I like the emotions in Luis' entry (#2), and think there is a good degree of realism. I was able to feel the despair. Darrell's Frankenstein entry (#3) was was a fun reprieve from the more serious entries, and I especially liked the twist at the end of Teralyn's entry (#4) with the offer for Parmesan, showing that the alternative had its own issues.
So for runner up, I'm declaring a three-way tie. All four win!
I have Teralyn's address. For the other three, please email me at rjdaley101071 (at) gmail (dot) com with your mailing address and I'll mail your signed copies of THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS out this week, I hope you enjoy reading it.
Thanks for participating!
Jul 19, 2011
Query - Duck for cover, my dad's going to explode
Dear Agent,
Trapped in an elevator with no way out, Jake fights to survive the terror of breathing in the haunting aroma of an elevator fart. A suspicion has formed in his mind that an alien army has taken over his fathers body, and were using everything at their disposal to wage a war of escape. It started as a few simple sneezes, then before Jake knew it, he was ducking for cover from his fathers pulsating puss filled pimples.
Doomed to have no control over his bodily functions, his father must experience the humiliation of exploding in the grossest ways possible, from shooting potentially deadly snot of mass destruction to stomach churning projectile vomiting. The aliens even tried climbing to freedom through the dense jungle of his nasal passages, with a soggy piece of spaghetti.
Then there was the incident with the elephant.
Duck for cover, my dad's going to explode is a humorous chapter book and complete at 13,400 words. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript at your request.
Thank you for your time and consideration and have a great day.
Yours sincerely,
M Jones
Trapped in an elevator with no way out, Jake fights to survive the terror of breathing in the haunting aroma of an elevator fart. A suspicion has formed in his mind that an alien army has taken over his fathers body, and were using everything at their disposal to wage a war of escape. It started as a few simple sneezes, then before Jake knew it, he was ducking for cover from his fathers pulsating puss filled pimples.
Doomed to have no control over his bodily functions, his father must experience the humiliation of exploding in the grossest ways possible, from shooting potentially deadly snot of mass destruction to stomach churning projectile vomiting. The aliens even tried climbing to freedom through the dense jungle of his nasal passages, with a soggy piece of spaghetti.
Then there was the incident with the elephant.
Duck for cover, my dad's going to explode is a humorous chapter book and complete at 13,400 words. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript at your request.
Thank you for your time and consideration and have a great day.
Yours sincerely,
M Jones
Jul 18, 2011
Show and NO Tell- Entry #4
Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
By Teralyn Rose Pilgrim
“I bought pizza to eat while we study,” said Julie. She opened a box of steaming pizza with relish as if she were offering him a special treat.
Jimmy tried not to grimace as he picked up a piece and felt it go limp in his hand. Julie stuffed a large bite in her mouth and savored the bite with glee. “Mmm,” she said.
I like this girl, Jimmy reminded himself. I’m not going to offend her by refusing her pizza.
He took a bite and a long string of rubbery cheese slid off the bread and onto his shirt, leaving strings of red goop all down his front. Embarrassed, he decided to leave the blood-sauce crust naked and stuffed the cheese into his mouth. It was like chewing on a ball of slimy rubber bands.
As he formed the cheese into a digestible paste, he tried not to think of his 3rd-grade field trip to the cheese factory.
He remembered him and his classmates peering over the railing above the equipment. They ooo-ed and ahh-ed over the stainless-steel vats of stirring milk. The teacher led them along the rail to the packaging area where blocks of yellow cheddar zoomed through a narrow terminal. They jerked to a stop in front of a worker and a machine that wrapped the cheese in plastic and sucked out the air with a gasp and a click.
The woman was old enough to be the wicked witch of the west. She wore no hairnet, so Jimmy could see her charcoal-gray hair shine from a thick layer of grease. He recoiled when he saw the same grease covering her face from the root of her damp hair, past her crooked green teeth, and plastered down her neck.
She didn’t wear any gloves, but handled the cheese with her bare, wrinkled hands. She wiped sweat off her forehead with the back of her wrist. Then to his horror, she scratched her head and put her now grease-soaked fingers back on the block of cheese. No one but Jimmy noticed a single strand of hair get caught under her jagged nail. The strand flowed in the air as it followed her finger to the cheese as she pushed it through the machine.
