Apr 15, 2009

Query- The Vampire, the Witch & the Wardrobe

Dear Ms. Jackson:

Only something seriously nasty would drag Dr. Bebe Zachary home to San Francisco. If her grandmother’s accidental overdose weren’t bad enough, her cousins have filed to overturn Grandma Petrov’s will and lost their coven’s Book of Shadows in the process. The only way to get the politically incriminating Book back is to buy the wardrobe it’s hidden in at the estate auction. Except she’s outbid by the only thing more infuriating than her idiotic cousins--a vampire. Not just any vampire, but the coven master of the western United States, Caesar Augustine.

Caesar’s siblings think he’s insane for jumping smack dab in the middle of a witches’ civil war. He’d be the first person to admit it’s the last place he wants to be, but Natasha Petrov’s death was no accident. Someone’s found out she was working on a cure for the vampire virus, and her notes have disappeared. If he ever wants to be human again, his only choice is to stay close to Natasha’s heir, her granddaughter Bebe. And the luscious witch provides a temptation more dangerous than the assassins after her.

The Vampire, the Witch & the Wardrobe is a 90,000-word urban fantasy novel with romantic elements and has finaled in two RWA contests. I have attached the first five pages for your review.

I am a member of Romance Writers of America, and I’m active in the West Houston chapter. As a recovering attorney, I currently write a legal column for the Texas Highway Patrol Magazine.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden


B.E. Sanderson said...

The title threw me at first, but even so, it did its job and got me to read the rest of the query. You might want to consider changing the word 'coven' for one or the other to call it something else - the two were confusing.

Otherwise, I liked the premise of the book and the style the letter was written in. If I was an agent, I'd request pages.

Oh, and since this is my first time commenting here, I'd like to suggest fixing it so the comments open in another window. It would make it easier for commenters to reference the letter they're commenting on.


Rick Daley said...


Thanks for your comments, I'm glad you stopped by!

When you comment, look to the left, under the title of the post there is a link to "Show Original Post" and if you click it you will see the query next to the comment box.

Let me know if this makes it easier for you.

Lara said...

I like the story, and the query made me want to read more, so, good job!

B.E. Sanderson said...

D'oh! I've been blogging for too long not to have noticed that feature. Thanks, Rick. That saves me a lot of time.