Apr 15, 2009

Query- Severed Ties (Revision #1)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

Three hundred and twenty three passengers feared dead. For Suzanne Taylor, surviving the fiery crash of Flight 148 is bittersweet.

Waking from a coma a week after the accident, Suzanne is told that her son is dead. Her dreams tell her otherwise. Suzanne’s dreams show Caleb growing older with each passing month, causing her to believe that her son is still alive.

Her marriage begins to unravel as Suzanne continues to pursue her quest for the truth. Feeling alone and desperate to find answers, Suzanne finds herself wrapped up in an affair with a handsome N.T.S.B. investigator.

At the one year anniversary of the crash, Suzanne meets a fellow survivor who may have answers regarding her son’s fate. As the survivor recalls the final moments of Caleb’s life, a cry from the next room reveals the awful truth.

I am seeking representation for Severed Ties, a women's fiction work, complete at 114,000 words.

Thank you for your time and your consideration.


D. Ross


pulp said...

This was beautifully clear until the fourth paragraph, when you jumped a step or two. What room?

Something bothers me about "reveals the awful truth." Not just that the phrase is rather a cliche. I think the abruptness jars, or the seeming coincidence of running into a fellow survivor on the anniversary of the crash. I have the feeling it's all logical in the story.

Is this suspense? Some people say you don't have to label it as suspense if it's clearly that, but you have labeled it women's fiction, so...

This looks like a good book.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Violet, for the great advice. After you read your own query over and over again a thousand times, it begins to blur. Having another fellow writer look it over is worth millions for me! I was trying to 'lure' in an agent to want to read more with the fourth paragraph, but after querying a few agents and getting form rejection letters, I am going to change it and see what happens. Again, thank you for your advice!

D. Ross