Jimmy knew the same women hadn’t touched the cheese that was on his pizza – well, he thought he knew, but he couldn’t really be sure – but whenever he saw cheese, he imagined it coated in hair grease. He thought of this when he saw melted cheese glisten with wetness.
He tried to swallow the huge gob of mozzarella in his mouth, insisting to himself that it wasn’t filled with strands of old lady hair, or jagged fingernails, or crooked teeth. The cheese got caught in the back of his throat and he gagged.
“Are you okay?” asked Julie.
Jimmy forced the mouthful down with a vengeance. He put the rest of his piece down, unable to eat anymore.
“My stomach doesn’t feel the best,” he mumbled. “The pepperoni is too strong and it made me feel nauseous.” He thought he sounded lame, but Julie rubbed his arm and gave him a look of sympathy.
“I have some spaghetti in the fridge. Would you like that instead?”
Jimmy sighed with relief as she went to the kitchen. He picked up his math book and heard the refrigerator door open.
“Would you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti?” she asked.
“No!”
Jimmy cleared his throat. “I mean, no thank you.”
Show and NO Tell- Entry #3
Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
Why does Jimmy hate Pizza?
By Darrell B. Nelson
http://darrellbnelson.blogspot.com/
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/DarrellBNelson
Brian pulled up to the old mansion and pulled up the hood of his Pizza Joint jacket, “I hope he tips good, asking for a delivery in the middle of a thunder storm.”
By Darrell B. Nelson
http://darrellbnelson.blogspot.com/
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/DarrellBNelson
Brian pulled up to the old mansion and pulled up the hood of his Pizza Joint jacket, “I hope he tips good, asking for a delivery in the middle of a thunder storm.”
He grabbed the warming bag that contained the customer's pizza and jogged from his little Sentra to the front door as fast as he could without harming the contents of the bag. Even with his hood up he could
feel himself getting soaked as he waited for the owner to answer the door.
feel himself getting soaked as he waited for the owner to answer the door.
“Come in, Come in,” the old man in the white lab coat said when he opened the door.
Brian wiped the water off the bag and opened it. He pulled out the extra large pizza making sure it had stayed safe from the downpour. It had, “That will be $22.56. Mr. Stein.”
“Call me Frank.” The man took the pizza and set it on the table next to the door, opened the box and looked it over, “Did you put all the ingredients in the right proportions as I asked?”
“It was one of our tougher pizzas but our cook is really good.”
“We will see.” The man pulled out a fifty dollar bill, “This is yours if you did it correctly. Come with me.”
“I'm not allowed to go more than a few feet passed the front door,” Brain said. “Company Policy.”
“For a $27 tip you can make an exception.”
A huge clap of thunder hurt Brian's ears and he could hear the front door being battered by an insane amount of rain, “I guess I could.”
He started following Frank and heard a child's voice yell out from the other side of the main hall, “Are we having pizza?”
Brian looked to see a 10 year-old enter the hall smiling and holding a small poodle.
“No Jimmy, this is for the experiment,” Frank told the child.
“Everything is for the experiment, I never get anything.” Jimmy frowned.
“If this works you will have everything, Jimmy.” Frank said.
“Why can't you be nice like Fluffy.” Jimmy hugged his poodle.
“I'm on the verge of the biggest medical breakthrough in history of mankind, that's why.” Frank opened the door off the main hall to reveal a huge lab with beakers bubbling and a Jacob's Ladder sending arcs of electricity up its length. He quickly moved to the center of the lab and slid the pizza out of the box onto the exam table. He poked numerous wires into the crust and sprinkled a liquid over it.
“Now we just have to wait for a lightning bolt to hit.” Frank smiled.
“Okay?” Brian was about to ask for his money and leave with or without tip when a huge flash of lightning filled the main hall with light and he heard the thunderbolt at the exact same time.
When his eyes readjusted he saw the pizza was moving. It was flipping the sides of its crust trying to undo the wires that were poking into it.
“Its Alive, Alive!” Frank yelled.
Fluffy broke free from Jimmy's arms and ran over to bark at the unholy animation.
Frank quickly released the living pizza from the restraining wires and threw his hands up in the air, “I have broken the bounds between life and death. This pizza will bring a new dawn for humanity.”
Humanity's new dawn took the opportunity to leap from the table and completely envelop the poodle that was barking at it.
“Fluffy!” Jimmy cried out.
Brian ran over and tried to pull the pizza off the helpless dog, but it had become much tougher than a pizza had any right to be.
“Stand back!” Frank yelled starting up the bone saw, “This abomination was my creation, and I alone must deal with it. It was my folly to believe that I could tamper with the laws of god and the universe. This should be a lesson to all mankind...”
“Could you help already and give your speech later?” Brian interrupted Frank as the pizza had turned on him and grabbed his arm.
“Oh yeah, that might be a good idea.” Frank started cutting up the pizza with the bone saw. After cutting half the pizza into one inch slices it grew weak enough for Brian to pry loose his arm.
Frank and Brian wrestled with the pizza and finally killed it, but it was too late for Fluffy who was now just cheese covered hair and a tail. The pizza had dissolved the rest of the body.
Brian looked over at little Jimmy who was in tears.
“I'm really sorry,” Brian said. “If it will make it any better I can talk to my manager, Bernie, about getting you another pizza.”
“I hate Pizza!” Jimmy shouted. “Pizza ate my dog.”
Show and NO Tell- Entry #2
Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
Mr. Pizza
by Luis Vendrell
The cafeteria was acrid with pubescent sweat. Boys, those who had yet to realize that deodorant is more than a courtesy, filled the seats around him. Girls who understood the intricacies of bathing clung to the edges, far away from the almost visible cloud of pungent stink emitted by the males. Jimmy wished he had the courage to join them. Anything to get away from the barbaric guys who thought punching him in the gut was the funniest thing they last farted.
The stench wafted at him from all directions. He could feel the grease cling to his face and soak into his skin.
As if he needed anything else to add to the blotched wasteland of his face.
Jimmy poked at the food on his plate. How could he have forgotten his lunch? He was under strict orders from his dermatologist: Do not stray from this diet. Well, that was, if he didn't want to end up looking like that guy from Machete. But, here he was, faced with the only food in the world that mirrored his face. The one food that could mock him simply with its existence.
Pizza. It made him all too aware of the three new pimples that had sprung up on his forehead over night. Each with a white bulb fresh for the popping. He had resisted the urge to do so, but only barely. The debate as to whether a pearl of puss or a seeping red hole was worse went on for fifteen minutes while he stared at himself in the mirror.
Whatever cosmic entity had decided to crap on him today has certainly done its homework. Grease oozed red from the pepperoni and mixed with its clear counterpoint from the cheese. He imagined touching it, the way the viscous fluid would adhere to his fingertips. Traces would remain even after wiping it away. No napkin stood a chance against that mess. Still, he had an army of the things set before him -- a vain hope that maybe he could win this battle.
With a sigh Jimmy plucked one from the top of the pile. Then, unsure if a lone sheet could handle the task, he grabbed several more. He dabbed at the top of the slice. The action started timid, but turned determined as the white paper became translucent. It was more like kicking a dog than discarding a used napkin when he slapped the sodden mass into the cup cut-out of his Styrofoam tray. Orange specks spattered and speckled the ringed top edge. His stomach groaned at the sight while his mind made the corollary between the visage and his face.
At least that is over, he thought and looked upon his lunch. More oil had seeped out of the places he had already wiped.
"Really?" He asked the air.
"Who yah talkin' to Jay?" Jorge Valdez, the kid seated next to him, turned towards Jimmy, his lips shined with the sheen of his already eaten pizza. A smear crept up from his mouth in a diagonal across his cheek. Jimmy imagined a line of white-heads using the grease as fuel to finally breach the surface of his skin. That was, if Jorge had ever had to struggle against blemishes. His tanned skin was flawless.
"No one," Jimmy said and grabbed several more napkins. It was futile. The stupid slice of pizza seemed to have an infinite supply of grease. In despair he pinched the bridge of his nose, before quickly retracting his hand, but the damage was done. Like a second parasitic skin the stickiness of his fingerprints burned. How many blemishes would come from that inadvertent action?
One step closer to you Mr. Pizza, he thought with a glare at triangular slab in front of him.
A voice broke though his melancholy, "Yah goin' to eat that?" Jorge pointed at the tramped down slice.
"No." Jimmy shook his head.
"Can I have it?"
"It's all yours, man." He pushed the tray towards Jorge.
"Sweet." Jorge reached towards the pizza with gleaming fingers. The corner of his mouth curved up slightly when he held the floppy thing to the rest of the table.
If Jimmy had known what he would do next, maybe he would have left before it happened.
The imbecile folded the slice in half. It was a poor imitation of a mouth. "Hey everybody! I'm Jimmy." Jorge traitorous words spoke for the pizza. He then held the slice a few inches from
Jimmy's face. "It's like lookin' in a mirror huh?"
Before Jimmy could stand up and flee the scene Jorge slammed the slice right into his face. Long gone cold from Jimmy's inability to eat it, the pizza still managed to secrete its damning venom onto his flesh.
The only thing louder than the resultant laughs from everyone in the cafeteria, was the scream of his shame.
Mr. Pizza
by Luis Vendrell
The cafeteria was acrid with pubescent sweat. Boys, those who had yet to realize that deodorant is more than a courtesy, filled the seats around him. Girls who understood the intricacies of bathing clung to the edges, far away from the almost visible cloud of pungent stink emitted by the males. Jimmy wished he had the courage to join them. Anything to get away from the barbaric guys who thought punching him in the gut was the funniest thing they last farted.
The stench wafted at him from all directions. He could feel the grease cling to his face and soak into his skin.
As if he needed anything else to add to the blotched wasteland of his face.
Jimmy poked at the food on his plate. How could he have forgotten his lunch? He was under strict orders from his dermatologist: Do not stray from this diet. Well, that was, if he didn't want to end up looking like that guy from Machete. But, here he was, faced with the only food in the world that mirrored his face. The one food that could mock him simply with its existence.
Pizza. It made him all too aware of the three new pimples that had sprung up on his forehead over night. Each with a white bulb fresh for the popping. He had resisted the urge to do so, but only barely. The debate as to whether a pearl of puss or a seeping red hole was worse went on for fifteen minutes while he stared at himself in the mirror.
Whatever cosmic entity had decided to crap on him today has certainly done its homework. Grease oozed red from the pepperoni and mixed with its clear counterpoint from the cheese. He imagined touching it, the way the viscous fluid would adhere to his fingertips. Traces would remain even after wiping it away. No napkin stood a chance against that mess. Still, he had an army of the things set before him -- a vain hope that maybe he could win this battle.
With a sigh Jimmy plucked one from the top of the pile. Then, unsure if a lone sheet could handle the task, he grabbed several more. He dabbed at the top of the slice. The action started timid, but turned determined as the white paper became translucent. It was more like kicking a dog than discarding a used napkin when he slapped the sodden mass into the cup cut-out of his Styrofoam tray. Orange specks spattered and speckled the ringed top edge. His stomach groaned at the sight while his mind made the corollary between the visage and his face.
At least that is over, he thought and looked upon his lunch. More oil had seeped out of the places he had already wiped.
"Really?" He asked the air.
"Who yah talkin' to Jay?" Jorge Valdez, the kid seated next to him, turned towards Jimmy, his lips shined with the sheen of his already eaten pizza. A smear crept up from his mouth in a diagonal across his cheek. Jimmy imagined a line of white-heads using the grease as fuel to finally breach the surface of his skin. That was, if Jorge had ever had to struggle against blemishes. His tanned skin was flawless.
"No one," Jimmy said and grabbed several more napkins. It was futile. The stupid slice of pizza seemed to have an infinite supply of grease. In despair he pinched the bridge of his nose, before quickly retracting his hand, but the damage was done. Like a second parasitic skin the stickiness of his fingerprints burned. How many blemishes would come from that inadvertent action?
One step closer to you Mr. Pizza, he thought with a glare at triangular slab in front of him.
A voice broke though his melancholy, "Yah goin' to eat that?" Jorge pointed at the tramped down slice.
"No." Jimmy shook his head.
"Can I have it?"
"It's all yours, man." He pushed the tray towards Jorge.
"Sweet." Jorge reached towards the pizza with gleaming fingers. The corner of his mouth curved up slightly when he held the floppy thing to the rest of the table.
If Jimmy had known what he would do next, maybe he would have left before it happened.
The imbecile folded the slice in half. It was a poor imitation of a mouth. "Hey everybody! I'm Jimmy." Jorge traitorous words spoke for the pizza. He then held the slice a few inches from
Jimmy's face. "It's like lookin' in a mirror huh?"
Before Jimmy could stand up and flee the scene Jorge slammed the slice right into his face. Long gone cold from Jimmy's inability to eat it, the pizza still managed to secrete its damning venom onto his flesh.
The only thing louder than the resultant laughs from everyone in the cafeteria, was the scream of his shame.
Show and NO Tell- Entry #1
Click here for the contest description. The task was to answer the question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
The first entry, from Jenny (http://telecate.blogspot.com/):
"Do we have to have pizza again?" Jimmy Boyd asked his mother as they pulled into Romano's for the seventeenth week in a row. "We always get the same kind, and it's not like Dad can even have any."
"I don't care," his mother said serenely. "If you want to see your father, go get the pizza. Here, you can get a dessert pizza, too, if you want." She handed over an extra five, and after a moment Jimmy accepted it and went inside, waving back to the cashier. Romano’s had already started prepping his order when they saw his mom’s Mazda pull in.
As usual, Jimmy held the steaming box on his lap in the car, trying to hold out longer and longer before he moved it for relief. The first few weeks he'd only made it to Lombard Street, but now he could reach Oregon, sometimes even Packard before he gave in. Today, he forced himself to wait until Packard had flashed by and they had actually turned onto 34th before he rescued his thighs from the burning.
They parked in their usual spot in front of the prison. Jimmy carried the pizza box, his legs still stinging, while his mother signed them in and surrendered her ID, though the prison staff knew them, too. Lana was at the desk today, while John took them down the corridor and into the visitors' room. "He'll be here in a few minutes," John said as he opened the door to their cubicle. Jimmy's mother smiled and thanked him.
In the promised few minutes, the door behind the plastic panel opened, and Jimmy's father appeared, clad in the usual orange scrubs. The guard with him, Leon, nodded politely to them both as he closed the door.
"Hi there," his father said, dropping into his chair and leaning forward. He looked exhausted, as usual, but he smiled at Jimmy.
"Hi." Jimmy sat down and put the pizza box on the other chair, knowing his mother would insist on standing behind him. "I got a B+ on my history paper! The one I was telling you about, on Egypt? I thought I was toasted when the teacher started talking about plagiarism, but it turned out she just meant you weren't supposed to use quotes without saying where you got them, not that you couldn't use them."
"That's great! What about your math test? Wasn't that today?"
"Yeah...it didn't go so hot. But hey, check it out. I was studying with Marc last night, and we--"
"Eat something," his mother interposed, opening up the Romano's box.
"I'm not hungry," Jimmy said. "So Marc and I--"
His mother pushed the box in front of him, placing the lid between him and his father, and lowered her voice to a spitting whisper. "Eat something or we're going home."
"All right." Jimmy took a slice and folded it up so he could eat twice as fast. His mother lowered the box to the counter and took out her own slice. "So Marc and I were thinking..."
He went on with the story, and his father listened, both of them doing their best to ignore his mother eating her own pizza slowly and languorously, leaning against the wall of the cubicle. "Time to go," she said when they were done, interrupting Jimmy's description of what Desiree Mills had gotten in trouble for wearing last Thursday. He would have liked to talk about other girls, specifically Raina Lee, but he wasn't quite sure what to say, and anyway there was no way while his mother was standing there.
"Can't we stay a few more minutes?" he said, though he knew the answer.
"No." She rang the bell for John to come get them.
"See you next week," his father told him, rising.
Jimmy glanced at the pizza box. "See you next week," he echoed.
His mother gave the rest of the pizza to the staff at the desk, as usual. "Can we get pepperoni next time?" John called after them as they left.
"He means thank you," Lana yelled.
They said nothing in the car, as had become usual the past month or so. At home, Jimmy told his mother he had homework and escaped to his room, where he had a box of cheese crackers and some beef jerky stashed. He threw a few crackers in his mouth and lay down on his bed.
He woke up in the dark sometime later, his mouth still tasting like powdered cheese. His alarm clock said ten-fifty-one. He pushed himself upright and went downstairs to get a drink.
The living room light was on, and on the couch his mother was slumped where she must have fallen asleep by accident just as he had. Before her were newspaper clippings and a note written on paper with the Romano's logo on it. He stepped over to look, though he knew what they were. The papers and the local news had covered his father's trial gleefully, some awful punster even calling it "a pizza bad luck all around." There was the photograph of his father and mother from a few years back. There was the separate picture of Todd the pizza guy, "who Boyd discovered was delivering more than just a hot pie to his wife," according to the local news anchor, whom Jimmy could no longer stand to listen to. There was even a photo of himself eating a piece of pizza. And on the Romano's letterhead, in Todd's handwriting: "Julie: I'll be by tomorrow at ten. I'll bring our new special, the Sausage Sizzler."
He reached forward to crumple the papers, but his mother stirred, and he stopped. Anyway, he shouldn't. He wanted to see his dad next week. He had to be on good behavior until his dad was free. He'd be out in another...let's see...five years times fifty-two was two hundred sixty weeks, minus seventeen was two-hundred forty-three pizzas. Weeks. Two-hundred forty-three weeks.
The first entry, from Jenny (http://telecate.blogspot.com/):
"Do we have to have pizza again?" Jimmy Boyd asked his mother as they pulled into Romano's for the seventeenth week in a row. "We always get the same kind, and it's not like Dad can even have any."
"I don't care," his mother said serenely. "If you want to see your father, go get the pizza. Here, you can get a dessert pizza, too, if you want." She handed over an extra five, and after a moment Jimmy accepted it and went inside, waving back to the cashier. Romano’s had already started prepping his order when they saw his mom’s Mazda pull in.
As usual, Jimmy held the steaming box on his lap in the car, trying to hold out longer and longer before he moved it for relief. The first few weeks he'd only made it to Lombard Street, but now he could reach Oregon, sometimes even Packard before he gave in. Today, he forced himself to wait until Packard had flashed by and they had actually turned onto 34th before he rescued his thighs from the burning.
They parked in their usual spot in front of the prison. Jimmy carried the pizza box, his legs still stinging, while his mother signed them in and surrendered her ID, though the prison staff knew them, too. Lana was at the desk today, while John took them down the corridor and into the visitors' room. "He'll be here in a few minutes," John said as he opened the door to their cubicle. Jimmy's mother smiled and thanked him.
In the promised few minutes, the door behind the plastic panel opened, and Jimmy's father appeared, clad in the usual orange scrubs. The guard with him, Leon, nodded politely to them both as he closed the door.
"Hi there," his father said, dropping into his chair and leaning forward. He looked exhausted, as usual, but he smiled at Jimmy.
"Hi." Jimmy sat down and put the pizza box on the other chair, knowing his mother would insist on standing behind him. "I got a B+ on my history paper! The one I was telling you about, on Egypt? I thought I was toasted when the teacher started talking about plagiarism, but it turned out she just meant you weren't supposed to use quotes without saying where you got them, not that you couldn't use them."
"That's great! What about your math test? Wasn't that today?"
"Yeah...it didn't go so hot. But hey, check it out. I was studying with Marc last night, and we--"
"Eat something," his mother interposed, opening up the Romano's box.
"I'm not hungry," Jimmy said. "So Marc and I--"
His mother pushed the box in front of him, placing the lid between him and his father, and lowered her voice to a spitting whisper. "Eat something or we're going home."
"All right." Jimmy took a slice and folded it up so he could eat twice as fast. His mother lowered the box to the counter and took out her own slice. "So Marc and I were thinking..."
He went on with the story, and his father listened, both of them doing their best to ignore his mother eating her own pizza slowly and languorously, leaning against the wall of the cubicle. "Time to go," she said when they were done, interrupting Jimmy's description of what Desiree Mills had gotten in trouble for wearing last Thursday. He would have liked to talk about other girls, specifically Raina Lee, but he wasn't quite sure what to say, and anyway there was no way while his mother was standing there.
"Can't we stay a few more minutes?" he said, though he knew the answer.
"No." She rang the bell for John to come get them.
"See you next week," his father told him, rising.
Jimmy glanced at the pizza box. "See you next week," he echoed.
His mother gave the rest of the pizza to the staff at the desk, as usual. "Can we get pepperoni next time?" John called after them as they left.
"He means thank you," Lana yelled.
They said nothing in the car, as had become usual the past month or so. At home, Jimmy told his mother he had homework and escaped to his room, where he had a box of cheese crackers and some beef jerky stashed. He threw a few crackers in his mouth and lay down on his bed.
He woke up in the dark sometime later, his mouth still tasting like powdered cheese. His alarm clock said ten-fifty-one. He pushed himself upright and went downstairs to get a drink.
The living room light was on, and on the couch his mother was slumped where she must have fallen asleep by accident just as he had. Before her were newspaper clippings and a note written on paper with the Romano's logo on it. He stepped over to look, though he knew what they were. The papers and the local news had covered his father's trial gleefully, some awful punster even calling it "a pizza bad luck all around." There was the photograph of his father and mother from a few years back. There was the separate picture of Todd the pizza guy, "who Boyd discovered was delivering more than just a hot pie to his wife," according to the local news anchor, whom Jimmy could no longer stand to listen to. There was even a photo of himself eating a piece of pizza. And on the Romano's letterhead, in Todd's handwriting: "Julie: I'll be by tomorrow at ten. I'll bring our new special, the Sausage Sizzler."
He reached forward to crumple the papers, but his mother stirred, and he stopped. Anyway, he shouldn't. He wanted to see his dad next week. He had to be on good behavior until his dad was free. He'd be out in another...let's see...five years times fifty-two was two hundred sixty weeks, minus seventeen was two-hundred forty-three pizzas. Weeks. Two-hundred forty-three weeks.
Jul 14, 2011
Contest- Show and NO Tell
Since there's a slowdown in queries, and since I have a book out, I think it's time for a Slushpile contest. And since I'm the moderator and have unrestricted access to posts, no one can stop me.
[Insert evil laugh here]
Contest rules: Answer the question below in a short story (750-1,000 words). You must use the characters / actions / narrative to show me the answer…going right out and telling me the answer is cheating! Submit your entries as comments to this post or email me at rjdaley 101071 (at) gmail (dot) com. You have until 8am EST on Monday, July 18 to enter.
Question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
Suggestions: Food allergy; his father choked on pepperoni and died; Jimmy was dropped on his head by delivery guy when he was a baby, etc. Get creative, and show me the answer!
Prize: I will send a signed copy of my book, THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS to my two favorite entries. Winners will be announced on Thursday, July 21 whenever I get around to it. Prizes will be awarded shortly thereafter.
[Insert evil laugh here]
Contest rules: Answer the question below in a short story (750-1,000 words). You must use the characters / actions / narrative to show me the answer…going right out and telling me the answer is cheating! Submit your entries as comments to this post or email me at rjdaley 101071 (at) gmail (dot) com. You have until 8am EST on Monday, July 18 to enter.
Question: Why does Jimmy hate pizza?
Suggestions: Food allergy; his father choked on pepperoni and died; Jimmy was dropped on his head by delivery guy when he was a baby, etc. Get creative, and show me the answer!
Prize: I will send a signed copy of my book, THE MAN IN THE CINDER CLOUDS to my two favorite entries. Winners will be announced on Thursday, July 21 whenever I get around to it. Prizes will be awarded shortly thereafter.
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